


Chocolate Brown and Leather Whips

by KrazyK85



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst and Humor, F/M, Safe Sane and Consensual, Subward and Dommella
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:38:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 317,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrazyK85/pseuds/KrazyK85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward Cullen is a 21 year old who has the world at his finger tips. He has a great education, money, and plenty of women. The things he feels he's entitled to. But what happens when an innocent meeting with a beautiful, but older Bella Swan at a coffee shop turns into something he never expected?</p><p>Will a hot and assertive woman like Bella, who likes to take control, finally be able to teach a young cocky Edward about life, sex, and women?</p><p>A world filled with pain, pleasure, and all too consuming desire, Edward soon realizes it's a life he can't live without.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: My Mistress

**Prologue**

**  
**

**~My Mistress~**

 

My flesh had never been so raw nor my desire so strong. My fingers clenched as another strong sting came from my backside, making my already impossibly rigid cock, even harder. The fire that ignited in me as my mistress delivered her pain was like nothing I had ever experienced before. She was relentless, and I craved it.

 

Thwack!

 

“Ugh,” a small, quiet moan escaped my lips and it didn’t go unnoticed.

 

My eyes slammed shut as I waited for my mistress to punish me. No matter how much the pain throbbed throughout my body, no matter how much it made me groan with pleasure, I was not allowed under any circumstances to make a sound…the repercussions would be fierce.

 

The clicking of her heels alerted me to her approach. My eyes remained closed but the vivid memory of this divine being was burned into my brain, into my body, and slowly into my soul. The brown tresses that she wore in waves barely covered her taut nipples, and I wanted so badly to suck them, but that was against my mistress rules. She touched me, achingly slow at times. She was tortuous in her ministrations—so much sensation in her whips, chains, and whatever toy she desired to try usually had me coming within minutes, but never was I allowed to touch her.

 

Oh, how I longed to touch her…

 

That was the bitter sweet pleasure my mistress brought me. It was a sensory overload as she tied me to her wrought iron bed, exposed herself to me—the wet lips between her thighs, her glistening curvy body, as her glorious, perfect round mounds would heave in pleasure as she made herself come to full completion as I watched…bound and completely at her whim.

 

That was the purest torture of it all. To watch her do something I could only dream about doing. How I imagined each time that they were my fingers curled up inside her, pumping furiously as my thumb massaged her clitoris…yes, my mistress drove me to explosion every time, and she didn’t even have to touch me.

 

“What was that I heard, Edward? Was that a moan?” she purred as she caressed my bare thighs.

 

I shivered.

 

“Yes, Mistress,” I confessed.

 

A lie would be much worse than the truth; I got nothing passed my mistress.

 

“Hmm, well, you know what that means don’t you?” she brought her small finger tips to the head of my penis and flicked it. “Open your eyes when I’m talking to you!”

 

My eyes immediately opened and saw that her large brown eyes were boring into mine, a coy smile on her full and luscious lips. My mistress was beautiful. She had caught my eye instantly, two months ago in the coffee shop, and I didn’t know it then, but I would always let her dominate me from that moment on.

 

I was her submissive. Everything she commanded, I did, no questions asked. The erotic pleasure that this woman gave me had changed my life more than I could’ve ever imagined…

 

Thwack!

 

She’d started her brutal but gratifying assault on me, and I felt my body inching closer to my release. It was too soon. My mistress didn’t give me permission to cum, and I tried hard to push it back, but her tiny finger entered my anus, and I lost it.

 

The force of my orgasm was insane; my body jerked wildly as I released my seed all over my mistress’s cherry wood floor.

 

She will not be happy…

 

As my body finally came down from my euphoric high, I opened my eyes and saw my displeased mistress standing before me…I knew the punishment would be severe….

 

“Did I tell you to cum?” she asked, annoyed.

 

“No, Mistress,” I panted.

 

“What’s the punishment for disobeying me?” she inquired almost deviously.

 

“Thirty lashings and no playtime for a week,” I answered sadly.

 

The lashings I could do a hundred of, but the playtime was what got to me. It meant I would have to go home to my mundane life as Edward Cullen, and she would continue to dominant some other lucky son of a bitch.

 

“Wrong, my dear Edward, since you disobeyed me twice tonight, it’s double the lashings and double the weeks,” she said as she reached down and stroked my deflated balls.

 

I panicked, “Two weeks, Mistress? I can’t go two weeks!”

 

She took a step back from me as my limp body hung from the ceiling. My arms were bound over my head, tied to a hook that she installed for nights like these…when playtime was in full session. I couldn’t go without this for two weeks!

 

My mistress was in full view for my hungry eyes to see, traveling over her whole body. Her knee high boots showed off her toned legs, the teddy she wore could hardly be considered lingerie because the wavy chocolate brown pubic hair was calling out to me loudly, and her firm breasts teased me to no end. She was a goddess, and now I was punished to go without her for fourteen days.

 

“Next time you will do as I say then, now, won’t you?” she spat at me as she turned to leave.

 

But I couldn’t let her go, I needed her too much. “No, Bella, don’t leave.”

 

She froze instantly, tensing at my words; she turned around and faced me with a slight glare but her eyes never fooled me. Those warm brown eyes of hers told me things that she would never say, and even when she walked over to me, slapped me hard across the face; I never broke my eye contact from her.

 

“It’s Mistress to you…make that three weeks!”

 

My mistress stomped out of the room, leaving me helpless as she went to find one of her treasured whips. My punishment was about to begin….with sixty lashings.


	2. Theory of Relativity

**Chapter One**

**~Theory of Relativity~**

"Yeah, screw you," I mumbled as I slammed the door behind me.

God, Professor Grady was such a prick. That asshole had the audacity to tell me that  _I_ was out of line? Did he even know who Albert Einstein was? I sat and listened long enough to his drivel before I just exploded from irritation. It was obvious to anyone with half of a brain that he had no clue what the fuck he was talking about, and quite frankly, that shit was just embarrassing.

" _Mr. Cullen, did you even read my synopsis? Because with your arrogant display of knowledge, I find that this class is not for you. You either can accept what I teach or leave. The choice is entirely yours."_

_Ugh, fucking asshole._

Of course I got up and left. How dare he sit there and call  _me_ arrogant. Fuck him, I'd rather be arrogant than an ignorant inbreed like him. I mean, the professors at Northwestern University were all second rate, at  _best._ I had a hard time seeing why this school was talked about so highly…someone, at some point in time, dropped the fucking ball. They should fire every one of those losers and start off with a clean slate, because what they had now was trailer park quality.

 _Fuck me, I need a cigarette_.

If I was going to have to put up with five more hours of school, I sure as hell needed a stiff coffee and a strong smoke. It was the only way I was going to keep my sanity. It was just a matter of time before my temper got my ass in trouble, couple more of these little tantrums of mine, and my parents were going to have to intervene. I knew damn well that I was a cocky asshole, but I didn't give a shit. It wasn't my fault that I was a good looking guy who came from a wealthy family. Opportunity was given to me, and I was going to use it to its full advantages.

"Morning, Edward," a soft purr came from behind me.

_Speaking of which…_

Women. That was one of the many things I didn't have to try hard for. These bitches laid it out for me every time, and all I had to do was give them a little smirk. Ha! Sometimes, not even that. Case in point, the girl purring my name began draping herself all over me like a cheap suit. Lauren Mallory. The first time I crossed paths with her was back in freshman year. I was at some random kegger, and within the first five minutes of meeting her, the girl got down on her knees and gave me the best head I'd ever had. And as an added bonus, she swallowed that shit. The girl was crazy. She never ceased to amaze me with all the kinky shit she thought up.

Like now for instance, she had her hands practically down my pants, and she didn't care if we were standing in the middle of student common area or if hundreds of people were openly gawking at us. She got off on it. She was always down for some random, out of the blue fucking, and I never complained.

Why would I? I was living the life most men would give their left nut for.

"Lauren," I said indifferently as I turned around to face her.

"What are you doing, handsome?" she asked in a low, sensual voice.

"Mmm," I hummed into her ear, "you."

She let out a small giggle, which made me smile to myself. It wouldn't be too long and I would have her bent over somewhere.

"Well, I have a little time before my World Religions class…you want to go…somewhere?" she asked, hopeful as she looked up at me with her big blue eyes, pressing her ample chest into me, and biting down on her bottom lip.

It was all so contrived, but I didn't mind. She was sexy in her own way. The body on her was amazing. She had an ass that I could bounce quarters off of, and her breasts were big, but  _so_  fake—but of course, that never stopped me from motor boating them. The only thing that was lacking was…personality, but I didn't keep her ass around because she was such a conversationalist. In fact, most women I've come across never had the skill to keep me mentally enthralled. It was just the way it was.

Emmett said it was because I surrounded myself with skanks, but I begged to differ; they just didn't give a shit about anything beyond celebrities and fashion. Who was I to judge them?

"That sounds…" I paused as I thought over my afternoon agenda.

Shit, what a fucking dilemma. Do I take her up on the good, quick screw she was offering? Or do I keep my plans with Emmett at the coffee shop?

_Fuck!_

Ass or coffee? Coffee or ass? Black coffee with two sugars or a tight, wet pussy? How in the hell was I expected to make a decision like this? Who the fuck was I…Socrates? I doubt that ancient douche would know what to do. Luckily, the sudden vibration of my phone distracted me from my thoughts.

Callously, I pushed Lauren away from me as I reached into my pocket and answered my phone, but before I could even say hello, I had a larger than life voice ranting loudly at me. "What the fuck, bitch, did we not agree on ten thirty? I swear to god, if you ditched me for one of your skanks, I'm going to fuck you up so bad."

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was only ten thirty-two. Emmett was always exaggerating shit, and he knew damn well that I wasn't  _that_  late, but he hated having to wait on me. Apparently, I had a bad habit of showing up twenty minutes—okay maybe an hour at times—late to where ever I need to be. And now, Emmett was only giving me a two minute grace period before he called me out on it. Fuck, he could be a little bitch sometimes.

"Dude, you're such a drama queen," I snapped roughly, pulling a cigarette out from my pocket. "I'll be there in a minute."

I snapped my phone shut and turned back to look at Lauren. She was glaring at me.

"Sorry, rain check?" I asked, smirking.

She had her arms folded over her chest, looking at me like she wanted me dead.

"Sure, whatever, Edward. Do what you want. You always do," she pouted.

"Awe, don't be that way, baby" I said as I pecked her chastely on her cheek.

I slapped her hard on her ass, letting her know that I would be hitting that shit later, and of course, the moment I flashed her one of my Cullen smiles, all was forgiven.

"Call me later, dick," she said teasingly as she pushed me away from her.

Like I said, this shit was fucking easy.

I gave her a quick wink as I walked away. Lighting up my cigarette, I took a long drag. It was definitely what I needed. The sex would've been amazing, but Emmett would've never forgiven me, and I really was craving some fucking coffee.

The coffee shop was located right off campus, and I managed to make it there by the time I finished my second cigarette. From the street, I saw that my best friend, Emmett, was sitting on the patio waiting for me. It was such an odd sight to see a huge guy like him in a coffee shop. He should've been in a sports bar, chugging back a large quantity of beer; instead, he was sipping on a fucking latte.

"Sorry, bro, I got caught up for a minute," I greeted as I took a seat next to him.

"Yeah, yeah…so who was it this time?" Emmett asked, pushing my coffee towards me.

"Did you put sugar in this?" I asked. He shook his head as I quickly grabbed two sugars, pulling the lid off the coffee, and making my brew just perfect. I looked back up at him, and he had his eyebrow cocked at me. I chuckled. "Who says it was someone and not something?"

"Because I fucking know you, and I know the only thing that ever distracts you is some bimbo with a large rack and a short skirt. Dude, when are you going to drop those skanks and get with someone real?" Emmett asked all fucking serious.

Great, not this shit again.

I groaned, "I'm having a good time, what's the harm in that? Stop trying to marry me off! I'm only twenty one for Christ sakes."

"You better be wrapping that shit up, man; you don't know what girls are carrying these days," Emmett warned.

I rolled my eyes at him because he was starting to sound like a broken record. Since the moment he got with his current girlfriend, Rosalie, he's been on this path of relationship righteousness, and has been trying to recruit my cousin Jasper and me ever since. He was more extreme with me, though; I was the one sentenced to eternal damnation with all my sexual escapades. In all truthfulness, I only had two girls I was seeing on a regular basis. However, I was never the one to turn down some random one night stand.

It seemed like I was wasting food or something.

"Is this why you invited me out for coffee? To make sure I was practicing safe sex?" I asked, cynically.

"No, not really, I just keep hoping that one of these days you'll actually listen to me for once."

"Well, duly noted. Now, do you want to tell me what this social visit  _is_  about?" I questioned, suspiciously.

As of late, we haven't been hanging out as much. He was with his woman all the time and I had finals coming out of my ass. It was getting hectic, and I knew something had to be important for him to suggest getting together in the middle of the day. The reality of the situation made me nervous.

I held my breath.

"I'm getting kicked out of my dorm in a couple of days, and I need a place to crash," he said in a rushed voice.

"That's it?" I asked, relieved.

"Yeah, that's it. What do you mean,  _that's it_?" Emmett asked offended.

"Well, dude, you could have asked me this shit over the phone," I laughed. I took a sip of my coffee. "However, I did need this."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "So you're cool with me crashing at your place?"

"Of course I am. You're my best friend, why wouldn't I be?"

"Honestly?" he asked hesitantly, "I assumed you would want your place to yourself and your array of skanks."

I threw up my hands in frustration. "Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, they're not skanks, asshole, and two, it's not like it's every god damn night. Give me  _some_  credit."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," Emmett said apologetically.

"Besides, it's not like I can't fuck them at their place," I said, winking.

He shook his head at me, giving me a small smile. "There's the Edward I know and love."

I smiled as I watched him sip on his frothy, vanilla latte. He shot a glance at me, giving a questioning look, and I just started laughing.

"What?" he whined.

"You... What's up with you and this vanilla latte shit? It's a bitch drink, Em," I snickered.

"It's not a bitch drink. It's fucking delicious and I suggest you give it a try…" he trailed off, looking behind me.

"What?" I asked curiously, spinning around in my chair.

All I saw was a sea of people and I was confused at what exactly we were looking at. Turning back around, I saw that Emmett had set down his latte, leaning into me, like he was forming a little huddle. I leaned in closer to the fag, just to humor him.

"What's going on?" I whispered.

"Now, that's the woman for you," Emmett whispered back. I swung back around at the mention of woman, and he grabbed my arm roughly. "Don't look now, fucker…shit, she's coming this way. Don't fucking look. We'll get caught."

Keeping my head faced towards him; I felt my excitement bubbling up for this so called perfect woman for me. Not that I could promise Emmett anything special, but his taste in women was always top notch. He watched as I stayed glued to my seat, unable to do anything else. I was losing my patience fast.

"You should go talk to her," Emmett urged me.

"Who? I fucking don't know what she looks like. For all I know she could look like your Aunt Claire," I sneered.

"Fuck you, my Aunt Claire is hot and too good for you," Emmett defended his sixty year old aunt with the massive hair growth problem.

"You're right, mustaches aren't my thing," I said teasingly.

He pushed back from me, folding his arms over his chest like a pouting child. "Fine, I ain't helping you. You can find Mrs. Right your damn self!"

"I was joking, Em, come on don't be like that. Where is she? I promise to behave," I swore. "Scouts honor."

He scoffed, "You were never a scout, douche."

"True, but do you know anyone who uses that line who was an actual boyscout?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"So, cut me some slack, dude. Where is she?" I asked, looking behind me, and seeing no one.

"She's in the coffee shop, but I'm not going to point her out to you. I want you to find her yourself," he stated adamantly.

"Sounds like a challenge," I said, intrigued.

"You up for it?" he countered.

I was up and moving before I even said yes. The regular days of pointing out a hot chick were long gone, and now there was a game of spot and seek. Well, I just decided that was what we were doing. Entering the coffee shop, I roamed the many faces, looking for  _my perfect_  woman. However, what I found was disappointing. Sure there were hot girls in there, but none that really stuck out. It was the same old bullshit. Blonde, skinny, big boobs…yadda, yadda.

It was pointless, and as I turned around to head back out, I noticed that Emmett was frowning at me.  _He_ was disappointed, well, not as much as I was. Giving up on my search, I started to walk towards the door and I saw that he was begging me with his eyes to give it another try. I almost didn't, because what started off as fun was now becoming tedious.

 _But_ I relented and turned my ass back around to search for the unknown goddess. Like before, I saw the same people. The coffee shop was so crowded, making it hard to walk around or to really see anybody. So, I decided to head towards the back where the bathrooms were. If I didn't find my perfect woman on the way there, I could at least use the facilities. The coffee was starting to push against my bladder.

Squeezing through the crowd, I slowly made my way back towards the bathrooms. Suddenly, I bumped into something or someone. It was hard to tell because it wasn't in my eye level range, but what was shocking was the strong electrical current that shot through me. It startled the fuck out of me, making me stumble back a few steps. I would've fallen on my ass if it weren't for the small hand that reached out and grabbed my shirt, pulling me upright, and stabilizing me.

"Whoa, there cowboy, you alright?" a soft, harmonic voice asked.

Looking down, I saw these large chocolate brown eyes staring back up at me. The smile on her lips was coy, like she was amused with something. The woman was fucking stunning. Her dark, chestnut hair was pulled back tightly into a bun, showcasing her flawless and luminous skin.

_Fuck me, did I just say luminous?_

It was the only way I could describe such beauty. My senses were lost, and I had no idea how to respond. Never had I been so fucking speechless and I  _always_ had something suave to say.

"Hello?" she asked, her brow furrowing with confusion.

I gulped…loudly.

_Fucking say something!_

"I was…" I stopped talking abruptly.

She smiled sweetly at me, and I just about fucking lost it. My eyes stared at her lips. They looked so soft, red in hue, and fucking plump. They were so full and not the Angelina Jolie freakish full, but the kissable, bite the bottom lip, full.

My dick hardened instantly.

"You were?" she said, trying to coax a sentence out of me.

 _Get your shit together,_ I chastised myself.

I was starting to get pathetic. If I didn't say something soon, she was really going to think I was mentally handicapped or something. How fucking long had I been there opening gawking at her? What the fuck was my problem? She was just a woman. Nothing special. She was just this unbelievably, gorgeous beyond words woman…why the fuck hadn't I said anything yet?

"I'm sorry, I was just heading to the lavatories," I finally blurted out.

_Lavatories? What the fuck?_

She bobbed her head in understanding, "Ah, I see. Well, from someone who just came from the  _lavatories_ , I must warn you, the line is steep."

"Oh, okay," I replied lamely.

We stood there looking at each other awkwardly. Her hand was still rested on my shirt, and I looked down at her delicate hand. She immediately removed it.

"Well, if you will excuse me," she said, trying to squeeze past me.

It was the weirdest feeling. There was this need to wrap her in my arms and ravage her, but my body refused to be moved. It was unlike me to be off my game like I was, and as I watched her tiny form walk away from me, I knew I had to act. If I didn't do it now, who knew if I would ever see her again...

"Excuse me," I said breathless.

She turned around, looking at me with a perplexed expression. I shoved past the people as I approached her.

"I was wondering if I could get your number," I pronounced semi-confidently.

"My number?" she asked with disbelief.

"Yeah, is that okay?" I asked nervously.

She took a small step towards me. The heat radiating off her petite frame was intoxicating. She smelled so fucking good, and I had to fight back the urge to inhale her, because I could already feel myself getting light headed.

_What's happening to me?_

"You don't even know me," she said, almost harshly.

"But, I want to."

"No, you don't," she said sternly…warningly. "Trust me."

I shook head, disagreeing with her, "But I do."

She let out a heavy sigh, "You look like a good kid and I would hate to ruin that," she gave me a sad smile. "Take care."

Before I had a chance to argue with her, she was walking away from me. Unable to let her leave, I followed her out, only to be blocked by a shit load of people. I could barely see the top of her head as she exited the coffee shop and slipping forever out of my grasp.

"Fuck," I growled.

Defeated, I returned outside and saw Emmett smiling at me. He looked mighty proud of himself, but I was pissed. If it wasn't for him, I would've never known she existed. Now, that I did, and I couldn't have her…it infuriated me.

As I slumped into the hard iron chair to sulk, I noticed him out of the corner of my eye, looking at me expectantly.

"You saw her, didn't you?" he asked, fucking bouncing out of his seat.

"Yeah," I answered bitterly.

"Why the long face, man?" he asked, confused.

"She shot me down, Em!" I grumbled.

"Really? Well that's odd, because she left with a huge ass smile on her face and you guys were in there talking to each other for like  _ever_. I thought things were going good."

"What are you talking about? She left smiling?" I asked, shocked but hopeful as I sat up in my chair.

"Oh yeah, that girl looked really fucking happy when she left," Emmett confirmed.

"No kidding? I asked for her number, but she refused to give it to me. She said something along the lines like I didn't know her or some shit."

"Huh…Well, like I said you guys were in there with each other for at least ten minutes. What the fuck did you guys talk about then?" he asked, mystified.

I looked at him skeptically,"Ten minutes? Bull fucking shit. Stop exaggerating!"

"I'm not exaggerating, if anything, I'm underestimating the time. I'm telling you, you guys were in there for a  _long_ fucking time. If you don't believe me, look at your watch," Emmett said, heatedly.

Taking his advice, I looked down at my watch and saw that it was already eleven twenty five… _what?_  He was right, I couldn't remember the exact time I went into the coffee shop, but I knew I got there at around ten forty. It was hard for me to comprehend everything that happened in that short amount of time. How could time go by so fast without me even realizing it?

_Fucking Professor Grady…_

Then it all became crystal clear to me. Everything in life was chopped up into small moments, some quicker than others.

It was like the theory of relativity.

_You put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity._

Albert Einstein knew what the fuck he was talking about all along.


	3. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

**Chapter Two**

**~Obsessive Compulsive Disorder~**

It was starting to get a little ridiculous. Every day after my Physics class, I would go up to the coffee shop and wait. It was like returning to the scene of the crime, examining every face that walked by me with my nerves in my throat; I hoped for one more chance with her. It was so idiotic of me to be so consumed with this woman, this enigma, because I knew nothing about her. Didn't know her name, where she lived, or what she did for a living. All I knew was that I couldn't stop thinking about her. I would replay our small conversation over and over in my head. Pick apart her words, and decipher the pieces.

" _No,"she'd said to me with conviction."You don't…trust me."_

What was that supposed to mean? She told me that I didn't want to get to know her, but I was supposed to trust her? Well, if that wasn't an oxymoron, I didn't know what was, because you have to know someone to trust them. What also had me fucking reeling was that good kid shit…she didn't want to ruin me?

_What?_

The condescending tone she'd used was a little unsettling. I was no kid, by any means; I guaranteed one night with me and I would have her singing a different tune. It was so maddening; It was all I could think about, and I still had nothing concrete to hold onto. Our time together was brief. Like a snap of the fingers, a flick of a lighter, or an intense orgasm…it was done and gone.

But one fact still held true…she was a complete and utter mystery to me.

What had me so obsessed, though? Our time together was so fleeting and inconsequential, so why was I still thinking about her? Why did I come to the coffee shop at the same time every day to see if I could catch a glimpse of her? In the back of my mind, I tried to down play my actions and assure myself that I was only fixated with her because she blew me off— _nobody blows off Edward Cullen_. It'd angered me that  _some_ woman, some little  _nothing_ , higher than thou  _nobody_ , had the gall to turn  _me_  down.

I was treading on unfamiliar territory, and I was scrambling to find the reason for this fascination of mine. Perhaps if I hadn't been off my game like I was that day, which still fucking baffled me, I could've showed her my natural Cullen charm, taken her out to some restaurant, and eventually sealed the deal with her back at her place. I  _knew_  she would've of been putty in my hands…I was fucking irresistible.

If only I could get a chance to cross paths with her again...to have an opportunity to redeem myself from the fuckery I'd exhibited when we first met.

Nothing would make sense to me until I screwed her. It was the only way I knew how to clear my head. If I was to bust off a good nut while inside this  _woman_ , then I could continue on with my life. Of course after that, she wouldn't be such a mystery and I would eventually cast her aside like every other girl.

 _Maybe, I would keep her around like I do with Jessica and Lauren,_ I pondered studiously.

Fuck, I was such an asshole. These excuses I made for my actions were hard for  _me_  to swallow, and this compulsion of mine was starting to get a little sad and pathetic. Day in and day out, I sat my happy ass outside the coffee shop at ten-thirty every day, on the fucking dot, just waiting for  _her._  My eyes would search the faces of random people who entered and exited the quaint establishment, just hoping that I would see her again. To an outsider, I might look like just another normal college kid, possibly relaxing between classes, completely self composed, and not at all bat shit crazy.

Yeah, I wished that was my deal. I wished that my mind wasn't such a chaotic mess. I needed to just forget about her and move on with my charmed life.

_No, what I need is a quick and meaningless fuck…_

When I wasn't actively stalking the coffee shop, I was helping Emmett move all his things into my two bedroom apartment. The beef that went down with his dorm mates was still a sore subject with him, and he refused to talk about it. Of course, I never pushed because I really didn't care. More often than not I would listen to people's sob stories just to be conversational, or on the rare cases,  _polite_ , but in all actuality, I'd rather talk about me. What was going on in my life, my problems. The topic never really mattered; it just had to involve  _me_.

I was self involved, but everyone knew that because I never made that shit a secret. People knew where I stood…I didn't need to hide who I was. If they didn't like me, fuck `em. Don't want `em, don't need `em.

' _No, you don't…trust me.'_ Her words echoed in my mind once again.

"So fucking stupid," I muttered, annoyed.

It was Thursday evening and Emmett was ninety percent of the way moved into my apartment. It was quite a sprawling bachelor pad for someone my age. In fact, someone in my financial status could only _dream_  about affording a place of this magnitude, but I was lucky enough to have my parents paying my rent. It seemed like it could be a risk to them, but in all honesty, it was much cheaper than the dorms on campus. It saved them a shit load of money and spared me my sanity.

There was no way in hell I was going to be able put up with some random asshole for four years.

"Dude, you okay?" Emmett asked, interrupting my internal monologue.

I sat down one of his  _many_  boxes of XBOX games, looking at him perplexedly. Lately, it seemed as though I'd been walking through life completely unaware of my surroundings. Apparently, Emmett noticed.

"I'm fine," I answered distantly, waving him off.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "If you're not cool with me staying here, you can fucking tell me. I'm a big boy. I can take it."

_What?_

Emmett's words confused me because I had no idea where all this was coming from. He sat at the entrance of the door looking all butt hurt and shit, waiting for me to kick him out or something, but I had no intentions of doing that. It seemed he had misinterpreted my sour mood and thought it was about him.

_How ironic…_

Before I could stop myself, I was bent over laughing hysterically. Emmett had been my best friend since junior high, and I thought the asshole would've known me by now. Like I said, I was never the type to beat around the bush, if I didn't like something, I made that shit known.

That being said, I knew that a hard punch to my gut I was currently doubled over from was a typical Emmett response for laughing at him. He often wore his heart on his sleeve, but hated feeling vulnerable. So, my laughing at his confession was a mistake on my part.

Stumbling back from the blow, my back caught the edge of the dresser, stabbing me hard but effectively halting my fall. My eyes were watering from the pain, and I shot a cold glare in his direction. Even though it was expected, it still fucking pissed me off.

"God dammit, Em…that shit fucking hurt!" I shouted angrily.

"Well, you're such a douche sometimes," he yelled back, his fist clenched tightly at his sides.

"So what? Why did you sucker punch me like that?  _Fuck_ ," I hissed.

Emmett was a big dude, and he could exert some pretty powerful strength. My stomach was aching, my cheeks were wet from my tears, and I was furious. Whatever happened to days when a gentle shove was just as effective? Why did he have to fucking punch me?

"I don't like people laughing at me, Edward," he seethed as he took a threatening step towards me.

Still clutching my stomach like a bitch, I threw up my hand to stop his advance. It was starting to get out of control between us, and the last thing I wanted to do was fight with him.

"I'm sorry, dude, but you misunderstood me," I explained.

"What do you mean?" he asked skeptically.

Finally, the pain decreased enough for me to stand upright. In my attempt to stop the situation from spiraling, I inadvertently put myself out there. Did I really want to confess to him what I'd been doing all week? It sounded crazy to me, how was an outsider going to take it? How was I going to feel when I finally admitted to it out loud? I doubted the lies I told myself would sound convincing after that. At least while my obsession was a secret, I could delude myself into thinking that I wasn't insane.

"What's going on up here," I said pointing my head, "has nothing to do with you."

"Okay, you're going to have to explain that to me," Emmett said stubbornly.

_Fucking figures…_

I sighed, "There's some shit going on since Monday that I've been trying to sort out." I paused as I saw his face fall. "It has nothing to do with you moving in, dude. In fact, you becoming my roommate is going to be kickass. It's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now."

He grinned like a buffoon at my words, and I couldn't help but grin as well, despite the fucking fact I was still alittle peeved that he sucker punched me. It was really hopeless, though, because he had such an infectious personality. A lot of people misjudged Emmett as a dumb jock, but he was so much more than that. The layers upon layers of character he showcased time after time still kept me in awe of him. He was intelligent, funny, and such an all around good guy. He was the only person who really put up with my ass, too.

"Well, what's going on then? I'm not used to this emo side of you…you're not cutting yourself, are you?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"What? Get the fuck out of here," I said laughing.

He shrugged, "How am I supposed to know? You're acting all weird. I mean, you've got to tell me what's going on. Are you gay?" he questioned seriously. "You know, I'm cool if you are."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Yeah,  _that_ would've been more convincing if you didn't just fucking take a hundred steps back away from me," he smiled sheepishly. I huffed. "No, douche, I'm not gay—or emo for that matter."

He looked at me expectantly.

"I'm just stressed out about finals. That fucking jackass Professor Grady is causing problems for me. Just a lot of stuff coming at me all at once, and I'm trying to play catch up," I lied smoothe, flawlessly.

So there it was—I had chickened out. The truth was at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't admit to it. It was going to be that way with me when it came to  _her_. I was going to lie, fake, and deny any feelings I had. The feelings that disrupted my life and made me lie to my best friend.

In hindsight, I'd eventually discover that I was going to make a habit at being deceitful.

"Oh," Emmett replied lamely. "Well, you know what this calls for then, now don't you?"

"Expert sniper shot and a roof overlooking the campus," I answered sardonically.

Emmett chortled, "No, asshole. It's time to wild out and party."

"A party? That's your brilliant solution?" I scoffed.

"Fuck yeah! Beers, bitches, big screen TV's," Emmett started listing.

"Sounds like a rap song," I retorted.

"Thank you!" he said excitedly. "We'll throw it tomorrow night. It'll be like my house warming party."

I laughed, "Your house now, is it?"

"Yup," he said as he slapped me on the shoulder. "Now get out of  _my_  room, bitch!"

Friday night it  _seemed_  that I decided to have a little party for Emmett—sort of like a house warming gift—but what I really wanted to do was get fucking wasted. The week had been such a confusing time for me, and I wanted to get so intoxicated that I forgot what the fuck I'd been trying to hash out. More than that though, I needed to get laid—find some random chick to bury my dick in.

Luckily, I had lots of options to choose from. The word around campus about my party spread like wildfire in twenty-four hours, and now my house was filled with available women. The hottest chicks had showed up wearing short skirts and low-cut shirts…they knew what I liked.

It was a smorgasbord of sorts.

Taking my time to lay the pipe, I made it a point to socialize, especially with Jasper, Emmett, and his girlfriend Rosalie—who by the way, fucking hated me. It didn't matter what I said or what I did, she would glare at me with her penetrating blue eyes. It was like she smelled shit and it was coming from me.

Well, I can't say that the bitch wasn't perceptive.

"Give me another shot," I demanded as I slammed down the glass.

Jasper looked at me skeptically, "I think you ought to slow down, man."

"Give me another shot," I repeated, completely disregarding his warning.

"Let the idiot drink, Jazz. Maybe if he drinks himself into a coma, he'll spare these skanks of his diseased dick," Rosalie said like a bitch.

"Thank you," I mumbled gratefully. "Give me another one!"

"Nah, you're cut off. Go grab yourself a beer," Jasper said as he clutched the bottle of bourbon to his chest.

_Fucking selfish._

"Fine," I huffed as I stood up. "I got a shit load of vodka in the freezer, so the jokes on you!"

Stumbling into my small, but deserted kitchen, I started to feel a little woozy. The thousand shots I had consumed might not have been the brightest idea, but I needed a quick and efficient way to forget. My desperation knew no bounds because I really detested bourbon. It never sat well with me. The last time I went binging on such foulness was last year's spring break in Cancun…fuck, I think I puked up half of my insides that night. If I didn't get something else in my stomach, I knew I was headed for an epic repeat.

Opening the refrigerator door, I grabbed myself a beer. It was going to have to do for the time being, seeing that my options were limited, but I knew it still wasn't going to end well. Ignoring my internal blabber, I popped off the lid, and took a big swig. The coldness of the brew was a relief to my parched throat, and I was feeling better by the minute.

My mind was so focused on the sensation of the beer as it coated my stomach, that I hadn't heard her approach. It wasn't until I felt her hands gripping my dick that I realized I wasn't alone anymore.

The crass aggressiveness of this person made me think it could be one of two people. Since I hadn't seen Lauren, I assumed it was Jessica Stanley. Turning around, I gazed down into a pair of brown eyes. They were flat in color and I realized how disappointed I was. They weren't the rich brown I craved.

"Hey, Jess," I greeted unenthusiastically.

She jutted out her lip in a mock pout, "You're not happy to see me?"

She was a very cute girl. She had the blond hair that usually attracted me automatically. It was cropped short just below her chin, which I wasn't a fan of, but I overlooked it. To me, she was nothing but a good lay and I had no right to dictate how she kept her hair. It wasn't like I was her boyfriend.

"I missed you, baby," I lied as I started kissing along her jaw.

She threw her arms around my neck as she wrapped her leg around my waist, pulling my groin into hers. The feel of her was lacking excitement, but I was determined to get my dick wet. It was the only thing I could think of to get my wits about me. It was the only way to prove to myself that I wasn't insane or  _worse_.

_What's worse than being insane?_

The answer to that question was too much for me to acknowledge, and I dismissed it immediately.

"You want to go to my room?" I asked seductively as I nibbled on her ear.

"Yeah," she panted.

I pulled away from her, grabbing her by the hand, and leading her towards my bedroom. The looks I got from my three friends as I passed them in the dining room were ones of disgust, but I ignored their judgment. This was who I was. I wasn't going to change for anybody, and if they didn't fucking like it then they could kiss my ass.

Kicking my door open with my foot, I spun Jessica effortlessly into my room, and tossed her onto my bed. As soon as I was in the bedroom, I shut the door behind me and locked it. Turning back to Jessica, I saw that she was laid spread eagle on my bed. My gaze wandered over her shapely form. The skirt she was wearing was hiked all the way up her thighs, and from my vantage point, I could see her green thong. She stared at me from under her hooded lids, waiting for me to take her, and I intended on doing just that.

I set my beer down on the dresser, waving to her with my free hand as I spoke gruffly, "You're a little over dressed."

She sat up on her elbows, her breasts nearly falling out of her shirt, which caused my dick to harden.

_That's a boy…we can do this._

It wasn't smart of me to be as drunk as I was and still attempt to fuck the shit out of Jessica because it was a well known fact that alcohol and erections didn't mix, but luckily my cock was willing to get its tip moist. It was dark, but dim light from under the door seemed to illuminate my room enough for me to see that she was definitely ready.

I watched Jessica attentively as she removed her shirt, exposing her small, but respectable rack to me. Her nipples were a deep pink and hard as fuck. My cock was straining against my jeans as I pulled off my shirt, throwing it off to the side. She smiled at me coyly as she reached down to remove her boots, but I shook my head, causing her to halt her movements.

"Leave those on," I instructed.

She nodded, moving her hands up to her skirt.

"That too," I added.

She narrowed her eyes at me confused, unsure of my plans for her, but the moment I joined her on the bed, and slipped my hand between her soft thighs, I could see that she was on board with me, no matter what.

"Shit, Edward," Jessica hissed as I moved her green thong aside and slid my finger in between her wet lips.

Her panties were drenched with her arousal; it made my ministrations efficient and effortless. She moaned as I sucked on her ear, letting one of my fingers enter her pussy. She turned her head towards me, and I attacked her lips with an intensity I'd never experienced. It wasn't like I loved this girl—I could barely even stand her as a person—but this need of mine to just fuck somebody; to fuck her until all my frustrations disappeared was something I considered necessary.

My eyes snapped shut as I tried to focus all my concentration on the task at hand, but as soon as I did, a familiar but distant face appeared behind my lids. Suddenly, the girl from the coffee shop was lying naked in the forefront of my mind. Her dark chestnut hair flowing over her beautiful breasts. As my eyes roamed over her body hungrily, I watched in awe as she opened her legs for me, taking her delicate fingers and splaying her lips wide, showing me everything that I'd been salivating to see.

The imagery caused me to groan into Jessica's mouth. The feel of her tongue intermingling with mine, had me completely enthralled, but not with Jessica. I was spellbound with my own imagination as I conjured up the perfect woman...Ms. Right.

As soon as I imagined my mystery girl slipped two fingers inside of herself, I inserted another finger into Jessica congruently. The soft moans that were coming out of Jessica's mouth were now used as my mystery girl's moans, and god was she glorious.

The more I pumped vigorously into Jessica, the more my mystery girl worked her proficient hands. My mind's eye watched intently as she quivered under her own touch. She took her small hand, reaching up and grazed her perfect breast. She never broke her gaze from me as she pinched her own nipple, biting down hard on her plump bottom lip. She swirled her thumb around her clitoris, and I duplicated her movements. The sweat caused a slight sheen on her ivory skin.

She was magnificent. My dick twitched as she moaned my name. Her soft pink lips were all I could focus on as I ached to enrapture them. However, I did the next best thing as my lips crashed into Jessica's with a feverish need.

It was all too much for me, and as my mystery girl reached her peak, I felt Jessica's inner muscles start clench around my fingers, soaking them as she got closer to her climax. When she cried out with pleasure, so did my beautiful temptress with dark chocolate eyes.

Jessica twitched around my glistened fingers as I pumped more aggressively. She clutched onto me, biting my bottom lip as she gave in to her intense orgasm. All these sensations, mixed with the imagery of my mystery girl fingering self and the feel of Jessica's body, caused my dick to fucking explode as well.

I came fast and I came hard.

My head was in a complete fog as I tried to process what had just happened. Removing my saturated fingers from Jessica, I quickly realized that I fucking had an orgasm fingering a girl while imagining another girl masturbating.

_Is that even healthy?_

Abruptly, I pushed away from Jessica in disgust. The orgasm was so fucking good…it was the best I had ever experienced.

"You should go," I said coldly.

She blinked a couple times as she processed my words. She looked wounded and confused, but she had no idea what the fuck I was going through, and right now, I just wanted to be alone. It was too much for me to process with her here…staring at me.

_Dammit! Why isn't she leaving?_

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" she asked in a whiny voice.

I stood up angrily as I fetched her shirt and threw it at her. The conversation was grating on my nerves. My irritation had reached its peak. She was now becoming collateral damage.

"You got off, didn't you? Now, get your shit, and get out of my room," I growled.

She glared at me as she put her shirt back on and readjusted her thong. She started to scoot off my bed, but wasn't moving fast enough for me. I grabbed her roughly by the arm and helped her up the rest of the way. She jerked away from my grasp, hurt and anger clearly on her face.

"You're such an asshole," she hissed as she gathered her purse and stormed out of my room.

She slammed the door behind her and I exhaled. The music was still thumping outside my bedroom door, and I was grateful to be by myself. There was no way I was going to be able to be around people right now, especially since I'd just nutted in my boxers.

The exchange between Jessica and I was awkward, and I had no idea what the fuck just happened. The whole purpose of bringing her into my room was so I could forget about my mystery girl, but instead I ended up inviting  _her_  into my bed.

"Fuck," I groaned petulantly, grabbing my hair and pulling it at it harshly.

I unbuckled my jeans and stripped naked. I took my soiled boxers and threw them in the hamper. The night had officially been a fucking fail, and as I tumbled into my bed, I prayed for sleep to take me. But above all else, I hoped for the alcohol that flowed in my veins to bless me into a dreamless sleep because I feared that those chocolate brown eyes would follow me there…

" _No, you don't…trust me."_


	4. Waking Life

**Chapter Three**

**~Waking Life~**

The first time I masturbated was when I was twelve—well,  _maybe_  I was eleven. I'd stumbled upon one of my mother's Victoria Secret ads that she'd received in the mail. It was the first time I'd seen a woman half naked like that, and holy shit, I damn near busted a nut in my pants. There was nothing like seeing Heidi Klum in a barely there nude bra and panties. I mean, I must've yanked my dick for five solid hours that day.

It was a good day…

The first time I had sex was when I was fourteen, in fact, after I wore out one of my mom's Victoria Secret fall catalogs...that was when Kate Sinclair found me—fucking  _Kate Sinclair_. She was my next door neighbor who was two years older than me, which meant she was  _experienced._  She had long golden blonde hair, crystal blue eyes—she was an absolute goddess, and effectively established my penchant for blondes. Unfortunately, the first time I had sex with her I was… _awful,_  just pitiful, and the whole event was over before I knew it. It was literally two pumps of my dick and I released my load inside of her.

It was a  _great_  fucking day…

It was those two experiences combined that had solidified me as a man, and I found out that I never had to masturbate again. We dated for about three months and I thought I loved her. Well, that was before she fucking stomped on my heart and started to date some senior at our school. After that, I wasn't the same shy Edward I'd once been; I was suddenly very angry and extremely cocky,  _but_  girls at my school ate that shit up and effectively created a life for me where if I wanted sex, I got it. The craziest thing was the more I was a fucking dick to them the more they put out. Perhaps that was my downfall, but for ten years, I never had to yank my dick for anything, and I wasn't turning back.

So, it was a little confusing for me when I woke up to find myself stroking my cock relentlessly. By the time I was fully awake and aware of the situation, I was already coming all over myself.

_Dammit._

My cock instantly went limp in my hand and I groaned with displeasure. The shit was disgusting. If there was one thing I hated, it was jizzing all over myself. The orgasm wasn't even worth the mess I had to clean up now and I cussed repeatedly under my breath.

 _What a way to start the fucking day_.

Getting off my bed, I went over to my hamper, and pulled out a dirty shirt. Wiping the shit off my stomach, I looked around my room and saw that it was already two in the afternoon. I couldn't believe that I'd slept the whole fucking day, but the headache that was now throbbing and pulsating behind my eyelids told me that my stupid ass was hung over. Not that I was surprised. My whole goal last night was to get wasted and fuck some random girl. There wasn't much I could recall from last night. The last thing I remembered was playing cups with Emmett, and I knew damn well that I was setting myself up for disaster. I think it was right around the fourth game and my sixth shot that things got a little hazy for me. Fuck, I really hated when I drank so much that I would had blackouts. There was no telling what I did and I could only pray that it wasn't anything too stupid.

However, the odds were rarely on my side.

Making my way into the master bathroom, I caught a glimpse of my reflection. Jesus, I looked like hell. My reddish-brown hair was flat against my head from where I slept on it. There were dark circles under my eyes, like I hadn't had a decent night sleep in ages. Of course, there was the usual bloating of a hard nights partying, but that wasn't my main concern. What bothered me was the cut on my lip.

_Where did that fucking come from?_

The probability that I'd done something stupid last night was greater than ever now. I leaned in closer to examine my face. It seemed the slit on my bottom lip was my only war wound, and I figured whatever happened last night wasn't as bad as I initially thought. Gathering my tooth brush and toothpaste, I stepped into the tub, turned on the shower, and let the hot water flow over my tense muscles. As I stood there under the spray I started to wonder why I'd been jacking myself off this morning. There were plenty of times I'd woken up with morning wood but that never resulted in me touching myself; it always went down on its own after I got up and moving. I couldn't remember any vivid sex dreams to elicit such a reaction, either. I tried to remember if I had sex last night. The fact that I woke up naked did nothing to solve the mystery because I always slept nude. The only thing that pointed to the conclusion that I didn't have sex last night was the fact that I woke up alone. Usually after a good fuck, I pass right out and rarely had the chance to tell the chick to leave. I mean, I was a fucking prick but even I had a heart…on occasion. Unless, I did tell the girl to get lost and that was how I got my busted lip.

_What the fuck happened?_

The water was starting to run cold, I realized that I'd been just fucking standing there, and not once during that whole time did I attempt to wash myself. It was hard to tell how long I'd been in the shower, but I figured it was awhile because even when I take a twenty minute shower, I never run out of hot water.

After washing myself and brushing my teeth in lightening speed, I turned off the water and got out. Grabbing one of my lush Egyptian cotton towels, I wrapped it around my waist. Glancing in the mirror as I was leaving the bathroom, I noticed that I didn't look so fucked up. My skin looked a little refreshed, my eyes were still blood shot, but my split lip was barely noticeable. It was obvious to anyone who saw me that I had a hangover, but at least I didn't look like the living dead anymore. My headache increased in intensity as I exited the bathroom into my room. I needed to find some aspirin to alleviate the pain and I needed that shit like two hours ago.

Searching my medicine cabinet, and my drawers in my bedroom, I realized that my supply was in the kitchen pantry. Leaving my bedroom, still just wearing just my towel, I headed towards the kitchen where I knew I kept my medications and pain killers. The moment I entered the dining room, I saw the back of a female sitting at the dining room table. I froze instantly. From my vantage point, all I could see was her blond hair, definitely my type. The fact that I wasn't alone had startled me. As I stood staring at the female, I had a hard time figuring out who she was.

_Doesn't look like Jessica or Lauren…_

The odds of this woman being a one night stand of mine was very likely, but that being said, I still couldn't remember for sure. I let my towel hang slightly from my hips as I made my silent approach. The moment I took a step towards the unknown blond, the floor creaked, and she turned around quickly in her seat. The woman's beautiful face was overtaken with revulsion, and there was only one person who would ever glare at me like that…

_Rosalie._

I sighed with a mixture of relief and annoyance, "Oh, thank god it's just you."

"Who were you expecting, Romeo, one of your one night bangers?" Rosalie asked as she rolled her eyes. "It's so disgusting."

"Actually, you're not that far off," I admitted as I walked past her and into the kitchen.

"Such a slut," I heard Rosalie say under her breath

Normally I would've said something back at her, but I was shell shocked when I entered my kitchen. It was such a god damn mess. The cabinets and all their contents were sitting on top of the counters, empty beer bottles overflowed the trash can, and food was just left out—getting fucking ruined.

"Assholes," I grumbled as I opened the pantry and fished out some Tylenol.

Popping two tablets into my mouth, I yanked open my fridge door, and grabbed a bottled water. The clear liquid was so refreshing and it made me realize how dehydrated I really was. Taking one more glance around my poor kitchen, I decided that I wasn't going to clean it up. Fuck, I would probably hire a maid for the day or some shit.

Exiting the kitchen, I went straight to my room to change. Throwing on some random gym shorts and a wife beater, I threw my towel aimlessly. Returning back out to the dining room, I saw that Rosalie still hadn't moved, so I decided to take a seat across from her as she texted furiously on her phone. Watching her curiously, I noticed that she was wearing one of Em's jerseys. It went down to her knees, which were bare, and I gathered that she didn't even put pants on when she got up this afternoon. My eyes skimmed over her toned legs briefly before I stopped myself. It occurred to me that I'd been checking out my best friend's girlfriend, and I quickly tried to deflect the attention away from my blatant ogling.

"Where's Em?" I asked.

"He's in the shower," she replied flatly without ever taking her eyes off her phone.

I nodded as I took a sip of my water. The silence grew between us and I welcomed it. There was never a point in our relationship where she had anything nice to say. It seemed my very presence annoyed her, which I found funny. She was dating my best friend, he was like a brother to me, I was always going to be in his life, and she needed to accept that fact—I didn't want to have to enforce the bro's before hoe's law.

She misunderstood who I was and made snapped judgments about me based on my sex life. She once told me that I was a misogynist: That I had no respect for women and I was only in it for myself. I could admit to being in it for myself, but I never hit a woman in my life, and the girls I slept with knew what I was about. Never once did I ever force myself on a girl—and to say I  _hated_  women…I fucking  _loved_  women.

"Hey, bro," Emmett boomed as he strolled into the room.

He gave Rosalie a kiss on the lips and I averted my eyes away from them. They could be quite disgusting with this lovey-dovey shit of theirs. I rarely wanted to be around them after a meal because I'd feared of upchuck. Once the smoke cleared, Emmett fell into the chair next to me. He looked a hell of a lot better than I did, and I wondered if it was just me who got shit faced last night.

It was quiet for a moment before Emmett broke out into a fit of laughter, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Man, the shit you pulled last night…I mean, fuck. Tell him, baby," Emmett chuckled, swatting at Rosalie's arm to get her attention.

She looked up from her Blackberry bored, and rolled her eyes, "You were an idiot."

"Nah, she's not telling it right," Emmett pouted.

"Do I want to know any of this?" I groaned as I placed my throbbing head in my hands.

"Don't know. Let's see," Emmett said excitedly.

I peaked up from my hands and saw that Rosalie was now smiling at Emmett as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. This was always his favorite thing to do. Whenever I got drunk and blacked out, Emmett recounted my idiocy. There was a reason I forgot it all and I told myself that it was because I didn't want to fucking remember.

"Okay, let's hear it," I urged, or relented…at this point I didn't know which one won out.

"Alright, so let's see. It started after Jazz cut you off and told you to go get sober. Ha! I told him that you would end finding more liquor, but instead you ended finding one of your ska…um, lady friends," Emmett corrected himself. "Well, then you took her back to your lair."

"What…my lair? What the fuck. Who has a lair?" I asked baffled and oddly amused with his choice of words.

"Relax, Edward. He's just been reading off his toilet paper again," Rosalie snickered.

"That figures. I knew that he couldn't possibly pull that word out of just thin air," I retorted.

He glared at us as we openly made fun of his ass. He was a good sport at times, but he loathed being ganged up on. It was the numbers that bothered him and he felt cornered.

I sighed, "We're fucking with you, Em. Stop being pansy and finish your story."

He looked at me skeptically and back at Rosalie, who had an apologetic look on her face, before he continued. He was such a forgiver. He reminded me of a pet, a big scruffy dog, who took the abuse because he forgot about it ten seconds later.

" _As_  I was saying, asshole, you took your  _skank,_ " Emmett enunciated the word and I smiled.  _Touché, Em, touché,_ "back to your room and we figured that you were down for the night. Ten minutes later, the girl storms out of your room readjusting her panties, and cursing about how you're such a fucking dick. That part of the night wasn't shocking, and if I had a quarter for every time a girl said that shit about you, I would be a billionaire," he paused as he looked at Rosalie. They both smiled as they went into song simultaneously, " _I want to be a billionaire so freaking bad!"_

"Stop, please," I begged as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

They both laughed hysterically like the shit they were doing was funny. Both of them were tone deaf and I was in pure agony. Emmett patted me on the shoulder hard and almost knocking me off the chair. I gave him a cold glare because he was a jackass and my headache was starting to come back.

"Anyways," Emmett boomed as he continued with his story, "We all thought the worst was over…" he paused as a large grin took residence on his face. "Oh, no...The best had yet to come, because about an hour later you came out of your room…"  _oh god,_ "Naked!"

"Naked?" I exclaimed.

"Yup!  _And_ sporting a massive woody," he said as he raised his pinky at me suggestively.

"I walked out of my room naked and with a fucking hard on?" I asked in disbelief.

Emmett nodded while Rosalie looked like she was going to puke. I narrowed my eyes at her, clearly offended. She had a look of disgust on her face and I knew she was exaggerating shit for Em. My shit wasn't as repulsive like she was making it.

"Oh, yeah, bro, it was pretty fucking epic. We were all pretty stunned at first because you hadn't done the whole frontal nudity in forever, and some of the ladies were enjoying the sausage show. But Jazz and I didn't want you to do anything you would later regret, so we tried taking you back to your room because you're our bro, we got your back no matter what," he said as he stuck his fist out for me to pound it.

"Thanks, man," I said gratefully as I connected my fist with his. "So, that was it? All I did was just piss off some random and display a full Monty?"

"Ha!" Emmett snorted. "You wish!"

_Fuck!_

Rosalie was thoroughly amused as she watched the color drain from my face. Being naked in front of strangers wasn't a big deal for me. In fact, I often went streaking for the fun of it. And the hard on was a little unfortunate, but what had me the most worried was my mouth. It was the one thing that got my ass and trouble, and the way Em and Rose were looking at me— _fuck!_  I knew they had some juicy, blackmailing, and possibly extortion-worthy shit against me.

"What did I do?" I asked warily.

"Well you fought us when we got our arms around you and that's how your lip got busted. Your face kind of connected with my elbow," he said sheepishly. "The whole time that we tried to restrain you, you kept on shouting something about brown eyes."

My brow furrowed with confusion… _brown eyes?_

Rosalie leaned across the table with a devious smirk, "I think my favorite part was when you pointed at the door and shouted, _"That bitch doesn't have the chocolate brown eyes I crave! She can't compare to the woman of my dreams,"_  What the fuck was that? Who is this woman of your dreams?"

My heart stopped as last night's events came flooding back to me suddenly. After I kicked Jessica out of my room, I passed out on my bed. I hoped as I closed my eyes that I wouldn't dream of  _her_ , but I fucking did. The dream was so vivid to me now. It was like I could feel everything as my fingers gripped her hair, pulling it as I fucked her sweet ass from behind. My mystery girl had moaned my name as I gave it to her hard.

_Fuck!_

The dream was all too real. I had to distract myself before I was popping a woody and having to run to my bedroom to take care of it. That was my problem last night. It was my hard cock and my frustration that led me out to the living room because I was pissed off at Emmett. He did this to me. He fucked me over when he pointed her out in the crowd. My life would be a whole lot less complicated without her in it.

"I don't recall," I mumbled.

"Anyways, you seemed pretty pissed off at me for some reason, telling me that it was my entire fault," Emmett said, echoing my thoughts. "Eventually we got you back to your room and you just passed out. It was the weirdest shit you've done to date."

"God," I groaned.

"By the way, what did you do that girl to piss her off so much?" Emmett asked curiously.

I grimaced. It'd seemed I already said too fucking much as it was. Luckily, I had the whole 'I was wasted' shit going for me, but I really didn't want to go into it with him or his woman for that matter.

"I don't know," I muttered.

"Well, bro, like I said, you need to lay off the hard stuff," Emmett said all fatherly.

I lied and I felt sick. The last night shenanigans were flashing before me at a rapid pace. The whole time I was fingering Jessica, I was fantasizing about some other woman I didn't even know.  _That_  was just the beginning. It was unlike me to do something like that because I was more of a love-the-one-you're-with kind of guy. None of it made any sense to me and I just wanted to lie down. Standing up from the table, I excused myself and went straight to my room. Once inside I closed the door behind me and looked around my room. It was the same as I left it, and I didn't know why I felt like it should've been different…but maybe  _I_  was  _different_.

_God, I'm such a fucking loser!_

Throwing myself on my bed, I put a pillow over my head, and bellowed. The pillow muffled the sound of my frustration and I knew that Emmett and Rosalie wouldn't be privy to my break down. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I acting like such a douche bag? There were women lining up for me left and right…why did I want this one? What had me so captivated? It'd been a week already! I didn't even mourn over Kate for that long.

There had to be a reason…

It had to be because I couldn't have her and she posed an unforeseen challenge for me. It aggravated me that there was no way to find her. Will there always be that desire for her that I could never quench? It irked me that she invaded my dreams. It was bad enough that she dominated my waking life. She wasn't the typical girl I went for, either. She had the brown hair that I usually overlooked, and from what I could tell that day in the coffee shop, she had real tits. Okay, so  _maybe_  that wasn't a prerequisite for me; in fact, I actually liked the real tits. They were so much softer and squishier.

This dream girl had a nice pair.

"Fuck," I hissed.

I flipped over onto my back and grabbed my dick. Just the simple thoughts had caused it to harden and ignoring the monster wasn't going to make it go away. For the second time that day I started to stroke my penis as my mind started to invoke images of coffee shop girl. The brown eyes, the perfect tits, and the ivory cream skin—with the exquisite, rounded ass that reddened brightly as I smacked it soundly into a bright cherry color.

My breathing became more labored as my strokes got quicker and the visions became clearer. My eyes rolled back into my head as I remembered the dream with clarity. I imagined my rough hands going over her smooth back as I gripped her small hips tightly, pounding into her with as much force as I could muster. The moans that my actions elicited from her made my cock twitch.

She was so fucking beautiful. She stared at me over her shoulder, secretive brown eyes boring into mine, plump bottom lip sucked in between her teeth… _fuck!_ The dream I had provided me with enough material to put in the spank bank to last a couple more of these sessions. It didn't take me too long, and before I knew it, I was coming all over my stomach again. The wife beater I had on this time served as a barrier and I didn't get the sticky substance on my skin.

_Man, how do girls swallow this shit?_

Once I was done and my penis was flaccid, I pulled off my shirt, cleaning off my hands with it. The headache was gone for the moment and as my eyes closed, I knew I would see her again…

But this time I welcomed it… I needed more material, anyways.

Every Saturday night I lived a double life. When I told my friends that I had some hot date, what I really was doing was going up to the local YMCA and teaching a piano class to young kids. I'd been teaching the class for five years now and I was in love with it. It was a far cry from when I first started, and initially, it was a way for my mom to punish me for getting caught smoking at school, or that what she'd thought. In truth, I'd actually been caught having sex with a girl and the principal lied for me. For some reason he liked me, and knew if my mother had known the truth, that she would've most likely had a brain aneurism. The guy was a dick, but I owed him to this day for that shit.

However, it still didn't make my punishment any less brutal. My mom said it was a way to teach me about life or some shit, that I needed to do something good for somebody for once and stop thinking about myself all the time. Given that I'd been playing piano since I was seven, my mom figured that I would be able to teach it, too. The first class I had was spent with me pouting the whole hour while kids ignored me and rightfully so.

At the time it felt like the community service was like a prison term, and I would count down the minutes until I was allowed to leave. It wasn't until the third session that I walked in and found an eight year old girl at the piano playing chop sticks. It was atrocious but her eagerness had inspired me. So, I decided to teach her the basic keys, and by the end of the class, we were playing several songs together. It was from that point on that I really started teaching these kids and I found was that I really did enjoy it. Every time we would complete a Chopin piece, I got this overwhelming feeling of pride. It made me high for days and I was a junkie for it.

Around six in the evening, I walked into the little auditorium and saw that my students were already going over their music sheets. They hadn't noticed me yet and I used that opportunity to listen to their progress. It was still a little choppy, but it was a far cry from three weeks ago when I presented them with the music. It was a tough piece to learn, but my kid's had talent. I knew they could do it.

"Good evening, guys," I greeted loudly, throwing my book bag on one of the available chairs.

Twelve pair of eyes shot up at me as I approached them. It was tiny Tina that made a beeline for me, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. Tina was still that precocious little girl she was when she was eight.

I chuckled as I wrapped an arm around her.

"Hi, Mr. Cullen," Tina said happily. She pulled away and looked up at me. "Did you have a good week? I practiced  _every day_. Do you think we'll be able to perform next Saturday?"

"Wow, slow down, Tina. You're talking too fast again," I said amused.

Tina smiled as she took a deep breath to calm her excitement, "I told my mom that you said that we could perform soon if we practiced hard enough."

I looked up at the rest of my class and saw that they were all in agreement with Tina. It seemed that my words had weight, and I never lied to my kids, but the sudden reality of the situation made me nervous. When I had told them about performing last Saturday, I never really went into how soon they could. I was trying to inspire them to practice more. To get to know the music we were playing. It now seemed like I had made a promise I couldn't keep and I knew I was going to have call in a favor.

_Fuck, I hated owing this asshole!_

"Okay, listen up class," I clapped my hands loudly and getting all of their attention. "We have to practice a lot before we perform publicly and I don't want you guys taking this lightly. It takes time, determination, and persistence to get good enough. So today we're going to hammer down Chopin, Beethoven, and Debussy before we perform for anyone. Is that clear?"

They all nodded their head and I smiled.

"Alright, then. Now let's get started," I instructed.

The class flew by as I listened to my students play on the three pianos that the school provided. It was around eight at night when the parents came and picked up their kids, and like every Saturday night, I stayed behind and played for me.

I was euphoric as my fingers went over the smooth white keys with ease, letting the music flow effortlessly. Playing the piano was my first and only love; it had a way of engulfing me. I closed my eyes as I played the soft melodies of the Debussy piece, Clair De Lune. It was one of my mother's favorites. She always told me how much she enjoyed the way I played and that made me happy. If there was one thing I could do by her…it was  _this._

I was midway through the piece when a sudden sensation that someone was watching me stopped my playing. Placing my hands flat on the keys, I turned around, looking over my shoulder towards the door, and there in the back of the auditorium stood a figure. My eyes tried to focus but it was still dark where the person stood. It wasn't until they opened the door to step out that the light from the hallway shined through and illuminated the figure. I was surprised to see a woman, a petite woman at that, and as I centered my eyes on the woman's form as she stood motionless in the entrance, I saw that she was watching me, too. Interested, I pivoted my body all the way around so we were now facing each other. The woman's dark hair cascaded around her diminutive shoulders and I saw something very familiar in her face. It wasn't until she smirked that I knew who it was…

_Coffee shop girl._

I shook my head in disbelief because it had to be a fucking hallucination. All the time I'd been searching for her, I couldn't believe that she was standing less than fifty feet from me now. We continued to stare at each other, both eying the other one curiously.

Did she know who I was? Without really any idea what I was doing, I tilted my head to the side and smiled. It was the cheesiest thing I ever did with a woman and it'd seemed with this  _woman_  it was becoming a habit for me.

"Hi," I said quietly as I lifted up my hand and waved.

Slowly rising to my feet, I took a broad step towards her, and before I was able to take another step in her direction, she disappeared from the entryway with the large metal door was closing loudly behind her.

"Wait!" I shouted after her.

I didn't even think about what I was doing when I ran out of the auditorium. It seemed I never thought clearly when it came to her anymore and if I was in a more stable frame of mind, that thought might've infuriated me, but it didn't. All I was focused at the moment was catching her. She was finally within my grasp and I had to have her.

It was still unclear to me what I would do once I'd caught her. It didn't seem likely that I would rip her clothes off and fuck her until I was fully satiated. It was tempting indeed, but highly doubtful.

Shoving the heavy auditorium door open, I glanced left and right wildly, unsure of what direction she might've went. Taking a chance, I turned right, knowing it would lead me out to the parking lot. Running down the long corridor, inhaling large gulps of air, I felt as though my legs were going to give out. It was an odd feeling because I was used to running at least five miles three times a week, so this feeling of fatigue after sixty feet was strange, but I didn't have time to think on it.

When I reached the door leading to the outside, I pushed it open with a desperate shove. Once the chilly Chicago air entered my lungs, I stilled my pursuit. The parking lot was virtually empty and my mystery girl had vanished. The disappointment I felt was overwhelming.

_Fuck._

The sudden vibration of my phone had startled the shit out of me and I nearly jumped a hundred feet into the air. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled the phone out and answered it without even checking the caller ID. At this point, I didn't give a fuck to who it might be.

"Yeah?" I panted.

"Edward? Are you okay? Why are you breathing so hard?" my mom asked worriedly.

_Dammit! I should've checked._

"I'm exercising," I lied. "What's up?"

"I called to see if you can do me a favor," she said offhandedly.

"What sort of favor?" I asked suspiciously as I headed back towards the auditorium.

My mother's favors usually involved me rearranging my whole life. The last time I promised to do her a favor, before knowing what it was, I had to quit smoking. It was the most fucked up shit I'd ever heard and I was so mad at her for tricking me, but I learned from it. Now, before I agree to anything I had to know what it was and preferably written down in ink.

"Here's the thing. You remember that incident with the nanny and I had to let her go?" my mom prompted.

"I do," I answered slowly.

"Well, I have an interview lined up on Monday for a new nanny and I was  _hoping_ you can go pick up the twins at school and maybe take them to get something to eat," she stated pensively.

"You want me to pick up Anthony and Masen up at school and that's it?" I asked somewhat doubtfully.

It seemed too simple. What was the catch?

"And grab them some dinner…maybe you could keep them until the morning and drive them to school," she said guiltily.

 _And_ there it was…

I sighed, "Mom, I have finals to study for; I can't be watching two five year olds all night. Is the nanny interview really going to take all night?"

"You know, I wouldn't ask you this if it wasn't important," she said innocently and I scoffed. "Edward Robert Cullen, I mean the smoking thing was for _your_ benefit and in twenty years you'll thank me. Now, your father and I would like one night alone and I don't think that's too much to ask for. Are you going to do this for me or not?"

I rolled my eyes and thank god she couldn't see it because she would've smacked the shit out of me for that.

"Did I ever really have a choice?" I asked rhetorically.

"You always have a choice, sweetie," she cooed. "But I also have the choice to stop paying your rent."

I chuckled, "That's extortion."

" _Maybe_. Now, make sure you're there to pick them up at three-thirty sharp. Their teacher will have the overnight bag and inside there will be instructions for you. Thank you so much, honey. Bye," my mom said brusquely as she disconnected the call.

"Yeah, sure thing," I muttered.

Shoving my phone in my pocket, I looked up and saw that I was already at the auditorium door. I took a big whiff of the air and was disappointed to find that it was odorless. There was no proof that she was ever here and I was starting to think I imagined the whole thing.

Suddenly, Theodore Roethke's poem  _'The Waking'_  came to mind.

_I wake to sleep, and taking my waking slow. I learn by going where I have to go._

Yeah, this shit's going to be a problem.


	5. No Longer a Figment of the Imagination

**Chapter Four**

**~No Longer a Figment of the Imagination~**

"Can I get a small black coffee and a…" I paused, glancing away from the barista and looking over at Jasper, "what do you want, Jazz?"

Jasper was standing a few feet away from me with his hands shoved into his pockets. He was wearing a black hoodie and it was covering most of his face. His eyes were drooping from lack of sleep, looking like he was going to rob the place. He took a step towards the counter and in a really low voice answered  _me_ , but kept his gaze locked on the young female behind the counter, "Just a Caramel Macchiato."

The girl was cute but looked a little young. The blond hair that she wore into a side ponytail would've caught my eye in the past, but now I found that I lacked interest. However, Jasper was very interested as he gave her a small wink in a flirtatious manner, causing the barista to blush. It was barely past seven twenty in the morning and Jasper still brought his game.

I narrowed my eyes at him incredulously before turning back to the barista, "That should be all."

She told me the total and I handed her a ten, telling her to keep the change. However, she never once acknowledged what I'd said because she only had eyes for Jasper as we walked to one of the available tables. Of course, he flirted and waved at her the whole time, and I couldn't hide my amusement.

_Was I that obvious when I flirted with girls?_

It was almost embarrassing to watch, especially when Jasper dipped his finger into the whip cream on the top of that flavored shit he drank. He reminded me of a two year old and not the suave guy he was aiming for. The flirting continued as I added my three sugars to my coffee and tried to pretend that this shit wasn't happening.

Jesus, the guy was worse than me…or how I used to be.

What? How I used to be? Fuck, this was starting to become a problem. I was losing sight of who I was and for what? Just because I lusted after someone I didn't even know? This was why I needed to talk to someone, it was either Jasper, or a therapist, and I didn't want to hand over  _that_  bill to my parents. The questions that would most likely follow were already giving me a headache.

I didn't make much money on my own and my inheritance wasn't available to me until I was twenty five.

So, that was why I was sitting there with Jasper as the silence between us grew. We were seated for a few minutes before he shot his all knowing eyes up at me. He raised his eyebrow at me expectantly, just waiting for me to get to the point. He knew something was up because it was early Monday morning and I asked him to join me for coffee. It was a rare thing for me to do and he knew that. When we were on the phone, he didn't ask me much about my reasons and I didn't really elaborate on them, either. I just wanted to get a few things off my chest, but I had no idea how I was going to articulate my thoughts.

I purposely chose  _this_  coffee shop to meet Jasper at because I was  _obsessed_ , and it seemed as If I couldn't stay away, even if it was pointless. I mean, it wasn't like she was going to show up. It was only seven thirty in the morning and she didn't show up until at least ten thirty the last time.

_She never shows up…_

"So," Jazz prompted, "are you going to tell me what we're doing here?"

"We're having coffee," I said like that point was obvious.

He rolled his eyes at me, "Level with me."

What the fuck did I want to tell him? After my imagination ran wild on Saturday night, I felt so confused. I wanted things back the way they were. I wanted my life back, where it was about two things: good grades and great sex. The way I obsessed over this  _woman_  was impeding on my sex life. The thing that went down with Jessica proved that, and then my whole pitching a tent show…fucking nightmare. It had me feeling like I'd lost sight of me, of whom I was, and the lack of control I felt was starting to piss me off. There was no way I was going to allow a woman to control me that way…I refused.

"I don't even know where to begin, Jazz," I stated, defeated.

He smiled smugly, "Does this have anything to do with brown eyes?"

My head shot up at him, almost knocking over my coffee, and he chuckled at my reaction. There was no way I was going to get out of this one now. I basically fucking outed myself in front of everyone the night of the party, and even though my courage was faltering, I couldn't deny it.

"It might," I answered noncommittally.

My half ass reply seemed to infuriate Jasper, because he shoved his whipped drink away from him as he started gathering his coat.

"You woke my ass up early for this little chat and now you don't want to be forthcoming with me?" he inquired angrily.

"You got that caramel shit, didn't you?" I spat.

I was little irritated with him for pushing me, but I think I was mostly pissed off at myself. He was the one person who knew me before all my bravado bullshit. He was there when all I wanted to do was my homework and read, while he and his buddies were playing the latest video game. He was also was the person who was there to pat me on the back when I lost my virginity, and get me wasted when I was so upset about Kate dumping me. He was more than a cousin to me; he was one of my best friends.

 _But_  he was also like everyone else in my life; he hated the way I jumped in and out of bed with women. He wasn't gung-ho to marry me off like Emmett was, but he did give me the disapproving eye from time to time.

"Edward, I really don't need this shit. Do you think I'm an idiot?" he asked furiously.

"No…of course I don't think you're an idiot. Will you please just sit down?" I asked in a hushed tone.

Jasper was standing over me in an aggressive stance, and it took him less than a second to calm down and take his seat. Many patrons were looking at us and I almost felt like they assumed we were having a lovers' quarrel.

_God, fucking Bare Back Mountain…_

"You know," he started quietly, "it really bothers me that you have so much going on in that brain of yours but you never put it to good use. I mean, you're so fucking brilliant. You're like a god damn child prodigy and the fact that you waste your time on these… _girls…_ who have no idea what it takes to be a woman…it really is below you. I'm sorry. That's such a prick thing to say, but fuck, it just boggles the shit out of me."

He was right, and I knew he was right. Most of the females I surrounded myself with were hot, but that was as far as it went. They were often so consumed with the latest gossip, their manicures, and just over all kinds of frivolous shit. There was no substance between the hotness, and I was okay with that. It never occurred to me to look for more than that. It was all a game and one I was good at. It was easy. It kept me single. It kept the drama of any relationship at bay… _and_  it was this life that I was trying to get back. It was what I understood, what made sense to me.

That was why Jasper's comment angered me. He was trying to take it away.

"You act like you don't do the same shit," I stated spitefully.

"No, my dear cousin, that's where you're wrong. You see, I'm a serial monogamist. You are just a man whore," he corrected.

"A man whore?" I questioned, insulted.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say something that wasn't true? I mean, you sleep with whatever comes your way and you don't consider that to be a little whorish?" he asked mockingly.

He sat there with conviction, basically challenging me to come back at him. Jasper wasn't a moron by any means, and I knew exactly what he was doing. He was goading me into telling him the truth…which worked like a charm.

"Look, there is something going on with me and I don't know what it means. It has to do with a woman, but I don't know her, and I will likely never see her again…it's just…I can't get her out of my fucking head. Is that normal? Have you ever had that happen to you?" I asked hastily.

The words fell out of my mouth like word vomit and I was powerless to stop it. Jasper looked at me ambiguously, and a hell of a lot longer than I would've liked. The silence was maddening and I was close to losing my shit. If he didn't respond soon, I was going to recant everything I told him.

I would claim fucking insanity and I was pretty sure that anybody would believe me, too. Hell, I was convinced I was insane. No normal man obsesses the way I was over this woman I only met for a second. Sure, they would've pounded one out in her honor, but repeatedly stalking the place where the brief encounter took place was unlikely.

Only nut jobs with mommy issues did that.

"This woman is brown eyes, correct?" he asked verifying.

"Yes," I admitted.

He leaned across the small wooden table all conspiratorial, and I sat back in my seat. There was no way in hell I was going to lean into him as well. We would've looked like two gay guys about to make out, and I didn't need that rumor flying around campus.

We'd already had our lovers spat in public.

"What do you mean, you don't know her?" he asked.

I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair, "I saw her last week at this coffee shop. I asked for her number and she blew me off."

I kept my head down, because I didn't want to see his expression, or my expression to be perfectly honest. The fact that I was admitting my shortcomings out loud made me cringe.

It wasn't a proud moment for me.

"She turned  _you_  down?" Jasper asked, chuckling.

The guffawing that came out of his mouth made me look up. Jasper was looking away from me, but his shoulders were shaking…as if he was trying to keep his laughter from coming out.

_He finds my misery amusing…_

"Yeah, laugh it up, fucker," I hissed.

"Man, this woman is badass. I think I like her already," he mused.

It turned out that even confiding in someone such as Jasper was fruitless, because I was a joke to him. It seemed my past was catching up with me and all people saw me as this man whore. Well, okay, they had every right feel that way, but screw them. And screw Jasper! He practically coerced me into telling him, and how does he respond? He makes fun of me.

_Some fucking friend—no, so much for fucking family._

"What? What did I say?" Jasper asked innocently when he saw I was leaving.

"Look, I called you here because I was confused, but you just treat me like some fucking punch line. So, thanks for that," I said bitterly.

"Oh come on, you have to see the humor in this. I mean, you never get turned down, dude, and the fact that this one woman who  _did_  has you all in a tizzy…its fucking karma," he said matter-of-factly.

"Karma?" I questioned gruffly. "You realize what karma means, right? It means that you get what you put out and didn't you just fucking say that I never turned down a bitch in my life?"

"Well, I didn't call them bitches," Jasper said sheepishly.

"No, you and Emmett call them skanks. Yeah, that term is far less degrading," I retorted furiously.

He chuckled at the word skanks and I shot him a cold glare. He then held up his hands as if to call a truce; I scoffed at the gesture.

"What do you want from me, Edward? What do you want me to say? That you're crazy and you need to go fuck anyone you can to forget about this woman? Well, I'm sorry, I won't do that. The truth of the matter is that I think you need to slow down with this promiscuous shit of yours and get focused. You think I don't know what you do? That I don't see you just sailing through life doing as little as possible?" he inquired seriously.

"I don't sail through life," I said feebly.

"The fuck you don't. You seem to forget that I was there with you growing up."

The conversation was turning into something that I didn't want to talk about, and even though I called  _him_ , I was starting to regret it. He was right, though. I wanted him to tell me to forget about her. The life that I was so desperate to get back was now starting to sound a little empty and sad.

My head was all sorts of fucked up and I was more confused than ever. All thanks to Jasper Whitlock. Prick extraordinaire.

"Fine, I get it. I'm a fuck up and everyone knows it," I said in a low tone.

Once again, our conversation was getting heated, and it was causing the whole coffee shop to turn their attention towards Jasper and me.

However, I was too angry to give a shit.

He sighed with frustration, "You're not a fuck up, E. We just see you doing more with your life."

Did he just fucking say  _we?_  I didn't even have to ask, I knew who he was referring to, and they were my overly bearing parents. It didn't surprise me in the least, but it did make my anger reach a whole new level. How like him to go rushing off to them to talk about me, the fuck up, the one who could do so much with his life, but doesn't.

_It was unbelievable…_

"Yeah, I'm sure you guys talk about the shit all the time behind my back. So what, Jazz? What did you assholes discuss? Did you guys figure out my life ambitions over Crème Brule? Did you all decide that I was to follow into my father's footsteps and become a doctor?" I asked resentfully.

"What? No, Edward. That was not who I meant?" Jasper defended.

" _Who_  did you mean then?" I questioned harshly.

He shook his head, not really sure how to answer me, and I was done talking. At this point, I would've fared better if I would've talked to Emmett; at least with him he would've encouraged me to find her. Shit, he probably would've offered to help in the search because he wanted to see me committed to someone. Jasper was too busy telling me who I could be instead of actually listening to what I was telling him. The potential speech was wearing thin and I didn't want to hear it anymore.

It was bad enough I had my father lecturing me all the time about what career path I should to take.

"Listen, I gotta go, Jazz," I said curtly.

"What, so that's it?" he asked, shocked.

I shrugged, "What do you want me to say? You aired your grievances, but now I have to leave. It's almost eight and I don't want to be late for class."

"That's bullshit. I said some things that you couldn't handle and now you're shutting me out," he said, speculating.

I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, "Look, I don't want to be an asshole to you, especially after you came out all this way, but I don't see this conversation going anywhere positive, and for our friendship, I think we should just stop."

"Okay," he replied simply.

"Thanks, man," I said gratefully as I reached out and shook his hand.

"Anytime, Edward…I mean that," he said in a sober tone.

"Yup." I nodded as I moved around him to leave.

As I waved goodbye to Jasper, I shoved the front door open, and walked out into the frigid air. The chill hit me right away and I folded my arms over my chest to keep warm as I headed towards the campus. The streets were covered with a light dust of snow and I shuffled my feet through, leaving a path in my wake.

It was barely December and we were having one of the coldest winters in the history of Chicago. It was rough on me because I hated the cold. Even though I'd grown up here my whole life, I had yet to get used to it, and I doubted I ever would. It was nasty and I detested the way my body would ache from it. Even walking the short distance to the campus had already frozen half my face off.

I needed to move.

My plans after graduation were to move to a far warmer climate. In fact, I had my eyes set on a state. Some of my old friends from high school had moved to Arizona to attend ASU, and they were constantly raving about the dry heat there. Just yesterday, one of those assholes text me to fucking brag about their eighty-three degree weather, while I was here suffering and freezing my nuts off. If it wasn't for my mother going all spastic on me about moving, I would be there at this very moment.

After I graduated, she wouldn't be able to stop me and I had a place to live already set up. My parent's assumed that I was going to find an architect job in Chicago and live by them for the rest of my life. However, I wasn't going to let that happen. It wasn't like I hated my parents. In fact I adored them. It was just I needed to be away from them to spread my wings. They had high expectations for me and I didn't know if I would ever be able to meet them.

Shit, it wasn't even about that. I mean, I always planned on moving away from Chicago.

It was all just matter of when…and I prayed it was soon.

The fucking weather was killing me. I mean, by the time I reached the science building, my fingers were already frozen, and my coffee was useless. Throwing it into the trash, I rushed to the door, thrusting it open, and letting the warmth thaw me. Thank god all the classes were inside and I could wait in a heated hallway.

I didn't want to be a fucking icicle.

Pulling out my architectural science textbook and placing it beside me, I grabbed my notebook and started to review for today's test. It was a few weeks before winter break and the whole school was in finals mode. It was such hell during this time, and if this shit didn't come naturally to me, I knew I would've been feeling the pressure as well.

My parent's always bragged about my intelligence and told me when I was four months old I said my first word… _soap_. My mom always seemed little hurt that my first word wasn't mama, but I joked that I had a thing for clean hygiene.

She didn't find the humor in that one…

Throughout my whole school career I'd excelled pretty quickly. When I was in second grade they tried to skip me a few grades, like I was Doogie Howser or some shit, but I refused and balled my eyes out. Apparently, I didn't want to leave Jasper and my friends. My parents relented and allowed me to stay behind, which was a little uncommon. And schools really did whatever the hell they wanted, but money had weight…my parents were loaded with it.

So, I was left to stay the three grades behind with my friends, but the downside was that I knew everything and became bored—no, I became  _lazy._

Fuck, was I ever lazy. It was quite problematic and often I would slack, get a less than stellar grade on a test just because I didn't care, because I knew I would make it up later. I was always on the brink. Jasper was so right about me and the potential I had to be better was there, but my lack of giving a shit was missing. I was trying to breeze through college. Do as little as possible.

It was obvious to me right then that I was the one who was disappointed in my behavior. All this time I thought I was living the life, that I was making something of myself, but I was wrong. God, if my parent's truly knew me, I was sure they would be unhappy with the way I coasted through life.

Would they look at me the way Jasper's looked at me?

How all my friends looked at me?

How I looked at me?

_Why the fuck I'm here again?_

All morning, I promised myself that I would not come here. Even told myself over and over again that I was far too busy, and the shit was becoming ridiculous. The distractions that I tried to force upon myself were a waste of time. Why was I still thinking that screwing women would fix the problem?

The conversation with Jasper didn't help me in the slightest; in fact, it left me feeling even more confused. He didn't give me the answers I craved. He told me to stop fucking, get my life straight, and become who everyone wanted me to be, which at this juncture, I wasn't sure who that was. And all I knew was that I needed to forget about the coffee shop girl and our ten thirty date.

Perhaps, that was why I sought out Lauren after my physics class, hoping she could quench this fire that raged within me. The fact that I didn't have to search very long was comforting. As soon as I exited the science department building, I saw her standing, soaking up the unusual sun, in the middle of the student common area. My plan was set and operation to forget was put into motion.

I didn't even have to say shit to her, either. She was more than happy to oblige me when I grabbed her by the waist and attacked her with my crazed lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into her groin, causing the friction I'd been missing for a week. It was raw, forceful, and _desperate_.

It was so simple.

It was so easy.

It was so fucking empty.

What made matters worse was that my intentions were futile. This little impromptu make-out session with Lauren was for nothing because no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on Lauren's lips and the way her tongue tasted like peppermint, I couldn't dispel brown eyes completely. She was there…in the back of mind…taunting me.

What was sad was that I enjoyed my visions and it made kissing Lauren easier— _fuck!_

No, it made me…hopeful? At one point I thought I would forget about stalking the coffee shop and perhaps I could stay with Lauren, but all that changed when the alarm on my phone went off just as I was whispering empty promises into her ear. It stilled me damn near immediately and I knew what that alarm meant for me and my sanity. It was alerting me that it was indeed ten twenty and I had only ten minutes to get my ass down to the coffee shop.

That was the ultimate test for me, because it would show where my true priorities lay. I could choose to ignore it and continue to shove my tongue down Lauren's throat, or I could follow the path of disaster, and keep my date with…

Fuck! I knew where it was going and truth be told was that I could've ignored it. I  _should've_  ignored it.

_Why didn't I fucking ignore it?_

So, what did I do? I made up some lame excuse about meeting my parents before I ditched Lauren, standing breathless, heated, and aroused. She was ripe for the picking, but no. I was my own personal cock blocker, and I had to keep my date with a figment of my imagination. At this point, I wasn't entirely convinced that she was even real. She was just this beautiful, brown haired goddess who'd invaded my thoughts and my dreams.

I needed to forget about her.

I needed to move on.

But wants and needs are two different things, and what I wanted far outweighed anything else, because I was a selfish creature and I wanted to have her. That was why I was sitting in the coffee shop, sexually frustrated, and looking like some lonely creeper, but knowing this…I couldn't stop. The fact of the matter was that above anything else, I was a about keeping a set routine…no matter how unhealthy said routine may be.

The whole thing was becoming habit forming for me, and at precisely ten thirty, I would order myself a coffee—sometimes a tea, but generally just coffee. I would take a seat towards the middle of the coffee shop, but close enough to the window so I could examine passerby's faces as well.

Every day was never changing. It was always the same thing. I would leave completely disappointed and angry at myself for doing that shit again. It was addictive and I didn't know how to stop. I didn't know how long I would keep this routine up and that scared me.

Would I be doing this shit for the rest of my pathetic life?

"Fuck! Move that piece of shit of yours!" I hollered at the idiot in front of me.

My last class had kept me behind to discuss the final essay, although I was more convinced that Mrs. Cope kept me after so she could try to feel my junk again. She did this constantly because of that one time that I was a dick and toyed with her emotions. She had given me an F on one of my exams, and she wouldn't let me make it up. It would've ruined my GPA, and even though I was lazy, I refused to accept anything less than a four point-oh average. So, I flirted, I conned, I did what I could—apart from sleeping with the hag—to change her mind.

I wasn't proud of it and have regretted it ever since.

Now, that little fiasco of mine had me stuck in rush hour traffic. Fuck, the way things were looking, I was going to be late picking up my brothers. It was already three fifteen and I was another thirty minutes away. My parents were going to kill me. Which, I didn't blame them. My brothers were my buddies and even though I acted like they were an annoyance to me in front of my mom, I couldn't deny that the little guys were badass.

But none of that mattered if I didn't get there on time, though. I was pretty sure I would go down as the world's worst older brother and I didn't want that.

"Fuck," I growled loudly as I banged my fist on the steering wheel.

We were all at a dead stop and only moving a few inches every few minutes. Bumper to bumper traffic was always a pain in the ass, but now it was just grating on my nerves, and I was about to go fucking postal. The only thing that was going to calm me down was a cigarette. As I reached for the pack, I realized that it was empty.

_God dammit!_

Taking a quick glance at the clock on the dash, I saw that I had less than ten minutes to get there.

"Shit!" I hissed.

_This is not good…this is not good!_

Driving frantically into the parking lot at St. Matthews Catholic Elementary, I took a furtive glance at the time and saw that I was ten minutes late. It was long enough to be considered late but not long enough to be considered a piss poor brother, which at the moment, I felt like.

Thankfully, the traffic had cleared and I drove like a mad man all the way here. The countless traffic laws I broke were mounting and I was lucky I didn't get pulled over.

Jumping out of my car, I pressed the lock button over my shoulder as I sprinted up the stairs towards the main entrance. It looked as though most of the students had already emptied out. It didn't taking me long as I jogged down the hall to find my brothers sitting on a bench in the hallway. They both were chatting with their teacher as she held the overnight bag in her hand.

"Sorry," I panted as I skidded to a stop. "Traffic was just fu…it was awful."

"Edward!" the boys shouted in unison as they jumped off the bench and rushing me.

The little guys were strong and damn near knocked the wind out of me; luckily I was able to catch myself before I fell on my ass.

"Hey, losers," I said happily as I pulled them into a hug.

"Guess what?" Anthony said in an excited tone.

"What's that buddy?" I asked as I tousled his striking blond hair.

"Mom said that we get to spend the night with you," Masen interrupted.

Anthony glared at Masen as he pushed him away, "I wanted to tell him!"

"You always get to tell people," Masen shouted as he pushed his brother back.

"That's because I'm older,  _stupid_!" Anthony spat.

The little guys were getting out of hand and I could tell that their teacher was a little exasperated as she reached down, pulling Anthony by the arm, and away from Masen. I looked up at her and saw that she was pissed. She was an older lady, I would say in her fifties, but time was cruel on her. It didn't help that she wore her hair in a big bun on top of her head.

"Mr. Cullen," she said icily.

I stood up quickly, feeling like I was in primary school again. She stared at me skeptically, narrowing her ice blue eyes at me as she shoved the bag into my chest. It was forceful, aggressive, and it really fucking hurt. Whatever I did really seemed to upset her, and I was trying to figure out if it was because I was late or if it was because I allowed the boys to fight.

At this point, it was a tossup.

"Sorry, I was late," I said trying to apologize again.

"If you're going to be picking up the boys regularly, I would appreciate you being here ten minutes before school is out," she said sternly.

"Oh, I'm not planning on picking them up every day. I'm just doing my mom a favor," I stated adamantly.

She nodded stiffly, "Well, at any rate, it's best to be here on time. My life is busy and I'm not a babysitter, you got that?" I nodded at her demands and just as quickly, she looked down at the twins and smiled softly. "Well, boys, remember to practice your ABC's, okay? We have a big test tomorrow."

"We will, Mrs. Banner," the boys sang.

She gave me one more disapproving look before she turned on her heel and walked away. The childish side of me wanted to flip her off, but I refrained. I didn't know what her problem was, but I was starting to feel grateful that my mom didn't send me to catholic school. I mean, if all the teachers were like her, I knew I would've been punished with lashings for running my mouth.

_Wait, do they even do that?_

"So, guys, are you hungry?" I asked suddenly.

They both nodded eagerly. I threw the duffel bag over my shoulder and held out my hands for them to grasp. As I turned to leave, something red caught my eye. Stopping me in my tracks, I turned to look down the hall at a young girl in a bright red sweater and that was when I saw  _her._ It was mystery girl in the flesh and she was less than twenty feet from me.

Panic suddenly sank in when I realized that she was no longer a figment of my imagination. She was as real as my two brothers and god was she stunning. I gawked at her unabashedly as she talked with the girl in the red sweater. Her mahogany brown hair wasn't pulled back like it was last week, but instead lay in waves against her back. My eyes roamed over her body fiercely. The way she stood causally with the young girl, smiling with ease, and the simple affection she showed towards the girl as she placed her hands on the girl's shoulder, all were being ingrained into my brain because I didn't know if I would see her in the future. Although, seeing her now in detail, I realized how deluded I was Saturday night because having her so close to me now it quite obvious that my hallucinations weren't that generous.

Still, I had to know for sure.

"Hey, Mace, buddy," I said as I got down to his level without ever taking my eyes off her.

"What's up, poop face?" he asked, giggling.

"Who…is that?" I asked as I nodded my head in her direction.

It was like my eyes refused to leave her. It wasn't until both the boys started giggling that I begrudgingly took my eyes off her. When I looked at the boys, I noticed that they were smiling all deviously and their faces were a bright tomato red.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"That's Miss Swan," Anthony whispered.

"She's really pretty," Masen finished in even a lower voice.

The twins had some good taste just like their older brother, and as I glanced back at Miss Swan, I wished I had more teachers like her when I was going to school—except, what if she wasn't a teacher. Not that it made any difference; I just needed to know more about her. The enigma was slowly revealing itself, and who would've thought it would come from two five year olds.

"So, she's a teacher here?" I asked and they both nodded.

Standing up, I took both boys back over to the bench; I had them sit down, and dropped their duffel bag down beside them. Suddenly, I was feeling paranoid that she was going to disappear on me again; I took a quick glance in her direction, and exhaled when I saw that she was still talking to that student. When I faced the twins again, they were both looking up at me a little confused.

"Listen, do you think you guys can behave for just a minute while I go talk to Miss Swan real quick?" I asked.

"You like her!" Masen blurted out loudly.

His voice managed to echo through the hall and I feared that his loud mouth would've reached her ears, but luckily, his slip went unnoticed.

"Mace," I reprimanded. He cowered away from me slightly as his eyes shifted towards the floor. I softened my tone. "Now, I just need to go ask her something and I need you guys to behave. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes," they said.

"It's going to be just one minute, okay?" I repeated for extra measure.

The boys stared at me with wide green eyes as they nodded to my instructions. They were good kids and they always seemed to listen to me, so I knew that they would do as I said and behave. It wasn't like I was going to be far away from them anyways. I just needed to talk to her. The obsession that I'd been experiencing was reaching its breaking point and I needed a reprieve.

I had to find out what made her so unique to me.

This was the second chance that I'd been hoping for. I figured if I just talked to her, get a feel for her, and  _hopefully_  see that she wasn't so special after all. Fuck, I need to get whatever she had over me out of my system.

Oddly enough, I didn't even care if I banged her anymore; I just had to know what it was. Why she invaded my thoughts…

The twins watched me as I made my approach towards her, and as I got closer I really saw how breathtakingly beautiful she was; this was not good news because secretly I hoped that she wasn't what I thought. That maybe by the grace of god she was repulsive and that I imagined her beauty, but fuck me if my imagination didn't do her justice.

She was a lot smaller than I remembered, but she wasn't skinny by any means. She was wearing a tight black pencil skirt that showed off her womanly curves. The heels that she wore were not high, pretty basic, but somehow they made her look so fucking sexy. The white blouse that she was wearing was buttoned all the way up to the neck and I craved to rip it off her…

Okay, so maybe I lied, I still wanted to ravage her.

The moment the little girl walked away from Miss Swan, I was standing just mere feet from her. She didn't notice me at first, and I closed my eyes as I inhaled her overwhelming fragrance. It was a stupid thing to do considering when I opened my eyes she was looking at me with a confused and slightly appalled expression.

"Can I help you?" she asked coldly.

This was my time to redeem myself, but it seemed as though I was being the nervous bitch again. It was hard to focus on anything. My eyes kept looking at her lips as she waited for me to answer her. They were the most beautiful lips, full, pouty, and a deep, burgundy red.

 _So_ , that being said, I ended up saying whatever crossed my mind…not smart.

"Hi, don't you remember me?" I asked, nervously.

She narrowed her eyes at me, "Not particularly, no."

"Well, um we sort of met at the coffee shop last week. We bumped into each other. It was really busy that day and I was going to the restroom, but the line was backed up. I asked for you're for number and you kind of shot me down," I rambled.

 _Shut the fuck up!_  I inwardly cascaded myself.

Even though my ramblings had made me look insane and pathetic, I'd hoped that it would have jogged her memory. She cocked her head to the side as she studied my face and I could see her brain working as she tried to place me. It broke me to know that to her I was not memorable. I mean to know that all the days that I spent pining over her and dreaming of her face, that in the end, I never even mattered to her.

"You don't remember," I said dejectedly.

It was so pitiful that I couldn't even keep the sadness out of my voice, and as she shook her head marginally at me, I felt my face fall. It was such a strange thing for me to experience, the fact I cared so much whether this woman remembered me or not, was unlike me. It was so idiotic to be so consumed with her the way I was, because I didn't know her. It was such a small moment in time; of course she didn't remember me.

So, why did it feel like my whole world had been destroyed?

"That sucks," I muttered under my breath, completely deflated.

It was the reprieve I wanted—no, needed. It was time for me to finally give up and claim defeat. The hope that I had was squashed, and now all I wanted to do was go have a smoke…or maybe go jump off some a high and jagged cliff.

"Well…" I trailed off as I turned to leave.

"Lavatories."

That one word had reeled me back, stopping me still, and as I looked at her, I saw that her deep brown eyes had softened considerably. She was so gorgeous, and it took everything I had to not kiss her, but seeing as how I just got her to remember me, I didn't think that it would go over too well. We weren't even up to bat yet, and I was already desperate to round the bases with her.

"Yeah, I was looking for the lavatories," I said eagerly and fucking elated that she remembered me.

"So, did you find your way that day?" she inquired with a heartbreaking smile.

I was momentary distracted as I watched her pink tongue dart out and lick her lips. Shit…I'm jealous of her tongue—no! I'm jealous of her lips.

"Um, I did," I managed to say. "Thanks to you…my name's Edward."

I held out my hand for her to shake and she looked at it skeptically, like she wasn't sure, or perhaps I was trying to trick her in some way. Finally, she placed her small hand into mine and like before at the coffee shop, a small electrical current shot through me, and I pulled away quickly.

My eyes searched her face, looking for any indication that she felt that shock, but she never showed any signs that she did.

She was as cool as a cucumber.

"It's really nice to meet you, Edward. My name is Miss Swan. I'm an art teacher here," she said formally.

The fact that she made it a point to inform me that she was a teacher didn't go unnoticed by me. She tried to pull it off like that piece of information was a leap forward with her, but her tone and demeanor told me otherwise. She was holding back from me.

Did she feel the electrical spark as well?

"You don't have a first name I can call you by?" I asked playfully.

It was a way for me to test the waters with her. How far would she allow me to push her? The response I got was a little unexpected, and the cold glare she shot in my direction had taken me by complete surprise. It was such a severe gaze and it intimidated me. I'd never had a woman cause such a reaction in me. It made me want to be… _compliant?_ There was no other way to describe it, even though it didn't seem to fit. It was such a strange notion because I was the rebel, the asshole who did what he wanted, when he wanted.

She was this tiny little woman…who could probably kick my ass.

"I think under the circumstances that calling me Miss Swan is more appropriate," she said sternly.

I was confused by her meaning and when she glanced down the hallway at my brothers, I caught on very quickly. She was in full teacher mode and she expected me to treat her as such, except there was only one problem with that...

"I'm not a student," I replied dumbly.

She smirked, "I didn't think you were."

God, she was sexy. It was small gesture, but the way she bit down on her bottom lip before glancing away from me, was all it took for me. My mind and body reacted immediately to her, and I prayed that she didn't notice that I was getting aroused. It was not the place for it and my brothers were less than thirty feet away, but I couldn't help it. She was a siren, an insanely gorgeous woman, and the way she looked at me from under her eye lashes.

 _Is that sign_?

It was the little clue that I was looking for, the one thing that would tell me that she was attracted to me. It was the same look that I'd seen many times in the faces of my countless conquests.

It gave me the confidence boost that I needed.

"I would really like to take you out," I said, working my charm.

Her eyes widened at my abrasiveness, and for a split second, I thought she was going to bite, but she closed her eyes and shook her head. When she reopened them, I saw the fierceness behind those deep orbs of hers, and before I could argue, she put her game face back on.

"I don't date student's family members. It's not ethical," she stated coolly.

"None of my family members attend this school," I lied. Obviously.

"Really? So do you mind telling me who those two precocious gentlemen are?" she questioned as she pointed towards Anthony and Masen.

Both of whom were now standing up from the bench and watching us with curious eyes. Those little bastards were only going to get an hour on Emmett's XBOX, instead of the three hours I had originally planned.

I shook my head adamantly, "Yeah, I don't know them."

"Is that a fact?" she asked suspiciously and I nodded. "So, you would rather me believe that a young man, such as yourself, is just randomly up at an elementary school? No kids to pick up? You're just here?"

"Yes," I answered tensely.

"Should I alert the police?" she asked half seriously.

"No," I nearly shouted.

"So, let's try this again. Are those two boys yours?"

"They're my baby brothers," I admitted.

It was hard to look away from her, and even though I could feel her turning me down again, I couldn't find it in me to care. Well, I cared, but I didn't believe her. Because I saw it in her eyes, it was the way she looked at me, pleading with me. I was positive that she was attracted to me, and for some odd reason, she was using excuses to turn me away.

It frustrated the hell out of me, but it made her…interesting. I wanted to know more about her and that was a first. She seemed independent and ferocious. It was hard for me not to want her. She was unlike any other girl—no,  _woman_ I've ever encountered.

"So, I'm sorry, Edward. I can't date you," she said smugly as she turned to leave.

As she turned her back to me, I decided that this time I wasn't going to let her escape me so easily. If I thought I was obsessed with her before, it was now reaching an overwhelming height. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed her upper arm. She stilled instantly and I smiled because I knew I had her.

I leaned in close and whispered into her ear, "I would really like to take you out and if you think I'm going to go away easily, I've got to tell you…I can be very,  _very_  persistent."

The act itself had crossed an invisible line, and to some, what I did could be considered harassment, but I had to touch her again. The logical part of my brain went straight out the window the moment she came into my life. Unfortunately, the white blouse was long sleeve, and sadly I didn't have the skin to skin contact I craved, but somehow, it was enough.

She took her right hand and placed it over my mine. The feeling was amazing, and I almost thought she was encouraging me. That was until she dug her fingernails into my skin, and peeled my hand away from her arm. She turned around and faced me again. The intense look was back, but I also saw  _lust_.

_Holyshit! Did I just turn her on?_

"Edward, do you mean what you say about this  _persistence_?" she asked coyly.

"You better believe it," I replied, low and thick.

She took a step towards me, dangerously and overwhelmingly close, fucking knocking the wind out of me. My eyes raked over her flawless face and I saw that she had tiny little freckles on her nose. It was strange, but it made her so much hotter to me. Her skin was pale, but it wasn't pasty. It was smooth and creamy, and I wondered what she tasted like.

_Coconut and vanilla…_

"Well, let's see who cracks first, shall we," she said as she blew her sweet scent across my face.

"Okay," I croaked

She smiled as she turned towards the twins, "You better leave. Those boys look pretty hungry."

Just like that, any confidence or slick moves I thought I had were gone. Like a minx, she'd upped her game and left me feeling useless. There was something about her and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I mean, she left me in the fucking hall dumbfounded by her words, and I found it hard to get my bearings. She was sexy as hell and knew how to take control of a conversation.

For the first time, I was speechless—well, scratch that. She always left me speechless.

As I turned to leave to rejoin my brothers, a soft hand reached out and grasped my forearm. I looked down and saw that my brown eyed beauty was there again.

"By the way, persistent Edward, my name is Bella," she said quickly.

"Bella," I repeated quietly.

She gave me a wink as she pushed me away from her and towards the boys. It was the weirdest feeling and I had a difficult time moving my feet. My brain didn't want to cooperate with my limbs. It was as if they were swimming in the essence of coffee shop girl…now known as Bella. It was unreal how fucking gay I was becoming and thank god no one could hear my inner dialogue.

That shit would just be flat out embarrassing. There I was getting sprung over a woman I didn't even know. Fuck, but I want to know her. She had no idea the extent I would go to get her to give me one chance. It wasn't like I was asking her to move in with me. It was just one, measly, insignificant date…that was all.

_What the hell am I doing?_

"What were you and Miss Swan talking about?" Masen asked, suspiciously.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Nun yah."

"What's nun yah?" Anthony asked.

"None yah business, fools," I hollered as I scooped them both in my arms.

They laughed wildly as I tried to tickle them. If it wasn't for these two guys I would've never come across Bella. It was because of them that I would see her every day. The plan was already forming in my head, and as I set them back down on their feet, grabbing the duffel bag, I decided to let them in on it as well.

"How would you guys like if I picked you up from school from now on?" I asked jovially.

The cheers I got from the twins were deafening, and I wondered briefly if Bella heard all of the commotion. Well, the boys were pretty damn loud and I'm pretty sure people twenty miles away heard their cheers.

As the boys and I left the school, I went over the conversation I had with her in detail. Finally, my mystery girl had been found and I was determined to dig deep to discover her secrets.

She had no idea how persistent I could actually be.


	6. Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

**Chapter Five**

**~Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde~**

Bella Swan. Her name was Bella Swan. The mystery girl I'd been pining over for a week was a teacher at my little brother's school. All this time, unbeknownst me, she's always been within my reach, and if I thought knowing her name or what she did for a living would quench this yearning for her, well, I was fucking delusional. It didn't quench it one bit, in fact it only increased the burn.

It was like the more questions I had answered, the more I wanted to know. It bothered me that she was unwilling to accept even one date with me. I also got the feeling that she saw me as this kid. She treated me like I was someone who was young and naïve.

Obviously, I was below her standards…

That pissed me off and when I was upset, I couldn't control the shit that came out of mouth. My temper would always rule me and I usually said whatever was on my mind. I'd always been that way, ever since I was a little kid. My mother would often tease me about my hot temper, and even though I would get more timeouts than any of the other kids my age, my mother always found the good in me. She made excuses for me constantly and went as far as to blame my hair. It was funny to hear her reasoning when she told me that red heads were often known for their fiery personality. And here I thought we were only known for our freckles and bright red hair, which thankfully, mine had eventually darkened over the years to more of a bronze color.

My mother meant well, but it wasn't my hair color that made me an asshole.

I guess I could say that my hot temper, my fierce passion, and my desire for large consumptions of alcohol were all deeply rooted in me. It was that pure Irish blood that ran through my veins and made me the man that I was today…

In fact, my heritage was one of the things I was proud of. That was why when I turned eighteen, I rushed out and got a shamrock tattooed on the inside of my right bicep. It was discreetly hidden from my parent's view, who just despised tattoos, and any future prospective employers I may have.

It's true what they say about tattoos being addictive, and if it wasn't for certain circumstances, I would've had a dozen by now. Instead, I managed to only get two, the clover and the Cullen name, which was tattooed on the left side of my body, vertically along my ribcage. Also concealed from everyone's view.

It was  _these_  traits,  _these_  characteristics, and overall mindset that had me sure that Bella was going to be the one who cracked first. She may be beautiful, interesting, and sexy as all hell, but I knew her kind. Hell, all women were the same. Like fucking teases, they dangle sex in front of men like it was catnip, and get pissed off when we eventually grew tired of their games, and Bella was playing a game with me. Why else did she go through all that trouble to blow me off to just reel me back in by telling me her name? She could've held strong with the teacher excuse. It was a good reason not to get involved with me: conflict of interest. I mean, that still wouldn't have stop me from pursing her, but she didn't know that.

She had no idea how determined I was to win. It didn't matter to me if I had to pick up the boys every day until they were eighteen. I would do it because it was no longer about dating her for me. If anything, she'd effectually made getting her into bed more of a challenge for me, which was a gaffe on her part. If she wanted to get rid of me, playing hard to get wasn't the way to go. It was a little known fact, especially with all the women in my life, that the only way to get me to lose interest was to sleep with me.

Among other things, I was a fickle fucker.

No matter how hard I tried, no woman outside of my mother had ever been able to keep me fully enthralled in a conversation. That was why I couldn't spend a long length of time with any of the girls I dated, well, except for Kate, but I was a kid back then and I thought I loved her.

Believe me when I say I used that term fucking loosely.

With all the woman flickering in my head and comparing them to Bella, I started to wonder if Emmett and Jasper were right all along, and maybe it wasn't that  _all_ women were these air-headed and shallow people I perceived them to be; maybe it was I was the one surrounding myself with easy women. Those women who would throw themselves at me without thinking about what they were doing, allowing me to sit back, and just take advantage of the situation.

 _Fuck_!

It was such a cop out on my part, too—to blame these women for my own arrogance…but I did.

The truth of the matter was slowly revealing itself and I hated that I was now always second guessing myself. For nearly ten years I was content with my life and where I was headed, but now one woman was making me reevaluate who I was. The countless times that Jasper and Emmett had given me the heart to heart talk were now making sense, but it never seemed to fucking click with me.

I always thought the assholes were jealous of me, but that wasn't what it was at all. The lies I told myself were so fucking laughable now.

The fucking truth of the matter was that I chose these women because they were easy. Just like how I chose to stay behind in school. It was my way of not working hard for anything, and for the longest time, I was okay with that.

Well, until I met Bella. She had managed in a week's time to change my perspective on things by simply telling me no. It was one of the reasons that had me so drawn to her.

She was the only woman to ever tell me no.

Now things were different.

My entire perspective on women had changed, and now I found myself in limbo because it wasn't like I could go back to the life I used to have, either. Even if I decided to not to go back up to the school and never see her again, I knew that wouldn't change shit with me. It frustrated the hell out of me that I just couldn't return back to my man whoring ways, and what made me so livid, was that I didn't want to go back.

Bella changed all that, whether she knew that shit or not.

After the boys and I left the school, I stopped and got them some lunch at McDonald's. The boys scarfed down those happy meals like they hadn't eaten years. It seemed that my mom was feeding them some organic shit, and I felt bad for them. I mean, they were five; why should they have to be subjected to tofu? It wasn't like my mom actually enjoyed it; she just did it so she could say that her kids eat healthy. It was so absurd. It wasn't like it was going to make the boys better people when they grew up. My mother never fed me that dog food when I was a kid and I turned out just fine…

Okay, maybe there was a method to her madness.

As soon as we got back to the apartment, Emmett was waiting at the door for us like a fucking house wife, and I could see how excited he was to have the boys spending the night. When I told him on Sunday, he started pulling out his XBOX games and explaining to me how he was going to crush them.

He was like a big kid himself. He loved Anthony and Masen like they were his own little brothers, and in a way they really were.

"Hey, guys!" Emmett greeted as we walked in the door.

Masen and Anthony tackled Emmett, and like a big tree in the forest, he went tumbling down…hard.

"Hey, take it easy, guys," I told the boys. "He pays half the rent."

Emmett got Masen into a headlock while Anthony clung onto his leg…and I really wasn't sure what he was doing, but I think he was just trying to hold on to Emmett any way he could.

Poor little guy never had a chance…

Stepping over the knuckleheads as they wrestled on the floor, I went to my room to drop off the boys' duffel bag. When I entered my room, I was suddenly reminded of my mystery girl. It made my hair stand on end, and it'd been that way ever since the night of the party when, in a drunken stupor, I invited Bella image into my bed via Jessica's stand-in body.

For awhile, especially after Saturday night, I felt like my bedroom was cursed, and that I would never be able to have sex in there again without conjuring up her image. That every girl that I brought in this room would be used as a vehicle for my mystery girl to drive, but today changed all that, because I didn't want just  _any_  girl in my bed.

I wanted Bella.

Setting the bag down beside my bed, a yellow piece of tab paper caught my eye. It was sticking out of the side pouch of the duffel bag. It looked as though someone just shoved it in there in haste. Curious, I pulled it out cautiously; as if at any moment I was going to get caught for being a snoop. Flopping down on my bed, I unfolded the paper and saw that it was my mom's instructions.

Relieved, I started to read the letter and I couldn't believe what the hell I was fucking reading. I literally rolled my eyes because it was the most condescending letter ever addressed to me, and believe me, I had a lot of those fuckers.

It was all pretty damn basic and filled with a lot of fucking common sense. She went into epic detail on when to feed the boys, wash them, and put them to bed. Fuck, who did she think I was watching? Sure as hell wasn't Gizmo, although, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if there were a part in the note reminding me not the feed the little gremlins after midnight.

She was a little overbearing when it came to Masen and Anthony, and a lot of it had to do with the fact that the boys were born premature. The doctors were real pricks to her that day. Two hours after the boys' birth, and while they were on incubators fighting for their lives, the cock sucking doctors repeatedly told my mother in cold sadistic voices that Masen and Anthony would most likely be mentally retarded because of their prematurity.

It was like they were blaming her for the boys being born a month early, and I wanted to clock the fuckers. How dare they stand there and tell a mother, who was already in tears, that she did that to her babies? Those fuckers were lucky that my father wasn't there or he would've most likely killed one of those German pieces of shit.

Because of those incompetent doctors, the boys were constantly being watched over like a hawk by my mother. She was always trying to fix something that she never caused and I felt so helpless. The only solstice I tried to give her was to let her know that the doctors would burn for how they treated her.

She laughed and told me that was something my father would say.

Folding the note into my back pocket, I walked back out into the living room and saw that Emmett was now behind the entertainment center on his knees and his large polish ass was in the air. The twins were sitting on the end of the coffee table, gripping onto the XBOX controllers tightly as they stared at the blank blue screen in anticipation.

"You need some help, Em?" I offered as I took a seat on the empty couch.

He jerked his head out from behind the back of the TV and looked at me startled. "What?"

"I said would you like some help?" I asked slowly.

Emmett pushed himself up to his feet and shook his head at me, "Nah, Bro. It's all good." He narrowed his eyes at me, "But thanks for the offer after the fact."

I chuckled because it did seem as though my timing was impeccable. To be honest, there was no way in hell I would've been able to offer any sort of help, anyways. Video games were always Emmett's and Jasper's area of expertise.

It was where they bonded.

The only thing I ever offered to the friendship was that I was the only one who could make sense of an instructions manual. I was always handy when they needed someone to read off directions to them when they were building a shelf or some shit.

"Alright, punks, are you ready to get your asses beat by a professional?" Emmett sneered as he snatched up the last remaining XBOX controller.

The boys looked like a deer caught in the headlights as Emmett flexed his gamers' muscles for them.

"Are you seriously talking trash to my five year old brothers?" I asked Emmett incredulously.

He snapped his head in my direction abruptly and looking a little offended by my comment. It was quite funny to see his gamers' face. He was in the zone and there was no holding back. I'd only seen that face a handful of times. He usually meant business and I never seemed to mind, but now it was directed towards my brothers.

"How in the hell are they supposed to learn then?" Emmett asked, all wound up now.

"It's just a stupid game, Em," I said rolling my eyes.

Emmett looked at me like I was fucking crazy. It seemed that my words were just ridiculous to him because he didn't even bother to respond.

 _However_ , the twins heard me loud and clear, and let's just say that they weren't afraid to school me.

"It's not stupid, Edward," Anthony said exasperated.

"Yeah, it's  _very_  serious," Masen finished before turning his attention back to the TV screen.

" _Sorry._ I take it back then," I said throwing my hands up in the air as a show of mock surrender.

The absurdity of their behavior was pretty amusing, but as I watched my brothers, I saw that they were having a good time. They were literally bubbling over with happiness and excitement, and I honestly couldn't begrudge them of that.

Even Emmett was as giddy as the twins.

Getting up from the couch, I kissed the boys on the head as I made my way into the somewhat quiet kitchen to grab myself a beer. As I popped the cap off, I knew I was breaking one of my mom's rules on her endless not-to-do list around the boys.

No cussing. No video games. No drinking. No fucking fun whatsoever.

As I hid away in the kitchen, I listened to the commotion in the living room as Emmett poked fun at the boys with his sorry excuse for smack talk. It was so ridiculous. He was a twenty-two year old guy who was seriously competitive against two five year olds?

Sipping on my beer, I let my mind wander over to Bella once again. The conversation we had was a hell of lot longer than the one last week, but I was left feeling more confused. The entire day was just one thing after the other, from the shattering truth from Jasper, the failed to attempt to salvage my sanity with Lauren, and then to the beautiful enigma herself.

If I thought talking with her was going to answer the question of why she intrigued me, well, I was sorely mistaken. There was more to it than her obvious beauty. It was like I could see the things she didn't say when I stared into those deep brown eyes of hers. There was so much behind those irises. I saw the bountiful intelligence that she exhibited, the wit that she used to keep me in line, and various carefully guarded secrets that she chose to hide.

Even the way she held me at arm's length as she pushed me away, but kept me close with some imaginary hold all at the same time, spoke volumes about her.

In the five minutes that I had spent with her, I felt that I learned so much. There were still so many unanswered questions and I hoped that my persistence would eventually pay off.

The sudden buzz from my cell phone had scared the shit out of me and I almost dropped my beer as it slipped out of my grasp. Luckily, I was able to catch it before it hit the floor. Reaching into my pocket, I saw that I had a text message. Setting the beer on the counter, I flipped open my phone, and groaned loudly when I saw who it was from.

_**Hey Edward,** _

_**This is Jessica. I've been thinking about you. A lot. I miss you.** _

How the fuck could she possibly miss me? Was the bitch crazy? It was such a random and out of blue text that I was  _really_  wondering about her mental stability. I didn't know why she even bothered. The night that I used her to forget about Bella was still a little hazy, but from what I could remember, I knew I was a fucking prick to her. Why in the hell did she want to degrade herself like that? I mean, did she forget that I was the asshole who threw her out of his room after fingering her?

It really was un-fucking-believable and I didn't know how to even respond to something like that.

So, I deleted her message. There was no point in keeping it. Let alone her number. Scrolling through my phone's contacts, I found her name and removed it. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was suddenly more relaxed. This led me to move on to the next number, to the next, and to the next, until finally I had only thirty contacts left. It was like I cleansed myself via cell phone, and within two minutes time, I'd eradicated about fifty numbers from my phone.

All of the numbers were the plethora of women I'd slept with in the last few years…

_Fuck! Did I really sleep with about fifty women?_

The number seemed high to me and as I tried to remember all those women, I started to feel like the biggest damn whore because I couldn't remember any of them. The one thing I thought gave me any sort of happiness was in actuality, really fucking empty.

As I stuffed my phone back into my front pocket, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I realized that when it came to Bella, I didn't have a chance in hell.

_Fuck…_

I was going to crack first.

Two hours later, I was sitting on my couch watching Emmett and the boys play some army game. I was into my third beer and quite honestly, I had no clue what game they were actually playing. It all looked the same to me, but I gathered from the exploding tanks and men running around with semi-automatic assault weapons and wearing camouflage that it had to be somewhat military.

"God dammit," Emmett cursed loudly.

"Watch your language, Em," I chided for the hundredth time.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, man," Emmett mumbled. "Son of a bitch!" he cursed again when his chopper got hit by one of Masen's missiles.

"Boo-yah!" Masen taunted.

Emmett gave Masen the stink eye, while both the boys were busy high-fiving each other. It seemed that in the last hour Masen and Anthony learned quickly on how to play the game, and once they got the hang of it, they joined forces and just started whooping Emmett's ass left and right. It was funny to watch a big guy like Em just get his ass handed to him.

The twins had won five games in a row and were on their way to winning game number six when Emmett really started cussing.

"What the hell? You can't do that, Mase! I was in the green zone!" Emmett pouted.

"No, you weren't!" Masen replied stubbornly. "I shot you fair and square."

Emmett looked at me with pleading eyes, "Tell your brother that he cheated."

"I did not!" Masen cried.

"Hey, I'm just sitting here enjoying my beer. It has nothing to do with me," I told them.

"Yeah, great role model you are, douche," Emmett scolded.

I rolled my eyes, "Don't get all pissy with me because you're getting your ass kicked by kids."

"First of all, I am not getting my ass beat—"

"Boo-yah!" Anthony interrupted.

Emmett and I both shot our gaze to the TV screen and saw that Anthony had destroyed twenty-four bunkers of Emmett's, which meant that his ass was officially out of the game, and effectively making the twins undefeated.

"What the hell?" Emmett said, frustrated. "You little…" he trailed off as he stood up from his chair abruptly and stormed off into the kitchen.

The boys watched him leave with a mixture of worry and confusion on their little faces. They respected Emmett like they respected me, and the way he threw a tantrum, they probably figured they did something wrong.

"Hey, guys, come here," I called, waving Masen and Anthony over to me.

They set down their controllers and walked over to me slowly with their heads down. The little guys were acting like I was mad at them for Emmett's sudden departure, or perhaps I was going to punish them, which was the furthest from the truth. Hell, I was proud of them. They handed Emmett some of his own medicine and I wanted to teach them a little victory dance.

"Are you mad?" Masen asked sadly.

"Not even close, buddy. In fact, when he comes back, I want you guys to say to this to him," I said reassuringly.

Both boys leaned in close as I whispered exactly what I wanted them to tell Emmett as soon as he came back into the living room. They looked a little skeptical and unsure if it was okay for them to say something like that. I gave them an encouraging smile.

"I won't tell mom if you won't," I said sincerely.

"Okay," Anthony agreed, but still hesitant.

When Emmett finally returned, he looked a lot calmer, but a little disheveled. I briefly wondered what the hell he'd been doing, but before I could ponder that thought, the twins looked up at him.

Those little guys were fucking awesome, because they did exactly as I asked. The moment Emmett stepped into the living room, the twins shouted loudly at him, and in complete unison, "Suck these nuts, bitch!"

Just like their big brother prepped them, they delivered the "suck it" gesture  _perfectly_ , nut grab and all. It was so fucking epic to watch as Emmett's eyes bug out of his skull. I couldn't contain it any longer, and I just started laughing uncontrollably.

The boys were laughing along with me as we all gave each other high fives. These little guys were fucking entertaining as all hell, and any chance I could get to get Emmett's goad, well, it was a good day.

"Oh, that's it!" Emmett roared as he jumped into the air and landed on us as we cowered on the couch.

Shit, I was tired. It had been such an early morning for us all, and as I weaved in out of morning rush hour, I wished I hadn't stayed up so late. The boys slept soundly in my back seat as I drove them to school, and I knew I was such a horrible role model by letting them stay up until eleven thirty last night. Fuck, I didn't even notice how late it had gotten because we were all having so much fun.

After Emmett stopped pouting, we all played a video game that I could join in. It was some race car game, and I actually won one. It was the first time in a  _long time_  that I'd actually had some fun. It was nice not having to worry about the petty shit in my pathetic life.

 _Also_ , I only thought about Bella at least six or seven times… _tops_! That was the first time in a week that I hadn't obsessively thought about her.

However, as fun as all last night was, I couldn't deny how big of a mistake it actually had been. In fact, it broke another one of my mother's  _many_ rules, and she specifically instructed in her note that the boys be put to bed by eight thirty…on the fucking dot.

Well, she should have known better than to rely on me to watch them because I knew as soon as I read that shit that it was going to go straight out the fucking window.

In hindsight, my rebellion against the man wasn't smart because the boys had to be up by five in the morning.

What a pain in the ass. How did these kids do it every day? I mean, to start school at an ungodly hour of six fifty-five, it was fucking insane, and I was grateful that my mom just recently got into this whole religious kick of hers. I couldn't imagine waking up that early or attend a catholic school for that matter.

_Jesus Christ!_

When I got to the school, it took me five fucking minutes to wake the twins up. They were so tired because of me and I felt like the worst brother. There was no way to hide how sluggish they were because when I had to literally carry them to their classroom door, it was kind of obvious.

"Okay, guys," I said quietly as I set them down on their feet.

"Are we here?" Masen asked, yawning.

"We sure are. Are you guys going to be okay?" I asked as I patted Masen on his head.

Anthony was now leaning against the wall, his eyes still closed, and snoring softly.

"Yeah, we'll be okay. Come on, brother," Masen said as he took Anthony by the hand and dragged him into class.

From the door I could see their teacher just glaring at me. It was obvious that the bitch despised me and I wouldn't be surprised if she went calling my mom to tattle on me. Thankfully, I was heading to the parents house after I left here, and would most likely beat that phone call.

"Love you guys and I'll see you later," I called after them.

Masen and Anthony waved at me, and once the boys were inside and seated, I shot my gaze over at Bella's classroom.

I wasn't disappointed.

She stood in the hallway by her door as her students filed in one by one. She looked so fucking amazing. The smile that graced her face as she talked to her students did shit to me, and I felt like the biggest pussy ever. There I was, a twenty one year old man, getting off on a smile? It was such a bitch ass move, but I didn't give a shit anymore. If I could make her smile at me like that just once…shit, there was nothing that I wouldn't do…

In fact, the way I was allowing her to dictate my feelings should fucking show how far I was willing to go for this girl—no, woman.

Standing a short distance from her, I waited eagerly for the bell to chime before I made my move towards her. She wasn't facing my way, and I was somewhat happy because it gave me the opportunity to look her over without interruption or her penetrating gaze.

She was wearing tight fitting slacks today with a blue blouse. The silky blouse was very loose fitting on her, but against her ivory skin, it made her look fucking delectable. My mind started conjuring up images of her naked on my bed as I took my tongue and licked her from her pinky toe, all the way up to her luscious lips. The taste of her in my mouth was all so fucking real and I felt my dick go hard.

Shit! All I wanted to do was fucking devour her at that moment, but I knew that I couldn't. I had to play it cool. If she was to see how much I wanted her it would scare her off, and I was already having problems with getting her to just talk with me.

It was one of the most disappointing realizations, and I hated that I couldn't have her right then.

I was very impatient.

The last student entered her classroom and as she turned to follow them in, I decided to take action. My feet picked up from my slow pace as I hurried to catch her before she could escape me.

My pulse quicken the closer I got, and by the time I was standing behind her, I was on this euphoric high.

"Good morning, Bella," I said, unusually buoyant.

Her head snapped in my direction, slightly startled. Her gaze roamed over my body before she fixated her stare on my eyes. She smiled softly as she reached out and closed her classroom door behind her. Somehow, she managed to give us the illusion of privacy. Glancing around me cautiously, I noticed that she was making sure that we were, indeed, alone.

The hallway was virtually empty, and there were only a few stragglers still wandering the halls, but essentially, it was just her and me.

The anticipation in me grew as I waited for her to say something, but she didn't, and we both stayed very quiet as we looked at each other. The only thing I could hear was both our labored breathing and the soft hum of the electric current that pulsated between us, which was only getting stronger by the minute.

"Morning, Mr. Cullen," she finally replied, but somewhat formally.

"Mr. Cullen?" I scoffed. "No, that's my  _father_. You can call me Edward."

She appraised me for a second as she bit down on her bottom lip, looking like a fucking sex kitten. My eyes followed the movement of her hand as she started stroking the soft flesh on top of her collar bone. It was the only portion of skin she was showing, and as it peeked out through her loose blouse, I found myself salivating for it.

I wanted more, and all of it was so fucking distracting.

She shook her head, chuckling softly, "Edward, tell me something. What do I have to do to get rid of you?"

The way my name rolled off her tongue made my dick harden even more. It was straining against my jeans, and I prayed that she wouldn't notice. It made me feel like such a hormonal teenager and I feared she would perceive it the same. The last thing I wanted was her to have another fucking reason not to go out with me because at this point, it seemed like all she had was reasons.

"Why would you want to do that? Are you afraid that I'm going to crack you?" I asked, pompously, and shifting my body slightly.

The movement seemed to work, and my cock was no longer pressing so forcefully against my jeans. It was still prominent, no doubt, but the way I was angled, Bella wouldn't be able to see it. Now, if some random fucking person was to come at me from the side…well, it would be obvious to them that I was pitching a god damn tent.

_Hail Mary, full of grace...amen_

She narrowed her eyes at me incredulously and I would've given anything to know what the hell she was thinking. Her eyes stared at me intently for a long time before she smiled deviously.

"So, this is your grand plan? To stalk me until I give in?" she asked, amused.

I rolled my eyes at her assumption, "I don't see how this constitutes as stalking. I mean, my little brothers do go to school here, remember?  _Also,_  I highly doubt you'll go as far as to get a restraining order put out against me. I'm too damn cute."

"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

She was still stroking that patch of skin and my eyes followed her fingers as she moved them from left to right. It was so hypnotizing and I totally forgot what the hell we were talking about. She cleared her throat and my eyes shot up to her face were I found her smirking at me.

"You're trying to distract me," I said bluntly

She quirked her eyebrow, "Am I?"

I nodded my head because I didn't know what else to say. For a brief second, I thought I was finally getting the upper hand in the conversation, but like always, she knew how to render me speechless. It didn't take much, either. Within seconds of being in her presence, I would be putty in her hands. At this point, Bella could basically treat me like gum on the bottom of her shoe and I would fucking love it.

Hell, if that was what it took to have her taste on my tongue…

In the far,  _far…_ I'm talking fucking farback reaches of my psyche; it bothered me that she had all of this power over me. The simple fact that I  _allowed_ her to have it was unacceptable. But I was too wrapped up in that ivory skin to really fight against it. The truth was that I was an addict and I craved to be near her.

It was the strangest impulse and I had no way to explain it.

"Hmm, well…what are we going to do about that?" she asked suggestively.

"You can let me take you out to dinner," I breathed.

She shook her head at me in disbelief, "You don't want know me, Edward… _believe_  me. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with  _who I am_."

Just like that, the sex kitten was gone and its place was the cock blocking Bella. She had a way of talking in circles with me, and to be honest, it left me feeling dizzy. She was sending me a shit load of mixed signals. It was frustrating the fuck out of me, but also made me want to fuck her hard.

But before I could do that, I had to convince her that dinner with me wasn't the end of the world.

"I just don't understand what the big deal is. It's just dinner, and you keep saying I don't know you or don't want to know you, but you won't even give me the chance to make up my own mind. I mean you're sending me all these signals," I said quietly as I took a step towards her…. _god_ , she smelled good. "You seem like you're attracted to me. I don't understand why you keep saying no."

"You're very cute, Edward," she said as she placed her hand on my chest. "You're just so  _young_  and I would feel like I was…" she paused, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry; you're just not my type."

"Not your type?" I asked, confused.

The concept sounded so foreign on my tongue. It was just so strange to think that I wouldn't be someone's type— _fuck_ , that was such an egotistical thing to say, but I was confused. This type of shit never happened to me before in the past, and it left me feeling… disoriented.

"Yes," she answered softly as her eyes flickered quickly away from me.

_She's lying…_

The loud shrill of the bell made us both jump about fifty feet into the air, and Bella clutched her chest as she stared at me with wide eyes. The contact between us had been broken, but the electricity was now bouncing off us in rapid fire.

"Shit," I hissed as my heart pounded loudly in my ears.

She turned around and looked into the small window on the door that led into her class, when she faced me again; the look on her face was one of finality. It seemed that Bella had said her piece and that I was going accept defeat.

But I don't just accept defeat…especially if I want something badly enough. Bella was set on pushing against me, but I wasn't going to just go away so easily.

"I gotta get to class. It was nice to see you again, truly. You take care of yourself, Edward," she said as she condescendingly patted me on my chest.

Even if she meant the gesture to belittling, it only shot heat throughout my entire body. The fact that she kept her small hand on my chest proved to me that she craved the feeling like I did; therefore making anything that came out of her mouth a fucking lie.

It was also her brown eyes that revealed her bluff. The way she looked at me with such longing …it told me everything that I needed to know.

"Sure thing, Bella," I replied flatly. She gave me a small smile as she turned on her heel to head back into her classroom. "So, I'll see you later on today?"

"Okay," she said briskly. "Wait…what?"

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her reaction because my back was turned, and as I was starting to walk away, I felt her tiny hand grasp onto my forearm in an effort to stop me. Her grip was tight when she reached out and grasped my arm to stop me, I smiled.

I fucking had her…

"What are you talking about?" she asked, panicked.

"You think that I am  _that_  easy to crack?" I asked her skeptically. "I told you that I could be very persistent. I  _wasn't_  bluffing."

She glared at me coldly, "You're going to be a pain in my ass, aren't you?"

"Hey, you know the deal. All I want is one dinner and I'm not going to give up until I get it," I said, fervently.

She looked around quickly, and I knew what she was doing. She didn't want anyone to see what she was about to do next. I knew the coast was clear. Hell, I'd been waiting for the moment when we were alone, and it'd had already been for at least three to four minutes now.

She took a step towards me, placing her hand on my cheek, and stared into my eyes fiercely…intensely, "You don't want to get involved with me. I'm no good for you."

"Why is that? Are you a serial killer?" I asked, smirking.

She smiled at me like she had with her students. It was so genuine, sincere, and fucking devastating.

"So, is that a yes?" I asked, hopeful.

She scoffed, "You think  _I am_  that easy to crack?"

"A man can hope," I said, shrugging.

She shook her head as she rolled her beautiful eyes at me, "You're just wasting your time, Mr. Cullen, and if you think that I'm going to give in so easily, you got another thing coming."

"Sounds like a challenge, Miss Swan," I replied huskily, instinctively taking a step closer.

"You're really just going to end up pissing me off," she warned in a severe, but in an incredibly hot tone.

"I can't  _wait,_ " I said, tauntingly.

"Yeah, you say that now," she chuckled.

Somehow during our conversation we had both taking small steps towards each other, which had now caused us to be pressed up against one another. The heat that radiated off her body was engulfing me like a white hot flame. My eyes stared into her chocolate orbs, and I knew if she was to press herself against me any harder that she was going to feel how much I desired her.

My body was aching for friction and as my hand hesitated to grip her hip, the door behind her suddenly opened and a young girl poked her head out.

Just like that, Bella and I separated from each other quickly, and the connection was lost. It was the closest I'd been to her, but felt so far at the same time. She was still fighting against me, and I vowed to be annoyingly persistent.

The girl looked at us with apprehensive expression and when she spoke, her voice was shaky, "Um, Miss Swan…they are about to start the Morning Prayer."

"Okay, thank you, Megan. I'll be right in," Bella told the girl sweetly.

Megan nodded as she glanced at me briefly, smiling bashfully, before ducking back into the classroom and closing the door softly.

_Well, Megan seems to think I'm cute…_

Bella looked back at me, clearly pissed, "You're leaving  _now_."

Once again it was Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. It was obvious signs of bi-polar behavior, and I started to wonder if that was why she didn't want to go out on a date. Luckily for her, she was the perfect amount on the crazy hot scale.

She was  _definitely_  more hot than crazy…

"Okay, I'm leaving, but I'll be back later," I said like a warning.

"To annoy me, I'm sure," she huffed.

But before I could respond, she was walking into her classroom and leaving me standing alone in the hallway. The echo of the door as she closed it softly behind her bounced off the walls. It seemed as though she was trying to send me a message, but I don't think it was to leave her alone.

In our conversation she managed to tell me that I wasn't her type, that she wasn't good for me, and that I annoyed her. All this fucking resistance and drama shouldn't have turned me on, but it did. In fact, I should've given up on her, and if she was anyone else, I probably would've. It didn't matter what came out of that beautiful mouth of hers, and though at times I did watch her lips intently, it was her eyes that kept me enthralled. They were the windows to her true feelings for me. While she lied over and over, her chocolate brown eyes told me the truth.

Outwardly, it seemed that all I was doing was upsetting her, but inwardly, I knew I was getting under her skin.


	7. White Knighters

**Chapter Six**

**~White Knighters~**

"Mom, I'm dead serious, okay? I would  _really_  like to pick up the boys from school. I mean…would that be all right with you?" 

My plan to get close to Bella was slowly coming together, and after I left the boys' school, I drove straight to my parents' house to drop off their overnight bag. I had to find a way to persuade my mom into letting me pick up the twins from school. In normal circumstances this wouldn't have been such a feat, but my parents were wealthy, and didn't need their eldest boy doing something they could easily pay someone to do.

In fact, they were well staffed. My mom had just recently hired a new nanny to take over Victoria's position, and from my mom's upbeat mood, it seemed that the new employee was working out—which, seemed odd because it hadn't even been one day, but that was my mom in a nutshell: optimistic as usual.

However, things didn't go so smoothly because when I asked her about picking up the twins. I'd gotten several reactions from her, and I was a little nervous to say the least because there was a slight chance that she would say no and I didn't know where that would leave me.

What the fuck would I do then?

I couldn't necessarily just go and hang out at the school like some obsessed stalker now could I? If my mom didn't go along with the plan I'd concocted and I wasn't allowed to pick up the boys, I would be screwed. There was no other way because this was how I was going to get closer to Bella.

It just sucked that I was going to have to use the boys to do it.

So, needless to say was, I was incredibly anxious as I waited on bated breath for my mom to tell me whether or not I could pick up the boys, and when she stared at me for a solid two minutes, I feared that her answer was no…

Well, that was until she  _fucking_  laughed at me.

Now, I would have to say her mirth at my proposal was very hurtful, and I was more than a little irritated because it wasn't a small chuckle that escaped from my mother; it was literally a bend over sideways,  _roaring_  with uncontrollable guffaws, kind of amusement.

I mean, she cackled so damn hard at one point that she fucking snorted.

My mother, high fucking society, snorted—at me—her son!

It really shocked me that my mother reacted in such a way, and it sort of wounded my ego to know that she saw my brotherly affection as comical, but truthfully, I could understand why she'd laughed in the first place. It was obvious to anyone, including me, that I hadn't always been the doting and attentive older brother...Well, that was a god damn understatement. The truth of the matter was that I rarely fucking spoke to the boys before yesterday.

In the last five years of their life, not once did I attempt to spend any sort of quality time with them. In fact, it was only during the holidays that I saw them at all. That shit was nobody's fault but my own, and it seemed as though my past transgressions were all coming back to bite me in the ass.

_Fucking figures…_

The one sided hilarity continued and I kept a firm gaze on her as I waited for her amused hysterics to die down. I tried as hard as I could, to keep a calm demeanor with her because I knew if I was to lose my cool and express my frustrations with her, it would raise some unwanted flags, and my mom would want to know the real reasons instead of the lame shit I was about to feed her.

 _So, I want to bang some teacher there…_ Yeah, I doubted that that shit would fly.

As expected, once the laughter ceased, my mom became instantly curious, and that was when her questions started to formulate.  _Finally_  I had gotten the desired effect that I wanted from my mom; unfortunately, her suspicions came right along with it.

_Here we go…_

"Okay, let me get this straight. You're telling me that  _you…_ want to be the one who picks up your brothers from school every day? Do I have that right?" my mom asked me skeptically.

It was hard to know what she was thinking, but as we both stared at each other, standing uncomfortably in her large Tuscan inspired kitchen, and sizing the other up, I saw that she was genuinely concerned. It was an unusual request from me and she was trying to figure out what my motives were. It was a peculiar game of chicken we played as both of us waited for the other one to blink.

If I didn't have something to hide, I would win, hands down, but it was nearly impossible for me to keep my wits about me, especially with the way my mom was looking at me.

It was so freaky how she was able to stand there unmoving as she gawked at me. It was like she watching my every move and, waiting to scrutinize my every word so she could pick apart the pieces and decipher them.

It was starting to make me fidget, and I hadn't done that since I was little.

"Yeah," I replied quietly, shrugging my shoulders, trying to feign nonchalance.

Cocking her head to the side, she bored her intense emerald colored eyes at me, burning a hole into my skull. It seemed as though she was reading my thoughts, cutting through all my bullshit, and getting down to my true purpose.

Everything was starting to look like a bad idea because I was getting the impression that she was, indeed, going to say no to me. My mother was more attuned to than anybody, and most likely knew that it wasn't  _just_  about picking up my brothers from school or this new found desire in me to be brother of the year…

_Fuck, did she know?_

I was such a douche and I tried desperately to hide my guilt from showing on my face, almost failing miserably. Once again, like always, I thought about myself and used people to get what I wanted. There was a small part of me that  _really_  wanted to spend more time with the little guys. Ever since last night, since we had bonded, I realized how cool and fun they were to be around, and that only added to the benefit of picking them up, but I also wasn't the type to  _just_ offer my chauffeuring services, either.

All in all, when it came down to it, my plan to pick up the boys had originally and always been about my desire to spend more time with Bella…the majority the of that was still true…

_I'm such an asshole._

"I don't know, Edward. I am really happy that you're taking an interest in your brothers, believe me, but I don't see how just one night with them has you wanting to rearrange your whole life just so you can pick them up from school," she paused as she leaned over the kitchen islander, much closer to where I stood, like what she was about to say was a big fucking secret. "Is there a woman you're interested in? Is it some young, hot teacher who caught your fancy, perhaps?" she asked as she wiggled her eye brows at me.

 _How did she know? Oh I know, because I only think with my dick,_ I thought bitterly.

"Mom," I groaned. "That is just…so disturbing and  _no_ , it has nothing to do with any of teachers there,"  _Liar!_ "I just had a really good time with the boys last night and it made me realize how much I was missing out with them; that's all it is."

The lie was convincing because half of it was the truth, and as my mom watched my face for any discrepancy in my words, I saw that she really wanted to believe me. That somewhere deep down inside her eldest boy was a caring older brother, and even though I was being hard on myself, I saw how sad she was that I wasn't around all the time.

The guilt was increasing and nearly crushed me under its weight.

_I shouldn't have come here…_

"You know, the boys have a new nanny, Edward. She's more than capable of picking the boys up from school," my mom said, interrupting my self-loathing, and turning away from me.

The change of subject was like I was given a second wind, fresh oxygen, and I welcomed it gladly. The way my mind was starting to work, digging up all my misdeeds, and laying them out there for me to see. It was getting to be too much for me.

Her change of course was the distraction I needed.

"Yes, I met Alice," I grumbled as an instant flash of a petite woman with short black hair crossed my mind.

The spunky girl had greeted me when I knocked on the door this morning, and at first I didn't know who the hell she was, and I thought that I gotten the wrong house. That was until she introduced herself with such enthusiasm, that I laughed.

My mom sure knew how to pick them. Although from the two minutes I spent with Alice, I already liked her better than Victoria.

Man, was that Victoria one callous bitch. I'd only met her one time and that was all I needed to stay far away from her. The fact that she grabbed my dick from underneath the table was a flashing warning sign. I was into kink, but holy fucking shit, sometimes there were lines that weren't meant to be crossed, and getting jerked off in front of my parents was one of them.

"How could you hire someone who isn't that much bigger than the boys to take care of them? You realize that they'll over power her?" I continued, inquiring seriously.

Hell, if they can take down Emmett…

My mom glanced over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at me, "The boys will do no such thing. They are respectful and…" she trailed off when I scoffed. She placed her hands on her hips, "What did you do?"

"Nothing, I swear. You're just being paranoid," I defended, glancing away from her penetrating gaze.

"I'm warning you, Edward Cullen, if those boys start picking up your bad habits, I will snatch away your chauffeuring privileges so quick," she said as she wiggled her index finger at me.

My eyes shot back to hers quickly and I had a hard time keeping the excitement out of my voice, "So, that's a yes?"

She sighed resignedly, "Did I ever have a choice?"

The excitement erupted out of me as I rushed around the islander, scooping her up, and hugging her tightly. She giggled at me as I thanked her repeatedly and told her how she wasn't going to be sorry.

My plan might actually work...

When I finally got to school, I realized that today was going to be the day of many firsts for me. It was the first time that I ever missed a class, and that was due to the fact that I was at my parent's house talking to my mother longer than I expected. It never really occurred to me how much I missed my mom, and by the time I was leaving, I found myself agreeing to have dinner with my parents on Sunday.

_It will be nice to see my dad._

My mother had to finally rush me out when she realized the time and saw that I was late for school, which wasn't really a big deal for me, and I knew my grades wouldn't suffer from the impromptu absence.

Another first for me was my happy disposition. No matter how hard I fought it, there was just no way to hide the fucking smile that was plastered on my face. The small victory I'd won today with my mother had solidified that nothing was going to get to me, and I found myself in a less than argumentative mood.

For the first time in years when someone said something to me that I didn't necessarily agree with, I didn't go off the limb and shove my views down their throat. It was like I had an extra bounce in my step and I found that school was much more bearable…well, not that I listened to any of the lectures.

The dynamic between Professor Grady and I was interesting to say the least. He was still a condescending fuckwad, trying to push my buttons, but today it didn't even faze me. For the first time, I managed tolerate his ass.

Everything was so new to me because I'd never felt this way before.

I was in my own little world, contemplating all the things I was going to say to Bella. There had to be a way to get under her skin even further. It was really counterproductive because the woman acted as if she wanted nothing to do with me, which really should have put a damper on my mood, but it didn't.

No, all I kept thinking about was our next conversation. What would we discuss? How would I try to convince her to go on a date with me?

All this plotting and scheming, and all I really wanted was a smile from her.

If she had no interest in me, she wouldn't press herself against me the way she did. The energy between us was undeniable, and I knew she felt it too. She was just playing hard to get with me.

It really was fruitless on her part because I've seen this mating ritual before. The typical feline woman liked to play cat and mouse, teasing their potential suitors, but in the end, no matter what, they always gave in to their sexual needs.

Hell, the way our dance was going, it was looking like I would have her on a date with me by Friday and in my bed by early Saturday morning.

All I had to do was stay focus and keep up with the persistence. She would eventually budge.

_Yeah, right, Cullen…dream the fuck on._

When I'd exited Physics, my mood was still rather upbeat and my little happy bubble was intact—then that shit got popped. All it took was for me to see Lauren waiting for me outside the door of the Science building.

"Shit," I hissed as I ducked for cover.

This was the last thing I needed. My day had been going so great and I felt like I was on top of the world, like I was walking around with an awesome hard on that was going to get the most mind blowing sex, and Lauren was my deflator. She made that metaphoric cock go down quicker than she did in freshman year.

My mood went from jovial to sheer fucking panic in a nanosecond.

Not sure what else to do or how to escape, I decided to hide behind a fucking trash can. It was a sorry excuse for a hiding place and the puzzled stares I got from random people walking by, only seemed to make me feel like a bigger jackass, but I was fucking stuck.

My options at the moment were limited because there was only one exit and Lauren was camping out in front of it.

The fact that I had forgotten that we meet up after class was my bad. It was a daily ritual of ours, and one I had been dodging for a week now. It seemed as though she was determined to get some time with my dick.

_Damn it! Why did I have to be such a whore?_

It was starting to become a little unreal and my quads were starting to ache from my crouching. How long will I be able to wait her out? Unfortunately, I didn't have the excuse that I needed to rush to my next class because my next class was in an hour and a half. Lauren knew this. If she decided to base camp outside in front of that door all fucking day— _shit_ , I might be late to pick up the boys….late to see Bella.

On top of all that fucking drama of waiting for Lauren to give up and vacate the area, my phone started to vibrate, reaching into my pocket to see who was calling me, I saw that it was my phones alarm going off and a surge of panic shot through me because I saw that I only had ten minutes to get my ass to the coffee shop.

"Dammit," I cursed.

I was half tempted to leave my hiding spot and just deal with Lauren, until realization struck me. That alarm clock held no power over me…the coffee shop no longer was a place I needed to be. My mysterious girl was no longer a mystery, her name was Bella, and Bella wasn't going to be at the coffee shop.

Because she was ten miles away teaching an art class…

It was almost like a Pavlovian response. It was like the moment that phone vibrated, I could feel myself getting anxious to see her, and bracing myself for the disappointment that was sure to develop once she didn't appear. Now knowing where she had been all that time – in school, teaching our young, American minds – I smiled knowing I wouldn't be a lap dog to the routine of the coffee shop escapades any longer.

Looking back on all those mornings I'd spent waiting for her to walk through those doors was almost comical to me now.

The changes that I was making were starting to become fucking obvious and it was only a matter time before someone else noticed.

My mother had noticed to a certain degree, but didn't really comment on it. If Jasper and Emmett were to really pay attention to me, I knew they would see it as well, but I didn't know what I would say to them?

As strange as it sounded to even me, I wanted to keep what I felt for Bella a secret, whatever that feeling may be. The truth was that I'd never been so focused on one thing, let alone one woman, in my whole life. It felt different than anything I'd ever experienced and I didn't want to jinx it.

"Edward, what are you doing?" a females voice chuckled from behind me.

I froze.

_God dammit!_

God, I felt like such an amateur.

While I was busy hiding from Lauren and fantasizing about Bella, I had completely forgotten that Jessica had a class in this building. In the past, we never crossed paths before because I'd always been off doing something else, either I was banging Lauren in her car or down at the coffee shop.

Shit, how could've I been so fucking stupid? Hell, I would've fared better with Lauren than with Jessica because at least Lauren wasn't clingy. I could've blown her off with some lame excuse and been on my way, but now I had to put up with Jessica's annoying ass.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

Slowly rising from my crouched position, legs burning the entire way, I turned around and saw Jessica smiling at me. She was wearing a tight shirt today that showed off her amazing rack, but still, it did little for me and I wanted nothing to do with her.

The fucked up part about seeing Jessica was that I was reminded of that night in question and all I saw now was Bella…

This conversation won't go well…

"Hey, Jess…what's up?" I said as unenthusiastically as possible.

"Not too much. Why were you hiding behind the trash can?" she asked curiously.

I glanced around quickly, looking for the quickest escape route, but nothing seemed accessible at the moment. It looked as though I was going to have to be a complete prick to get away from her.

"Something I had to do for Professor Grady's physics class," I answered offhandedly.

She narrowed her eyes at me, "Oh, okay and here I thought you were just hiding from Lauren."

 _Well, so much for being a ninja_ …Okay, I knew I was being fucking obvious the whole time I was squatted down behind a trash can, but I resented that Jessica felt the need to call me out on it. I'm sure she thought she was being cute and clever, and if this was two weeks ago, I would've probably pulled her into the nearest broom closet, and fucked her retarded.

However, things had changed and I wasn't amused.

"Is there something you needed?" I asked harshly.

"I just wanted to say hi to you, asshole. God, what is your fucking problem lately? You used to be so much fun," Jessica spat.

As if I didn't already know that piece of information. If she had the slightest idea how fucked up I truly was she would want nothing to do with me. The appeal that I used to have had been fading and I wanted to be left alone. My previous conquests were all in the past for me and as bad as it sounded, I discarded them without a second thought. The moment I deleted their name from my phone was the moment I removed them from my life.

_God, I hope I can just walk away and not say that…_

"I don't know what to tell you," I said brusquely as I stepped past her.

She gripped my arm, causing me to stop in my tracks. I turned to look at her and saw a sharp fierceness in her eyes. The once soft features of her face were now severe and hard. It was a little startling and I felt the need to protect the family jewels because she was pissed, and apparently it seemed that I was the head dick who did it to her.

"What? So, suddenly you think you're so much better than me?" she hissed.

Instantly, I yanked my arm from her grasp and glared at her incredulously.

What in the hell was she talking about? Just because I didn't desire to fuck her again or talk to her, it didn't mean that I thought I was better. Women always were turning things around and putting words into a man's mouth. When in our brief conversation did I ever fucking say that? She was really starting to annoy me because now I had to stick around and coddle her, make sure she understood that it wasn't her and it was all me.

That was the biggest pile of shit and I frankly didn't have time.

Like I said, I wasn't her goddamned boyfriend.

I groaned as I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, "What do you want from me? I told you from the beginning, I am not boyfriend material."

"Oh, but you can fuck me? That's okay?" she asked furiously.

The conversation was starting to escalate and her voice was reaching fever pitch. Grabbing her by the arm roughly, I dragged her towards the nearest corner and away from prying ears. She was getting too bold and mouthing off about what we did in the past.

"You knew what I was about, Jessica. So, don't try to act like you fucking didn't! It's funny how you never seemed to mind the situation when I was fucking you, now did you? Whatever we had between us is over…so, move the fuck on," I whispered angrily.

She glared at me as I released her.

"Move on?" she questioned, skeptically.

Damn, the bitch was seriously wigging out on me—like fatal attraction or some shit. I had no idea that severing ties with her would be this difficult. Why did women have to make sex about feelings? My cock had one feeling and that was to get wet…

Not once had I intermingled my sexual urges with emotion. To me, they were on two different playing fields. It was like trying to play basketball on a football field. It was never going to happen unless someone put in the extra effort—mainly me. And I wasn't willing to put that effort into Jessica.

There was no love between us, so why was she acting like this? Why did some girls get so fucking attached to a man? I mean, I knew I fucked her good, but come on now, her behavior was like borderline addiction.

I shrugged, "I'm not into it anymore."

"So, just like that," she stated with disbelief.

Damn. She wasn't really that slow was she? I was trying really hard not to be a prick to her, but the conversation was going nowhere. How many ways did I have to say I didn't want to fuck her anymore?

Glancing towards the front door of the Science buildings, I saw that Lauren had finally decided to leave her perch, and I was free of that headache. All I had to do was escape this one with as little collateral damage as possible.

"Trust me, I'm no good for you, Jessica. You deserve a guy who can give you what you need. I'm not that guy," I said truthfully.

She narrowed her eyes at me, almost like she was trying to figure out a complex puzzle if she just furrowed her brow tightly enough. I watched her, trying to see if she'd pop a blood-vessel or something, anything to end the uncomfortable standoff we had going. Suddenly, her face relaxed and several different emotions clouded her expression: hurt, disbelief, and then finally...awe."Who is she?"she asked softly, and I felt my walls come up immediately at her creepy, womanly insight.

"What?" I spat severely as I felt the bile in my stomach start to rise.

"You're Edward Cullen, fucking Mr. Cock, and you're hiding from Lauren and breaking up with me. So, I want to know who she is," Jessica demanded.

The way she said the words had solidified my fear that I was going to get found out. The sheer hatred I held for Jessica at the moment was unfathomable and I knew I had to walk away. If I stayed any longer and listened as she confirmed what I already knew…

_I need to leave._

I scoffed, "Goodbye, Jessica. I deleted you from my phone and I suggest you do the same."

No way in hell was I going to give her the opportunity to respond. Nothing good would come of it. She knew that I was different, that I'd changed. If there was ever a thought that Jessica was stupid, well, she pretty much crushed that in one fucking sentence…

 _Who is she?_ That was all she asked, but it was enough.

The moment I was out the door and away from her accusations, I felt like I could breathe again. The air was like my safe haven; it felt good on my flushed skin. The whole encounter had me sweating like a pig and I wasn't talking figuratively. My body had responded when I was put under the white hot light of questioning—even though it was only one question… _who is she?_

Taking a quick glance, I was relieved to see that Jessica wasn't following me. The last thing I needed was for her to chase me all over campus. It seemed a little extreme, but at this point, I couldn't put anything past her. She was bat shit crazy and fucking perceptive. When all was said and done, that was a bad fucking combination.

Pulling out my pack of smokes, I decided to take a leisurely stroll to my next class. It started in an hour or so and if I picked up my sluggish pace, I knew I would be way to fucking early.

Inhaling deeply, I moaned quietly as the stress relieving smoke entered my lungs. It didn't take away my mounting problems, but it did soothe the edges because I could feel myself nearing a fucking flip out.

Jessica had managed to strike a chord in me, and it pissed me off. No longer did I have that optimistic smile on my face.

_Dammit. How could have I been so careless?_

The effects of Bella were everywhere and my latest fucking cohort saw it. If I couldn't hide it from her, how was I going to hide it from everyone else? How long would I be able to keep my obsession a secret? Days, weeks, maybe months? As I took another long drag off my cigarette, I knew that I was going to be answering some tough questions in the days to come. As soon as Jessica spread the word around campus that Edward Cullen doesn't sleep around anymore…

That Edward Cullen was practicing abstinence…

_Everyone will know…I'm so fucked._

I was at least fifteen minutes early to pick the boys up, and I found myself with some time as I sat outside their classroom. The halls were eerily quiet, and as my eyes roamed the vast deserted hallways, I found myself feeling a little…off. It seemed as though my nerves were starting to get the best of me, which left me feeling slightly uneasy.

There was this tension in the air, some kind of magnetic energy. The electrical charge was making my arm hairs stand up on their ends, and I found myself fighting of an odd chill as the adrenaline pumped through my blood. It was as though my body was preparing for something…A fight? An illness? Perhaps my spidey senses were kicking in, who the fuck knew.

I was fucking baffled as to what that feeling might actually be.

Shrugging it off, I decided to let my mind wander aimlessly as I checked the time on my phone repeatedly, just waiting for the bell to sound. The anticipation was increasing, the thrill to see Bella again was mounting, and no matter how many times I tried to avoid it, my gaze always found its way to her classroom door. That was where I imagined her teaching her students with such vigorous enthusiasm.

There was no other way I decided. I mean, the brilliant fire that she exhibited towards me had to be ten times stronger when she was doing something that she loved.

It was hard to stay focused, especially when I thought about her, and I really tried not to think of her at all. It was such a useless battle because it didn't matter how much I wanted to ignore the fact that all she did was invade my thoughts every second of the day. It was so juvenile, and I often felt like I was a high school kid who was just thinking of ways to approach his dream girl.

It was the small conversations with her that I craved, and that pathetic fact fucking disgusted me…well, maybe it wasn't that bad, but there were times where I inwardly called myself a pussy. It was such a vast change from the man I used to be, and all I was really trying to do was come to terms with it. I really wanted to let it all go and just do what felt right, but what felt right fucking scared me. It wasn't normal to feel the way I felt and I wanted to be normal again. To be sane—to be a guy who only fucked around with all the available females...Never settle down.

 _Settle down? What the fuck? I can't even get a fucking date with her!_ I reminded myself.

Well, it didn't matter what I wanted to do. It was obvious that I wasn't going to do that anymore.

_Fucking pussy!_

All my self-loathing came to abrupt end once the bell rang and I had two five year olds charging at me at full speed. The twins didn't even give me a chance to stand up from the bench before they came crashing into me, and nearly knocking my ass over onto the floor. The boys were small for their age, but at forty pounds apiece, a total of eighty pounds colliding into me at a velocity of two miles an hour, well, it makes quite an impact.

"Edward, guess what?" Masen hollered into my ear.

"What's that buddy?" I asked pretty loudly, since I was now deaf.

"Ms. Swan told us that we were cute," Masen said, beaming.

Now, I should have been happy for the little guys, but I felt a tinge of jealousy rush through my veins, and I had to stop it in its tracks. I mean, really, who gets jealous of five year olds?

"Really? That's cool… _but_ I still think you guys are pretty ugly," I taunted as I put both of them into headlocks, one under each arm.

The boys laughed as they tried to fight me off, but it was useless on their part. This was where being the bigger, older brother had its advantages. No matter how much they squirmed they weren't getting away from the vice grip I had on them.

It wasn't until their evil bitch of the teacher came walking by us, glaring at me with hatred written on her face, that I released the boys. Their faces were red from when they struggled against my hold.

"Your teacher is a real…" I trailed off as I watched her tramp down the hall.

Anthony giggled, "Yeah, she doesn't like you at all."

"I'm not surprised. I doubt she's had a decent orgas—" I stopped abruptly, clearing my throat. "Well, who cares what she thinks, right?"

"Right!" both boys cheered.

It was like I could feel Bella before I could even see her, and as I glanced down the hall towards her class, I saw her staring at me. It was intense and it was fleeting because before I knew it, she was rushing back into her classroom.

Taking that as my cue, I sat the boys down on the bench. They looked at me confused, not sure why we weren't leaving, but after I bribed them with the promise of happy meals, both boys agreed to stay put.

"Behave," I said as my parting words.

The boys nodded ardently and giving me thumbs up. It was a cute gesture, but struck me as odd. It was like they almost knew what I was going to go do.

As I walked towards Bella's class, the nervousness was resurfacing and I wanted so much for this conversation to go well. The way she looked at me indicated that today was different.

I hadn't decided whether it was good or bad.

When I got to her classroom door, I saw that it was closed. Taking a moment to gather my thoughts, control my nerves, I reached out, and opened the door. Stepping into the room, I saw that she was sitting at her desk at the end of the room to my left. It was hard to be sure from my vantage point, but looked as though she was grading papers.

There was a small difference in her appearance and I was surprised that I caught the little details. She looked the same as she did this morning, except now her hair was up in a messy pony tail, and she looked worn.

She still looked insanely beautiful, nonetheless.

Taking a furtive step deeper into her room, closing the door softly behind me, I saw that there were at least twenty easels set up and hundreds of student art work hanging up on her walls. It was as if I were strolling some art gallery because the artistic work was phenomenal and I had a hard time believing that these paintings were done by ten year olds.

There was something unusual in the air as I edged closer to her, and once again I felt that same underlying tension from earlier. Even before she set her gaze on me, I knew something was different. It was the way she sat at her desk, holding her posture stiffly. She wasn't as relaxed as she'd been this morning, and I wondered briefly what could've happened within the last seven hours.

Setting that idle thought aside, I decided to take the final steps that would lead me to the lip of her desk.

As I stood there waiting for her to acknowledge me, I went over all the clever and suave things I wanted to say. However, I was drawling a blank. It was so strange but oddly typical of me, it seemed Bella had the power to dazzle me.

Hell, I didn't have to be a psychic to see this train wreck come rushing toward me because I knew what was going to happen. My speech would suddenly become staccato, I would look like an idiot, and she would see that I was indeed a fucking moron, therefore deciding that she would never want to date me… I knew that the moment she decided to look up at me that was when all bets were off. I would officially be fucked.

She would win, and I would…

_Fuck! What would I do?_

It seemed like I stood there for eternity before she glanced up. My plan of attack was already falling apart at the seams. It was hard to ignore the effect she had over me because the resulting evidence was very clear. My nerves were lodged in my throat, my palms were already drenched with sweat, and I felt my treacherous penis rising to say ' _how do you do'_ …

All these things combined made me so fucking anxious that I knew I was going to just blurt out random shit.

"You're here," she said, amazed.

"Of course I'm here," I replied with a smirk. "I set my sights on something and I don't stop until I have it."

She sat back in her chair and my eyes immediately went to her chest. The blouse that she was wearing had accentuated her ample breasts, causing my mouth to go dry. I couldn't for the life of me pull my gaze away from them, and I knew she saw me looking. There was no way in hell that she didn't see me.

I was eye fucking her tits, shamelessly.

The sudden shift of her body had broken me from the boobie trance and my eyes quickly found hers. She was looking at me with such intensity—some desire I hadn't seen before. It was clear that I'd been caught, but the way she pursed her full lips at me, I could tell that she didn't mind one bit.

"How long will this go on?" she asked impishly.

"Will what go on?" I asked dumbly.

She smiled at me seductively as she rose from her chair, slowly walking over to me. My mind was trying to process everything that was going on, but it wasn't working fast enough. It was as though I was having an out of body experience and there wasn't enough time to fully grasp what was happening.

Everything was in slow motion as I observed the little things. The way she brushed tiny wisps of her hair from her face... almost bashfully. The way she looked at me as she got closer, biting hard on that bottom lip of hers. I had no idea what she was doing or what the fuck was going on until she was up on me and pressing her soft body up against mine.

I stopped breathing…

"This—us? How long are we going to dance around this," she leaned in closer to me, whispering into my ear, "This… _need_?"

_Holy…shit…_

My hands braced the edge of the desk to keep myself stable because Bella was practically putting all of her weight into me. If I was to let go, the force of her weight and how she was positioned against me would cause me to fall back onto her desk, and she would end up lying on top of me.

In the grand scheme of things, it didn't seem like a bad idea, but her sudden aggressiveness had me feeling unsure of what to do. Where would I place my hands? Did she want me to kiss her? All these questions raced through my mind as she skimmed her lips across my neck.

_Fuck…that feels good._

"Do you want me, Edward?" she purred.

"Yes," I replied quietly.

She trailed her hand down the front of my shirt, leaving a stinging sensation in its wake; slowly she made her way down to the top of my jeans, and just stopped.

_Don't stop…_

"What do you want me to do? Would you like me to touch you?" she breathed into my neck as her fingers slowly dipped underneath my waistband.

I grunted as a response, nodding my head, and pushing my pelvis into hers. The heat off her fingers as she played with the hairs on my happy trail was so fucking erotic, and I couldn't remember if I'd ever been this turned on before. The feel of her was so intoxicating that I feared I would nut before she even got to my cock, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Yeah, because pre-ejaculation into her hand wasn't my idea of a good time—nor hers, I doubted.

Bella pulled away from me as she removed her hand from my pants, and I frowned at the sudden disconnection. The sensation of her hands on me was like nothing I ever felt before, and I wanted more.

I was greedy for it.

But she didn't make any attempt to touch me like I wanted…like my body begged. Instead she stared at me for a fraction of a second just smirking. It was like she was challenging me to make the next move.

_God, she is so fucking sexy…_

This was why I had always wanted her as badly as I did because the way she ignited this fire, this all too uncontainable desire within me. Just one look from her had set my body ablaze, and after years of just random screwing, I thought I lost the excitement of the first time. The feeling that I had with Kate—no, not even that experience was anything like what I was experiencing now…

Because Bella was different than any woman I'd ever known. She was sexy without even trying. The skin she showed was minimal, but even the smallest glimpse had me salivating.

I needed to kiss her…

So without warning, I grabbed her by the back of her neck, pulling her in, crashing her lips into mine. The week of all the pent up sexual frustration and desire I had for her came out in that kiss. She weaved her hands in my hair, yanking at the roots as she opened her mouth for me and giving my tongue full access.

The taste of her wasn't like I'd imagined; it was fucking better. She was like ambrosia to my eager taste buds, and as I pressed my body into hers with force, she whimpered into my mouth. It excited me more and I clutched her neck with my hand, just trying to get her as close as possible as I lapped my tongue with hers.

The force of our bodies was making my arm buckle, so I relented as I let gravity take over and letting my body fall onto her desk.

The change in position never broke our kiss, in fact, it only deepened it. My hand that was on her neck had inched its way up and into her hair as my fingers yanked out her hair tie so they were free to weave themselves into her silken locks. The other hand of mine that was holding the edge of the desk was now free, and decided to set up camp on her lower back, gripping the silken fabric of her blouse into my tight fist.

The feel of her body on top of mine was torture because I craved the skin to skin contact, and as my fingers moved its way from her blouse, slowly towards the hem…Bella froze.

 _Fuck!_ I mentally cursed myself for being so greedy.

She shifted off me and propped herself on her hand, looking down at me with hooded eyes. She looked fucking delicious as she stared at me, her chestnut hair falling into her face. I wanted so much in that moment to flip her over onto her knees so I could hit her doggy style, all the while using her tresses as my reins.

She eyed me curiously as she took her fingers and slowly started unbuttoning my shirt, "Do you want to  _fuck_ me, Edward?"

The question itself had thrown me off guard because I hadn't expected her to use such language, but, the effect was just the same…

"God, yes," I replied hoarsely.

She smiled deviously, "How do you want to  _fuck_  me?"

I took my hands and put them into her hair again, pulling her down to where she was just inches from my face. She looked a little surprised by my aggressiveness, but I loved the control, and I wanted to assert some while she was just handing it to me.

She had to know how I wanted her and there was only one word right now that would suffice…

"Hard," I whispered.

"I was hoping you would say that," she said as she licked my upper lip.

She grabbed my hands that were still tangled in her hair and pulled them away from her. At first, I feared that I had gone too far, and perhaps, she was just toying with me. That all this foreplay was a way to get me to crack first, but when she got on her knees to straddle me, all my worries dissipated.

The sight alone of Bella straddling me was enough to make me cum in my jeans. She was beautiful, like an angel as she stared down at me with her chest heaving, and hair flowing over her shoulders. It was so intense, and once she started grinding her pussy into me, I couldn't handle it.

My hands instinctively flew to her hips, stilling her movement, but pressing her down onto my erection even harder all at the same time. My body was on the verge of exploding, but it was calling out for some needed friction as well.

"Do you want to see me?" she asked.

"More than anything," I said huskily.

She nodded as she started to pull her blouse from her slacks with me watching her intently. No matter how many times I'd seen tits in my lifetime, no two pairs were the same. It was like Christmas morning, and Bella was about to unwrap her gift for me.

_She is what I always wanted…_

The moment that I'd been dreaming about had finally arrived, and I was about to uncover whether her nipples were small or big. Maybe the nipples were a soft brown or a divine pink. Whatever color or size didn't matter to me, all I wanted to do was put my mouth on them, to feel the texture of them with my tongue…to taste her creamy skin.

My fingers were digging into her hips as she slowly and tantalizing took her blouse off. The alabaster skin of her toned stomach was the first thing I saw, followed by the bottom of her bare breast, which caused me to buck my hips upwards and into her hot pussy.

_Shit…no fucking bra?_

The movement of my overzealous actions had caused her to lose her balance and she fell forward with her breast hovering over my face. If I had just waited for her to remove the blouse before I did that move I would be sucking on a nipple right now, instead of having a face full of fabric.

She propped herself back up, looking a little disheveled, and annoyed.

"Impatient, are we?" she asked coyly.

"I can't help it. You drive me crazy," I said as I shifted my hips upward so she could feel how much of that was true.

She cocked her head to the side, smiling, "Hmm, I gather."

"Please, can I see you? I'll behave," I pleaded.

The woman had me whipped and I was begging her. That knowledge alone proved to me how much she already owned me. There was no other woman out there that I wanted more than Bella, and I knew that. If I was to have her in every possible way…I could live with that.

 _Fuck_ , I wanted that!

She bent down and gave me a deep kiss, and I lost control again. The kisses with her were amazing as well. Shit, I couldn't believe how…sensual they were and how her mouth tasted of cinnamon.

It reminded me of pumpkin pie…It reminded me of home.

Suddenly, we weren't kissing anymore and she was topless before me, and I wondered where the hell I'd just been. How could have I missed her taking off her blouse, but damn, now that she was exposed to me, I saw that my first assertion was right: her nipples were a soft brown.

Her breasts were such a perfect size, too. They weren't too big and not too small. In fact, they were firm, high, and round with rose-petal areoles.

I'd never seen a set of tits as beautiful as hers.

Hesitantly, I reached up slowly, wanting to feel her but not knowing if it was okay. It was so odd because I felt like an inexperienced teenager again, and as though everything was still so new.

Bella took pity on me as she smiled, taking my calloused hand, and placing it on her soft breast. The skin underneath my palm was as smooth as satin, and as my thumb—on its own accord—grazed over her nipple, I watched with fascination as it hardened under my light ministrations.

_Cool…_

"Would you like to taste me, Edward?" Bella asked quietly.

"Yes, please," I answered, already shifting my body upwards.

She scooted down my thighs just slightly and giving me room so I could take both my hands to cup her perfect breasts. The heat that rolled off her body was cocooning me and I felt so content. Nuzzling my face between her full mounds, I started to sweep my nose in between the valley of her breasts. I inhaled deeply as I reached the top of her collar bone—the same one that she had teased me with this morning. The scent that emanated from her skin was so enticing; it was of vanilla. The same aroma…just like I remembered. Dipping my tongue out to taste that silky skin of hers, I was met with a taste I hadn't encounter before, there was still the lingering taste of cinnamon on my tongue, mixed with the sweetest nectar that was  _all_ her— _God,_ she even tasted like sex…

I had to have more because I was a greedy fucker.

Glancing up at her once more, I saw that she was watching me with lust filled eyes. She was anticipating my every movement and tensing every time my mouth inched closer to her hard nipple. She wanted it as much as I did.

Who was I to deny us both of what we wanted?

Cupping one of her firm-soft breasts, I lowered my mouth onto her erect peak and closing my mouth around it. Never taking my gaze off her, I watched as she threw her head back in pleasure as I sucked on her nipple hungrily, while my other hand kneaded her neglected breast.

"Mmm," she moaned as I grazed and flicked her nipple with my tongue.

As I pulled my mouth away from one tit so I could work my magic on another, something short, blond, and in two's had caught my eye in my peripheral view. Tensing immediately, already knowing what I saw, I laid my head against Bella's chest, and hoped it would go away.

"Fuck," I hissed.

Bella struggled underneath my hold as I tried to keep her still. It was unclear how much the boys had actually seen, but I didn't want them to see more than what was necessary.

_God, I wish I could disappear…_

"What is it?" Bella asked panicked.

"The boys," I whispered like that fucking made a difference. "They're watching us."

Bella glanced over her shoulder while I kept my face buried in her tits, hoping and praying that this wasn't happening. The first fucking day I convinced my mom to let me pick up the boys, I get caught nearly fucking a teacher at their school.

What would she think of me then?

"Don't worry boys, it's okay…you can come in," Bella said reassuringly.

_What is she doing?_

Shit was about to hit the fan, and I grimaced as I waited for the inevitable to happen. Taking a chance, I glanced around Bella slyly, and was startled to see that nobody was actually there. The door was still sealed shut and somehow I was still sucking on her nipple.

_What the fuck?_

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

The loud blaring of my alarm clock woke me from my vivid and intense dream, glancing down I realized that my cock was as hard as a fucking rock, and my stomach was drenched with all this pre-cum that I'd been fucking spilling due to the most erotic dream of Bella…to date.

_Ugh, god this sucks!_

Kicking my sheets from my feet, I rolled over to slam my hand down on the alarm clock to shut that annoying fucker off. It was seven thirty in the morning, which meant I had an hour to get washed, dressed, and my ass to school. The alarm had been a bitter reminder that the week sucked but I was ecstatic that it was Friday.

However, I couldn't escape the reality of my pathetic situation.

Ever since Bella blew me off on Tuesday, I'd been blurring the lines between reality and wishful fucking thinking. I had tried to talk to Bella, but she ignored me. After my little brothers told me that she thought they were cute, I wasn't sure if I was more jealous of that or the fact that she would talk to them. It didn't help that the little buggers laughed at my failed attempt either.

I tried to talk to her again the next day and she told me in the sweetest—no, the coldest—voice, that she was too busy to be chit chatting with me and that I needed to go play with people my own age. Every day this week was like this. Her attitude towards me was rude and condescending, and it had me coming home to jack off every day. And apparently, the more she treated me like shit, the quicker I would cum.

But apparently the fantasies I created while I was awake weren't enough. I would dream about it, spinning my wants and desires into an epic fantasy.

Every dream was always the same because each time I was close to having my way with her that was when the boys showed up, ruining everything. Like a fucking pair of white knights rushing in to save Ms. Swan's virtue.

The logical part of me was trying to convince myself that it was the guilt of using the boys to get some tail but my denial was thicker than my psyche.

It didn't matter how many of these dreams I had or if Bella refused to talk to me ever again, I knew I would never give up.

It was as simple as that.

The only thing that changed for me was that I was going to switch up my tactic. There had to be another way to get closer to her because obviously what I was doing wasn't working.

_How can I make her see?_

My dick twitched, reminding me that there was one thing I had to take care of first. Placing my hand firmly around my shaft, I started to stroke it slowly, closing my eyes as I imagined a bare chested Bella straddling me, and picking back up where the dream left off.

I was coming within a matter of minutes.


	8. The Eyes Have It

**Chapter Seven**

**~The Eyes Have It~**

Pulling into the drive of my parent's house, I started to regret my decision, and I wondered why I had agreed to come at all. After the week I just had, I wasn't exactly in the mood to be social, but I wasn't the type to break a promise to my mother, either.

It was bad timing for me—mood wise—and I hoped that I could keep my shit together while I was there. The last thing I needed was my intuitive mother to be clued into my depressed mental state because all that would do was raise unwanted questions, and I didn't think I had the energy to lie…well, lie convincingly.

It would only lead to a probing conversation, and I had no desire to talk about Bella. Shit, I hoped the twins knew how to keep their traps shut…

 _They're five, asshole!_  I reminded myself.

Yeah, I knew the possibility of the boys remaining silent was far-fetched, but I could hope for a little luck.

Finally, after a good five minutes of debating with myself whether or not I should get out of the car while chain smoking like a mad man, I opened the car door to step out. The chilled Chicago wind hit me fast and hard, creating a sudden urge to get my ass inside my parent's house as soon as humanly possible. If there was one thing that could make me hustle it was this damn weather.

_I fucking hate the cold!_

Throwing open the black iron gate that surrounded the house, I ran up the short staircase that led to the small porch. As I pounded on the solid wooden door with urgency, I took a huge breath, preparing myself for tonight's festivities. The list of appropriate responses to fake a happy and well adjusted son was long and hefty.

First and foremost, I had to remember to smile. It was such a small gesture, but fuck me, if it wasn't the hardest. I found that the smiles I usually tried to fake came out looking like I was grimacing, like I was in pain or some shit.

All this fucking hassle just so my parents believed that I was the happiest son of a bitch they had ever seen.

 _What is the point?_  I thought morosely.

Cupping my frozen hands over my mouth, I blew my heated breath into them in an effort to keep them warm so my fingers wouldn't fall off. However, seeing as I had the lung capacity of an eighty-five year old, all I ended up doing was coughing. The cold air was getting even colder and it was making me shiver like a fucking Chihuahua.

God, it seemed like it was taking forever for someone to answer the fucking door, and I was getting increasingly irritated. While they kept me waiting, my nuts were officially frozen.

_Just as well…it's not like I use them…_

I was about to knock on the door again when the door swung open, revealing my father.

He was the last person I expected to see, but there he was, towering over me and wearing fucking  _jeans_? The fact that my father was dressed so casually, it shocked the hell out of me. In the not so distant past, my father had made it a point to only wear freshly pressed Calvin Klein suits and a white lab coat—It was the very fucking essence of being a surgical doctor—but never in my short years had I ever seen him dressed in dark jeans and a button down polo shirt.

_Who the hell is this guy?_

The man who stood in the doorway staring at me  _looked_  like my father, but I had a hard time recognizing him. I mean, he had the same slicked back pale blond hair, the gentle clear blue eyes that always had a way of seeing straight through my bullshit, and even had his larger than life stature. All of it was the obvious and unmistakable traits of my father, but I couldn't reconcile the two. He looked different to me somehow, and I couldn't quite place the change.

"Well hello, son," my dad chuckled as he held out his hand for me to shake, "were you thinking about ever coming in?"

"Oh, yeah…of course," I replied dumbly as I shook his hand and crossing over the threshold.

"Geez, son. How long were you out there? Your hands are freezing," my dad commented as he shut the door behind me.

Pulling my hand away from his grasp, I shrugged my shoulders, "I wasn't out there too long."

"Well, come on in and warm up a little," he said, placing his hand on my back, and leading me towards the family room.

The house was fucking huge. It was at least eight thousand square feet, with grand staircases and a god damn theater room. It pissed me off royally that they decided to move out of the quaint house in Wicker Park, the fucking one I grew up in, into this one only a month after I left for college. The possibilities I could have had for nabbing tail in this house was endless, but alas, my parents never thought about what was best for me.

As we entered the family room, I saw that there was a fire going, and I ain't ashamed to say that I ran over to that sucker as fast as humanly possible. Taking a seat by the fireplace, I put my hands closed to the flames, and relished in the feeling that the warmth was starting to penetrate my icy skin.

My father stood by the entryway; the tension in the air was increasing and became damn near overwhelming. The way he watched me as I congregated by the fire made me nervous, and I had no idea why I felt that way. It wasn't like they invited me over to dinner to interrogate me…

_Or did they?_

Smiling weakly at my father, I nodded towards the kitchen. "So, is dinner almost ready?"

The objective of my question was to deflect attention off me. It was a tactic that I learned by years of being friends with Emmett, but I was still unsure if the method worked with other people. I had to assume that whoever I used it on was easily distracted by the mere mention of food like Emmett was.

Regardless, it was worth a try.

"Pretty soon, I suppose," he answered automatically. "Your mother and the boys are helping Alice prepare dessert. It's hard to believe a nanny of her magnitude having very little experience in the kitchen."

My hands were now burning from the flames, but I didn't want to pull away just yet. The uncomfortable atmosphere was still prevailing in the air around us, and I needed more time to think of away to break the ice with my father. It was still awkward between us from the blow out we had last year concerning my plans for after graduation. It was something we both felt strongly about and neither of us wanted to budge on.

"Look, Edward," my dad started as he took a hesitant step in my direction. "While we have a minute alone, I want to discuss some things with you."

_Shit! I wasn't ready for this…_

"Okay," I replied nervously.

"I know we've had many debates on your plans after you graduate college, and the last time we had this little discussion it was pretty serious, but I want you to take in all your options before you make your final decision," he said diplomatically.

"What exactly do you want me to decide? I'm always going to be set on moving to Arizona, Dad," I stated unwaveringly.

He sighed heavily. "Why do you want to move to Arizona, Edward? Have you seen their economy? The recession is rampant in that state. There are thousands of people without jobs and many more that are collecting unemployment. Do you think it'll be that easy to get a job in architecture there? Come on, son, you're not that naïve, are you?"

This was the same conversation we had numerous times and nothing was ever going to change.

"Maybe I am," I said arrogantly.

"So that's your brilliant answer for everything?" my dad asked, irritated.

"It's always been my answer, Dad. You're just not listening to me. You think I want to move away from the family, but it has nothing to do with that. It's my selfish need to get out there on my own. Spread my wings," I answered, standing up and walking towards the door…I needed out of this room.

However, my father stopped me by stepping into my path. The uneasy energy between us had me looking away from him because I couldn't stand to look into his eyes, afraid to see disappointment there.

Because every time I looked into his eyes, I saw my own reflection, and made it hard for me to decide which one of our faces showed the most disappointment…

"I understand the need for independence, but can't you understand that your mother and I need you close? Call us selfish, but we rarely see you as it is, son. How often are we going to see you when you live three thousand miles away?" he inquired pleadingly.

The guilt trip was getting laid on me pretty damn thick, and I wanted desperately to avoid the conversation at all cost. All it was doing was making me more on edge.

"Dad," I groaned, "do we have to discuss this now? Can't this wait until another day?"

Finally looking up at him, I saw the sadness in his eyes, and I understood that he loved me,  _but_  he wasn't ever going to understand the pull that Arizona had over me. The job market sucked. Hell, I knew that. I checked the Arizona Republic on the internet daily, and I knew the possibility of being jobless for a long period of time was almost guaranteed, but I didn't care. My mind, my heart, and everything I wanted were in Arizona.

It was where I wanted to be. I was decided and no one was ever going to change my mind.

"All I want from you is to think about perhaps looking for jobs in Chicago—I mean, just in case," my dad said, putting his hand on my shoulder, and gripping it tightly.

I eyed him suspiciously. "You want me to just consider a job in Chicago…no strings attached?"

"That's all I want, son." He smiled. "No strings attached. No commitments. Just keeping your options open."

"Fine," I relented.

"Good. Now, since that's settled, should we go eat?"

The dinner was fucking delicious, and I had almost forgotten how great of a cook my mother was. She had gone the whole nine yards, too. The steaks were all top choice, and holy shit, did she know how to twice bake a potato. I hadn't even been able to contain my excitement as I scarfed down her meal. She went all healthy for the boys, but knew better to do it up right when I came over.

I was in heaven.

"Well, I see you're enjoying dinner, Edward," my mother snickered. "All we've been hearing from you is moaning and grunting."

Swallow the divine piece of meat, I looked up at her, and smirked, "What can I say; I love your cooking, Mom. I can't tell you how sick I am of pizza, and Emmett's macaroni surprise."

The twins giggled as I made gagging noises to express how horrid Emmett's cooking was. My mom and dad smiled, while Alice was too busy going around the table making sure we all had refills. The busy bee nature of this little woman was making me dizzy, and I wondered why no one had slipped her a couple of Valiums yet.

"I'm glad to hear that," my mom said sweetly.

I smiled at her as I shoveled another scoop full of the potatoes. I wasn't lying; this food was the closest I had to a true orgasm in days…

"So, Edward, I understand that you're picking up the boys from school and feeding them lunch. How's that working out? Did you get a chance to meet any of the teachers there?" my dad asked curiously.

I almost fucking choked. The food in my throat went down the wrong pipe, making me cough violently. Alice and my mother sprung to my rescue, both by my side within seconds and pounding my back with enthusiasm.

It seemed to do the trick because the food was dislodged from my throat in a split second.

"I'm fine. I just need some water," I croaked as I waved them off.

Gulping down insane amounts of water, clearing the windpipe of any lingering debris, I was able to fucking breathe again; Looking up, I saw that my dad was smirking at me, like he did when he knew something was up. That was no fucking surprise. I mean, could I have made it anymore obvious? He didn't even say the name Bella, but that was all I was thinking about now.

_Shit, shit, shit!_

"You okay, son?" my dad asked suspiciously.

"Perfect," I replied rather hoarsely, it seems as though I scratched the shit out of my throat.

What the fuck was the question he asked? As I tried to gather my thoughts, I frantically tried to come up with a plan to avoid answering anything incriminating. My father decided to interject instead, stopping my panicked train of thought damn near instantly.

"The boys tell us that you've acquainted yourself with the staff there…well, one teacher in particular," my dad said offhandedly.

The boys fucking ratted me out, and I had no idea how much they told our parents. I guess I should have made it known to the boys that my talks with Bella stayed between us, but I thought drawing attention to it would only make the boys that much more eager to spill the beans.

Well, the secret was out, and now, I had to find a way not to incriminate myself even more.

"Um, yeah. Ms. Swan is an art teacher there. I've only spoken to her a couple of times," I answered indifferently.

"That's only because Ms. Swan ignores him." Anthony added.

_That little bastard…_

My mom was looking at me with her brow furrowed and a perplexed expression. "Did something happen between you two for her to treat you so rudely?"

"She's not treating me rude, Mom. She's just busy and doesn't have time to sit there and talk like we used to," I defended.

This was the stupidest thing I could have done because it told so much about the relationship between Bella and me. It was the littlest things that my mother seemed to catch, and this was the biggest confession I could ever fucking admit to.

I should have expected what happened next...

"What did you guys talk about?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"I don't remember, Mom. Like I said, we don't talk all that much anymore," I admitted sadly.

"He likes Ms. Swan, Mom. He's got a crush on her! But she likes me and Anthony better." Masen decided to add his traitorous opinion to the conversation.

_That's it! Fucking tofu for these little assholes from now on!_

The fact that he decided to rub it in my face that Bella favored them didn't go unnoticed by me, and I vowed that my brothers would pay for their disloyalty in the near future.

My mom looked over at my dad, "Did we ever meet this Ms. Swan, Carlisle? You know, during orientation?"

He was smiling as he cut into his steak, keeping his gaze on his plate as he shook his head slightly. He knew what my intentions were with this _particular_  teacher, and I was pretty sure he found the conversation funny.

I wish I could say the same.

"Well," my mom started as she looked back over at me, "You might want to respect her wishes, Edward, and leave this teacher alone. She seems to know a thing or two about not getting personally involved with student's family members."

_Fuck!_

"It's not like that, Mom," I said adamantly.

"Regardless of what  _it is_ , Edward. You need to show better decorum …okay?"

"Okay. You're right, and that sounds like a good idea," I said through my clenched teeth.

What the fuck was I going to do now? In the course of five minutes, my brothers had outted me in front of my parents, and I managed to agree to leave Bella alone? There was no way around it, either. The twins were going to be my mother's spies and report back to her whenever I tried to talk with Bella…

_Shit, fuck, dammit!_

This really was going to put a damper on my plans to be persistent.

So, the following week passed with my promise to stay away from Bella intact, and it seemed that she decided to do the same. We both ignored each other like the Black Plague. It was hard for me to stay away because I was so fascinated by her. I'd  _thought_  that was the reason why I hadn't given up or moved on, but now, things were starting to shift, and I was beginning to realize how much I craved to be near her.

_It's crazy…_

Once there was space between us, I started to realize how my obsession had gotten out of control. In the beginning, it'd been about the mystique that surrounded her and my desire to find her. I would sit at the coffee shop day in and day out, just waiting for her to make reappearance in my life. Then it shifted dramatically after I stumbled upon her at my brother's school. My fascination grew after that, and I started to appreciate her undeniable beauty, her smart mouth, and how she posed a challenge for me.

It had to be due to the fact that she was the first woman who played hard to get, and the  _only_  woman to ever tell me no.

It seemed that her lack of interest in me was my driving force, the one thing that pushed me.

But the sport of pursuing her changed because the dreams that I'd started having nightly showed me what it would be like to be with her, but just vaguely, because I had this feeling that the real thing would be better. It got me nowhere with her, and in the end, all I had was a handful of my own cock every morning. That shit was just depressing the hell out of me.

_Fuck!_

The possibilities that I saw with her had created this desire within me for her, to consume her, to have her consume me, and I was becoming impatient…

But now I had to stay away from her, and without me being persistent, I didn't know her true feelings about me. How was I to know for sure if my avoidance was bothering her? How the hell was I going to push anything forward and where would that leave me?

_If I can't have her…who can I have?_

Something had to give because the fact that I was  _this_  sexually frustrated was abnormal for me. I mean, to not experience a woman's touch in over two weeks…that was a fucking first. It made feel like a monk or a priest, and how I managed to only tolerate the touch of my own hand was beyond me.

But the thought of having anyone but Bella in my bed had…irked me. I feared if Bella didn't come around soon or if I didn't find a way out of this binding contract I had with my mom, that I was doomed to jacking off for the rest of my pathetic little life…

Okay, I was being  _overly_  dramatic, and the lack of pussy was making me a little nuts, but I was at a loss because Bella wasn't making shit easy for me.

She continued to test me, to push me—just by her mere presence, and I had to wonder, was it all for the sake of being able to say that she got me to crack first? Was it all a game to her? Would I eventually budge?

And did she see my sudden disinterest in her as a sign that I had cracked?

That Monday following Sunday's dinner, things hadn't started off so bad. In fact, I was excited to give her some of her own medicine. Every day, I would make an appearance at my brother's school never trying to actively engage her in conversation, and at first, it seemed to work. She would stare at me with longing, and I felt the power had shifted in my favor. If all it took was for me to leave her alone to get her to eye fuck me like she did, then I would've done that shit a lot sooner.

It seemed like the more I ignored her, the more I managed to piss her off. The flush that would saturate her cheeks was the most delicious sight I'd ever seen, and I was a prick because I enjoyed the response I got from her when her brow would furrow in frustration. It was fun for me to watch her get so mad, and I had to admit that the anger that came out of her had turned me on.

I could tell that she wasn't the type of person who lost their cool so easily, and the fact I caused such a reaction within her made me hopeful.

_God, I want her to take that anger out on me…preferably in my bed._

The sexual tension between us was what had me coming back time and time again, each time trying harder than before.  _However_ , things slowly started to change, and by the end of the week she had switched up her tactics. No longer would she stare at me; instead, I would get the cold shoulder. It was this sudden, complete and utter indifference that I got from her that left me feeling more discouraged than ever.

It was the one thing that would eventually work on me because in one fell swoop, she had managed to strip away any chance I felt I may have had with her.

It was like that old saying goes, "If you ignore it long enough, eventually it will go away."

For a brief moment in time, I had the upper hand, and it was fucking magnificent. However, the more I started to think about it, the more I saw that she always had the power…I was just naïve enough to think otherwise. When it came down to it, she was smarter.

She was always right about one thing. She was, indeed, stronger than me, and it made me feel like such an amateur.

_Did she have any idea what she was doing to me?_

The days I spent hanging my head and ignoring female attention had Jasper and Emmett concerned. My behavior was worrisome to even me, and I had to do something to pull myself out of my funk. The unfortunate part was I had no desire to just bury my dick into some random chick. The days of seeking out easy women to bang were long gone, and now all that was left was a man who wanted to bang only one woman.

What sucked was that woman in question wanted nothing to do with me, so I had become very familiar with my right hand.

_Damn, I am so pathetic…_

This was why I needed to get out of the fucking house and out with my boys. It was already Friday night and I was a single guy, I needed to be out there, exploring my options…

 _Yeah right_...

Anyways, regardless of what I told myself, it'd been Emmett's idea because tonight had been the first time in a year he was free of the burdens of having a girlfriend because his woman, Rosalie, had to work late at her internship at some prestigious law firm and he was excited to have a night out. Jasper decided to come along because he always did, and well, he was always down to do just about anything. Like me, he wasn't bound to just one woman,  _but_  unlike me, he wasn't bound to just one woman he could never have.

_Shit…_

Did I want to be tied and bound to Bella? Yes—I fucking did.

"Are we going to do another round?" I slurred as I slammed the empty shot glass down.

My head was still filled with thoughts of Bella, and I realized that I wasn't in the present like I should be, and therefore proving I still wasn't quite drunk enough to phase her completely out like I wanted. Therein lied the problem…I needed more booze.

"Hell yeah," Emmett boomed as he raised his hand over his head, calling the waitress over.

"Maybe, we should slow down," Jasper said disapprovingly.

"Fuck that!" Emmett boomed, shaking his head.

 _Luckily_ , I had Emmett, the frat boy out tonight, who was more than willing to give me alcohol poisoning while laughing and egging me on. It was Jasper who kept a level head and wanted to keep things under control, like a fucking party pooper. Even when he was supposed to let loose, he hung onto his principles. This was a far cry from the kid I grew up with. Shit, back in the day he was always doing some crazy shit. I think the car crash he'd been in as a teenager had woken his ass up…

We did many things, but we never drove drunk…

Completely ignoring Jasper, I tried to focus on the people on the dance floor, scouting out women and hoping to find a girl to take home, but the techno music was pounding pretty fucking loudly. It made concentrating on anything very difficult.

 _God damn rave music,_ I thought with disdain.

The bar we were at couldn't even be considered a bar. It was some warehouse located in the seedy part of Chicago where drive-by shootings were rampant. But the beer was cheap, and Emmett said it would be nice to get away from a sports bar. This seemed like a good idea at first.  _However,_  I never expected Emmett to take us a place where there were strobe lights, techno music, and people dropping tablets of Ecstasy like they were candy…

 _Leave it to fucking Em to take us to a place like this_.

The asshole even suggested that we participate in the ambiance by buying some glow sticks and pacifiers, but Jasper and I quickly shot that idea down. It was bad enough that it was just a matter of time before the police busted down the door and started arresting people.

_What the fuck am I doing here?_

As Emmett told the waitress our drink order, I noticed that Jasper was giving me his all-knowing eye, and I stifled a groan. It was clear to me that Jazz wanted to hash out all my problems like he was Dr. Phil, and although the guy meant well, now was just not the time. My mind was still so fucked up, and after our previous conversation, I didn't know if I could handle his brutal truth again.

I wasn't quite drunk enough yet.

The music made any heart to heart conversation nearly impossible, and luckily for me, the waitress came back in the nick of time with our shots of Patron Silver and twenty-two ounces of draft beer, effectively severing any chance that Jasper had to pounce.

_Praise Jesus…_

Glancing away from Jazz, I looked up at the waitress just as she was setting down our drinks, and suddenly my face was deep into her chest. I could barely see her face. It was all titties from this hinder point of view. Her breasts did nothing for me. Granted, if this was a few weeks ago, I would've smacked the faceless waitress on her ass while slipping my number in between her cleavage, but the reminders of dream Bella were all that I could see, and the waitress would never be able to measure up…

_Ugh, I fucking don't deserve a dick._

Faintly in the background I heard the guys chuckling as the waitress pressed her rack into me even more, and I wanted to fucking kill them. Once she removed herself from me, I looked over at the guys and saw huge grins on their ugly faces.

_Yeah, laugh it up, assholes…_

Flipping them off, I turned my attention back to what I really wanted, and that was old' trusty Jose…wait, were we drinking Patron?

"Alright, fellas, bottoms up," Emmett interrupted my inane inward ramblings as he ceremoniously held up his shot glass.

The atmosphere changed just like that; it was no longer about my sad little problems but about being with my boys. So, following Emmett's lead, Jasper and I both held up our glasses, and all together we tipped it back, letting the liquor coat our throat. The tequila was my savior as it heated its way down my esophagus.

This was my form of therapy, and as I chased the ice cold beer down with it, I felt that I was finally getting that buzz I so desperately craved. All I needed was three more shots chased with four more beers, and I would be officially thrashed.

Looking over the rim of my glass as I sipped beer, I saw that Emmett was chugging down his beer in large gulps, almost as if he was trying to race me. He slammed the glass down hard on the table, quickly following it up with a loud belch. He patted his belly, causing Jasper and I to laugh at his antics.

"That's fucking disgusting," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Awe, don't act like you don't want me, E. I've read your diary," Emmett cackled.

"I don't have a diary, asshole," I shot back.

Emmett chuckled, "Oh that's right, you've just been obsessing over brown eyes."

"Still?" Jasper asked, surprised.

_Fuck…_

I knew exactly where this was leading, and if I wasn't so drunk, I would've done anything to avoid the conversation. But as it were, the more the drinks started to flow freely, the more I was starting to feel good. My motor skills were still intact, but my mind was drifting. The shots and beer chasers were finally doing their job at this point, and I found out I was feeling very open—talkative. Which in the back of mind, I knew I would later regret. All it would take me was a good long piss to rid myself of all the alcohol to regain my head, or whatever the fuck was left of it.

Emmett's eyes bugged out of his head as Jasper's words registered with him, "What the fuck do you mean, 'still'?"

"Our boy Eddie over here is fascinated with some girl he met briefly at the coffee shop a few weeks back. This beautiful woman told him no," Jasper replied, divulging all my fucking secrets.

_Asshole!_

"Wait, wait. Hold the phone. What girl are we talking about?" Emmett asked, looking at me pointedly.

I shrugged as I took a quick sip of my beer.

"You know about this girl?" Jasper asked Emmett suspiciously.

The guys were slowly putting the puzzle together, but I was to the point of not giving a shit. Who fucking cared if they knew. It didn't matter. Bella didn't want me.

"If we're talking about the  _same_  hottie, I was the one who pointed her out to him," Emmett declared proudly.

I shot a hateful gaze in his direction because my misery was his fucking fault. If it wasn't for him, I would be oblivious to everything around me, and I would be off screwing some random bitch right now. He was the reason that my cock only knew the skin of my hand.

"Yeah, I can't thank you enough for that,  _dick_ ," I mumbled sarcastically.

He looked at me with big puppy dog eyes, liked I wounded his ego or some shit. But fuck him and his stupid feelings! He had no idea the stress this woman caused in my life. No sex was starting to get to me, and making me more irritable than usual.

"So, are you going to tell us the truth about what the hell is going on with you?" Jasper shouted over the loud music that decided to kick up again.

"I'm sorry?" I yelled back.

Both Emmett and Jasper looked at me expectantly, and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to deflect the situation. My behavior had been a red flag, and now that they knew for a fact that I wasn't being forthcoming with them; shit was about to get deep.

_Fuck…this music is obnoxious._

"What the hell do you two bitches want to know?" I spat.

"Well, let's start off with all this emo shit you've been doing lately, and not to mention the lack of sex you've been having," Emmett said, listing the reasons off on his fingers.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "What lack of sex? I don't see how any of that makes any fucking sense."

Emmett was making perfect sense…dammit!

"Be nice to him, Edward. You know this sensitive shit ain't easy for him. What he meant to say was that we've been noticing the changes in you and we're a little concerned," Jasper stated gently.

Emmett nodded at Jasper's words, "Yeah, what he said. Come on, dude. Share with us. I mean, chicks do it all the time. Why can't we?"

"Because we don't have vaginas, Em," I paused, eying Emmett suspiciously. "Well, maybe you do."

He smiled, "Fuck you, asshole."

The three of us started laughing, and I thought I'd managed to dodge the conversation entirely, but Jasper wasn't willing to let shit go.

"Seriously, what's up?" Jasper asked all mother hen like.

"Jesus, guys. I'm gay," I deadpanned.

"Stop being such an ass and just be straight with us…" Jasper trailed off.

I laughed, "Nice choice of words."

"You know what I mean, dick," Jasper said as he hit me on my arm.

I sighed, "What do you want to know exactly? I thought I told you everything already."

Emmett remained quiet as he listened intently to our conversation.

"Yeah, that was two weeks ago. You've changed drastically since then. There is something else you're not telling us," Jasper stated perceptively.

"Her name is Bella," I heard myself say. "She's the same woman I met at the coffee shop and she wants nothing to do with me."

Jasper looked at me confused, "How do you know her name?"

_Fuck!_

"She's a teacher at the twins school," I said as I started to tear apart a bar napkin.

"Holy shit! Do you mean to tell us that she works up at the school…fuck me running! No wonder you pick up the boys every day." Emmett finally spoke up, putting his two cents in.

"Can't we just drop it?" I asked in an exasperated tone.

"Sure," Jasper answered hesitantly.

"Thank you," I replied, grateful that he wasn't going to keep digging

"But only under one condition," Jasper said, amending his terms.

I looked up at him and saw him smiling, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was looking over me. Turning around in my chair, I saw what—who he'd been looking at. It was a woman standing up at the makeshift bar. The view was nice to look at, but I found myself bored.

Turning back around in my chair, I saw that both Jasper and Emmett were staring at me. They were obviously up to something and I knew it had to be no good.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Dance with her," Emmett replied excitedly.

"What? No way, guys…that's not going to happen. She's not my type," I said, shaking my head.

"Who gives a flying fuck if she's your type? She has a vagina and you need someone to squelch this dry spell of yours. I can tell you that girl is more than willing," Emmett stated adamantly.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, I'm sure she is."

"That's my condition, Edward," Jasper declared.

"I fucking didn't agree to any god damn condition, Jazz," I said irately.

"Okay then, but if you don't go talk to that girl than you have to tell us about Bella," he affirmed sternly.

"That's entrapment," I groaned as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Call it what you will, but consider this as therapy. You asked for my help and this is how I'm giving it," Jasper asserted.

It was useless to fight them because what it came down to was my reluctance to discuss Bella. She was the only thing I didn't want to divulge to anyone, and if it meant I had to go talk to some random chick to keep Bella tightly locked up, then that was what I was going to do.

"Fine," I huffed.

Getting up from the seat, I held onto the end of the table, trying to get some stability. It was the first time I stood up in two hours and my legs were feeling a little weak. It was like I was that stupid deer, from that cartoon the boys made me watch with them, he had problems trying to walk, as well. Taking one more glance at the guys, I saw that they were smiling like goddamned idiots. It was clear that Jasper's form of therapy was more along the lines for his own entertainment.

It didn't matter if they expected me to fail or even if they didn't. What mattered was my desire to get this over with as quickly as possible...

Finally getting my fucking balance, I managed to walk through the rambunctious crowd relatively unscathed. I noticed that the woman in question hadn't moved an inch, and as I got closer, I saw that she was very beautiful. The brown hair, which she wore in long waves, was a deep burgundy color, and the tits that she had on display were definitely real.

She was ripe for the picking…

As soon as I approached her, I felt uncomfortable. Something wasn't right about what I was doing and I had this fucked up sensation in me like…like I was cheating.

_What the hell…_

Swallowing the unknown guilt, I put on a fake smile. "Hi."

Naturally, my smile came out as a grimace, and there was nothing I wanted to say to her; my mind was blank. As I stared into her hazel eyes, I felt the sudden urge to flee. The way she looked over me like a piece of meat as she sipped on a fucking apple martini made me want to cringe.

Unfortunately, I promised Jasper that I would talk to her; it was worth a fucking shot, right? But what I hadn't expected was her aggressiveness as she took a step in my direction; pressing her body firmly against mine…it was like I almost had to force myself to stay. Even when she placed her hand directly over my cock, I had to fight against the impulse to pull away from her.

"Hello, handsome," she purred. "What took you so long?"

"Um," I hesitated. "I'm actually here to buy some drinks."

Pushing myself away from her, I waved down the bartender and put in my impromptu order. The unknown woman stared at me the whole time, no doubt feeling rejected, but I just couldn't do it. It was just something about the situation that terrified me, and I didn't know if it was due to the fact that she was a brunette and reminded me of Bella, or the fact that she wasn't Bella.

"That's it?" she asked furiously as I turned to walk back to my table.

I nodded, "I'm sorry, miss, but I have a girlfriend."

The lies that were spilling out of my mouth were now becoming a part of the bigger picture…my life was a sham.

It was around one-thirty in the morning when we ended up staggering out of the bar. The night of male bonding and turning down available pussy was coming to a close, and I for one was fucking exhausted. My vision was consistently blurry from the excessive amounts of alcohol I'd ingested.

I was ready to call it a night.

As we stood on the edge of the curb, trying to hail a cab that never came our way, I hated to admit that my legs were starting to go limp again, and it was getting to the point where I might have to lean on Jasper to keep me upright. That was when Emmett decided to turn around and slap me hard on the arm, like out of fucking nowhere. The force of the impact had made me stumble back, and crashing into Jasper.

Thankfully, he was hell if a lot more sober than I was because his reflexes were quick and he was able to catch me before I went face first into the pavement. He lifted me back upright, and I smiled appreciatively at him. "Thanks, Jazz."

"Don't mention it," he replied as he patted me on the back.

Once I'd gotten my equilibrium back, I focused my fierce gaze on Emmett. His big fat fucking head was somewhat blurry, but my annoyance with his overzealous attitude had me raring to go.

So, with all the strength I could muster, I punched him back on his shoulder…hard. But like always, that was fucking a waste of my energy because it never even phased the jerk.

All it managed to do was get him to look at me with confusion while my fist was left throbbing in pain.

"Fuck," I hissed as I cradled my hand.

"What's your problem, man?" Emmett asked, stunned.

"You're my problem. Why the fuck did you hit me?" I spat.

"Don't be such a wuss, E. I didn't hit you hard." Emmett defended.

"The hell you didn't! I nearly fucking ate the pavement because of your dumb ass!" My voice was starting to rise in octaves, but Em looked unperturbed.

"Stop being such a little pansy and walk that shit off," he said waving me his hand at me.

"You're such an asshole," I mumbled.

"Eh, you'll live. The reason I hit you,  _jackass_ , was because I wanted to get your attention. I have an awesome idea," Emmett said brightly.

My fist was fucking throbbing, and I was not in the mood to listen to one of Emmett's brilliant ideas.

"This should be fucking good," I said sarcastically.

Ignoring me completely, he looked over at Jasper; his eyes were gleaming with excitement and a mischievous smile suddenly spreading across his face, "Let's go get some tats!" Emmett suggested.

"You want to get tattoos? Of what exactly?" Jasper asked, confused.

"Best bud tat's…what else?" Emmett said like it was obvious.

The tattoo idea was the last thing I expected to come out of Emmett's mouth, and as my eyes took in our surroundings, I saw where the idea of his had originated from.

Apparently, there was a tattoo parlor directly across the street from us…how fucking spontaneous.

I started laughing, "You can't be fucking serious? You're the biggest pussy I know when it comes to pain, Em," I harked back.

"I'm drunk, bitch. I'm not going to feel any pain…duh!" he said matter-of-factly.

"He does have a point," Jasper spoke up.

My eyes shot to Jasper incredulously. He was the one person who was supposed to be the fatherly one out of the bunch and stop nonsense like this in its tracks. He wasn't supposed to fucking encourage it.

"So it's settled…unless you're scared, little guy," Emmett taunted me.

He acted like a little kid sometimes with his sad attempts at mocking …As if I had anything to be fucking scared of when it came to tattoo's.

"You forget that I already have two tattoos, douche. I know what to fucking expect. You're the skin virgin, remember," I retorted, rolling my eyes at his ignorance.

He scoffed, "Why are you being such a prick, E? I mean, I tried to get you laid tonight, didn't I? But  _no_ , it was all about some bitch you don't even know—"

"Don't you dare fucking call her that," I cut him off angrily, getting into his face.

Men, testosterone, and alcohol never mixed well…there was always going to be some sort of spontaneous combustion.

"You need to step off, E," Emmett said warningly.

"Fuck you, Em. You  _don't_  know her, so you have no fucking right to call her that," I spat furiously.

"Seriously, dude. You need to get out of my face or I will be forced to cunt punch you," Emmett spoke through gritted teeth.

The situation was escalating as Emmett and I stared each other down. My hands clenched into tight fists and I was ready to fight him. The way he'd trampled all over Bella's good name had me fuming and his words were uncalled for.

_How dare he call Bella a bitch? I mean, didn't he realize who he was fucking dating?_

Before the situation could get out of hand, Jasper was intervening, putting himself in between Emmett and me. He placed his hands on our chests and pushed Emmett and I away from each other, but I was too upset to even notice what Jasper was doing.

All I saw was red.

"Come on, guys. Let's take it down a notch, okay? Edward, I'm sure Emmett didn't mean to call Bella a bitch. Isn't that right, Em?" Jasper asked Emmett calmly.

He grunted like a buffoon as he took a step away from me but I was beyond pissed, and I wasn't going to let him get off so easily. Unfortunately, Jasper anticipated my every move, and stopped me in my tracks with just a simple hand, placing it on my shoulder.

It had a powerful affect on me…it was like Jazz was the next messiah.

"You need to chill out, Edward. How can this woman have you so fucking twisted that you're willing to fight your best friend over it?" Jasper asked skeptically. "It doesn't sound like you."

He was right and I knew it, but I wasn't going to admit to it, though. I was drunk. My thoughts were chaotic and the Irish blood was pumping through my veins. I was looking for a fight and for someone to take all my frustrations out on. Granted, it wasn't wise to take it out on my best friends, but Emmett started it.

I let out a defeated sigh. "What, like I don't fucking know this? Like I don't see that there's something wrong with me? I mean, there was a hot bitch in that bar tonight just willing to spread her legs for me, but what do I fucking do? I tell her that I have a girlfriend," I replied hoarsely. Jasper's and Emmett's eyes widen at my admission and I nodded. "Yup! I lied, and for what? Enlighten me, Yoda. Because right now, I have no idea what the fuck I am doing."

Emmett took a hesitant step towards me, and I tensed. What the hell was he going to do? Fuck, I wouldn't be surprised if they locked me up in some asylum for the legally insane because the shit I was saying was crazy. The way I shut myself off from any sort of fucking pussy had to be for one of two reasons: either I was a fucking fag or I was crazy.

Well, sense I hated my own dick; I would have to say I was off my rocker.

"Dude, I didn't know you had it that bad," Emmett said quietly.

I laughed humorlessly, "I don't have anything, Em. That's the problem."

"Well, if pussy isn't the answer, then I think what you need is a tattoo," he said, wrapping his arm around my neck and pulling me across the street.

The neon lights to the tattoo parlor flashed  _Virtual Reality Tattoo and Piercings._ It wasn't a place I usually went to and I suspected their sanitation policy wasn't that strict, but I was too drunk to raise a fuss.

"What the fuck are we getting, guys?" Jasper yelled as he trailed behind us.

Twenty minutes later, we all decided on getting matching armbands of a barbwire. Emmett about fucking flipped when we all agreed with it because he said he always wanted one, and at this point, I could care less. As long as it was easy to cover up, I was down for just about anything.

Even if in the morning I regretted my decision…

The tattoo parlor was deserted and we were rushed right in. The two tattoo artists were both male, but polar opposites of each other. The one guy was tall and rail thin with black spiky hair, and his body was filled with tattoos. He introduced himself as Aaron. The other guy was just as tall, but about forty pounds overweight, and looked as clean cut as me. Apparently, Drew liked to tattoo, he just didn't like to  _have_  tattoos.

At any rate, they were both free and able to do two at a time. Since Jasper and Emmett were the newbie's, I decided to let them go ahead while I waited out in the lounge. It was best that the skin virgins go first because truthfully, tattoos were therapeutic for me, and I wanted to be more sober when I got mine.

The sounds of Emmett yelping in pain were cracking me up, and I vowed to make fun of his pansy ass later for that. Jasper on the other hand was quiet, and I found myself checking up on him to make sure he didn't pass out or fucking die on me. But every time I walked behind that curtain to check, I saw that he was wide awake and alert. He was handling his first tattoo with some class.

Sitting down on one of their stiff leather sofas, I flipped through one of their numerous tattoo magazines. The artwork that was displayed in these pages left me in fucking awe. The creativity it took was just amazing, and if I could, I would tattoo myself all over my body because I was always coming up with new ideas, but I restrained myself.

Tattoos were still seen as taboo in my desired profession, and I would hate to be judged on my body's artwork than my body of work.

Emmett was stumbling out of one of the rooms when I first saw the ad; it was an advertisement for a dominatrix service, and the only thing they showed was a pair of almond shaped eyes, but that was all I need to see. I couldn't count how many times I stared into those same eyes. They were unmistakable, and I knew the very moment I gazed upon those deep brown orbs, that there was no fucking doubts…it was her.

The eyes belong to Bella.

_This has to be a mistake…_

But clearly in bold ink, it stated that Mistress Marie was a dominatrix who specialized in spankings, role playing, suspensions, and much, much, more.

_This can't be true…_

Not willing to idly overlook the possibility, I quickly tore the ad out of the magazine, and shoving it deep into my pockets. My breathing was labored now, and I felt like I almost got caught doing something wrong. It was all so electrifying and I enjoyed the rush…

There was no doubt in my mind. I was going to call the number and make an appointment.

"Man, how did you stand it?" Emmett whined as he collapsed down next to me.

There was a white bandaged covering his left bicep, and he gently stroked it.

_What a bitch…_

I chuckled, "It's not that bad."

"Ha!" he scoffed.

I was going to berate him, taunt him, telling him how big of a pussy he was, but Aaron chose that time to peek his head out and around the curtain, "You ready, sir?"

"Yeah," I answered as I stood up from the couch.

As I walked to go get tatted, the mere thought of the pain to come from the needle as it penetrated my skin left me feeling excited. It was the one thing that was meant to be painful that I took extreme pleasure in…well, that was before I thought about a Dominatrix.

_I want to know what the much, much, more entails…_

In the past, I would've scoffed at the idea of a woman inflicting pain on a man, but the thought of Bella being the one to whip me…

 _Fuck—_ it excited me more than the pain of getting a tattoo.

I was decided. There was not a doubt in my mind…I was going to call.


	9. Masquerade

**Chapter Eight**

**~Masquerade~**

The moment I opened my eyes, I felt the pounding headache, my lethargic brain pulsating against my cranium, and I knew without an iota of a doubt that I went too far last night. Slowly shifting up on my elbows, I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was well past noon. The sun shone brightly into my room, illuminating my epic mess of piled clothes and textbooks that cluttered my floor. The urge to just go back to sleep was strong, but my father's cautioning voice was sounding off in my ear, lecturing me about being dehydrated after a heavy night of drinking, and that best way to get rid of a hangover was to drink plenty of water with a Vitamin B12.

 _I know…_ I thought irritably as I sat further up, answering my father's repetitive lecture sounding in my mind.

The jumbled memories of last night festivities played out before me like the movie Animal House, filled with endless Tequila shots, numerous male bonding chest bumps, and louder than fuck rave music. It all came flooding back to me in less than a minute, causing my head to throb even more.

Last night had initially been about partying with my boys and getting out there again.  _Maybe,_  even try to have some overdue entertainment. When we got to the bar, I'd decided to regain my sense of self, and my solution to that was to find some available tail to nail—the hit and quit it route. It was the repertoire I'd been accustomed to for years, but for some unknown reason, I punked out.

It was hard for me to believe that I'd changed so much….

That my motto, my modus operandi I worked by, the one I'd held stead fast to for so long, was now shifting and morphing into something despicable. I recognized it as something that wept with depravities and bad morals, and that fact made me kind of queasy...

It was starting to get to the point where  _I_ was almost unrecognizable…even to myself.

So, as a responsible young man, what do I do to deal with shit I couldn't figure out? I decided to play therapist and self-medicate.

Alcohol was the one thing I always got carried away with. I either don't drink, or I binge drink; there was no happy medium.

In the past, it'd been about being a fucking asshole, trying to flaunt my tolerance, and seeing how many people I could out drink…That shit was typical frat boy behavior, and I stopped doing that right after I got back from Cancun.

I decided it was time to grow the fuck up.

But last night was different. It was now about forgetting things I didn't want to think about…

Regardless of my reasons for getting wasted, I knew the end result would always be the same. If there was one thing I could count on when I was drunk, it was my own stupidity. And now that I was sitting at the edge of my bed, I thought hard about what happened last night, praying to god that what I done while I was intoxicated didn't involve nudity.

_I think there was some fight with…Emmett?_

Fuck, a fight with Emmett? I wasn't even sure if that actually happened, but that was why I didn't drink very often. I always ended up blitzed, waking up with hazy memories and a bad taste in my mouth.

Hence the Jessica fiasco, where I'd mistaken her for my beautiful chocolate-eyed queen. You'd think I'd learn from that episode alone, but I guessed showing my good to a room full of friends while pissing off one of my frequent pussies wasn't under the category of adequate consequences.

Even though my past drunken indiscretions were usually redeemable—no harm, no fowl—it still never excused my asshole behavior by any means…

Standing up from my bed, I stumbled into the bathroom. My eyes were just adjusting to my surroundings, and I was lucky enough to locate my toilet. As I laid my hand against the wall, leaning on my extended arm for support as I took a quick piss, I caught glimpse out of my peripheral vision of something white on my ribcage.

_What the…_

Yeah, it was confirmed, I went way  _too_  fucking far last night.

"Jesus," I cursed as I moved to get a better look at the bandage that was securely taped to the right side of my torso, I jerked my body slightly, and in the process, managed to piss all over my hand. "Dammit!"

Once my dick was done dribbling and securely in my boxer shorts, I looked into the mirror to get a better point of view of the bandage, I groaned loudly, because I knew what that fucking meant…

_My dumbass got a tattoo…_

I quickly washed my hands in the sink, cleaning off my fucking urine that I'd managed to get all over my hand.

The moment I was finished, though, I reached up, and started to pull off the bandage. Snapping my eyes shut, I realized that I was fucking terrified to look at the tattoo that I'd gotten in my drunken state. To be honest, this tattoo was a blatant fucking indication that I was  _clearly_ wasted because I never took getting a tattoo lightly. They were something that was symbolic to me, and since I had very limited body space for ink, I never went in just to get a tattoo. That shit was usually planned, well thought out.

_It had to mean something…_

So, to say I was nervous to look at the damage I'd done was a fucking understatement. But I knew that I had to look, and slowly I began to open my eyes.

There in plain fucking black ink was…

_Wait…what is that? Is that fucking Greek?_

The small phrase that was vertically along my ribcage, like my Cullen tattoo, was, of course, in some fucking ass foreign language that I couldn't understand. It seems that even when I was drunk, I had to make whatever tattoo I get to mean something to me.

But what the hell did it mean?

Quickly, I rushed out of the bathroom, and to my laptop, determined to find out. There had to be some way to figure out what the saying was. The internet was filled with useless knowledge, and I knew there had to be an online translator somewhere on my search engine.

I mean, how else would this cryptic shit be on my body? I doubted Aaron, I think that was his name, was some fucking language scholar.

Writing the tattoo down as close as possible, I turned on my laptop, and waited for the PC to boot up. The fact that I couldn't remember anything really bothered me, and I started to search my brain for some clue, some detail of last night's events, hoping to get a little insight from this little mystery of mine.

The beginning of the night was as clear as fucking day to me, and I even remembered when the waitress shoved her breasts in my face. Which was nice, but that wasn't the part I remembered the most; it was my lack of interest in the titties that were in my face, and I briefly wondered why I'd been so appalled at the time.

_Oh, I know why—it was because I'm a fucking douche, that's why._

Rolling my eyes over my inner berating, I focused harder on the events after that, and that was when I came to the part where things got hazy. It seemed that last shot of tequila that the waitress brought us was the one that finally did me in.

That was the exact point in time where I went from completely coherent to fucking disjointed.

The language that was inked on my ribcage I'd narrowed down to Greek—which was fucking odd. I had no Greek descent whatsoever, and I chalked it up to the need for me to be secretive, and that I was trying to hide something.

The Greek text was the only thing that looked semi-cool.

The translation popped up and I stared at the meaning for at least a minute, because it just didn't make sense to me. "I desire the fire in my mistress' eyes," I read out loud.

_No…_

The moment I realized what the translation meant, it was a just like butterfly effect for me, because all those missing memories came flashing in the forefront of my mind, and suddenly I remembered  _everything_ …

The woman at the bar, the fight with Emmett, and his lame fucking idea to get best buddies tattoos…

Pushing myself away from the desk, I started to rummage through my dirty clothes looking for the one thing I couldn't believe I'd forgotten. It was the only thing that brought me any sort of closure last night. It had set me on my path, and it was the reason I'd gotten the tattoo in the first place.

It was her eyes…the deep and stunning brown that seemed to draw me in. How could I not remember the crumbled up paper I'd tore out of the magazine?

Finally, I picked up my faded blue jeans from last night, reaching into the pockets, pulling out a tattered piece of glossy paper. I knew what I was going to see once I unfolded the paper, and a tiny part of me didn't want to go any further. It was like this paper represented Pandora's Box, and when I opened it, the things that escaped it, good or bad, would never be able to be put back in.

Deciding I was already in too deep, I decided to rip off the band-aid once and for all…

_Yes, I do desire fire in my mistress' eyes._

"Fuck," I hissed. "Why are you so god damn stupid, Cullen?"

The realization that I went as far as to tattoo myself with something as brazen as this was mind boggling. I mean, to fucking confess my insanity like that…My sad, wholly unhealthy obsession was now written forever on my skin, and to think this was over a woman who wanted nothing to do with me. It was like I finally went off the fucking deep end this time, definitely certifiable. The fucked up part was, I didn't know how to explain the tattoo or even possibly begin to make any rational excuses for my hasty actions.

God, why did I have to be so fucking stupid? I was an intelligent young man—at least I thought I was, but the ink proved that I was just a man who loved the allure of the chase, and I was starting to wonder if it was even about Bella anymore.

Maybe it was me… _shit!_  What if I was looking for a change so desperately that I was using every possible avenue to achieve that goal…

Looking down at the paper I held tightly in my hand, I stared at the eyes for a long time; the nervousness and anticipation ran through my veins once again. That was when I knew.

It was about Bella.

There was something that I saw from the very first time I met her. There was something about her that always left me wanting to know more. The fact that I fought so hard against it the way I did was a little counter-productive because it didn't matter what I did, the outcome would always be the same.

 _Shit—_ I just wish I didn't fucking profess my feelings so boldly like I did…

_Alcohol, unhealthy obsessions, and ink just don't fucking mix!_

It was a quarter past the hour and I had at the most an hour before I had to leave to go teach my piano class, but my mind wasn't with my obligations because I was completely consumed with the number that was burning a hole in my pocket.

I still hadn't decided what I was going to do with it. Several times throughout the day, when no one was looking, I would pull the paper out, and look into those eyes…fascinated as they stared back at me.

I was at least ninety-nine percent sure that Mistress Marie was in fact Bella, but that one percent doubt was what was holding me back.

If I made the appointment with  _this_  Dominatrix, I didn't know what that would involve. I spent most of the late afternoon Googling the information, and some of the things I found were a bit… shocking.

The things that some men let women do to them, it was all a little fucking disturbing. There were a few things that popped out at me, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to put myself through that kind of torment.

Like for instance, the cock and ball torture, or as it's commonly referred to as CBT, was…frightening, and I instinctively grabbed my boys, promising them that even though I was an asshole for denying us some release, that I wasn't about to fucking do that to them.

The little guys had it rough as it was.

What also surprised me was that most Dommes didn't have sex with any of their clients, well, slaves or submissives. In fact, the advertisement to Mistress Marie's Dungeon even stated that no sex or penetration of any kind was involved.

It was basically about sensory play, whipping, pain, mild torture, and any fetish some sick bastard could find.

It was these reasons I hesitated to make the initial call. The other thing that made me wary to call was the possibility of me being right, and this was indeed Bella. There was no way she would agree to see me, let alone tie me up and spank me.

It was my identity that would stop this from going any further, and knew I had to figure out a way to keep who I was under wraps. But how? The ad said to call and make an appointment for a consultation— _that_  was even before the Mistress decided to take a submissive on, and that fucking didn't bode well for me, at all.

It was an unforeseen hump, and I knew there had to be some way around it. I spent the last ten minutes just racking my brain for any possible solutions, looking for a likely loop hole.

"What are you doing?" Emmett asked as he poked his head in my room.

Startled by his sudden appearance, I scrambled to close down my windows before he had a chance to see what I was looking at. I was on some Dominatrix site, and I didn't want to have to explain why I was there—God knew that Emmett would never drop it if he saw it.

"Just playing a game of Solitaire," I answered nonchalantly.

"Oh, cool," Emmett said, shrugging his shoulders, and walking further into my room. "Listen, what do you have planned tonight?"

 _Well_ ,  _since you asked, I was planning on getting whipped and tortured in Mistress Marie's dungeon of pain…_

However, before I do all that, I still needed to grow some cojonas, and make the call…

But I couldn't tell him that, so I lied, "I think I'm going to hang out at home tonight."

"Edward Cullen is going to stay home…on a Saturday night? What's wrong with that picture? Did the army of skanks finally wise up?" Rosalie's snarky tone caught my attention and I saw that she too was now standing in my room.

_That should teach me to keep my door open…_

" _He's_ the one turning down the skanks, Rose," Emmett chimed in all protectively.

Rose's eyes widened with surprise, "No shit."

 _Thanks a lot, fucker!_  I thought bitterly as I shot daggers at Emmett.

"Yep, Eddie here keeps turning them down left and right. I think he's interested in priest hood." Emmett chuckled.

_What the fuck?_

It seemed as though Emmett had no qualms about airing my dirty fucking laundry, and to a person who fucking hated me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head. "Don't you guys have somewhere to be?"

"Oh shit, that's right," Emmett boomed as he started pushing Rosalie out the door.

"Hey," she whined, protesting against him.

To be honest, I had no idea if they had anywhere to go, but I figured at this point it was worth a try. Sometime in the last two minutes I'd decided to call Mistress Marie…damn the consequence.

"Come on, babe. We'll be late if we don't leave," Emmett told Rosalie before turning back to me, "See you later, Doucheward. Don't think I'll forgive you for pussing out on me and Jasper with the tattoos."

I looked at him confused until it hit me.

Last night after I got my impromptu tattoo, I told Jasper and Emmett that I chickened out and didn't get it. They believed me because I had Aaron lock the guys out, and forbidding them to come in.

In hindsight, I knew if we weren't all drunk that the guys would never fall for such a flimsy story.

I just needed more time to come up with a symbolic phrase for my tattoo.

_I should Google it…_

"Sorry, Em. How did Rose take your new ink?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head, stepping into my room, and whispering. "She wasn't too happy about it, but this morning when I gave it to her good—"

"Jesus, Em. I don't need to hear that shit," I interrupted, plugging my ears.

He grinned, giving me a quick wink. "I didn't hear any complaints after that."

"That's great. I'm really happy for you, dude," I said, disgusted and waving him off.

He laughed. "Peace out, brother," he said as his parting words and dashing out of my room.

Jumping up from my desk chair, I closed the door and locked it. I ran to my bedroom window and watched as the world's most annoying couple left hand and hand. It wasn't until I could no longer see Emmett's Honda that I pulled out my phone to dial Mistress Marie's dungeon.

The phone rang a few times before it finally picked up.

I held my breath…this was it...

"Hello, thank you for calling Dante's Dungeon. This is Angela speaking, how can I help you?" a sweet and innocent voice answered.

Yeah, that was definitely not Bella.

"Hello," I replied in a deeper voice. "My name is…"  _Shit!_ I did not think this through. "Actually, what is your policy on Confidentiality? You see, I was hoping to get a session with Mistress Marie tonight, but I am wary that my company will find out about my… _activities_ , and let's just say that they frown upon this sort of lifestyle."

"Oh, not a problem, please hold," Angela said quickly and suddenly music was blaring into my ear.

_**Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell  
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself  
I want to fuck you like an animal** _

_Ah, Nine Inch Nails, how fitting,_  I mused appreciatively.

"This is Mistress Marie. I heard you have some questions?" the sound of Bella's voice threw me off guard, and I fucking dropped the phone.

"Dammit!" I hissed as I bent down to retrieve it. "Yes," I said, covering the mouth piece and deepening my voice once again. "I was just wondering what your policy is on confidentiality, and due to my work, I would rather have to not issue my name."

There was silence on the phone for a beat, and then finally she replied, "Sir, I understand the need for anonymity— _believe me_ , but it's our policy to have clients names on file. We don't sell any of our client's information and everything that happens within Dante's Dungeon  _stays_ in Dante's Dungeon."

_You can't give her your name…_

The silence loomed as I tried to figure out what the fuck I was going to do. The information they needed, I couldn't fucking provide. What was I going to do?

"Are you still there, sir?" she asked warily.

"Yes. Is it possible to get in to see you tonight?" I blurted out.

"You mean a consultation?" she asked, confused.

"No, I mean as in  _session_ ,"

"That's not possible, sir. We have protocols, and you can't make up your own rules. You won't even divulge your name. It's disrespectful and I simply don't have time," she said furiously.

_Shit!_

"I do apologize for my rudeness, Mistress. My name is Emmett McCarty, and the reason for my urgency is that I am flying out tonight on business, and I heard from clients of yours that you are the best. I need some release, and I am begging you to oblige me." I lied smoothly.

The fabrication that came out of my mouth was a shock to me. The story that I concocted was almost fucking believable.

I just hoped she took the bait.

"Which clients, Mr. McCarty?" she asked suspiciously.

_Same shit…_

It was obvious that she was testing me. It seemed my story wasn't completely believable—not to someone who has heard a thousand different sob stories.

"I can't disclose that, Mistress. I was sworn under secrecy. They said that if you knew that they told someone about you and if you found out, their punishment would be severe. So, you understand why I am bound? These men—your clients, are my colleagues, and I rather like them to be fully able to sit down without wincing," I answered arrogantly.

She chuckled softly. "Indeed, Mr. McCarty. So, what are your expectations tonight if am to break the rules for you?"

"My expectations?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, Mr. McCarty. Your limits. What sort of  _play_  do you enjoy? I need to know these things before I agree to take you on." Her tone was now stern.

_Fuck!_

Running over to my desk, I quickly located the piece of paper where I jotted down all the things I would possibly be interested in—CBT was definitely not one of them.

"Um, yes," I said as I started to read off my  _short_  list. "Ankle cuffs, blind folding, body worship,"  _Please, let me do that!_ "Bondage, caning, flogging, foot worship—"

"Wow, okay," she interrupted me, chuckling. "Are you into sensory play?"

"Yes," I breathed.

"Okay. I think I got a slight feel for what you like, and you said you wanted to get in tonight?"

"If possible," I answered, almost hypnotically.

"Well, how does eleven o'clock tonight sound?"

"It sounds good," I said excitedly.

_Calm the fuck down…_

"Okay, Mr. McCarty, I got you down for eleven tonight, and that's going to be three hundred and fifty dollars," she stated matter-of-factly.

My jaw dropped. "Three fifty?" I repeated.

"It's usually seventy-five an hour, but you wanted to skip past all the formalities and get in tonight. Did you think that it wasn't going to cost you?" she inquired.

"No, I understand. Do you take cash?"I asked, hopeful.

"Of course we do. Isn't that the American way?" Her voice was playful.

I chuckled. "That's what they say.  _Oh_  and just one more last thing while I have you, Mistress."

"You don't have me, Mr. McCarty, but I know what you meant, yes go ahead," she said in a bored and slightly annoyed voice.

"I am really into masks, do you mind if I wear one tonight for our session?" I asked tentatively.

_Please say yes…please._

"I think that's a brilliant idea. It keeps a mystery between us, and I think it'll serve as a pleasure intensifier," she said softly, but just as quick, she shifted gears, and was all business again. "Excellent. Well, I look forward to playing with you tonight, Mr. McCarty. Remember, I am doing you a favor and not the other way around, so I expect punctuality. Don't be late," she said warningly and the line disconnected.

_Jesus…_

The intense phone call had me spent, and I fell back on my bed. The assertiveness that she projected in that short conversation had me rock hard…

As I shifted to get up to take care of my growing erection, I leaned on the still sore skin where my fresh ink was, and I froze.

"Fuck!" I cursed, jumping up from the bed.

The Cullen tattoo I had on my ribcage was definitely a fucking hindrance, and I knew I couldn't waltz in there with it fully exposed. I mean, what would be the point of masking my face then?

There was only way to hopefully get by tonight and I had to cover it up…

Looking down at the discarded bandage from last night, I smiled. It wasn't fool proof, but it was a start. I just hoped things didn't get too crazy…

 _However_ , in the back of mind, I kind of hoped that they did.

Grabbing the bandage, I headed towards the shower, hoping to rid myself of this erection, and make it in time for my piano class.

May mind was a chaotic mess, and I hoped I could keep my head screwed on straight in front of my kids. The last thing I needed was their parent's to catch on to my deviant side, and take away one of the last things I treasured…

_God, maybe we all would be better off…_

The drive down to lower downtown this time at night was pretty fucking nice. The traffic was minimal and the weather was unusually warm. By the time I reached my destination, I smoked at least a dozen cigarettes and it did nothing to calm my nerves.

Parking my car in the small garage, I reached over to the passenger seat and put on my mask. The mistress,  _Bella_ , said that a mask was acceptable, and at this point it was like a security blanket.

The short distance from the car to the side of the building was enough for me to get in one last cigarette. It was my last attempt to stabilize myself, and by the way I was taking in rapid and deep drags, I knew it was fucking pointless.

I was just going to have to deal with the fact that I was fucking nervous and no intervention was going to change that.

Stopping outside the door, I fixed my mask, and put out my smoke.

_Here goes nothing…_

The first thing I noticed when I opened the heavy metal door and entered the agency was how much it looked like just a normal office—in fact, it looked fucking identical to my dentist's office.

It wasn't like how I'd imagined it because instead of being cold and dreary like typical dungeons, this room in contrast had a homey and comforting feel to it.

The plush tan carpeting complimented the black leather sofas, which were pushed up against the far eastern wall, and on the adjacent wall was a fifty inch LCD flat screen TV, and my jaw nearly dropped. I mean, holy shit was the set up fucking nice. It was like a man's wet dream, and I felt my uneasiness start to finally dissipate.

Looking around the room, I noticed that there was a girl to my left, and she was sitting behind a large mahogany desk. She was completely oblivious to my presence, and her eyes remained completely fixated on that kickass flat screen of theirs, chewing the shit out of her pen.

The girl had to be, if I was to guess, in her early twenties. Her dark black hair was pulled back securely into a tight bun, and her square framed glasses seemed to flatter her delicate features. As I watched her intently, fascinated by her, I noticed that she was wearing pajamas, and I was a little thrown off by her choice in attire. It was like everything else in this office screamed out professionalism, except for the Mickey Mouse pajamas that she was sporting.

Well, I couldn't really blame her for choosing comfort. It was eleven o'clock at night, and they  _were_ staying open for the wealthy John, who threw money at them just to get that last minute session—that John being me.

As I moved to head towards her desk, my body that had been the door jam was no longer supporting the door, and suddenly the door was slamming behind me, causing a loud bang.

The girl quickly shot her gaze to me…I fucking froze.

The expression on her face went from being startled by the boom of the door to one filled with confusion as she roamed her eyes over my face—my masked face.

_Ah shit, that's right…_

Okay, so I showed up to a Dominatrix session wearing a fucking Jabbawockeez mask, but I was stuck for time, and I didn't know what the chances were of seeing Bella—Mistress Marie before our session.

I couldn't afford her knowing beforehand.

"Hi, I am here for my eleven o'clock session with Mistress Marie," I said as I approached the desk.

The young girl narrowed her eyes at me and pointed to my mask, "You know, the mistress will never allow you to wear that in her dungeon. But if secrecy is something that you feel is important, we have plenty of masks in the playroom that will be provided for you," she paused, leaning forward, and looking somewhat hesitant. "This is your first time, isn't it?"

Glancing around the room, I saw that we were alone, but I still didn't know if Mistress Marie would walk out and catch me unprepared.

"Um," I stuttered.

"Don't worry, sir. The mistress is preparing for your session and it's unlikely you will see her before then. So, the mask right now is not necessary," the young girl said reassuringly.

"Okay," I replied as I pulled the mask off my face, placing it on the desk.

My hair was matted to my forehead and I took my hand, running my fingers through it quickly. When I looked back at the girl, I saw that her eyes were wide like fucking saucers, and a deep cherry color blush engulfed her cheeks. The moment I caught her gawking, she hurriedly averted her eyes away from me. She grabbed a stack of papers from a folder to feign nonchalance; all the while I was watching her with mild curiosity.

It was the same look I often got from women in the past, but this time was different, and that caught me by surprise because for some reason I felt... _insecure_.

"All I need from you is to look over these consent forms. Once you're done, you will need to sign and date them at the bottom. Also, I'll have to see a picture ID," she said almost robotically as she shifted gears on me, now going over all the formalities.

_Shit, shit, shit!_

My plan was crumbling before my eyes and I knew I was fucked. How in the fuck did I ever think I could just waltz in here without giving them my real name? It was a flat out wishful thinking on my part, because the bottom line was that this place was a business. A fully legal and legitimate business, and of course they were going operate like any other company. It wasn't like I was in a seedy place that needed to be hidden.

The fact that I was so naïve about the situation was embarrassing…obviously I wasn't as bright as I thought.

I needed to find a way out of this…

"What was your name, miss?" I asked, trying hard to sound charming.

"Angela," she answered brightly.

"Angela," I hummed. "That's a beautiful name."

"Thanks."

 _Where are you going with this, Cullen?_ My inner-asshole asked me skeptically.

"I got a quick question about these consent forms. Now, who  _exactly_ will be looking over these? Like I said, my identity needs to be kept a secret from—"

"All due respect, sir, but I know you're full of shit. The only person you care to keep your identity from is the mistress herself—which, I completely understand, but let's cut the shit, okay? I know by just looking at you that you're not some rich and successful business man, and if I would've allowed you to go into the playroom with that stupid Jabbawockeez mask, well, the mistress would've caught on, as well," she said with an unwavering confidence.

My jaw fell slack as Angela laid it out for me. There was no way to deny it now, and I felt myself reaching into my pocket to pull out my driver's license. My name was out there, and if by some fucking miracle I managed to make it into the playroom tonight, I knew that it would be my last time.

So, here's to making it count.

"Well, nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen," Angela said as she read my driver's license. She looked up at me and smiled encouragingly. "I assure you that all your information will remain confidential, but I would advise you to come clean with the mistress. If she catches you in a lie, well, the punishment will be severe," Angela spoke with a sense of foreboding.

"Thanks, Angela. I will keep that in mind," I said as I grabbed back my license from her.

She pushed the consent forms towards me, and I quickly filled them out. It was already eleven fifteen, and I was anxious to get the show on the road. Angela took the forms and stamped them quickly, and placing them off to the side. The whole process took less than twenty seconds, and I felt my stomach start to tighten.

_Why am I so nervous?_

Angela turned her gaze back to me with obvious amusement written all over her face, and I cocked my eyebrow at her questioningly.

She smirked slightly. "I see that you and the mistress have decided on a firm price of three hundred and fifty dollars?"

The price was fucking steep, and I knew that Mistress Marie charged me as much as she could, and I didn't blame her. I was the one who was so urgent, and wanted to break all her protocols, but to see Angela so tickled pink about it made me a tad bitter.

"I see by the smile on your face that the mistress has swindled me," I stated dryly, handing her four hundred dollar bills.

She shrugged. "I wouldn't say swindled, exactly."

"Right," I chuckled.

The silence between us loomed as she checked all the hundreds with a fraudulent pen, and once she confirmed that I didn't make them, she started to hand me back my change. It was a last minute decision on my part, but I felt it was the only way I was going to get an hour alone with Mistress Marie—hopefully Bella.

"Keep the change," I said, gently pushing it back towards her.

She held the crisp bill between her fingers as she looked up at me questioningly, "What's the catch?"

"Wow! Nothing gets by you," I said, amazed.

She rolled her eyes, "Listen, you're not the first John who's pulled this shit before. It's always the same. Either they want more time or they want me to keep my mouth shut. So…what do you want?"

"Option two," I answered hesitantly.

"Okay," she replied with a smile as shoved he bill in her breast pocket. She stood up from her chair and snagged my Jabbawockeez mask. "Just so you know, I am keeping this." I nodded, smiling slightly. "Now, you're going to want to go down the hall on your left, and the playroom is going to be the third door on your right. When you get there, you're to strip down to the bare essentials, and from there you're to get into the submissive position," she eyed me curiously. "Do you even know what that is?"

I shook my head slowly.

"Jesus," she cursed as she threw up her hands and walked around the desk. "Now, pay close attention," Angela instructed as she got on her knees. "You're going to want to get on your knees like so, and then you're going to put your hands beside your thighs. Are you with me, Romeo?"

"Yeah," I croaked.

"Good. Now, the next thing you do, and this is  _crucial_ , is that you're going to lower your head, and you keep that fucking head down at all times," she said in a low tone as she lowered her head, her eyes fixated on the plush carpet beneath her.

As I watched her intently, making sure I got the submissive position down, I started to wonder what the fuck I was getting myself into. Even though I spent the entire afternoon researching the subject, I still felt unprepared.

_Could I actually do this?_

"Now, if the mistress doesn't address you, and you look up," she looked up at me to emphasize her meaning. "Well, you might as well kiss your membership goodbye, because Mistress Marie don't play that…got it?"

"I got it," I muttered quietly.

Angela smiled as she waved her hand at me dismissively. "Good. Now, what are you waiting for, Casanova? Your Mistress awaits."

Taking that as my cue, I gave her one last look of uncertainty as I walked towards the arched doorway, to which she just nodded at me encouragingly.

It did little to calm my nerves….

The hallway leading to the playroom was long, and dark with deep burgundy color. There were black and white pictures of men dressed as women, some were in bondage, and  _most_  of the pictures had a dominatrix hovering over the men with a…I think they call it a  _flogger_?

Well, whatever it was, it was starting to intimidate me, and I almost turned around, but my curiosity was stronger.

When I finally reached the third door on the right, my body immediately went tense. The anticipation of what laid behind that door had my heart pounding, and the excitement of not knowing what to expect had fueled me.

Taking a deep and calming breath, I twisted the knob, and slowly opened the door.

The room was painted the same deep burgundy, but the floor was no longer shag carpeting, but instead solid concrete painted over with a glossy paint. The thought of getting down on my knees on that hard surface wasn't appealing, but I had to suck it up.

I had to keep reminding myself that there was a reason for all of this.

Stepping further into the small room, I noticed that on the wall to my left was a rack hanging up, filled with whips, floggers, and crops—which I was fucking proud of myself for knowing.

It seemed like a good five hours on the internet paid off, and I didn't come into this completely blind.

For some unexplainable reason the whips had my interest piqued, and I found myself fantasizing about Mistress Marie using them on me, and it wasn't until I was right up on them that I came back to my senses.

Glancing around the room, I was confused by half the stuff I saw. In one corner of the room was this swing like contraption, and I wondered what that thing would be used for. Close by the swing was this apparatus that reminded me of medieval times. It looked as though a person was supposed to put their hands and head into.

I mean, I guess I could see why a Dominatrix would have that device there, it leaves the submissive bent over and exposed…

I made a mental note to stay away from that.

 _However,_ there was a black leather bench that stood out to me. It had straps to tie a person down by their thighs and waist. The excitement that flittered through me as I imagined being strapped down to that was surprising, but I didn't want to think too much into it…

After all, I am not here because I was into this sort of thing…right?

I caught a quick glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors, and I knew I didn't have much time. I'd already been in this room for a good two minutes, and I didn't want to be caught unprepared.

So, moving my ass, I started to search around the room for the masks that Angela was talking about. I saw that there was a black wooden armoire against the wall. The door was slightly opened, and as I looked inside, there in all the leather glory were the masks.

Sighing with relief, I reached out and grabbed one. It didn't matter which one at this point, just as long as it covered my face.

As I went to go put it on, I got a better look at it, and I was fucking disturbed. It was a leather mask that those weird perverts wear. It had a zipper for a mouth, and the eye holes were so fucking small, I doubt I would be see out of those suckers,  _but_  as much as I was opposed to it, I knew I had no choice.

 _I feel like such a freak right now…_ I thought bitterly.

Begrudgingly, I put the leather mask on, making sure it was securely on my face. The smell was slightly arousing to me…

_Shit! Am I seriously enjoying this?_

My mind was so disjointed as I hurried up and dressed down to my boxer briefs, the air hit me, and I felt myself shiver from the sudden coldness. Glancing down to my side, I rubbed my hand flat against my mocked bandage I placed over my Cullen tattoo, making sure that it was secure, and that the tape wasn't going to peel off anytime soon.

The last thing I fucking needed was that piece of shit tape to lose its adhesive and expose me to the mistress in the middle of our session, and finally outing me as a liar.

Taking one last deep breath, I bent down on my knees and assumed the position that Angela taught me. My hands were now shaking uncontrollably, and I was thankful to be able to place them on the cold, hard concrete. It kept me steady as I lowered my head and waited for the mistress to make her appearance.

It seemed like forever, and I knew it was more likely like two minutes, but the door finally creaked open. It was such a rush to have only my hearing to decipher what the mistress was doing because I saw nothing, but heard the soft clacking of her heels on the floor.

Breathing heavily now, I stared at the ground, nervous as all hell, and waiting for  _something—_ her, me…I didn't know.

It wasn't until I saw the shiny black tips of her boots—that was when I knew it was all real. The moment had finally come. After all the weeks I'd obsessed and basically stalked her, I was finally here with her, and she still had no idea who I really was…

"Good evening,  _Pig!_ "


	10. Play With Me

**Chapter Nine**

**~Play with Me~**

"Evening, Mistress," I replied hoarsely, still keeping my gaze down.

The mask covered my face completely, making it hard for me to fucking hear anything, but I  _still_  listened as closely as I could just so I could hear her breathe. It was twisted and I knew that, but it was the little luxury I was able to allot myself because, well…I was sort of fucking helpless.

I mean, there I was, on my knees just waiting for her to do  _something_ …

The sheer torture of her presence was what made it  _hard_  for me. I had a difficult time trying to keep my cock down, let alone having to remember exactly what was expected of me in this unfamiliar situation.

The rules of the dungeon were simple: Don't look up unless you are told to. Angela was very clear on those terms and she warned me that the consequences of such an action would be severe.

A part of me wanted to test those waters, just to see how far I could push Bella...

The war that raged inside my head over proper etiquette of the dungeonhad  _almost_  overshadowed my fucking fantasies, because as much as I wanted to break all the rules and suffer the consequences, I was constantly getting distracted by her breathing…

_In and out…In and out..._

It was erotic and melodic.

It was like if we were to have passionate sex on my piano…

_Fuck me…_

The image of her splayed across my baby grand was so fucking enticing that I had to nearly knock that shit out of my head…It was just everything about Bella was so fucking sensual.

Even her soft breathing was drawing me to her like a magnet. My entire focus was now solely on the inhale and exhales of my mistress, and I imagined those perfect breasts of hers, the very same ones that I'd concocted in my dreams, heaving up and down in a steady motion.

It drove me to the point of insanity…

The crazy part in all of this was that Bella had no fucking idea how badly I had it for her. She didn't realize the affect she had over me. How just being in her presence infected all my senses, screwing me up royally. The very thought of her consumed me, controlled my actions, and drove me to go such ridiculous lengths. I mean, I've done some really desperate and obsessive shit— _just_ so I could get close to her.

She was the only woman I would ever allow to control me this way. Because of the pull she had over me, I found myself on my knees, wearing some leather face, looking like some fucking pervert, and waiting for her to dominate me…

 _You're a sick, sick man, Cullen,_  my inner voice reminded me.

"Don't talk to me you filthy swine! If I want to hear your pathetic voice, I will tell you when to speak! Only my voice will be permitted in this dungeon. You got that, Slave? " she hissed, slapping me hard on my shoulders with her flogger.

Even though she asked me a direct question, I felt it was safer for me to remain silent—which might have been the wrong decision because without warning, Bella slapped me hard on the back with the flogger, making a loud snapping noise.

"Speak, Slave!" she spat.

"Yes, Mistress," I gasped as the stinging sensation of the whip reverberated through my skin.

"Mmm, that's better," she said in a cooing tone. "You're such a well behaved slave."

The  _need_  to look up at her to see her face was getting intense, and I fought hard against it.

The worst part about this whole situation was that Bella was a goddamned vixen. One minute she would be she asserting herself in a dominating manner, awakening some buried unknown curiosity deep within me that I had no idea even existed, and then in the next second, she would be igniting my sensitive skin with sensory overload, stroking my bare back with her merciless toy.

My breathing increased as the soft and agonizing feel of the velvety fringe of her leather whip grazed me slowly, moving its way up and down my exposed back in a tortuous progression. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before, and I found myself questioning why my body seemed to respond to her little maneuvers. They were violent, they were abrupt, and yet they made me feel something I'd never experienced before. It was like every time she struck me, whether it was soft or light, had my insides sparking.

The dungeon no longer seemed like a crazy notion to me, but instead made me… _excited_.

The thrill in my veins over this new found insight sent shivers down my spine and made me flinch…

The tightening of my muscles was slight and barely visible, but the abrupt halt of Bella's ministrations along my taut back told me that she'd seen my hesitance.

A strong surge of panic coursed through my veins, suddenly filling me with doubt…

_Ah shit, I fucked up…_

There was silence for a long time, and I felt that urge again to look up and see what she was doing, but I refrained. Bella's warning was still fresh in the forefront in my mind, and I didn't want to do anything to end the session or piss her off any further. Things were finally starting to progress, and it didn't matter to me that she was only touching me with her whip— _Bella_  was fucking touching me!

"I know what you need," I heard Bella say faintly, but I was so busy mourning the loss of her touch to notice that she had said anything to me.

I knew that she'd said something, but I was focused on keeping my head down and mouth closed, fighting every urge I had in me to look at her. I didn't noticed that she was squatting down in front of me, looking at me with my head bent, gaze averted, focused on the ground.

It was only when I saw a flash of pale skin that I chanced a glance up from the floor, minding to keep my head lowered as my eyes traveled in front of me. I saw her crouched there, my line of vision only able to see the tops of her knees without moving my head up. But a small patch of Bella's inner thigh was completely bare and within my eye range.

It was like the pearly gates of heaven opened and I saw God.

The sudden appearance of that creamy alabaster skin had my body reacting, causing my tongue to thrust out of my mouth. Instead of wetting my lips, however, my taste buds touched against the back of the zipper that served as the macabre mouth of the fucking mask I was wearing. The taste of the metal was unpleasant, but it would have to be sufficient because as much as I wanted to push against these invisible constraints and drag my tongue along that thigh of hers…I knew my place.

I was completely under her control…she owned me.

My head was still cast downward as she lifted her toy up to my face, and dragging it along my jaw.

"Hmm, why are we hiding slave?" she asked softly as she dangled the purple leather straps of her flogger in front of me.

It was almost as if she was showing me her weapon—allowing me to see what she was using to torment me.

_Get off it, Cullen. No one is torturing you!_

For once, I had to agree with my inner ramblings because I wasn't being tortured. In fact, I was being excited…aroused even.

She used the tips of her flogger to caress the side of my face again, and as much she tried to distract me, my eyes kept flickering back to that creamy thigh of hers…it was mere inches from my mouth, and right there for the taking, but I couldn't touch her.

I wasn't allowed to taste her…

It was all so fucking aggravating because I knew what she was doing… _She's teasing me._

This was all a game to her. She enjoyed watching me fidget, and I was one hundred percent positive that she wanted to see if I could contain myself. She was  _trying_  to force me to crack...

My fingers were striving to dig themselves into the concrete. The self-control I was using to stop myself from reaching out and touching her was starting to rise into Herculean proportions, and I didn't know how much longer I would be able to take it.

_How did her clients do this with her day in and day out?_

"Look at me," she snapped.

The sudden fierceness in her voice had caught my attention, and as I started to raise my head slowly, I decided that I deserved a little penance for my sacrifice.

So, I took in the view…

The boots that she was wore for tonight's occasion came up to her knees, which was just unbelievably sexy. She was wearing fishnet tights that came up to her mid-thigh, connecting to a garter belt. The way she looked had my head spinning with images and feelings, some good and many more a whole lot of naughty. My brain was on overload, bombarded with all kinds of heavenly kinkiness induced by her chosen outfit for the evening, and I hadn't even gotten past her gorgeous legs…

My tongue had other ideas, though, as it darted out of my mouth, only to be met with that fucking zipper taste again.

As my eyes continued to travel further up her body, I saw that she was wearing a short skirt, pairing it with a black leather corset that cinched at the waist, causing her perfect breasts to be pushed up so far that they almost touched the bottom of her chin…

It was  _glorious_ and I was fucking salivating.

Truth be told, I might have lingered on her breasts a lot longer than deemed necessary, but they were too good to pass up, and who knew if I would be able to see those beautiful breasts again.

As much as I didn't want to, I knew I needed to move on from her magnificent chest. There was so much more eye candy to explore and I was on borrowed time.

_I had barely gotten started…_

Holding my breath, my eyes continued to roam over her silken flesh. Hungrily, I traveled my sights all the way along her protruding collar bone, up her long and sleek neck, and finally resting on her breathtaking face.

Her full lips were pressed into a tight line as she stared at me impassively. Her lips were a deep, rich red color, and it did something to me.

Everything about her tonight was foreign and starkly different from how I knew her.

The tiny details were now popping out at me as I stared at her. It wasn't just her lips, but her hair seemed to be a darker hue somehow, and even in this dimly lit room I noticed there was a slight flush in her cheeks.

Fuck, what killed me the most was the mysterious intensity that sparkled in her stunning brown eyes.

The combination of everything was my undoing because as much as I tried to keep it at bay, my dick was rock hard, and looking for action…

 _Fucker is going to ruin everything!_ I thought angrily.

Sex wasn't an option in a place like this, but what about boners? Were hard-on's acceptable? I mean, were subs allowed to get turned on? What was the protocol for this type of situation, and why hadn't Angela, of all people, given me a pamphlet on it or  _something_?

There had to be some reading material on the dos and don'ts when confronted with a smoking hot Dominatrix…

However, none of that seemed to matter because Bella was looking at me with an expression I couldn't place. It was very animalistic, fierce, and so amazingly hot.

Bella leaned in close to me, fanning the distinct scent of peppermint across my face, "You've been a bad boy, and you need me punish you thoroughly."

_Um…Fuck yeah I have, and yes, I fucking do!_

How the hell was I suppose to keep my cool now? How the  _fuck_  was I going to respond without sounding like an epic pussy?

Was that even possible anymore?

So, I played it safe and just nodded as an answer. It was the best I could do because I was fucking spellbound. The words of her innuendo left me on edge, and I knew it was only a matter of time…I was going to pull a Jim from American Pie and nut in my Joe boxers.

"Get off your knees," Bella barked.

As I tried lifting myself off the floor, my knees were now shot because of being on that hard concrete for so long, and as I wobbled to get up, I lost my balance. Instinctively, I reached up and gripped Bella by the hips to brace myself…

Big. Fucking. Mistake.

She brushed her hands off me roughly, and stepping away from me, nearly causing me to face plant on the floor. Luckily my reflexes were quick and I was able to catch myself before I bit it.

Glancing up at her, I saw that she was  _pissed_. She was standing stiffly against the wall, clutching her flogger, and I just knew I really fucked up this time.

"I'm sorry, Mistress." The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

Cursing myself for fucking up twice in a row, I knew nothing good was going to come from my gaffes.

The rules were simple, no speaking or touching unless the Domme gave you permission to do so. It was an honest mistake on my part, but errors in this place came with consequences.

She kept her stern gaze on me and I felt myself fidget under her stare. She was very intimidating and I didn't know what else to do. It was the first time a woman other than my own mother made squirm like this. Perhaps I felt so tremulous because I was expected to be so…

Was that the whole point of the Domme/sub relationship?

Shit, I was so fucking wet behind the ears.

It didn't matter how much time I had spent researching BDSM on the internet, I was still a novice. There was no way for me to know how to respond when I broke the rules or what to say to fix the situation. It was all on Bella to lead me…to show me—which, she did.

Bella took one step towards me so quickly that I barely even saw her do it. The next thing I knew, she was placing her right foot on my left shoulder, pushing her heel into me with such force that it caused me to fall back on the flat and cold concrete as she hovered over me smirking.

_God, she's so fucking beautiful…_

"You are a worthless excuse for a man. You are never,  _ever_ to touch me! I did not give you permission to lay your filthy paws all over me, did I?" she asked angrily as she dug her heel into me, whipping me with her flogger anywhere she could. "I  _was_ going to let your first indiscretion slide, but it's clear to me that there is only one way you will learn, Mongrel."

She stood over me as I stared up at her in full adoration. Nodding quickly, I made sure that she knew I understood, but all the while thinking about how I couldn't dispel this feeling in my gut…

"Do you know what that means, you disgusting pig?" she asked as she glared at me.

When she said those words to me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The feeling I had, the nagging thing in my gut became clearer because I realized that there was something missing from her threats that she spat at me.

The words were there. The tone was right. The one thing that told me differently was her eyes. Even though I knew this was all a game and it was her job, I almost assumed that she would get into the role playing more.

It was clear that she wanted me to fear her, and I did,  _partly_ , but my fear wasn't because I thought she would actually hurt me. I mean, I don't want to sound chauvinistic or anything, but I was a guy. How much pain could she actually inflict?

It didn't fucking matter if she flogged me until she was blue, I would handle it.

What I feared was  _her_ , and the way she made me feel all the time. How in one month she had entered my life and turned it upside down. All those fucking excuses I made didn't mean shit because I knew without a doubt that she owned me from day fucking one. The way she stamped her name on me was so obvious, and it was more than I wanted to realize at times, but I couldn't deny it anymore.

_I desire the fire in My Mistress' eyes…_

It was definitely borderline crazy and I was way in over my head  _way_  too soon, but it still didn't make my feelings any less true.

"Now, get up, Slave. I have plans for you," she said, digging her heel into my shoulder one last time before releasing me.

Without hesitation, I rose to my feet, this time making sure my hands were nowhere near her. Bella didn't move one inch away from me because she knew as well as I did that I wasn't going touch her. It killed me to be so restricted, but I was determined to see this night through.

"Move," Bella instructed as she slapped her flogger hard against my chest resulting in a strong stinging sensation, causing me to grimace slightly.

The pain wasn't bad, but more of a turn on. It was the feeling I craved. It was like the sting of getting a tattoo; it was therapeutic on that kind of level. Even the sheer ruthlessness in her eyes as she pressed me backwards with her toy was indescribable. It was like my mind and my body were all attuned to her somehow.

 _Everything_ on me was a sensory receptor, and it made me feel like my entire being was on fire.

Bella was the catalyst. She became the flames that were licking and engulfing me.

"I'm going to teach you something about manners, Slave!" she said as she shoved me backwards.

My eyes never strayed from hers as I studied her face closely. She was such a marvel to look at, and so fucking distracting. It was why I never saw it coming, or had no clue what was happening until I was right up on it.

She had led me all the way to a large metal X that stood in one of the far corners of the playroom. Taking a quick glance, I noticed that it was some sort of binding device, and I was pretty fucking positive that I was going to be tied up to it really damn soon…

It seemed Bella was very direct and pointed with her intentions with me. She was like a bulldozer, pushing me, never allowing me a chance to get my bearings, and  _even_  causing me to stumble over my own big, clumsy feet a few times.

The smile that graced her face as I tripped was very striking, and I didn't care if the smile was at my expense; it was still nice to see.

Fuck it, I even smiled in return.

Thankfully, the mask was hiding my cheesy grin—In fact; the mask was shaping out to be a blessing for me on multiple levels. Not only did it hide my identity, but it also concealed my reactions to her.

There was no way that I could've disguised my feelings of fucking elation from her—it would've been damn near impossible.

Finally, I was stopped in my tracks as something sharp stabbed me in my back. It was very painful and I wanted to move away from it, but Bella kept me firmly there as she laid her body against mine.

"Now, listen very closely, Slave," Bella whispered as the heat of her body penetrated me.

The feel of her was identical to the heat I'd felt in my dreams, and that simple reminder made my cock twitch in response.

_Seriously, if I wake up from this…I am going to be pissed._

"Well, it seems like parts of you are very excited to see what I have in store for you," Bella said, smirking at me as she removed herself from my needy flesh.

She was within my full view now, and my jaw literally dropped to the damn floor.

 _She's stunning,_  I mused appreciatively.

It was true, I'd seen many beautiful women in my time, but there was  _something_ special about Bella. Her body was lean like as dancer, topped off with fucking amazing breasts…I mean, it was all I could think about.

"Now, turn around, Slave, and put your arms and your legs inside the rope loops," Bella commanded, gesturing her flogger towards me.

Nodding with compliance, I turned around, inserting both my arms and feet into the black ropes. They were very thin ropes, somewhat like the string you would see in shoes, and I almost laughed out loud at the ludicrousness of it all.

_How the hell does she expect these puny ropes to hold me?_

Once I was situated—arms above my head and legs spread-eagled—Bella came around to tighten the ropes. The fragrance that emanated off her skin _almost_ distracted me from the tautness of the ropes, and how they burned against my skin…

_Shit…I didn't expect that!_

"Now, that's a good little boy," she cooed into my ear.

Completely under her control, I wanted to relax, but found it hard to do. Even though this was role playing of sorts was just a game, I was still unclear what exactly to expect. The pain excited me, but it was the unknown that had me nervous…

Bella came around to the back of the contraption where I was facing and started to push me towards the middle of the room. The large device that I was bound to had wheels on it, making me mobile. As soon as I was centered in the heart of the room, Bella smiled deviously, and walked back around towards my backside, officially out of my view.

"You're in good shape, Slave. That's good. It means you might be able to handle my whips and paddles," Bella said, fucking coming out of nowhere and breathing softly on my neck.

She placed her delicious body flush against my back, rubbing her soft hands along my ribcage and hips, brushing her hands over my bandage, and causing me to flinch. She was dangerously close to my tattoo and I couldn't help but panic every fucking time she grazed it.

" _But_  you're slightly overdressed," she said as she stuck her finger in my boxers elastic waistband, pulling the waistband towards her and then snapping it back into place.

My mind was trying to figure out what exactly she meant about me being 'overdressed', but as I listened to her heels click and clack along the floor, it wasn't hard to figure out what her intentions were, especially when she returned and I felt the cold metal of scissors knifes cutting along my boxer briefs…

Two seconds later, I was naked and helpless. Bella had officially made me fucking vulnerable as all hell, and my once erect penis was now nearly flaccid because I was overcome with anxiety.

Now, it all made sense to me, and I realized how men could control their raging hard-ons; being this exposed had its way of making a cock want to crawl up inside and hide…or maybe it was just mine.

"There," Bella said as she slapped my bare ass hard with her flogger. "Now, all I need is a different toy."

Leaving me alone, naked, and anxious, I listened as she walked across the room to towards, I could only assume, her wall of whips. I heard her go through her collection, trying them all out by making loud whipping noises.

Shit was starting to get serious, and my nervousness increased even more…

"You've been a rude and crude, Slave, and as your mistress, I am obligated to punish you," she stated in a calm tone as she walked back towards me.

My body tensed as I waited for the first blow…Bella didn't disappoint.

_Thwack!_

The harsh sting on my ass was insane, and I felt my fingers clench in response. The loud grunting that came from me only seemed to increase her intensity with blow after blow landed resolutely onto my burning flesh; I was hit relentlessly on my bottom.

"I love the way your skin turns cherry for me, Slave," Bella taunted as she hit me again.

_Thwack!_

"Ugh," I moaned loudly.

Bella placed her hand on my left ass cheek, and the coolness of her small hands made my skin feel better. She pressed her soft body up against mine as I panted heavily; thrill rushing through my veins at a dramatic rate.

"You like when I punish you, don't you, Slave?" she asked.

I nodded fervently because I did. It was the weirdest thing to enjoy the pain of being paddled by a woman, but I did. The way she knew exactly how to inflict just the right amount of pain on me was almost cathartic, and it wasn't long before little Eddie came out of hiding and sprang back to life.

I hissed softly, but Bella heard me as she stepped away from me, circling around to my front. She glanced down briefly before looking back up at me with a slight smirk.

"Do you want more, Slave?" The tone in her voice was oozing sex, and as she placed her hand on my chest, I knew something was about to happen…I just hoped it wasn't me exploding spunk all over her…

_How fucking embarrassing._

The perspiration that wept out of my pores as a result of her efforts fucking havoc inducing because the more she paddled me, touched me, and excited me, the more I sweated—which soaked into the tape that was keeping my bandage on my ribcage intact. It was only a matter of time before the tape lost its entire adhesive all together…

_Shit…_

All it needed to do was last another thirty minutes, and I would be in the clear.

However, I didn't feel so lucky…

_Thwack!_

Sometime in the last two minutes, Bella had changed from the flat paddle to what felt like another fucking flogger. I remembered seeing several floggers on her wall earlier, and I briefly wondered how those would feel. Now that one of her toys was making deeper welts on my ass, I knew the answer to that question.

_Bloody fucking fantastic!_

"You're strong, Slave," Bella mused as she hit me even harder. "I didn't think being a novice that you would be able to handle all this without saying the safe word at least once."

"Safe word?" I asked loudly before I was hit again, but the hit never came...clearly.

Bella circled around me with a concerned look on her face, "Angela told you about the safe words, right?"

I shook my head.

Bella's eyes opened widely as she processed this information. A look of panic and trepidation overwhelmed her flawless features.

"I'll be right back," she said quickly as she walked away from me.

The next thing I heard was the opening and closing of the door to the playroom. Once I was alone, I felt the tension in my body disappear, and I allowed myself to hang slack.

My mind went over everything that just happened, and even though my ass was now numb from the constant beating that I got from my mistress, I had come to some insane conclusions.

I fucking loved it!

Everything about the experience had excited me. The pain, the humiliation, the way Bella spoke down to me—all of it. I wanted more and I wanted Bella to deliver it…

Five minutes later, I heard the door open and close, and my muscles tightened back up. The sheer pleasure I was waiting for was back, and I wondered what kind of toy she was going to use on me now.

Suddenly, I was being spun around in the contraption, and facing a bemused looking Bella.

"Who are you?" she asked softly as she traced her cane across my chest.

_Ah shit…_

"Nobody, Mistress," I replied in a deep tone.

It was probably fruitless to try to disguise my voice now, but there still was small chances that she didn't already fucking know who I was— _which_  I doubted.

"Nobody?" she asked skeptically, chuckling softly.

Nodding in response, Bella placed her hand on my hip, making circular motions with her thumb. The sensation made my heart skip a beat or two; my hips followed suit, lunging towards her, and I cursed myself. It was in no way going to lead to sex, but I still fucking tried pressing my cock all over her. It was like my dick sensed that she was near, and since he hasn't had the company of a woman's warm center in the better part of four weeks…I could understand his aggressive behavior.

_Fuck, I need to stop referring to my cock as a person!_

Bella tilted her head to the side, her eyes were examining my bandage, and I knew this wasn't going to end well for me.

"What do we have here?" she inquired suspiciously.

Looking down as much as I could, I saw that the sweat had completely rendered the tape useless, and now the bandage was just barely hanging on, and exposing the top half of my tattoo.

 _Fuck! Shit! Mother Fucker!_ I cursed inwardly.

Her fingers traced along the apex of my tattoo very softly. The feel of her skin against mine was overwhelming, but I wanted her to move on from that spot, and away from my identity.

She looked up at me with mocked concern, "Do you have a boo-boo?"

But before I could answer, her fingers were gripping the top of the useless bandage, and slowly I felt the bottom tape being pulled away from my skin, and I panicked. "Bella, no!"

Bella ripped the bandage the rest of the way and officially from my body in one swift motion, and throwing it to the floor. I watched in horror as her eyes roamed over my tattoo with a look of such distaste; it was something I couldn't explain.

She looked up at me with an icy glare, " _Cullen_?"

It was clear from her reaction that it wasn't going to go well for me, and I feared for my junk. I was tied up and unable to guard my loins…

_Please…please leave the boys alone._

"Let me explain," I started.

" _Cullen_?" she repeated in a low and furious tone.

With such fury and hatred, Bella reached up and yanked my mask off my head, exposing me. She gripped the mask tightly in her hand as she waited for me to say something, but I was at a loss for words.

"What are you doing here, Edward?"

_Houston…I think we have a problem._


	11. Revelations

**Chapter Ten**

**~Revelations~**

Bella stared at me with an unforgiving glare, waiting for my reply, but I was at a loss for words. What in the hell was I supposed to say? It wasn't like I could pretend as if I didn't know who she was, nor could I just feign innocence by acting like being tied up, naked in her Dungeon was just an honest mistake.

It was obvious that I'd been caught with my pants down, and it was up to me to come up with a proper defense.

Because there were several ways I could play this, and I was debating on whether it was wise to tell her the truth or just flat out lie to her _._ As my mind pondered the outcome of my decision, I felt the veracity lurking raw in my throat, gnawing and scratching its way toward my mouth like some caged animal, but it provided me with my answer, and I knew that I needed to stay firm…I had to lie at all cost.

The rationale behind my obvious obsession with her didn't seem to matter at that moment. All I knew was that it wasn't going to help the situation. If anything, it would probably freak her out and make things worse.

There just wasn't a logical way to explain to Bella how she affected me without sounding like a loon. She didn't know how much power she had over me or how my every waking moment was spent thinking about her, and how her image seeped its way into my dreams on a nightly basis, where I could visualize her slender form writhing underneath me in ecstasy as I fucked her senseless; how that nocturnal flight of my imagination had me swearing off sex with anyone else because I was convinced that no woman would compare to her…

Yeah, that shit would  _not_  fly, and I probably would end up leaving in a police cruiser instead.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" Bella asked again in a low, unyielding tone.

The rapid pounding of my heart against my chest increased every second as I scrambled to come up with a decent lie—Then as I stared at her blankly, I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment wash over me.

There she was, the woman I'd been pinning for—the same woman who wouldn't give me the time of day—standing in front of me wearing nothing but leather knee-high boot and a tighter-than-all-Hell corset. To further torture me, she topped it off with a skirt so short that it barely left any room for the imagination, and looking like a fucking sex goddess…

All of it was for me.

That was when I realized that I fucking had her. Somehow, I had managed to sneak my way into Bella's dungeon, expose this hidden side of her, and catch her with her guard down.

For once, I had the upper hand…

It seemed that all my plotting and scheming had leaded me to this exact moment in time. It didn't matter that Bella was fucking pissed or that she felt betrayed by me. Even thought I had somehow crossed the line with her, all I could focus on was that…

"I won," I said, in fucking amazement.

"What?" she asked, confused.

It was  _me_  who had actually held up their side of the bargain. All the countless times I'd told her that I was going to be persistent and that I would never give up, she never believed me. She even went as far as to raising the stakes, challenging me. She gloated, informing me that I would be the one who'd called it quits first, resigning in defeat before she would agree to go on one date with me.

Well, I considered this little session of ours a first date, and so, in a sense…

"I won," I said confidently, a slight smirk spreading across my face.

She blinked a couple times, seemingly shocked by what came out of my mouth, and unsure of how to respond to it. I saw it plain as day on her face. It was like she expected me to plead with her, to show her my submissive side, but she got the cocky asshole instead. The Edward I'd been searching for so long for had finally resurfaced, and I thanked God for that because deep down in the far reaches of my subconscious, I knew she owned me.

In fact, this Edward that I was displaying so grandly at the moment was probably just temporary. I knew he'd cower back into his hole, deep within the recesses of my pussy-whipped brain, but she didn't need to know that.

All Bella needed to know was that I was the victor and she was the one who cracked first.

"That's it?" Bella spat incredulously. "All you have to say for yourself is that you  _won_?"

"Pretty much," I answered with my new-found cockiness. "Hey, you said that I would give up before you and I didn't. So, therefore, I win."

"Sneaking here under false pretenses does not constitute as a win,  _Edward_ ," she sternly replied.

The ropes were starting to dig into my skin, and I had to force myself not to struggle against them. It didn't escape my attention that I was still naked as the day I was born, and it fucking sucked that I was under such a disadvantage—Bella still had all the control in this room, rendering me fucking powerless.

Hell, I wasn't even allowed to cover myself properly.

_Well, at least I won…_

As I was silently congratulating myself on my victory, I noticed that Bella wasn't amused in the slightest. My new-found swagger was annoying to her, and it was fucking obvious by the way she chucked my mask roughly to the floor, and it instantly brought me back to the conversation at hand.

"Why isn't that a win,  _Mistress_?" I taunted.

Her mysterious coffee-colored eyes flashed to my face, quickly penetrating me with her commanding gaze as she announced with conviction, "You didn't  _win_  because I didn't  _crack_."

_Oh…I beg to differ, my Mistress._

"Remind me again, what were the terms that we agreed on?" I asked arrogantly.

She opened her mouth to refute me, but instead, shook her head and sighed loudly. "It doesn't matter. This game of yours is over."

_Game? What game?_

This wasn't a game to me; it was far from it. This was my way of getting closer to her. Why couldn't she see that?

"Why can't you just admit that I won?" I asked stubbornly.

"Because you didn't win, Edward. Your lies and deceit are not considered attributes of a winner. You cheated your way in here.  _And_  for what?" She asked tiredly, narrowing her eyes at me as she closed the distance between us.

"I wanted to see you," I admitted sadly, closing my eyes as soon as she pressed her soft body against mine.

An electric current pulsed between us as she pushed her body against mine when she went to loosen the ropes on my wrist. The heat coming off her was like a white hot flame, and the sensation of this girl touching me was extremely intense. It immediately overwhelmed me, and caused my breathing to hitch like a little bitch.

I mean, how big of loser was I? All she was doing was untying me from my restraints, and all I could think about was how fucking gratifying she felt flushed against me and how I wished I could just ravish her.

Then,  _God,_  there was a glorious scent that wafted off her luminous skin, infiltrating my mind, taking over my soul, and going straight to my dick.

_If she smells this good on top, I wonder how good she smells down..._

Bella's soft chuckle distracted me from my inner musings and brought me back down to earth. When I opened my eyes, I saw that she was looking at me with an amused expression, glancing back and forth between the horrified expression on my face and the raging hard on between my legs.

_Fuck! Can this get any worse?_

It was typical. The moment I got the upper hand, Bella swooped in and emasculates me. It was almost as she planned shit like that because it was easy to see that Bella knew she was a knockout just by the way she presented herself. She was confident, strong, and knew what she wanted.

The only question was…

_How can I make her want me?_

"Alright, I know I will end up regretting this, but I give," she conceded, returning her focus to my face. "I mean, if you were willing to go through this much trouble," she sighed defeatedly, "how can continue to denying you one lousy date?"

The sudden change in Bella's mood surprised me because the anger that she first exhibited was no longer there. In fact, she looked almost  _relieved_. It was as if someone came along and flicked the switch, relinquishing all her burdens—but that wasn't what caught my attention the most…

_She cracked!_

"You're willing to go on a date with me?" I asked stammering like a fucking idiot.

She sighed. "Yes—but  _just_  one date."

"That's all I need," I said, nodding eagerly.

She narrowed her eyes at me skeptically before brushing an idle strand of mahogany hair away from her face. "Okay, here's the deal, Rico Suave. Finish untying yourself, get dressed, and I'll meet you outside in fifteen minutes," she instructed me, turning on her heel as she headed towards the door.

"You want to go out…tonight?" I asked, shocked.

She paused at the door with her hand still grasping the knob, a bemused smile on her face. She glanced over her shoulder, giving me a quick appraisal. The look she gave me was pure sex—she was a goddamned vision, and I gasped inaudibly, sputtering on large quantities of air.

_Why in the fuck am I trying to ruin this with some lame ass loser question?_

"What's wrong with tonight? Do you have another dungeon to crash?" she inquired suspiciously.

I shook my head. "No, I just didn't think…you know, with it being so late."

"You see, that's the problem with men: you all think too much." Bella winked at me as she turned back around towards the door, with a hint of hesitation.

I watched her curiously, letting my eyes roam over her curvaceous form, burning her image into memory. As soon as my eyes got to her toned legs, I noticed that her boot was caught in some fabric. Narrowing my eyes to focus more, I watched as she lifted her right foot, kicking it back, flinging the mysterious piece of fabric my way. It wasn't until the gray cloth landed at my feet that I recognized what it was. As I quickly glanced back up at her, I saw that she was staring at me coyly, biting down hard on that plump bottom lip of hers.

"Sorry about your boxers," she said quietly before slipping out of the room and disappearing.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

"I want my fifty dollars back," I demanded as I held out my hand to Angela.

When I first approached the front desk, I saw that Angela was sleeping. Her head was down and was drooling all over my consent forms. She looked like death warmed over, but I didn't care. I paid her good money to keep my identity on the down-low, and she sold me out the first chance she got.

Needless to say, I was livid.

Angela jolted into an upright position, wiped the drool from her mouth with the back of her hand, and looked at me like I was fucking nuts as she readjusted her glasses that were hanging off the side of her face. She glanced at my hand warily, but I was resolute and I wanted my fucking reimbursement.

"A refund?" she asked sleepily.

"Yeah, the hush money I gave you? Well, I want my fifty dollars back, Angela. You didn't keep your side of the bargain. So, pay up," I stated obstinately.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I already spent that money," she said offhandedly, shrugging her shoulders.

I retracted my hand slowly, almost believing her, before thrusting my hand back into her face. "You spent fifty dollars in forty-five minutes? On  _what_?" I asked in disbelief.

"Um," she hesitated, chewed nervously on her pen cap. I scoffed at her display of mock innocence, and suddenly the fiery Angela was back as she shot me an icy glare. "What the hell was I suppose to do, Edward?" she asked heatedly. "Imagine  _your_  boss stomping out into your office wearing six inch heels, mad as hell, and carrying a fucking flogger! What would you do? I panicked,  _okay_? She was yelling at  _me_  because I didn't teach you about safe words.  _Jesus_ , how in the Hell was I supposed to know that you're such a newbie?"

Angela's voice had raised a couple octaves, and I realized quickly that she wasn't going to give up that money without a fight. Well, neither was I. It was about principles, and when it came down to it, she folded quicker than Emmett on a game of Go Fish.

"It doesn't matter, Ang. Do you know what a  _verbal contract_  means?" I asked condescendingly.

She glared at me, placing her hands on her hips. "Do you know what  _suck it_  means?"

We stared each other down for a few minutes, neither of us willing to give in, until the door behind Angela opened, revealing Bella dressed in a form fitting sweater and tight jeans, causing me to lose all train of thought.

"You ready?" Bella asked cautiously, glancing back and forth between Angela and me.

I straightened my stance and pulled my hand away from Angela, quickly jamming it into my pocket. Of course, my nemesis saw this as sign that she won, and smiled at me triumphantly.

"Yeah," I answered roughly, clearing my throat.

As Bella went to step around her and the front desk, Angela's shot her out and grasped a hold of Bella's arm, halting her in mid-step.

"Can I speak with you for just a minute?" Angela whispered harshly, shooting a concerned look in my direction.

_That's odd…_

Bella looked at Angela in confusion, but eventually nodded in agreement before turning back and addressing me. "Do you mind, Edward? This will only take a second."

"Oh, no problem," I said, casually waving her off.

Both of the girls gave me a sympathetic smile, and as they walked into the room that Bella had just come out of, barely shutting the door behind them. It was at that point that I realized I was most likely going to be the topic of their conversation.

Sighing heavily as I fumbled absentmindedly with my jacket, I looked around the lounge to pass the time. It was nearly one in the morning, and I had no idea where I was going to take Bella for our first date. It wasn't the way I wanted to do it, but it seemed as though she wanted to get it done and over with as quickly as possible.

This wasn't much of an ego boost for me—that was for fucking sure…

Pulling out my phone to locate the nearest IHOP, I happened to pick up pieces of the girls' conversation in the next room. They were using hushed tones, but I was able to hear them clearly enough to gather that they were arguing.

Not wanting to be fucking noisy, I decided to use the opportunity to get a quick cigarette in, fully knowing that I was going to need it—especially if I was going to take the girl of my dreams out on our first date to the International House of  _fucking_  Pancakes!

As I turned to walk out, their voices grew suddenly louder, and I found myself hesitating in the middle of the lounge, listening intently to what they were saying.

"Angela, trust me. I know what I'm doing. It's just one date and that will be the end of it," Bella said almost pleadingly.

_Well isn't that just fucking perfect?_

"That won't be the end of it. Did you  _not_  see the way the world stops around that boy whenever he see's you? He has no idea, Bells. You're going to hurt him!" Angela shot back.

 _Shit_.

The last thing I needed was someone verifying how demented my feelings for Bella were, and to have Angela hone in on it after just a second of being around both girls simultaneously…Well, it was pretty fucking clear that I wasn't sly at all. But what irked me most of all was that I had Angela begging Bella not to date me.

_What am I…some kind of un-dateable pariah?_

"I know. What am I supposed to do? I've tried…" Bella's voice trailed off.

Taking a step in their direction, the floor creaked beneath me, and I froze. Glancing towards the door, I waited for them to come out and bust me for snooping, but after a nerve-racking minute of silence, their hushed voices picked back up again, though quieter this time…

_Shit!_

It was obvious that they knew I was eavesdropping, and very fucking apparent that I wasn't going to get anymore answers. So, discreetly, I made it a point to eradicate myself, and go have that coveted smoke of mine.

As I headed for the door, my ears started to ring, and I could just feel it: they were talking about me again. Bella's melodious voice wafted through the room, drawing me to her, causing me to ache with strong desire to go back and spy on them some more—to find out what they were discussing.

_Damn! Stalk much?_

Ignoring my inner berating, I slowly made my back towards Bella and Angela, but was annoyed with myself almost instantly. It was clear that it didn't matter how hard I listened or how close I got, the girls were well aware of my presence, and lowered their voices to a point where they were too mumbled for me to even try to attempt to decipher them.

Irritated with everything in my head officially spinning out of control, I rotated on my heel, thrusting the heavy metal door open with all my strength, stalking out into the dimly lit parking garage like a man in need of an intervention.

The cold air was the first thing that hit me, and it made me regret having to come outside, but I knew that freezing my nuts off was far more appealing than having to listen to Bella go on and on to Angela about how big of a love sick puppy I was for her.

_Yes, the wind chill is better for my ego._

The parking garage was virtually empty, and I thought about going to my car to get warmed up, but I didn't want Bella thinking I'd ditched her. It was the masochist in me to put myself through this torture, and so I opted to huddle into the nearest corner.

As I reached into my pant pocket to retrieve my cigarettes, I noticed that I was still grasping my cell phone tightly within my clenched fist. The LED light was blinking bright neon orange. As I unlocked the screen to check my messages, I loud groan escaped my lips, echoing in the vacant garage.

Without really having to look, I knew who it would be because Emmett was such a fucking spaz.

It seemed as though the bastard felt the need to call my ass at least twenty fucking times, and that's not even factoring in his text messages.

_Jesus Christ, Em. Where's the fucking fire?_

As I scrolled through his frantic ramblings about his concerns for my safety, I suddenly remembered the lie I'd told Emmett about my plans to stay in for the evening…

Fuck me! It was already nearly one in the morning and I wasn't home. The time completely slipped my mind, and I couldn't believe how time could fly by so fast when I was with Bella. It was like the first day I'd met her when Einstein's Theory of Relativity, and how that was the only thing that made sense to me.

Oh, how things have changed…

The one thing Einstein failed to grasp was the nature of the moments in life and how it all related to an individual's self realization. The fact that I changed so drastically in such a short span of time had to account for something. The vast knowledge I'd acquired about who I was, as a man, in the last two hours was astounding, and it was still difficult for me to come to terms with everything.

The sharp and deep stings that she inflicted on my body with her whips were so fucking erotic to me, and to find this out this little nugget of information the first time going in was hard to digest. There was countless times tonight where I'd been so turned on by that pain that I'd had a hard time keeping my cock down. But it wasn't even just that. It was the way Bella treated me like I was fucking dirt on her shoe, and the fact that I got off on that surprised me.

I never thought that getting treated like shit by a woman—no, not just any woman, but by Bella—would be so fucking sexual.

 _Filthy pig…_ Yeah that shit still did things to me.

It was a scary realization for me because I wasn't always  _that_  guy. All through my sexual prime, I'd been the prick who was above all that dominating nonsense. It was  _me_  who had the upper hand in all my pseudo relationships, and was  _me_  who determined whether the girls remained a permanent fixture in my life.

Even though they all came to me,  _wanting_  my company, to which I would gladly give to them, it still wasn't right. No matter what my reasons were at the time or how pathetic my defense was, claiming that it was the way I was wired. It still didn't excuse me for treating those girls so badly.

It was just I didn't know how to be the guy they wanted. The one who could give them that perfect relationship, and they never really picked up on the subtle hints I gave them or even realized that I wasn't boyfriend material until it was too late. I was the guy who always took things with no intention of giving it back to them in return.

_What the fuck am I going to do now?_

The thought of telling people the truth was not even a fucking option, and I knew that whatever lie I decided to spew that it had to be good. It had to be more than  _good_ ; it actually had to be  _believable_.

As I continued to read Emmett's messages, I knew I was fucked because I had no way of explaining my whereabouts. All he knew was that I was supposed to be home, crying into my pillow over the loss in function of my dick, and all I was really doing was gallivanting around in downtown Chicago with my Mistress of the night.

"Shit," I hissed. "What the fuck am I going to tell him?"

In the past, Saturdays were supposed to be my date nights, and that was the lie I often told people so they wouldn't ask me what I was really doing, but since I swore off sex, and went all emo, I couldn't use random women as sexual exploits as an alibi anymore.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

The truth was something that was layered with so much complexity and underlying circumstances, things I didn't even understand myself, and to try to explain this to my two best friends didn't seem plausible to me.

_Fuck, will they ever fully understand this need I had for Bella?_

How would I even begin to explain to them how I enjoyed spending the last two hours in Bella's dungeon butt naked, rock hard while getting spanked and degraded by her?

There was no way they would ever understand, and I didn't expect them to. They were normal by all sense of the word, and I was a full blown freak. Even before I came here tonight, it was very clear to me that my activities would have to remain hidden from everyone I knew because the judgment that would soon follow after such a revelation wasn't something I could take.

The reality of my deepest desires, if made public, would destroy my parents, and to know that my parents thought of me as this sick and twisted deviant would kill me.

I couldn't have them disowning me like that. Even though I was piss poor at showing it, my family meant everything to me, and to think of the possibility of losing them, pained me.

_I can't let that happen…_

Then there was Bella to think about. As much as I wanted to be with her, I knew that dating me was a risk she was taking. If something was to happen between her and I, and her lifestyle was exposed to the church. The nights as a Dominatrix would surely end her days as a school.

"Edward?"

The sound of her voice had startled me, and as I turned my head to the right, I saw that Bella was standing there in a heavy parka, staring at me curiously. Her sudden reemergence couldn't have come at a better time because my thoughts were starting to hit a downward spiral, and I needed her beautiful face to bring me back.

Smiling faintly at her shivering form, I realized that we had at least one thing in common, and that was our distaste for this wretched weather. It couldn't been lower than forty degrees, but the way my fingers were aching, and the way Bella's teeth were chattering, you would think we were in a fucking igloo.

"Hi," I said as I took a furtive step towards her.

The cigarette that I couldn't remember lighting was now burned down to the butt, dangerously close to burning my fingers. Throwing the wasted smoke to the ground, quickly squashing it with ball of my foot, I felt a small reprieve. Even though I didn't get that nicotine fix that I'd been craving, I still felt better.

That, however, changed the moment l glanced back up at Bella. She was frozen in place, her eyes boring into me, and I noticed that she completely counteracted my earlier movements by taking a couple steps back.

She was keeping her distance…

_Fucking perfect!_

"Are you ready?" I asked carefully, already knowing her answer.

She gave me a sympathetic smile, which fucking broke me. It was like I could literally hear her inner thoughts, and they were shouting very loudly and clear at me.

_You're not good enough!_

"You changed your mind." It wasn't a question.

Bella wrapped her arms over her chest, never breaking eye contact. "I just don't think it would be appropriate."

"Appropriate?" I asked, confused.

The chill was starting to reach my bones, and I shivered involuntarily. It was like the cold weather was playing a contributing factor to Bella's demeanor as she kept her eyes on mine, never looking away, as if to show me how serious she was. Even her body language was a red flag as she stood there stiffly, always keeping herself just out of arm's reach of me.

I wanted to touch her, but I knew I couldn't because Bella wasn't mine to touch, and it seemed like she never would be.

"No, it wouldn't be appropriate or even fair to you," Bella informed me, her voice completely void of emotion.

Deep down in my brain, I knew, logically, that she was right. The implications of our pairing wouldn't be the best. The lies that both of us would have to sustain in order to keep our relationship afloat would be a full time job. It was one of the many sacrifices that would have to be made…

I was ready to do it.

"Which part of the equation is not appropriate, Bella? Is it the part where you go out to dinner with me or is it the part where you whip me into submission?" I spat.

It was harsh, but it was the truth. The lines between us had already been crossed, and as far as I was concerned, there was no way to take it back. She could try to pretend that none of it happened, but my body and soul already knew what it felt like to be with her so intimately, and fuck me, I wanted more.

"It's irrelevant, Edward," Bella shot back just as viciously. "It's over. Now please, just go home."

With that, Bella turned away from me as she moved to go back inside, but I wasn't done talking. Without much consideration, I rushed up behind her, grabbing her roughly by the arm, and spinning her around so she was facing me once again.

"I will  _not_  go home. You can't just waltz into my life, change it, and then leave me high and dry. I'm sorry it just doesn't work that way," I said heatedly.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Did I say you could touch me?"

"We're not in your Dungeon, Bella. Those rules don't apply to me," I stated arrogantly.

"That's the problem with you, Edward. You think you know what it takes to be with me, but you have no clue. It's about respect and clearly, you don't have it. Its why whatever it was between us was over even before it started," she said in a low, controlled voice. "Now, get your damned hands off me."

Releasing her from my death grip, I watched as she took a deep calming breath before pushing her flowing locks from her face. Even though I didn't want to admit to it, Bella was right. The way I just man-handled her were the actions of a desperate man, a young man, and she made it known that I was nothing but a child to her.

"What can I do?" I asked desperately.

"You can go home and forget about me," Bella replied sadly.

"I've tried to forget about you," I admitted in frustration.

Bella laughed. "Edward, what you want from me is not possible. I will not become someone's conquest."

I opened my mouth to plead with her, to beg her to understand that she was so much more than that, but the words failed to come out. I wished that she was some conquest to me because maybe then I could understand why I sought her out the way I did, and then perhaps I could try to regain some of the control I'd handed over to her so freely.

Because I didn't want to be obsessed with her like this, or have her infiltrate my dreams. It was a living Hell because, at the end of the day, I was still sexually frustrated and Bella wanted nothing to do with me.

So, when she walked away from me in the middle of the parking garage, freezing, and unwilling to hear me out, I decided to do the only thing that I swore I would never do to her. It was sheer and utter panic on my part. It was the feeling that drove me and felt as though I was going to lose the one thing that made me feel alive and whole.

It was desperate, callous, and unethical, but I was fucking selfish.

"Fine," I called after her. "I guess you're forcing me to inform my parents what sort of teachers they have at their children's school. It's a shame too, because it looked as though you really enjoyed your job."

My threat had an instant effect in Bella as I watched her body tense. She had her back to me, and she was at the door of her salvation, but I didn't need to see her face to know that it was mostly likely contorted into a mask of unadulterated anger. When she turned around, I saw that I'd been right.

As she slowly stalked her way back to me, looking like a fucking goddess the entire time, I realized that my attempt to blackmail her was a shitty thing to do, but as I said in the past, I was a selfish human being. There was nothing I wanted more in this world than to have Bella in it, and I was willing to do rotten and foul things to accomplish that goal.

"So, what? I have to give in and go on a date with you to ensure your silence?" Bella asked angrily.

It took her less than three seconds for her to get into my face and jam her finger into my chest. The force of her strength was pretty impressive, and I stumbled back from the exertion. It didn't take me long to get my bearings back, though.

"No, I don't want a date," I answered honestly.

The date idea was so far from who we both were and in a way it seemed childish. Not only that, blackmailing somebody was serious business, and you only get one chance to get it right. The spectrum of the possibilities with Bella was broad. It was the pain, the torture, the eroticism, and her sexual allure that I kept in the forefront of my mind because I wanted  _that._

I wanted something far more precious than some stupid date…I wanted  _her._

Bella was a smart cookie, and I didn't even have to explain it to her. She caught on fast and was shaking her head no.

"Not happening," she said resolutely, taking small steps away from me.

"You would rather risk your job than to take me on as a Sub?" I asked in disbelief.

Bella laughed hysterically. "You think what happened in the Dungeon tonight is what it takes to be my Submissive? Are you mental? I was being mild with you, Edward. You have no idea what it is to be my Sub. It's best that you drop the idea and just walk away."

"Those are my conditions, Bella," I said stubbornly, folding my arms over my chest.

Bella rubbed her forehead roughly with her hands, obviously frustrated with me. The silence between us loomed as she pondered my proposition, and as I sat there waiting for her answer, I replayed her warning in my head. It was true, I had no fucking clue what it meant to be someone's Sub, and even though she claimed that she took it easy on me in the Dungeon, all I remembered was my desire for her to spank me harder.

"Bella," I said hesitantly, hoping to break the uncomfortable silence.

Her head snapped up as I took a step towards her. Those endless brown pools of hers penetrated straight through my bullshit and gazed into who I really was causing me to tense. It was that feeling of doom that wracked its way through my body, and I felt shaky. The moment of truth was upon me and it was still unclear to me if I would actually go through with my threat and tell my parents about her if she said no. Because by exposing her, I would be exposing myself, as well.

"I will begin training your tomorrow," Bella said in a detached tone.

"My training?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, you're still inexperienced, and I need your training to start as soon as possible," she eyed me skeptically before continuing. "You will be here at ten tomorrow morning. You will need a duffel bag full of your clothes and toiletries. Make any arrangements with your family or roommates because you are required to move in with me."

"What?" I asked, taken aback. "Move in with you?"

She smiled deviously. "You wanted to be my twenty-four seven, right? Well, you made the cut, kiddo. Congratulations, you're now a worthless  _fucking_ Sub."

The harshness in her words were shocking to me, but I knew she was giving me one last chance to get out, a warning, but I was too set on my course. The only problem was that I had no idea what it all meant. My mind searched frantically, trying to recall my findings when I did all my research yesterday and I vaguely remembered reading up on a Dominatrix's twenty-four/seven Sub's.

What I could summon up was that Submissives were required to live with their Dommes and do what the Dommes told them, no matter what. The life of a Submissive was no longer their own, and it wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind, but the possibility to live with Bella was too intriguing to give up.

So, as I watched Bella walk away from me for the second time that night, I said the only thing that came to my mind. It was just one sentence, but that sentence was about to send me down a path, changing my life forever.

"Ten o'clock sharp?"

She turned around as I said those words, appraising me quickly before giving me a severe nod. The look in her eyes was filled with sadness, and I wanted to put my arms around her to assure her everything would be fine, that our time together would be fun, and we could perhaps in the process get to know each other, but the loud sound of the metal door slamming brought me back to the harsh reality, and I realized that my Mistress had no desire to get to know me…

_What the fuck did I just agree to?_


	12. Passive Aggressive

**Chapter Eleven**

**~Passive Aggressive~**

My fingers drummed lightly on the leather wrapped steering wheel as my foot pressed further down on the accelerator, increasing my speed as I sped down interstate ninety. The cold air propelled through my open window, cooling down my flushed skin. Taking a long, exaggerated drag off of my cigarette, I felt the muscles in my back relax as the soothing powers of the nicotine seeped its way through my bloodstream.

It was nearly one-thirty in the morning, but I wasn't even close to being tired. My entire body was charged up like high voltage battery. I was amped and busting at the seams from everything that had transpired tonight. The feelings that were coursing through me were a bizarre combination of complete exhilaration and unknown uncertainty.

Even though I never felt more alive in my whole life, I sensed that things were about to get far more complicated than I ever expected.

The shrill howling of the wind that flooded the inside of my car was intended to be a distraction for my chaotic thoughts, but did nothing to silence them. It wasn't like I was actively trying to avoid thinking about Bella or the deal that we made; it was just my thoughts were starting to become extremely overwhelming, and I found myself getting a little O.C.D. as I dwelled on the most minute of details.

It was stupid of me to be so preoccupied with the inconsequential act of packing, but that was all I could focus on. The entire drive home was spent pondering the things I wanted to bring to Bella's place. It was like I was unable to think beyond what dress shirts I was going to take or which jeans would be best. It even got to the point where I was debating on whether it was smart to take any of my boxer briefs.

_Ah…my boxer briefs._

Those thin pieces of cotton were a barricade to my mental packing process because I'd wondered if Bella was going to make it a habit of cutting them off me every time we got physical. I mean, I'd figured I could at least try to save her some time and myself some money…

The prospect of living with Bella excited me more than I ever anticipated. I still couldn't fathom how I'd even gotten in this position. It was hard to reconcile that I was going to live with a woman I barely even knew, and not just any woman, but a woman who had despised me so much only twenty-four hours prior that it looked like achieving a simple date with her was next to impossible…

_Now we will be roomies?_

It wasn't until I was slipping my key into my apartment door that the reality of the situation fucking hit me…because things weren't as simple as just packing my things in a duffel bag, locking up my house, and calling it a day. I had Emmett to deal with and, fuck me, he wasn't going to make this transition easy for me.

Three weeks ago, the thought of having my best friend live with me seemed like a novel idea, but now his presence in my house was more of a problem if anything. The days of coming and going as I pleased were long gone. It couldn't have come at the worst of times, either. Emmett was so gung-ho on keeping tabs on my ass like an overbearing wife…His stalkerish texts, asking where I was and what I was doing all hours of the day, proved that fucking fact.

This immediately led me to start thinking about the more important things about this move that I'd overlooked…

_What the fuck am I going to tell my family and friends?_

The arrangement with Bella wasn't something I could just admit to because no one would fucking understand. Hell, even I didn't fucking understand what I was getting myself into, and it really started to irritate me how fucking impulsive I was all the god damned time…especially where Bella was concerned.

It was like I never thought when it came to her…I just reacted.

Finally aware of the problems that lay before me, I paused at the front door… _terrified_  of going into my apartment. Carefully, I placed my ear up against the cold wood and listened intently. At first I didn't hear anything; I thought I might have gotten lucky. Then, out of nowhere, I heard Emmett's frantic voice loud and clear.

"Shit," I hissed.

Glancing down at my watch, I saw that it was quarter till two, and I knew Emmett was probably waiting up for me. The last text message he had sent me was a little over twenty minutes ago, and I didn't know why I expected him to be asleep. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part, or maybe I hoped that the gods were willing to do me a solid, but karma was an evil, vengeful bitch and out for my gonads.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and pushed it open. The first thing I saw when I stepped into the apartment was that every God damn light was on—which fucking irritated me. It was like that jackass was afraid of being alone in the house or something.

_Maybe I should make the wasteful asshole pay the next electric bill…_

Closing the door quietly behind me, I heard Emmett's booming voice in the kitchen. It sounded like he was talking on the phone to someone. It was still unclear to me at the moment who that was, but it was obvious that it was someone I knew. Emmett was going on about me and how it was unlike me to stay out so late.

_What the fuck, dude?_

Jesus, the kid was making me sound like a fucking hermit or some shit. However, as much as Emmett was pissing me off,  _it was_  the distraction that I needed. I decided it was best for Em to keep his bitch fest in the kitchen as I plotted my escape route.

There was a  _slim_  possibility that I could make it to my room without being detected by him…

As I mentally calculated the distance, I guesstimated that it was exactly thirty-four steps to my safe haven, and I had less than twenty seconds to make it there. As I slowly started creeping that way, I was immediately caught by a sleepy-eyed Rose exiting from Emmett's room, and not long after that, a loud gasp from behind me had officially foiled my plan…

"Edward?" Emmett asked warily.

_Dammit…_

Sighing in defeat, I looked over towards Emmett and saw that he was looking at me with distress written all over his face. He looked so worn down. It was quite disheartening.

Standing up from my semi-crouched position, I turned away from an irritated Rose to look at Emmett. Before I could get a single explanation out, he tackled me damn near knocking me over, while wrapping his massive arms around me in a colossal bear hug. The force of his brutal strength knocked the wind out of me.

"Where the hell have you been?" he asked as he squeezed me tighter. "I've been so fucking worried about you, Bro. I've called the cops, but those fucking assholes told me that you had to be gone for twenty-four hours before they could consider you as a missing person. Can you fucking believe that? I mean—"

Everything was starting to get fuzzy as my body started to lose its supply of oxygen. Panicked, I started to tap him on his back furiously. After a second of his rambling, he finally stopped mid-sentence to release me. As I was bent over gasping for air, I noticed that there was a phone in his hand, and I could clearly hear a woman's frantic voice on the other end.

"You called the cops?" I questioned, shooting him an icy glare both in shock and disbelief.

"You're damn right I did. Where the hell were you? You said you were going to stay home tonight and be all melancholy and shit, but when I came home around eight, I saw that you were gone. I've been trying to get a hold of your ass ever since!" he exclaimed, his joyous relief slowly giving way to anger.

"See, I told you the jackass would be fine, sweetie," Rose said as she bypassed us both and went straight toward the kitchen.

Finally able to breathe again, I glared at the back of Rosalie's head as I shifted into an upright position. The situation was just getting worse, and the last thing I needed was Rose's bullshit and Emmett's overprotection. However, when I turned my attention back to him, the loving concern he once displayed had faded completely and now he was just pissed.

It was quite disconcerting to have a six foot four, two-hundred and thirty pound wall of muscle staring down at me like he wanted to string me up by my balls. Luckily for me, Em's bark was a lot worse than his bite, making him virtually harmless.

"What the hell? I can't go out one night without you calling the fucking Calvary? Jesus, Em. I feel like I'm living with my parents again," I snapped bitterly.

He narrowed his eyes at me in a menacing glare before shoving the phone hard into my chest. "Here! Your mother would like to talk with you!"

_Un-fucking-believable!_

Snatching the phone from his hand, I gave him one last glare before I placed the phone up to my ear. This whole situation was getting out of hand, and I couldn't believe Emmett. This fucking behavior of his was so ridiculous. I really couldn't comprehend what was going through that brain of his when he called the cops—then my  _mother…_ of all fucking people.

It was like he believed that I was incapable of taking care of myself.

"You're such a spaz," I hissed quietly before turning away from him and speaking into the phone. "Hi, Mom…"

"What's going on, Edward? Are you okay?" my mom asked frantically.

Shaking my head at Emmett for putting me in this predicament, I turned away from his judgmental eyes as I took the phone into my bedroom and closed the door quietly behind me.

"Yeah, Mom, I'm fine. I'm sorry Emmett called you for no reason. I don't know what he was thinking," I apologized as I opened the door to my closet and grabbed my only duffel bag.

"Well, honey. He was worried. He said he called you several times and you never answered. Where were you?" my mom asked, her voice tinged with concern.

"I was out with some friends," I lied smoothly.

The one thing that I'd always been good at was lying, especially to my mom, and for whatever reason she never questioned me—no matter what came out of my mouth. More often than not, I didn't have to lie to her, but in times when the circumstances absolutely called for it, I was grateful for her blind trust in me.

"Were there any girls?" she asked slyly.

I chuckled as I shoved a fistful of my shirts into the duffel bag. "No, mom. It was just a couple of guys I know from school. We were out having a good time, and I would've told Em if I'd known he was going to get all spastic on me."

"Oh well, I hope you had fun," my mom said, yawning. "Listen, honey, I'm glad to hear that you're alive and well, but I'm going to bed now."

"Alright, mom…sorry again about Em," I replied sincerely.

"Oh, it's fine. Just tell that big brute that he doesn't need to call me in the middle of the night unless there's blood, okay?"

"Will do."

"Goodnight, hun," my mom said.

"Night," I replied as I hung up the phone.

Once I was off the phone with my mom, I continued to pack up my things, shoving the items, one by one into the bag. Twenty minutes later, as I stood in the middle of my room deciding what else to take, there was a light knock on my bedroom door.

Shaking my head, I opened the door to reveal a pissed off looking Emmett. He kept a severe gaze on me as I handed him back his phone, but the moment his eyes settled on my stuffed duffel bag, his face dropped considerably.

"What the hell, E? Are you packing?" he asked, shoving past me.

"Come in," I said sarcastically.

He stood by my bed as he scanned my room, noticing that the majority of my things were packed. The ensuing conversation wasn't going to be a fun one, especially since I hadn't thought of a decent lie to tell him. When he turned around to face me again, I shifted my eyes down to the floor as I avoided his questioning looks.

Emmett was a great guy, and at times that meant he cared too much about people. He really went overboard when it came to me because we were like brothers. It was going to be so hard to tell him that I was moving out for awhile because I knew he was going to assume it was about him.

"Why are you moving out?" he asked sadly.

_Fuck!_

"I'm not moving out, Em. I'm just going to go stay with someone for a couple days," I admitted the half truth.

"Who are you going to go stay with?"

Rubbing my forehead roughly as I thought about the next lie I was going to tell, I didn't know the words that came out of my mouth were going to be so telling. But I was a fucking idiot, and couldn't keep my god damn mouth shut.

"I've been seeing this girl, and I wanted to go stay at her place for awhile." I glanced up in time to see his jaw drop.

"No fucking way!" he exclaimed as he took a broad step towards me.

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah, can you believe it?"

"No!" He smiled widely. "Well, who is this lucky girl? Do I know her?"

I shook my head brusquely. "No, you don't. She's someone I met awhile back. She's very special to me."

Somewhere between the lie, I was spilling the truth.

"Do your parents know?" Emmett asked excitedly.

"No!" I nearly shouted. "You can't let them know I'm living with her, either. Look, Em. I need you to keep this on the down low. The apartment is yours to keep for the time being. The rent and utilities will continue to be paid for every month. All I ask is that you don't tell my folks."

He held out his hand to me. "That's a deal, Bro."

As we shook hands to solidify our agreement, Emmett pulled me in close, and at first I assumed it was so he could hug me. Instead, he took his other hand and gripped my shoulder and I knew he was about to lay down his final condition.

"As long as I get to meet her real soon," he stated matter-of-factly.

I smiled warily in return as I nodded my head with compliance, but responded with a lie. "Of course, Em. I can't wait for you to meet her."

He pulled me into a hug, squeezing the fucking life out of me as he told me repetitively how happy he was for me. For a solid hour after that he wouldn't vacate my room until Rose came in and beckoned him to bed.

As he trailed after his own Mistress—finally leaving me alone—I plopped down on my bed fucking exhausted. The way things were looking, I still had at least thirty more minutes of packing, and sleep was looking like something that I may not get tonight.

Sighing heavily, I rose from my bed and went straight to the bathroom to gather the rest of my toiletries.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

Getting up at eight was harder than usual, but as I pulled into the parking garage on Madison Street, I knew that my lack of sleep was well worth it.

Glancing at my cell phone, I saw that I still had ten minutes to spare. Normally I would've slacked off, had a smoke, and dwindled the last remaining minutes doing jack shit. But today I wanted to be on time, early even, because this was my training day.

The details of my training as a Sub were still unclear to me, and I learned that spending hours on the internet weren't enough to prepare me. If last night proved anything, it was the simple fact that I was fucking clueless.

My nervousness was so bad that I didn't even bother with the cigarette. I just locked up my Mercedes and headed straight to Bella's dungeon.

_Here goes nothing…_

When I approached the metal door, I noticed that it was slightly ajar. As I poked my head in, I saw that Bella was situated on one of the leather couches. She was sitting cross-legged in a black skirt, barefoot, and flipping through the channels at an idle pace.

Bella looked bored as fuck when I entered the room, and it took her more than few seconds to become aware of my presence. When she did finally look up at me, I saw a quick flicker of disappointment flash across her face.

"Edward," she greeted me blandly.

"Bella, it's nice to see you again," I replied, ignoring her obvious reluctance as I held out my hand to her.

She stared at my palm for a moment before deciding to take it and allowing me to help her to her feet. As we stood there awkwardly, I stared down at her beautiful face and noticed that she looked tired.

 _I_   _wonder if she got less sleep than me..._

"I honestly didn't think you would show today," Bella stated discontentedly as she got straight to the point.

Without giving me a chance to answer, she pushed past me. I followed closely behind her as she walked ahead of me, stealing glances at her ass as her hips swayed in the form fitting skirt. Male perusal had always been one of the small luxuries I'd enjoyed and I was unashamed of my wandering eye.

It was the view that kept on giving…

"You sound disappointed about that," I pointed out as we rounded the front desk.

She sighed as she opened the door that led into a small office. "I was hoping that you came to your senses, but I see that you're still set on your course."

She allowed me to step past her as I entered her office and as I scanned the small room, I saw that she wasn't much of a decorator. In fact, the room was completely bare aside from the basic essentials: desk, two chairs, a phone, a computer, and a fax machine/laser printer in one.

 _That_  was about it.

As Bella closed the door behind her, I took the seat nearest to me. The padded black leather office chair was nice against my back. I wasn't sure how long Bella had intended for us to be in here, but it was good to know that I would at least be comfortable.

Fully lost in my own musing about the damned chair, I totally missed the part where Bella walked around me to her side of the desk. It wasn't until she was reaching over into a file cabinet that sat adjacent to her and pulling out a large manila folder that I became aware that we were about to get down to business.

Splaying the contents of the folder in front of her, Bella looked up at me with a stern expression. "Okay, this is the deal, Edward. As my Sub there are certain things that you must obey. For instance, you will only address me as Mistress, and  _only_ when I address you first. Secondly, there will always be constant communication between us, either verbal or nonverbal. The point of a Domme and her Sub is to experience the pleasure in the pain that we elicit in each other. In a way it's a give and take, and that is why I compiled a list of soft and hard limits for you to look over." Bella handed me a few pages from the folder.

It was a list like the one I'd seen on the internet, but she had set it up in a way where I just checked off the things I was interested in. There were two categories, soft and hard limits.

Bella continued, "I want you to go over that and fill it out for me. It's important to me that you're comfortable with everything we do together, and if for any reason, you feel something is beyond your limitations, you must tell me at once by using the safe words."

"Safe words?" I asked, glancing up at her. "Like what sort of safe words?"

"Words that are easily remembered by you when your thoughts are otherwise skewed by outside forces," Bella smirked deviously. "For instance, a lot of my former Subs liked to use colors for safe words, like red or yellow. It's entirely up to the individual. But I must know what the words are, otherwise I will assume you are defying me, and a severe punishment will ensue."

The mention of her other Subs sent a wave of jealousy through me. I tried to ignore it, but it was... _difficult._

The thought of some other guy being intimate with Bella in a way I'd only dreamed of was hard for me to accept. The feeling was new to me, and I hated it…

Focusing my sardonic thoughts on the paper before me, I decided it was best for me to concentrate on the things I could control…like safe words.

 _Fuck those bitches with their color coordinated shit…my safe words are going to much more unique._ I though bitterly.

"Do you understand things so far, Edward?" Bella asked softly.

I nodded. "So far so good."

"Great," she said as she glanced back down at the file laid before her. "Now, like I mentioned last night, you will be moving in with me as a full-time Sub, and what that means is that you will cook, clean, do my laundry, and anything else I ask of you. If things are done to my satisfaction, I will reward you with playtime. If you disappoint me, I will punish you, and believe me when I say this…You do not want to be punished."

"Now, I am allowed to still attend school, correct?" I asked cautiously.

"Of course. I would never deny you a life. When we aren't together, you can continue your life like you normally would, but when you are with me…I _own_  you." Her words were distinct. She saw my confusion on my face and she chuckled. "Don't worry. We'll set up a schedule that works for the both of us."

As I nodded in understanding, I couldn't help but notice the way she decreed her rule with such resolution was almost as if she was trying to scare me, but it was fruitless…I wanted her to own me.

"Am I allowed to date other girls?" I asked curiously.

_Not that I ever would…_

"No, absolutely not," she answered fiercely. "My Sub's are prohibited from having outside relationships. It's unacceptable and I've found out, through _many_  experiences, that it doesn't work. One of the relationships ends up suffering, and more often than not, the Subs  _always_  choose me," she stated with confidence.

She was smug about this fact, but she had a right to be. The fact that men would choose to be beaten and humiliated by this goddess over a normal relationship spoke volumes about her as a Domme. Although, even though I was never boyfriend material, I knew I would've done the same.

"My training…when do I start?" I asked eagerly as I scooted the chair closer to the desk.

"Not so fast. I need you to sign this contract stating that once I take you on as a Submissive you are agreeing that what we do remains only between us. If you expose my life as a Domme, and if word gets out about us, then you are held liable by law," she leaned over the desk at me. "Your family is rich, Edward. I know I would be able to sue for millions. It's what I like to call  _insurance_."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I won't tell anyone, Bella."

"Well, prove it," she said challenged as she kept her eyes fixated on me, gently pushing the contract papers over towards my side of the table.

The eagerness to get the show on the road was building up inside me, and I picked up the pen faster than humanly possible, rushing to sign on the dotted line.

From the outside looking in, it would seem as though I didn't understand what I was doing, or perhaps I wasn't listening when Bella explained the role of a Sub, but that couldn't be further from the truth because I was more aware of the situation than I'd ever been.

The list of my soft and hard limitations in the playroom had given me the freedom to decide how domineering I wanted her to be with me. It had given me control I never knew I was allowed to have, and with the safe words firmly rooted in my brain, this Sub gig was looking more and more like a piece of cake.

I couldn't contain my excitement…There were boundless possibilities...The sick bastard in me wanted it all.

Briefly glancing over the fine print, I skipped to the last page to sign my name, but as the ink touched down on the crisp white paper, Bella's hand reached out and snagged the pen away from my hand.

"What's wrong?" I asked, surprised.

"Why are you doing this, Edward? Is it about the sex?" Bella asked bluntly.

"I thought sex was a part of it," I replied, unsure of where this was going.

"So,  _it is_  just about the sex. It's not some uncontrollable need inside of you to be someone's submissive, is it?" Bella chuckled, setting the pen down. "Wow. I must say, Edward, I didn't know you were that hard up for some nookie."

This was not going anywhere good, and I needed to get the situation back on track, and more importantly, I needed to get that pen back in my hand.

"I'm not hard up, Bella. I can go get sex anytime I want it," I stated adamantly.

"But not from me," she said, smirking. "I am your forbidden fruit. I am the Atlantis that your penis seeks to discover, and that's why you're doing this. Admit it."

"That's not what this is about," I said assertively.

"Oh yeah?" she asked in a low and sensual voice. Leaning over the table, her cleavage was amplified, pressed against the hard wood, distracting me from her proposition, "How about I lock that door and we do it right here on my desk? That way you get what you want and I don't have to waste my time on training a sub who isn't serious."

Everything around me suddenly stopped as I let Bella's proposal saturate me, weaving its way through my veins, my blood, and settling in my cock. My mind was in such a tailspin as I fantasized about the way it would feel to pound her sweet ass hard from behind, and through all this cluster fuck, all I could think of saying was, "Are you messing with me?"

In one swift motion, Bella rose from her chair, and circled her way around the desk, bypassing me completely. I wasn't sure if what I said was offensive, but when I heard the distinct click as she locked her office door, that was when the room around me got smaller and the air significantly thicker.

Instinctively, I grasped on to the chair's armrest. The tendons in my hands were now taut from clenching so tightly as the anticipation of Bella's next move loomed over me. As much as I wanted to turn my head around to locate her, I knew it was in my best interest to keep my eyes forward.

I was determined to show her how obedient I could be.

 _However_ , the wait was a lot a harder than I had anticipated it to be…

_This woman is killing me…_

My ears perked up the moment I heard the unmistakable clicking of her heels on the ground, signaling that she was approaching me. It wasn't until she was in my line of sight again that I really started to believe that she wasn't just  _fucking_  with me anymore, and that she was serious about her offer…

Bella's body heat emanated off her as she stood beside me, stroking my bare arm almost languidly. The feel of her fingers as they gently caressed my sensitive skin was erotic, and it was driving me  _nuts_. The way she looked down at me as I remained seated in the chair damned near drove me over the edge. The way her eyes were hooded, staring at me with lustful intentions…well, it was all I could do not to ravish her.

 _Stay cool, Cullen,_ I mentally tried to calm myself.

Neither of us spoke a word as we gazed at each other. But as I tried to implement relaxation techniques to keep myself calm, Bella derailed me by going straight into seductress mode as she began biting down hard on her bottom lip.

_Fuck…_

Staring at her plump lips, I began to imagine what those lips tasted like, or how soft they would feel in between  _my_  teeth…

"Pay attention," Bella instructed, bringing my focus back to the present as she started to lift her skirt up slowly, exposing her smooth, creamy skin to my hungry eyes.

I groaned slightly, gripping onto the armrest for some much needed support. She smiled down at me deviously as she hitched up her skirt even further, revealing more of her silky thighs as she swung her left leg over my knees effortlessly, positioning her soft, scorching center against my aching groin. I grunted loudly she continued to adjust herself snugly into my lap.

"Now, where were we?" Bella asked as she wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her chest against mine. She leaned down, brushing her lips briefly against my skin, and whispered into my ear. "I think we were discussing how we could satisfy both our needs."

"Yeah?" I questioned with another animalistic grunt as my hands flew to her petite hips, pressing her down onto my raging hard on as I shifted my hips up to meet her apex.

Bella hissed quietly as her fingers moved their way up my neck and into my hair. The sensation of her core resting on my throbbing cock as it strained against my jeans, coupled with the feel of her nails as they grazed my scalp was nothing compared to the realization of Bella finally taking control over me.

"Kiss me!" she demanded as she yanked at my hair roughly.

The simple command from my mistress was all I needed and I grabbed the back of her head, pulling her to lips to mine, and crashing our mouths together. She immediately opened her mouth to me, giving me full access to that tongue that I so desperately craved. The flavor of her that invaded my eager taste buds hinted of peppermint, and it instantly reminded me of candy canes on a Christmas tree.

The mental image of Bella partially naked, and wrapped in a singular red bow, caused my hips to buck upwards. The moan that escaped from her and into my mouth was so fucking hot that I damn near lost my control then and there.

_Relax…_

Bella pressed her full breasts into me as the kiss between us continued to deepen. Weaving my fingers in her hair, I started to feel claustrophobic. The things on Bella that I wanted to see, touch, and taste were fairly restrictive in this chair, and the desk that lay behind her looked far more comfortable of a place to do those things.

"Hold on to me," I said against her lips, breaking the kiss.

"Mmm," she hummed softly, taking a hold my bottom lip with her teeth, and wrapping her arms around my neck tightly.

_Holy fuck…_

I growled loudly as I dug my nails into the soft flesh of her hips, attacking her mouth with mine. My mind was unable to control the desire my body had for her because kissing her lips was one of the hottest things I'd ever experienced, and I was crazy for it.

Continuing to pepper her mouth with lavish kisses, I swung one of my arms around her back, pressing her body firmly against my own as I placed my free hand underneath her tight ass, gripping it forcefully. I extended my legs out and lifted us off the seat, making sure to keep Bella securely in my arms in one swift motion.

Bella locked her legs around me as I kicked the chair away from us with my foot. Free from the small confinements, I bent down and gently placed Bella on her desk. Once she was seated comfortably, she unraveled her legs from around my waist, and leaned back onto the desk, resting her body on her elbows as her breasts heaved heavily.

"What do you want to do now?" she asked in a low and seductive tone.

On impulse, I placed my hand along her throat, pushing her down flat on her back as I hovered over her in a domineering manner. As I bent down to kiss her again, I noticed her staring up at me with an impassive look in her eyes. It stopped me cold in my tracks because, even though her body was responding to me in a way I knew she was willing, it was the lack of emotion behind her brown pools that told me that something wasn't right.

Somehow, in that last five minutes, we had reversed our roles and I became the aggressor—the dominant. It was a role that was very familiar to me and one I had assumed in the past with the women I'd been with.

However, as Bella lay beneath me as  _my_  submissive…It felt wrong.

"This isn't right," I stated quietly, pulling away from her.

Bella watched me as I picked up the discarded chair from the floor, and sat back down. She looked so confused by my sudden departure, but I saw things more clearly now. In the short time since she'd offered that killer proposal, I'd realized that I didn't want Bella  _just_ for sex, and that was all it would've been.

"You're turning down a chance to sleep with me?" she asked, shocked. "I mean, you're a kid, Edward. What twenty-something year-old guy turns down  _sex_?"

She was right; no guy in my position would ever turn down a woman as gorgeous and fuckable as Bella, but something inside me wanted more. It wanted the playroom, the domination, and that purple  _fucking_  flogger, but above all else, I wanted to  _know_  her.

I was sacrificing my basic carnal needs as a man to be closer to Bella, because I knew if I would've slept with her; it would've been game over for me.

_Sorry, little E, but I'm taking one for the team…_

"Can I have the pen back, Mistress?" I asked, bowing my head down in a submissive gesture.

My eyes stayed glue to my hands as I waited for Bella to make a move. A few seconds later, I heard her shift off the desk, her shoes hitting the ground lightly, and as much as I wanted to look up at her, I knew that keeping my head down was the only way she would know that I was sincere.

"Look at me," Bella demanded.

Finally looking up, I saw that she was seated behind her desk again; her lips were curved into a small smile as she held the pen out to me.

It was a peace offering of sorts, a mutual understanding because she had put me through the first test of many to come as her Sub and as I signed my name on the dotted line, I realized that I'd just passed with flying colors.

I placed the pen back down on the desk and I pushed the contract back towards her. The weight that was lifted off my shoulders as she took the papers from me was incredible. The things we learned about each other—well…She learned more about me than I did about her, but I did learn was that she was serious about her duties as a Domme, and as her Sub, I needed to be just as devoted.

Bella slid the contract in the manila folder, spun the chair to her left, and placed the file of her newly acquired Sub back into the file cabinet.

She closed the cabinet, locking it with a small silver key, and palmed it discreetly as she swiveled the chair back in my direction. She raked her eyes over me, quickly assessing my calm demeanor. She smiled deviously. "Welcome to Hell."


	13. Riding the Horse

Chapter Twelve

~ Riding The Horse ~

"Fuck," I hissed as I readjusted myself for the millionth time.

It'd been nearly twenty minutes since the test that Bella put me through, and the aftermath of that little experiment still had my cock throbbing. The entire drive over to Bella's house was grueling, and I spent most of the time rubbing my hand up and down my crotch, hoping to create some friction to help alleviate the ache. But without whipping it completely out of my pants and pounding one out to full completion, I knew that relief wouldn't come so easily.

What I  _should've_  done was had sex with her. The old me, the Edward Cullen from three weeks ago, would've screwed Bella hard on that cherry wood desk in her office and left without ever looking back. It would've been my classic MO with the typical, wham, bam, thank you ma'am style I was accustomed to—but I was no longer  _that guy_.

The days of quick gratification were over for me. In fact, I was now the guy who turned down the woman he'd wanted to have sex with because he would rather share something more with her.

The desire to be with my mistress in every possible way was strong—but what surprised me was that my need to be whipped and degraded by her was even stronger.

There was no doubting myself anymore or the firm resolve of my decisions. When I signed that contract, I knew what I was doing. I was well aware that I was giving up: the once in a lifetime opportunity to dominate Bella and to completely take her like I'd taken every other woman in my life. It was every man's fantasy, but the only problem with that was the stark realization that  _I_  was the one who wanted to be dominated.

It was the uncontrollable fire in me to recreate the pleasure that she elicited in me... _Fuck_ , it was all I could think about as I filled out the check-list of my hard and soft limits.

Shit, I couldn't wait to start…

Even before I signed that contract, declaring that I was hers, I had already submitted to Bella. From the very moment I set eyes on her in that coffee shop, I knew that my life wasn't ever going to be the same.

It should've been obvious from the start, considering the way she challenged me.

The fact of the matter was that I never had to work hard for anything in my whole life. Since birth, I'd been handed things without ever having to ask, and to be honest, that luxury had carried through to my adult years. The way I coasted through my life without any god damned ambition.

I mean, I was finally following Jaspers advice about taking some initiative.

Even when Jasper gave me that little pep talk in the coffee shop, I knew he was talking about school and my career in Phoenix, but I was carrying that little grain of wisdom over to my life as a Sub.

It didn't matter what happened now or what I had to do, I just knew that there was no way in hell that I was ever going to give up the opportunity to experience more with Bella.

The way I felt when the cold leather straps penetrated my sensitive skin, or how erotic it'd been when the sound of her commanding voice, assaulting my psyche with bountiful thoughts of yearning for complete and utter domination.

The things she did to my body to make it ache for her brutal touch was addicting, and I found myself wanting to show her my  _gratitude_  by fully submitting to her.

As I drove to my new home, the thought of the sting on my skin was making my cock ten times harder— _which_  fucking sucked because I had no way to relieve the tension.

The most erotic part of this whole situation was that Bella knew exactly what she was doing to me. There were a few times back at the dungeon when she would look at my groin, see the bulge between my legs, and smile mischievously at me because she knew as well as I did…my balls were undoubtedly blue.

Fuck, they were still aching with intense pain by the time I pulled up behind Bella's white Audi S5 coupe as she eased into her driveway. I watched her closely and intently as she stretched her long legs out of the car, setting her stilettos on the ground. She was a vision of pure sex as she stood outside of her car, stretching her arms over her head, and exposing a sliver of her toned stomach in the afternoon sun.

I was completely mesmerized by her as she closed the door to her pristine car, smoothing her black pencil skirt down with her hands as she made her way towards me. As soon as she approached my open window, I saw the flicker of satisfaction in her eyes as she focused her gaze on my hand as it twitched to rub my throbbing cock.

I was suffering, but the throbbing was no longer relevant…it was well worth it.

"How was your drive, Edward?" Bella asked slyly.

The teasing tone in her voice was obvious…she was toying with me. The drive to her house was uncomfortable to say the least, but I wasn't going to readily admit that to her. So, I deflected instead by chuckling softly. "It was… _interesting_."

"Did you touch yourself?" Bella asked me sternly, all humor gone now.

Before we left the dungeon, she told me that I wasn't allowed to give myself any relief, and that I had to learn to accept the pain that a hard-on would cause. It was another test, but I had failed this one miserably. My initial reaction was to deceive. What I wanted to tell her was how good I'd been, but as she stared at me knowingly, I realized that I'd already been caught. Any lie at this point would've been fruitless, and I might as well just take out my penis and stroke it relentlessly in front of her…the ending result would've been the same.

"Yes, I did, Mistress," I answered shamefully.

"Get out," she ordered.

Unbuckling my seat belt, I opened the door and got out of my car. Even as I stood there, hovering over her petite frame like a tall oak, she kept her firm, unwavering gaze on me. It was intense, and I found myself squirming under her severe scrutiny. The speculation of what she was going to do next was making me anxious, and when she reached down to place her hand over my cock, I flinched.

"How did you touch yourself, Edward? Was it like this?" Bella asked as she rubbed her palm over my crotch gently, and I nodded. " _Really_?" she asked, surprised.

"Yes," I answered hoarsely.

She had my back pressed up against my car as she leaned into me, palming my dick as cars drove past us in rapid succession. Never taking my eyes off her, I saw the unmistakable gleam in her brown pools and the smirk on her full red lips, as I came apart under her exquisite touch.

"That's all you did? You didn't touch yourself like this?" she questioned suspiciously as she added more pressure on my cock, rubbing her palm harder, creating an unbearable friction.

The feel of her hand, although much more gentle than mine had been, was ten times better, and I fought the urge to let my eyes roll back in my head. Despite touching myself, my will power had been exceptional over the last few hours, but I could slowly feel my control waning. If she continued to massage my dick, I didn't know if I could contain myself…

"No, Mistress," I grunted in response.

All too soon, she removed her hand from my aching member, leaving me in utter agony.

I groaned at the loss of contact.

She was clearly enjoying the affect she had on me, the way she knew she was torturing me.

_Fucking minx!_

"Now," she continued before I had a chance to respond. "Gather your things. I want to show you around the place you will be calling home for the time being."

"Yes, Mistress," I replied as I popped open my trunk and walked around to retrieve my duffel bag.

Bella waited patiently for me, but I knew I was stalling. The fact of the matter was that I was in way over my head. Even though I wanted to be here more than anything, I just couldn't shake the feeling of trepidation.

She was still a big fucking question mark to me.

Even though she didn't know much about me, it was definitely more than I knew about her. The amount of things she knew practically made her an expert on me in comparison. On top of being acquainted with my family, she knew all of my info from the invasive contract that I signed.

_I don't even know how old she is…_

As I followed her up the steps to her massive brownstone, I was forced to make up my own assumptions about her. From the outside looking in, it would seem that Bella was very well off. The white Audi that she drove alone tipped me off that she had money, but the house she owned in the upscale part of Wicker Park was the icing on the million-dollar cake.

"Can I ask you a question, Mistress?" I asked timidly.

It was a risk that I was taking by addressing her first. The do's and don'ts of a Domme and her sub were still unclear to me, and at this point I was just treading water…hoping not to drown.

"Of course," she replied as I watched her ass sway teasingly in front of me.

Gulping down my nervousness, I cleared my throat. "How old are you?"

Bella stopped mid-stride and she turned around to look at me with a raised eyebrow. I instantly panicked.

_Ah shit…_

She chuckled. "Out of all the questions in the world you could ask me, and  _that_  is the one you want to know?"

Suddenly, I was thrown off course with the possibility of being able to ask her anything I wanted. The things I wanted to know about my mistress were formulating all at once, and it was making it hard for me to focus on just one thing. My thoughts were in total chaos, and as I tried to think straight, I knew I was running out of time.

Bella looked at me with amusement—but how long would that good humor last?

So, I settled on my original question and nodded. "Yes, Mistress," I finally replied as I looked into her eyes. "Is that alright?"

"That's fine, Edward. It just surprises me, that's all," she replied, smiling beautifully. "I'm twenty-five."

Now that I knew how old she was, I sort of regretted my choice. It was really a lame fucking question, especially since I could've asked her anything. As she turned away from me without saying a word, I knew my window of divine opportunity had passed.

I would never get a moment like that again.

_Shit! Damn it! Mother…_

Every time I was around Bella, I turned into this babbling, fucking idiot. It was like my brain and mouth was no longer connected, and I ended up just saying stupid shit. There were very brief times where I displayed confidence in front of her, and on a good day, some cockiness…But more often than not, she got a little bitch who was scared shitless to talk to her.

It was no wonder she had no interest in being with me romantically before I fucking blackmailed her.

I was a huge fucking pussy, and she needed a god damned man...

_Fuck it!_

I was going to do it. It didn't matter what the consequences were, I was going to take a risk and ask her another fucking question.

I mean, I had to show her in some way that I was man enough to be with her…

"Bella," I started to say as we reached the top of the stairs. As she turned around to look at me, I caught a brief glimpse of a dark figure on the porch, instantly stopping me in my tracks.

"Yes," Bella answered, raising her eyebrow at me questioningly.

Glancing away from her, I narrowed my eyes on the mysterious figure that was leaning against Bella's door so casually. He had his head down cast and his arms folded over his chest. From my prospective, he looked like he was sleeping.

I nodded my head towards the guy that was camped out in front of her door. Bella looked at me with a confused expression as she slowly turned her head to follow my gaze. I watched her closely as her slim form stiffened slightly the moment she saw him before quickly going back into a relaxed posture.

She reached out and grabbed my hand, and like a little thirteen year-old girl, my heart started to pound hard against my chest at the feel of her hand in mine. It really was so stupid for me to respond that way because all she did was reach back and grasp a hold of my hand. It was simple, chaste, and the only reason she did it was so that she could drag me towards the door, but it still had my pulse racing.

It really irritated me how fucking whipped and sentimental I'd become in such a short span of time. I didn't do romance and the whole holding hands shit; I wasn't a fucking pussy. It was becoming obvious to me that I wanted to be with her too fucking much. It was pathetic how I was making such a big deal out of her grabbing my hand when it didn't mean anything to her at all.

_Jesus, pull it together Cullen…It's just hand holding!_

As my inner asshole complained about my 'dear diary' moment, I knew that there was something more important that I had to figure out first.

_Like who in the hell was that guy and what the fuck was he doing there?_

Bella stepped up the last stair, her heels clicking loudly on the wooden porch, alerting him to our approach, causing as his head to pop up.

Now that he was alert, and aware of our presence, he pushed himself away from Bella's door, standing as tall as he could before taking a broad step in our direction. He looked to be around my age and height, but was rather lanky for his stature. His hair wasn't a distinguishable color because he had it cropped short into a military cut which made him look very young.

He smiled gently at Bella; the recognition in his expression was instantaneous. His whole face lit up when he saw her, and it was fucking apparent to me that this guy was someone she knew…perhaps intimately.

The thought fucking pained me, and I could feel my pulse start to quicken in response. The only thing that was stabilizing me was the feel of Bella's hand in mine, and fuck it if that didn't sound all girly.

It was the god damned truth!

"Hi," he greeted hesitantly.

Bella didn't say a word to him as she looked back at me warningly. Before I could fully decipher the reasoning behind her expression, it was gone.

_What the hell was that?_

It was the oddest thing because for that brief second, I could've sworn I saw concern displayed in her soft features. It was almost as if the man that stood before us was a danger to her or to us or—fuck!

Bella tightened her hold on me as she brushed past him, making her way to the door. He looked really put-off by her cold demeanor, and that was when all hell fucking broke loose.

"I said 'Hi', Bella. Are you fucking deaf?" he spat.

"Whoa," I interjected as I stopped right in front of him.

He looked at me with crazed, bloodshot eyes, and I could clearly see that the asshole was drunk. He fucking reeked of alcohol, but I didn't give a shit about him being intoxicated. The way he talked to her was un-fucking called for, and I wasn't about to sit idly by.

_Fuck that shit!_

He glared at me as Bella treated him like he didn't fucking exist. She calmly took out her keys from her purse to unlock the front door, and inserted the key with ease. The asshole never let up as he hovered over her in an aggressive manner. She wasn't even bothered with him. I wished I could feel the same cool collectiveness, but I couldn't just overlook the way he spoke to her.

"Dude, I think you should leave," I stated resolutely.

"Edward!" Bella snapped. I looked at her and saw her shaking her head at me disapprovingly.

"Who the fuck is this asshole?" he asked angrily.

The jovial atmosphere that Bella and I had established less than five minutes ago was now gone, and had been replaced by extreme tension.

As my mind tried to place the missing pieces together, I made sure to watch him for any sudden movements he would make towards her.

The alarm in my head that sensed danger was blaring loudly at me. This guy was highly unstable, and who knew what he was fucking capable of doing?

The muscles in my body were taut as I prepared to intervene at any given moment…

"Go home, James," Bella answered, sighing softly as she opened the door to her house.

Even as she pulled me into the entryway and away from the psycho, I knew better than to take my eyes off him because he was clearly drunk, and like a bomb waiting to explode.

The fierce protectiveness I felt for my mistress caused me to act rashly, and it wasn't until I put myself between her and this James character that I realized I gone too far. But as I stood there in the doorway glaring into his eyes, I could see it as plain as day...he wanted to hurt her.

There was no fucking way I was ever going to let that happen.

"You need to do as she says, and go home," I said through gritted teeth.

He looked at me with curious eyes, before looking around me and at Bella. He laughed. "Is this some kind of fucking joke? You replaced me with this guy?  _This_ fucking douche is your newest pet?"

"I'm sorry…her  _what_?" I asked, confused.

"James, go home! Edward, get inside!" Bella ordered as she grabbed me by the arm roughly.

"You're her fucking slave, asshole," he said, looking at me smugly as Bella pushed me back into the house. "And you had better do what she says. You'll find out sooner than later that you mean nothing to her, and she'll get rid of you like she got rid of me," he taunted.

I felt my insides knot up as I let the anger wash over me. It was the worst feeling in the world to know that the woman I was willing to submit to had already been involved with someone else. The hopes that I had that our relationship would develop into something more quickly gone to shit.

It seemed that Bella liked to trade out her submissives left and right.

Nothing seemed to make any fucking sense anymore.

"Move your ass now!" Bella yelled loudly, bringing my attention back to her.

Glancing down, I saw that Bella was standing in front of me with a pissed off expression on her gorgeous face. As I tried to put my chaotic thoughts together, I felt her petite form shoving me back. She was fucking strong, and I felt my feet move backwards under her exertion.

I took a quick look at James, and saw that he was smiling at me  _victoriously_.

_That mother fucker thinks he won…_

"You got something to say to me?" I asked, pissed.

"Your Mistress is a goddamned slut," he sneered.

"What did you just fucking say?" I hissed as I pushed against Bella's force, and started to advance on the asshole.

He smiled deviously. "I said your Mistress is a  _slut_."

"Edward, I said get in the house!" Bella commanded.

But I didn't even hear her as I pushed her hands from my chest, and urged her gently to the side. All I could see was red, and I wanted James' head. The asshole was going to die for calling Bella a slut. Moreover, my mind was spiraling out of control as I replayed the way his voice sounded as he called her Mistress. The words were like a simple caress as it rolled off his tongue, and even though I had no idea who he was, the fact that he addressed her so intimately had me clenching my fists in a blind rage.

The sudden urge to pulverize the fucker was all I could think about, regardless if Bella was shouting at me to stop.

Whether the fucker knew it or not, she was  _my_  mistress, and I was the only one who was ever allowed to call her that.

The possessiveness and ownership I felt for Bella was strong, and even though she led me towards the door and out of direct contact with this asshole, I still had the alpha male in me, taking over my body as I took a quick u-turn and advanced aggressively towards him.

That motherfucker watched me with an amused expression as I charged at him full-force. I pulled back my fist and shot it forward, connecting with that fucker's face.

Everything happened so fast as the blind fury overwhelmed me. The intense hate I felt for this guy who taunted me with his blatant disrespect for Bella was encompassing all my senses. I felt nothing as I attacked him; no pain, no worry, no sorrow...just hate.

James fell to the ground, covering his face as I hovered over him punching him relentlessly. I inflicted blow after blow to him, consumed by my wrath. When I thought it was good enough and considering laying off him, he opened his fucking mouth.

"She's a god damned whore! She'll break your ass in two!" he spat, pushing me off him.

Just like that, my anger built up in me as I gripped the collar of his shirt, laying another punch into his smug face.

All I wanted to do was shut him up, but he wouldn't fucking do it. It seemed like the harder I punched, the more degrading things he'd spout. Words like whore, bitch, slut, and slave were all that came out of his mouth, and I couldn't stop hitting him.

It didn't matter if I broke my hand in the process; I knew his face was going to suffer the most damage in the end.

At some point, I allowed Bella to pull me off James, pushing me back into the house. She closed the door loudly behind me, leaving alone in the empty foyer panting heavily.

_What the fuck just happened?_

My fist was bloodied and aching with pain, and as I tried to open my hand to stretch my fingers, a searing burn shot up my arm. My hand wasn't broken, but it was going to be tender for awhile.

"Fuck," I hissed quietly.

Well, that was just fucking perfect. How the hell was I going to explain this to people? It was common knowledge that I was a hothead, but never had I gone this far before. Never had I let one mother fucker get me so worked up.

_Shit! Bella!_

The pain and self-loathing had distracted me, and I'd completely forgotten that Bella was still outside with that asshole.

As I listened closely, the commotion outside was still in high gear; I could barely hear Bella's melodic voice shouting at him. The caveman in me wanted to go out there to make sure that she was okay, and that James wasn't fucking hurting her.

The ass-beating that I gave him was pretty severe, and from the way my knuckles were all bloodied, I could only hope that the ass-wipe was down for the count. But I couldn't be certain, and my protective instincts for Bella's safety were overriding all my other senses.

The fact that I couldn't see or hear what was going on was driving me insane, and the curiosity was finally getting the best of me.

As I rushed to the door, the stark realization of what I had fucking done dawned on me.

My actions when I attacked James were clearly that of a jealous lover. I mean, the shit that came out of his mouth was offensive; he deserved what I gave him. The fact of the matter was that I disobeyed my mistress. The memory of her shouting orders at me to get inside the house and to ignore James reminded me that I had completely disregarded by me as I charged at him like an enraged bull.

_God damn it!_

I fucked up bad. My actions were not that of a fucking submissive. The contract that I signed had told me what my duties were; even Bella herself fucking explained them to me, and nowhere in that fucking contract did it say that I was allowed to beat up her ex-submissives. In fact, Bella warned me what the consequences were going to be if I disobeyed her. The punishment would be severe and time in the playroom would be forbidden…I needed that time in the playroom.

It was the one place I knew I was allowed to enjoy the things that I would never admit to out loud, and it was the one place that Bella  _truly_ saw me. The playroom meant more to me than just sex because I realized that it was my only way to get closer to her.

It was my clear-cut avenue to be with her in a way that allowed us both to just  _be_.

_What the hell had I done?_

Why did I have to be so fucking rash all the time?

The panic was seeping into me as I stumbled back from the door, looking around wildly, hoping for a way to repent. There had to be away to apologize for my actions to my mistress. My mind tried to think back to earlier today when she went over the brief rules of her house and basic shit.

_God, why didn't I fucking listen?_

All I could remember from that discussion was that my dick was hard, and how distracted I'd been by her luscious lips. My thoughts were so consumed with her in general that I completely faded out the things that could've been useful to me now.

The door handle slowly twisted, and now I could hear her voice telling James to go to the hospital and sober up.

My mistress was coming back inside to handle her misbehaving sub, and all I was fucking doing was standing there like a fucking moron. The time to figure out a way to atone for my sins had past, and now I had to think fast.

Out of nowhere I remembered the one thing that she told me about my obligation as a sub. She said that every day when she came home from work it was essential for me to greet her, and not any way. She meant that when she walked through the door that I was to assume the submissive position. She said that it was to show the Dominant respect and loyalty.

It was the one thing I hoped to be my saving fucking grace.

When the door pushed open, I responded by dropping to my knees, and bowing my head down. The pain in my hand increased as I hit it hard on her cherry wood floor. At the moment I knew—it was deserved.

The punishment that I was already giving myself wasn't half of what I fucking earned. I hoped my mistress decided I was worthy enough to keep.

The door closed softly as I kept my eyes glued to the floor. The sudden sense of déjà-vu sent shivers down my spine. The wait for her to approach me was agonizing. The room was completely silent. The only thing I could hear was my own heavy breathing. It was like my mistress was a goddamned ghost—a damned entity that wasn't there because I couldn't even hear her breathing and it didn't matter how hard I tried to listen.

It was maddening and my whole body was tense with anticipation. The desire to have her and the fear of disappointing her was raging inside of me, and I just needed for her to say something. I wanted her to do something, to end this misery of mine. The silence was killing me because I didn't know what she was thinking. What if she didn't want me anymore, or what if she was so disgusted by my actions that she couldn't even look at me?

What the fuck would I do then? Where would I go? The prospect of having to return to my little squabble of a house with Emmett wasn't something I desired, and my life with those trashy skanks clawing and pawing on me was the last fucking thing I wanted.

Even though I had barely started this life with my mistress, my curiosity was too strong, and I wanted to see it through.

I squeezed my eyes shut in order to calm myself down because the panic of the unknown was caused me to hyperventilate, and I needed to stay level-headed. She hadn't sent me away yet, and for me to keep thinking like this was wholly counterproductive.

_Please want me…._

My internal begging was my only distraction. It was the only way I could plead to my mistress without infuriating her further. Because I knew she was upset with me; I fucking saw it in her eyes when I laid my hands on her and shoved her to the side. The supreme idiocy of my fuck-ups was mounting with every passing second, and I knew damned well that my punishment wasn't going to be mild.

Fuck…if she wanted to, she could probably string me up by the balls and I would beg her to give me more.

The truth was that if my mistress was going to punish me that meant that she wanted to keep me.

_Please keep me…_

I was on my hundredth inner plead to her when she moved. My whole world stopped at that moment when the loud clicking of her heels invaded my thoughts. God knows how long I'd been there. It could've been hours and I would've never known the difference, but now that she was moving, it seemed as though all I could think about was the fucking time.

It took her forty-nine seconds to walk over to me. The tips of her black stilettos were in my line of vision for one minute and twenty-two seconds before she started to pace around me for a cumulative three minutes and sixteen seconds.

Finally after a total of five minutes of pure agony, my mistress spoke.

"Eyes on me, you sniveling little worm."

I snapped my head up on her command without a second of hesitation. She was staring down at me, her brow furrowed into a severe "V". The fury in her delicate features was something I'd never seen before, and the truth was…she was fucking beautiful.

She was this strong, stern, and dominant angel that I couldn't look away from. But it seemed the more I stared into her brown eyes, the more it pissed her off; the fact that I gazed up at her adoringly instead of with fear didn't sit well with her one bit.

She growled softly as she lifted her foot, and like she did in the dungeon the night before, placed her heel on my shoulder and pushed me backwards. The force of her strength and the fact that I wasn't expecting it had caught me off guard, and my back slammed hard against the floor.

She hovered over me with her heel digging into my shoulder. It fucking hurt like hell, and I winced in pain as she dug it into me even further.

She glared. "You had to go and act like a complete Neanderthal, didn't you, you spineless bootlicking weasel?"

"Mistress, I am so—" I started to say, but she stopped me mid-sentence when she pressed her foot into my shoulder.

"Do not speak to me, you filthy, rotten pig. I've heard enough of your irritating voice. Didn't I warn you of the consequences for disobeying me?" she snarled.

I didn't know how to respond. She kept asking me direct questions, but didn't want me to answer them. It was the first time in my life where I was unsure of myself...

"Did you think that I wouldn't punish you? That I would just let you act like an immature jackass?" she asked harshly. I shook my head as I gulped back my words. She sighed heavily as she removed her foot from my throbbing shoulder. "You really are a fucking kid, aren't you? You're too stupid to think with a proper head. What happened? Your cock sucked all the fucking blood from your brain, and like a god damned caveman, you decide to act on instinct. You're my Submissive, Edward. You're lower than pond scum. You're nothing but a piece of gum on my shoe!"

She narrowed her eyes at me as I lay underneath her with wide eyes. The feeling of hopelessness and vulnerability was something that I hadn't ever felt before, but what surprised me was the fact that I hated the way I had disappointed her.

She was right about everything. She wasn't going to sugarcoat my role. As her submissive, I was there to obey her, and what I did outside with James was like a slap in the face to her. The control that I had willingly given her the moment I signed that contract, I tried to take back. It was a brief moment in time when I felt powerful, but that was short-lived because I wasn't fucking powerful at all.

I was nothing but fucking pond scum.

"Stand up!" she spat at me.

Quickly getting to my feet, the blood rushed from my head, and I swayed slightly as I lost my equilibrium. My mistress glared at me with intensity as I instinctively flexed my fingers on my sore hand. I studied every part of her flawless face, becoming more and more aroused. It was such an odd thing to be so turned on by her when I should be afraid, but I was.

Whatever pain my mistress chose to inflict on me was well deserved and I couldn't seem to begrudge her of that.

"I am a very patient Domme and you're a weak, pathetic excuse for a sub. The fact that you felt the urge to go above me like a fucking rabid dog—" Bella huffed with annoyance. "Yes, you're a dog to me, and like a dog that pisses on its master's carpet, you deserve to get you're fucking nose rubbed in it. That's what I am going to do."

She glanced at my hand for a brief second before she grabbed me by the arm and proceeded to drag me out of the foyer.

"What the hell am I going to do with your dumbass now, huh? Did you think that little stunt of yours was going to gain you brownie points? No—all that little testosterone fueled act did was injure your five fingered pleasure tool!" she ranted. "Fucking irrational little boy."

My thoughts were a jumbled mess as I stumbled over my colossal feet just trying to keep pace with her. She was on a mission dragging me through her house as we passed the kitchen, the immense living room, and a bathroom before she was pulled me up the stairs to the second floor. Once we were at the top of the stairs, she turned to her left, and headed straight towards two enormous double doors.

Once we were there, she let go of my arm, and opened the doors revealing a dungeon of sorts. As she stepped inside, it suddenly fucking occurred to me that my punishment wasn't going to be like the playroom had been. There wasn't going to be any teasing or pleasuring me with her whips. No, my mistress was going to really make me pay for my indiscretions.

_Fuck!_

I was still standing frozen in the hallway when she turned around. There was a gleam in her eyes as she inhaled the stagnant air around her. She looked so beautiful and at peace in that room. It was really quite magnificent to look at, and I smiled slightly as I watched her.

That was a big fucking mistake…

She saw me standing in the doorway, smiling, and the look of rage on her face caused my balls to cringe. It was the first time that I was actually afraid for my junk. The fury in her brown eyes was purely animalistic.

She stomped towards me in one swift motion as she jerked me into the room, slamming the doors loudly behind us. The tension in the room increased ten-fold as my eyes wandered around the room, cataloguing everything into memory. This room was decorated similar to the rest of her house with the cherry wood floors and the cream colored walls but the furnishings clearly indicated that this was her dungeon. On one wall, she had her collection of whips, floggers and canes. And on the other side of the room was a cross that looked like it came directly from the dungeon where Mistress Marie gave me my first taste of real pleasure. There were other contraptions that I was vaguely familiar with and others I had never seen before. Deep down, I wanted her to take me over to the whipping bench, and when her fingers started to peel off my clothes, I thought that would've been my punishment.

Oh, how wrong I was…

Before I knew it, I was fucking butt-ass naked and my mistress was dragging me over to the corner of the room. Instinctively, I felt the need to cover myself up because I was feeling exposed. But when she stood me right next to some kind of rigged up saw horse, I fucking forgot I even had a dick, let alone out in the open and swaying in the wind.

The contraption was something I'd never seen before; it was the type of saw horse that I remembered seeing in my tenth-grade woodshop class, except for the two beams that stood up vertically from it, one on each end. These supported another beam that was laid horizontally across them and above the saw horse by about a foot. The horizontal beam looked like it had been a four by four piece of wood that was whittled down into a triangle with a slightly rounded edge at the top.

At first I was confused as to what the hell it was because it sure as fuck didn't look like the type of whipping bench I'd seen in my internet research. I mean, it just didn't look very comfortable. If I was to lean over the top for too long the rounded edges would probably dig into my skin in two seconds flat.

_What the fuck is that?_

"Perfect height," she cooed, as she regarded how it was level with my hips. "Now get on and straddle it. You will have to stand on your tiptoes," she said in her commanding voice.

The realization of what purpose the fucking device served hit me hard like a wrecking ball, and I felt my insides tighten. My previous discomfort of being naked and exposed was suddenly bringing on a whole new meaning; there was absolutely no protection between my balls and that wood. That board that I'd assumed I was going to lie over was going to go right between my legs. At that moment, I was slightly grateful for the rounded edge. However, I was still nervous about having to straddle it…This shit wasn't going to be fun.

But I was in enough trouble as it was and I didn't want to make it worse by hesitating. So, like a good little sub, I slowly and carefully swung my leg over the top to get into position. The width of the saw horse forced my legs more than shoulder-width apart. Being on my tiptoes in this position wasn't entirely comfortable, but I would take it over my nuts on that board any day.

Once I was situated, hovering dangerously close over the ridge of the board, my mistress grabbed my hands and pulled them behind my head. Without any warning, I felt the cold metal of a pair of handcuffs enclose tightly on my wrists and heard them snap shut.

_Oh shit…_

"Now, that I have your attention," she whispered into my ear.

She was positioned somewhere behind me, and as I turned to locate her, my feet slipped out from under me, and my groin landed hard on the edge of that rounded wood. The searing pain in my stomach was fucking excruciating and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from yelping out in pain.

"Slow down, cowboy, I may need your nuts later," she chuckled softly as she came around to stand in front of me.

As the pain slowly started to dissipate, I stood on my tip toes again to keep my ball sack off the wood. If anything, I was a quick fucking learner, and there was no way in hell I was going to make that same mistake twice.

My Mistress was patient as she watched me get myself together. The punishment was well under way, and now I understood what she meant when she said that I wasn't ever going to forget it. It was barely two minutes in and I already smashed my nuts. How was I going to fare if she kept me like this for ten, twenty or possibly thirty fucking minutes?

"Are you ready to listen?" she asked sternly.

I nodded fervently. Anything to get my focus off my burning calves.

"These are the rules that you will adhere to while you're a Sub and these are not negotiable. You will keep house for me. I want it cleaned to the nines every other day. You will cook our meals every night, and breakfast, if our schedule allows it. You're required to go grocery shopping every Friday, and will accompany me to the dungeon on the weekends..." she paused as she eyed me pointedly. "Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistress," I replied as I shifted slightly, grazing my dick across the wood.

I winced at the sensation. It was a constant battle between resting my aching calves, and having my cock and balls rub against the pointed edge of the bench or save my prized possessions by standing on my tiptoes and enduring the burn of sore muscles. Both were hell in their own little way, and I prayed for my mistress's mercy.

"You look quite delicious strung up and vulnerable like that," she mused as her intense brown eyes glazed over with lust, biting down on her bottom lip.

It was the single hottest thing I'd ever seen. Even though I was uncomfortable and in pain, my traitor cock sprung to life, and making it's fucking presence known. She obviously enjoyed the instant effect she had on me because the smile that graced her face was both devious and breathtaking.

She sighed contentedly. "Well, there are a few more things to discuss before your punishment gets underway."

_What? It gets worse?_

My mistress sauntered around the room causally as I shifted awkwardly on the bench. The sweat was pouring out of me as I struggle to focus on her demands, but my slick skin had caused me to lose my footing once again, and my groin hit the beam  _hard_.

_Fuck!_

It was quite difficult to tow the line though because the pain was fucking swelling in my gut, and as much as I wanted to scream out, I knew it would be fruitless. She saw the agony on my face and she thought that shit was funny.

I was able to regain my position once again as she set her eyes on me. She smiled. "I've set up an appointment for you to go get waxed tomorrow," she said nonchalantly. The shock and confusion must have been evident on my face because she chuckled. "There are things that a Sub of mine is required to do. These terms aren't negotiable and I want  _you_  completely bare in the genital region. It's hygienically sound, and your chastity belt won't hurt so much if you have no hair down there," she smiled. "Trial and error has proven that fact."

My eyes were bulging out of their fucking sockets as she explained things to me. It was hard to keep up with all these bombshells she bombarded me with. The cooking and cleaning was something I could learn to deal with, but the waxing situation and chastity belt threw me for a loop.

How the fuck was I going to go about getting waxed? I mean, what straight guy does that? It wasn't like I didn't keep that shit trimmed up, but to go completely fucking bald?

There were so many times I wanted to speak up, but the fact that I was straddling a fucking saw horse that was digging into my nuts every time I moved, reminded me of my place. My dedication to my mistress was firmly rooted.

It was me who had fucked up bad enough to get myself in this predicament.

She cocked her head to the side, assessing me as I grimaced from the soreness in my groin area from where I fell on it, and the constant shifting was only making matters worse. It was prudent for me to keep my balance on my tip toes.

My fucking cock and balls wouldn't survive another round of me falling.

"Well, I can see that trying to get through to you while you're like this is rather pointless," she said, yawning. "I'm tired of standing. I'm going to go lie down for a bit," she said, turning on her heel and headed for the door.

 _No! Don't leave me!_  I wanted to say, but I didn't.

Even though the panic was setting in as I watched her exit the room, I knew pleading would only make matters worse. At the moment, I knew what to expect. The constant battle between my legs and groin was becoming so strenuous and painful, but I could handle it…That was until I fucking moved my foot, and in my panic to readjust it, I fell on the wood harder than before.

_God damn it!_

The pain was fucking unbearable, and when, or if, I ever get off this bench, I wasn't going to do something stupid to get me on here again.

_Fuck, I might want to have kids someday…_

As the silence engulfed the room, all there was to hear was my grunting as I shifted positions for the millionth fucking time. It was hard to keep myself hovered over the beam, and when I gave my calves a break. I made sure to lower myself down slowly and gently.

God, the punishment was fucking brutal and my junk was going to hurt for days—shit, maybe even weeks…I didn't fucking know.

My arms were starting to become sore because of the strain they were under. The handcuffs were digging into my wrists every time I moved, and did I mention that my cock and balls were raw from the constant rubbing?

That had to be the worst fucking part. The scraping of my genitals on the wood was very light, but after my seventh fucking fall and continuous grazing, it started to make the skin very agitated and sore, and Jesus Christ, the inside of my cheeks…I didn't want to know what that fucking looked like.

My Mistress left me there helpless and I knew why. She wanted to teach me a fucking lesson, and after nearly thirty minutes on the bench, I considered the lesson fucking learned.

Every time I went to think about something to distract myself, it was time to shift, and once again I was well aware of the pain, the helplessness, and the punishment.

It was a vicious cycle of slamming my nuts on the rounded beam, the burn of my calves, and the rubbing of the inside of my ass cheeks. It went on like this for hours and hours…well, I was exaggerating, it was probably more like one hour, but fuck me if time didn't drag.

By the time my mistress did return, I was so fucking delirious from the soreness of my nuts that I almost fucking cried.

I was that pathetic…

She strolled into the room wearing yoga pants and a tank top, looking like a sleepy-eyed beauty. Her hair was piled on top of her head, and even though I was in agony because of her, I still was fucking craving her. Especially since that white tank top of hers was practically see-through, and her nipples were rock hard.

"How are we doing? Did we learn our lesson?" she asked as she reached up and un-cuffed me.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered hoarsely.

My throat was fucking dry and it was hard for me to get that fucking sentence out.

"Now, can you get off the horse or do you need my assistance?" she asked sympathetically.

Massaging my wrist, I looked at her and shook my head. It was one of those things where, even if I couldn't do it, I was going to be a man about it. She seemed to understand right away though as she took a step back from the bench.

Standing up into an upright position, I nearly lost my balance as the shooting pain of pins and needles reverberated through my legs. She was quick and reached out to catch me if I fell, but luckily, I was able to regain my balance quickly.

"Stubborn," she muttered.

I gave her a weak smile as I threw my legs over the top of the bench. It was the most pain I'd ever felt down there. There was a tenderness in between my thighs that made me feel like someone had taken sand paper and grinded the shit out of my groin area…it was fucking excruciating.

"Here, this should help," she said as she squirted some lotion in her palm.

My eyes narrowed as she approached me, but as soon as she put the cool lotion down there and rubbed it into my thighs, the pain started to ease. I had to admit, it felt fucking nice. For a brief moment as we stood there, I got the impression that my mistress wasn't actually the devil, but could be pretty fucking great.

I may have moaned, but I was so fucking out of it. The only thing I could concentrate on was the way her hand rubbed the lotion into my skin. She reached everything: my cock, balls, and the crack. All had been chafed and red from the bench.

Of course my traitor penis decided to join the party. I swear that motherfucker was going to cause me some serious issues…

My Mistress laughed as she gazed down at my obvious arousal, looking quite amused. "You're the first sub of mine who rode the horse and still came out with a hard on. We might get along after all."

Without warning, she gripped me tightly around my shaft and started to make long and slow strokes with her hand. It only took a second for me to realize that this was the first time my mistress was actually touching me the way I had wanted for so long, and with all my pent up sexual energy, it was causing a frenzy in me.

Fuck, the way I was feeling a light breeze would've set me off…but this was so much more than that.

I cherished the way her fingers curled around my hard length as I panted heavily. The intense feeling was driving me to the brink as she edged me closer to my release. Each stroke of her wrist had had my cock throbbing, and just as I was ready to climax...she removed her hand from me.

"Now, I am going to show you to your room. I want you to get into the shower, get unpacked, and then come down to dinner," she said brightly.

The woman was giving me nothing but sweet agony. The moment I thought the pain would have subsided; she goes and increases it ten times more.

_Fuck, I need a cold shower._

She was now looking at me expectantly, and I knew exactly what she wanted…

"Thank you, Mistress," I said quickly.

She smiled gently at me as she held out her hand. "Come."

I grasped a hold of her hand, relishing in the softness of her skin against mine. The fact that I was walking out of the dungeon awkwardly to avoid rubbing my thighs together was quite comical; especially since my cock was still in full salute and there was painful look on my face from the worst fucking case of blue balls setting in.

Even though I was in bad shape, none of that fucking mattered because I just survived my first punishment as a sub and that shit was fucking epic…

However, unless I intended on investing in some fucking icepacks, I was going to make damned sure that punishment was my last…


	14. A Long Grocery List

**Chapter Thirteen**

**~A Long Grocery List~**

The last person I wanted to see was the first fucking asshole who ambushed me in the school parking lot the next morning. He was leaning against his cherry red Camaro with his arms folded over his chest. He looked like he was some badass straight out of those western movies. The very sight of him fucking irritated me. It wasn't like I didn't like Jasper—I loved the douche, but he had a way of cutting through my bullshit and seeing to the truth beneath. I just fucking knew the moment I got out of my car and said hi to him that he was going to notice the changes in me; it would take him less than five minutes to figure shit out, knowing every one of my god-damned secrets.

In the past I'd been an open book to him. I was one of those fucking assholes who went off at the mouth, getting my ass in trouble, and claiming I didn't give a shit. All of my fucking sexual conquests were up for discussion. The girls I'd been with were like fucking notches on my bed post, and if any motherfucker wanted to know how it was to sleep with any one of those girls, I'd be more than willing to spout out every intimate detail like I was reading from a long grocery list.

_God, I was such a prick._

However, that was no longer the case with me. As much as I wanted to confide to my best friends about Bella and the way I felt about her, I just couldn't do it. There was just something about spewing all the intimate details of our time together that seemed like it would cheapen it…taint it somehow. And even though Bella and I weren't anything more than a one-sided arrangement, I always held out that small glimmer of hope that if I became the Sub that she needed, the Sub that I knew I could be, somehow things would develop into something more.

"Knock on wood," I grumbled quietly as I tapped my knuckles softly on my head.

I'd never been this superstitious before. But now, it felt as though things would be jinxed, and the universe would seek me out to destroy and ruin my happiness if this one secret were exposed. I wasn't going to take any fucking chances, especially where Bella was concerned. It didn't make sense for me to put in all this effort to get close to Bella, literally putting my fucking balls on the line, to then lose it all with one simple slip of the tongue…

_Nope, not happening…that shit was just unacceptable._

Putting the car into park, I made sure to pull my long sleeves over my wrists. The evidence of last night's sleeping arrangements were still fucking apparent, and as I shifted in the seat to adjust myself, the soreness in my junk increased, causing me to grimace.

My cock and balls had been through so many traumas yesterday, and it never stopped. My sleep had been quite restless because my Mistress decided it would be beneficial to tie my wrists and ankles to the bed, leaving me bound the entire night. And when I finally did fall into a deep sleep, my Mistress chose to wake me up at the butt-crack of dawn by placing an ice pack on my nuts. The freezing sensation was quite wicked, but sensual all at the same time. It had jolted me awake, and as I struggled against my restraints, my mistress started to go over my daily planner with me.

It was the longest twenty minutes of my life, and several times I silently pleaded with her to release me. The coldness was doing nothing for my full bladder, and I feared that if I wasn't liberated from the confines of this bed soon, that I would be pissing all over her satin sheets—but she was oblivious to my predicament as she paced my room back and forth, never batting an eye my way.

It was cruel and unusual punishment.

As much as I tried to focus on her voice, trying to be a devoted Sub, I couldn't concentrate on anything but the pain. By the time my nuts had finally frozen over and gone numb, my mistress was untying me and removing the ice pack. The gleam in her eyes told me that she had timed her torture well and knew exactly when my balls would go numb.

_This wasn't my Mistress' first rodeo._

She was always very stern with me, and when she tied me up to the bed last night, I was a little confused. She then explained that she didn't trust me as far as she could throw me. She told me that I wasn't allowed to pleasure myself while I was her sub and that all my orgasms belonged to her. To be honest, I couldn't fucking blame her for her lack of trust in me. I mean, the first fucking day I was her Sub I ended up disobeying her direct orders, nearly burning down her fucking kitchen with my disastrous attempt at cooking. By the time, I'd fanned the flames and beat the shit out of her smoke detector it was clear, the damage had already been done.

One simple task and I couldn't even do it without charbroiling shit.

By the time I had set the table, I was fucking famished and exhausted. All I wanted to do was sit down with her and have a nice dinner—perhaps a fucking conversation. But before either one of my ass cheeks hit a chair, Bella snapped her fingers at me, shaking her head. At first I was fucking confused, because I didn't understand what she wanted.

Staring at her, dumbfounded, I could see the vein on her forehead pulsating with anger.

"Did I say you could join me for dinner, maggot?" Bella asked in a heated but controlled tone.

The realization of my mistake hit me like a wrecking ball, and even though my Mistress told me I was to cook dinner, not once did she ever say it was appropriate for me to join her. The truth of the matter was that I was her slave, and as her slave, I was to ensure that she was taken care of before me.

Her needs were above mine, and the fact that I seemed to overlook that key fucking point made me feel like such a god damned amateur.

In my attempt at redemption, I quickly scrambled to her feet, falling down to my knees before her as I bowed my head, letting my disappointment wash over me.

"Sorry, Mistress," I whispered.

She didn't reply for a solid minute, and as much as I wanted to take my stupidity back, I knew it was fucking pointless. My Mistress was forming an opinion about me, and it didn't matter if I'd been a Sub for less than twenty-four hours—all that mattered was that my mistakes were adding up, giving her a clear fucking indication that I wasn't sub material. Even though I was willing to give it my all and learn as I went, it still all came down to what she was willing to do.

"Feed me," was all she said to me and that was all I needed to hear.

Like I should've done in the first place, I proceeded to feed her…which turned out to be one of the most erotic experiences I'd ever had with food.

Bella was simply beautiful, and I watched with such fascination as her lips wrapped around the fork like it was a fucking cock…all slow and sensual. My arousal was a common fucking occurrence, and even though I knew she could see my erection as it poked through my apron, I couldn't find it in me to give a shit. The way she moaned as I fed her and the way her eyes fluttered closed as she swallowed was making it too much for me, causing me to let a small groan slip.

Bella opened her eyes and glared at me with such intensity. She immediately pushed my hand away from her, which caused the fork to drop to the floor. In that moment, I realized that even though she was purposely torturing me, I wasn't supposed to enjoy it. It was why she was suddenly furious with me.

As I lowered my head, staring intently at her plush carpeting, I wondered what she was thinking. It was hard to know for sure what was going through that head of hers, but it couldn't have been good. I mean, the chicken was fucking burnt beyond all recognition, the rice was overcooked to a point where it was mushy, and the only thing that I hadn't fucked up was the salad—which she'd been enjoying entirely too much. I was pretty sure she meant to tease me because no one gets that much fucking pleasure from a bunch of leafy greens. I don't care if Emeril himself made that shit; a salad wasn't going to arouse the taste buds to the point where a woman fucking moans—I'm sorry, ain't going to happen.

The realization that I messed up, once again, was fucking obvious, and I just knew that I was going to be put on the horse.

But if it came down to getting the horse or getting rid of me as her sub, I would gladly take that fucking horse.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she reached down and put her finger under my chin, lifting my face up so I was looking into her deep pools, speaking unemotionally, robotically. "Clean up this mess."

She removed herself from the table, leaving me to clean up after her. The dinner was a fucking disaster, and I couldn't shake off the feeling of complete disappointment in myself. Time and time again, I keep on fucking up the little things that seasoned Sub's would know not to do.

The reality of the situation was slowly creeping in and my lack of knowledge in the lifestyle was fucking obvious.

When I was getting ready for bed that night, she came in to my room holding some black nylon rope in her hands. It took me a second to figure out what was going on. When my Mistress barked out orders, telling me to get on the bed, well let's just say, she had made her intentions very clear.

Of course, I did what she said and kept my mouth shut. It was the first time I'd ever been bound to a bed, and I hoped that she was tying me up for some playtime. But when she removed herself from the bed, shutting off the overhead light, it dawned on me that she was punishing me for dinner.

The punishment was fine with me. I mean, the ropes weren't too tight, and I was thrilled that I survived another night. She had given me one more day not to fuck it up. It gave me hope, and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't fuck up again.

I may not have known what I was doing most of the time, but I was a fast learner, and I never made the same mistake twice. But when I woke up this morning, I couldn't escape all of yesterday's failures; I felt so fucking worthless. I mean, I was the worst fucking submissive known to man. All my missteps were still plaguing me, always in the forefront of my mind, and making me incredibly agitated all morning.

It was only eight in the morning and I  _knew_  that my patience was going to decrease as the day went on. It didn't matter if I took a million fucking Xanax pills or had a bazillion cups of coffee, the sexual frustration was building, and when I get so fucking horny…I flat out get mean.

Jasper stood outside my car as I sat frozen, fucking hesitating to get out. I was running my hands through my hair, tugging at the roots, trying to get a grip on things. It wasn't out of the ordinary for him to be there waiting for me. It was just that today, I wasn't in the fucking mood, and it was going to be such a god damned hassle. I didn't have the energy to keep up a façade with him, but I also knew I was stuck because there was no way I was going to be able to wait him out.

I needed to man the fuck up and deal with it head on.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Cursing under my breath, I snagged my cigarettes from the passenger seat, taking deep, exaggerated breaths as I prepared myself for Jasper's keen sense of Jedi wisdom.

"Hey, whore bag," Jasper greeted jovially, punching me in the arm as I was getting out of my car.

"Hey, fucker," I replied half-assed, barely meeting his gaze.

Closing the car door quietly behind me, I proceeded to pull out one of my beloved smokes. Unfortunately, Chicago being the fucking windy city in all, a slight wind kept blowing on me and extinguishing my fucking fire. By the sixth time that I tried with no fucking success, I growled loudly, cursing a string of profanities as I chucked that motherfucker to the ground.

Jasper laughed. "God, you're a moody little guy."

I shot him a stern glare, flipping him off. "Fuck you."

"Awe, don't be like that Edwina," Jasper shouted after me as I stomped off towards the school on a hunt for a god damned lighter.

Ignoring his snide remarks, I made my way towards the campus, looking for anyone that could possibly have a fucking lighter on them. It wasn't until I heard Jasper's loud guffaws behind me that I remembered my sore ass cheeks and gimp-like walk.

 _Could this day get anymore fucked_?

Frustrated with Jasper and his persistent cackling, I stopped mid-step, swinging around to face the asshole. He was gawking at me with an amused expression on his face, and what I really wanted to do was to fucking ditch him.

But where would I go?

It was too early to go sit in the class and the campus was practically deserted—which was making my search efforts for that coveted lighter fucking pointless.

The fact of the matter was that all I was doing was drawing more attention to myself by acting like a damn drama queen.

I sighed. "Just fucking say what you gotta say."

"What  _ever_  do you mean?" he asked, smirking.

Yeah, like the asshole didn't make up a hundred fucking jokes in his mind already. It was only a matter of time before he started laying them on me, one zinger after another. It was too fucking early to play these games with him.

"Whatever smart ass comment you have floating in that head of yours; I don't have all damned day."I snapped as I held up my unlit smoke. "I need to get this piece of shit cigarette cherried soon before I fucking go insane."

"Is that why you're being a little whiny bitch? Well, let me help you out with that," he said as he pulled out a lighter from his pocket.

I recognized it as mine right away. It was the same one that I chucked to the ground ten minutes earlier. He set it aflame effortlessly, holding the flickering fire towards me. Thank God that the wind was no longer an issue and as I finally able to light my fucking cigarette.

Inhaling the blessed smoke deeply, I felt the tension slowly leave my body.

"Better?" Jasper asked.

"Much," I answered appreciatively.

He handed me back my lighter as we began walking towards the main Science building. We were both quiet for a moment as I smoked my cigarette. The weekend had been pretty fucking sunny, so the light dusting of snow that we had was nothing but a watery mess, and as I flicked my cigarette in to one of the puddles, Jasper decided to attack.

"So, Em tells me that you moved in with a girl," he said nonchalantly, but the intent was perfectly clear.

I shook my head, annoyed as fuck with Emmett. "He's got a big fucking mouth."

Jasper gripped a hold of my arm, stopping me in mid-stride. I turned to look at him and saw that his face was consumed with concern.

"Are you kidding me right now?" he asked, shocked.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. As much as I wanted to lie through my teeth to him, I knew it wouldn't work. He would see straight through the deceit and become even more suspicious, and in the end, raise more questions.

Besides, he knew me well enough to know that moving in with a girl was completely out of character for me. The women that he had seen come in and out of my life were nothing more than a quick fuck, and the only women I ever talked about on a deeper level with him were Kate Sinclair and Bella—who Jasper only knew as 'Brown eyes'.

My only option was to tell him the truth—well,  _bits_  of the truth.

I sighed, preparing for the worst. "It's true. I moved in with her yesterday."

The expression on his face was one of confusion, and I knew I was going to need another cigarette once he comprehended what I fucking said. Jasper was one of those people who could be thrown for a fucking loop easily, but once he got shit straightened out, he was like Barbara fucking Walters with his hard-hitting, in-depth questions.

I watched him warily as I fished out another smoke. He was in some catatonic state, and although I didn't want to rush his process, I didn't have all fucking day to wait around for him, either. Finally after a few minutes of silence, Jasper shook his head.

"Okay, let me get this straight. You moved out of you bachelor pad and in with a  _girl_?" he asked slowly.

"First of all, I could barely call that apartment a bachelor pad since Emmett moved in. I mean, Rose is over all the time and eating all my god damned chips—not even bothering to fucking replace them," I ranted. Jasper narrowed his eyes at me, and I sighed. I knew I was fucking stalling. "What? I moved in with my girlfriend…why is that a big deal?"

His jaw dropped. "Did you say your  _girlfriend_? You have a fucking  _girlfriend_? When the fuck did this happen?"

Suddenly, all the times I was single, never involving myself in a relationship were coming back to fucking haunt me. It was funny to see Jasper lose his shit, though. I mean, Emmett was the hysterical one, and he handled it better.

I chuckled, "It happened a couple of weeks ago…" I paused when I saw his mind working, going through the process of trying to pin-point the time frame. I didn't know why, but it scared me—and, like always, I quickly back-pedaled. "Listen, I didn't say anything because I didn't want people to make a big fucking stink about it. If it went up in flames, I didn't want to have to listen to people telling me that they told me so," I answered truthfully.

No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up divulging too much. In that one fucking sentence, I ended up laying it out on the table for him. Truth be told, I couldn't blame Jazz for reacting the way he did. If Bella was really my girlfriend and not just some infatuation I had blackmailed into being my Mistress, I'd was fucking positive that I would've reacted the same way. All these years after Kate broke up with me, I'd been this asshole who fucked anything and everything, and relationships were the last thing I ever fucking wanted.

Man, the break-up with Kate had fucked with me a lot…more than I ever realized. When people told me that I would never get over her and that I would take out all my frustrations about her on the girls who followed, I never fucking believed them. I was so naïve to think that I didn't have feelings for her or the fact that she took my virginity wouldn't leave such an impact.

Fuck, even now, with the evidence staring me in the god damned face, I was still too stubborn to admit that I'd once been in love with Kate.

"Who is she? I mean, have I met her? What happened with 'Brown eyes'? I mean, are you over—," Jasper paused as he looked at me closely. The very mention of the nickname I'd once given Bella caused a slight reaction in me, and like the all seeing Buddha, the asshole fucking caught it. He pointed his finger at me. "Are you fucking telling me that  _this_  girl, 'Brown eyes' is  _Bella_?"

Trying to distract myself from the panic attack that was coming on, I took a quick drag of my cigarette. It managed to calm me somewhat and I was able to shrug indifferently. "I didn't tell you anything, Jazz."

"You didn't fucking have to. I saw the way your eyes lit up when I mentioned her name. You think I didn't see that shit? How…I mean, when the hell did all this happen? How can you go from practically not knowing who she is to fucking living with her?" he asked in a hushed tone.

The campus was starting to fill with people and our conversation was starting to attract an audience. I swear to God, people are fucking nosy. I grabbed a hold of Jasper's arm and pulled him off to the side.

"Well, she works up at my brothers' school, but I'm guessing you already fucking knew that," I stated. Jasper nodded, waving his hand for me to continue. "We got to talking and really hit it off. It was really quick, but I'm…happy?"

"What does that mean?" he questioned suspiciously.

I hadn't even noticed that I stated it as a question, but the Freudian slip was all Jasper needed to hear. The feelings in me over my relationship with Bella were still too new to really say that I was on cloud nine. She was my Mistress, my Domme, and I didn't know if, as her Sub, I was supposed bask in the glow of happiness. The excitement and thrill of the unknown was the main feeling that coursed through my veins, and any sort of contentment I felt was due to the fact that I was still in her good graces. She hadn't gotten bored of me or terminated our contract.

I laughed nervously. "I'm fucking ecstatic."

He narrowed his eyes at me, obviously not believing a fucking word I was saying now. I was a good liar most of the time, and sometimes I was able to fool Jasper, but now things were starting to unravel. The closer he looked, the more he was going to discover the truth. That was something I couldn't let happen. He wouldn't understand the need I had for Bella and I could only see him trying to talk me out of seeing her again.

 _I need to get out of this situation_.

I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was close to eight. It was the diversion I needed. "Look, Jazz, can we talk about this later? I have to get to class."

I could tell that he wanted to pry more about this relationship with Bella, but nodded anyways. "Yeah, man. No problem."

I smiled gratefully at him for giving me this one reprieve, but when we did finally discuss it—and I knew we would—he wasn't going to let me get off so easily.

"Thanks, dude. We'll talk later," I promised as I patted him on the shoulder and turned to walk away.

The moment I thought I was free, Jasper grabbed a hold of my arm, halting me. I spun around to face him and saw that he was looking at me curiously. It was that inquisitive look he always had right before he dropped a motherfucking bombshell.

"What's up?" I asked tensely.

"Can I ask you about something?"

"Okay…" I answered slowly and hesitantly.

"What the fuck is up with your walk, dude? Did you go fucking horseback riding this weekend?" Jasper asked, laughing.

Shocked but relieved by his question, I chuckled along with him as I bobbed my head in response. "Yeah, you could fucking say that."

**888~~888~~888~~888~~888**

The halls of my brothers' school looked different to me as I sat waiting for the bell to chime. As I glanced down at Bella's classroom door, I couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic. Things had changed so dramatically since the last time I'd been in these halls. When I left with the boys last Friday, the relationship I had with Bella was so ambiguous and, quite honestly, I didn't think that we would ever become  _anything_.

The way I longed for her was the worst tragedy because I knew that even if I tried, she would never escape my thoughts. Three days ago seemed like such a distant past. I could barely recall the way she treated me like the black plague or how she tried to keep her distance from me. At one point, I had considered throwing in the towel.

But things have shifted and life was so much different now. My confusion was still there because, even though I was living with her, I still felt this disconnect. Granted, the relationship between us had gone through so much in such a short span of time, and foolishly I assumed things would eventually get easier. Instead, things just got more complex.

It was like we were in this self-imposed limbo, and things weren't progressing very quickly.

Despite my impatience, I knew that I didn't want to go backwards. The man I used to be was a person I never wanted to see again.

The constant reminders of who I used to be were all around me—the way my teachers acted towards me, the flirty winks that I would get from girls and the dirty glares I would get from their boyfriends. The part of my not-so-distant past kept rearing its ugly head, and no matter how hard I tried to escape it, the reminders of my past choices were always there.

The one thing that didn't fucking surprise me was the fact that everyone knew my business, just like we were in god damned high school again. The word was out about me finally being off the market and living with my new girlfriend. The thought was nice, but they were so off base that it wasn't even funny. Not to mention how fucking livid I was with Emmett. He had a big fucking mouth and it was just a matter of time before he went squealing to Rosalie. She had a big fucking mouth, just like her boyfriend, and with those two in the know, I should've figured my secret would never remain a fucking secret.

Also, Rose hated me. She had some sick vendetta towards me and was always out to make my life more complicated. At first, it had pissed me off, but now, I guess her actions really didn't surprise me. Looking back at my past behaviors, I couldn't really blame her for thinking so low of me. How many times had I traded girls around like they were baseball cards? I was a whore in every sense of the word and, in her eyes; she couldn't believe that I would reform so quickly.

Had I reformed?

Thinking back to the last time I checked out a girl, it was pretty fucking hazy. Jessica had been the last girl I'd been with, but even then, I was still thinking about Bella. All my thoughts were consumed by her and it never left room for anything else. I'd never been this compulsive about anything. I'd always been a passionate guy, but nothing ever like this.

My brain was focused on one thing and everything outside that primary focal point was ultimately phased out.

Pulling out my cell phone, I checked the time and saw that I still had at least five more minutes until school ended. It was more alone time with my thoughts and I was so fucking tired of thinking. All I did was over-analyze everything, making things more complicated than they had to be. It was so fucking frustrating.

Especially since every time I moved, I was reminded of my Mistress. It brought me back to the time on the horse, her eyes, and the way she made me feel. The tattoos on my flesh had always been therapeutic for me, but I never put that much thought into it. I wasn't the only person out there that enjoyed the stinging pain of getting a tattoo, but what separated me from them was the way I took it one step further. It wasn't the needle filled with inked that I craved, it was my Mistress's floggers.

The masochist in me was slowly making itself known…

The bell rang loudly, making me jump up from the chair. It was such a reactive response, and I felt so fucking stupid for doing it, but as I went to sit back down, the twins came out of their classroom, barreling towards me at ninety miles an hour.

"Edward!" both boys shouted as they wrapped their arms around my legs.

I chuckled as I reached down and wrapped my arms around them. "Hey, guys. How was school?"

Masen unwrapped himself as he looked up at me, his blue eyes beaming with excitement. He was too damned cute, and my heart clenched when I realized how much I missed the little guys.

"It was awesome! We had a field trip today to the zoo, and we got to go with Ms. Swan's class," Masen rattled off excitedly.

"Really? Ms. Swan's class?" I asked, feigning surprise.

This was a little game that these little fuckers liked to play with me. If they talked to Bella on a certain day or if they saw her doing something, they would always rub it in my face. My little brothers were such fucking ball busters. They knew about my feelings for Bella—I mean, they didn't comprehend the extent of my feelings, but they knew that I was crushing hard on her. They would always use this little piece of knowledge to tease me.

"Yup," Anthony added. "She ate lunch with us. She said mom makes the best sandwiches in the  _world_ ; Masen let her have a little bite off of his sandwich. Ms. Swan didn't want a bite of mine because it was peanut butter and jelly," he said sadly.

"Yeah, she said she was allergic to peanut butter and  _I had_  a turkey and cheese sandwich. Ms. Swan said that turkey was her favorite. Just like me," Masen boasted proudly.

"She didn't say you were her favorite," Anthony yelled, shoving Masen hard in the shoulder.

"Yeah she did!" Masen shouted back, pushing Anthony away. "I heard her. She said I was her favorite and then she gave me a kiss on the cheek!" he pointed with his finger to his left cheek, which was red with anger.

"You're a liar! I'm telling mom!"

"I am not!" Masen growled as he tackled Anthony.

The boys started to wrestle in the hallway and I had to put myself between them. It was comical to watch them fight over who she liked best, but I couldn't get over the fact that these little bastards were practically getting to first base with her. I mean, she took time out to have lunch with my brothers and even kissed Masen on the cheek. It was stupid of me to be jealous of such a thing, but fuck me running… _My_  Mistress, the woman I was _fully_  submitting to, was sharing food with my little brothers for God's sake!

The good news was that I learned a few things about her that I was storing into my memory bank. My mistress was allergic to peanut butter, but loved turkey. It was a small piece of information and I was craving more, but it helped me with future cooking. I mean, it was nice to know what her likes and dislikes were.

"So, what did you guys do after lunch?" I asked, pulling them apart and taking a firm hold of their hands.

It was all the coaxing they needed because Masen and Anthony both chattered off at the same time, going into epic detail of the animals that they saw and which ones they petted. As I led them towards the exit, I took a chance to search for Bella one last time.

The halls were fairly cleared out and it gave me a full, un-obstructed view of her classroom door. In reality, I hadn't expected to see her standing there because I sort of figured that she would hide from me until I was gone, but of course that was stupid fucking logic.

_How many times did my Mistress go out of her way to torture me?_

She had a gift and she used it to her full advantage. She always knew what would drive me crazy at any particular moment in time, and right now, she was doing a mighty fine job of that because, when I looked back and locked eyes with her, I was done. She'd been watching me, I was sure of it. The sexy little smirk on her red lips indicated just that.

I was so lost in her brown eyes that I hadn't heard the boy's cries, warning me about the impending danger until I was smacking right into it.

"Watch where you're going," a gruff voiced hissed at me as it pushed me forcefully aside, making me stumble back a few paces.

When I looked up to apologize to the guy, I immediately regretted that decision and wished that I would've just kept on fucking walking. The fucker behind the shove was James, and it didn't take me long to realize who the fuck it was because I recognized my own handy work. Even though I'd only seen him once before, the bloodied lip and black eye that distorted his features had been a dead give away to his identity. I smirked, appraising the damage I'd done to his face. That motherfucker had it coming to him and I would do that shit again in a fucking heart beat.

"Pardon me," I said through clenched teeth.

The asshole gave me a quick head nod and sly smile as he strutted towards Bella. The fury in me was starting to boil to the surface as I watched him like a fucking hawk. The fact that the asshole was making another god damned appearance in my life so soon was irritating as all hell, but knowing that he was so close to my brothers—to my family, did not sit well with me at all.

_What the fuck is he doing here?_

The man was starting to step all over my territory and when he leaned into Bella to kiss her on the cheek, I almost fucking lost it. My mind was swirling with murderous thoughts as I glared at my nemesis, who was now making the moves on  _my Mistress._  The only fucking thing that was keeping me grounded at the moment was the twins. They were the only reason why I hadn't fucking attacked James. They kept me from repeating my previous mistake.

However, as much as they were grounding me, they were also annoying the hell out of me. The twins kept on tugging on my hands with all their strength and urging me to go. But I couldn't move. My feet were glued to the spot, and as much as I tried, I couldn't look away from Bella and James. My sole focus was to make sure that Bella was okay and ensure that James wasn't going to hurt her.

_Cut the shit, Cullen._

Okay, that was a fucking cop-out and I knew it. If there was one thing I've learned about Bella, it was the fact that she wasn't fucking defenseless; she pretty much could hold her own. The real reason I didn't want to leave was because I couldn't stand the thought of him putting his grubby hands all over  _my_  Mistress. The way he kept on trying to touch her so intimately bugged the shit out of me and who knew what he would do once I was gone.

There was no fucking way I was confident enough as her sub to believe that she wouldn't leave me for him. As much as I hated that fucking asshole James, I couldn't deny that he was a true submissive. What the fuck was I? Just some young kid filled with ideas about his perfect girl, hoping that she'd see beyond all the bullshit and date him? If I wasn't such a fucking masochist, I probably would've demanded more from her.

"Come on, Eddie! We're hungry," Anthony whined as he pulled on my hand.

The same time I was being dragged towards the exit, Bella grabbed James by the arm and proceeded to push him into her classroom. The asshole shot me a smug look one last time before he was completely out of my view. It was getting increasingly hard for me not to go charge him like an enraged bull. He was taunting me, fucking begging for it, and nobody would fault me for it.

_Well, my Mistress would._

"Eddie," Masen complained as he jerked on my hand.

"Chill out, Mase," I scolded, keeping my eyes firmly on Bella.

I knew my brothers were becoming restless, but I couldn't leave without confirmation from Bella. The James situation had me questioning everything, and I wanted her to tell me that it was okay to go—that my role as her submissive was safe.

She was still standing outside the door to her classroom with her back facing me. The fact that I couldn't see the expression on her face was driving me crazy.

"Come on," I said under my breath. "Please, just look at me."

Almost as if Bella heard me, her head turned in my direction and her eyes found mine. The emotions behind her brown pools were easy for me to read, and even though her face never faltered, I was able to see what I needed to know.

Because in that brief flash, she had given me a glimmer of recognition that told me that I was safe. That no matter what happens with James that my place in her life as her Sub was secure. It was fucking hard trusting that feeling and even harder turning my back on her, but I did it.

 _I have to have faith in my Mistress…_ I mentally repeated over in my head like a mantra.

It was fucking out of character and all girly of me too be so insecure. When did I turn into the guy who always needed reassurance from the woman he was seeing? My only explanation was that she'd gotten under my skin. It'd been a couple of days and she already had me whipped…in more ways than one.

"Alright, guys," I said as I looked down at the twins. They both glanced up at me with large, eager smiles on their faces. "Let's get the hell out of here."

**888~~888~~888~~888**

All day long I'd been consumed with James and wondering why he was up at the school. It was all I could focus on. As much as I wanted to forget about it and concentrate on the task at hand, I couldn't. Bella was so much a part of my life now. Her words, her desires, and orders were what were leading me.

She was the only reason I sought my dad out today and asked if I could get a blood work done for STD's. The awkwardness that proceeded was agony, but it had to be done. There was no one else I trusted to do the test and that was what my Mistress wanted. She wanted to make sure I was clean. She wanted to be safe and I just wanted to please her. In a sense, I was trying to live up to her idea of the perfect man.

The only problem with that was that I had no fucking idea who  _that_  guy was.

It wasn't like I could dig deep into her past relationships for help. The only guy I knew of was that douche bag, James, and there was no way in fucking hell was I going to take notes from him. I mean, the guy was a tool. He  _obviously_ wasn't good enough for her.

"Fucking bullshit," I mumbled as I took a long drag off my cigarette.

Throwing my smoke to the ground, I pushed my body off my car and made my way across the parking lot towards the waxing salon. It was my last stop of the day and the one I'd been dreading the most. Now, I would be fucking lying if I said that getting my balls and ass cracked waxed wasn't fucking embarrassing, but I had no god damned choice.

She made it pretty fucking clear to me that the waxing had to be done tonight. She wanted to fit me in my chastity belt and didn't want the process to be delayed. As much as I dragged my feet, I knew that the shit had to be done.

Didn't mean I had to like it…

By the time I'd reached the door, I felt more resolute about my decision of just getting this shit over with, but when I walked into the salon and saw what lay before me, all my confidence was shattered.

I almost fucking bailed.

The reality of the situation fucking hit me like a ton of bricks as I surveyed my surroundings. The first thing I noticed was that the place was pretty fucking upscale. I mean, the salon had granite countertops and marble fucking floors. It reminded me of my grandparent's house and those mother fuckers were god damned oil tycoons.

Secondly, the salon was fucking packed with women. They all sat on the plush sofas flipping through their fucking magazines, yapping up a god damned storm about stupid shit.

However, all that fucking chatter came to a halt the moment the door closed behind me. The dinging of the bell above my head had alerted them to my presence and all at once their heads snapped in my direction.

Each one of the women stared me down with a look of confusion and distaste. At first, it was pretty fucking comical to watch these broads flip out because a cock came swinging through the door, but Jesus Christ take a god damned picture. It was fucking obvious to me that this salon was a 'no penis' fly zone, but damn, and these women were starting to make me feel uncomfortable. It was like I was some fucking oddity in one of those freak museums.

Feeling like I was going through fucking puberty again, I shifted my eyes to the ground as I hurried towards the front desk. The constant stares were now boring a hole in the back of my head and a nervous energy washed over me. It fucking pissed me off because getting uncomfortable and nervous wasn't a part of my genetic make-up.

I mean, I fucking streaked in Cancun…granted, I was wasted, but I feel barer now than I did then.

_Screw it!_

As I went to turn around and claim defeat, I realized just as quickly that whatever lame ass excuse I came up with for not getting waxed tonight wouldn't fly with my Mistress. She would see my reasons as a blatant case of defiance and I knew exactly where my disobedience would lead me.

_Fuck that shit! My balls still haven't recovered!_

Ignoring the stares and whispers, I walked up to the front desk where a petite blonde sat, buffing the hell out of her nails as she sang along to the song playing overhead. She didn't fucking acknowledge me for the longest time, and after her second chorus of 'Rude Boy', my patience finally ran its course.

"Excuse me," I said loudly, fucking irritated.

She glanced up at me, looking a little annoyed herself, but that emotion quickly faded and eventually turned into flirtation. She smiled at me, pushed her breasts together as she leaned over her desk and started to bat her fucking eyelashes at me. It was the same fucking shit I'd seen countless times with women who flirted with me, and they say guys were fucking predictable.

"How can I help you?" she asked, her tone low and seductive.

The shit she was doing was so fucking contrived and not sexy at all, but I couldn't fault the girl for trying. I mean, how the fuck was she supposed to know that those fucking moves didn't work on me anymore? Fuck, if this was two weeks ago, I would've been all over her, but now things were so fucking different.

The ways Bella had changed me were so fucking startling to me at times. It was like I was two god damned people and for the longest time I couldn't decide who I wanted to be more.

"Yeah, I have an appointment," I replied, ignoring her advances.

"Alright, what is the name under?" she asked as she started typing furiously on her laptop.

The girl paid me no mind as I fell silent. As I stared at her delicate features, entranced by the way the blue glow of the laptop screen illuminated her face, I realized that I didn't want to give her my name. I mean, up to that fucking point, I was sort of anonymous to everyone, and I naively thought that it would've stayed that way. But the moment the girl looked back up at me with a confused expression, I knew that my hopes for anonymity were dashed…I was so fucked.

"Um," I answered, clearing my throat. "It should be under Edward Cullen." My voice was almost a fucking whisper and nearly impossible to hear over the loud, obnoxious music that was playing. So, I wasn't surprised in the least when she asked me to repeat myself.

Glancing around the room quickly, I scanned the faces of the women and saw that there was no one that I knew sociably or fucked sociably—thank God! It was embarrassing enough to be there as it was, but the possibility of this getting out to anyone I knew would be the fucking end of me. There was no fucking way that anybody would ever let me live this one down.

_That's called karma, asshole!_

"The name is Edward Cullen," I spoke much louder.

She nodded as she went back to her laptop to type in my name, but shook her head at me a second later. "I'm sorry. I don't have an Edward Cullen."

"Are you sure?" I asked, frowning slightly.

"I'm positive, sir," she said, smiling sympathetically. "Are you sure you're in the right place?"

I chuckled, "I'm fucking positive."

She narrowed her eyes at me, slightly offended by my language, but I didn't give a shit. I was tired, annoyed, and wanted to get this fucking shit over with. The last thing I needed was for her to tell me that I was in the wrong fucking place.

I fucking Google-mapped my way here.

"Okay…Do you know who you were scheduled with?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I didn't make the appointment, my Mis—my girlfriend did."

"Well, what's your girlfriend's name?" she asked, slightly annoyed with me now.

"Bella Swan," I replied.

The moment the words left my mouth a weird feeling came over me. When I told Jasper about Bella being my live-in girlfriend, it was something I said to deflect his attention off the truth. It was a way for him to not look deeper into my relationship and on some level I wanted it to be the truth.

Fuck, who was I trying to kid? I was so far gone when it came to Bella. The infatuation with her grew with every passing second and as much as I tried not to think about her today, that was all I fucking did.

It was like it was all I was in capable of anymore.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't have that name either," she said, breaking me out of my Bella induced haze.

I shook my head. "No, it has to be under that."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. If you can't tell me who you have an appointment with or what name the appointment is under, I'm going to have to assume you have the wrong place. Are you sure it's this location? We have nine salons all over the Chicago metro area," the girl said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms over her surgically endowed chest.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to calm myself down. It was the second fucking time she accused me of being at the wrong place. It was starting to piss me off because I may be a fucking asshole, but I wasn't a god damned moron. My Mistress wrote down the fucking directions for me, and unless I was an illiterate, I was fucking certain that I was at the right damned salon.

"Listen," I started, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I know I am at the right salon, okay? I don't know what my girlfriend put it under, but I know she made the appointment because that is what she told me. So do me a favor and try looking for it again, please…" I paused looking at her nametag. I smiled. "Please, Julia. I'm begging you."

She blushed slightly, shaking her head at me playfully. "Fine…what was the name again?"

"Bella Swa—"

"It's under Marie, Julia," A loud booming voice interrupted me.

There, rounding the corner of the salon was a tall, dark skinned dude with jet black hair, thrown into a messy pony tail. This motherfucker was huge and he towered over everything. He walked towards me briskly, waving off Julia when she declared she'd found my appointment.

"You must be Edward. Marie has told me so much about you. I'm Jacob Black and I'm going to be waxing you tonight," he said as he held out his massive hand for me to shake.

I laughed almost hysterically as Jacob looked at me in confusion before glancing back at Julia who shrugged her shoulders. When he turned back to me, I could see the fucking amusement in his eyes and as I went to pull my hand from his, I noticed that he tightened his hold on me—making it pretty fucking clear that running for the hills was out of the question.

Suddenly, I wasn't fucking laughing anymore.

"Hold the fuck up," I said, glancing around the room for the hidden cameras. "This is a joke…right?"


	15. Wax On, Wax Off

**Chapter Fourteen**

**~Wax on, Wax Off~**

" _ **Your worst**_ _ **humiliation**_ _ **is only someone else's momentary entertainment**_ _._ _ **"**_

_**Karen Crockett** _

"She didn't tell you, did she?" Jacob surmised.

"No, she didn't…" I replied, finally pulling my hand from his. "Listen, I appreciate you taking your time out to...you know…but I gotta say, it's not for me."

"So, you want to cancel your appointment?" he asked skeptically.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think I do. It has nothing to do with you or anything and I'm sure you're an awesome waxer. I just…it's me. It's my issue, not yours."

Glancing around the room quickly, I saw my escape was just a few feet away. If I could just make it out that door, I could forget it ever even fucking happened. The whole idea was insane. I mean, the man that stood in front of me was nearly seven feet tall and as gay as they come. There was no fucking way I was going to let him wax my nuts and shit—he'd probably just get off on it.

"Okay," I said, backing away slowly. "I'm going to take off."

Julia rolled her eyes as she went back to her laptop and Jacob took a step towards me. It wasn't aggressive in any way, but his action made me tense. The expression on his face was no longer filled with amusement, but one of concern, and I had no idea why he was looking at me like that.

"Are you sure you want to leave? Do you really think that would be  _wise_?" Jacob asked gravely.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, irritated.

"Come here for a minute," Jacob sighed resignedly as he reached out for my arm. I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head adamantly while taking another step away from him. He rose both of his hands up, almost as if he was surrendering or ensuring me that he came in peace. "It'll only take a second."

I laughed humorlessly. "It'll only take a second? Is that right?"

"Maybe it'll take longer than a second, but you'll thank me," he stated sternly as he turned around and headed towards the backroom.

Honestly, I didn't want to fucking follow him or sit around and listen to what he had to say. He probably was hurt and offended by me not wanting to be waxed by him, but what the fuck did he expect? No straight guy would want another guy in-between his legs and removing his ass crack hair. Fuck, I didn't even want to be getting waxed in the first place, but I fucking  _assumed_  that a chick was going to it, therefore making this whole experience less embarrassing for me.

_God damn it!_

Heaving a sigh, I trotted after Jacob. It didn't take me long to track him down because as soon as I passed the front desk, and rounded the corner, I found him. He was standing in the hallway waiting for me with his gigantic arms folded over his chest, looking a little pissed off.

"Seriously, dude. I told you, this wasn't about you personally," I lied.

He laughed. "Right, like you are the only straight guy to flip out about me waxing them. Trust me, all Marie's guys act just like you when they first come in."

"Wait, let me get this straight," I interrupted. "We are talking about the same person, right? I mean, Marie  _is_  Bella."

He chuckled. "Bella? Yeah, I was a little surprised that she lets you call her that. Most of her Sub's only address her as Mistress Marie."

"So, you know that I'm her Sub?" I asked, shocked.

"Marie doesn't like to get into the specifics of her lifestyle, but yeah, she informed me that you were a bit of a newbie and that I should take extra care of you," he smiled, winking at me suggestively. "Anyways, the point is that I think it's in your best interest for you get in that room, strip down, and let me wax you because you can't leave;  _and_  I think you know that," he said, reaching over and punching me gently on the shoulder.

The weight of his words sunk into me and I knew he was right. There was no way out of this because the fact of the matter was I couldn't return to Bella's with my balls still fuzzy. My Domme made it pretty fucking clear to me that disobeying her orders, regardless of how small they were, would result in a punishment.

"Shit," I swore loudly.

Jacob laughed. "So you've decided to stay?"

I nodded begrudgingly.

"Excellent. Alright, let's do this then," Jacob boomed as he grabbed a hold of my sleeve and pulled me down the hall.

The dude was pretty fucking massive, and as much as I tried to jerk my arm out of his grip, it didn't seem to faze him. He continued on his straight trajectory with me in tow and I drug my feet the entire way. It wasn't like I was trying to be fucking difficult; it was just that I didn't like being treated like a fucking toddler. He didn't have to fling me about or yank on my fucking shirt. I was going to follow him, no matter what.

"Seriously, dude," I complained as I tried removing his fingers from my sleeve. "This shit is unnecessary."

Jacob never looked back, and the next thing I knew, I was being flung into a dimly lit room like a fucking rag doll. My body crashed into a table that stood in the middle of the room, causing a sharp pain to shoot up the left side of my body.

"What the fuck?" I cursed loudly as I shot an evil glare at him.

However, he was too busy with his incessant chatter to even realize that I was fucking pissed. Instead, he continued on his little spiel as he kept up with his upbeat disposition, instructing me to get undressed from the waist down. He pointed towards the bed that stood behind me and explained that the draw sheet was where I draped myself for privacy.

_Privacy? Was he fucking kidding me?_

As much as I tried to be polite to him—especially when he rambled on excitedly about therapeutic effects of being waxed and the new order of waxing supplies that he had just gotten in the other day—I just wanted him to leave so I could strip down, and get this embarrassing situation over with.

Eventually my lack of exchange with him had clued him into my mood, and he turned up the dial on the waxing warmer as he quietly exited the room.

 _Thank God,_ I thought gratefully as I started to unbuckle my jeans.

As I folded my clothes in a nice pile and sat back on the bed, covering myself with the sheet, I started to think about why I was actually doing any of this.

The fucking truth was simple…

There was only one reason, and that reason was Bella. There was no way I would ever get my balls waxed and shined for just any girl. Even though my Mistress explained it to me, in epic detail, that being bare down there would make the chastity belt fit more comfortably for me, I still couldn't see that as a good enough reason for any of this.

A part of me knew what her intentions were, and from the very moment I stepped into the salon, I was more mortified than I'd ever been in my entire life. It didn't take me long to figure out that was her main goal all along.

Ever since I signed on to be her Sub, I noticed the little things that she was doing to drive me crazy—the way she touched me, making my constant fucking hard-on even harder, and I didn't even know that shit was even fucking possible. Then there was that god damned apron she made me wear Sunday night. The design alone had emasculated me, but to make me wear it the first time I was in the kitchen was going a little over the top—I mean, the fact that my balls didn't go up in flames was a feat in itself.

_Hell, if I would've just scorched my ball hairs last night, I wouldn't even fucking be here right now._

Even though wearing that apron and cooking were embarrassing for me, they were still in the privacy of her home.  _This_ was  _not_ …no, this was out in the motherfucking open, and I didn't give a shit if Chief Jacob was the best damned waxer there was; the fact that Bella chose  _him_  meant that she was heavily relying on me being uncomfortable—which wasn't fucking hard— in truth, she knew me well enough to know that I would behave in such a way.

_Fuck, when the hell is he coming back?_

I'd been alone with my fucking thoughts way too long, and I was slowly driving myself crazy. All I fucking did was sit and think about Bella and the motives behind the things that she did. If Tonto didn't come back soon and start waxing my fucking balls and shit, I was going to start thinking about James. The fact that I'd forgotten that he'd shown up at Bella's school was hard to believe.

The list that Bella gave me served as a needed distraction, because the tasks I had to accomplish before the Friday deadline had been my main focus throughout the day. If I hadn't been so busy, I think my thoughts would've festered with the idea of James and the fact that I just walked away. The whole thing seemed so ludicrous; I couldn't believe that I didn't do  _anything_. I just left her there with that fucking parasite.

_I can't keep thinking this way…_

I have to have faith in Bella and  _believe_ wholeheartedly that she would ultimately choose me at the end of the day. It was the only fucking way I was going to fucking survive any of this.

A second later Jacob came strolling back into the room, and just like that, the anxiety for what was about to come had increased considerably and everything else soon faded away.

He smiled genuinely as he placed his supplies on the table beside me. He checked on the wax that had been warming since he left, stirring it with a large wooden stick. The scent in the air was now starting to make my nose tingle, causing me to sneeze violently.

"Bless you," Jacob said.

"Thanks," I replied as I readjusted my sheet, making sure my Mr. Happy and his two nutty friends were covered.

Once everything was in order and the way he wanted it, he came back around towards me, placing his hands on his hips. We stared at each other for a good minute before he cleared his throat, gesturing towards me with his large hand.

"Okay, I need you to get on all fours," Jacob instructed.

I looked at him like he was fucking crazy. "Excuse me?"

"I need to get in between your ass cheeks, and you getting on all fours is the only way I can get to that hard to reach spot," he answered curtly.

"Are you  _fucking_  serious?" I asked in disbelief.

He sighed, frustrated. "Look, I have six other people besides you to do tonight. It's not as hard as you're making it. Jesus, none of Marie's other subs were this difficult."

That was all he needed to fucking say to me, because the next thing I knew, I was on all fours on his table and he was cleansing the area with a cold cloth before he started smearing the sticky goo in between my ass cheeks. The unexpected heat of the wax after the cold feel of the cleanser made me jerk slightly away from him, and Jacob placed his massive hand on my lower back, keeping me still.

What fucking surprised me, and scared the shit out me all at the same time, was the fact that I kind of liked it. The hot wax felt really good on my skin, and as much as I was afraid to admit it, I was becoming curious with the whole waxing process. The sensations were becoming hard to ignore, and I was tensing with anticipation.

_I mean, this had to hurt less than the wooden horse...right?_

The fact of the matter was that it was better, because when he placed the soft cloth on the wax, rubbing his hand on the inside of my cheeks, my fucking cock sprang to life.

Now, to have a guy in my ass, so to speak, ripping hair off me, and to have me fucking like it? To be aroused by it? It was so fucking conflicting to me, and I was ashamed. What if Jacob thought it was because I was attracted to men somehow…God, what the fuck is wrong with me?

_How long have I been this sick fucking pervert?_

Being dominated by Bella was something I enjoyed, and the fact that she was hot made me feel like less of a freak for wanting to be her submissive, but getting aroused by a dude? Fuck—no! I was not aroused by him. It was the wax, the sensation in my ass, and nothing more.

"Alright, here comes the hard part," Jacob said as he rubbed the cloth firmly again with his hand.

"Hard part?" I gulped nervously.

Was he talking about my cock having a mind of his own?

"The application of the wax is not the part that people bitch about. In fact, it's what people love…especially the men," he chuckled.

I glanced back at him skeptically and he fucking winked at me.

"Perfect," I mumbled sourly.

"The hair removal process will make that stiffy of yours go down as well… _Unless_  you are one of those rare breeds who are down with the pain."

The prospects of my hard-on going away were something I was hoping for, but the moment he mentioned the pain, my hopes were fucking dashed. He had no idea what I was about and truthfully, there was a time that I had no clue myself.

"Take a deep breath," Jacob instructed.

Doing as I was told, I took a deep gasp of air, and grasped the side of the table firmly. In one swift motion, he pulled the strip away from me and the searing pain had me swearing a string of profanities. The pain wasn't something I enjoyed at all and he'd been right, I was completely limp in two seconds flat.

How in the hell do women do this? I mean, I was starting to think that women weren't fucking weak at all—In fact, I had to commend them on their high level of pain tolerance.

_Holy fucking shit!_

The process continued like this for the next ten minutes. Tonto maneuvered my body in several positions; making sure to get those 'hard to reach' spots each time. The whole session was over before I knew it.

"All done, champ," Jacob informed me as he slapped me playfully on the ass cheek.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

He laughed. "Yes sir. That is of course unless you want more? Then in that case, I hate to break it to you, but Marie only paid for the ass and balls. If you want other services you're going to have to make another appointment."

"No," I amended quickly. "I'm fine."

"Alright, but just know the offer is always on the table," he said teasingly as he left me to get dressed.

He was fucking crazy if he thought I was going to come back here again for another fucking waxing. This was a onetime thing and a way to make my Mistress happy. There was no fucking way I was going to become one of those guys who waxed their entire body. I like my little patch of fucking chest hair and always boasted about the way I could have a beard in a week's time. All my friends were jealous of that fact.

Sliding off the table, I reached for my boxers, and started to pull them on. The stickiness between my ass cheeks and groin kept attaching to the cloth of my boxers. It was fucking disgusting, and I needed a god damned shower—like pronto.

As soon as I was dressed, I exited the room, and headed towards the front. The music was still blaring as loudly as before and the waiting room was just as busy.

_Shit!_

Jacob was standing by the receptionist desk; looking all fucking buoyant as he talked rapidly to…what the fuck was her name?

_Ashley?_

_Denise?_

Fuck me if I knew, but since I wasn't ever coming back, I decided that it didn't even fucking matter. As I went up there to pay the bill, Jacob informed me that Bella had paid for my session, and that any session I had on my own regards would have to be paid for out of my pocket, and he gave me a little fucking pamphlet with all the prices.

He was a nice guy and I had no ill-willed feelings towards him, it was just that I had no fucking desire to ever return. But instead of flat out telling him that, I opted to smile and nod. It was easier than raising a big fuss about shit.

The last thing I wanted to do was draw more attention to myself.

"It was nice working with you, Edward. Give my best regards to Marie," Jacob said as he reached out to shake my hand.

I nodded as I shook his hand fervently. "I will. Thanks for everything."

The atmosphere got really awkward between us, and as I turned to leave, thinking that this shit was fucking over and I was free, Jacob cleared his throat loudly. He kept on doing that, and I was starting to think that his ass was dehydrated and perhaps needed some fucking water.

Regretfully, I glanced back at him and noticed that he was holding a bottle of lotion. I narrowed my eyes at him confused.

He laughed as he tossed it to me. "Take it. It's on the house."

"What is it?" I asked, perplexed as looked down at the container in my hands.

"It's Lotus Touch. It helps soothe your skin. Trust me; you'll be thanking me later."

Unsure what to do or what to say, I smiled at him. "Um…Thanks."

"Hey, don't sweat it. I figured you could use the soothing aloe on your poor skin," he paused leaning into me closely and whispered softly. "I noticed that there was slight redness and chaffing on your groin area before the waxing, and I almost didn't do it, but I know how Marie can get."

I pulled away from him, shocked. "What do you mean?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He handed it to me and as I opened it, I saw that his name and number was scrawled out. I looked back up at him confused.

"Call me if you need some advice on things," he said in a rushed breath.

"As in?" I asked curiously.

He shook his head. "Just call the number, okay? It was nice meeting you, Edward…truly."

Before I could press him more on the subject, he walked briskly out of the waiting room, and waved over his shoulder as he left. There was this world I'd never knew existed, and it seemed the deeper I got in with Bella, the more I was starting to notice of all the nutters that came popping out of the wood work.

_Fuck this shit…I need a cigarette._

Crumbling up the number that Jacob gave me, I pushed opened the door to my freedom, and throwing away his attempt at advice into the nearest trash can.

**~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~888~~**

It was ten minutes until eight and I was expecting my Mistress home shortly, and like she instructed me this morning, I was naked in the submissive position in the foyer. My balls and ass crack were hairless, smooth, and extremely red thanks to the expert precision of Jacob Black. It wasn't a fond memory of mine, especially since I got hard when he poured the hot wax on my nuts—yeah, I wanted to forget about that evening happening.

_What a fucking nightmare._

It was around seven in the evening when I finally got home. My mistress told me that she wanted me cleaned up, dinner on the table, and on my knees, in the position, when she came through the door. It was quite the time crunch, but I was able to pull it all off. The cooking was a lot easier this time around because…well, I basically cheated, and went to some health food joint instead.

Yeah, I was pretty fucking positive that grabbing carry-out wasn't what my mistress had in mind when she told me that I was required to prepare dinner for her every night, but I couldn't see how my cooking was a better option. I mean, especially after last night's catastrophe. It was a disgrace and that shit was just fucking rancid.

Luckily my mom had helped me out with the dinner for tonight and even agreed to show me some of her recipes. They weren't anything I would fucking eat, but they seemed to be right up my mistress's alley.

It was fucking obvious that I had to learn how to cook first, and I knew damned well that shit had to be done on my own fucking time because my mistress wasn't going to train me. She already had her hands full with me as her Submissive. Not only that, I wanted to take the initiative, to show her that I actually fucking gave a shit.

The unfortunate part was that I had no fucking time today to even think about my mad chef skills, and the whole damned day was spent trying get everything done from the list that my mistress gave me this morning. She told me that I had to have these done by Friday and that if I didn't succeed that my punishment would be severe. Thankfully, I'd been able to get most of it accomplished. The only thing I still had left to do was the STD blood test, and that was I already set up for tomorrow with my father—which I wasn't looking forward to.

I'd been on my knees in the foyer for approximately fifteen minutes when my mistress came strolling in. The feeling of anticipation was the same like the last time I was there, but I knew that I'd been well-behaved and wasn't expecting a punishment.

Of course my mind kept going back to the horse, and I wondered how long she would leave me on it this time.

Thirty minutes? One hour...maybe two?

As I found a spot on the floor and stared at it, I listened to her every move as she walked around the room. She still hadn't acknowledged me and that made me somewhat anxious. There were so many things I still had left to learn on being a submissive, and although I prided myself on being a fast learner, I knew I was in way over my fucking head.

It was like I just fucking dove in head first and now all I was doing was treading water. Even though my mistress was my lifeguard—my trainer—watching me carefully and looking for any signs that I might drown. It was nerve-wracking to be in a situation where I understood the rules to an extent, but still was unsure of the finer points.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to move from my spot.

If my mistress decided to keep me this way all night, I would fucking do it…no questions asked. Granted, it would be fucking hard, and the likelihood of my body giving out on me was a possibility, I would still do it. I didn't give a shit if my knees were all bloodied and blistered from the floor, I would not move until she told me because there were far worse things than my discomfort.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I imagined her face. It was the only thing at the moment that was going to keep me focused. The intoxicating scent of her was saturated in the air around me, and I fought hard against the urge to inhale. The way my body and mind reacted to her was without thought, almost like a reflex. It was strange how I was so in tuned with her…always sensing where she was at all times.

That was why when the tips of my mistress's shoes came into my view, and I wasn't really all that surprised to see them there. I'd been listening to her movements the whole time. The soft melodic timbre of her breathing was my favorite sound because I would always imagine her splendid chest rising and falling with each breath. In my mind's eye, I could see her breasts pushing against her thin blouse, begging and aching to come out.

_Fuck!_

Like always my mind drifted to a very sexual place, and if I didn't fucking control myself soon, I was going to be popping a woody. It was the last thing I needed because as much as she turned me on or the fact that I haven't been laid in almost a month, I didn't want her thinking that was all I cared about. How was she supposed to take me seriously when I was acting like a god damned teenager all the time?

"Did you think that I wouldn't notice?"

The sound of her voice had startled me, causing me to jump slightly. The abrupt tone in her voice was severe, and without seeing her face, I couldn't tell if she was angry or just curious—whichever it was, it had me nervous because when a woman asked you something so vague, it was a no win situation—especially if that said woman was a Dominatrix.

Before I had a chance to respond, she snapped. "Look at me!"

Raising my head, I saw that she was still wearing the gray pencil skirt and black blouse from this morning. Her hair was down in waves, and I felt the need to pick my jaw up off the fucking floor because she was unbelievably stunning.

She narrowed her eyes, crouching down to get eye level with me. "Did you think that I would be so stupid and wouldn't notice?" I stared at her blankly, unsure of what she was talking about. The silence was starting to become deafening, and the longer I hesitated the more I saw the anger in my mistress's eyes. "Answer me!"

"No, of course not, Mistress," I replied quickly.

Her brown iris's penetrated me, cutting me deep as I fidgeted under her intense gaze. My brain was moving slower than usual, but as my thoughts traveled backwards trying to find the cause of her anger, it didn't take me long to figure out what my mistress was so pissed about.

_Dinner…Fuck me!_

How could have I been so fucking ignorant? Of course she didn't fucking fall for it. I mean, how in the hell was someone like me expected to go from charbroiling her chicken to—whatever the fuck that shit was? It was my mom who told me where to go, what number to order, and how much it was going to cost. I never really examined it or tried to figure out what it was. If I would've known any better and wasn't so rushed, I would've burned it or something. The only problem was that I craved her approval and I wanted her to be pleased with my efforts. Now the whole plan was shit because my mistress wasn't impressed. No, she was fucking mad as hell and looking to punish me for trying to fool her.

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

"Stand up," she ordered as she rose to her feet.

My knees were practically raw from being in the same position for the last half hour, and as I stood up, I felt a snap in the cartilages in my knees, causing a loud popping noise. My body was tense and sore, and as I wobbled to my feet, I reached out to steady myself by placing my hands on my mistress hips. The warm feel of her skin under my fingers caused a tingling sensation as a strong electrical current pulsed between us, and as I gripped on to her tightly to stabilize myself, I realized my epic fucking faux pas all too late.

It was just like the dungeon on Saturday night when I touched her for the first time, but unlike the dungeon, she placed her hands on my biceps, grabbing me firmly as my legs straightened themselves out. My eyes roamed over her delicate features as her brow furrowed in concentration, working hard to steady me. She was so fucking amazing and beautiful, and before I could even stop myself, I was leaning down to kiss her.

There wasn't much going through my mind, and in the deep recesses of my brain, I knew I was making a critical error, but it didn't matter. All I wanted at that moment was to kiss her. Squeezing her hips, I closed the distance between us.

The feel of her soft lips on mine brought all the memories from her office, and selfishly, I wanted more. Everything about her ignited such need in me that I acted instinctively. The more I pressed my lips against hers the more I felt the rigidness of her posture start to dissipate. She hadn't opened her mouth completely to me yet, but it was enough for me to taste her sweetness on my lips, and perhaps this was a sign for me to press my luck even further…

My fingers dug into the fabric of her skirt as I crushed her small frame against mine. Everything that been festering in the back of my mind with James, my brothers, and the knowledge that this beautiful woman, who was just a mere inches from away from me, but still intangible, was finally expressing itself with fervor. The passion, my obsession, and the fire I held for her were translated into a simple kiss. It was hard to contain myself because the horse had already left the gate and Seabiscuit was racing his way towards the finish line.

Everything around us was moving in slow motion, and I savored every bit of her. The feel of her nails as she dug them deep into my flesh. The way her body molded around mine effortlessly and the fucking heat that radiated between us was scorching. The willpower I'd shown in the past was something I couldn't believe I'd been able to do, because now that I was feeling her again, I knew that I didn't want to let go.

But how do you deny a man who is thirsty of the water he has been craving for so long?

But like the turning of the tides, things went sour the moment I pressed my tongue against her lips. The small clues that I should've picked up on were lost to me because I was too wrapped up in the moment. The resistance that she was using to push me away was fucking apparent to me now. The point of divine intervention had passed and it wasn't until it was already too fucking late that it even registered into my little, non-significant brain.

Bella shoved me forcefully me away from her and the unexpected disconnect had me stumbling back a few feet. When I looked up at her, I saw that she was staring at me blankly. It was unclear what the fuck she was thinking, and normally I loved that about her, but now, it left me feeling slightly uneasy.

What the fuck was going on?

Did she enjoy the kiss?

Did she hate me for pressing myself against her like I had time and time again?

"Sorry, Mistress," I blurted out, dropping my gaze from her.

"All you ever say is that you're sorry," she replied coolly. "But I am really starting to think that you have no concept of what that word even means. Quite honestly, your lack of knowledge and self control is why I  _never_ take on novice subs."

My fists tightened as I anticipated her next words.

"Adjusting is just not part of my vocabulary, but this arrangement of ours leaves me no other choice. Look at me when I am speaking to you," she snapped. I raised my head quickly and looked deep into her eyes. They were my only gateway into her mind, but now it seemed like I was a blind man who couldn't read Braille. She sighed almost tiredly. "I thought I made the rules very clear to you on Sunday, and when you defied me with James, I hoped that the horse punishment would've set you straight. The only thing I see from your actions is that the finer points need more tuning. Do you play the piano, Edward?"

"Yes, Mistress," I replied without hesitation.

"Have you ever tuned a piano by ear?" she asked, taking a step towards me.

"Yes, Mistress…I tune them, occasionally, at the YMCA where I teach."

"So, you do understand the patience and dedication it takes to tune that piano just right?" she inquired, taking another step in my direction, bringing her just inches from me.

I nodded, gulping back my nervousness. Her close proximity had me on edge because I didn't trust myself to keep my hands off her. The peppermint flavor of her lip gloss was on my tongue, and my fingers still tingled from where I'd touched her. The feeling of her hadn't left me and it was getting difficult to lock up those urges.

"Tell me, Edward. When you strike a key on the piano during the tuning process, and it doesn't sound right or just doesn't work, what do you do?" she asked, biting down on her bottom lip.

I shook my head, trying to focus on her question. "I keep tuning until it's at the perfect pitch."

"Revisions must be made until the perfect pitch is achieved. Therefore, as your Domme, I have to learn to improvise…take another avenue," she said, smiling deviously. She took another step from me, looking down at my family jewels. "It seems that Jacob has done a fine job on you. Were there any problems?"

"No, Mistress," I answered steadfastly.

The last thing I wanted to do was go into detail about the experience with her. It probably wasn't best to withhold this piece of information, but her opinion of me mattered a lot. I mean, what the fuck would she think of me if she knew that I'd popped a woody during my waxing session? Jacob said it was common for men to do, but I still didn't want to admit that to my Mistress.

"That's good. The chastity belt will be more comfortable for you now, and you won't have to worry about those pesky pubic hairs snagging on the device," she paused, glancing around the room. When her eyes found mine again, there was a mischievous twinkle behind her dark, brown orbs. "Come."

My Mistress didn't give me anymore direction other than that one command, but as she walked passed me briskly, I caught on pretty fucking quickly that I was expected to follow her. The whiff of her perfume left me quite the trail of bread crumbs to follow, and I inhaled deeply. The scent was sensual…it was a mixture of vanilla and cinnamon. The sway of her ass also had me mesmerized, my beacon as I followed a few steps behind her. When she stopped abruptly, I almost ran into her. Luckily, I was paying enough attention to her body movements and hadn't ventured off into my own little pervy world.

When she turned around to face me, I diverted my eyes back down to the floor that which had now become my focal point. The last thing I needed was my Mistress to catch me staring at her ass. It was a stupid precaution to take, considering that less than five minutes ago I'd been trying to shove my tongue down her throat, but I was a firm believer of being better safe than sorry. There was nothing I could do about my previous actions; I could only make sure I didn't fucking repeat the same mistakes.

 _Yeah right, Cullen!_ My inner asshole laughed at me.

The distinct sound of a chair being dragged along the floor had caught my attention, and even though I had my gaze down, it was clear that she had pulled out a chair from the table.

"Eyes on me," she demanded in a stern tone. When I looked up, I saw that the chair was facing my direction, and my Mistress was patting the seat cushion. "Sit."

She watched me closely as I sat down on the brown leather seat. My reflexes to my Mistress' commands were getting quicker and quicker, and I was starting to realize that total obedience was the way to go. The fact that she had brought me to the dining room instead of the dungeon was a good sign. I mean, it was still unclear to me what she had in mind for me, and even though I knew she was putting the chastity belt on me, it was still looking like the better option.

_What is she going to do?_

"Now, put your hands behind your back," my Mistress whispered into my ear.

I placed my hands behind the back of the chair and I felt Bella grab a hold of my wrists as she tied them tightly together. She yanked down on my arms roughly, and although it was jarring, it wasn't painful. It just made sitting upright in the chair nearly impossible. The restraints that she wrapped around my wrists were being tied to the legs of the chairs, and once my arms were fully secured, my Mistress came around to the front and did the same thing to my legs.

Staring at her as she tightened the knots, I started to wonder when she got the rope. I hadn't seen her get them when I followed her into dining room and they weren't anywhere near when I set the table earlier. The only option I could've figured was that she had acquired the rope when I was on my knees in the foyer. I mean, it did take her a  _long_ time to get back to me when she got home…Fuck!

_Did she plan this?_

I wished for the millionth time that I could read her mind. It was so frustrating to be so exposed to her but not having the slightest fucking clue of what was going on in that pretty little head of hers. There were times that she gave me glimpses into her thoughts, and I relished in those moments, but more often than not, I was left to decode her fucking words on my own.

But it just wasn't just the  _need_  to know what she was thinking; I wanted to be able to ask her questions, too. I wanted to figure what lies beneath that cool exterior, and most of all, I wanted to know about her relationship with James. As much as I tried not to focus on it, I needed to know who he was and what he meant to her.

_Fuck him! What did I mean to her?_

The fucked up part was that unless my Mistress divulged that information willingly, there was a good possibility that I would always be in the dark with her.

What were the god damned odds that the only girl I'd ever gave shit about knowing would be the only one I would probably never know anything about?

_Karma…you vindictive bitch._

"Stay," she said cheekily as she rose to her feet.

My Mistress was toying with me, and as I watched her sashay out of the room, I started to get excited for what she had in store for me. Granted, I wasn't sure how a chastity belt would fit and I was a little nervous about that, but the fact she hadn't put me back on that wooden horse was a win.

The dinner I prepared for her was still on the table, untouched, and getting cold. Luckily I ate before I went and got waxed. When my mom explained the menu of tofu place, I practically puked in my mouth. Even now, just thinking about it grossed me out, and I had to focus on that cheeseburger I had before I came home to soothe my stomach.

_Fuck, I may die at thirty of a god damned heart attack, but at least I won't have to ingest that shit._

Five minutes and twenty-three seconds later, my Mistress returned with a clear, plastic object in her hand. She had unbuttoned her blouse and pulled it out from her skirt. She placed the unknown items that were in her hands on the table behind me.

"How are your wrist and ankles? Are they too tight?" she asked me as she got on her knees in front of me.

"No, Mistress," I replied hoarsely.

_What the fuck?_

She nodded in understanding, a small smile playing on her lips. I watched as she started separating a few circular rings, lining them in a roll on my thigh. She stood up and reached up behind me, grabbing the rest of her supplies. When she sat back down, she looked up and narrowed her eyes at me.

"I'll try to be quick when putting this on, but I need you to control your urges. Can I trust you do that?" she asked skeptically.

Unsure of what she met, I complied anyway. "Yes, Mistress."

"Alright. This is a chastity belt, Edward. Have you ever seen one of these?" She questioned as she held up the plastic object that I seen earlier, but now that I had a better look at it, it resemble a cup that an athlete would wear, except it was clear and shaped more like a flaccid penis. It had an opening at the tip of the head of the device, and I assumed that was where I would urinate through. The belt was also vented with tiny holes on the side of the faux shaft so my cock could fucking breathe.

All and all, it wasn't what I fucking expected.

It was a little ignorant and medieval of me, but I assumed that the chastity belt would be in a shape of a metal diaper depends. It was an image I had acquired through stupid movies and my own lack of knowledge. I admit it was an uneducated impression, and usually I would've looked this shit up, but I just fucking didn't.

"Now, I brought several rings because I won't know which one is the perfect fit until I try them all on for size," Bella explained as she pointed to the rings that she placed on my thigh.

"Will it hurt?" I blurted out.

_Fuck!_

She shook her head absentmindedly, picking up the largest ring, and bringing it up to her eye level. "The belt is not about pain, Edward. It's about learning how to maintain control," she paused, glancing up at me. "I also find that my previous Sub's find the whole experience to be erotic. It's the constant reminder that underneath all of their clothes is the belt and that I am the only one who holds the key to their pleasure. It's one way they can feel close to me at all times."

I went to open my mouth, but snapped it shut. She let my slip slide the first time, but if I kept on speaking without being addressed, I was positive that she would become irritated with my disrespect.

However, my Mistress had saw this out of the corner of her eye, and looked back up at me. The expression on her face wasn't one of anger, but a look of curiosity.

"Do you have a question, Edward?" she asked, smirking.

"Yes, Mistress…" I paused. She waved her hand for me to continue. "You said that I can wear this belt underneath my clothes and at all times?"

She chuckled. "Yes, you can and you will."

"For how long?" I asked, incredulously.

"For however long it takes," she answered as she placed the largest ring around the base of penis. She sighed in frustration.

She then turned back to the next size, and I could see her hands moving quickly. It seemed that time was of the essence. It was obvious to me now what she meant when she asked me to control my urges. It was hard for me not to focus on the fact that her soft hands were touching me, and it didn't matter if the contact wasn't sexual in nature. My Mistress was handling my cock and I didn't know how long I would be able to keep it down.

"Edward, if you can't keep yourself under control, I won't be able to put this belt on," she growled as she flicked the head of my penis.

The strong stinging sensation was quite the distraction, and before long, my Mistress had the right ring around the base of my shaft, and the cup was holding onto my penis securely. The relief that I was able to keep myself in check long enough for her to put on the device was a small victory. The closing of the little pad-lock had brought my attention back to my Mistress, who had removed the key from the lock and was slipping it into her blouse pocket.

"That's more like it," she said appreciatively as she stood up.

It was the weirdest feeling to have my cock wrapped in hard plastic. It even looked a little odd, but the belt was in place, and that was one of the things on my Mistress' list that could be checked off.

"Now," she said, bringing my concentration back on her. "I've been thinking about your punishment tonight, Edward. The dinner that you've _supposedly_  prepared for me is, in fact, the number eight menu item at my favorite tofu restaurant. Not to say I  _wasn't_  impressed with your efforts, it just wasn't what I've asked from you," she smiled deviously, pulling another chair out, but placing this one directly in front of me and only a foot away. "Then that little stunt of yours in the foyer was something I couldn't overlook, but it did give me the inspiration for your punishment tonight."

_Oh, this can't be good._

"I'm hoping that this will be the last time I will have to punish you, because truthfully, I don't enjoying disciplining my Subs. It's the worst part of the gig. I prefer a well-behaved Submissive, but I just can't over-look your behavior, either. How else are you going to learn?" she asked, leaning over the top of the chair.

The blouse that she was wearing was opened just enough for me to see her cleavage, and I quickly looked away from that patch of creamy alabaster. Any other guy in my position would've stared down those tits until they lit up in flames, but I knew what the consequences were for my arousal.

_It is complete and total sexual dissatisfaction._

She laughed. "Your attraction for me is outstanding, do you know that?"

I closed my eyes and nodded slowly. It was the only thing I was ever fucking aware of and I highly doubted that she just came to that conclusion.

She circled around the chair and took a seat. The closeness of the chairs was making it impossible for us to share the same space, and in the process Bella had to sit with her legs slightly open. The flash of something pink caught my eye, and at first I'd assumed it was her panties, but I was so wrong...

_Oh, fuck me!_

From the time it took me to look away from her glorious breasts and her taking a seat across from me, my Mistress had acquired a hot pink, penis-shaped vibrator. It was decent in size and very fucking life-like. It had all the parts, the head, the veiny texture…it was fucking awesome.

The little toy that she produced fucking floored me, and like a car crash, I couldn't seem to look away.

"Have you ever witness a woman pleasuring herself?" she asked, coyly.

"No, Mistress," I replied, gulping loudly.

She smiled as she lifted her hips off the seat, and hiked her skirt up so I could see her black lace panties that lay beneath. It was like somebody had punched me in the stomach and all my fucking oxygen left my body as I sat frozen, gasping in tiny amounts of air like a fish. Staring at the scene before me, my Mistress lowered herself back into the chair, parting her legs slightly. It was at this time that I actually allowed myself to take a closer look at what she was showing me. The black lace was thin and didn't hide much, and from my point of view, I could clearly see the folds of her lips as they engulfed the fabric of her panties.

It drove me fucking ape-shit, because even though I had her hot pussy on my lap before, I'd never expected her to display it so grandly. My attraction to her had me shifting in my seat, pulling my wrist against the tight ropes, itching to get set free so I could feel the lace against my tongue. I was getting hot from the neck up, the flames licking at my insides, and as I adjusted my position in the chair again, I felt the distinct pinching of my cock as the chastity belt kept it pinned down within its borders.

"Shit," I hissed quietly.

My Mistress bit down on her bottom lip as she propped her right leg up on my left thigh as she slouched down in her chair. She then placed her fingers in her mouth and sucked on them, making noises I never heard come from a woman in my life.

Pinch.

"Mmm," she hummed as she removed her fingers from her mouth.

There was so much going on at one time, and I couldn't decide what part of it I wanted to look at more. The way she worked her fingers made my mouth go dry, but then there was the obvious jackpot that lay down below. It was the conflict of interest and like a god damned cartoon character I kept on shooting quick glances back and forth between the two. It wasn't until my Mistress solved that little dilemma for me because she reached down with her glistening fingers, pushing the lacy fabric away and started to rub her middle finger up and down in between her folds…

Pinch.

The pain of the chastity belt was drawing my attention away from the action, and I wanted to be set free from both of my binds that kept me imprisoned. I wanted to help assist her with her ministrations, letting my fingers be the one to enter her wet pussy. Most of all, I wanted my cock to be freed from that evil bastard that was pushing him down.

_Did she have any fucking idea what she is doing to me?_

My Mistress' brown eyes were now black with lust as she slipped one of her fingers inside, throwing her head back, and moaning loudly.

Pinch.

The way she worked her fingers into frenzy had me fucking captivated, and as much as I tried to get closer, I knew it was fruitless. The fact of the matter was that my role in this little session was that I was an observer. My Mistress didn't want me participating; she wanted me to watch as she came apart in front of me. That wasn't even the worst part. What sucked was that she made it a point to put the belt on me first.

She knew I wouldn't be able to contain my excitement...

_Was this my punishment?_

"Mmm, that feels so good," my Mistress purred as she tickled her clit with her thumb.

This was fucking heaven and hell all mixed in one. God, she was so beautiful that it fucking hurt, the way her locks cascaded over her petite shoulders. I loved watching her because every time she caressed her sweet center with her tiny fingers she would shudder with pleasure. These were the things that were making me so fucking happy to be alive and to be able to witness it firsthand. It was a euphoric high, and if it wasn't for the fucking belt squeezing the shit out of my cock, I would be coming all over myself and her.

Pinch.

The biggest hindrance was the fact that even though my Mistress was fingering herself right in front of me, I still couldn't see anything. It was selfish of me, but if I couldn't feel her or taste her, I wanted to be able to see  _all_ of her. She was still fully clothed and her panties kept blocking my view, and from this angle, I could see that my Mistress was obviously hairless down there, but I didn't know if she was completely shaven or had one of those fucking landing strips.

_Fuck! Landing strips are hot!_

Suddenly, my Mistress sat up in her chair and removed her fingers. It was the saddest moment in my life, but when she leaned over towards me, placing her drenched fingers against my lips, I realized that shit was just getting started.

"Taste," she instructed.

I opened my mouth and closed my eyes, and when I tasted the sweet nectar of My Mistress, I wrapped my lips around her fingers like a vice and proceeded to suck up every ounce of her juices with my tongue. It wasn't enough for me, because once I got that taste in my mouth, knowing exactly what it was, I needed more.

"That's enough, Edward," my mistress chastised as she pulled out her fingers. She smiled at me as she grabbed the vibrator from her seat, placing the head of it against my lips. "Open up."

It wasn't like I had a choice in the matter and even though it felt a little odd sticking a vibrator in my mouth, I still felt compelled to do it. However, it didn't taste as good as my Mistress did, and it depressed me to have the last flavor on my taste buds be something that was rubbery and synthetic.

"Suck it," she spat as she shoved the vibrator deep in my throat. Doing as she told me, I started to suck on the vibrator, moving my mouth up and down the shaft. "Mmm, I like this. You suck cock very well."

The encouragement in her tone had me sucking even harder, and the need to please her was all I could fucking think about now. I wanted her to see how well I can behave and how I could follow simple instructions. It was the only thing I could relay to her. If she only knew the depths I would go for her or how much she drove me into frenzy…

Pinch.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

My Mistress finally removed the vibrator from my mouth, sitting back down in her chair, and propped her leg on mine like before. She switched on the vibrator on to a high speed, and a loud hummed penetrated my ears.

"Do you wish that this was you?" my Mistress asked seductively as she parted her lips with her fingers, finally showing me the full view of her slickness.

I nodded fervently, gulping down bucket full of salvia. "Yes, Mistress…I do, very much."

"Mmm, that's what I thought. Do you wish that your cock was out of that belt so it can do this?" she questioned as she put the head of the vibrator on her clit, and then moving it downward towards her entrance.

"Yes, Mistress."

"Do you want to know what it feels like to be inside of me? To feel how tight I am?" she moaned as she pushed the head of the vibrator into her pussy.

Pinch. Pinch. Pinch.

"Yes, Mistress," I growled.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she inserted the vibrator the remainder of the way, fully sheathing it deep within. The movements of her hands were nothing but a blur as she pounded and pumped it fiercely. The whimpers that escaped her mouth were fucking torture, and as much I wanted to stop watching to end this sweet torture, I couldn't look away. It was erotic and sensual watching her fuck herself with that hot pink dick. Each time she pulled it out, covered it in her juices, my cock twitched with anticipation.

"Oh, god," she purred as she shoved it back in.

_Oh god, why do you fucking hate me?_

The sweat was pouring down her forehead as she writhed with pleasure, making her pussy clench tightly around the device. I could see it her face, the way her brow furrowed with concentration…she was close to coming.

The smacking noise of the vibrator against her slick skin was increasing by the minute as she picked up the pace. She placed her free hand that was fondling her breasts on her clit, rubbing the nub in a circular motion.

Pinch. Fucking pinch!

My hands were clenched into fists and all my muscles were tightened as I anticipated her explosion. The one thing I wanted more than to have her taste on my tongue again was to watch my Mistress come in front of me. I needed to see it with my own eyes and I needed to hear her cries of ecstasy with my own ears.

 _Come, baby, come!_ I chanted in my head as I watched her closely.

"Oh, shit," she shouted as she pounded the vibrator harder into her pussy.

She cried one last time before her whole body tensed up. The hand that was working wonders on that little nub of hers had stopped completely and the pink god that had been fucking her was now slowing down. She moved it in and out of her a couple more times before taking it out completely. Her arms and legs went limp as a small smile graced her lips.

_I was right. She's fucking beautiful when she comes._

Pinch.

The hum of the vibrator on high speed and both of our heavy panting was the only sound in the room. Everything was in complete harmony…well, except for my massive fucking blue balls. That shit fucking hurts.

My Mistress finally opened her eyes as she sat up in her chair. She looked down at the chastity belt, inspecting my poor, deprived cock. She laughed. "Do you know what my two favorite colors are?"

I shook my head.

"Red and blue," she answered as she placed the vibrator into my mouth. "Suck."

Fuck, she didn't have to ask me twice. I was wanting to suck on that vibrator the moment she brought it to my lips. It was dripping of my Mistress' flavor and I sucked it until every last drop was gone. There was nothing sweeter than her and I could eat her all day long.

"Mmm, look at you. I swear, I love watching you suck on Mr. Pinky," she said, removing it from my mouth. "Is it clean?"

"Yes, Mistress," I replied.

_I devoured every bit._

"Man," she said, stretching as she patted her stomach. "I am starving."


	16. Blurring Perceptions

**Chapter Fifteen**

**~Blurring Perceptions~**

Time was moving at an achingly slow pace as I sat in the lobby at Chicago Metro Hospital, waiting for my father. My impatience was kind of surprising me because I'd only been seated for ten minutes and the hospital had plenty of magazines to keep me occupied; I guess I was just terrible at waiting.

The fact of the matter was that I wanted this whole thing done and over with so I could get back to my Mistress. From the very moment I got up this morning, I'd been consumed with thoughts of her. She was everywhere I looked and, for some reason, it changed the way I saw certain things. The world was a much brighter and vibrant place, and for the first time in  _weeks_ , I had a little pep in my step. Which, normally would've been fucking great, but considering how I'd been lately, it was going to be like a red flag to anyone who crossed my path…people like my father.

_Jesus._

I sighed loudly as I flipped through the glossy pages of  _Car and Driver._

There was no way in Hell I was going to be able to pull this off. It was so stupid of me to ask my father to do all the blood work for my STD tests. Yesterday, it seemed like a fucking novel idea, and I'd been so blinded by my own arrogance, finishing each task on the list in such a speedy fashion, that I fucking forgot to take into account that I was putting my sex life out on display for my  _father_. He was an inquisitive man by nature and he  _was_  going to confront me on this shit.

_How am I going to keep my private life…private?_

The thing was, my father never asked me about my sex life or shit of that nature, but I never brought it up to him either. My parents and I only told one another things on a need-to-know basis. And if I would've been in the right frame of mind yesterday, I would've realized that this was definitely not one of those need-to-know topics.

But that wasn't the only reason why I was so nervous about this appointment with him. As stressed as I was, I still couldn't keep the smile off of my  _stupid_  face.

The punishment that my Mistress gave me last night was so god damned erotic; it left me a changed fucking man. Even though I had the worst case of blue balls for the last week, I couldn't seem to give a shit. Every time I focused on that imagery of her tiny fingers wrapped around the vibrator as it slipped in and out of her, the belt would tighten around my cock and the whole process would repeat itself.

She was right—it was a constant reminder that everything that my Mistress did to me was bittersweet torture. I was salivating for her and continuingly wanting more. The crazy part about last night was that, in the end, I'd been left so unbelievably satisfied and I didn't even get to come. It was hard for me to put into words how she made me feel and the only way I could come close to describing it was by comparing it to the time that I'd lost my virginity...but this was so much  _better_.

The first time I'd been with a girl, physically, had been like hitting the jack-pot and nothing in my life after that could  _ever_  come close to beating that experience. In fact, I spent most of my whoring days looking for a way to duplicate that high and I always found myself coming up disappointed.

But last night, something shifted inside of me, changing my perspective of sex, and the whole notion of physical intimacy was broadened.

Just being able to watch my Mistress come undone before my eyes was so fucking… _amazing_. If I had a choice to give up all my orgasms and spend eternity witnessing her quiver, twitch, and moan with ecstasy…I would do it.

 _You're insane, Cullen,_  my inner prick mocked me.

It didn't matter to me how fucking idiotic it sounded, it was still true. The very thought of it had me grinning like a fool…

_Shit!_

How was I going to hide this from my father?

I mean, just the day before I'd been cocky, surly, and pretty god damned temperamental. My jovial mood was going to tip my father off to the fact that there was more to the story than the brief synopsis that I'd given him originally. Well, I really didn't give him much of a reason as to why I needed the test done. I asked, he accepted, and I didn't stick around to answer any probing questions.

_God, he's going to know._

What the Hell was I even doing here? What I should've fucking done was call him back, cancel my God damned appointment, and go set it up somewhere else.

"Edward!"

_Shit…too late._

I looked up from the magazine that I'd been staring at for the last five minutes and saw my dad hovering over me, smiling. He was dressed in his grey suit with a white crisp lab coat thrown over top. He looked really fucking happy to see me and that made me nervous, because inside I was in full blown panic mode. Constantly sweating bullets as I tried to figure out how I was going to manage to hide all my secrets from him.

_Play it cool, Cullen._

"Hey, Dad," I replied blandly, throwing the magazine down, and standing up to shake his hand.

"How are you, Son? How is school?" he asked as he patted me on the shoulder with his free hand.

I shrugged. "Good. I finish my last two finals on Wednesday, but I won't know what my grades are until they are posted online next week."

"Well, I have no doubt that you'll get good marks," he smiled genuinely. "Did you drink lots of water like I asked of you?"

"Yes, Dad," I chuckled; amused that he was getting straight to the point. "You know, I did take two years of biology in high school."

It never ceased to amaze me how he could be my father one minute and the do-gooder doctor the next. He had a way of flip-flopping on us, and I always chalked it up as an occupational hazard. It was like that with a lot of people, and I started to wonder if Bella had that same problem. I mean, did she get all dominating on her students or all get all teacher-like with her subs?  _Maybe_  she had a ruler she liked to beat her submissives with.

_Hmmm…_

"So, your mom wanted me to inform you that it's the boy's last day at school today, and that Alice is going to pick them up," my dad said, leading me out of the lobby and towards the elevators.

"Why is she having Alice pick them up? I don't mind doing it. I mean, especially since it's their last day and all," I stated, slightly panicked.

Picking up the twins had been one of the highlights of my day for the last three weeks, and the thought of not seeing them was freaking me out.

"Well, they have some birthday party to go to after school and your mom thought it would be simpler for Alice to take them," my dad explained.

_Simpler…for who?_

"Seriously, she doesn't need to go all out of her way. I mean, I am more than happy to still do it, dad," I gently protested.

He looked at me, a little confused by my insistence, as we waited for the elevator doors to open. "I know you can, Edward, but, despite of what you may think, it's still much easier to have Alice pick them up. For one, she already has the presents for the birthday boy and she also needs to be there to watch them. It's a nice thing you've been doing for your brothers, but your mother and I can't expect you to keep rearranging your life like that."

"It hasn't been that big of a rearrangement," I disagreed, shaking my head. "I've really enjoyed picking up the boys."

"I know," he nodded, smiling to himself.

The doors to the elevator opened and as soon as we were in, my dad pushed the button for the third floor. We both fell silent as we waited side by side in the small space, listening to God awful elevator music. The thought of not picking up the boys today really shook me to the core and I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't get to see them. I mean, I know I originally used them to get close to Bella, but in that process, I really bonded with them as well. Each day after I picked them up from school we would go to McDonald's to get our Happy Meals and just have a good time. Those kids were so much fun to be around and they were constantly making me laugh at their antics.

When the elevator doors opened, my dad took a left and led me straight to examination room three-twelve. The hospital had gone through some remodels and the upgrades that were pretty high-tech and each room had a pad-lock to them that you had to put in a code to get in.

"This is new," I commented as my dad opened the door.

He chuckled, allowing me to walk in ahead of him. "Yes, it's quite nice. It makes it easier to keep supplies in the room. You remember when we had that problem a few months ago with the thievery?" I nodded, getting myself situated on the examining bed. "Well, this has been one of the ways the hospital took action to stop it."

"That's cool. I like it. The floors are nice, too. What is that, marble?" I asked curiously as I stared at the floors, marveling at the gold grains.

However, he never answered me, and when I looked up, I saw that my dad was standing by the door with a tortured expression on his face.

_Oh shit…._

"Edward, can I ask you a question?" he asked, taking a step towards me. "Bear in mind that you don't have to tell me,  _but_  I am still hoping that you do."

"Fair enough," I answered hesitantly, unsure what direction he was going with this.

"Why are you doing  _this_  test? I know that you're a young man, and it would be naïve of me to assume that you were being celibate until marriage, but are you concerned that you may have contracted an STD?" he questioned, brow furrowing with worry.

I stared at him blankly as I tried to come up with a logical reason, but without sounding like a whore or admitting to him that I had a girlfriend—well, Mistress—kind of left me lost for words.

_What the fuck am I going to tell him?_

Every time I went to open my mouth, I thought better of it. The seconds kept ticking by and as my silence continued, I realized that it wasn't buying me any extra time like I hoped. All it was doing was increasing my dad's apprehension. His concern for me was written all over his face as his eyes traveled along my body, frantically looking for any sign of trauma. I needed to say something soon before my dad insisted on giving me a head-to-toe physical assessment. The belt was still firmly secured and padlocked to my junk and I wasn't about to agree to a 'turn my head and cough' examination.

"No," I answered defensively. "Jesus, Dad. I don't have anything, I promise. I'm just trying to be more aware and conscientious of my health."

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Man, I saw this shit coming at me from a mile away. My dad was going to see through any reason I gave him, call bullshit, and continue to back me into a corner. The clear blue eyes of his were like a God damned lie detector, and it was only a matter of time before I cracked.

_How in the fuck am I going to get myself out of this predicament?_

The reality of the situation was that I was going to have to fess up and tell him the truth—well, not the part that involved Bella or the fact that she owned me. No, I had to finally come clean about my previous sexual activities and make him believe that this was still the case.

That was when it hit me. It was about a year or so ago with Irina Foster…

"The condom broke," I said suddenly.

"Your condom broke?" my dad asked in a voice that was barely audible.

I nodded feverishly. "Yeah, like a week or so ago. There was this girl that I met at a night club and one thing led to another…" I paused when I saw disappointment wash over my dad's face. I sighed defeatedly, but soldiered on. "Well, it wasn't until afterwards that I realized what had happened and although she said that she was clean as a whistle, I still wanted to be sure."

"Did she take a pregnancy test?" he asked evenly.

Thinking back to that time with Irina, I couldn't remember if she did or not, but since I hadn't heard from her in some time, I was assuming that she was still without child.

"Yes," I answered slowly and semi-confidently.

"Is that a yes you  _know_  she did or yes, you have no idea if she did or not, Edward?" my dad's voice was rising in volume and tinged with irritation.

"I didn't see her pee on a stick, if that's what you're asking. I just know for a fact that she's not pregnant," I replied heatedly.

He scoffed, shaking his head. "How do you know this, son? Huh? You said all this happened a week ago?" He leaned against the counter, folding his arms over his chest, and looked at me expectantly. "What is the real reason for getting this test, son? Is it for a girl?" he paused, eyeing me carefully. I never flinched. "Because don't get me wrong, the 'condom broke' was a very convincing story until you acted so blasé about this girl being pregnant. I know you, Edward. You would never treat a situation like that so casually, and I know for a fact that you would've never come to me if you really thought you might have something."

I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair at a rapid pace. The shit had finally hit the fan. I was caught and I fucking knew it. It was stupid to come here, and I should've known better, but what exactly did he want from me?

"It's complicated," I replied candidly.

"What do you mean, 'it's complicated'?"

_Well, fuck it. I am going to Hell anyways._

"Well, the girl that I have recently started seeing for one," I spoke quietly, staring at my hands as I fidgeted like a kid who was being punished.

There was an eerie silence that drifted into the small room that hovered over us like a massive storm cloud. It left me slightly uneasy as I waited for the gauntlet to fall, but nothing happened. Taking a chance, I peeked up at my father, and I saw that he was...smiling? He was in the exact same pose he was before I dropped my bombshell. The only difference now was that shit-eating grin that stretched from ear to ear.

_What the fuck?_

"You have a girlfriend? Well, this a pleasant surprise," he beamed.

"She's not exactly my girlfriend, Dad. That's the complicated part," I stated forlornly.

"Woman are complicated, Son. It's the name of the game," he lectured as he moved about the room, gathering his supplies. He looked over his shoulder and smirked at me. "Is she worth the trouble?"

I chuckled. "Like you wouldn't believe."

He came around to where I was seated and started setting his supplies on the table that stood adjacent to me. He pulled a stool from the corner and sat down. I watched him with curiosity as the doctor came out in him. He was tying off my upper arm with a tourniquet as I waited anxiously for his response. My father was so focused as he tapped the inside of my elbow, trying to rouse my antecubital vein. He shook his head and smiled. "You sound like a man in love, Edward."

_Wait…what? Love? Is he kidding me?_

"No, Dad. It's not that serious," I disputed.

"It's not?" he asked doubtfully as he put on gloves and began swabbing my arm with rubbing antiseptic. "I find that a little hard to believe. I mean, why go through all the trouble of getting tested for a girl you're not serious about?" he eyed me carefully, watching for my reaction, but I fell silent. He nodded knowingly. "That's what I figured. You know, your mother and I have been noticing the slight changes in your behavior for some time now."

Maybe it was because I was already on edge or perhaps it was the fact that my dad was coming at me with a large needle, but his comment didn't sit well with me, and I reacted defensively.

"So, that's what you guys do? Just sit around and talk about my so-called 'love life'?" I asked angrily.

"Hardly, Edward," he chuckled as he stuck the needle into my vein. I grimaced slightly, and once my blood started filling the vials, I had to turn away before I got sick. "Your mother just happened to mention it to me that Sunday when you came to dinner. She felt as though you were really trying to hide something from us."

_Fuck me._

It was quite annoying how spot-on my mom was with her intuition. She had a way of looking at her kids and knowing straight off the bat if something was wrong. It was why I think she pushed me to take that teaching class at the YMCA. I think she saw me heading down a disastrous path of self destruction and she knew she had to make that choice to intervene.

"That's crazy," I laughed nervously. "I think Mom needs to start pruning bushes or something, because that woman has way too much time on her hands."

He narrowed his eyes at me as he pulled out the last vial and needle. He placed a cotton swab on my arm and sighed heavily. "I understand if you're not ready to admit what you're feeling to me, but at some point in time, you're going to have to at least acknowledge it yourself."

"Dad, I swear—"

"Hold this," he interrupted, gesturing to the piece of cotton.

Complying with his instructions, I watched as he turned in his stool, placing my vials on the counter, and spinning back to me with a piece of tape. Once I was all taped up and pretty much ready to go, I realized with fucking certainty that I wasn't going to be allowed to leave yet. My father was in full heart to heart mode, and I internally groaned.

This conversation wasn't going to go well for me, because there were so many factors that he just didn't understand. He said that I was in love and I had to admit that to myself, but he had no idea what Bella was to me or what I was to her.

Fuck, I didn't know much about her, except perhaps her favorite flogger was and that she was a huge fan of turkey, but that was hardly something one could build a relationship off of.

"Trust me, Dad. There's nothing I need to admit to myself about this girl I am seeing. Like I said, it's complicated. You wouldn't understand," I said, frustrated.

"Well, help me understand. I mean, this girl sounds like a very important person in your life. Even if you won't fess up about it, I can still see it…" he paused, pointing to his eyes. "It's all right here, Son. Do you know that a person's eyes are the windows to their true feelings and that the way they react to certain things can be seen by the simple dilation of their pupils? You may say one thing, Edward, but your eyes tell me something different."

His simple truth was startling because it hit so close to home. How many times did I look into Bella's eyes to gauge her feelings for me, and how many times did I actually get what I was looking for? The candor behind my dad's words scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to love Bella…I didn't think I knew how. All I knew how to be was a well-behaved submissive and even that I failed at over half the time.

I laughed bitterly. "That's a bunch of psycho-babble."

"Defensive mechanism. It's more serious than I thought," he said thoughtfully.

The tightness in my stomach was increasing with every passing second as my father pondered my words, looking deeper into my meanings. It felt so weird to be under the microscope, examined so closely like this; I had to get out of there. The air was getting denser and I needed space to breathe.

"Are we done?" I asked, panicked.

He gazed up at me, searching my eyes, and I quickly turned away from him.

"Yeah, we're done. I should have the results for you next week," he stated defeatedly.

Sliding off the table, I patted my dad on his shoulder as I walked past him. He smiled weakly at me and I felt like such a prick. All he was doing was trying to be a father to me and I treated him like shit in return. It was one of the many things I was doing in order to keep my life with Bella a secret and I briefly wondered who I was going to hurt next.

"I'll see you next week for Christmas, Dad," I told him as I reached out for the door handle, but I stood frozen by the door, watching him closely as he turned to face me.

"Will you be coming alone?"

I shrugged. "Don't I always?"

"Yes, you do," he replied sadly.

I gave him one severe nod in understanding as I waved over my shoulder. Once I was out of that room and away from his penetrating gaze, my feet started moving at a fast and steady pace, and they didn't stop their trajectory until I was out of my father's reach. It had taken me less than five minutes to get out of the building and into the parking lot.

I pulled out my cigarettes from my coat pocket with my shaky fingers.

"Come on, fucker," I swore as I tried to get control over my nerves by shoving the cigarette in my mouth and lighting it.

The lies and deceit were starting to take its toll on me. As I inhaled in my cigarette deeply, finishing the cancer stick in less than a minute flat, I realized as I pulled out the next one to smoke, how everything was starting to affect my health.

If I didn't get a hold of myself soon, I knew that everything that I built was going to come crashing down on me. The carefully created world of lies and fuckery would fall and end, becoming nothing but a long distant memory. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew I would be fucking lost without it.

' _It'_ was essentially Bella.

**~~~88~~~88~~~88~~~88~~~88~~~**

"I have Mr. Harrison coming in at eight-thirty. Stay here with Angela, Edward," Bella spouted out demands the moment we walked into her dungeon.

It was Friday night, and as planned, I was obligated to accompanying her to her place of work. The car drive over here was a quiet one, seeming to sum up how the whole week had been between us. She never really offered up any conversation with me, and to be honest, I was too wrapped in my own shit to really even notice.

 _It's been a long fucking week,_  I thought tiredly.

When I came home from the hospital on Tuesday, I knew I had to do something to get my mind off what my dad had told me. Because the more his words sat and festered inside of me the more I feared that what he said was true, and that wasn't something I was just readily to accept.

So, I did what I do best and I pushed that shit deep down inside as worked out all my frustrations by sweating. Bella had a nice little gym set up on the west side of her house and I must've run on her fucking treadmill for at least an hour, fighting with myself the entire time. When I was done with that, I moved on to weight lifting, and when that shit wasn't working, I decided to make my Mistress happy and opted to do head-to-toe cleaning of her house—which just goes to show how fucking desperate I really got.

There was no one I could talk to about this shit, either. In a sense, I was on my own little deserted island of fucking misery.

As soon as Bella left the room, I went around the front desk and sat next to Angela. I slumped down in my chair, pouting like a five year old. I kept glancing at Angela out of the corner of my eye every two seconds, but she never looked my way as she chewed mercilessly on her pen's cap. The tension was growing between us, and by the time I stopped giving a shit about what her problem was, she decided that was when I needed to be clued in on her little mood.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" she asked, glaring at me.

I scoffed. "At the moment? No."

"This is so jacked. I can't believe Bella is taking you on as a Sub. I  _told_  her that she was making a huge fucking mistake, but she's the older sister and she knows best," she sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

The turn of conversation was surprising to me and I sat up erect in my chair, gawking at her. "Wait. Bella is your sister?"

"Yeah, but I am considering disowning her based on stupidity alone," she sneered.

Suddenly, the fog lifted and my thoughts were clearer as I realized that Angela was my gateway into Bella's life. Even though she was pissed, I realized that she wasn't mad at me; instead she was furious with her sister.

"You said that you told her that she was making a mistake with me, but she didn't listen?" I asked trying to coax a confession out of her.

"No, Bella is too stubborn to listen to anybody," she spat as she glanced at me, shrugging. "Oh well, she'll realize that I was right when this shit goes sour," she smiled sadly. "Not to be mean or anything, but you have to know that this is going to end badly."

I shook my head. "Bella had no choice, Angela. I am the one who forced her into this situation. I mean, I sort of blackmailed her into taking me on as her sub. If it ends badly, it's only because I fucked it up. If I stay on the straight and—"

"Blackmail? How did you blackmail her?" Angela interrupted.

"I kind of threatened that I would expose her to the school if she didn't take me on as her submissive," I answered sheepishly.

It sounded really bad when I said that shit out loud, and I half expected Angela to go all bat shit crazy on me, basically castrating me for mistreating her sister.

"Oh shit…are you an idiot or something?" she asked, laughing her ass off. "I mean, she's been playing you, dude. Man, that little vixen has still got it."

"What? What do you mean that  _she's_ been playing me?" I questioned, confused.

She sighed heavily. "Do you remember when you signed that consent form last Saturday?"

"Yeah," I nodded slowly.

"Well, when you signed that form, you agreed that anything that you see or hear in this establishment will remain private. So, you see, you couldn't have blackmailed her because she could've totally sued your ass for breach of contract. I swear, no one reads the fine print," she chuckled.

I stared at her blankly, trying to fucking comprehend what she was saying to me. Granted, it shouldn't have taken me so long to realize that Bella was the one who chose to make me her twenty-four seven submissive, and not once did I have any leverage over her. The rationale behind why she would do such a thing was still hazy and I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"See, it's a huge mistake," Angela said, finally deciding to put her two cents in.

"Why would she do it if she didn't have to? That's what I don't fucking get," I stated, irritated and confused with the entire situation. I rubbed my forehead roughly, hoping to cure the impending anxiety that was building.

"Why does anybody do anything, Edward? It's because she fucking wanted to, and believe me, I tried to tell her that she was going to hurt you, but she's so selfish," Angela said in a quiet but clear tone.

Selfish? Bella was selfish? How can she be selfish when she was giving me what I asked for? All the times that I stalked her at my brothers' school, trying to convince her to date me…It was hard to see her actions as selfish, especially after Monday night.

"I asked for this, Angela."

She raised her eyebrow at me skeptically. "No, you didn't. You  _think_  you know what's going on, but you don't have the slightest idea…" she paused, leaning in close. "You want the Bella that I know, the one who took care of me after our parents died—the sweet woman who loves to teach and would do anything for a perfect stranger in need.  _That's_  the Bella you can fall in love with and who I wished you knew, but it's not the one you got. You have the Domme, Edward—the cold, calculating Dominatrix that Aro trained. As much as you tried to push past that, it'll never happen. All you are to her is a Submissive. That's all you'll ever be."

"I don't believe that," I stated stubbornly, shaking my head.

"Oh no? Well, that's what that fuckwad, James, thought and now he's no longer in the picture. When she's in that mode, you can't get through to her. She's got these blinders on and all outside perception gets blurred." Angela's tone was final…case closed.

"So, James was her submissive?" I asked.

"Ah, so you've met Prince Charming?" Angela asked knowingly.

"Briefly," I said through clenched teeth.

"Well, he wasn't a sub of hers. He was more like her boyfriend. Now, how unbelievable is that?" she shook her head, waving me off. "Don't worry about him, he's an idiot. Good looking guy,  _obviously_ , but he's just too manipulative and a huge douche. I never liked him. You see, Bella dated him hoping to separate herself from this lifestyle, but she couldn't let that aspect of her life go and James fed off that. Ironically, he used it to try to control her," she rolled her eyes, laughing. "What a fucking moron."

The more Angela confessed to me the more I realized how fucking lost I was. She made it sound so hopeless with Bella, but I was too far in it. How could I ever explain to Angela that I was a bigger moron than James? I mean, at least the guy had an idea what Bella was about…I was always in the dark.

"Is Bella a sadist?" I blurted out.

Angela scoffed. "Only to herself maybe, and I think that's what you call a masochist? She punishes herself a lot and I don't know why. It's so stupid too, because I make fun of her all the time and tell her that she's such a God damned cliché!"

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"You know how people assume that all Domme's have mental issues? Well, my sister has never been raped or molested.  _However_ , the death of our parents in a car crash when she was eighteen really shook her to the core. She was always a responsible person, but imagine having to take care of your twelve year old sister when you're barely out of high school," she replied in a soft and depleted voice.

"I'm sorry," I said sympathetically as I reached out and rubbed her on the back.

She chuckled, wiping away traitorous tears from her face. She shied away from my touch and that was when I realized that in my effort to comfort her that I actually made her uncomfortable. I mean, I wasn't a friend to her, but just a worthless Submissive that belonged to her sister.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry," I muttered, pulling my hand away.

"No,  _I'm_  sorry. I get so emotional when I talk about my parents and what Bella sacrificed. Anyways, it's in the past. Things are better now," she told me as she grabbed the remote from the drawer beside her and turned on the flat screen.

We were both silent as we stared at the screen watching some chick flick, pondering quietly. My mind was filled with a new view of Bella. The coldness that she displayed at the school and the disconnection she had with me were things she did when she was on auto pilot. It was the way she was able to go through the motions without getting involved. The only time I'd ever witnessed the fire in her eyes was when she was being my Mistress. The fierce tone of her voice when she was dominating me was who she was, and even though Angela said I wanted that other side of her, I would have to disagree.

"Can I ask you a question, Ang?"

She turned in her chair to face me, nodding. "Sure."

"Why do you think that Bella led me to believe that I was blackmailing her?" I asked pensively.

"Honestly? I don't know. I asked her that night why she just didn't tell you to go fuck yourself, but that seemed to piss her off and she basically told me that I needed to mind my own business," she replied wistfully.

"Do you think I should walk away?" I asked cautiously.

_Not that I ever would._

"I don't think you really can, Edward. I see the way Bella affects you. I've  _never_  seen a guy so… _enthralled_  with my sister before. I mean, she's hot and guys want to bang her all the time," she stated bluntly, causing me to grimace slightly as my hands balled into tight fists, "but you don't look at her that way…it's more adoringly and like some love-sick pup."

"Your sister… _fascinates_  me," I murmured, taking a furtive glance at Angela.

She chuckled softly. "Well, I think  _you_  'fascinate' my sister as well—but if you tell her I fucking told you that, I will cut your fucking balls off!" She threatened, poking me hard in the chest with her finger.

As I went to open my mouth to pinky swear to her that her secret was safe with me, a guy entered from the side door, distracting me from my train of thought. He was an older man in a nice, expensive suit. He had thick white hair and I figured him to be in his early sixties. He quickly approached the front desk where Angela greeted him warmly. He kept taking quick glances at me, and at first his eyes showed a bit of uncertainty, but as Angela continued to talk to him, I saw that he was starting to get a bit more relaxed. By the time he left to the dungeon, the douche had winked at me at  _least_  two to three times.

_What the fuck, Grandpa?_

"Dude, that was  _fucking_  awkward," I commented as I slumped in my chair again, covering my chest protectively with my arms.

"Mr. Harrison?" Angela asked, laughing. "Oh, he's such a freak and  _clearly_  bi-sexual. Have you ever been scoped out by your own kind before?"

"That's just fucking wrong, woman," I hissed at her. She laughed even harder. "You do realize you're going to Hell for that, right?"

"Of course. I got my first class ticket. I like to fall into the depths of Hades in style," she smirked, punching me in the arm.

"God, you're like the little sister I never fucking wanted," I jeered as I turned my body away from her.

"Boo-fucking-who. You're breaking my heart over here," she cackled.

Even though Angela didn't really approve of me being Bella's submissive, I couldn't help but like her. She was sarcastic and really well-rounded. She was the third girl in my life that I found interesting. It was quite obvious to me that I'd been surrounding myself with air-heads and I would go as far as to say that Emmett's woman, Rose, was probably fucking kickass to talk with, too. However, she was still a bitch and hated me with a vengeance.

"Angela," Bella's voice broke the laughter between us and I searched frantically around the room for her.

Angela narrowed her eyes at me like I was a fucking moron as she held up her Nextel two-way phone, waving it in front of my face. She pushed in the button and sang into it. "Yes, my wonderful and slightly demented sister."

"Cut the shit and send Edward into the purple room," Bella's stern and firm voice replied over the phone.

The moment I heard my name, I reacted and sat straight up in my chair, confused as fuck as to why she would need me. All sorts of thoughts flashed through my head and I feared that she was in trouble. If that old fucker was hurting her in any way, I would fucking kill him.

"You want Edward in the purple room?" Angela repeated in confusion as she reached out to grab my arm and stilling me. She shook her head at me, pleading with her eyes to sit back down. "I mean, Mr. Harrison just got here and I already sent him to the purple room."

"I know." She said abruptly, followed by a long pause. "He's the one who requested Edward's presence."


	17. Russian Roulette

**Chapter Sixteen**

**~Russian Roulette~**

I laughed…

Well, at least, I think I did.

My mind was such a cluster fuck, I wasn't sure if I was laughing or crying. The shock I felt must've been written all over my face because Angela kept a close eye on me, watching any sudden movements I might make. It was apparent that I was a flight risk and she was concerned for my sanity at that point.

Was I cracking up?

I must've lost my fucking mind because there was no way I heard Bella tell Angela that Mr. Harrison wanted my company in the purple room.

No, I wasn't crazy. I heard that shit loud and clear, and so did Angela.

This had to be a fucking joke.

There must be a camera hidden somewhere and Bella was just punking me. Tomorrow she would replay the footage, we would have a few chuckles at my expense, and then we would go on our merry little way. That was the only logical explanation I could come up with, because the ladder was too fucking crazy.

"Okay," Angela's voice cut into my thoughts. "I'll send him in."

_What? Send me in where?_

There was no response from Bella, just a monotonous sound of static. Angela turned to me with her brow furrowed and bunched up; looking at me like her dog had just been ran over. The scene before me seemed so silly and I believe I laughed some more. Things were still fucking hazy to me, because even though I could hear the faint echo of my hysteric laughter, it was still so far away. I was completely removed from the situation.

I'm sure my guffaws were making me sound like a fucking lunatic, but I couldn't stop.

She sighed wearily as she reached over to gently rub my knee. "You have to go in there, Edward."

"No, I don't. It's a joke, Ang," I stated stubbornly, scooting away from her patronizing touch. "Be truthful with me. It's some sick and twisted prank that you and your sister are pulling on me, right?"

"God, I wish that were true," she groaned as she rubbed her forehead roughly.

The sincerity in her voice and the pity behind her eyes made shit pretty fucking obvious. The bitter truth was that she wasn't kidding. There was no elaborate plan to trick me. The reality of the situation was that Bella expected me to go in there with that old fucker!

_Is she out of her mind?_

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly. "Don't fuck around, Ang."

"Edward," she spoke calmly and directly. "These things happen."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What  _things_ , Angela? What the fuck are we talking about?"

"Ssh, you need to calm down," she said in a hushed tone as she tried reaching out for me to keep me seated.

However, I was too quick for her, and before she knew it, the chair was slamming up against the wall and I was pacing like a caged animal.

"No, I will not  _fucking_  calm down," I yelled as I pointed in the direction of the dungeon. "Is your sister  _serious_? Does she really want me to go in there with that…that… _freak_?"

She rose from her chair, running around the desk to me where I was having my mental breakdown. She pushed me,  _forcefully_ , towards the door. The sudden chill that penetrated my bones was quite startling and I was still unsure of what actually happened. Confused, I looked around my surroundings; somehow Angela managed to get us outside and into the parking garage. I couldn't even remember her opening that big metal door, but I was too busy freezing my nuts off now to try to figure how Houdini had done it.

"Yes, she's  _fucking_  serious, Edward," she said, reaffirming my worst fears, " _and_  you  _have_ to go back in there and do whatever she asks of you."

I scoffed. "The fuck I do. I didn't sign up for this shit, okay? What does she want me to do in there? I am not going to go suck some old guy's dick. I am sorry, but as much as I want to be with your sister, that shit is a hard fucking limit for me!"

"She's not going to make you suck anyone's dick," she chuckled, rolling her eyes.

I glared at her. "It's not funny, Angela."

"You're being ridiculous. Bella wouldn't make you perform a sexual act on a guy at her place of work. It's just not how we do business here. You're panicking over nothing," she stated coolly, waving me off.

I felt my body start to relax after her reassurance that no cock and balls would enter my mouth at Bella's place of work—I mean, not unless I become fucking double jointed or some shit.

"Wait," I said abruptly, my muscles preparing to tense once again. "What do you mean that she would never make me do it at her place of work? What about at home? Would she fucking make me do that at—"

"Look," Angela interrupted, "here's the deal. If you don't go in there and you don't submit to her, you might as well just fucking go home.  _This_  is a  _test_ , Edward. The most crucial fucking test you'll ever be put through and by resisting it, you are failing it," she paused, glancing behind her and then back at me. "The more time we waste sitting here chit-chatting, Bella is in the purple room waiting for you, and she's growing impatient. So you need to decide, right here and right now, if this is what you really want. If  _my_  sister,  _your_ Domme, is worth the trouble, no matter what it is."

The clock was ticking and I was still undecided. There was no telling what Bella had planned for me in the purple room. It was hard thing for me to budge on because when Mr. Harrison gave me the shifty eyes, my stomach had rolled…how was I going to feel if Bella demanded that I do stuff to him? Could I fucking handle that? Was she fucking worth the humiliation and thousands of dollars of therapy it would cause?

"I can't do it," I murmured, taking a couple steps away from her.

Angela watched me warily as I put more distant between us. The expression on her face was filled with such turmoil. It left me feeling slightly uneasy. I mean, if she was conflicted over this shit, I wondered what my fucking face looked like.

"If you leave, you  _can't_  come back. She'll be done with you. She won't care if you're sorry or if you beg her for her forgiveness, she'll know that you weren't sub material. That will be it. Do you understand what that means? I mean…is that really what you want, Edward?" she asked slowly and precisely.

The finality of Angela's words made me take pause and I was suddenly reminded of the car accident I'd witnessed eight years ago. Some crazy asshole on his crotch rocket was weaving in and out of traffic like a mad man, taking all these risk, putting himself and innocent drivers in danger.

In one split second, he made the choice to cut in front of a station wagon, which instantly clipped the back of his bike, sending him into a massive tailspin. The man lost control and went splat on the Kennedy Expressway at nine fifteen that morning.

In one moment you make that one  _choice_  that will alter the rest of your life.

It was like that for me…

As I stood there in silence, letting Angela's words soak in and take effect, I realized that I was just like that dare devil on the bike, taking risks; just like him, I had choices. I could either slow down this fast-paced ride I was on by taking the safe path  _or_  I could continue to recklessly weave in and out of traffic.

It didn't take me long to decide.

"I choose to go  _splat_ ," I declared as I rushed past Angela and back into the heated lounge.

Time was of the essence and, like she said, we wasted plenty of it.

"Dude, what the hell does 'splat' mean?" Angela asked as she followed after me.

As I spun around, Angela slammed into me with a loud thud. She looked up at me with a mixture of annoyance and confusion, and at that moment I realized how much she actually looked like her sister.

_Why hadn't I seen it before now?_

"It means that you were right, Ang. If I walk away now, everything I worked so hard for would be for nothing. Whatever she's got planned in there for me, I gotta suck it up and do it. It's the only way to prove myself," I chattered off excitedly.

She brushed the hair from her face and huffed. "No shit, Sherlock."

The feeling of euphoria I felt was eclipsing everything else and I was as giddy as a fucking school girl. The little pep talk Angela gave me was my saving grace. She didn't have to talk me out of leaving, but she had. At that moment, she was a damned deity in my eyes.

"Thank you," I said as I grabbed her tightly by the arms and kissed her quickly on the cheek. "I owe you big for this."

The moment I released her from my death grip, she pushed me vigorously away, and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "God, you're so weird. Are you sure you don't have some mental issues, Sybil?"

I laughed. "No, I just...you did something for me that you didn't have to and that's huge in my book."

"All I did was talk some sense into you. I mean, I can see how important she is and I didn't want you to make a stupid mistake like that—not this early in the game," she smiled simply. "Besides, you're good for my sister...I can tell."

" _Angela? What the hell is taking so long?"_ The sudden and hostile voice of Bella that came through the Nextel phone, startling the crap out of me and Angela, causing us to jump a hundred feet into the air.

"Shit," we both curse simultaneously.

"You gotta go, dumbass," Angela hissed, shoving me towards the hallway.

"What do I do? Where's the purple room?" I asked, panicked.

"It's to your left and the second door on your right," she said as she brushed past me and picking up the phone. "Hey, Bells. He's on his way now. He was using the restroom."

 _Nice save,_ I thought appreciatively.

"Alright. Thanks, hun," Bella said in a sweet and demure voice.

Needless to say, it was uncharacteristic.

Angela didn't respond, but just sat the phone back down. She looked back up at me with irritation. "Why are you still standing there?"

_Shit!_

"Sorry," I said as I turned on my heel and started to move my ass towards the purple room.

The moment I turned the corner, I heard Angela calling my name. I stopped in my tracks and glanced around the wall and saw her coming from around the desk, heading right for me.

"What is it?" I asked, bemused.

"When you walk in there, you keep your god damned head down. Do you hear me?" I nodded and she continued. "You get in that position, the one I showed you the other night, and you  _wait_  for her to give you directions. You don't exist for anything in this world, except to serve your Mistress. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, I understand you perfectly," I replied earnestly.

"Good," she sighed with relief as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. She narrowed her eyes at me sternly, shoving me hard in my chest, causing me to stumble back. "Get going before you piss her off more."

The sheer force of Angela's strength had set my feet into motion, but I couldn't walk into the unknown without expressing my gratitude to her one last time.

"Thank you so much, Angela…for  _everything_ ," I said frankly.

She laughed, rolling her eyes as a small tint of red colored her cheeks. "Yeah, whatever," she paused eyeing me incredulously, debating with herself, deciding whether or not my words were genuine. It lasted just a beat, but she finally smiled. "Well, you're welcome…but if you keep stalling like this, dude…"

"I know, I know," I conceded. "I'm going."

The walk to the purple room seemed like miles, but logically it was more like two fucking steps. My nerves were taking over my resolve because the fact of the matter was that I still had no idea what the fuck I was about to walk into. The last time I'd been in there, I was tied up and fully aroused. I mean, was Mr. Harrison the same way?

_God, what if the dude is naked?_

I shuddered.

It wasn't like I hadn't seen an old guy's pool stick and balls before. I mean, these elderly gentlemen at my gym liked to walk around the locker room naked as a jay bird with their shit just flapping in the wind. It wasn't a sight I was fond of and I knew Mr. Harrison wasn't any different anatomically, but I wasn't stupid either. I was hyper-aware that this situation I was about to walk into was far more complex than the gym.

Standing awkwardly in the hall, my eyes roamed over the closed door to the purple room, and I was still unsure of what the hell I was supposed to do.

_Do I knock or walk in?_

It was obvious that they were expecting me, but I was still new to everything. What exactly were the protocols in this situation?

_I should have asked Angela…_

Looking down the short corridor, I debated whether or not I should go ask her real quick. It would take me two seconds and no one would be the wiser. When I turned to leave, I heard the door creak open. Glancing back, my eyes instantly locked with a set of chocolate brown orbs.

_Fuck!_

"Get in here," she commanded as she opened the door further and allowed me to walk in.

The purple room was exactly as it implied. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, and even the curtains were that deep color. It gave the room a dream-like quality. On the wall to my immediate left, hung her whips, chains, and treasured floggers. One large black bench was pushed up against the far wall, and there were quite a few other whipping benches that I wasn't too familiar with, but I could take a wild guess at what their main purpose was.

Mr. Harrison was also to my left, his wrists and ankles tied to this metal contraption. His arms and legs were stretched out and he looked like a human cross…it was slightly medieval.

The good part was that he wasn't completely naked and I felt myself let out a sigh of relief.

_Maybe she just wants me to watch…_

When I caught glimpse of Bella as she walked around towards me, I realized that I had just fucked up. Angela told me to keep my head down when I came in here… _Fuck!_

It was probably too late, and I am sure my Mistress saw my mistake, but why make the situation worse by not doing it now?

Dropping my head and gazing down at the floor, I fell to my knees to assume the submissive position. The silence was something I was getting quite used to. In the past it worried me because I had no clue what she was thinking, but now, I understood what was going on.

My Mistress was deciding on what she wanted to do with me. That alone should've sent me into a fit of panic, but I was too busy anticipating her next words. The sound of her voice was slowly becoming like a drug to me. It was the demands that she forcefully gave that always told me that I was in her good graces…even when she was disciplining in me…I knew that she still wanted me.

_That's twisted fucking logic, Cullen. You really are cracking up._

"So well-behaved," Bella mused as she put the tip of her crop under my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking at her. She smiled. "Do you love me, pet?"

The word love rolled off her tongue so effortlessly and I felt something strong in the pit of my stomach. When my dad mentioned the same word to me, I laughed it off. He was jumping the gun in my eyes, but it was different when my Mistress said it because it was so natural to feel that devotion towards her…and I did.

"Yes, Mistress," I replied without hesitation.

"Are you willing to do anything for me?" she asked with a sly gleam in her eyes.

"Yes, I will do anything, Mistress," I declared ardently.

She smiled. "That's good, my pet. I want you to prove your loyalty to me."

"Anything, Mistress," I breathed.

"Remove your shirt," she ordered, pointing her crop at me.

"Yes, Mistress," I said as I removed my shirt, placing it on the floor next to me.

"Now remove your pants," she ordered as she stepped away from me, picking up the discarded fabric and tossing it on one of her benches.

Rising to my feet, I made sure to keep my head down. The room was very small and I knew Mr. Harrison was still in the here—watching us—even though he never made a sound. The idea of stripping in front of Bella wasn't anything new, but to do it front of a complete stranger was a different story.

I swallowed hard as I kicked off my shoes, but when my hands moved to the buttons of my jeans, I hovered over them and hesitated. It was only for a second, but it was the longest fucking second of my damn life. I repeatedly went over the reasons of why I was doing this in my mind. It seemed so fucking moronic for me to question her motives now, and I had no idea why I was stalling like this. It wasn't like it was such a deal breaker for me.

It was just nudity…no big deal, right?

If all I had to do was disrobe myself physically and emotionally to show my beloved Mistress my undying obedience, then I would fucking do it—I mean, I already told her that I loved her and that was one of the hardest truths that I ever had to admit to.

_Fuck it…_

Unbuttoning my jeans, I took a large gasp of air as I slid them down my thighs, letting them drop to my ankles. The dungeon was fucking cold and as I stepped out of my jeans, kicking them off to the side, a slight chill touched my bare legs, causing ten thousand goose bumps to erupt on my flesh. As I went to hook my fingers in my boxers to remove them, I heard a stiff grunt come from Mr. Harrison. I shot my eyes in his general region and saw that he was getting somewhat uncomfortable with my stripping.

I stopped my movements as I stared at him, slightly confused by his expression. Why the fuck was he getting all uncomfortable? I thought the pervert requested this…

"Is there a problem?" Bella asked haughtily.

When I snapped my head in her direction to gaze into her eyes, I noticed that she looked quite smug. It was almost as if she expected me to fail this particular test. It seemed that my Mistress already anticipated that I would end up running for the hills with my tail between my legs. It was written all over her face.

 _However_ , she didn't foresee my deep rooted determination that I clung to and she most certainly didn't understand that I wasn't just about to give up. I may be an amateur, but I was persistent...resilient.

"No problem, Mistress," I murmured as I removed the last piece of clothes that covered my manhood.

"That's better," she stated with satisfaction as she picked up the boxers and took them over to Mr. Harrison and placing them on top of his head. She smacked him hard on his bare chest. "What do you say, slave?"

"Thank you, Mistress," he replied fervently.

She smiled, turning on her four inch heels and swaying her tight ass seductively towards me. She appraised me as I stood there completely exposed. My arms were at my sides, twitching several times to cover up my junk. The approval in my Mistress eyes when she realized that I never moved from my spot was indescribable. It was that look I was always pinning for and so desperate to see.

Regrettably, that expression was quickly replaced by a mischievous grin, and I knew something major was about to go down.

"Now, that I have your attention. I want you to verify your love to me…can you do that, my pet?" she questioned, but she already knew my answer.

"Yes, Mistress."

She was so beautiful in a threatening way. Her domineering approach had a sexual presence, lithe and cat-like. Her long limbs were that of a dancer and she was just as graceful. Everything about me desired her and my eyes were always hungry to take in every detail.

She reached into her bodice and pulled out a solitary key. At first, I didn't know what it was, but when she grabbed a hold of my penis, I realized that she was just releasing me from captivity.

As soon as the belt was off, the pressure around my cock decreased greatly, but it felt strange. It'd been locked up for a week, twenty-four hours a day. In a way, I'd grown accustomed to having it on. It made me feel bare without it…perhaps that was why she made me wear it. It was like I was a man who spent fifty years of his life in prison and suddenly got paroled out of the blue.

My dick had become institutionalized…

"Thank you, Mistress," I whispered.

She gazed up at me, smirking. "Don't thank me, yet."

That wasn't a very comforting thought and it implied so much. All I could do was keep my mouth closed and pray that Mr. Harrison stayed as far away from me as possible. It was very degrading to be the only one naked, especially around a man who could be bisexual. It was definitely unpleasant, but it was tolerable. I could handle him gawking at me, but I didn't think I could take him touching me or vice versa.

Shit, I was treading on unfamiliar territory and I had to keep reminding myself that my Mistress was worth it. That in the end of whatever trial I was about to go through, my Mistress would see me in a different light.

_God, please make her see._

"This worthless slave was very curious about you, my pet. He was hoping that you were a Dominant like me. He wanted a gorgeous male specimen, such as you, to discipline him," she said walking around the room, smacking Mr. Harrison and I with her crop every time she passed. She paused and looked at Mr. Harrison, glaring. "When I told him you were  _my_  sub, he  _still_  wanted you. Well, I don't like to share my property, and besides, he wouldn't know the  _first_  thing about being a Dom, would you  _pig_?"

"No, Mistress. I am weak," he yelped.

"See what I mean? Pathetic," she sighed. "Although I am greedy, it doesn't mean that I'm not willing to dangle what I have in front of you, slave," she turned her penetrating gaze on me. "Sit down."

Reaching for the chair that stood behind me, I sat my happy ass down, and watched my Mistress closely. It was still unclear what exactly she was going to do, but she mentioned that she was going to dangle me in front of Mr. Harrison. I mean; I was already naked…wasn't that enough?

"I want you to submit to me, right here and right now. Is that clear?" she asked me sternly, taking two steps in my direction.

"Yes, Mistress. I  _want_  to submit to you," I answered feverishly.

She bit down on her bottom lip, tilting her head to the side as she rubbed along her collar bone and down to the top of her protruding breasts. She smiled almost sheepishly. "I want you to masturbate."

_Say what?_

The words 'masturbate' almost didn't register in my psyche and I almost made the mistake of asking her to her repeat herself. She made her demands very clear and as her faithful sub, I reacted instantly. There was no room for hesitation.

"Yes, Mistress," I said diligently.

Taking in a deep breath, I wrapped my hand around my flaccid cock. The pressure to perform in front of an audience was making it hard for me concentrate and therefore causing my dick to go dormant.

There was just no way out of this situation. I had two fucking choices: do as my Mistress instructed or walk away and never look back.

Less than five minutes ago, I was pretty fucking close to throwing in the towel. The idea of coming in the purple room, walking into the unknown, had nearly sent me packing. Everything I had worked so hard for was going to be wiped clean and my time as Mistress Marie's sub was going to be nothing more than a distant memory.

Glancing back and forth between Mr. Harrison and a smirking Bella, I realized that it was my choice to be in this room and it was me who made it—which meant I knew what I had to do…

Determined more than ever, I gripped myself tighter, making brisk and fervent strokes. The image of Bella sprawled out in the forefront of my mind, accompanied by Angela's words of reassurance that Bella was testing me, making sure that I was worth the hassle of her training. She needed to know that I was sub material.

Why else would she ask me to do this? For her to call me into the purple room and demand that I expose myself, so intimately, in front of this old fucking prick had to be for a reason…right? It wasn't like she thought up sick and twisted ways to watch me squirm…

No, she wouldn't, and despite what Bella may think of herself or what Angela had told me about her sister, she wasn't a sadist. It was an impossible concept because I couldn't see that when I looked into those deep, soulful eyes of hers.

She was just a very good liar.

She denied her feelings she had for me to her sister, to me,  _and_  to herself on a daily basis. She was just as fucked up and confused as I was, and the more we refused to accept the truth, the deeper we entangled ourselves in this web of deceit.

It was a little game of Russian roulette that we decided to play and I was up next...

_Click._

If my Mistress needed proof that I was willing to submit myself fully, I was going to fucking show her, one long stroke of my shaft at a time.

My cock was slowly rising to the challenge and I could see out of the corner of my eye that Mr. Harrison was stirring in his restraints. That old fucker was getting quite a show from me, but I choose to ignore him and turned my eyes towards my Mistress. She was the one I was going to focus all of my attention on.

_The object of my affection…_

She was off to the far corner of the room, standing by one of her benches, and clutching onto her toy firmly. She was gazing at me with hooded eyes beneath her thick lashes. The smoldering look of wanting lust that she gave me was all the encouragement I needed.

There was something intimate between us as we watched each other, never blinking, and never looking away.

Suddenly, everything around us faded, the outlines of the dungeon became very blurry, and it was just her and I in that purple room. My ministrations increased steadily in pace and my breathing became more labored as my eyes roamed over her shapely form. The ample breasts of my Mistress were practically falling out of her corset as her chest rose and fell in quick and short bursts.

My Mistress was panting…

My hungry eyes continued to wander over her peaks and valleys, savoring every curve. The outfit that my Mistress was wearing was like a second skin on her. The fishnet tights that she wore were giving me glimpses of the creamy, luminous skin that lay underneath. The memory of my Mistress quivering and moaning as Mr. Pinky plunged deep inside of her with such precision was flashing before my eyes. The erotic image was on constant loop in my already stimulated brain.

It'd been so long since I touched myself in this way and with Bella as my muse; it was just a matter of time.

"Shit," I hissed through my gritted teeth as my hand made brisk, circular motions on my cock; my eyes never wavered and continued to stay locked on my Mistress.

The sensations were starting to become overwhelming and I squeezed my eyes shut. Even though it was my hand that was on my penis, the fact of the matter was that I'd been so deprived from release for over a week, and any sort of touch, regardless of who's it was, was welcomed. It'd been too long since I'd actually cum, and with my Mistress' consent to finally let myself go, it was like getting a fucking gift.

Shit, I'd even forgotten that Mr. Harrison was somewhere in this room watching me.

"Okay, Edward," Bella breathed into my ear. "That's enough."

I opened my eyes and was surprised to see that my Mistress was peering over me. Her small body was perched in between my parted legs and she was tapping my thigh softly with her riding crop. The awe of seeing her so close to me now had the opposite effect of what she wanted. It increased my excitement, and as a result, I quickened my strokes.

"I said that's enough," she snapped as she smacked me harder on the thigh with her toy. She leaned over me, placing her hand over mine, stilling my actions. She eyed me closely, smirking deviously as she whispered. "You did very well, my pet, but your release is mine and mine alone."

Slowly removing my hand from my throbbing and aching penis, I looked around my surroundings and noticed that Mr. Harrison was gawking at us with a disconcerted expression on his face. There was sweat pouring down his brow, but the look behind his eyes wasn't what I expected. It was hard to explain exactly what I saw there and the longer I stared at him the tougher it became to decipher it. It was almost as if he was trying to understand the scene before him. The shock was marred on his wrinkled features and the impression I got was that he'd seen something between Bella and me that had floored him.

"Eyes on me," Bella spoke in a stern and direct voice, catching my attention immediately.

When I turned my head to look at her, I saw that she was bent down at the knees and she was putting my chastity belt back on me. The distraction with Mr. Harrison was like kryptonite to my dick and I was limp once again.

Bella was swift in her movements as she placed me snuggly in the contraption and as I watched her slip the padlock in the loop, locking it up tight, I wondered if I passed the test. She stopped me right before I ejaculated, but was that all I had to do to prove myself?

At the time when she first instructed me to masturbate, I was able to push past mortification and just do it. Thankfully it ended up being a lot simpler than I initially thought it would be, and as for a test, it seemed way too easy. There had to be more that was required of me.

Something that I wasn't exactly privy to…

_Fuck me! What if she forced me to place my hands on Mr. Harrison and jack him off?_

The very thought sent a wave of extreme panic through my veins. My Mistress hadn't even implied that to me yet, but that didn't mean shit.

_Fuck, Cullen. Now is not the time to be jumping to conclusions._

It was hard to shake that feeling because I wouldn't put it past my Mistress to ask me to do such a thing. It was a plausible scenario and Angela was so full of it when she assured me that this was a legitimate business. She said that no sexual acts would be performed in the purple room...well, what the fuck would she call what I just did?

I mean, Pee-Wee Herman got arrested for doing that shit.

"Put your clothes back on and leave the room. Mr. Harrison and I need to finish the rest of his session," Bella instructed me briskly.

She swiftly turned her back on me and walked to the wall that was filled with her whips and chains. I observed her curiously as she touched each one of her toys very delicately, almost as if she was browsing through designer clothes at some expensive boutique. She was very fascinating to watch and I could do it all day, but when I caught a glimpse of Mr. Harrison, I knew it was time to leave.

It didn't take me long after that to put on my clothes and exit the purple room. The relief I felt was washing over me in massive waves as I walked down the hall towards the lounge area. The test my Mistress gave me wasn't something I'd been confident about when I entered that room, but now that I'd done it, I was fucking proud of myself for doing it.

To say that I learned a shit load about myself and the extremes that I would push myself to in order to be esteemed in my Mistress' eyes was an understatement. The fact of the matter was that I was one step closer to being her submissive and not some 'newbie' in training.

I still had a lot to learn, but for once, I felt… _worthy_.

Angela was sitting on one of the plush sofas when I entered the room. She was chewing the shit out of her nails and when she saw me, she jumped to her feet.

"What happened? Did you pass? Are you okay? It wasn't bad, was it? Was Mr. Harrison in there? What did he say? What did she have you do?" Angela asked in rapid fire.

I chuckled. "Jesus, Ang, what's with the fifty questions?"

She narrowed her eyes at me as the look of concern was replaced with annoyance. "I was worried about you, jackass."

"I know you were, but everything is fine now…" I paused, patting down my shirt and pant pockets. "Fuck, I really need a cigarette."

In reality, I needed to get away.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

I'd been out in the cold for at least twenty minutes and I was on my fourth smoke. It was fucking freezing out there in the garage, but I wasn't ready to venture back inside yet. The questions were still on the tip of Angela's tongue and until I figured some shit out for myself, I didn't think I could give her a coherent answer.

_What the fuck happened to me in there?_

Tonight had been a night filled with breakthroughs. I'd been pushed to my limit, but stuck to it to the very end. At one point I had confessed that I was in love with my Mistress and I was surprised how easy it was for me to finally admit that piece of truth.

The other thing I discovered was that my Mistress was a fraud. For weeks since I've known her, she'd treated me like a nuisance, as if my very presence annoyed her, but the truth was that my Mistress was infuriated with herself. She hated the way I made her feel, so lost, and out of control. She tried to hide it from me by bottling it all up.

She was so cocky, too. Thinking that I would never see the truth, but she was wrong. When I submitted to her fully for the first time, she slipped up.

She made the epic mistake of letting her guard down in front of me. She didn't understand that I was always mindful of her in ways that weren't exactly healthy. It was that keen awareness that let me see into her soul. The moment my Mistress realized that I existed for nothing in this world, but to serve her, that was when she unknowingly let me in.

The big metal door slammed loudly against the door frame and at first I wasn't even going to bother to look up. It was most likely Angela checking up on me, making sure that I was okay and that I hadn't gone running for the razors.

It was very thoughtful on her part, but wholly unnecessary.

"You got another one on you by chance?" a gruff voice asked.

I snapped my head up and saw that Mr. Harrison was standing over me with his arm stretched out expectantly. He was dressed in that expensive suit of his and as I fumbled with my cigarettes, I noticed from my spot on the ground that his shoes were Gucci loafers…

_Rich fucking prick._

I scoffed as I gave him my last cigarette. "Aren't you too well-off to be bumming smokes off broke college kids like me?"

"Broke?" he asked skeptically. "Well, I'll pay you if that's more acceptable. What are cigarettes going for these days? You know what; I have an idea. Do you like cigars? I have a box of fresh Cubans in my car."

"Don't worry about it…the cigarette is on the house," I retorted, irritated.

The guy was a real pompous asshole and I didn't need his god damned charity.

"You're too kind," he said disingenuously.

He stood there for another minute smoking on the cigarette with no intentions of leaving. This guy was making me highly uncomfortable and I wanted to tell him to fucking leave already, but I didn't own the wall I was leaning against. It left me with one option, and as much as I didn't want to go in there to face Angela's barrage of questions, I knew it was better than sitting there with Mr. Harrison.

"You know how long I've been with Mistress Marie?" Mr. Harrison asked the moment I rose to my feet.

"I don't care," I lied as I tried to side step him.

He chuckled loudly. "Of course you care. I saw the way you looked at her. I'm old, but I am not a fool."

Killing the last bit of my cigarette, I threw it to the ground, putting it out with the ball of my foot. I deliberated with myself whether or not I should continue to entertain this freak, but of course my curiosity eventually won out. I sighed as I ran my hands anxiously through my hair. "How long have you been with her?"

"About two years now and she's one of the best Dommes I've ever had, and I've had quite a few. That's why it's a damn shame to see her so deeply involved with you. The fact of the matter is…" he paused to inhale some more of the cigarette before officially flicking it to the ground, "you don't deserve her."

"I'm sorry?" I asked, offended.

He shook his head and scoffed softly. "Pet?"

He glanced at me with a bitter look in his eyes before he shoved his hands in his trench coat pockets, walking away. My eyes followed him the entire time as he got into his fucking Bentley and drove off.

"Fuck you," I muttered, flipping him off as he passed.

Who the fuck did he think he was? He came out there, uninvited, took my last god damned cigarette and had the audacity to tell me that I didn't deserve her? Who was he to say what I did or did not deserve?

He didn't fucking know me!

Mother fucker was just pissed off that his Mistress of two years had dropped his ass and found a better sub.

She made her choice and it was me.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Five hours and countless John's later, Bella and I were in her Audi on our way home. After that bitter run in with Mr. Harrison, I decided that I was brave enough to take Angela on. She couldn't be any worse than that rich fuck, and to my pleasant surprise, her questions weren't so bad. She kept it simple, expressing how happy she was to see that I came out of the purple room unscathed.

The rest of the night was spent talking with Angela and making fun of the subs that came in to see Bella. The friendship was easy between us, and for the first time in a long time, it seemed as though things were going to actually work out for me.

The confidence I felt as Bella's sub was fucking euphoric and  _almost_ unshakable…well, that was until she re-emerged at the end of the night. The stiff poker face she displayed in the past was making another appearance.

The fear and doubt was back like a fucking cancer attacking me from the inside out. The thought that I was wrong about her was beating me down and I couldn't stop myself from questioning  _everything_.

What if I didn't pass? What the fuck would I do then? Would I plead with her to give me another chance? If she did accept to grant me another way of proving myself, what would that entail?

Could I do the unthinkable…just to be with her?

Was I that fucking whipped?

These fucking questions plagued me as we drove down the freeway at an achingly slow speed. The silence loomed between us, increasing the tension to the point of being practically unbearable. It was so thick that it fogged everything and I was having trouble concentrating. Every now and then I would take a furtive glance at her, trying to gauge where her head was at. She seemed very relaxed. Her delicate features never betrayed her, and for some reason that scared the shit out of me.

_I wish she would say something…_

Finally, when I thought I was going to tear through her leather seats because of my growing anxiety, my Mistress turned to me and spoke in a calm and even tone. "When we get home, I want you to go straight to the playroom with the horse. I want you to be naked and waiting for me in the submissive position. Is that clear?"

"Anything you desire, Mistress," I replied. The pure and utter devotion I had for her was thick in my voice.

She shifted her eyes away from me as a small smile began to creep up on the edges of her mouth, softly murmuring to herself. "Hmmm, anything I desire?"

As I turned away from her, I looked out the window, and gazed out on the city of Chicago as it zipped past. The plethora of emotions I was feeling at that moment were pulsing through my body like a constant stream of electricity and although her words implicated a punishment, I still tried to hold on to the one truth I'd believed a mere twenty minutes ago…

That I was worthy of my Mistress' affections and it didn't matter what she said or how she acted, her eyes were the key. Her brown spheres were like a whirlpool, sucking me into the deepest reaches of her mind. That is where I sifted through all of her bullshit and saw the fucking truth of her feelings for me. It was why I continued to stay and jump through hoops for her like a fucking show dog.

 _That_  was what I believed twenty minutes ago.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Time has a way of fucking with the mind. It's like God's cosmic joke on mankind. When I first met Bella it seemed as though the minutes went by as seconds, and before I fucking knew it, our time was over. It had always been that way with her. It was like I could never get enough time, wishing that it would slow down for me so I could savor it.

Then there was the flip side of the coin. There were some moments in life where the time seemed to just stop all together, always taking its sweet ass time when the mind and body was so fragile…just teetering on the edge of sanity.

It was like that for me every time I was about to be punished by my Mistress. I would wait for her on my knees, my head bowed down, and my eyes fixated on the simple grains of the cherry wood floors. My mind was constantly racing as I anticipated her next move.

It was my own private hell…the seconds just ticking along in a slow and agonizing fashion.

God, I didn't even know how long I'd been there waiting for her. The pressure on my knees was still tolerable, but that didn't mean shit to me anymore. My body adapted well to my Mistress' demands and spending the better part of my night like that wasn't half bad.

What I was worried about was what was going to happen to me when I was ordered to get up from that position…

Closing my eyes, I tried to focus my thoughts away from punishment. The unknown was driving me fucking crazy and the last thing I needed was to be panicking over something that hasn't even happened yet.

If my Mistress was disappointed with my performance tonight and felt as though I deserved a punishment, I decided that I would take it with dignity. The whole time I'd been on that horse last Sunday, I was thinking of how to keep myself balanced, and the pain never seemed to enter my mind—I mean, except for when I slammed my nuts against the wood.

It'd been about the sheer concentration of pleasing her…

_Shit, what is happening to me?_

The door to the playroom opened and a soft breeze touched my flushed skin. The sound of my Mistress' bare feet as they walked across the floor was music to my ears and I felt myself relax, but only slightly. The reasons for why she would order me to this room were still unclear and I had to keep my fucking wits about me.

Keeping my head down, I continued to listen to her as she moved further into the room. The soft click of the door as she closed it behind her was a clear indication that things were finally going to get underway. My Mistress didn't say a word to me as she approached, and the only thing I saw when she came into my view were her toes.

They were painted a bright red color and I found myself in fucking awe. It was the first time I'd seen her feet and I couldn't believe how fucking nice they were. I mean, I was not a foot man, per se, but Jesus, she had a nice pair.

It was official ladies and gentleman: my Mistress was fucking perfect from head to toe.

Now, it was stupid of me to press my luck this way, but the feet had lured me in. The ivory silk was calling to me like a moth to a flame and I couldn't stop myself for wanting to see more. The path was easy to follow, my eyes quickly skimming over her soft skin, being careful not to alert her that I was taking an extra peek. It first started with her petite ankle, moving up to her strong calf, and by the time I reached her delicious knees, I realized I was going to have to tilt my head upwards…

I wasn't that stupid.

Turning my eyes back to the floor, I decided to wait for my Mistress to give me directions. I had to be patient and not get greedy. As much as I wanted to devour her with my eyes and my mouth—God-willing, I knew that acting rashly was only going to piss off my Mistress.

Nothing good ever comes from that.

Waiting as calmly and patiently as I could, I finally heard a soft sigh. My Mistress placed her hand into my hair, gripping the roots, and forcefully yanking my head up. She was looking down at me with such intensity, her eyes boring into mine.

"What is your safe word, Edward?"


	18. Chocolate Brown and Leather Whips

**Chapter Seventeen**

**~Chocolate Brown and Leather Whips~**

"What is your safe word, Edward?" my Mistress repeated as she loosened her grip on my hair and bended down at the knees so she could get face to face with me.

My mind tried really fucking hard to concentrate on the question she was asking, but with her mouth just mere inches away from mine and her soft breath wafting over me, intoxicating all of my senses, I found it to be quite difficult to not assault her lips with a feverish kiss—let alone try to form a coherent god damned sentence.

Instead, I just stared at her. My eyes were fixated on her pursed lips as her hands tightened their grasp in my hair, tugging at the roots, and causing my fucking cock to twitch within its restraints—which immediately pinched the shit out of the fucker and sending it, rightfully, back in to submission, yelping in defiance.

Blinking rapidly, I tried to pull myself from the haze, hoping with all fucking hope that my mind would start processing shit at a faster rate, but with her so dangerously close, I realized that my thoughts were staccato, chaotic, and overall just fucking mush. Turning the simplest tasks into something else entirely…

 _God damned it, Cullen! Fucking answer her!_ I mentally berated myself.

My words were getting caught up in my throat and I felt like a complete idiot. My slow response was making me look like I was unsure or perhaps that I didn't understand the question.

The clock was ticking away as I sat in a fucking stupor, trying to collect my thoughts.

 _Fuck_ , I knew what she wanted to know and it was hardly the brain teaser I was making it out to be—in fact, I'd been thinking about this particular topic for a long time now.

"It's okay if you don't have one. We can choose one together, but we both need to be in agreement about it. It's important to have a word that you can remember and one that can be easily recognized during our play," Bella informed me, chuckling softly as she cupped the side of my face and warming me instantly.

As much as I wanted to respond to her, I couldn't. All I could do was gawk at her, my eyes roaming over her beautiful face as she smiled affectionately. The brown of her eyes were burning into mine, looking like a chocolate lava-cake, oozing outwards, heating up the pit of my stomach…and as I stared, I noticed that there was something very different about the way she looked at me, and it didn't take me long to realize that I wasn't being punished…

"I passed?" I blurted out in amazement.

My inquiry must have surprised her because she dropped her hand from me as she stood up straight, smoothing her delicate palms over her black silk robe that hung to her mid –thigh, fitting her small frame quite loosely. I prayed to all that was holy that she was nude underneath. She looked slightly uncomfortable for just a second before she shook it off, narrowing her dark and telling eyes at me.

"Yes, you passed. I didn't think you would, but you demonstrated to me how sincere you are about your role as my live in sub," she paused, reaching out to caress my cheek again. She smiled wistfully. "I was  _very_  pleased, Edward."

The feel of her tender touch along with the knowledge that she was pleased with my efforts was flipping my world on its axis, making me feel all twisted and confused, but oddly comforted it.

She kept her eyes locked on mine for two more seconds while I frantically tried to keep my feelings of complete elation locked up tight, but the moment she looked away, I let out a large gasp. The emotions that were on the surface were starting to become more intense—suffocating me like a noose that was wrapped securely around my neck.

I couldn't believe how powerful her words could actually be...

As much as I wanted to keep a strict poker face, I knew I was on the fucking verge of showing her how desperate and needy I truly was for her approval…

_Everything that I'd worked so hard for…just to get her attention had finally paid off._

The sheer elation I felt was incredible, but it was becoming a problem for me to keep it all in and to maintain a calm demeanor in front of my Mistress.

"That being said," she continued as she placed her hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. "I think you earned your first play session with your Domme," she smirked almost deviously. "Do you need some help with your safe word, Edward?"

"No, Mistress," I croaked. My throat was dry as fuck and I shook my head as I cleared it loudly, hoping not to sound like such a fucking pussy this time around. "I know what my safe word is."

She broke out into a heart-breaking smile and my cock twitched in response, pinching me in a painful, but fucking erotic way. "That's good. What did you decide on?"

When I first heard about having a safe word for our play sessions, my main goal was to be different than all the other subs. I needed a way to stand out uniquely in my Mistress' eyes, and I ended up going through several possible options.

Initially, I decided to go with Debussy. He was my favorite classical composer and every time I played Claire De Lune on my baby grand it reminded me of Bella…it just seemed like something I would remember quite easily in the midst of being whipped.  _However_ , as I continued to think about it, I decided it would be best to axe it because I realized how fucking idiotic Debussy sounded as a safe word.

The other alternative of mine was a little more distinctive to my Mistress. It was inspired by the molten color of her eyes and the way they always seemed to captivate me, holding me prisoner—it just fucking made sense to me.

"Chocolate brown," I replied quietly.

She cocked her head to the side and looked at me skeptically. "Chocolate brown?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Is that for go, slow down, or stop?" she questioned in a serious tone.

"Chocolate is to go more, brown is to slow down," I said, making the shit up as I went and scanning the room for a possible third word, I smiled when my gaze landed on her toys that lay behind her, "and leather whips is to stop."

Bella stared at me with a perplexed expression, running her hand through my hair, and scratching my scalp with her nails. "That's very  _ambitious_  of you and I can see that you put a lot of thought into it,  _but_  I think for a sub of your caliber, someone who is not as seasoned, that it might be best to go with the generic color scheme of green, yellow, and red."

_Way to go, fuckwad! Now she thinks you're an idiot!_

"Yeah, that makes sense," I chuckled, embarrassed by my own stupidity, "It was just…" I trailed off glancing down at the floor.

"Just what?" she questioned, grabbing my chin and gently lifted my face upward. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to be different from all your other subs," I answered sheepishly, looking away from her penetrating gaze. "You know, come up with my own safe words."

I felt so fucking weak for admitting that because it was so-telling to how I felt about her. In that instant, I had displayed my cards, showing her my hand. The obsession I had for her that trumped everything was shockingly clear, but that wasn't even the gist of my confession. No, my Mistress saw how far my need and desire to be with her went.

In that one fucking sentence I'd managed to sum up everything, delivering it to her on a silver fucking platter.

_Fuck, I am an idiot!_

"Edward, look at me," Bella commanded softly, and as I looked back at her, I saw the depth in her eyes—the passion, the sadness, and something else I couldn't place. She leaned down and brushed her lips with mine, sighing heavily. "You  _are_ different… _but_ as your Domme, I feel it's best to go with something that's easy and recognizable. Agreed?"

She said I was different…

"Agreed."

"Good," she replied, pulling my belt key from her breast pocket and bending down at the knees, gripping on to my dick firmly. "Now, where were we?"

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Two minutes and fifteen seconds after we decided on my safe words, my Mistress decided to relocate our little play session into my room, and I couldn't be more grateful for the move. The fact of the matter was that my room had several upgrades that were in my benefit. For one, it had plush carpet flooring, making it easier on my poor, battered knees, and  _two_ , it was out of that fucking dungeon and far from that horse. Anytime I could distance myself from that blasted thing was always a win in my book.

That wooden devil had bad juju written all over it...

Before we did leave the dungeon of pain, my Mistress strapped a black leather collar around my neck and attached a bright neon orange dog leash to the front loop. She yanked and pulled the leash vigorously as she walked me through the halls like a little eager puppy and by the way my dick pulsated with anticipation as I followed behind her swaying ass, I would say I was a little bit more than fucking eager.

_Heel, boy!_

My Mistress meant the collar and leash to be degrading, showing me that I was her toy and no longer a man of stature. Some men in my position would've been fucking offended and turned off by that sort of behavior, but I wasn't. I actually found that the whole experience excited me far more than it should have.

I guess it was sick and twisted on my part, and I admit there may have been a slight possibility of some underlying mental issues with me, but I liked belonging to her in that animalistic way.

She could lead me to the depths of hell for all she fucking wanted. It didn't matter to me because she said I was  _different_.

"Ah, well hello, beautiful," my Mistress hummed as she brought her purple flogger up to her eye level.

The sweat was pouring from my brow as I sat on my calves in the middle of my bedroom, watching my Mistress intently. My hands were handcuffed securely behind my back as my dick was in full salute. The aching pain of my nuts was something I was getting used to, and as much as I waited anxiously on my Mistress, I felt like I was still in control of the little guy.

_Well, maybe not…_

Okay, so watching my Mistress prance around my room in that skimpy robe, showing sinful amounts of creamy ivory skin, was like bittersweet torture. Every time she would bend over, I would see the bottom of her ass cheeks and my jaw would clench, inadvertantly chewing the shit out of my tongue.

The woman was driving me crazy and all she was doing was prepping her toys for our session.

She brought several whips and floggers to the bedroom and had them all splayed out on my bed. It was a very extensive collection, and I could see the pride in her eyes as she touched every one of her precious toys with her delicate hands. It was a very intimate moment and I felt like a fucking spectator instead of a participant.

_She is fucking fascinating…_

My Mistress glanced over at me with a mischievous grin as she picked up one of the whips and snapped it in the air, testing out its effectiveness. The sound was thrilling and I found that all my senses were now attuned to that sound of the cracking whip. It made every muscle in my body tighten with anticipation and the thought of my Mistress using that toy on my eager flesh had me nearly coming on the spot.

_It was finally happening._

Every fiber of my being was bursting with excitement. Since the very first moment I laid my eyes on her, I've wanted to be inside of her…I've fucking needed to feel her.

_God, to feel her pussy wrapped around my cock like a vice…_

It may have seemed on the outside that I knew what I wanted by displaying some kind of unshakeable confidence, but it was all a bunch of was the obsession to be with her that had driven me, but what would happen when I finally was able to fucking touch her…to taste her…

Would this desire of mine finally be satiated once my dick was deep inside of her?

Would I stop yearning for her with the same intense fire once the flame had been quenched  _or_  would the smoldering embers inside of me reignite into an even brighter blaze than before?

It was hard to say which outcome I wanted more…I was scared of them both. The thought of no longer wanting her was inconceivable to me because who was I if I didn't have her in my life? Everything I was now as a man was tied to her as my Domme and that connection wasn't something that could easily be broken.

The craving I had for could only increase in strength.

_Could I honestly handle its brutality?_

Bella sighed with a musical hum, distracting me from my musings. "Well, my babies are all lined up and ready," she paused as she gazed over at me, zoning in on my impossibly hard cock. "I see that you are ready, as well."

"Yes, Mistress," I replied freely, feeling as though I was ready to explode.

In the last two minutes the pre-cum had been secreting out of my cock like a fucking waterfall, causing the liquid to roll down the shaft and soak my throbbing nuts.

"Good," she said as she walked around the edge of the bed, sitting on it. She extended her long legs out towards me, almost invitingly. "Come here."

Shuffling on my knees, I approached my Mistress in less than a second flat. She placed her delicate foot on my shoulder, rubbing her creamy leg up against my rough cheek. Her smooth skin smelled of lavender with a hint of vanilla, and I had to fight the urge to devour her with my mouth.

_Just a little taste…_

She leaned forward, practically falling out of her robe, and allowing me to catch a quick glimpse of what lay underneath— _nothing!_  The knowledge that my Mistress was nude beneath the flimsy silk was quickly becoming my undoing.

I groaned softly as my cock twitched in a celebratory fashion.

"Would you like to taste me?" she asked in a low, seductive tone.

"More than anything, Mistress," I replied hoarsely, gulping back the salvia that was building up.

"For being such a good pet tonight, I am going to reward you by letting you worship my body. You can taste any part of me that you desire until I say stop. Is that clear?" she questioned sternly.

My mind was instantly overwhelmed with the places I wanted to worship on her. The idea of being able to finally sample my Mistress divine body was like hitting the fucking lottery.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered quickly.

As I went to get started, bending my head down to lick, she placed her foot on my chest, pushing me away slightly. "Don't get to carried away, pet."

I nodded in understanding as she reached up and slipped off her satin negligee. The fabric fell from her body and exposed her curvaceous form to me, causing me to gape at her in a complete admiration.

_Holy fuck!_

My fingers clenched when I saw the swell of my Mistress' breasts for the first time. They were more magnificent than I could ever conceive. She was fucking flawless. The ivory skin went on for days, and when my eyes followed her curves down to her pussy, I completely stopped breathing.

_Shit! She's completely shaven!_

The night she masturbated in front of me, the lacy panties had blocked my view of the prize, but that was no longer the case. Every part of her was on display for my hungry eyes to see, and before I could make it up to her luscious thighs, my mouth was already on her calf. The taste of her was sweet, my tongue rolling over her milky flesh in an effort to devour as much of her as possible. It was insane how the more I traced my tongue over her skin, the more I fucking wanted.

I was starving for her and the sheer eagerness I conveyed was making my Mistress chuckle, but I wasn't about to be deterred.

How many times have I wanted to lick her so I could taste her in my mouth?

_God, to touch her…_

As much as I wanted to feel the tingling sensation of her on my fingertips, I knew that I couldn't control myself if I had free reign. How would I react if I could have her completely? It was hard to see myself maintaining any sort of discipline and it was best that she restrained me this way. It made things frustrating, but also more challenging for me. It kept the desire within me blazing, and at this point I was grateful for the ability to taste her, savor her.

The sudden movement of my Mistress distracted me, and when I removed my mouth from her, I saw that she was gazing down at me with a curious expression. It wasn't until then had I realized that I'd been kissing and sucking on the inside of her upper thigh. My mouth was just inches away from the Promised Land...

"Anywhere," she breathed as she parted her legs for me in a way that told me where she wanted me to devote my time to.

When I looked up at her to make sure, I saw her staring at me with an intense but lustful expression.

"May I, Mistress?" I asked, licking my lips in preparation.

"Did I say stop?" she countered as she bit down hard on her bottom lip.

_No, you did not…_

It was the confirmation I was looking for and without another word from me, I decided to dive on in to the sweetest nectar on earth.

My nose was the first thing that wedged it's way in between my Mistress' wet lips, and when I reached out with the tip of my tongue to taste her juices, I was a fucking goner. It was like a fire in the pit of my stomach that erupted on the inside, leaving me suddenly ravenous. The sweetness of my Mistress had caused me to go into a frenzy. I was licking, biting, and gulping every ounce of her, and I couldn't get enough.

My hands were struggling against the restraints of my cuffs as I pressed my face deeper in between my Mistress' legs. The soft and panting moans that came from her as I pleasured her were only making my cock drip insane amounts of moisture. The more I nibbled her lips or lapped my tongue on her clit, the more she cried out.

_Fuck!_

The taste of her was overwhelming on my tongue, and I was such a greedy fucking bastard because I wanted to be inside of her at the moment.

It was so fucking frustrating to not be able to do the things I wanted. If my god damned hands were free I would take my fingers and slide them into her wet pussy and pump them furiously in and out of her. I wanted to be able to feel the ridges of her walls as they clenched around me and to make her come over and over as I watched her face contort in waves of ecstasy.

"God," my Mistress yelped as she entwined her handsin my hair, gripping tightly around my strands as she shoved me further within her.

She wrapped her lean legs around the back of my neck, and I was officially cocooned in her. The feel of her limbs enveloping me was like coming home and I knew I was going fucking lose myself this way. The aroma of her was surrounding me; I breathed her in as I continued my assault of my tongue on her drenched and lick-able pussy.

_Fucking delicious!_

The jerking and twitching of my angry cock alerted me to the fact that he was getting jealous. My mouth was in the one place he wanted to be so badly and I felt pretty fucking smug. Although, I felt the poor guy's pain because it was driving me crazy to be this fucking close to her, tasting her, and feeling the silkiness of her pussy, but  _still_  be so far away from the true prize.

"Ugh," my Mistress whimpered as she pushed me further into her, smothering me completely.

My tongue started to work overtime, sensing that she was about to come. The ache to be there as she came on my face was fucking strong and I flicked her sensitive clit rapidly and sucked as hard as I could, causing her to come all over my ready mouth.

I was aching to be inside of her.

The clamping of her strong thighs relaxed, releasing me from my blissful shell. The flavor of my Mistress' orgasm was all over my lips and tongue. It tasted like fucking heaven—ambrosia to my taste buds and I was lapping it up, not wanting to waste a single droplet.

When I was satisfied that I hadn't left any of my Mistress' sweetness behind, I pulled myself away. I noticed that she was thrown back on the bed and from this angle I could only see the rise and fall of her pert breasts. The sound of her heavy panting was like fucking music to my ears.

_She came! I fucking did that!_

The realization that I was able to create such pleasure in my Mistress was fucking awesome, and I couldn't stop the self-congratulatory grin that was plastered on my face.

"Did I say stop?" she asked through her labored breathing.

"No, Mistress," I answered as I quickly placed my lips on her hip bone.

Working my way up, I shifted off my knees and stood up from my crouched position. I was very aware as I kissed her flat stomach of my dick my resting on her inner thigh, and I knew that if I was to move upward a little more that my cock would be aligned with her. If I got that close to her pussy like that, would I be able to stop myself from thrusting forward?

Did I even have the fucking willpower anymore?

It was highly unlikely, but I was a selfish creature and as long as she didn't say stop, I would continue to be stingy.

Speaking of which, I had yet to have her nipples in my mouth, and at the moment, it was all I wanted to do. I wanted to tease them, suck them, and feel them with every bit of fervor that I showed her a few minutes ago.

Balling my hands into tight fists, it still annoyed the fuck out of me that I couldn't touch her with them. It was such a shame because as I gazed at her beautiful breasts, I knew how nice and soft they would feel if I was to cupped them...to knead them.

_Damn cuffs!_

Not letting the small things distract me, I continued my way up her body, grazing my nose along her ribcage, and tracing my tongue over her skin. The desire to savor every inch of her was setting in and as much as I wanted to consume her, I realized that my Mistress was the one who was allowing me to feast on her body, if I was to act too rashly or devour too quickly, it might shorten the experience. I decided it was better to take my time… relish in every moment.

It didn't take me long to work my way to her breasts, and as expected, my cock was just inches from her entrance, but she never said stop. It was a heady thing to be so close to the one thing I wanted, but knowing that moving too soon would ruin it all. This was a reward she was bestowing on to me, and if I made one small mistake, I knew I could fuck it up.

But fuck me! The tip of my penis was right fucking there. How much trouble would it cause if I slipped it in? Would she let me fuck her until we were both spent or would she get so angry at my stupidity that she would cut off my dick?

_Shit!_

I wanted her so badly, but at the same time I had to be smart about this. If I was to let my carnal urge control me now, where would that leave me?

Fuck, for once, I actually wished that I was wearing the chastity belt. I mean, my cock would be throbbing in pain and the belt would be squeezing it into submission, but at least I knew I wouldn't do anything foolish.

Glancing up, I saw that my Mistress was shifted up on her elbows and was looking down at me. The openness in her eyes and a coy smile on her lips told me that I was free to continue with my exploration. Never breaking my eyes from hers, I opened my mouth and wrapped it around her right nipple. The pebbled peak was delicious as I sucked and moved my tongue over it.

She chewed relentlessly on her bottom lip and watched me closely. She laid back on the bed, putting her hands in my hair again as I hovered over. The tempting sounds that she made were making it hard for me to keep my resolve to be good and not just thrust my cock into her pussy. If she only knew what she did to me, would it change anything? Would she take pity on me and allow me to finally wet my tip?

Closing my eyes, I moved my mouth over to her left, neglected nipple. It tasted just as good as the right did, but the noises coming from my Mistress were insignificantly stronger. The vice grip she had on my hair tightened and the knowledge that the left was more sensitive than the right had me working ten times harder to please her.

Licking, sucking, nibbling it was becoming that much more pleasurable and the louder she moaned, the harder my cock got. It jerked in agony, pressing itself up against the top of her apex. She hadn't closed her legs to me and as I pressed my hips into her, feeling the head of my penis slide between her drenched lips, I groaned loudly.

"Stop," she said breathlessly.

Pulling my mouth away from her tantalizing peak, I shifted my weight, and removed my cock away from her heat in sadness. I sat back down on my knees, gazing at her gorgeous body as she closed her legs. The Promised Land was closed for the time being and as I gritted my teeth with frustration, I realized how fucking raw my wrists were from these fucking handcuffs.

_Shit…it fucking hurts._

"Very good," my Mistress commended me. "But now, it's time to truly have some fun." She scooted off the bed, grabbing the leash that still dangled from my collar, and yanked on it gently. "Follow me, pet."

"Yes, Mistress," I replied without thought.

Glancing down at my Mistress' sashaying ass as I trailed after her, I appreciated how the curve and shape of her behind seemed to fit her frame perfectly. It kept me captivated as she led me to the middle of my room, and like always, my imagination ran wild as I envisioned myself perched behind her, driving my dick deeper inside of her with every thrust.

I shook my head, hoping to keep my head in the present and out of my useless fantasies. It never did me any good and was only worth to putting it into the spank bank. However, things have changed, and now that my Mistress was tangible to me, I realized how generic and unimaginative my daydreams actually were.

"Stop here, pet," my Mistress instructed me as she pivoted on her heel to face me. She placed her small hands on my chest, drumming her fingers against my sternum. "I am going to remove the handcuffs now, but when I do, I want you to bring your arms in the front of your body. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress."

As my Mistress removed the cuffs like promised, I followed her detailed instructions down to the last letter. The whole process took less than a minute and before I knew it, my arms were above my head and attached to a chain that hung from the ceiling. It was funny how unobservant I'd been and how I never fucking saw the suspension device's that was attached to my ceiling. I was completely baffled by how I could miss such a thing.

I guess my mind was always elsewhere and things were bound to slip past me.

"Do you remember our safe words, Edward?" Bella asked me in a concerned voice.

She had her purple flogger out and was trailing the leather straps languidly across my chest, causing small shivers to go up my spine. It was a comforting sensation and I closed my eyes, letting it consume me.

"Yes, Mistress," I replied roughly.

"What were they?" she coaxed, smacking me lightly on my bare ass, circling me like I was her prey.

"Green, yellow, and red," I winced, opening my eyes as another stiff sting hit me.

"That's correct. I am aware of your hard and soft limits and I know you can handle some rough play, but tonight, I am going to play nice," she paused right in front of me, placing the flogger on my cheek, and caressing me with it. "That won't always be the case, my pet," she kissed me softly on the lips, causing me to groan. "Are you ready to play?"

"Yes, Mistress," I grunted, pushing my hips into her.

She smirked as she backed away, narrowing her eyes at me in a devious way. She ran the flogger through her fingers before walking around to my backside and letting loose. The sharp sting of the leather straps on my needy flesh ignited a chain reaction in me. It was the familiar burn that I craved and as my Mistress became relentless, smacking me harder than the last, I felt my pelvis jerk forwards.

_Thwack!_

This was the reason for everything, why I never walked away from her when I had the chance. It was why I went into the purple room with Mr. Harrison and masturbated in front of that fucking asshole. The way she made me feel so complete and alive with every snap of her leather whip, proved to me that I wanted this—that I needed it. It was my fucking drug. My sickness and I was content on not having a cure.

_Thwack!_

"What's your color, Edward," my Mistress asked.

"Green, Mistress…I am green," I panted, flexing my arms as I shifted my body.

"That's very good," she praised as she whacked me again, but this time it really hurt.

"Ugh," I moaned.

The pain was fucking rocking me to the core and my dick responded. He liked it as much as I did, and what surprised me was the fact that he was ready to burst into flames and spread his seed all over the shag carpet.

"Don't come, Edward," my Mistress warned knowingly, smacking with her flogger for emphasis. "You don't want to make me unhappy."

"No, Mistress," I hissed as another strong whack pierced my wanting flesh.

The order to not cum was easier said than done because the fiercer she was with her toy, the more my dick throbbed. It was looking for some needed release. I still had the taste of my Mistress in my mouth, accompanied with the wicked pain of her brutal hand; it was looking like a done deal.

_Thwack!_

The feel of the whip was different this time and without having to look, I knew that she switched up her weapon of choice. The sting was more distinct and didn't flare around my surrounding skin like the flogger did. This was very precise and poignant in its assault and with every snap my fingers clenched tightly as I fought to remain control of my impending orgasm.

"Yellow," I hissed.

There was silence for a long time and I feared that I just fucked up everything. Even though I wasn't in any pain from the lashings, I felt that if she didn't stop what she was doing that I was going to unintentionally disobey her.

That was the last thing I wanted to do.

_I loved her too much to see the disappointment in her eyes…_

"Are you okay, Edward? Did I hurt you?" Bella's soft voice asked as she came around to stand in front of me.

She was clutching a black whip that I'd never seen before; her brow was furrowed with concern as the sweat that rolled off her, illuminating her creamy white skin. She looked so mussed up and sexy. The usually slick hair was now in a complete disarray and I instantly regretted calling out yellow in the first place.

_Please don't stop…_

"I was too close, Mistress," I admitted shamefully.

She cocked her head to the side, unsure what to make of my confession, but soon her eyes moved down my body. A small and knowing smile graced her face when she saw how much my cock was leaking all over the place, pulsating with blood, and I assumed it looked fucking purple. She took a step towards me, grabbing on to my shaft and jerking her hand upwards.

"Shit," I groaned loudly, relishing in the way she made me feel, but even that simple touch was playing with fire.

The slightest flick of her wrist would throw me over the edge and there was no fucking way I would be able to sustain any sort of stimulation…the fact that I hadn't already blown my load was a feat within itself.

"Hmm, well, it seems that your tolerance isn't up to par," she sighed, sliding her hand firmly down my cock. "I guess we are going to have to remedy that, aren't we?"

Before I could even respond, she released her firm grip on me, and I missed the feel of her hand as soon as it was gone...

Quicker than humanly possible, my Mistress moved away from me and towards the door. The chains that were hanging from the ceiling were on a mechanical device, and when Bella went to the light switches by the door and there was a slight hum as my arms were being lowered. It was the craziest and the most elaborate set-up that I'd ever seen, and I really started to wonder how much money she really had. Judging from the house, car, and multiple gadgets, I would say it was a fucking lot.

"Go lie on the bed," she ordered as she removed me from my cuffs.

The redness around my wrists was very faint, but still raw. Since we arrived back home, almost two hours ago, I've been detained within those cold metal handcuffs and I was bound to have some sore rash.  _But_  considering the fun I'd been having…I wasn't about to complain about the minor inconveniences.

"We'll fix you up later, pet," my mistress said looking at me almost apologetically as she placed her hands on my wrists.

"Thank you, Mistress," I murmured.

She gave me a stiff nod and a small smile as she pushed me towards the bed. My focus was now directed at the king-size mattress with the black satin sheets that was looking so warm and inviting, and as I went to crawl into it, I felt a strong surge of panic.

Glancing back to locate my Mistress, I noticed that she was gone from the immediate area of the room. It was the strangest feeling and it was like I almost could sense her absence. Scanning the room frantically, I saw that my closet light was on and sound of soft shuffling of someone going through some drawers was wafting through the open door.

I scrunched up my face in confusion, wondering what the fuck she was doing.

_Should I go after her?_

As I decided to get up she stepped out of the closet, shutting off the light behind her. Her eyes immediately found mine as I sat crouched on the bed, muscles tight, and ready to spring. The expression on her face was soft and adoring, and nothing like I had expected.

 _How does she do that?_ I wondered in amazement.

She approached the bed with fierce determination, and when she saw that I was still in my upright position, she put her hand on my chest, forcefully pushing me back.

"You  _must_  learn to listen," she said, reaching over me to tie my wrist to the bed post and inadvertently putting her left breast in my face.

My tongue peeked out and licked my lips. It was such a natural response to want to suck on her perfect nipples, but something told me to behave. My Mistress never gave me permission to lavish her with my mouth again, and I sensed that I was so close to having this fucking erection finally sated.

_Don't fucking rock the boat, Cullen._

Of course, that wasn't for certain, but I also didn't want to take chances. If there was one thing I learned, it was that patience was a god damned virtue and self-control was what got me here in the first place. Sure, I slipped and fucked up on more than one occasion , but I was a man. There was no way she expected me to be perfect right out of the gate.

I was still in training and I had few things to figure out before I could truly graduate into a seasoned sub.

"Now, how does that feel? To tight?" My Mistress asked, tugging on the final tie on my right foot.

"No, Mistress," I replied, moving my hands and legs to show her that I was just fine.

She nodded as she moved off the bed and back to my night stand. My eyes followed her the entire way as I memorized every line of her slender form, burning the shape of her breasts and color of her brownish-pink nipples into memory. The easy confidence she had in her nudity was so refreshing; not once did she try to shield her body away from my willing eyes.

She glided effortlessly around my room with such ease and when she did address me, I saw the true reason behind it. She knew she was driving me crazy and the fact that I was growing more restless watching her, the more she fed off that.

My arousal excited her…

"I hate having to use these blasted things," she stated matter of factly as she sat on the bed next to me, opening up the condom wrapper. She sighed. "Unfortunately, until we get your results back these things will have to do."

I gasped when my Mistress took a hold of my shaft and began to unroll the condom over my erect penis. My breathing was starting to come out erratically as I fought to keep my cool because the realization that my Mistress' pussy was going to be wrapped around me was…I couldn't fucking think.

"Relax, pet," my Mistress smiled as she placed a calming hand on my chest.

It wasn't something I could just do and as much as I took in deep breaths to prepare myself, all of that seemed to go out the fucking window the moment she shifted her body so she was straddling me. My cock touched the back of her ass as her wet pussy sat on me, causing me to jerk my hips upward, nearly bucking her off.

The frustration was clearly on my Mistress' face as she smacked me hard on my chest, warning me to fucking behave.

"Sorry, Mistress," I muttered, silently vowing to her and to myself that I would show better restraint in the future.

"Just relax," she echoed as she hovered over me, gripping the base of my cock tightly, and positioning me at the apex of her entrance.

The latex of the condom was no better than that fucking chastity belt and I hated that my first time with my Goddess wasn't going to be skin to skin contact—but despite all that, I wasn't going to be fucking retarded about it either. I fully comprehended that I was finally going to be fully sheathed in my Mistress.

She glanced up at me as she put the tip of my head in between her soaked lips, moving it up and down her folds, smiling coyly. I groaned loudly as my eyes stayed transfixed on her movements as she began to lower herself slowly on to my cock. It was so agonizing and frustrating because the craving I had to feel her was making me fidgety. The moment was finally here and I still couldn't fuck her the way I wanted…

_Fuck!_

I clamped my eyes closed and clenched my jaw, hoping to control my hips and stop the urge to thrust my dick into her. There was no way I could fucking maintain any sort of constraint any longer. I needed to focus my thoughts on something else, I needed a distraction.

_Emmett naked. Jasper naked. My parent's doing it._

"Don't close your eyes, Edward. I want all your attention on me," my Mistress snapped.

"Yes, Mistress," I replied regrettably as I opened them in time to see her lower herself completely on to me…her moist lips wrapping around like a hot embrace.

_Holy…_

We both let out a groan at the same time; the feeling of her ribbed walls around me was fucking intoxicating. It was hot, wet, tight…fuck, it was all I could do not to cum right then and there. I felt like such teenager who was getting pussy for the first time.

_God, she feels so good._

Bella sat on top of me, unmoving, for a minute. Her deep brown eyes boring into mine, and as she placed her hands on my thighs, I could sense what was coming next.

She was going to fucking ride me.

She moved her hips in a circular motion, my cock hitting every inch of her pussy, and as much as my hands wanted to go to her hips to guide her movements, I knew I was fucked. She was in complete control of me and she was going to decide how slow or fast we went. She was setting her own pace and directing her own pleasure.

"Mmm," she moaned as her hands flew to her breasts, kneading them relentlessly. She took her nipple in between her forefinger and thumb, pinching the shit out of it. The way she cried out under her own ministrations brought back the memory of her and Mr. Pinky…except that it was my cock now that was making her wither with pleasure.

_Shit…I am too close!_

The friction was unbearable as she picked up the tempo, sliding her slickness up and down my shaft, causing it to twitch furiously inside of her. There wasn't much more I could fucking take and I felt like such a little bitch. It'd been weeks since I came and the way my Mistress was riding me, I was steadily reaching climax.

_Fuck! Jasper naked! Bella's pussy! No! Jasper and Emmett naked!_

"Oh shit," she whimpered as she bit down on her lower lip, and placed her small hands on my chest to give herself more leverage.

There was no fucking way I was going to be able to repress the sensations that were building rapidly inside of me. Her pussy was so fucking tight and warm, clenching around my cock. Her titties hung beautifully for my eyes to feast on as she bent down over me, engulfing my face with her chestnut hair.

_Fuck, she smells like god damned vanilla cake!_

The desire to have my hands free so to grip her tight ass was powerful, but most of all, I wanted to be able brush her hair from her face. The fact that I couldn't see her eyes or her lips was driving me insane and I needed to see her! I wanted to witness the exact moment she climaxed and I had to know for certain that I was the one who did that to her.

That it was  _my_  cock that she rode until she came…

"Fuck, I can't…too close," I breathed, struggling in my restraints more viciously.

She shot her fierce gaze up at me, "I didn't say you could come."

She shifted her weight up, throwing her hair back, and placing her hands on the side of me as she got to the balls on her feet and started riding me more quickly. My cock slid in and out of her with precession, hitting a spot so deep inside of her, and each time as she cried out loudly, her face beautiful in its blissful agony.

"Mistress," I grunted.

"Don't you fucking dare," she said in a pant as she threw her hand over my mouth, thrusting herself on me, our skin slapping together loudly.

Closing my eyes, I tried hard to focus on something else that would stall me from coming. However, the tightening of my Mistress' walls was not helping in the least, but it did give me some comfort knowing that she was close to her own climax.

_So warm, so tight, and so fucking wet…Fuck!_

My dick was a gluttonous son of a bitch, he wanted her all to himself and as much as I tried to refuse him the pleasure, I could sense that he was getting past the point of no return. The pang in the pit of my stomach was starting to flourish and I knew if my Mistress didn't come soon…

"Okay, my pet," my mistress said breathlessly, removing her hand from my mouth.

I opened my eyes and saw that she was  _really_  close. The furrow of her brow and the intense look in her eyes as her walls clamped around my cock told me that she was coming and she already told me that I was free to let myself go…there was no stopping me.

_Screw it!_

All those days of my Mistress teasing and denying me any sexual gratification had finally come to a head as I exploded deep inside of my Mistress, squeezing my eyes shut as my body tensed.

"Fuck," I hissed.

The wave of pleasure that rippled through my body was like a domino effect. Every part of me was jerking and convulsing like I was having a fucking seizure. It was the strongest and most intense orgasm, traveling its way down to my lower limbs like soothing surf, and it left me feeling numb all over in its wake.

I gazed down at my Mistress and saw that she was slumped on top of my chest and breathing hard, her hair splayed out around us. She was very quiet as she caressed the side of my body with her soft fingers, trailing them over my ribs and along my tattoos. I was still tied to the bed and unable to wrap my arms around her like I wanted to and as I breathed in her fragrance that surrounded me like a veil, I realized how content I really was.

It was the best god damned gift she could ever reward me and somehow she managed to do the one thing that Kate never did...

 _She took my virginity_.

That was when it hit like a fucking wrecking ball. I finally understood why the allure of her lifestyle had intrigued me the way it did and why I would never leave her.

The fear that I wouldn't want her afterwards was wiped clean. It was idiotic of me to think that sex would douse out the fire within me—no, the truth was that the flames were engulfing me now and the brighter the inferno got the less I was blinded by it.

I just knew.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered.

My Mistress didn't flinch at my words nor did she attempt to say anything, and I wondered briefly if she just didn't hear me or if she decided to ignore my confession.

Either way, it didn't matter because it was already too late for me.


	19. The Plane of Ecliptic

**Chapter Eighteen**

**~The Plane of Ecliptic~**

After weeks and weeks of being sexually frustrated and rebuffed, my explosive orgasm left me completely paralyzed. The effects of the phenomenon was long-lasting as it traveled its way through my body like a fret train, leaving a strong tingling sensation at the tips of my fingers and toes.

Everything was different to me, but still managed to feel the same. I didn't know what time it was or how long it'd been since my Mistress collapsed on top of me, but I didn't fucking care. My brain checked out on reality the moment that she allowed me to touch her. The only thing that brought me out of the euphoric coma was the fact that my Mistress' hands were still. The lazy path that she'd been making with her fingers against my ribcage had ceased.

I missed her touch.

Now that I was alert and responsive, I noticed that Bella was still a heap of silken flesh on my chest and the soft timber of her breathing had slowed down to a nearly inaudible frequency. As I shifted in my restraints, I realized that the position I was in was not in my favor, and I had to crane my neck, in such an inhumanly way, to get a better view of her. The coffee brown strands of her locks were matted to her forehead from the dried sweat. My fingers twitched, instinctively, to move the bits of hair from her face, only to be denied.

_I need to make sure she's real._

My unrelenting limitation was causing me to grind my teeth in frustration. The fact that I couldn't make out the beautiful lines of her face was making me quite antsy, and as result, the six thousand dollars in dental work was getting pulverized.

I took a deep and forceful breath, willing myself to calm down …

_Fuck it!_

The desire to see my Mistress was intensifying, propelling my firm determination, as I forced my sore upper body to arch and contort. The pulling and twisting of my wrists against the rigid rope was rubbing my skin raw, but even still, I continued to push myself through the searing pain.

Somehow I managed to give myself enough leeway on my constraints, and as I focused on her delicate features, I saw that her eyes were indeed closed. Her thick lashes were lying gently against her porcelain white skin, creating faint shadows. A small flicker of movement caught my immediate attention, and as I watched her beautiful face attentively, I saw a quick and rapid flutter behind her lids.

 _She sleeps_.

It was hard to look away from her because she looked so fucking ethereal in her slumber, but the piercing pain in my back was becoming unbearable. I decided it was best to relax my strained muscles as I shifted into a more comfortable position.

Once I was lying flat on my back again and staring blankly at the ceiling, I chuckled softly. The irony of the situation was not lost on me and I shook my head as the role reversal became very clear. It was pretty fucking funny. I mean, in the not so distant past the shoe was on the other foot. There was countless times where I would pass out on the girls after an intense roll in the hay. It wasn't something I intentionally did all the time, but I didn't actively try to stay awake either.

Now there I was, my hands and feet tied to the bed posts, my flaccid cock firmly encased within my Mistress's warm body, and I was the one who was left feeling…disregarded.

Fuck, well isn't this just karma at its finest. That vengeful bitch was coming back ten folds to kick me in the gonads for being such a God damned prick.

Well, needless to say, I got the picture.

The silence from my Mistress offered me some solitude as I went over my declaration to her. I meant it full heartedly and I still do, but I couldn't stop the panic that started to lodge itself in the back of my throat.

It was the first time I'd ever uttered those words to a woman and I didn't take it lightly. Even though Bella and I consummated our relationship, I didn't think she felt even an iota of what I felt about her.

This was a business arrangement for her.

There were times that I saw more behind those deep brown orbs of hers, but they were merely glimpses, and I couldn't base her feelings off of that. It just sucked because I was still so fucking confused and I couldn't beat back the nagging feeling of uncertainty. It seemed as though I was the only one who truly was giving their all in this relationship…or whatever the fuck this is.

_Shit…I am so done for._

Bella's small frame shifted slightly on my chest and I quickly held my breath. The possibility of her waking up and having to be confronted with my words of love wasn't something I wanted to deal with at the moment. I needed more time to get my story straight or at least make up some lame ass excuse.

The bravery I showed moments ago in amidst of my orgasmic high was starting to crumble and the doubt was creeping up in my veins once again. The shame for my stupidity was next in line, and as much as I didn't want to ever regret telling her, but the unknown was making me wish I never said anything in the first place.

_Was she going be pissed off at me for jumping the gun like that?_

The only way I could predict her reaction was to think back to my whoring days. What did I do when a girl, I was just sleeping with, said she loved me?

I fucking ran; that's what I did.

That thought left me little comfort and the idea of Bella running away from me was causing me hyperventilate.

I needed to just fucking relax.

The last thing I wanted to do was to break down in front of her like some little bitch. It would only make things worse and at this point, I needed to keep my head in tact—well, that's if I still fucking had one.

_Shit. I need a cigarette._

Lifting up my head and glancing around the dimly lit room, my eyes fell upon the digital clock in the far right corner. It displayed, maliciously, that it was nearly three o'clock in the _fucking_  morning.

I practically groaned when I remembered that I'd made plans to meet up with Jasper and Emmett later for lunch. It was something I scheduled,  _carelessly_ , on Monday. It was in response to my promise I made to Jazz to fully disclose my living situation with him. The questions that were on the tip of his tongue was something that I couldn't handle at the time and as a last ditch effort to avoid him, I proposed a little gab-fest over pizza.

How stupid could I actually be?

There was no way in hell that Jasper  _wasn't_  going to hold me to this little date of ours. His curiosity was probably killing him by now and it was very fucking doubtful that it would _just_  slip his mind.

_When was the last time he forgot about something?_

That kid had the memory of an elephant, and he always,  _always_  gave people shit when they didn't stay firm to their word. I mean, that was how he was raised. He was Texan and his parent's were nothing but pure blooded, self-respecting southerners.

Straight shooters, those Whitlock's...

In his defense, he wasn't a  _complete_  hard-ass. Most of the time he would let me slide on some major shit, but lying and being flaky was a deal breaker for him. There was  _only_ one time that I could recall that I'd made the mistake of breaking my word to him. It wasn't that long ago and I couldn't exactly recall the circumstances, but the thing I'll never forget was the look of disappointment in his eyes…it literally crushed me. I felt like the biggest pile of shit and I  _swore_  to him, up and down, that I would always be truthful with him.

All he wanted was fucking honesty and he  _demanded_  it in a friendship.

That was why when he texted me on Wednesday to confirm our plans, I didn't try to get out of it—especially when I knew that I was only digging myself into a deeper fucking hole—instead, I told him that I would be there with bells on, quietly cursing myself for being such an asshat.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

Even though I was stumped on what lie I was going to tell Emmett and Jazz, that was still the very  _least_ of my concerns. The problem I'd managed to create was the fact that I never checked in with my Mistress to see if it was  _actually_  okay for me to go meet up with the guys.

It astounded me how moronic and thoughtless my actions had been lately. The moment I am on a good terms with my Mistress, I go and fuck it up. It didn't matter if I made these plans with the intentions of not keeping them. The fact was that I didn't ask or  _discuss_ this with her, and that was a big fucking no-no.

Two weeks or so ago, I would've never thought twice about running this by her, or anyone else for that matter, but things were different now. It was programmed in me to check in with her and I knew that any good sub would make sure that they confirmed their agenda with their Domme. If she had plans for me and I tried to change them on her without asking, I knew that would be a blatant defiance to her.

_I didn't want to disappoint her anymore._

"Such an  _idiot_ ," I growled.

The vibration of my chest as the aggravation rumbled through me caused my Mistress jolt up violently. She glanced around wildly, looking totally confused by her surroundings. When she turned back to me, her hair was in disarray and completely in an unruly state as it cascaded over her petite shoulders. It looked like a fucking bird's nest, but despite all that, she still managed to knock the wind out of me…she was stunning.

She shot her eyes down at me as she pushed the dark mahogany strands from her face. There was a brief glimmer of recognition as she appraised me carefully with her intense gaze. My hands were already clenched into tight fists, and every single muscle in my body was strained as I anticipated her next move. The best thing I could do was remain completely still. My Mistress was a volatile animal and I was petrified to startle her any further.

"How long have I've been asleep?" she asked me in a quiet, but rough voice.

"You've been…" I trailed off as she placed her hands on my chest and gently started to run her fingers through the little patch of hair that was there.

It was the most innocent touch, and normally it wouldn't have affected me like that, but she had the undeniable power to render me fucking useless. Every God damned thought just fucking evaporated into thin air and I ended up gawking up at her in my self-induced stupor.

The smile that graced her face was serene, and it was the most relaxed I'd ever seen her. The hardness behind her features that she wore just mere hours ago was gone, and for the first time since I'd know her, I saw the Bella that Angela had been talking about. The truth behind her struggles became very clear to me, and I understood her. She was a strong woman who was just trying to survive in this world without losing her shit. It was a tight rope we both balanced on, but the difference was she was doing it with a big fucking elephant on her back.

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Never mind. Here, let's get you untied."

The sudden disconnect as she removed herself from my lap was startling, and even though I knew the warmth of my Mistress' center wasn't forever, I was still unprepared for it. Every fiber of my being wanted to pull her back and keep her there, but I couldn't.

It was the most frustrating position to be in because all my instincts told me to devour her…to consume her. The caveman mentality was never really dormant, and the years upon years of taking what I wanted when I wanted it was still in me. The only reason I fought back these urges at all was because of the respect I had for my Mistress. She lived by a different set of rules and if I ever wanted to taste her velvety skin on my tongue again, I knew that it was best to obey them.

It was a constant tug of war with me.

Bella stood over me with contemplation in her brow. The glow from the faint light in the room created tantalizing shadows on her pert breasts, and as my eyes continued to travel along her svelte form, I felt the need for her bubbling up inside of me once again.

 _Me man want woman,_ I mentally jeered as I shifted in my constraints.

It was a hopeless effort to distract myself from the blood that was slowing draining from my upper body and moving its way to the lower regions.

Bella smirked at me as she noticed the slight problem that was arising. "Hold on tight, I'll be right back," she said as she dashed out of my room.

_Great... We've scared her._

Not even three minutes later Bella returned wearing, to my complete disappointment, an oversized white t-shirt and shorts. She quickly got to work of disposing of the condom and untying me. The sudden freedom was bittersweet because my skin was still so raw from the ropes and I couldn't seem to redirect my thoughts from the aching pain.

The upside was that my previous problem was no longer an issue. At least the poor guy knew when to call a quits.

_Thank God._

"Here, sit up," she spoke softly as she placed her hands on my arms and helped me scoot to the edge of the bed. She reached around me to my night stand and grabbed the lotion that Jacob had given me. She smiled appreciatively at it. "I'm so glad that Jake gave this to you. He usually likes to save it for his own subs. He must've been quite taken with you."

I shrugged as a response, not sure exactly what to say to that. All in all, he was very nice, but the fact that he was Dom seemed to only make the waxing situation ten times worse.

She squeezed the lotion into her palm and laid a small amount on my battered wrists. The coolness of it was instant relief and I relished in the way her fingers rubbed the soothing cream into my sore skin.

"See, this stuff is amazing, huh?" she asked, nudging me with her elbow.

I nodded sluggishly, still unable to articulate a sentence.

"Alright, stand up so I can get your back," she directed as she stood up from the bed.

Rising to my feet, my Mistress turned me away so that my back was facing her. I stared absently at the bed post as I waited for her to touch me. It was still unclear what was in worse shape: my wrists, my back, or my poor ass cheeks. In all honesty, I didn't even feel my back and ass cheeks most of the night—well, except when she was whipping me with her flogger. The shit she was putting on me now was working wonders and when her soft ministrations drifted down to towards the top of my ass, further caressing me in ways I didn't even know were possible— _fuck_ , I think I may have moaned.

This immediately elicited a faint chuckle from my Mistress. "That's the Aloe Vera that you're feeling."

_No, it's your hands on my ass that I'm feeling._

The tenderness of her actions as she smoothed the lotion over my inflamed skin was very familiar and I was instantly reminded of the time she took care of me after my first punishment. There was a Jekyll and Hyde side to my Mistress, and I found that those defining characteristics were what drew me into her in the first place. The way she always kept me on my toes had given my life a new, unfound excitement that I'd never known.

A world filled with so much pleasure and pain.

My life before her was…predictable. Day after day, I was doing the same tired shit without a second thought. It was merely out of sheer boredom that I began doing some unspeakable things. It was during those times I would curse out my teachers with some self-anointed superiority. Then there were the countless women that I would use for my own selfish pleasure, throwing those poor girls away like yesterday's garbage. If that wasn't bad enough, I wasted my life by continuously drowning myself in vats of alcohol—which by the way would end up leading me into my next vise; violent bar fights.

I did these things because my life was tedious, and I wanted to find a way to enliven my bland existence. The fact that I didn't need a God damned therapist to figure this shit out just proved how much Bella fucking saved me from myself and she didn't even know it.

"Thank you, Mistress," I whispered to her in hopes to express my infinite gratitude.

Her hands stilled on my lower back and I heard a large exasperated sigh.

_Oh fuck!_

The distance between us was just a few inches, but the way the sudden tension filled the air made it feel like we were miles apart.

"I'm going to level with you, Edward. I understand that you are still  _very_  new to this lifestyle and it may seem  _thrilling_  at first, but I don't think you realize what being a true submissive means.  _These_  marks that I put on you are more than just skin deep. They affect you in ways you could never imagine," she paused, softly stroking my back with her fingertips, tracing the welts, and sending chills throughout my body. She groaned in frustration, slapping me on the shoulder. " _Fuck_ , normally I wouldn't even give a shit or think twice about my submissives feelings, but it's just you're… _Look_ , I think we both got what we wanted out of this. It's time to call a quits and go our separate ways."

_No, no, no, no. This can't be fucking happening._

A million different emotions knocked me flat on my ass, but the one that was causing the most havoc was sheer panic. My rapid pulse pounded behind my eye lids as I squeezed them shut. My stomach lurched and I felt like I was going to puke. The finality of her words was like a thousand knives stabbing me in my chest and no magic lotion was going to save me from  _that_  pain. The thought of never seeing or feeling her scorching touch again was inconceivable to me.

This was who I was. This was my fucking life.  _She_ was my life.

The fact that she believed that all this was to me was some fucking fling or a phase, experimentation of escapism, was ludicrous.

"You can pack your things tomorrow," she said coldly, wounding me again in my already dilapidated heart.

My back was still facing her, but the tone of her voice told me that she was shutting herself off. It didn't make sense to me how we could go from tender touches, as she provided me aftercare, to kicking me out of her life. There had to be a way to fix this and the only thing that came to mind was to become a fucking beggar. If it came down to it, I would throw my fucking arms around her body and plead with her to keep me.

The truth of the matter was that I was desperately in love with her and there was nothing that I wasn't willing to do to prove that. Hell, if she needed me to shed my fucking blood, I wouldn't even hesitate. Whatever she desired, I wanted to be the one she directed her orders to.

She was the air that breathed new life into my existence. She had to know how much she meant to me. I mean, I  _fucking_  told her that I loved her…

_Oh no._

The moment it all clicked for me was around the same time I heard the soft shuffling of her feet. The faint sounds of her retreating caused me to react as I swung around and grabbed her by the wrists. She narrowed her eyes at me hatefully as she tried to jerk free, but I wasn't willing to let her slip away so easily. So, like a fucking Neanderthal, I tightened my grip and pulled her body flushed against mine. In hindsight it may have not been the smartest move, but I was frantic. I couldn't bear to let her go.

Not ever.

"This isn't because I said I loved you, is it?" I asked with a mixture of panic and disbelief.

Her fierce glare softened and she sighed tiredly. "That's not what this is about, Edward. I wasn't surprised that you said that. I mean, I've kept you so tightly wound-up these past few weeks that you would've said that to anyone."

I'm not sure if I was thankful to know that she discounted my feelings as merely orgasm induced or if I was fucking devastated, crushed by her arrant assumptions.

_Well, if this intense throbbing in my chest was any indication…_

I grimaced, feigning to keep the hurt of her words from my face, "What is it then?"

"I didn't realize how young and impressionable you were," she replied somberly, slipping out of my hold and taking a step away from me. "At first it was fun because I was trying to scare you off, but I didn't expect you to take it so seriously. I can see it now in your eyes. You think this world that I've showed you is so great and beautiful, but it's all a lie. I can't keep you here against your will any longer."

"You think you've trapped me here or something?" She nodded her head slowly. I scoffed. "Well, that's crazy. I'm here because I fucking want to be."

"You've only been a submissive for two weeks, Edward. That's not enough time to fully grasp the concept of what it means to serve a Domme. You have no idea what it takes to fully commit yourself," she replied condescendingly.

"That's the biggest pile of shit I've ever heard," I ranted. She glowered at me, looking as though she wanted to smack me across the room. I took a deep breath and spoke with a softer tone. "I am highly aware of what it takes and I am more than willing to give my all to this. Despite what you may think I didn't walk into this blindly. I know it's exactly what I want," I paused taking a step towards her, closing the distance between us, and imploring her with my eyes. "I can do more if that's what you need. Whatever you want you want me to do, I'll do it. No questions asked, Mistress. Just please keep me."

"Edward, will you  _please_  just listen to me for a moment," she rubbed her forehead roughly and I could see her underlying irritation with me. She huffed. "You're a quick learner and highly devoted, I'll admit that, and maybe one day, when you're older—more mature and secure in your own skin—you could be a really good submissive to some future Domme—"

"I don't want some other Domme, Bella!" I growled through my gritted teeth, pouting like some five year-old. "I want you! I've always wanted you."

"You're feelings for me are just merely infatuation, Edward," she said in a placating tone.

"No, you're wrong," I argued, shaking my head.

"How can I make this work if you're always arguing and defying me?" she asked angrily. "It doesn't matter anymore. Regardless of how you think you feel about me, you're just simply too arrogant to be my submissive. I don't have the time or energy to teach you, nor do I have the strength to keep on punishing you when you do stupid shit wrong. It's not how I like to do things. It's just best if we both admit that we're not cut out for this. Granted, it was fun while it lasted, but now it's time to get back to reality.  _You_  have to go back to your regular life and just forget about me."

_Forget? Was she fucking serious?_

I laughed humorlessly. "I've been trying to forget about you from day fucking one, Bella. If I couldn't do it then, what makes you think I can do it now?"

"Shit, I knew this was a mistake," she hissed as she began pacing the room. She stopped abruptly in front of me, throwing her hands up in frustration. "What the hell am I supposed to do then? Keep you on as my sub? Make you into some… _boy toy_  for my own sexual gratification? You realize that's all this will be?" she gestured between the two of us. "There will never be anything more."

"I understand that's the risk that I would be taking, but it's better than the ladder. I want you. I don't care how I get it," I stated truthfully.

Bella wasn't pulling any punches and she was telling me flat out that there was a chance that she would never love me. It was hard thing to face, but there was still that small glimmer of hope that she could change her mind. All I knew was that I wasn't willing to give this up. Bella was my home now and she was the only one who truly allowed me to be myself…The defective and fucked up person that I was.

How could I turn my back on that over something that wasn't for certain?

"You want me that much that you're willing to degrade yourself by being whipped and abused by me? Why can't you see you deserve more in your life than  _this?_ " she asked in disbelief.

It became very clear to me that she figured a kid of my upbringing would be appalled by this lifestyle. That was why she didn't trust me and was always questioning my motives. In a way, I didn't blame her for being so wary, and it still confused me at times of why I took to this submissive role so quickly. The only explanation I could come up with was that I'd always been this way.

I was just searching for the perfect Domme to tame me.

"Why can't  _you_ see that this is who I am? It's not something I'm just trying out to see if I like it, Bella," I beseeched as I reached up cupped her soft cheek.

I half expected her to bat away my advances, but she just stared at me with incredulity. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I don't want anything from you. I just  _need_ you to be my Domme.  _Please_. I'm fucking begging you."

Just like a flick of a light switch, her whole demeanor changed. The frustration and hopelessness was washed away and replaced with curiosity. She cocked her head to the side, gazing at me intently, and searching my face for any fault to my words.

"Do you  _really_ mean that?" she asked.

I nodded fervently.

"Okay, I'll give you one more chance to prove your commitment to me as a sub," she said decisively.

"Thank you, Mistress," I replied gratefully, stroking her soft cheek with my thumb as I slowly bent down to seal it with a kiss.

"Not so fast, Casa Nova," she interjected, brushing my hand away from her face. When I pulled back from her, I saw that a small, but unmistakable, devious grin was forming on her full lips. "If you want to be my submissive; you're going to learn real quick that I don't go halfway on anything. You think I was being hard on you before, pet?" she questioned, grabbing me gruffly by the chin. "My licks were  _kitten_  compared to what I could really do to you."

It wasn't a threat…it was a promise. The fact that my stupid heart did somersaults wasn't surprising. The pain of her whips was something that excited me more than I could ever express. The mere sight of that purple flogger made my blood boil. The only thing that could ever put the fear of God in me was the possibility of separation.

"I must warn you. I don't crack so easily, Mistress," I stated rather arrogantly.

She raised her eyebrow at me skeptically, sensing a challenge in my words. "Is that a fact, persistent Edward? Well, let's see what we can do to change that."


	20. The Hale Inquisition

**Chapter Nineteen**

**~The Hale Inquisition~**

For the first time in my life I was actually early. Well, a little too fucking early if you ask me. The clock's second hand on my watch taunted me as it moved at an agonizing pace. It was barely twelve-fifteen in the afternoon, and I'd been at the restaurant since eleven just waiting for Jasper and Emmett to arrive. Normally, I would've been the one who showed up thirty minutes late, but with my impending date with the guys, Bella's trust issues, and vividly reliving the precise moment that I entered my Mistress's hot, wet—Yeah, I needed to get out of the house and some time to myself to think.

Besides, the smell of my Mistress was still laced within my bed sheets and every time I buried my nose in the pillows, I would envision her perk breast bouncing as she furiously rode me. After an hour or two with that mindset, it didn't take me to long to realize that sleep wasn't happening.

Around nine that morning, I got up and took a shower, and  _holy fuck_  was it the most eye-opening experience I'd ever had. It's really quite strange to have such a response to something as simple as taking a shower, but with the hot water flowing over my tense muscles and the torque of the spray as it pelted deviously against my fresh welts, courtesy of my Mistress, it was awe-inspiring.

It was the battle of the senses between pleasure and pain.

What rocked me to the core was that it was oddly familiar to my intense and uncertain relationship that I shared with Bella. It was a very thin line that I was fighting to balance on each and every day. Where love and pain wasn't a concept, but actually existed, coinciding in perfect harmony.

It was impossible to escape the supernatural effect that she had over me. It was deeply rooted into my foundation of who I was, and continually stirring shit up like a God damned melting pot. She kept me on edge at all times, dipping me on highs and lows like I was on some emotional rollercoaster— _fuck_ , that shit made me sound like such a pussy, but it was the only way I could fucking describe it. Bella evoked a mixture of feelings within me on a daily basis. Things I never knew I  _could_ feel. It went way beyond the sex she provided or the whips she taunted me with—which was all fucking marvelous.

It was a plethora of little things wrapped up into one fucked up little package…that package being me, of course.

Closing my tired eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to distract myself from my thoughts. When I glanced back up, I noticed Jasper waiting up by the hostess stand. His biker's helmet was tucked underneath his left arm, and his leather bomber jacket was zipped completely up to his chin. He looked like he was aiming for the look of James Dean in 'Rebel without a Cause' as he ran his free hand through his chaotic hair.

Rolling my eyes, I snorted.  _Ah, so it looks as though he brought his lady along._

About a year ago, Jazz bought a Triumph Rocket Roadster…it was either a two or three, I didn't fucking know, I was barely listening when he told me. All I knew was the kid was in love with that thing. He'd been stalking the weather channel for the last month or so, looking for an opening, just itching to ride her. Unfortunately, it been unusually cold lately and not really optimal weather for bike riding, but today the stars aligned and the weather was different. There was a sudden shift in the atmosphere and the sun came out, heating up Chicago.

So, I can't say that I was all that surprised when he showed up with his 'lady'. Hell, it was the closest thing he had to a relationship at the moment, and he was  _very_  attentive and loving to that big chunk of metal. I mean, the man was practically obsessed with every aspect of its 'sleek' features.

In the past, I'd given him shit for it, but now…Well, let's just say I couldn't seem to get the image of Bella on top of a pulsating bike out of my perverted head.

Pinch.

"Fuck," I hissed as the chastity belt squeezed the shit out of my dick.

I was such a glutton for punishment. The belt was no longer required of me, and Bella even told me that I proved myself to be trustworthy in that department, but for some idiotic reason I still wanted to wear it. It made me feel connected to her in a way, knowing that she was at home with the key. It was a huge fucking turn on for me, and not only that, the belt kept my ass in check with reality. It controlled me in situations like these, where a hard-on was the last thing I fucking wanted.

It amazed me that I was still able to pop a woody by the mere thought of my Mistress, but what can I say, she fucking excited me.

_This is going to be a fun lunch…_

As I got my shit together, I sat up straight, and prepared myself to wave down Jasper. However, by the time I went to get up, I noticed that the hostess had already approached him. As she was leading him back to my table, Jasper caught sight of me and gave me the universal head nod as he squeezed his way through the packed pizzeria. The closer he got to me the more his expression changed from genuine happiness to a look of suspicion and that made me laugh.

_Leave it to Jasper to notice the little things._

"Jazz, what's up, bro? How are you?" I greeted warmly, holding out my hand to him as the smile on my face widen considerably.

I forgot how much I missed him.

"I'm good, man," he said as he sat his helmet down on the table and shook my hand. He gave the hostess a pleasant smile and a polite thank you as he watched her sashayed back to her post. He waited until she was completely out of earshot before he looked back at me, cocking his head to the side. "You seem like you're a decent fucking mood. You must've gotten laid recently."

I scoffed, surprisingly shocked by his bluntness. "What the hell? Is it that obvious?"

"Pretty much," he laughed as we both sat down. "Your cocky ass smirk always ratted you out in the past, but this…" he waved his hand towards me, "cheesy ass grin of yours is completely brand new. It's the same smile Emmett gets when he gets some or when he…I don't know. Eats?"

Apparently my epic release was written all over my face, leaving me with a perpetual smile that I had no idea I was even doing. All the months I'd been in a foul mood, sulking about and snapping at people was wiped away and replaced. I can't say that I was the least bit shocked that Jasper would notice the one-eighty change…but to compare me to Emmett? That guy was a complete idiot when he got laid—almost like a nerd in a comic book store.

I laughed boisterously. "You're so full of it. I'm nothing like that."

"I'm being completely honest with you," he replied, signaling the waitress. "I've never seen you look so happy before. It's…well, it's about fucking time if you ask me," he eyed my beer inquisitively. "What are you drinking?"

"Bud Light," I answered instinctively.

"That sounds good. So…how do you think you did on your finals?" he asked as he slipped off his jacket.

I smirked, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Oh, that's right, the child prodigy. I keep forgetting that about you," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Did your mom call you to let you know that my parents were flying up this week for Christmas?"

"No, she didn't. That's awesome, man. So, are you and your parent's doing Christmas at my house this year?" I asked, very excited by the news.

"It's looking that way. Dad was going along with whatever Mom wanted, and Mom really missed Uncle Carlisle. I'm all for them coming out here. It saves me the trip. God, you know how much I hate flying," he shivered.

"It'll be nice to see your parents again, though… _especially_  once they start getting loose and down a couple shots of Patrón," I cackled as he glared at me, flipping me off.

Jasper was a little sensitive about his parents drinking at family gatherings and I was such a prick for poking fun at him. The fact was that the Whitlock's barely even drank alcohol, but when they did get into that celebratory mood, they didn't mess around. They really knew how to liven up the party. From my perspective, it was fucking hilarious to watch them when they were drunk because they were no longer the prim and proper Whitlock's. They were filter free and hornier than shit. I mean, if I had a nickel every time I stumbled across them fucking on the sofa lounger…

Well, needless to say, my Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Frances were considered the black sheep of the family, but to me, they were my fucking hero's. They were the only highlight to this family and made the boring holiday festivities that much more entertaining.

"Hey fellas, what can I get ya?" the waitress asked as she placed her hand on the table and leaned on her hand, in a causal, but flirty way.

As Jasper ordered his drink, I shifted in my chair as discreetly as possible. The belt was causing minor havoc in the groin department and making it impossible for me to get comfortable.  _And_  if that wasn't bad enough, the sleeves on my shirt were starting to become quite problematic because the shirt was a flimsy cotton white tee and was frequently rising up. The marks on my wrists from the ropes were still pretty raw and  _very_ distinctive.

I couldn't afford to take any chances.

Quickly slipping my hands underneath the table, I glanced up and saw that the waitress was staring at me expectantly. The look on her face was a mixture of amusement and annoyance. Apparently she'd been talking to me.

"I'm sorry, what?" I questioned dumbly.

"Would you like another beer, sir?" she laughed.

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Thank you," I answered, slightly embarrassed by my idiocy.

She glanced away from me and back at Jasper, shaking her head as she repeated back both of our orders. The moment she was gone, I saw that Jazz was looking at me with his eyebrow arched.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked uncomfortably.

"Edward, you really have no idea how strange it is to see you like this, do you? That waitress was smoking hot and you didn't even use that Cullen charm of yours. No mojo whatsoever. You didn't even try to sleep with her or anything. You barely even looked at her for Christ sakes. So, I'm sorry if I'm still a little skeptical…This shit is just too weird for me."

I scoffed. "What the fuck? You make it sound like I pounced on every single woman that happened to walk my way."

"Dude, let's not even  _try_  to pretend that you weren't an equal opportunist when it came to the entire female population, okay? Come on, that waitress had your type written all over her. She's lean, for one. She's fucking  _blonde_ fortwo, and for three…she was sporting some huge ass knockers. I mean, she even looked like  _Kate_. How is that for sick?"

"What? No she fucking didn't. That's absolute bullshit, man," I argued insolently.

It annoyed me that people kept on throwing Kate in my face. Granted it was the only girl I was ever serious about, but the shit was really starting to get old, and I was tired of hearing about her. Besides, his assumption was way off base. Even though I didn't gawk at the waitress like some jackass, I did happen to look at her on several occasions. The girl was cute, and I would give him that, but she looked nothing like Kate. It was like night and day between the two. For instance, that waitress had curly blond hair and Kate had…

_Holy shit. I can't remember anymore._

"Whatever, asshole," I stated, blowing off his ill-advised theory. "You know, you may not believe this, but I've changed... _a lot_ , okay? All that sleeping around I was doing got boring really fucking quick," I pushed my drink aside as I leaned into the table and spoke in a forceful whisper. "I don't even know why you're giving me shit about this. Aren't you the one who told me to stop screwing around and get my life together?"

"Yeah, I did tell you that, but what I meant was that you needed to get serious about school and your career. I didn't think you would get involved in a relationship so fast. I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to believe that you've changed so drastically in a week's time. You're hiding something from me. I know it. So why don't you just cut the shit and tell me what's really going on," he demanded.

Jasper's frustration was understandable and I tried not be offended by his statement, but it was hard. He was my cousin and he was supposed to support me, no matter what. He had no idea what the constant secrecy was doing to me or how the incessant deceit was weighing heavily on me. I was constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I couldn't  _exactly_  come clean about Bella being a Dominatrix to him.

It was a hopeless situation and the only way I could to get through this unscathed was to lie for the millionth time.

"Look, there's no conspiracy. I met a real cool girl; I fell in love with her, and made the choice to move in. That's basically all it is. I don't know what sorted details you're looking for, Jazz, but they're not there," I sighed exasperated.

"I just want you level with me, Edward. Stop making me go through all this red tape just to get the truth out of you," he asserted firmly.

Everything I wanted to say was at the tip of my tongue. He had no fucking clue how desperately I wanted to tell him about Bella, and how she was this amazingly, devastatingly, erotic creature who fucking took a chance on a slum like me—why wouldn't I want to brag about that? All of the passion, devotion, and love that I felt for my Bella—my Mistress— was something I wanted to share with not only my family and friends, but with the fucking the world.

The only problem was that my friends and family weren't ready for me to fully disclose that part of my life. There was no way in hell that anyone was going to understand the pull that the S&M lifestyle had over me. How was I supposed to tell Jasper that I lied to him and Emmett about Bella being my girlfriend? Would the term Mistress even register to them? How the fuck was I expecting them to fully comprehend what it all meant to me as a sub when…when I was still struggling with it myself?

They would never be able to really embrace Bella knowing the truth about her.

_Would they ever accept me if they knew who I really was?_

"Seriously, you're looking too much into something that really isn't there, Jazz," I laughed nervously as I chugged the remainder of my beer. "Now, what do you think we should do? Should we wait for Em or should we just go ahead and order the pizza without him?"

Jasper stared at me with his jaw slacked, completely stunned by my avoidance on the topic. However, he was smart and crafty, and recovered from it rather quickly.

"Alright, we'll play it your way, Edward, but know that I'll get the truth out of you eventually," Jasper declared ardently.

I shrugged and acted like he was fucking crazy, but on inside I was afraid that he eventually would.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

My Mistress has tied me up, whipped me into submission with her wondrous flogger, and has refused me any sort of sexual release for weeks, but sitting there in the pizzeria acting as though there wasn't a big elephant in the room was far more tortuous.

The shit was getting worse by the fucking minute, and it wasn't just because Jasper was still pouting about my lack of willingness to open up to him like he was Doctor Phil. I mean, all and all he was playing nice. The conversation flowed between us effortlessly and we kept shit on the surface most of the time, but I could tell that he really was just working me. He watched me like a fucking hawk as he searched for another way in, hoping to crack my inner safe of secrets. The wheels were constantly turning in his head and that alone made me nervous as fuck.

I didn't know when or how he was going to finally launch his attack on me, I just knew, without a doubt that it was going to be effective and I was going to cave under his expert interrogation skills.

Another reason I really started to regret my decision to come to this little get together was because of Emmett's fucking inconsideration. When he finally did grace Jazz and me with his presence, I noticed that the asshole decided to bring his fucking girlfriend, Rosalie, along for the ride….

It wasn't like I disliked her or really had any problem with her being there; it was just that she was very curt and never gave me one inch left or right in either direction. She made it pretty fucking clear, on several occasions, that she loathed every fiber of my being. Not that I could really blame her, but she made things very uncomfortable. The atmosphere changed significantly the moment she sat down at our table and the tension in the air from there on in thickened to the point of being unbearable.

I couldn't even eat my God damned pizza without her piercing eyes drilling a hole into my skull.

"So, Eddie," Rosalie started casually, "I was under the impression that your new girlfriend would be here."

I snapped my head up in her direction; fucking shocked that she actually broke her own set of rules and had talked to me directly. "Um, no. She had a few things to do today."

"Gee, that's too bad. I was really looking forward to meeting this girl who finally tamed the infamous man whore. It's the only reason I tagged along," she said with mocked sadness.

The venom behind her words was meant to cut me and it was same shit she pulled countless times before. It was basically her way of trying to get under my skin and bait me into get pissed off at her. In the past that was exactly what I would've done, but I was in another frame of mind these days, and I found her statement to be quite funny.

In fact, now that I was  _really_ looking at her, I noticed a few things.

The way she spoke was jarringly familiar and it reminded me so much of my Bella. Rosalie had the same directness with an unforgiving confidence. The coldness behind her cool blue eyes was merely for show and beyond the bitchy facade was a woman who was an assertive Dominant. She was a fucking force to be reckoned with…

It was a very sexy trait and I realized why Emmett was such an idiot for her.

I chuckled. "You think I'm full of shit, too?"

"Wait, I'm not the only one?" she asked, feigning surprise.

"Yeah, Jazz doesn't think she really exists," I said, smirking.

"I know she's fucking real, ass munch. I just don't think you're being completely truthful about her," he corrected.

_Fucking perfect! That's going to open up a whole new can of worms._

"So you haven't exactly met her, either?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow. She looked over at Jasper and he nodded once in confirmation.

"Nope," he answered crossly.

 _That's it! I'm taking back that fucking iPod I bought his dumbass for Christmas,_ I ranted, making a mental note.

"What about you, baby, have you ever met this wonderful girl of Edward's?" Rosalie questioned Emmett as she kept her eyes on me.

However, the big jackass wasn't even paying attention to her. He was too busy watching one of the big screen TVs' that hung in the bar while shoving his face with pizza. Rosalie slapped him on the arm when she noticed his lack of interest in the conversation and he jerked in her direction with a bewildered expression.

"What, what happened? What did I do?" he asked automatically.

"You haven't done anything, Em," she sighed exasperated, rolling her eyes. "I wanted to know if you ever met Edward's girlfriend?"

He pondered that question for a good minute and a half before he finally answered. "Not really. I mean, I didn't even know he was dating a girl until he was moving out."

"Hmmm, so the plot thickens," Rosalie hummed suspiciously as she turned back to me. "Tell me, has  _anyone_  met her, Eddie?"

It would seem as though Bella was an enigma to not only me, but to everyone else, as well. The only people who ever really met her or actually could attest that she was a factual person were my parents, and ironically enough, they were the only ones who had no idea that I was even seeing her. It was these two people that I intended to keep in the dark for as long as possible.

However, to appease Rosalie, I decided to skew the truth…just a scosche.

"My parents have met her few times," I fibbed shamelessly.

"And I'll bet that they don't even know that you're dating her," Jasper interjected like a fucking tattling sibling.

I glared at him over the rim of my glass as I took a long sip.

Rosalie looked very entertained by that notion, but I could tell that she wasn't quite following and was desperately trying to tie it all together. Except without knowing the full details of the complicated situation, she was always going to come up short no matter how many times she tried to work it all out.

"So, explain to me how they know her, but wouldn't know that you're dating her, Eddie?" she questioned me pointedly.

The barrage of questions coming from Rosalie wasn't something I expected, but I found myself opening up to her like a teenage girl on prom night.

"She teaches at my brother's school. I haven't told them because I don't know if it's appropriate to be dating her. It could possibly be a conflict of interest and I don't want her to get in trouble," I replied candidly.

_Oh and she's a Dominatrix…_

Emmett's jaw dropped and his eye's bugged out. "What? It's coffee shop girl?"

I grimaced, totally forgetting that I hadn't told Em about Bella. I nodded slowly and he reached over the table, giving me a high five. I laughed at his overzealous behavior.

"What coffee shop girl, and did you just say that your girlfriend is a  _teacher_?" Rosalie questioned stunned.

The look on her face was contorted into a mixture of disbelief and astonishment. It was like she saw a ghost or just fucking heard that Santa Claus was proven to be the real deal or some shit, and at first I found it humorous, but the more those two chuckle heads, Larry and Mo, laughed at my expense, making crude comments about the girls I slept with, the more I got irritated. It was quite apparent that I was a running joke to them…something that I haven't been privy to.

"Shut up, fuckers," I snapped, giving them a stern look. I turned back to Rosalie and saw that her face was unapologetic. "Why is Bella being a teacher so shocking?"

She shook her head and shrugged. "Honestly, I always thought of you as a pretty superficial guy, and after your recent track record of nailing bimbos, I kind of figured that substance wasn't your thing."

"She's got a point, bro," Emmett offered his two cents.

I looked over at Jasper and he nodded in agreement. "What did you expect, man?"

The images of Lauren and Jessica popped into my head and although the girls were attractive to me at one time, I realized that everyone was right. They weren't exactly oozing with  _substance_  and I understood why Rosalie would think that Bella was of the same breed.

"So, you all feel like I can't really be into this girl because it's impossible for a man whore to reform? Is that right?" I asked in amazement.

"Nah, that's not what we're saying," Emmett piped up first, his big gruff voice layered with pity.

"Em, don't do that, okay? Edward needs to know how we feel," Jasper added.

"How  _do_  you all feel?" I asked straightforwardly.

"Well, I don't think anyone here actually believes that this relationship is going to work, Edward," Rosalie said with a hint of irritation in her voice.

_How the fuck is she annoyed? I'm the one on trial here!_

"Why wouldn't it?" I questioned tersely. The silence continued to loom and neither one of them offered to answer me, only further pissing me off. "Come on, guys. You're the ones who feel the need to tell me  _how_  it is. Now, fucking tell why it won't work with Bella? Keep in mind that you assholes don't even know her."

"It's not about knowing her, Edward, it's about knowing you," Jasper replied. "You've never fully committed to anything in your life. You always took the easy way out in everything you've done. Why should this relationship be any different?"

Jasper's brutal honesty hit me pretty fucking hard, and even though what he said was point on, it still felt like he was hitting below the belt. The anger beneath my skin was boiling over, and I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few deep breaths in an effort to compose myself. I couldn't explode into a volcano of fury; I needed to stay calm…

I let out a heavy sigh. "Listen, you guys, I understand that I've wasted most all my life on stupidity and I fully get why it's hard for you to believe that I could be into a girl like I am. I mean, I've been such a prick for so long, and to so many people. But Bella is different, and that's why I haven't  _just_  fucked her and tossed her away like all the other girls. She actually means something to me. She's like…well, she's my fucking everything. The only reason I even… _fuck_ , I can't really explain it right. I have no idea why I need her as desperately as I do, but…you know. I just do."

The room got eerily quiet and as I glanced up, I saw that they were all staring at me with wide eyes. It was the strangest thing because I felt so out of place and removed from them. It was almost as if I grew another head with the looks they were giving me, and it wasn't like what I said was that big of a confession. It was the small piece of information I could actually afford to give them.

The fact of the matter was that they didn't know shit about who I was anymore and they sure as fuck didn't see the true depth of my feelings for Bella. They had no idea how fucking committed I was to this relationship or all the risks that I've taken to be with her. The numerous things I've sacrificed to love her and to worship her. All the pain and uncertainty I'd endured just so I could be the one to kneel at her feet.

They don't know her. They don't see me. They'll never understand a damn thing.

Then it hit me like a fucking freight train…

_What the fuck was I thinking by coming here?_

The fact that I naively assumed that I could have a good time with my boys and maybe, just fucking maybe, open up a little about Bella without getting fucking judged…well, yeah that was pure insanity on my part.

There was no way that I was prepared for any of this. My mouth, my heart, and my God damned temper were my worst enemies. As much as I fought back the urge to tell them how truly deep my obsession for my Mistress went. The love I had for her alone was the one thing that always ended up seeping through. It was disturbingly obvious to anyone who looked close enough.

My anger towards them for being such assholes was the fucking catalyst and if I didn't get out of there soon, I knew that I would expose everything. All of it would be ruined in one fucking sentence.

_Holy shit. I can't breathe._

"Um, I'm going to go outside and have a smoke," I stated abruptly as I got out of the booth and rushed to the nearest available exit.

The panic was flooding over and all of the restaurant walls were closing in on me, causing me to hyperventilate. My freedom was a mere inches away and even before I was outside the door, I was fumbling in my jean pockets, desperately searching for my cigarettes.

The bright sun hit me like a fucking spotlight and I covered my eyes with my hands as I searched for somewhere to sit down. The firm cement of the stucco looked very supportive and I leaned my back against it as I slid along it until I was sitting on my ass.

My Zippo was still tightly clenched within my fist, along with my pack of cigarettes. Pulling a blessed stick out, I stuck it into my mouth and lit it with my lighter with a simple roll of my thumb.

Once it was lighted and ablaze, I inhaled long and hard, allowing the soothing smoke to enter my waiting lungs. In a matter of seconds, all of my previous anxiety was wiped away and the gentle feeling of tranquility took over.

"God damn, man," I laughed humorlessly as I rolled up my sleeves and hit my head repeatedly against the restaurant wall.

How could I let them get to me that way? What I did was very over-the-top and I was very embarrassed by my actions, but I fucking panicked. The realization of what I was confessing to dawned on me and at the last minute I decided to run. I needed to get away from the penetrating gazes and think without all their judgments influencing me…pressuring me to expose all my dirty secrets.

The door that Jasper been searching for had been opened and it was just a matter of time before he launched his attack.

The funny part was that it wasn't even Jasper who cracked my vault, it was Rosalie. I'd been so mindful of his actions that I was totally oblivious to hers. Even though her questions were pretty evasive and not too prying, it was the approach she had used. She knew how to get me to open up by challenging my feelings for Bella.

Granted, Jasper tried the same tactics, but I was prepared for that. Rosalie came completely out of left field.

_I fell right into…God, I am such an idiot!_

Why did my Mistress even allow me come?

When I first asked her last night after we've come to terms with our sub/Dom relationship, I really thought that she would say no—which she had every right to do so. Therefore when she told me that it was fine and expected me to be back home around eight that evening, I was fucking thrilled. It seemed as though I could make things finally work and that perhaps both my lives were possible.

That was a fucking joke.

The truth of the matter was that I couldn't be fucking trusted. How could Bella not realize how difficult it would be for me to keep my God damned mouth shut? It was hard for me to believe that she wasn't concerned about what would happen to her if our relationship got back to my parents or the school. She had to know that there was a possibility of all of this getting out…eventually.

 _I could never forgive myself if that happened,_  I thought morosely as lowered my head in shame.

Running my free hand through my damp hair, I watched the drops of sweat from my forehead drip onto the ground, forming a small puddle. The eighty degree weather was starting to make me melt like a God damn snow cone, and as much as I wanted to leave this place, I knew that I had to man up and go back in there.

I'd been out there for at least ten minutes or more and only smoked two cigarettes. I was reaching for my third when a shadow casted over me.

"Edward? Oh, thank god you haven't left yet. I just wanted to…" I heard Rosalie's voice trailed off.

As I gazed up at her, I saw that she was peering down at me in a domineering manner. It was hard to see her from this angle and with the sun glaring from above; I squinted to decrease some of the light from getting into my eyes. It helped to some extent and I saw the look of revulsion on Rosalie's face.

"What do you want now, Rosalie?" I asked curtly.

"What the  _fuck_ is that on your wrist?" she countered sharply.

"What?" I questioned, confused.

She gripped my hand that was rested on my head and shoved it into my face. "What the fuck is  _that_ , Edward? Are those...are those rope burns?"

I stared at her, completely speechless as she gripped my other hand and inspected both wrists more thoroughly. I watched, unmoving, as the look of fucking horror registered in her features. She dropped my hands, and stepped away from me, narrowing her eyes.

"What the hell are you involved in, Edward?"

_Ah shit._


	21. The Devil Is In The Details

**Chapter Twenty**

**~The Devil Is In The Details~**

How fucking perfect was it that the  _one_  person who was always looking for an opening to crucify me was the same bitch who happened to stumble across my little secret?

_As if my fucking life couldn't get any worse…_

The sad part was that this shit was really all my fault. If I'd been more aware of my surroundings instead of being preoccupied with dwelling in my own self pity, I might've caught sight of her in time to cover up my wrists.

I could've saved myself the fucking hassle of trying to explain myself, but of course, I was an epic idiot, and I never thought beyond the moment.

It was really starting to become my MO because time after time, I'd been making mistake after mistake, and subsequently digging myself into an inescapable hole. In the past my profound fuck-ups hadn't caused me too much grief, but now, with the devil incarnate staring down at me with her intense gaze; I knew I'd run out of luck and I was finally meeting my reaper.

It was pointless to stew over all my failures in life and none of that meant shit now. The fact of the matter was that I needed to get the dick out of my ass and decide whether or not I wanted to continue on with all the lies or finally come clean…about everything.

 _Fuck it. Why bother hiding it anymore? Everybody already knows!_ I inwardly shouted at myself.

Did Rosalie know?

The distain that was exhibited all over her face when she discovered my rope burns clearly indicated that she did, but how knowledgeable on the lifestyle was she  _exactly?_

There was a slim possibility that she wasn't well informed as I originally thought and there was small chance that by playing aloof, I could still salvage this damn thing. If only I could make her believe that my battered wrists were caused by some rough sex—a little kink in the bed with my girlfriend—then  _maybe_ , she'll drop it…right?

_It was doubtful._

Well, here goes nothing.

"Look, Rose," I sighed irritated as I picked myself off of the ground and got face to face with her, "I really don't see how my sex life is any business of yours."

She scoffed, rolling her crystal blues at me. "You're trying to tell me that those burns on your wrists are a part of your sex life? What sort of sex is that, Edward? Fucking S&M?"

_Jesus Christ…How the hell did she make that leap?_

Shit, this conversation was going nowhere good and I needed to find a way out of it... _fast_.

The only problem with making a run for it was that Rose was pretty damn adamant about getting some answers out of me and I knew if I tried to bolt that she would probably end up tackling me to the ground, like some fucking linebacker.

Sometimes the best defense is a good offense…

"Like I said, this shit is none of your business, Rose. So, do us both a fucking favor and drop it," I demanded firmly.

It was a classic stand-off between good and evil, and neither one of us was backing down. She had her agenda and I had mine.

"I don't give a shit if this is my business or not," she stated stubbornly as she took a step in my direction, placing her hands on her hips. "You're lying to my boyfriend,  _your_ cousin, and God only knows who else. Don't you think they have a right to know?"

"About what? These?" I shot back heatedly, shoving my wrists in her face. The distinctive abrasions on my skin were basically my war wounds, and I carried them like badge of honor. The idea of them getting frowned upon was very upsetting, and even though I expected that sort of reaction, it still angered me. "These are my problem, Rose. It's nothing to them."

"If it's nothing, then why all of the secrecy, Edward?" she asked, grasping a hold of my arm as I attempted to pull my sleeves back down. "If those marks were no big deal and _just_ a part of your 'sex life', why are you trying to conceal them? I mean, I remember when you used to tell Em and Jasper about a fucking blow job that you got in the parking lot of Chucky Cheeses. Why have you suddenly stopped exploiting yourself? Why now and why  _this_?"

I groaned exasperated, jerking my arm out of her grip. "Did it ever fucking occur to you, Rose, that Bella is different than all those randoms? That perhaps I don't feel the need to 'exploit' her or myself, like you so eloquently put it. Why is that so hard for you to understand? What the fuck do I have to prove it to you?" I growled as I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to distract myself from cracking up.

It was a desperate plea on my part and I was at my wits end. It was so frustrating having to defend the man I was in the past by lying about what sort of man I was now. Every day people felt the need to remind me of all my past deeds, and I knew that I had a lot of work to do to redeem myself, but they didn't even give me any credit for trying.

It was almost like people couldn't let that old Edward go.

After a long silence; I glanced up at Rosalie and saw that she was looking beyond me, grinning with mischief.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "What?"

"I want to meet her," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Who?" I asked dumbly

"Oh, please," she chuckled, rolling her eyes. She was getting quite good at that. "You know who I am talking about. Don't play stupid. I want to meet this girl…this  _Bella_."

_Is she fucking serious?_

"What? You gotta be kidding," I said in disbelief, shaking my head. "No. Absolutely not."

"What? Why not?" she asked, offended.

"Um, maybe because I don't fucking want you to," I spoke slowly as I looked at her like she was fucking insane. "News flash, Rose, I don't particularly like you."

She snorted as she waved her, heavily manicured, hand at me dismissively. "Like I give a shit about being liked by you. I just want meet this mystery woman. You have created this image of her and I'm fucking curious to see if it's true. Besides, I  _really_ need to meet the woman who lassoed your ass and turned you into such a whipped bitch…so to speak," she winked, giving me a toothy grin.

It was becoming very clear that Rose knew more than I thought, and however unfortunate that was, I still wasn't going to fucking cater to her like that—especially since introducing Rosalie to Bella wasn't even a God damned option. That was completely out of my control.

She was out of her mind if she thought otherwise.

"The answer is still no," I stated resolutely as I turned on my heel and proceeded to walk away from her.

The door to my blessed escape was near, and I hoped that my final answer would've been the end of it, but like always, I was wrong. My hand wasn't even on the door handle to the restaurant when she shouted after me, halting me mid-step, and freezing me to the core.

"So, I'm guessing that you're going to go back in there to tell the guys about your, um, so-called sex life, eh?"

I took a furtive glance in her direction and saw her smug face. The very sight of her angered me and growled through my clenched teeth. "What?"

She shrugged casually as she walked towards me. "Well, if you don't have the balls to tell them, I know that I sure as hell do…well, figuratively speaking."

"What would be the point of all that?" I asked, mystified.

"The point is that you have been lying your ass off about her, and at first, I believed everything you were telling us, but when I saw those," she pointed to my wrist, "I knew that there was something more to the story. A deeper, darker part of yourself that you don't want anyone else to know; So, I figured if you want to keep that hidden from your family and friends, you're going to have to fully disclose Bella to me."

I stared into the infinite blue of her eyes and I searched for any sort of fallacy…there was none. She was serious and I knew that she would expose my little secret without batting an eye. I wasn't naïve and it didn't take me long to realize what she was proposing…

"You're fucking blackmailing me," I replied, shocked.

She shrugged. "Perhaps I am, but the way I see it, it's a fair trade off. You tell me or I tell them. It's your decision, Eddie"

The look on her face was unapologetic and I knew that none of her options were in my favor. No matter what I chose to do, I was going to crash and burn in the end.

"How can you blackmail me like that? Don't you have any morals?" I asked, appalled.

"Oh, give me a break with all that moral ethics mumbo jumbo. I'm sure would've done the same to me. So, do me a favor and get off your high horse," she retorted.

The whole wounded bird act was getting nowhere with Rosalie and I was slowly losing the battle. She had me right where she wanted me and that alone pissed me off. There was no way in hell that I was going to let her win. If I was going to be forced into revealing who I was to Jasper and Emmett, I was going to do it on my terms.

Even if it meant that I would suffer the consequences of their judgments...

"Fuck it," I decided. "I'll tell them. This is my life and if they care about me, they'll accept it."

"Is that what you think is going to happen? That they will automatically accept what you are and what you do?" she asked skeptically.

"What is it that you think I am?" I asked mockingly.

"Jesus, don't make me say it. We both know  _exactly_  what it is that I know," she retorted.

"No, I don't. Fucking enlighten me, Rose," I sneered hatefully.

She leaned in and whispered. "You're a submissive, Edward."

"What? That's crazy," I protested, gulping loudly and shaking my head in denial.

"When are you going to stop lying? I know that you're a sub and I know—"

"Please fucking stop, Rose," I interrupted her, my voice shrill with panic. I couldn't handle  _that_  sort of truth right now. My mind was already an explosive cluster fuck. "Look, what you think you know about me doesn't fucking matter. I would rather have everyone hate me than having to be indebted to you for the rest of my life. You see, I  _have_  morals and I refuse to sell that last bit of whatever soul I have left to  _you_ ," I spat viciously.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Is that how you really want to play this, Edward? You're willing to risk everything just to show me up? Is that how it is?"

I smiled faintly as I ran my hand through my hair, tugging at the roots. "You obviously know nothing about my life, Rose, because if you did, you would realize how impossible it is for a sub to demand things out of his Mistress," I brushed past her…forcefully. "Excuse me."

How the fuck was this happening to me? How the hell did she fucking know? I mean, did I have a fucking 'submissive' tattoo stamped across my forehead? It was hard for me to believe that Rose could deduce so much by simply looking at my wrists. It was obvious to me that she was in on the lifestyle…which led me to believe that Emmett might be too.

That was a gamble, but it instantly lit a fire under my ass, and I was determined to tell the truth more than ever.

Turning my back on the Devil, I made my way into restaurant, desperately searching for my ultimate salvation. Granted, it wasn't the way I wanted to break it to the guys, and I had no idea how I was going to broach the subject with them, but I had to try…somehow.

 _It wasn't like Rosalie was giving me a choice in the matter,_ I thought bitterly.

The brightness from outside made it hard for me to see as I navigated my way through the crowded pizzeria. The dim lighting in the room caused me to knock into multiple tables, getting evil glares from innocent patrons as I passed them.

I was on my tenth mumbled apology when I spotted the back of Emmett's head, but by this time Rosalie had caught up with me. She grabbed a hold of the back of my shirt and pulled me to the adjacent hallway that led to the bathrooms… basically tossing me around like a rag doll.

 _Damn, she's fucking strong,_  I mused, tripping over my feet as she flung me against the wall.

"What the hell, Rose," I cursed loudly.

"You don't want to do this, Edward," she said warningly, jabbing her long, pointy finger into my chest.

"Oh, yeah, why is that?" I asked condescendingly, brushing her off me and adjusting my shirt.

"Because you know that they won't understand," she answered, practically pleading with me.

"Jasper probably won't, but Emmett might," I replied confidently.

However that was just a theory, and deep down, I wasn't so sure.

"No, neither of them will, Edward. Trust me, they have no idea what you're going through like I do," she said gravely.

"How do you know what I am going through, huh?" I asked distrustfully.

She glanced away from my penetrating gaze, shaking her head sadly.

_Fucking typical._

I scoffed. "You know nothing about me, Rose. Don't try to sit there and pretend that you give a shit about my life. The only reason we are having this conversation is because you're desperate and you know that you lost at your own game. I don't know what you're up to, but I refuse to let you play me as a pawn. You have no idea what I'm about or what the fuck I am going through," I stated in a calm and stern voice as I pushed her gently aside. "Now back off and leave me alone."

As I walked away from her, I couldn't believe that this shit was fucking happening. Sure, I talked big game, but in reality, I was scared shitless. My world that I'd built with Bella was quickly unraveling and I couldn't stop it. It horrified me to know that Rose was well-versed on the lifestyle, and even though, I had no idea how involved she actually was; I wasn't stupid enough to openly ask her about it, either.

The fact of the matter was that her knowledge was enough to make her either my enemy or my ally.

_Fuck me. The last thing I wanted was Rose to be associated with this._

The urgency to get this fucking over with had me increasing my pace and despite Rose's cautioning advice, I knew it was time to come clean...about everything. It was the only way to get my fucking sanity back and possibly resume my life once again. The constant fog of deceit was fucking with my head and I saw this as an opportunity to get some clarity.

No matter what, I was positive that it was a risk I was willing to take—even if it meant that I would lose all my family and friends, it would never change how I felt about Bella. The tiny fingerprints that she imprinted all over my imperfections were staggering, and I couldn't just neglect that nor could I give that up.

I was too far gone and madly in love with her to see things any other way, and that further convinced me that confessing to the truth was the right thing to do.

_Damn the consequences._

"Hey, guys, sorry about taking off like that," I addressed to them the moment I reached the table.

Both Emmett and Jasper looked up at me, but it was the big bear of a man who greeted me first. "There you fucking are. I was about to go out there and see what was taking you guys so long. The pizza is already cold and the beer is fucking warm. I was starting to think that you two might've ditched us."

Slightly confused by the term 'you two', I glanced around and saw that Rosalie was standing right beside me. During my haze, I hadn't noticed that she was trailing so closely behind me. I should've figured she would be. I mean, she's been a fucking nuisance the whole damn day. Why stop now.

"Listen, um," I started hesitantly as I stood there, virtually immobile, glancing back and forth between Jasper and Emmett.

They both stared up at me with perplexed expressions, waiting for me to get to the fucking point. The seconds that passed seemed like years as a large lump lodged itself in the back of my throat. The realization of what I was about to do was causing me to lose my courage.

_Fuck! They're going to hate me. Rose is right. They won't understand._

God, I hated not the fact that I was so fucking scared of what they would think of me. I mean, I used to not give a shit about anything or anyone. It was one of the many perks of being a self-indulgent asshole, and I wished for the millionth time for that prick to make his return…however unlikely that he ever would.

Bella was the catalyst that changed that part about me, and as a result, I was no longer able to shut off my feelings to the world. That door was open to everything now—which meant I had to take the good with the bad.

"I've got something to tell you—"

"Wait, before you say anything, man. I think we all owe you an apology," Jasper interrupted me as he got out of the booth.

"Yeah," Emmett agreed, following Jazz's lead. "Rose told us that we were being real dicks to you."

"Really now?" I asked, shocked. I shot an incredulous look over at my nemesis and she smiled weakly in return.

It never occurred to me that she'd actually been on my side. In fact, I always assumed that she did things to just flat-out torture me.

"Yeah, she made us see that we were in the wrong and that we needed to give you the benefit of the doubt," Jasper added. "I mean, to assume that you weren't being truthful about your relationship was an asshole move on our part. We can see how much you love her and my apologies for being so cynical."

I peeked over at Emmett and saw that he was nodding his head in agreement. The sudden support from my two best friends was making things far more complicated. In actuality, it was easier to own up to my dirty little deeds when they were being assholes. At least I could've have felt somewhat vindicated when they shut me out of their lives.

The shift in events had changed things.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"Thanks, Jazz. Coming from you, that means a lot to me," I replied truthfully.

"Hey, what about me, ass-wipe?" Emmett interjected, obviously hurt.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "You know you'll always be my one and only bitch, Em."

"Fuck yeah, I will," he boasted loudly as he smacked me hard on my back, instantly reminding of the welts that lay beneath my clothing.

The grimace that marred my face was more about my sudden indecision than it was about the pain that he inadvertently caused.

As much as I wanted to spit it out, I couldn't stop my mind from going off on a tangent and questioning every one of my reasons for telling them. At first, it was a way for me to show Rosalie that she didn't have control over me or the situation, but even that faded and shifted into something more. It soon warped into this  _need_  of mine to be free of the burden, but even now, I was more convinced that I wouldn't be freed of anything. The heartfelt apology that Jasper gave had me second guessing everything, and I realized in that moment that I couldn't bear to tell them the truth.

It was too big of a risk and I valued their friendship way too much.

"So, what was it that you wanted to tell us?" Jasper asked curiously.

All eyes were on me and I was floundering, sinking into the oblivion. Rosalie stood off to the side, watching me closely, and speculating my every move. I knew that I was going to regret this decision for the rest of my life, but I was a fucking coward and my mind was already made up.

"Um, I just came in here to say bye. I actually gotta take off," I sighed disappointedly as I reached into my back pocket, pulling out my wallet, and threw a couple twenties on the table.

"Oh." Jasper nodded in understanding, but I could see that he was clearly thrown-off by my sudden need for departure. "Well, at any rate, it was still nice seeing you…even if it wasn't all flowers and rainbows."

"Or fucking glitter," I added as I laughed at his choice of words. I turned around and faced Emmett to say goodbye and I noticed that he was too busy looking over my head—his attention fully fixed on the game on the television. "Hey, asshole, I'm leaving."

"Alright, man, we'll see you later then," he murmured as he punched me in the arm hard, barely even bothering to glance my way as he sat back down in the booth.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "Okay. Well, you guys take it easy, and Jazz; I'll text you later about Christmas, okay?"

"Sounds good to me," he said, smiling feebly, looking a little hesitant.

I cocked an eyebrow at him, knowing full well he had more to say. I chuckled as I waved my hand, urging him to continue. "Just ask. I know you want to."

"Are you going to invite Bella over for Christmas?" he asked hopefully.

Jasper's need to find out whether or not I was bringing my girl along wasn't surprising, and I was sort of expecting him to ask for a while now. Five minutes ago, I would've skirted around the question, never fully giving him a definite answer, but now, I knew where I stood.

I knew what I had to do.

"Yeah, you know what? I think I will ask her," I lied smooth and effortlessly.

"Really?" he asked, taken aback. I nodded, further cementing the liar in me. "That's...cool, man. I can't wait to meet her."

"See you soon…and fucking beat the shit out of Emmett for being such a douche," I taunted loudly, hoping to rouse his feathers.

Jasper laughed as Emmett gave me the finger. It was a fleeting moment in time, but for that spilt second, I fucking felt normal. It was a shame that I had to lie to them and I hated myself for stooping so low, but it was the only I knew how to survive.

Waving my goodbyes and leaving the guys completely clueless, I rushed out of the restaurant, knowing full well that the Rosalie was hot on my heel.

We had some unfinished business to attend to.

As soon as I was out the door, I pulled out my cigarette and waited for her to make her next chess move.

She approached me cautiously. "When can I meet her?"

"Soon, but I have a few questions of my own," I countered, making up my own guidelines.

"Fair enough, what are they?" she asked nonchalantly, holding out her hand for a cigarette.

I gave her my last cigarette, my lucky—which seemed fitting—and like a gentleman, I fucking lit it for her. She inhaled in deeply, blowing it out, and making smoke rings that floated over my head. She smiled at me knowingly as she raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for my response.

"How did you know about me?" I questioned, getting straight to the point.

"Well, to be honest, I didn't. I mean, you're actions towards me don't exactly scream submissive and I wasn't positive until you admitted to it," she narrowed her eyes at me as she took a drag off the cigarette. "I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. I've never been a part of the S&M lifestyle."

It was quite disturbing how well she could read me and I briefly wondered if Bella was just as perceptive.

"How do you know so much about it then?" I asked, slightly baffled by her connections.

She sighed. "I did a social humanities paper on it freshman year. The teacher gave us a list of topics to do our research on, and the BDSM community intrigued me. It was interesting to see the type of people that were into it. I mean, it wasn't what I expected at all. Some of the people I came across were only doing it as their profession and others that I met were people who actually lived it twenty-four seven. It's insane how many things I was witnessed to. It's why I knew what the rope burns on your wrists meant," she paused, looking back at the entrance of the restaurant before continuing. "Truthfully, I had no idea how deep you were into it, but…I had a hunch."

"Was Bella one of your subjects?" I asked bluntly.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," she answered simply.

"So, this whole  _need_  of yours to meet Bella has nothing to do with me. It's all about you and your  _fucking_  research paper? Of course, the shit makes sense now," I hissed.

"Ugh," she groaned, irritated. "You are so exhausting. Look, yes, I wanted to see if she was one of the Domme's I interviewed, but can you get over yourself for a minute? Of course, it's always been about  _me_  and what I want."

"Unbelievable," I mumbled to myself as I took another drag off my cigarette.

The hope that I had for Rosalie's understanding was wiped away. The fact of the matter was that she saw me as a case study. She fucking didn't give a shit about me or Bella. I mean, in her eyes, we were lab bunnies; some oddity that she wanted to open up and dissect.

Rosalie may have been around the lifestyle and observed it, but she didn't know jack shit about the emotions behind it. She would never grasp the concept of it and that alone made everything seem so bleak.

"So, when can I meet her?" she reiterated her previous question.

"I don't know yet. I have to ask her," I replied hazily.

"When are you going to ask her? Tonight?" she asked eagerly.

Her excitement was bubbling over and it sickened me. The truth was that I had no intentions of ever bringing this up to my Mistress. All I was really doing was stalling for time to figure everything out, and hopefully, find a way out of this contract that I'd unwillingly signed.

"Yeah, I'll ask her tonight," I said, lying through my bloody teeth.

She glared at me, obviously reading me like a damn book, and seeing the dishonesty in my words. "You better not be fucking with me, Edward. A deal is a deal, remember?"

I nodded, taking one last puff off my cigarette before throwing it to the ground and killing it with the ball of my foot. "I am acutely aware of what I got myself into, Rose. Don't you worry about me breaking my promises. You just better keep yours."

Tired and annoyed, I turned on my heel and headed off down the street towards the parking garages. I didn't get ten steps before she was yelling out after me, making herself a nuisance once again.

"Is it true about Bella coming over to Christmas or were you lying again, Edward?"

I didn't slow my pace nor did I bother to glance back at her as I muttered under my breath. "Honesty wasn't part of our fucking deal, Rose."

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

When I pulled up into the drive, I noticed that Bella's car was still missing. That was a little surprising to me because when I left to go meet up with the guys she was already gone. That was around ten this morning and seeing that it was well past two in the afternoon, I couldn't help to be a little concerned.

In all honesty, I was looking forward to seeing her again. After the long and tragic day of defending myself left and right, I wanted to get back to some sort of normalcy. It was a little strange that this little life that I had with Bella was considered normal…I mean, the woman kept me guessing at every turn, but in the end, I was confident that I was meant to be with her.

Call it stupidity, I didn't fucking care anymore. I knew what I felt and I was tired of apologizing for it.

Dragging my ass up the stairs and into the house, I was bombarded by her overwhelming presence. It didn't matter if she was home or not, the constant reminders of her where everywhere. The faint fragrance of lavender and freesia floated through the air, clinging to my clothes, and overpowering my senses.

The halls were eerily quiet as I roamed them aimlessly, peeking my head in every individual room, and hoping that she would be in one of them. It was my exhaustion at its peak and I knew I had to find my room and get some shut eye.

If Bella wanted me to be up and ready for the Dungeon tonight, I knew I had only a few hours left of undisrupted sleep.

When I finally reached my bedroom, I quickly kicked off my shoes and fell face first into the comfy bed. The memories of last night activities flashed before my closed eyes and I smiled widely into the bed spread, inhaling in the fabric deeply.

_It still smells like her._

My life might be a fucking train wreck outside of this house, but here, in the company of my Mistress, I was complete. This is where things made sense to me, and I was insane crazy to think that I could actually merge the two worlds. It was the one thing I would eventually have to accept. All I had to do was continually remind myself of Rosalie and her wicked deal, and eventually I will stop fighting against it.

 _What the fuck was I going to do about Rose?_ I grunted at my inane thoughts as I grabbed a random throw pillow and placed it firmly over my head.

Clearing my mind, I allowed myself to finally drift off into a deep sleep.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

_"Did I tell you to cum?" she asked, annoyed._

_"No, Mistress," I panted._

_"What's the punishment for disobeying me?" she inquired, almost deviously._

_"Thirty lashings, and no playtime for a week," I answered, sadly._

_The lashings I would do a hundred of, but the playtime is what got me. It meant I would have to go home to my mundane life as Edward Cullen, and she would continue to dominant some other lucky son of a bitch…._

_"Wrong, my dear Edward, since you disobeyed me twice tonight, it's double the lashings and double the weeks," she said as she reached down and stroked my deflated balls._

_I panicked. "Two weeks, Mistress? I can't go two weeks!"_

_She took a step back from me as my limp body hung from the ceiling. My arms were bound over my head, tied to a hook that she installed for nights like these…when playtime was in full session. I couldn't go without this for_ _two weeks!_

_My mistress was in full view for my hungry eyes to see, traveling over her whole body. Her knee high boots showed off her toned legs, the teddy she wore could hardly be considered lingerie, because the wavy chocolate brown pubic hair was calling out to me loudly, and her firm breasts teased me to no end. She was a goddess, and now I was punished to go without_ _her_ _for fourteen days._

_"Next time you will do as I say then, now, won't you?" she spat at me as she turned to leave._

_But I couldn't let her go, I needed her too much._

"No, Bella, don't leave," I shouted as I jolted up violently.

I was panting heavily as I opened my eyes, only to be met with blackness. There was sweat dripping off me and my clenched fingers were semi-permanently dug into the bed comforter. It was dark as fuck as I glanced around wildly, confused as to where I was.

It took me a second or two to get my bearings, and after a few deep, calming breaths, I realized that I was still in my room.

The clock on my dresser shone brightly, like a beacon, informing me in its bright neon blue numbers that it was twenty past eight. Apparently I'd been asleep for nearly six hours.

_Holy fucking shit..._

The dream that I was having was so fucking intense and just too surreal. Every aspect of it, down to the damn ropes, I felt with such clarity. The way the whips stung my skin, sending a multiple sensations of pain and eroticism was fucking incredible. Even the God damned orgasm that rippled through my body when Bella stuck her finger in my…

_Oh no._

Slowly and hesitantly, I reached down inside of my pants, placing my tentative hand over my boxer briefs, and  _thankfully_ , I was met with dry fabric.

I let out a huge fucking sigh of relief.

The last thing I needed was a fucking mess to clean up—especially since these were my last pair of freshly washed underwear.

God, everything about the dream was too authentic for my liking. Particularly the part when Bella turned her back on me, and the hopelessness I felt as I watched her leave was still hard for me to forget. The feelings of it were too strong and it was the one thing that I couldn't quite shake. The thought of never seeing Bella again was something I couldn't handle…it fucking sent me into a fit of panic.

I mean, waking up in the fucking dark—alone—wasn't helpful to the situation, either.

Shifting my weight on the bed, I put my head in my hands and chuckled softly. "Un-fucking-believable."

"Bad dream?" a soft voice murmured into my ear.

"What the…" I yelped startled as I flung myself off the bed and to the nearest light switch.

My fingers fumbled blindly along the flat wall until I came across what I was looking for and hastily flicked on the overhead light.

There in the middle of my bed was a bemused Bella. She was sitting on her knees with her hair flowing over her petite shoulders and looking absolutely delectable. There was a slight pout on her cherry hued lips as her eyes landed on my terror ridden face.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" I asked, stunned.

She narrowed her beautiful eyes at me. "This is my house, Edward. I can be anywhere I want to be."

"I know and that's not what I meant. I just…you just scared me. I wasn't expecting you to be here in my bed," I replied quickly, hoping to erase the pissed off look that was forming on her face.

Her severe glower softened and she smiled, almost shyly. "Sorry, it's my fault. I didn't mean to startle you, honestly. It's just I came home a few hours ago and found you sleeping. You looked so peaceful, and well, I couldn't help myself." She shrugged her shoulders innocently as she kept her dark, penetrating eyes focused on me.

I stood there by the door, completely dumbfounded by this Goddess. "You were lying in bed with me? This whole time?"

She lay back on the bed, extending out her legs, and crossing her ankles. She cocked her head to the side as she sized me up. She smirked deviously. "Did you know that you talk in your sleep, pet?"

_Oh fuck._

It was something I was very aware of and it often worsened with alcohol. My late night walks and chattering was partly the reason why I would kick all of those girls out of my bed. It was also why I preferred to live alone—the whole standing naked in front of a group full of people and declaring my love for brown eyes was a shiny testament to that belief.

"Yeah, I've been told that I do…what  _exactly_  did I say?" I asked nervously.

"Oh, not too much, but…um, I have to admit that I was a tad bit jealous of this mystery girl that was supposedly rocking your dream world," she said with a tinge of sadness in her voice.

I scoffed at her assumption, quite surprised that she would think that I would dream about someone else other than  _her_. As if I could extract her from my inner subconscious like that.

God knows I fucking tried.

"Bella, I only dream about you. There's no one else," I stated, taking a small and timid step in her direction.

She smiled, chuckling softy. "Yeah, I sort of figured that when you started groping me and moaning my name."

"Shit," I hissed as I buried my face in my hands, I peeked out through my fingers, shaking my head. "I fucking groped you?"

"And kissed me," she added, biting down on her bottom lip, looking fucking sexy and bashful. "It was nice. I mean, it's not every day that a Domme gets to be fondled by her sub in his sleep as he dreams about having his way with her..." she paused, raising her eyebrow. "So, was I any good?"

I chuckled embarrassed, feeling the hotness inflame my face. It was fucking ridiculous how she could make me blush like a love-sick school girl. "You were amazing, Mistress."

"Come here," she instructed, sitting up in the bed and patting the spot next to her.

The moment I sat down, she draped her silky arms around my neck and pressed her chest into me. I closed my eyes, fighting to keep myself calm as she placed her nose into my neck and inhaled the skin there.

"Was I dominating you in this dream?" she whispered into my ear as her fingers entwined themselves in my hair.

I gulped loudly. "Yes, Mistress."

"What else did I do, pet? Did you come?" she purred and the seductiveness of her voice reached the nether regions of my anatomy.

"Yes, Mistress…but, I wasn't allowed to," I replied, panting very faintly.

"Really, Pet?" she asked, surprised. "Did I punish you for disobeying me?"

Her soft lips were everywhere: on my neck, my chin, and slowly making their way to my waiting mouth. The woman was teasing me, driving me completely wild, and I had to fight against the urge of all urges to ravish her.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered pensively as I gripped the comforter tightly with my hands, hoping to keep myself restrained from reaching out and touching her.

"What was your punishment, pet? Some time on the horse?" she asked playfully.

"No, Mistress. My punishment was worse than that," I answered unthinkingly.

"What's worse than the horse?" she asked rhetorically.

I answered anyway, like a fucking idiot. "You were leaving me."

Suddenly, everything came to an abrupt stop. All of the soft, feathering kisses she placed across my jaw and the languidly path that she drew on the nape of my neck with her attentive fingers ceased. She pulled her body away from mine as she reached out and grabbed me by my chin, turning my face towards her. The molten brown of her eyes burned into mine as she searched my face, looking for something.

I felt like the biggest moron for opening up my huge mouth. Things were going so good and I ruined it.

"Listen, do you want to go out and do something with me tonight, Edward?" she asked, reaching up and smoothing out my brow line.

"Yes, Mistress," I answered automatically.

She sighed heavily, placing both of her hands on my cheeks. "Right now, I am asking you as Bella and not as your Mistress, you understand?"

I nodded and smiled gently. "Yeah, I would love to, Bella."

"Good," she said, relieved. "Now, we don't have much time, okay?" she untangled herself from me as she got off the bed and headed for the door. She glanced around the room. "I laid an outfit out for you and it's on your dresser. We only have twenty minutes and we don't want to be late."

Everything was going so fast and I never had any time to adjust. The swings in her personality were, at times, hard to digest and a vast undertaking on my part. I was learning, slowly but surely, that I needed to be quick if I wanted to be a step ahead of her.

However, seeing as though I was always in the dark, I found that she would always be miles and miles in front of me.

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously.

She opened the door and looked back at me over her shoulder, smiling coyly. "Patience, Edward. I promise you that you won't be sorry."


	22. Show and Tell

**Chapter Twenty One**

**~Show and Tell~**

Hot pants…black leather, motherfucking, hot pants.

I snorted at the ridiculousness of my Mistress' choice of attire for me. It was a joke for sure, and for about a good minute or so, I stared at them. My eyes burnt holes into the atrocious fabric, hoping with all hope that they would somehow be magically transformed into a pair of worn ripped jeans, or at the very least, some fucking ass-less chaps.

Seriously, I could pull off the chaps; I had a nice ass—but these?

It was hard for me to swallow and I couldn't fathom how she expected me to wear such a  _revealing_  piece of clothing. The whole thing made me suddenly  _very_  suspicious of tonight's expedition.

 _Where_ _in the hell was she taking me_ _? Is she going to take me to the dungeon for a little role play or is she taking me to fucking IHOP for their fetish pancakes?_ I questioned cynically as I tentatively lifted up the offending material with my finger and thumb, bringing it up to my eye level.

It had a zipper on the crotch that went all the way around to the backside, making the booty shorts two pieces in one swift zip. It kind of reminded me of my mask that I had wore the first time I submitted to my Mistress, and I instinctively licked my lips, remembering the bitter taste of metal on my tongue.

 _Fuck!_   _I don't want to fucking wear these…these crotch huggers!_

Unsure of what to do, I glanced around the vacant room and huffed loudly. It was incredibly maddening for me because, realistically, I had two fucking choices: I could suck it up and wear the barely there underwear or I could run home with my cowardly tail between my legs.

_Hell, who am I trying to fucking fool?_

My one and only choice would be the path that led me straight back to Bella and I would always choose her. It didn't matter what she wanted or how she insisted on humiliating me, in the end, I was hers.

The very thought of disappointing her, for any reason, and seeing the look of dissatisfaction displayed across her beautiful face was fucking painful to me.

I refused to bear it.

This unhealthy and incessant obsession of mine to have her constant approval was taking over my every thought. It consumed me, and in some twisted, ass backwards type of logic, it actually grounded me. It kept my arrogant head screwed on tight and out of my ass—well, on most days.

"Shit," I hissed as I begrudgingly started taking off my clothes.

It was useless for me to pout like an obstinate child. All it did was waste my time and energy, getting me fucking nowhere in the end.

Bottom line, I pledged my loyalty and undying devotion to her by committing myself as her dutiful sub. It didn't matter what the circumstances were or how uncomfortable I was with wearing certain clothes…or lack thereof.

I was determined to uphold that promise and see it through.

_Oh, yeah, I'm also madly and fucking hopelessly in love with her._

Once dressed, I walked my happy ass to the bathroom to see how I looked and it wasn't what I fucking expected at all.

The shorts were,  _extremely_ , snug on me and the chastity belt was making itself known with a distinctive outline of a cock in the taut leather. The protruding bulge wasn't half bad and it was somewhat flattering.

 _In fact_ , it actually boded well for me.

I spent a fair amount of my allotted time, vainly inspecting my defined physique.

All those days of working out all my sexual frustrations in my Mistress' gym had done me some good. It decreased some of my stress and it helped me build up my muscle definition. The last time I'd been this strapping and buff was in high school.

_Not bad, Cullen. Not bad._

I was pretty fucking impressed.

"Well, it's nice to see that you approve of your outfit for tonight, pet," a low and raspy voice sounded, pulling me out of my narcissistic admiration.

I turned around and saw that Bella was leaning against the door, looking fucking sinful. She was wearing a black leather bra with a zipper down the front, pushing her ample chest together and creating some dick hardening cleavage. Her flat and toned stomach was exposed to my hungry eyes, and as I took a gamble and ventured down more, I noticed that the form-fitting skirt she was wearing been fancied with the same zipper device that was on my shorts. The garters that were connected to the skirt by a silver rings hung down her mid-thigh and was clipped on to her fish-net stockings. My journey was coming to a sad and inevitable close when my eyes settled on her shiny laced-up, knee high boots—which she tapped fiercely against the tile floor.

I swallowed thickly.

She amended with a devious smirk as she pushed herself off the door frame. "Not that your opinion matters either way," She stopped just inches from me, gazing at me from under her eyelashes and I lost all thought. She chuckled. "Focus, my pet…" It would seem as though I was staring at her with a complete stunned and slacked jaw expression, practically drooling over her, "and put this on."

I glanced down and saw that she was holding a collar out to me and the question I'd been dying to ask was forming on my lips. I was curious more than ever as to where she was taking me. She really hadn't said much to me about the subject. The constant dialogue between us was always short and cryptic. If I could just gather more information from her, maybe, I could narrow it down to a singular place...

Especially since the quiet evening in the dungeon was looking less like a possibility, and as much as I could go for some strawberry covered fetish pancakes right now, I could tell that what she had in mind was far more rewarding.

She kept her seductive gaze on me as she dangled the collar from her fingers. Even though the unknown was fucking killing me, I also learned from past experiences that it wasn't wise of me to make my Mistress wait. So, without delay, I removed the collar from her possession, and as I went to put it on around my neck, I noticed that there was something written on the leather. Flipping it over and examining it more closely, I saw that there was bold, red lettering embroidered on the back.

_Property of Mistress Marie._

I shot my eyes back up at her in disbelief and she smiled. "I want everyone to be well aware that you belong to me, pet."

The comment meant more to me than it probably did her, but as far as I was concerned, I didn't see a fucking difference. She wanted to claim me as her  _'property'_ , and at that moment, there wasn't anything that I wanted more.

As I eagerly went to mark myself as hers, my Mistress gently bumped my hands away, and proceeded to place the collar on me. Her fingers made quick work of the buckle and soon it was fastened,  _tightly_ , around my neck.

She took a step back from me and moved her head from side to side, deciding whether or not she liked it. The sudden scrutiny that I was under was making me feel naked, and I quickly glanced away from her and into the mirror.

Thankfully, the insecurity that I was feeling wasn't evident on my face.

"Hmm, it fits you rather nicely. You,  _finally_ , look the part of a seasoned submissive," she commented appreciatively.

"Really?" I blurted out fucking delighted as I stared at her through the mirror.

She rolled her eyes at me, chuckling as she shook her head. "Yes, really. I've never known a man to respond so joyfully to a demeaning comparison. You're very peculiar, do you know that?"

"Yes, Mistress," I answered regrettably.

_Oh, more than you know…_

"Are you sure that you've never been a submissive before?" she asked in a suspicious tone, narrowing her eyes.

I scoffed slightly at the absurdity of her question, but her no bullshit expression told me that she wasn't fucking joking; I quickly cleared my throat and answered truthfully. "Yes, Mistress, I'm sure. You're the only woman I've ever been a sub to," I paused, looking down and away from her penetrating gaze. "Before you came along, I didn't know anything about being a submissive and you helped me discover that hidden part of me. You showed me who I've always been."

"You're either brutally honest or a  _very_  convincing liar."

"The truth, Mistress is that I'm only honest when it comes to you. Everyone else I tend to lie to—however, I doubt I am convincing," I murmured sadly as I remembered the disastrous meeting with Jasper and Emmett.

"What do you mean you lie to everyone else? Like whom?" she inquired as she placed her warm hand on my chin and lifted my face up.

"My family and friends," I admitted indifferently, shrugging my shoulders.

"And why do you lie to them?"

"It's complicated. I mean, I didn't used to lie to them, but things are different now and the circumstances have changed…"I stopped mid-sentence as soon as I realized that I was about to divulge too much again. I sighed resignedly. "It's stupid, Mistress. Can we please forget that I fucking said anything?"

"Um, no," she said like that point was fucking obvious. "This conversation is over when I say it's over. Now, tell me why you lie to them," she insisted, forcing my chin in place so that my eyes were always on her.

"It's just easier than telling them the truth about me."

"What truth? The one about you being a submissive?" she questioned, offended.

"Its everything, Mistress," I answered unhappily. "Basically, I lie about you. I lie about this lifestyle. I keep who I am from them because I know that they wouldn't understand. It's just better this way."

"You're assuming a lot, but how can you really know what their reaction will be if you won't even give them a chance?"

"It's because I remember what my impression of the S&M lifestyle was before I got involved, and my family—especially my friends—are so fucking..." I stopped abruptly, taking a deep breath to control my frustration. I continued in a calmer tone. "They'll judge everything and be so narrow-minded. I mean, they won't even  _try_ to understand where I am coming from and I'm…"

"Say it, Edward. You're afraid."

It was such a double-edge sword because on one aspect, I wanted to tell her everything. I needed someone to vent to about my problems—someone who could possibly understand my fucking struggles and help me through them, but I couldn't get past that nagging fear of rejection. I didn't want my Mistress—I didn't want  _Bella_ —to see me in such a poor light. As this fucking weak and pathetic man who didn't have the courage to stand up to his family or friends and profess the truth of his love for the BDSM lifestyle…regardless of the consequences and where it led him.

Even though I was her sub and will be until the day that she cast me away, I also needed her to see me as more than that. I wanted her to see me as a man that she could one day, possibly, consider being with.

In the end, I wanted Bella to know me more than anything and that need took precedence over my pride.

"Yeah, I'm very afraid of what they'll think, Mistress. They can hate me all they want, but I don't want them to hate you. If this relationship of ours developed into something more down the line, I want my family to see you as the woman I love and not just my Dominatrix. It would kill me to have them write you off as a person before getting to know you...and I don't think that I could ever forgive them for that," I confessed shamefully.

Everyone knew Bella as my girlfriend because that's what I told them, but what would they think if they knew she was just my Dominatrix? How much fucking conflict would that cause? This was the very question that often plagued me and I refused to have them see her as this one dimensional character...

She was so much more than that.

However, there was also another part of me, a huge portion, who held firm to the belief that it was none of their God damned business.

"Listen to me, okay?" Bella's firm and commanding voice broke me out of my reverie. "I am not ashamed of what I do or who I am, Edward, and you shouldn't be—"

"Mistress, that's not what I meant," I hurriedly disagreed.

"Don't interrupt me," she warned. I nodded, giving her a sincere and apologetic look. "This lifestyle isn't as widely received as it should be, and I'll admit that, but we're not living in the dark ages, Edward. This fear that your family will shun me if they know the truth is something you're going to have to accept as a possibility, but you cant hide who you are because of it. If I'm going to keep you on as my sub, you're going to have to come to terms with our relationship and know that people won't always welcome us with open arms. It still doesn't make it okay to lie to them. You have to be stronger than that, Edward."

"I know, Mistress, and I'm sorry, but I didn't think I had a choice. My little brothers go to your school and I didn't know if my parent's would inform them of your lifestyle. I mean, I want to believe that my parents are better than that, but it was a risk that I wasn't willing to take. If somehow your job and life was jeopardized by me and my big mouth…I don't think I could ever live with myself."

"And this is coming from a guy who threatened to expose me to the school if I didn't give into his demands?" she asked skeptically.

In that moment, I realized all of my past transgressions and I felt like such a cad. My Bella wasn't a woman to be blackmailed and used by an asshole. She was a woman who deserved to be wooed and cherished by a man who loved her.

I grimaced, fucking mortified. "I'm so sorry, Mistress. I was a very selfish person back then. My goal was to have you in my life and you weren't budging. It was slipping away fast and I wasn't willing to let you go. It was my last ditch effort to keep you. I know that it still doesn't excuse me."

 _Holy shit! Fucking shut up, Cullen!_ My inner prickward shouted at me.

"What is it about me that haves you so transfixed? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's flattering, but why would you sacrifice your family and friends to be here with me?"

_Jesus, where do I fucking begin?_

It sounded like such a moronic question to me, but as I stared into her eyes, I saw the truth. She honestly believed that my intentions were purely sexual and couldn't see how much I was in love with her. That fucking surprised me. How can she not know how amazingly wonderful and incredible she truly was? Every fiber of my being craved for her and even though sex was a huge selling factor, it didn't keep me chained to her. She was the ultimate prize...not some fucking orgasam.

There was an idle strand of hair of hers that went rogue and it lay over of her left eye, completely distracting me. Several times, my hand twitched with anticipation to tuck it behind her ear, but I thought better of it.

_God, she's so beautiful..._

Placing my hands behind my back and holding firmly to each wrist, I made sure to restrain myself before I answered her. It was very important to me that she actually heard everything I said and I didn't want to fuck it up by being  _grabby_.

"It's everything and nothing, Mistress. Its so many different things that I often lose track of them all, but mainly, it's the way you took the empty shell of a man that I was and gave him something to live for," I chuckled. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...you make me feel fucking normal."

There was a brief flicker in her eyes, and I hoped that she finally understood how important she was to me. That everything that's happened since she entered my life had impacted me, knocking me on my ass.

She stared at me with her arms folded over her chest, and not once did her face betray her inner thoughts to me.

"Well, you're more peculiar than I thought," she said playfully as she reached up and interlocked her finger into the metal loop of my collar, gently pulled me down to her face as her hot breath wafted over me. "Luckily for you, Romeo, I'm good with weird."

"I guess that makes me your man," I replied boldly.

"No, it makes you my submissive," she corrected, placing her lips gently above mine, and as I leaned into her mouth, she pulled away abruptly. "Enough of this this heart to heart nonsense. Are you ready to go?"

My Mistress may be in control, but she fucking wanted me as much as I wanted her.

"Yes, Mistress," I chuckled, smiling smugly to myself.

"Don't get cocky," she spat as she yanked forcefully on my collar. "You're still mine to do with as I please. You understand?"

"Yes, Mistress. I promise to obey," I swore faithfully as I bowed my head.

She kept her finger around the ring of my collar as she towed me into my bedroom. As soon as we were standing in the middle of the room, she released me, and pointed towards my dresser. "Over there are some boots that I've purchased for you. I took the liberty upon myself to guess your shoe size. Taking your height, stature, and your other _admirable_  appendages into account, I assumed that you were a size twelve and a half. Does that sound about right?"

_Damn. Talk about spot on._

"Yes, Mistress," I answered hoarsely.

"Excellent. You can put the shoes on in the car. We are already ten minutes behind schedule and your ass can't handle the lashing I would bestow upon it if I was to get pulled over for speeding," she said with a wink as she stomped out if my room.

Not wanting to experience such a wrath, I quickly gathered my things and jogged after her…pulling the wedgie out of my ass the entire time.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Bella pulled her Audi into a parking lot in the Rogers Park neighborhood and turned off her engine. Our conversation lulled drastically soon after we left the house and the drive to our destination had been a long and tedious thirty-five minutes.

As we sat in silence, listening to the soft hum of her car and Rihanna singing in the background, I was half-tempted to inform her about the Rosalie situation. The blond haired Lucifer was still on my mind, and I had no idea what I was going to do about her.

In all honesty, I wanted to blow her off. It was bullshit that she fucking tried to pull that shit on me. I was still pissed off about it, but I knew deep down that Rose wasn't going to give up. She was determined to get her way, and if she was anything like me, she wasn't going to stop until she got it.

I was pretty much fucked.

Bella told me that I needed to be a stronger submissive and to be proud of who I was—which meant that I needed to stop fucking lying to people. That was a lot easier said than done, and as much as I wanted to be truthful, I was still unsure if being honest was the best idea.

There were so many unseen variables that could cause this little happy bubble of mine to burst, and quite frankly, I would do anything to prevent that from happening.

In a perfect world, I could have Bella as my Domme and my girlfriend. I didn't know much about BDSM relationships, and I wasn't even sure if it would work, but I wanted it. If there was a slim chance that I could bring Bella home to my parents and introduce her as my girlfriend, it would take the pressure off of me. I wouldn't be lying anymore about what I was to her. What we did in the bedroom wouldn't even be a topic of conversation.

In truth, it really shouldn't be now, but with me spending all my time with one woman, people needed to know what my relationship status with her.

What could I possibly say to that?

_Nosy bastards._

What I really needed at the moment was more time. If I could just gather enough courage to broach the subject with my Mistress there was a good possibly that things might be solved. The only problem was that my opportunities were quickly running out. The clock was ticking, and the longer I stalled with it, the harder it was going to be for me to talk to her.

"I have a few ground rules that I need to go over with you before go in, pet," Bella said as she turned in her seat to face me.

"Of course, Mistress, anything you say," I replied eagerly.

"First of all, you will not utter a single word the whole time we're in there. I don't care if someone directly asks you a question. You are to be seen and not heard, do you understand me?" she asked pointedly.

"Yes, Mistress."

"Secondly, you will remain at my side at all times. If somehow we get separated, I want you to sit your ass down wherever you are and stay there. I've seen many Dom's lose their subs and all night long they are pushing through the crowd looking for them, like a 'Where's Waldo' scenario. I am wearing five inch heels; I don't need to be chasing you all over the God damned place, okay?"

I nodded.

"Lastly, there's going to be a lot of play going on tonight, and I usually don't participate, but if I do, I want you to be well aware that there will be spectators. I need to know if this is a hard limit for you. If it is, I guarantee that I won't even consider it. However, if it is something you're interested in and you give me the go ahead, but change your mind mid-play and embarrass me…well, let's just say that I won't hesitate to put your ass and balls back on the horse. So, you have to be sure on your decision once you make it. Is that clear?"

"I understand, Mistress. I won't let you down," I answered fervently.

She raised an eyebrow at me expectantly and I realized that she wanted me to make that decision now.

Suddenly, I was put on the spot and I started to panic. She just sprang this shit on me and I wasn't even sure what it all entailed. I mean, I understood people were going to be watching us, but what were they watching  _exactly_. The details weren't specific…

"I don't know." I gulped nervously.

"What's there not to know, Edward? It's either a yes or a no," she stated, irritated.

 _As if it were that simple,_ I thought bitterly.

"I understand that…it's just…Well, can I think about it, Mistress?" I asked warily.

"Do you think there is a possibility that you might want to do it?" she countered doubtfully.

I shrugged. "Well, as of right now, I'm not completely opposed to it, but I think I may change my mind when I'm in there. I want to at least see what it involves before I commit either way."

It was a bold fucking statement and I couldn't believe I said it. The repercussions for my loose lips had me on abated breath as I watched her face, looking for the smallest reaction.

 _Please don't be mad. Please don't be mad,_ I chanted like a mantra.

She shook her head in disbelief as she placed her hand on the side of my face, and I instinctively leaned into it. She laughed. "How about this, we go in there with a definite no in mind and if you like what you see and want to participate, we'll do it the next time we come. Let's not get too carried away our first time out. Agreed?"

I was complete and utter putty in this woman's hands. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. If she fucking told me to go walk through fire, I wouldn't even hesitate. The fact that she made plans to come back with me was making my inner Lameward do back flips.

_Yeah, that douche was a chick through and through._

"Agreed."

"Alright, since that's settled, I have something else for you," she said as she reached over me and into the glove box. "There was another reason why I wanted you to wear that collar tonight."

My mind was focused solely on how good she smelled and how her breasts were resting on my thigh that I'd hadn't even realized what she was fetching. It wasn't until it was dangling right in front of my face that I'd comprehended that it was a long leather leash.

She grinned like a kid in a candy store as she clipped it to my collar. "This way I'll know where you're at all times."

It was a bit surprising for me to see this side of Bella. Throughout the whole time I've known her, she was a mixture of flirtatious and standoffish behavior, but never was she this playful and carefree. It was completely brand new to me, and I wasn't sure if it had to do with our little talk tonight or something else entirely, but I wasn't about to complain.

I liked it…a lot.

"Are you clear on the rules?" Bella asked as she unbuckled my seat belt.

"No talking, no wandering," I smirked as I held up the leash, "and no embarrassing my Mistress."

"One last thing, try not to be so smug all the time, it's not very becoming of a submissive," she instructed icily as she opened her car door and got out.

 _Well, playful and carefree Bella was fun while it lasted,_ I mused as I followed after her.

The first thing that hit me when I got out of the car was the frigid weather. It was a typical wintry night in Chicago and the warmth of this afternoon sun was long gone.

I missed it.

What also didn't fucking help matters was the lack of clothes that I was wearing. The combat boots and booty shorts just weren't cutting it, and I couldn't stop my teeth from chattering. It was making my whole body hurt as well. My fingers were starting to cramp up. My nose was running like a faucet and my ears were practically frozen and falling off me.

I was practically a submissive Popsicle by the time Bella rounded the car and over to me.

_Ugh, I fucking hate the cold._

"I wish he would build a parking garage already," Bella grumbled, expressing her distaste for the weather as she took a hold of my leash and yanked me forward.

My Mistress set pace to where we were, more or less, running through the fucking parking lot. Her heels echoed loudly, clicking and clacking against the cement the entire time. The surrounding area was very secluded and dark, making it hard for me to see anything. The only sound I could hear was the soft thumping coming from the club, but even that seemed far away. The fact that I couldn't see the back of Bella's head made me  _very_ uncomfortable. It'd been a long time since I'd visited the Rogers Park neighborhood and not once have I ever come during the evening. Not that it was dangerous city,  _per se_ , it just wasn't Wicker Park.

I was out of my comfort zone.

The temperature continued to drop and my ass was shivering. The warmth of car was nothing but a distant memory, and at this point, all I really wanted to do was get inside…regardless of what was waiting for us when we got in. The only thing I didn't want to do was stand in line in this freezing ass weather. I mean, freezing my nuts off was my fucking breaking point. I think I would actually call it a quits. If there was anything that could get me to walk away from Bella for good was this thirty-degree climate…

_Okay, maybe not even then._

My love and desire to be with her,  _obviously,_ had no sense of self-preservation.

Thank God we were actually getting closer to the building and not just walking around in fucking circles.

"That's club Bound, Edward," Bella said the moment we got onto the sidewalk.

The light was a bit brighter and it was easier for me to see the buildings architecture and to be quite frank, it didn't have much design detail to it…at all. In fact, it was a rather boring. It was all black brick and with a flat roof. There wasn't even a sign to promote the club or anything. The only thing that distinguished that it was even open was the line of scarcely dressed folks that waited outside.

"Try not to walk so close to them, pet. They like to mess with the submissives and grab at them," Bella warned in a hush whispered, hustling me passed the throng of people.

She wasn't fucking kidding, either. There was one chick that was overly aggressive and managed to grab me by the back of my shorts, pulling me back into her chest. It took a few people to pry her unclenching fingers away from my pants and set me free.

After that little fiasco, I decided it was safer to walk on Bella's  _left_  side.

"You okay?" Bella asked through her muffled giggles.

"I'm fine…I think," I answered not quite sure as I adjusted my shorts.

"You'll survive," she laughed, waving me off.

Still a little shaken up, I kept an eye on the rowdy group as we rounded the corner and headed straight towards the front of the club. My eyes fell upon a huge as fuck man that stood outside, guarding the entrance. He was at least six-five in height with spiky pink hair. He was dressed in black leather jeans and a vest to match. It was fucking ten in the evening and dark as hell, but the dude was still wearing sunglasses.

I guess it was in attempt to complete his badass persona.

I scoffed.

_What a fucking joke._

He stood still like a statue with his massive arms folded over his chest, looking fucking lethal and bored. A few people were shouting at him and he ignored them all, and as we neared closer, I could've sworn his ass was sleeping.

_Yeah, not fucking likely…_

The moment he spotted my Mistress approaching, his whole demeanor changed. Suddenly the asshole was alive. He pushed his sunglasses up on his forehead and gave my Mistress a large and cheesy grin.

"Good evening, Mistress, you look absolutely divine tonight," he greeted as he unclipped the velvet rope, stepping aside to let us by.

"Thank you, Felix," Bella smiled coyly in return as she hit him on the chest with her flogger. "Are you behaving tonight?"

"Of course, Mistress, but then again if a punishment is coming from you, I can always misbehave," he said shamelessly and I felt every single muscle in my body tense.

I shot daggers at him as he continued to spout some tasteless sexual innuendos to my girl…okay, maybe she wasn't fucking mine, and I knew that, but I still didn't like this guy flirting with her. I mean, if I wasn't bound by the contract I gave my Mistress not to speak or if the prick didn't have biceps as big as my God damned torso, I would've said something to him.

I may be a hot-headed asshole, but I wasn't a fucking idiot.

"Be careful what you wish for Felix," Bella teased as she tugged on my collar,  _hard._

He laughed boisterously, leaning down to her level and winked seductively. "Well, Mistress, whenever you need someone to discipline, give me a call."

 _Okay, screw it. I was going to fucking kill him_ , I decided as I turned my body towards him and began to charge him head on.

Bella halted my advance by gripping down on my leash and yanking my ass backwards. The bouncer looked at me with a confused expression as I went stumbling back into the wall. The look on Bella's face was a combination of being pissed off and fucking amused.

"Bad, slave," she spat as she swatted me with the flogger.

Immediately, I bowed my head and stared at the cracks in the concrete. Normally, I would've of just apologized to her, but I was still forbidden to talk. One mistake for the night was enough, and even though she didn't look  _that_  mad at me, I still didn't want to press my luck any further…which I've come accustomed to doing.

"Sorry, Felix," Bella said in a smoothed voice. "He's still new and has a problem with matters, but I'll make sure it won't happen again. Will it, slave?"

I shook my head, keeping my gaze down.

"Come," she ordered severely, jerking me forward and away from Andre the Giant.

Once we were inside the club, Bella directed me towards a corner and shoved me up against the wall. She poked me hard in the stomach with the end of her flogger, causing me to grunt out in pain.

"He would've killed you, do you realize that?" she asked furiously.

"Sorry, Mistress, but he was flirting with you and I got jealous," I defended.

"Oh, my god. You are absolutely exhausting. It's like the moment I think this relationship of ours could actually work; you go and do something stupid. If there is one more outburst like that from you, Edward, I'm done. You got that?" she asked tiredly.

"Mistress, I promise that it'll never happen again. I'll behave," I whispered, mustering as much sincerity as possible.

If I lost her over my jealousy, I don't know what the fuck I was going to do.

"You may not mean what you say, Edward, but I do. So heed my warning. One more and it's done," she said slowly and resolutely.

"I know, Mistress. It won't happen again."

She sighed exasperatedly as she took a hold of my leash again. "Alright, let's go, and no more talking from here on out."

Nodding as a response, she turned on her heel, and led me towards the club. At first there wasn't nothing much to see, but a long hallway with the walls painted a deep red. The music was getting louder and it was…Justin Timberlake?

_What the hell?_

Apparently Justin was bringing his sexy back and as we reached the end of the hall, I was surprised to see that there were several people dancing on the large dance floor in the middle of the room. The only thing that set them apart from any other club was the fact that they were all half naked, but not even that was all that different.

"You look surprised, my pet," Bella teased. "What did you expect to see?"

I shrugged.

"Well, let's go get something drink before I take you around to the rooms."

Bella led me to the social lounge that was some distance away from the dance floor. It was a quieter atmosphere and there was several plush sofas scattered around the room. Bella explained to me that this was where people came to talk and got to know each other. It was the only place in the club that was specifically designated for that sort of ' _collective activity'_.

There was a bar in the far back corner where they served non-alcoholic drinks. The lack of spirits in this place shocked me and Bella said that the lifestyle was about sensations and the alcohol dulled that.

"That's Curtis," Bella said, nodding towards the bar.

There behind the counter was a guy dressed in woman's lingerie pouring drinks. I noticed him the moment we walked into the room because I hadn't seen such a young dressed in a corset before…well, except for the random college kegger's and Halloween parties.

"He's Jacob's sub," she said in a hushed tone. I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Don't tell me that you don't remember Jake."

The name sounded familiar and it took me a second or two to remember who she was talking about, but once I did, I shot my eyes back at the bartender, taking a really good look at him this time.

Bella laughed. "He's got exceptional taste, don't you think? Come, let's go get a drink."

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

After a few cherry cokes and one more tour of the social lounge, Bella decided it was time to take me to the playrooms. They were located passed the dance floor and down this long corridor. She pointed to each door, informing me what sort of play was in each room. She explained that it was where a Dom and their sub could go play privately and with no distractions. The only catch was that those people paid a little more money for their membership.

"Master Aro is the owner. He opened Bound about ten years ago. It's where I came for my training as submissive. He was actually my Dom for a year before I decided that I liked to be in control," she stated absentmindedly. I stared at her for a long minute, stunned to hear that she was once a submissive. She shrugged me off as she continued on, never missing a beat. "This is the one place that's a safe environment for anyone who's interested in the lifestyle. There is a monthly membership fee to get into the club, but its well worth it if you ask me. It's hard to find a fetish club that practices SSC and VICSS—and actually holds true to it. Trust me, pet, it can get pretty scary out there," she said in a low voice.

I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it just as quickly. This not talking was starting to become very problematic, especially since I was filled with so many questions. There was a bunch of words and abbreviations that she threw out there, and it was frustrating not knowing what they meant.

"Okay, I'm bored with all of this. Let's go witness some action, pet," she said excitedly.

Bella took me out towards the other side of the dance floor and even before we got to the other side of the room; I could hear the distinct whipping sounds of leather against the flesh. The loud and domineering shouts were dulling out the music and as we moved closer, I heard the whimpers and guttural moans.

Along the south side of the club were many rooms that were used for Dom and sub play, except unlike the other playrooms that Bella had just previously shown me, these rooms were missing the luxury and privacy of the wooden doors. There was already a huge crowd of people forming at each open doorway, watching as the action went down.

Bella wrapped my leash around her hand several times and looked at me warningly. "Are you ready?"

It suddenly dawned on me that I was going to witness my first play session and the idea made me very nervous. It was such a stupid feeling because it wasn't like I didn't know what it was about.

I nodded once, showing her that I was ready as I ever was going to be. She gave me an encouraging smile before she pushed her way through the crowd. It was quite packed and there were a few people that were unhappy with us, but it never seemed to faze my Mistress.

Once we were up front, I looked into the room, and saw a petite blonde. Her wrists were tied over her head and her ankles were chained to a bench. She was bent over, her legs spread, and completely naked. The Dom was circling around her like she was his prey, whipping her across her back as he passed. She yelped in pain every time, her voice slightly muffled by the gag that was in her mouth. The Dom was a tall and lanky man, telling her repeatedly to shut her slut mouth.

Instinctively, I wanted to go help her because it was the most brutal thing I've ever seen. It was one thing to see a man take his licks, but a woman was hard for me to watch. The domination was all the same, but to me it seemed like a whole other ball game, and I had to turn away.

"He's not hurting her, Edward," my Mistress assured me. "It's all consensual, you know that right?"

I nodded.

"Did you want to go look somewhere else, pet? There is a female Domme in the next room over giving her sub some cock and ball torture," she said sweetly, placing her cool hand on my flushed cheek.

I shook my head.

"Okay, I understand. Why don't we go get something to drink at the bar," she suggested as she pulled me away from all of the chaos.

Everything was a bit of a visual overload and I had a hard time catching up. When Bella told me that she wanted to take me out tonight, the last thing I expected was her to take me to a fetish club. I guess I should've known something was up when I put on the hoochie shorts, but my denial was pretty strong.

"Edward, I want you to pay close attention for a minute, okay?" Bella asked suddenly and urgently. "The owner of Bound is coming this way and I know you've been very well behaved by staying silent, but I want to reinforce that. Aro doesn't tolerate sub's speaking—at all! It doesn't matter if I allow you to speak or not. He sees it as a sign of disrespect, and in his club, he has final say. Is that clear?"

Her eyes were filled with some insurmountable concern and I nodded fervently, hoping to ease some of her stress.

She let out a heavy sign, turning away from me and addressed the man who was quickly approaching us, greeting him warmly. "Master Aro, I've been looking all over for you."

Master Aro was dressed in black suit with a red shirt underneath. His jet black hair was covering most of his face, making it hard for me to see any of his features, but I didn't have to see his eyes to know that he was a bad guy. There were some serious and bad vibes radiating off this man, and I suddenly had this strong impulse to wrap Bella up in my arms and make a run for it.

"Mistress Marie, I'm so glad to see that you could make it, my dear. Angela told me that you might not come this year because of some James character," Master Aro cooed as he placed soft kisses on her cheeks.

"Angela told you I wasn't coming?" Bella asked taken aback. Aro smiled and nodded. "Oh…well, that mess with James is done and over with. I've moved on to greener pastures."

Simultaneously, both of their eyes fell upon me. The sudden attention was making me feel like I was on display and I averted my gaze to the ground and away from them. It didn't remove me from their view, but it certainly helped me pretend that it did.

"Well, haven't you been a little busy bee, acquiring a new slave and all. When did this happen?" he asked curiously.

"A week or so ago. He's fresh off the truck…I'm actually training him," Bella admitted sheepishly.

"Since when do you train submissives?" I heard him ask with surprise.

Bella chuckled. "It's…uh, complicated, Aro…believe me. It's more of a  _pet_  project of mine."

I smiled to myself, enjoying the way she was toying with him and flaunting me in front of the big bad wolf.

"Well, it looks as though you're in it for the long haul, my dear. I mean, it's very rare to see a Domme tattoo her submissive, let alone one she's had for merely a week."

I shot my head up and saw that he had his head tilted to the side, staring intently at me.

_Oh, no…_

"I'm sorry; I'm confused, Aro. What tattoo are you talking about?" Bella asked, her eyes following his line of sight.

"The tattoo on your slave, dear," he replied, pointing to my side. "The one along his ribcage."

_Oh fuck._

"The Cullen one?" Bella asked as she turned me to the side.

"No, my dear. The one that is in Greek. The one about your eyes."

_Oh fuck. Oh Fuck._

She turned me around the other way and pressed her finger against my damp skin. "This one, Aro?"

"Yes, that one and I know my Greek is not perfect, but what it,  _clearly_ , says is something about desiring the fire of his Mistress' eyes. It's fairly recent, too. You see how it's still a little scabbed? You didn't do this?" he asked, shocked.

"No, I most certainly did not," she seethed as she stood straight up and glared at me.

_Oh Fuck. Oh Fuck. Oh Fuck._

"Well, maybe you're not his first Mistress," he added fire to the, already increasingly out of control, flame, giving me a wink and a smirk. "I'll leave you two alone. Excuse me."

Master Aro gave Bella some parting kisses before he walked away from us, leaving behind nothing but a pile of mass destruction. I looked down at Bella and saw that she was fucking livid.

"You're a  _very_ convincing  _liar_."

"Mistress, please. You don't under—"

"No," she hissed. "Not a word from you. Let's go."

She yanked on my leash roughly, pulling me towards the exit. A couple people that we passed tried to get her attention, but my Mistress was in a blind fury and nothing was going to stop her. Ignoring everyone in her wake, she stomped through the club and dragged my stumbling ass behind her.

"I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. It was right there in front of my face. How naïve can I possibly be? All this time I  _actually_  thought that you might be a natural submissive! "she ranted.

"Mistress," I tried again. "You have it all wrong—"

She stopped unexpectedly and twirled around to face me, nearly hitting me in the head with her hand. "What did I just  _fucking_  say, Edward? I don't want to hear it!"

There was so much treachery displayed in her brown eyes and I ached to wash it away, but it was already too late. She was fuming and there was nothing I could do, but pray…

 _I'm sorry, Bella. I should've told you about my tattoo, but I swear there is no one else,_ I pleaded inwardly, bowing my head in disgrace as she continued on her furious race towards the door.

It was so stupid of me not to tell her about my ink, but in all truthfulness, I fucking forgot. Everything that's gone on in the past week had taken over in priority. If I'd known that this was going to happen, I would've told her that very night in the Dungeon. But how the fuck was I supposed to know that some asshole was going to come along and translate my tattoo to her?

It was in fucking Greek for God's sake! What kind of pompous prick knows Greek off hand?

Following behind her and trying not to fall, I kept my eyes focused on her calves. I watched her muscles flex and extend as she walked. It was the only bit of her that I was going to get, and my mind was trying to find some solitude. But my thoughts were all over the place.

What was going on in her head?

It was clear that she was angry with me, but was she done with me completely? Did this unfortunate misunderstanding count as a fuck up on my part? She assumed that I lied to her, but she never asked what my tattoo meant. I've never lied to her…not once.

_Fuck, would I have lied if she asked?_

Still deep in thought and watching her graceful movements, I wasn't prepared when she stopped suddenly.

Slamming into her back, I placed my hands on her hips, keeping us both balanced. My Mistress was quick and didn't even hesitate brushing my hands off her. Feeling rejected and like shit, I kept my eyes fixated on the ground…too afraid of what I was going to find when I looked into her eyes.

_She hates me._

"Bella, I wasn't expecting to see you here." An unknown female voice sounded startled.

Bella sighed, irritated. "Hello, Vikki. We're just leaving."

"Oh, so soon? That's too bad," Vikki replied with mocked sadness. "I wanted you to meet my newest slave."

"A new one? What happened to the old one?" Bella asked, clearly uninterested.

Bella's tone was laced with annoyance and I knew if I could hear it, that it didn't go unnoticed by this Vikki person.

However, she didn't give a shit and continued to taunt my Mistress.

"Oh, you know me; I wear them out way before their expiration date. Besides, my new slave,  _James,_  is more durable than all those other bitches."

My eyes shot up as soon as I heard that bastards name and what I was met with wasn't what I fucking expected—at all.

There before my eyes was Victoria King, the fucking nanny that my parent's fired a few weeks ago and replaced with Alice. I recognized her right away because of her red curly hair. The color was such intense shade that it wasn't something that one easily forgets.

But if I recognized her…that meant that she could undoubtedly recognize me.

 _Perfect,_ I inwardly groaned.

"Edward? Edward Cullen?" Victoria gasped in surprise. She smirked deviously. "Imagine my surprise."

"Wait? You  _know_  him, Vikki?" Bella asked, her voice dripping with hurt and betrayal.

"Oh, sure, Edward and I go  _way_  back. Don't we, lover?"


	23. Risky Business

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**~Risky Business~**

Bella's fist tightened over the handle of her flogger as she watched me intently, waiting for my reply to Victoria's incriminating question. Her dark brown eyes piercing into my soul, trying to split me in two with one glare and I knew what she wanted. She expected me to respond to these allegations and to explain myself, but I refused to do so.

There was nothing that I could say without it sounding like a desperate attempt to squirm my way out. If I denied being Victoria's sub—which I assumed was what Bella believed her to be—Victoria might actually catch wind of this speculation and feed off it like a parasite. Fueling the fire more and reinforcing that  _absurd_ assumption…and it was absurd.

The whole thing was fucking ludicrous.

I mean, the idea of  _me_ being Victoria's submissive was laughable at best. First of all, I barely knew her when she was my brothers' nanny, and even when my mom axed her stupid, she never went into the details as to why. All she said was that she found some things out about Victoria that disturbed her. Never in a million years would I think it was because she was a fucking Dominatrix.

But with my tattoo revelation and Victoria calling me 'lover', it was only natural that Bella would believe that I've haven't been completely truthful with her. It was my rotten ass luck and no matter how hard I tried to make things work between us, it seems as though fate had other plans...

Well, fate and Victoria can go fuck themselves.

This idiotic misunderstanding wasn't going to be the end of Bella and me. What I needed to do was get her alone and away from this chaos. If I could explain to her—about  _everything_ —I knew that she would understand.

I just couldn't do that here…with prying and manipulating ears.

The only thing I could think of to salvage this fucking headache was to follow one of Bella's rules that she laid out for me in the car—I was going to keep my God damned mouth shut.

It was a very fucking risky move on my part, but the way I figured it, if I attempted to talk to her in front of Victoria and that  _fucking_ asshole, James, that it would do me more harm than good. Bella would accuse me of being a liar, and quite frankly, I couldn't blame her. After admitting to continual and unrelenting lies to all of my family and friends, I understood why she would be so wary and distrustful of me.

_You really need to get her alone, Cullen._

Yeah, tell me something I don't already fucking know.

"What's wrong, baby?" Victoria taunted after a few moments of silence. "Domme got your tongue?"

Victoria cocked her head to the side smirking at me as James stood behind her, eye fucking the shit out of my Mistress. My whole body tensed as I watched the way the sinister gleam in his eyes darkened with desire and I had this overwhelming need to protect her from him.

James was far from the timid sub he pretended to be. The man was a fucking predator and he was actively stalking his next prey…

_My Bella._

Fighting against every impulse I possessed, I took one last furtive glance at Bella and decided that it was imperative for me to stick with my plan. If I was to attack James like a tactless buffoon, I knew that all would be lost.

So, begrudgingly, I dropped my gaze, lowered my head, and took a small step closer to my Mistress…just in case things get heated and escalate.

"Oh, my…I love it!" Victoria cackled thunderously, causing Bella to instinctively reach out for me.

Her hot palm laid flat against my lower back and the sudden sensation made my heart stop. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to focus on anything other than her hand, but Bella's touch was her subtle way of protecting me, and claiming me as hers…whether or not she consciously knew it.

"It's quite a departure from the rich, arrogant asshole I knew you to be. Just look at you now…very obedient and  _sexy_ like," Victoria spouted her bullshit.

Secretly rolling my eyes, I stifled the laugh that wanted to burst out of me. Once again, my prickward days had come back to haunt me. But instead of having an insurmountable amount of regret for my actions, I was actually fucking proud of myself for  _not_ whoring it up with her.

Ironically, for a man with no values, I actually had some standards.

"You've trained him well, Bella," she continued, sounding pleased. "He's literally bound and gagged by his  _loyalty_ for you…but it makes me wonder. Is he always this quiet and submissive or does he actually let loose, screaming out in pain from all of the pleasure?" Victoria suggested seductively as she placed the tip of her crop on my chest and slowly made a path downwards.

"I didn't give you permission touch my sub, Mistress. You know the rules," Bella said warningly.

Gradually removing her crop from my dick, Victoria scoffed. "You collared him?"

"Yes," Bella answered simply.

The piece of leather that was wrapped around my neck was Bella's stamp on me and now had taken on a whole new meaning.

"That would mean that he's…that he's a seasoned enough submissive to be a collared by an experienced Domme," Victoria deduced, shocked. "That's just…that makes no sense whatsoever. That takes years—I mean, all that time I was around him and his family. Why didn't he tell me?"

 _That's because there was nothing to tell, you she-devil!_ I ranted inwardly.

"I don't know what to tell you, Vik," Bella retorted unsympathetically.

"All that time…just wasted. We could've had so much  _fun_ together," she continued with an extra pout in her tone, completely oblivious to the way my face contorted with revulsion.

I cringed at mere thought of Victoria as my Domme and this whole situation was starting to make me nauseous. It was so sickening how she went on and on about some fairytale connection that we could've had, and I was close to breaking my silence. Her high-pitched, baby talk was grating on my last nerve and my patience was starting wear thin.

"Well, I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you," Bella said sarcastically, "but we really should be getting—"

"Hey, here's an idea," Victoria interrupted. "How would you feel about swapping out subs for the night, Mistress? I'm willing to share if you are. What do you say?"

_What the fuck?_

My jaw tightened, grinding my teeth together as I took a quick glance up and I saw that Victoria was grabbing her sub and pushing him up into the forefront. My mind was swirling with the image of James putting his filthy hands all over my Bella and it was infuriating. I fought hard to keep my God damned wits about me…

But I swear, if my Mistress agreed to such a transaction—passing me off like some fucking toy—I would be done…

_God that would kill me._

"I don't share, Mistress," Bella replied frankly. Her soft hand still splayed across my lower back was now nudging me forward. "And even if I did, you have  _nothing_ that I want."

I smiled to myself, fucking relieved and ecstatic that Bella wanted me exclusively to herself. It was the closest thing I was going to get to an actual 'I love you'. It was also a big slap in the face to James. In that one sentence, Bella confirmed to him that he wasn't worth a fucking thing to her.

It was a double whammy.

 _Burn,_ my inner asshole gloated, giving Victoria and James two birds up.

"Oh, is that so?" Victoria huffed, offended.

"It's  _always_ a pleasure talking with you Victoria, but as I mentioned before, we're actually on our way out. Excuse us," Bella said dismissively as she gently tugged on my leash, making a solid effort to brush past the fuckwad twins.

Unfortunately, someone wasn't willing to let us escape unscathed as she stepped directly in our path, halting our getaway.

Bella sighed heavily, fucking annoyed.

"You know what your problem is, Bella?" Victoria asked hatefully.

"Oh, Jesus." Bella laughed humorlessly. "No, what's my problem?"

"You take this Domme shit way too fucking seriously."

"And this is based on what? My decision to not want to pass off my submissive to you?" Bella asked with disbelief.

"For starters, but mainly because you are so consumed with these stupid rules that  _no one_ , but  _you_ , follows. It's sad, really. You have this gorgeous specimen at your whim and you have him scared shitless. He won't even look at me for Christ sakes," Victoria spat.

_Ugh, stupid. Cry me a fucking river._

"That shit that you just said makes no sense. In fact, if you followed rules better, you wouldn't have gotten kicked out of three fetish clubs nor would I have to fire your ass for misconduct. As for how my submissive acts or whether or not he  _looks_ at you, has nothing to do with fear. It's out of respect for his Domme. He's bound to me by will and not by force, and  _that,_ my dear, is something that I don't expect you to ever understand," Bella spoke softly, but firmly.

Victoria fell silent and I wanted to chest bump Bella for putting the bitch in her place. Unfortunately, I was still playing the part of mute sub and I didn't want to break my cover…not yet at least.

"What's up, bitches!" Angela's booming and upbeat voice came out of fucking nowhere.

Startled by her sudden presence, I peeked up marginally and saw her standing to Bella's right. She was wearing…well, practically nothing. She had on black booty shorts, a red miniature sized vest, and knee high go-go boots. It fucking floored me to see Angela dressed up so provocatively and my jaw dropped. Who would've thought that under those lame ass Mickey Mouse pajamas was a killer body. I mean, I shouldn't have been so surprised because she was, after all, Bella's sister, and good looks do run deep in that family.

_Wait a God damned minute…_

Once the shock and awe wore off, I realized how fucking naked Angela truly was, and that didn't sit well with me. She was like my little sister and I had the sudden brotherly urge to grab one of the cloths off the tables nearby and wrap her up in it. There were a shit load of men in this room—including that scumbag James—and I didn't like the idea of them ogling her goodies.

_You can't do shit about that right now, Cullen._

Yeah, I know…

"Holy fuck!" Angela exclaimed loudly. "Victoria, is that you? What the fuck are you doing here—and with James, no less? That's...um… _fucking_  scary."

"Hello, Angela," Victoria replied flatly. "I'm surprised to see that you finally grew into those non-existent tits of yours. Did you decide to celebrate puberty by playing in your sister's closet, teen skipper?"

"That's funny," Angela chuckled, nodding and gesturing her thumb at her. "Yeah, I wanted to do something different this year. You know, mix it up. I was actually thinking about dying my hair that shade of red you sport so well, but for some reason, I can't seem to pull of that bitchy, vile slut look. Who knew?"

Victoria's plastered smile twitched slightly as she continued to glare evilly at Angela. "How did you even get into this club, little one? Did you use your sister's connections? I mean, you have to have a Dom to sponsor you and I  _highly_ doubt that you have enough backbone to be a Mistress. So, who's the poor fool you conned into taking you on as his  _noble_  charity case?" Victoria asked tauntingly.

"It's funny that you should ask that, Vikki baby," Angela smirked impishly. "In fact, you've actually met the poor fool once, twice…well, a million times, really."

"Have I?" Victoria questioned skeptically.

"Yup. He sort of owns this little club," she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Angela, you didn't," Bella gasped, horrified.

Victoria laughed boisterously. "Master Aro? You're shitting me, right?"

"Oh, on the contrary. You see this chain?" Angela asked, taking a step towards Victoria and showing her the silver necklace that was around her neck. "See that deep inscription…right there?"

"ASV," Victoria answered bitterly.

"You're familiar with Master Aro's initials, right?"

"Impossible. I thought he was done being a Dom." Victoria stuttered.

"I'm a Swan, sweetheart," Angela replied smugly. "He collared me an hour ago."

Victoria looked so fucking lost. Her eyes were searching Angela's face trying to find a trace of fallacy, but she couldn't.

The whole thing was quite entertaining and I thoroughly enjoyed myself...although, it did concern me that Angela was a submissive…especially to that demon of a man, Aro.

It was painful for me to imagine Angela being whipped and tortured by him. Screaming in agony like that woman I'd seen earlier in the club. Even though Bella assured me it was consensual, it still was something I was going to have to get used to.

"Well, good luck with that," Victoria stated insincerely, throwing her thick curls over her shoulder. She glanced over at me, reaching out and placing her hand on my bicep. I flinched…her fingers were like ice. "Listen, Handsome, when you grow tired of having to play these stupid games, come see me. We're all friends here just looking for a good time, okay?"

Staring into her dark green eyes, I felt flush and sickened to the core. The simplest of touches from this woman had such a negative effect on my body and I could feel the contents in my stomach rising to the surface.

"Dude, stop touching him," Angela shouted as she rushed to intervene. "You're making him sick. Will you fucking look at him? He's going to puke all over your hooker heels and that shit is hard to get out."

Bella grabbed a hold of my other arm and pulled me out of Victoria's reach. "I won't tell you again, Mistress. You keep your damn hands off my sub."

Angela grinned over at me and giving me two thumbs up. "Don't worry, E, I got your back."

Victoria raised both of her hands up defensively, taking a few step backwards. "Whatever you say, Mistress. You're the boss."

Bella scoffed, nodding her head. "Yeah, okay. Goodbye, Victoria."

"Tootles, Edward. I'll see you soon, gorgeous," Victoria cooed as she waved her crop lovingly at me.

"Oh, please." Angela snorted. "Will you get the fuck out of here already? I've had enough trash for one evening."

"Angela, you have some manners to learn as a submissive. Go ahead, talk shit to me now, but you can't cower behind your Master forever, and when that day comes, I'll be waiting. Trust me. Come, slave," Victoria hissed as took a hold of James' arm and pulled him forcefully towards the mob of people on the dance floor, disappearing into the crowd.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever." Angela grunted, rolling her eyes. She turned and faced Bella and me, shaking her head. "Can you believe her? Fucking insane doesn't even cover it."

"What the hell are you doing?" Bella asked angrily.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I know how stupid that was of me to talk to a Domme like that, but Victoria is a fucking skank in leather. She deserved everything that I said to her—If not more," Angela replied animatedly.

"No, that's not what I meant. What are you doing with Aro, Angela?"

"Oh…that? It nothing, sis. Don't worry about, okay? I'm a big girl," Angela said nonchalantly.

"Oh, really? Well, you're acting like a child, Ang." she fumed, grasping her by the arm and spinning her around. There across Angela's back was bright red welt marks. Bella groaned. "Do you ever fucking listen to me? After all I went through with him—you know what, I can't do this with you right now. Come, Edward," Bella said brusquely, yanking on my leash and attempting to pull me through the crowd.

Angela grabbed a hold of Bella's wrist. "You're seriously mad? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not you, Bella and I won't make the same mistakes. I don't know if you noticed, but I've been making my own decisions for a long time now—without your help," she announced stubbornly.

"We'll talk about this later, Ang. I have other shit to worry about and I can't handle your drama at the moment," Bella stated calmly, jerking her hand from her sister's grip.

"My drama? Really? Fine. Whatever, Bells. Fucking leave then. See if I give a shit," Angela shouted after us. She gave me one last parting look, filled with sympathy as Bella began dragging me out of the club. "Good luck with that one, Edward. You're going to fucking need it."

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Once we were back in the car, Bella powered up the engine, revved the gas a few times, and turned up the heater on full blast. My fingers were frozen solid and the hot air that was blowing from the vents was a fucking God sent. The short jog from the club was a miserable two and a half minutes and my teeth were  _still_  chattering from the subzero temperatures.

After a few minutes of silence, Bella placed her hands on the steering wheel, staring out the windshield aimlessly. I turned and angled my whole body towards her, hoping to capture every facial expression of hers—no matter how minute. It was important for me to get the truth about everything out in the open and I needed to be able to gage her reactions.

She sighed heavily. "We need to talk—but not as Domme and Sub, okay?"

"Okay."

"First of all, how do you know Victoria," Bella stated quietly, keeping her eyes forward and away from mine.

It was almost as if she knew that if she looked at me that I would be able to decipher all of her secrets. Her sheer avoidance to connect with me on that level was giving me some reassurance that I wasn't crazy after all…

She just might let me fix this.

"Victoria used to be Masen and Anthony's nanny," I said slowly and clearly.

She snapped her head in my direction as if a fire had been lit under her ass and she stared at me, horrified. "What? She took care of the twins? Are you joking? Jesus, don't your parent's ever do a background check on people?"

I laughed. "You would think."

"I'm serious, Edward. Victoria is the last person who should be taking care of kids. How can your parent's let her take care of those sweet little boys?" Bella asked. Her browed was furrowed and her whole face was etched with trepidation.

"I honestly couldn't tell you why my parents hired Victoria or what their interview process was. The only thing I can come up with is that when our nanny, Louise, died my mom was kind of stuck for options and she probably hired the first person who applied."

Which I thought was kind of odd, come to think of it. I mean, after the little encounter we had with Victoria, it seemed fucking strange that a woman like that would apply for a nanny position. She didn't seem like a child friendly person and I still wasn't entirely convinced that she was even human.

My parents must pay their nannies handsomely.

"Why didn't you tell me this, Edward?" Bella asked hurt.

I shrugged. "Honestly, I didn't see how it was relevant, Bella. She was the boys' nanny and at the time, there was no tie to you. She only worked for my parents for a couple of weeks. How was I supposed to know she was a Dominatrix?"

Bella nodded, glancing away from me. The silence grew between us and I watched as she bit down on her bottom lip, looking fucking conflicted. It took all I had not to wrap her in my arms and shower her with kisses.

It was fucking ridiculous how much she owned me.

"Did you sleep with her?" Bella asked bluntly.

"Fuck no!" I screeched. She shot me a precarious look, and I cleared my throat and spoke in a much calmer, composed voice. "I mean, she tried to get me to, but I wasn't…no. I would never, Bella."

She smiled relieved, but then her eyes fell upon my exposed torso and she reached over, trailing her fingers along the traitorous ink. "What about the tattoo, Edward? Was Aro right?"

"Yeah," I answered weakly, "but seriously, who in the hell knows how to read fucking Greek?"

Bella shrugged. "Aro knows a lot of languages."

"Just my fucking luck, I guess," I stated bitterly.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me. "You lied to me, Edward. When I asked you earlier tonight about having a Domme before me, you told me that I was the only Mistress you've ever had. I mean, I almost believed it was Victoria, but with your silence, she kind of let that be known that she wasn't. I just can't handle anymore lies. Can you understand that?" I nodded. "So, please, just tell me the truth. Who was your previous Mistress?"

I took a hold of her hand and placed it on my chest, covering it with my other hand as I looked into her eyes. "The Mistress is you, Bella."

"Ugh," she growled, snatching her hand away from my grasp. "That's bullshit, Edward, and you know it. That first night you came into the dungeon, it was already there. I saw it."

"I know, Bella. I got tatted with it the night before…the night I saw your ad."

"Wait a minute. Back up. What ad? What are you talking about?" she asked, baffled.

I took a deep breath, preparing to spill my soul to her and even though I've told her countless times how much I needed her, she still didn't know how long I've actually been enraptured by her. The endless days when all I thought about was her or the nights where she invaded my dreams.

I smiled faintly. "I've been in love with you for a  _long_  time, Bella. The only difference between me now and the Edward of four weeks ago is the fact that I've stopped denying it. The night I got the tattoo, I was upset and drinking… a lot. My boys took me out to get me laid by some random chick in a poor attempt to get my mind off of you, but it was a complete waste of time. You're the only woman that I want to be with," I paused as I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to recall those drunken memories. "Fuck, I don't know how we got to the tattoo shop or why we even went; all I can remember from that night is flipping through a magazine and seeing your eyes."

"My eyes?" Bella asked, cutting me off.

"Yeah, your eyes," I said, reaching in the back seat for the sack I brought filled with my belongings. Heaving the large bag over the center console, I started to sift through it, looking for my pair jeans, and my wallet that I had in the back pocket. Bella watched me intently as I opened up my billfold, taking out the folded piece of glossy paper that I've kept with me since that night, and handing it to over to her nervously. "I desire the fire in my Mistress' eyes."

She unfolded it timidly and curiously, keeping her eyes on me. She looked down and skimmed over it briefly before shooting her gaze back up at me.

"You got that tattoo because of this?" she asked incredulously.

"The moment I saw those eyes, I just knew. It's you, Bella. It's  _always_ been you," I murmured.

She scoffed, flicking the paper back in my lap. "What are you doing?"

"I…I'm just telling you the truth like you asked." I replied, confused.

"No, what are you  _trying_  to do to me, huh? You say these things and then you tattoo yourself...What the hell am I supposed to do with that, Edward? Do you expect me to be flattered by all of this?" she asked furiously.

"I don't expect anything, Bella. You think I wanted to fall for you? I can't help the way I feel. It just is what it is," I said sincerely as I reached out for her, but she backed away from me and she pressed herself up against the door of her car, pushing me away forcefully.

"Don't touch me, Edward," she snapped.

She looked like a trapped animal, scared shitless and scratching to escape. It was the first time I'd seen her so wild and flustered. Her constant anger towards me was her way of being in control of the situation and now her world was spinning. She was grasping on to straws just to maintain the small iota of her control…she was failing miserably.

"You're a hypocrite," I stated matter-of-factly.

She furrowed her brow into a hateful scowl as she leaned forward. "What? How the hell am I hypocrite?"

"You're trying to make me look like an asshole for feeling this way about you and you don't even have the fucking guts to admit how you feel about me."

"I feel nothing for you, Edward. You got that. Nothing. Zilch," she spat.

"You're lying," I replied stubbornly…challenging her.

"I'm not lying. That's what you don't see. You're so ignorant if you think that I could want someone like you! You're not anything to me. You're just a guy who blackmailed me into having sex with—"

Grabbing her by the face, I pulled her into a fierce kiss that interrupted her mid-sentence. It was the only thing I could think of to shut her up. The words that were spilling out of her were pure blasphemy and I had to save her from her hatefulness.

The taste of her on my lips was sweeter than her words, but unfortunately, it was short lived. She put her tiny fist on my chest and jerked her head away from me. However, I was persistent son-of-a-bitch and I just followed after her, putting more strength behind my grip as I kissed her again.

Bella was determined to keep up with her lie as she fought me, struggling beneath me as my mouth engulfed hers. My tongue pressed against her closed lips, begging for entrance, but with every passing second I was denied. It was heart wrenching and I was pleading with her to let me…literally and figuratively.

"Get the fuck off me," she seethed as she pushed me away and slapped me hard across the face.

Shocked, I stared at her with wide eyes, unsure what to fucking do now. The silence was deafening as we looked at each other frozen. It was a classic Mexican stand-off and I wasn't sure who was going to draw their pistol first…

But then just as sudden as the slap was, Bella reached over and grabbed me by the collar. She yanked me forward vigorously and brought me back into another kiss with her plump lips. This time when my mouth was pressed firmly against hers, I was met with the warm feel of her inviting tongue. I placed my hands on the small of her back and pulled her towards me until our bodies were flush. The frenzy that we both found ourselves in was inescapable as we attacked each other with such need—both insistent on not letting the other one go.

My hands moved up her back, mesmerized by her smooth skin, and like an addict was soon craving to feel more. As my hands traveled up and encased her neck, I slowly made my way upward. She moaned into my mouth when my fingers found their way into her tresses, interlacing themselves within the strands and tugging roughly.

I was growing very accustomed to having her so close to me, our tongues dancing as one, when she regretfully broke our kiss. She leaned away from our embrace, but only marginally.

"Fine. You win, Edward," she whispered against my lips. "I love you… I really do."

I drew away from her and looked into her beaten eyes, seeing the truth behind her words, and I shook my head in awe as I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb. "You cracked."

She chuckled, pulling me into another kiss. "Yeah, I cracked."

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

The cuffs were different this time. Instead of the rigid and unforgiving rope, I had straps around my wrists and ankles that were filled with fur as the inner lining. It wasn't as has harsh on my skin, but all the same, it still fulfilled its main purpose: It inhibited me from being able to touch my Mistress.

My eyes roamed over her naked body as she straddled my waist, lifting up my head as she placed a mask over my face. The mask was leather materiel, covering my eyes and mouth, but kept my nose unobstructed and leaving that sense, along with my ears, unaffected. My sight was something I hated to give up because I enjoyed watching my Mistress drip with sweat; her body glistening under the soft light into a luminous sheen.

But the truest form of torture was my Mistress' evil plan of disabling my taste buds. It was the one thing I craved more than anything else—well, except for my hands to roam free.

Fuck, I would give up my eyesight for weeks—possibly months—at a time and in a God damned heartbeat, if the object of my desire promised me that I could savor every bit of her sweetness with my mouth.

_Maybe if I pleaded…_

However, I doubted my Mistress was interested in such deals as she secured the last buckle of the mask, strapping me into it tightly. It was another mode of torture that my Domme used as a device. The mask wasn't all that complicated, but what excited me was the mouth piece. There in all of its erect glory was a dildo. It reminded me of the vibrator that my Mistress used, and in theory, it was the same concept, except this time I would be right in the middle of all the action…so to speak.

In fact, when she first approached me about it, I was a bit wary. It wasn't until she showed me the actual device that I realized the fucking genius of it. It didn't take me long to figure out what she had in store for me, and I believed I responded with a loud and throaty groan.

It excited me. The idea that My Mistress was going to allow me to help and assist her in her divine release was a huge turn on. Obviously, it wasn't going to be by traditional standards, but that was what made it so unique and exhilarating. The thought of her lowering herself onto my face to fuck the shit out of my mask until she climaxed…well, let's just say that I was eager to get the ball rolling.

My dick—that poor bastard—was blissfully unaware that he wasn't going to be the one that got to be fully sheathed within in our Mistress. He still twitched enthusiastically, standing tall and at full attention…just in case she happened to migrate down south for the winter.

"How's that feel, my pet? Too tight," she asked tenderly, placing soft kisses along my neck.

"It's good," I grunted, shifting in my restraints.

"Good," she hummed as she sat straight up and pinched the fuck out of my nipple.

Bucking my hips upward from the pleasurable pain she gave me, she grabbed a hold of the dick on the mask and yanked it forcefully towards her. Without having to say a word to me, my Mistress expressed her displeasure for my behavior, and I calmed myself down.

"That's better," she commented after a few moments of stillness. "If you misbehave again, pet, I'll make your balls so blue that they'll practically turn violet. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistress," I replied diligently.

"Now, I have something for you, pet," she said sweetly, removing herself from my waist and getting off the bed.

I listened intently as she moved about the room, nervous and energized to find out what she had in store for me. The thrill of the unknown was like an electric current running through me and quickened my pulse.

A few, agonizing, moments later, my Mistress returned. She drew a lazy path from my lower thighs all the way up my body. The mysterious object was cold and metal. It was hard to distinguish, but felt like some sort of chain and I was confused as to what it was. The torturous pat of revelation was killing me, and just as the words were on the tip of my tongue to question her, she took my left nipple in between her finger and thumb. She pinched and pulled on the sensitive nub, attaching the cold, metal chain to it.

I jerked slightly within my constraints ands hissed from the undeniable pain. The sensation was overwhelming and I was completely aroused by the feeling. It was all I could concentrate on, relishing in the sensation and even my jolly cock was taking pleasure in the sharp squeeze of the nipple clamp.

"You okay, pet?" she questioned cautiously.

"Yes, Mistress," I replied automatically.

"Do you want me to apply the other one too?"

I panted, nodding my head as a response.

"Are you sure?" There was skepticism in her voice, but I could also sense the pleased smile on her face.

There were some things I was keenly aware of when it came to her and that was without having to actually see it.

"Yes, Mistress…please. I want it."

"Okay," she said as she reached over my body, grasping on to my lonely right nipple, gripping it between her fingers, and attaching the other clamp. The strong pulses of euphoria washed over me and it fucking surprised me how much gratification I was actually getting from those little fuckers. It was truly mind boggling that the searing pain was something that I craved—something that I needed above all else.

It was the addiction of the worst kind.

Bella traced her fingers down my torso with the gentlest of touches and I followed her pathway with intensified focus, eager to have her hands on me…no matter how insignificant. The throbbing of the clamps were starting to subside and I immediately mourned its loss.

"Behave, pet," she warned in a raspy, but seductive tone.

"Yes, Mistress. I promise," I said through my clenched teeth.

My awareness was slightly hindered by the mask. The only things I was left with as my guide was my fallible hearing, my acute sense of smell, and my uncanny perception of her touch. The rest was dormant, but I realized how more attuned I was to everything else. The softness of the satin sheets, the smell of sage that floated in the air, and the melodiously sound of my Mistress' breathing as she rose to her knees and hovered over me.

It was amplified and it captivated me.

Bracing myself, I balled my hands into tight fists as the unbearable excitement ran its chaotic course through my veins. I'd been anxiously awaiting this for this ever since we got home from the club. Things were so much different now and even though it felt like the same song and dance, I knew that it wasn't. The tides into her heart and soul were open to me now. It made the languidly strokes of her fingers that much more intense, and I could only imagine how it was going feel when she became twenty times more vulnerable upon my face.

The bed creaked as my Mistress positioned herself above me.

"Head straight up, Edward," she directed. "Only move when I tell you to move."

I gulped, nodding my head and putting it the way she wanted.

Bella slowly lowered herself down, inch by tiny inch, moaning with heavenly sounds as her silken thighs rested against my flushed cheeks. The smell of her aroma was engulfing me now and it was intoxicating. Instinctively, my tongue darted out of my mouth, wanting to taste every morsel of her, but instead I was met with the bland taste of leather. My legs flexed and constricted with frustration.

It drove me nuts that I couldn't help her direct her sweetness with its ministrations.

The soft rump of her ass was within my grasp and I ached to touch her, but fucking hell, it was so far away.

Struggling within the cuffs, I listened as she whimpered with pleasure. The upper lip of her pussy tickled my nose every time she came down on the dildo, but just as fast, it was gone, and I found myself hyperventilating…impatiently awaiting the next tickle.

She was literally swallowing up my face with her ambrosia juices, fucking me into a hopeless frenzy and I realized how bittersweet agony this idea truly was. She had complete control over her own climax and even though she used me as a vehicle to achieve it, I still was a greedy bastard…I wanted more.

The need in me to feel her and to absorb her was driving me to my very limits and just as she was leaning back, sighing and humming my name in pure ecstasy…

I lost all my fucking sense of self-control and I broke free.


	24. Deuces Are Wild

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**~Deuces Are Wild~**

Bella rolled her hips in a smooth, effortless rhythm as she rode me. Her soft thighs squeezed against my cheeks as erotic moans escaped her mouth. The sensual scent that was distinctive of my Mistress was invading all my senses and completely enveloping me within her lust. The strength of my determination and craving to feel her was becoming irresistible. Through the chaos of her mounting pleasure, my Mistress was unaware of my hushed disobedience. The restraints that kept me helpless to her charms were now dangling empty from the best posts…

My mind was in maximum overdrive as I imagined myself taking off this mask and throwing my Mistress roughly to the bed and ravishing her—obviously not in that order. I wanted to devour her with such fervor and I yearned to do so. My dick was nodding in agreement, and as I went to reach up to grab a hold of her something stopped me in mid-motion.

 _Calm the fuck down, asshole. Don't ruin this for us!_ I inwardly shouted.

Silently marveling at the magnificence of being free of my confines, I knew it was better to keep my wits about me. If I was to get too rash and rush through this, I could possibly turn off my Mistress with my sudden aggressiveness. I needed to execute this right and wait for the perfect moment to launch my attack...I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

Still secluded in complete darkness, my calculations of her movements had to be precise, and the placement of my hands needed to be exact. The repercussions of my actions were going to be swift and harsh, and I wanted to touch every bit of her for as long as I possibly could…I wanted to regret nothing.

Inhaling in one deep breath, I slowly moved my shaky hands to the curve of my Mistress' ass. The slightest feeling of her delicate skin beneath my sensitive fingertips was momentous and effectively broke all of my composure. All my previous plans were instantly forgotten and my excitement was escalating to an explosive level. I wanted to consume her in such a feverish way because it was never enough to just have little snippets of her…I wanted it all. Every inch of her was calling out to me. I needed her in my mouth and straddling on my throbbing cock.

Running my greedy hands along her soft and sweat covered skin, I made my way up to her tiny waist, and gripped her firmly. Bella flinched from my touch, but she never stopped and continued to slide up and down on the dildo. It was all the encouragement I needed as I decided to help her along with her movements, making myself useful by making her work load less strenuous.

My hips bucked upwards forcefully, perfectly in sync with my Mistress' movements as she continued her assault on my face. My legs jerked and tensed repeatedly, struggling with the cuffs that kept me bound to the bed. Everything on me was pulsating with electric energy and my cock was twitching eagerly, aching to partake in the action taking place up above.

"You overzealous son-of-a-bitch," Bella growled as she placed her hands over mine and dug her nails into my skin.

I hissed in pain as my Mistress' release came to a fiery head. The pace she established on my face quickened into a fanatical speed and her hip thrusts were becoming more and more forceful. Her thighs clamped around my head as she slammed down on the mask one last time, whimpering softly as she climaxed.

I stroked her ass and thighs, relishing in the knowledge that my Mistress had come in the most beautiful way and now was fully satiated as her muscles relaxed around me.

My nose was buried deep within her moist lips and I instinctively darted my tongue out to taste her sweetness, but unfortunately, I ended up licking along the seams of the leather mask instead.

The realization of my fucking limitations crashed over me like a tidal wave and I clenched my jaw in frustration.

Still hesitant to let her go and enjoying the feel of my Mistress way too much, I shifted the placement of my hands. Gently and slowly, I moved them up her body until they were resting on her waist.

My Mistress was panting heavily, but unmoving from her spot. I held my breath as I nervously awaited her wrath, knowing that it was most likely to ensue. The blackness that engulfed me was making me anxious. My curiosity of what she was going to do was driving me insane and I needed to have my eyesight back so I could read her face…I had to know how much of a shit storm I've caused with my little stunt.

After a few minutes, Bella finally rose from her perch on my face, causing my hands to drift down her slick body, sliding along her shapely hips and descending to her petite ankles…until there was nothing left to touch as she removed herself from my reach. My arms fell limply to my sides as I laid there motionless, listening closely to her as she moved about the room.

As always, my overpowering desire to feel her was ultimately my undoing and my mind never seemed to give a flying fuck about the consequences. That was where I failed as her submissive. The self control to resist her was lacking— _Fuck_ , that shit was practically non-existent—and my actions were too fucking hasty and my needs were controlled by my greed.

_When will I ever learn?_

Maybe I did this shit on fucking purpose, sabotaging myself and pushing her into punishing me. Perhaps, I was more of a masochist than I initially realized.

"I give you an inch and you take a mile," Bella whispered in my ear, startling me.

I stayed still as she reached behind my head and unbuckled the mask, taking it off my face. The dim light in the room seemed so bright, but none of that mattered to me as I stared up at Bella. Her knowing eyes were boring into mine and her lips were curved up into a devilish smirk.

"What am I going to do with you, huh? Do I need to put you back on the horse a few more times for you learn the importance of obedience?"

"I'm sorry, Bella—" I started to say, but was cut off abruptly when she pulled on the chain on the clamps, removing them from my nipples, and throwing the toy across the room. I jerked upright in the bed, yelping out in pain. "Mistress," I blurted out, "I'm sorry for my misbehavior and I promise not to let it happen again."

Bella traced her fingers along my nipples, touching them softly. I watched her with a perplexed expression, wondering what she was thinking. As I went to open my mouth to apologize more for my fuck up, she pushed me back down on the bed and climbed on top of me, settling her hot pussy on my stomach. I stifled a moan and balled my hands into tight fists as I gazed up at my Mistress' naked perfection, admiring the way her nipples hardened before my eyes. Her rosebud areolas puckered in such a delicious way and I licked my lips in eager preparation...just in case she gave me the word.

_Please, baby, let me taste you..._

"Do you remember what I said about disobeying me before our session started this evening? Do you remember what I promised?" she questioned.

I nodded. "Yes, Mistress...You told me my balls would be so blue that they would turn violet."

True to her word, I was already feeling the ache in my nuts. They weren't quite purple, but they were well on their way to that painful shade.

"And knowing this, you still escaped from your cuffs and touched your Domme without permission?"

"Yes," I answered truthfully as I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me as I drifted my lips along her jaw. " _But_ I have to touch you, Bella. You have no idea how unbearable it is for me not being able to feel you or taste you. That's a hard limit for me."

"So, you think that's reason enough to go against my demands and do as you please?" she asked coyly as she grabbed the sides of my face and tipped my head back, sighing softly. "You're so eager to defy me, pet...hmm, what shall I do with you?"

There was a tender playfulness in her voice and as much as she wanted to be mad at me, she wasn't. The words of love that she declared to me in the car still rang true and something changed in me—changed in the both of us. My feelings for her were stronger and needier than before because I knew that this relationship of ours was no longer one-sided. She loved me as much as I loved her and that knowledge alone made everything shine with brilliancy. My little indiscretions were null and void, and despite my endless compulsion to touch her so brazenly; I knew that Bella didn't have the strength to punish me for something that she craved as well.

It was where the Domme and sub lines were blurred and things were no longer the same. It was chaotic and confusing, but it was evolving into something more, and I fucking loved it.

I smiled lovingly as I rubbed my hands up her smooth back. "Let me have my way with you."

"It's supposed to be a punishment, Edward," she chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"I promise to hate every minute of it. Scouts honor," I murmured softly, nestling my nose in the soft skin along her collar bone.

"You're a horrible liar," she accused teasingly.

"So I've been told," I said as I buried my face in her neck and inhaled in her alluring fragrance.

Her svelte legs were tightly wrapped around my waist and my unbelievably hard cock was poking her in her lower back. He was seeking entrance… _somewhere_. The fact that the big guy hadn't limped away in defeat and was still ready to rock and roll was a clear indication on how much she fucking aroused me.

She was the natural and sexy version of Viagra.

" _Please,_ " I whispered ardently as I continued my path of redemption, ghosting my mouth over hers.

"I will let you do anything your little heart desires, pet," she smiled mischievously as she grabbed a fist full of my hair and tugged my head back so that I was looking at her and away from her lips. " _If_  and  _only_  if you can give me just one good reason why I should."

"Because I'm sexy?" I blurted out as a question.

"That's true," she said, biting down on her bottom lip and causing my will to buckle, "but you're a whole lot sexier when I'm disciplining you…so, I think it's best to give me a reason that doesn't push me towards a severe and mind blowing punishment."

She kept her brown eyes locked on mine and I could tell that she wanted a serious answer. The moment I realized that she was willing to consider my request, I fucking stopped breathing. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever believe that she would give me that sort of freedom with her. But now that there was a slim possibility, I was at a loss for words and nervous as all hell. It was pretty fucking obvious that this was another test…and just like all the other previous tests, what I said or did was crucial.

A lot was riding on this one moment…

She tilted her head to the side with a stern appraisal, and as I thought about what I wanted to say, I realized that there was only one thing that would make Bella  _ever_ consider relinquishing her control.

I grinned confidently as I reached up and tucked a stray hair of hers behind her ear. "Because you want to."

"Great answer, pet," Bella purred as she grabbed me by the back of the neck and drew me into a deep and forceful kiss.

Her nails dug into my skin as she moaned into my mouth, our tongues fighting each other for dominance. She was getting the best of me as she licked my bottom lip, nibbled it. My hands reached down and caressed the bottom curve of her ass, pulling her flat against my chest. She tightened her hold over me, raising the stakes as she grinded her pussy into me…

_Holy fuck._

All my semblance of control was lost and I attacked her lips with even more fervor.

Bella pulled away from me, breaking our heated kiss as she scooted off my lap and leaned back on her elbows. We were both panting now from our intense make-out session.

She stared up at me with hooded eyes. "What do you want to do with me, Edward?"

_God, that was fucking hot._

I chuckled nervously as I glanced over her long, silky, and slightly parted legs. The question had thrown me off guard and made my mouth go dry. There were so much I wanted to do and I felt lightheaded…It was like I was some ravenous kid running wild in a candy store.

The hint of my Mistress was still on my lips, and I licked them, hungering for more.

"I want to taste you," I replied gruffly as I grabbed her underneath her knees and yanked her towards me.

She looked taken aback by my abrupt assertiveness and I could see the apprehension behind her eyes. This sudden role shift of ours was new to the both of us, but I was more relaxed in the pseudo parts we were playing because I was somewhat familiar with having to take charge in the bedroom. It came back to me effortlessly and then to accompany with the fact that I wanted her so fucking badly…

Bella wasn't as easily adaptable.

She was so used to being the one in control, and I realized fairly quickly that the best way to put her at ease was to not act like a Dom…She didn't need that nor did she really want that.

What she needed was a faithful and doting sub to worship her like a Goddess she was—and I was more than willing to be that for her.

I glided my hands over her satin thighs and sighed. "Baby, we don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable with it. I'm more than willing to take my punishment, Mistress. We both know I deserve it."

Bella sat up quickly and placed her finger over my mouth to silence me. She shook her head. "You did as I asked, pet, and you redeemed yourself…I  _do_ want this. Trust me."

My body slumped from its stiff posture and I nodded with relief. Even though I would never push her, I was elated that she was still on board.

I wanted this opportunity more than anything.

She held my face still as she leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. It was brief, but unusually tender. It was an uncharacteristic sign of affection from my Mistress, and before I had a chance to recapture her mouth, she was gone and turned away from me. I watched as she unbuckled the cuffs, liberating my ankles from their imprisonment. My intense gaze roamed over her body and my hands couldn't resist the urge to touch her along her shapely bottom and defined legs. I rubbed my palms up and down her delicate flesh, adoringly.

Once I was released from my shackles for good behavior, Bella twisted around towards me and situated herself between my legs. She was propped up on her elbows with her chestnut hair splayed around her shoulders, looking absolutely stunning. She took the ball of her foot and began to stroke my aching crotch. The sensation was a ripple effect and I groaned loudly in response.

She smirked at me, looking like the cat that swallowed the fucking canary, and I couldn't resist the need to have her on my tongue any longer.

Shifting to my knees on the bed, I grabbed a hold of her by her calves and parted her legs. She gasped in a breathy moan as I trailed my hands down the inside of her succulent thighs, stopping just inches from her pussy. She dropped from her elbows and lied down her on back, her head turned from side to side. Her eyes drifted to a close and her lips parted slightly...she was loving every fucking minute.

Keeping my eyes trained on her, I lowered my head and dipped my tongue out to taste her along her soft stomach. The flavor of my Mistress' skin was indescribable and I hungrily feasted on her as I made a delightful path from her belly button to the bottom of her perfectly, rounded breasts.

She entangled her hands in my hair as I kissed her and nuzzled my nose in between the valley of her perky mounds. My hands gently made their ascendance as I glided them up the sides of her body, enjoying the way her back arched under my expert touch.

In that moment, she was ethereal in her beauty, and as I went to devour her completely, I hesitated with uncertainty.

"Can I?" I asked tentatively as I hovered over her left breast, my mouth just inches away.

Her eyes snapped open as she lifted her head up off the bed, and looked at me incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"

I chuckled sheepishly as I realized what I was asking her. My Mistress was giving me free reign over her body and enjoying the way I touched her. It was stupid of me to stop in the middle of everything, and my question was just as inane as her asking me if she could suck my dick…

 _Um, yes please_.

Shaking off my idiocy, my mouth was around her hard nipple in a second flat, licking and flicking the peak with my tongue. Bella let out a loud and guttural moan as her head hell back on the bed. She wrapped one of her legs around my waist and pulled me into her, powerfully.

The harder I worked on her with my mouth, the more she whimpered and panted, eliciting my arousal. It was fucking incredible and I couldn't get enough of her. I was a God damned addict. Every part of me was on fire, and as I pressed my cock up against her thigh, I realized how close I was to her pussy...the tip was just inches away.

_Holy shit…_

It was impossible for me to stay focused knowing that one swing of my hip and I would be buried deep inside of My Mistress.

I didn't want this to end…not yet.

So, I decided to rearrange my position.

Pulling away from my Mistress' nipple, regrettably, I sat back up on my knees, my hands roaming over her breasts, and gently kneading them. Gazing over her as she withered beneath me, I realized that I'd been neglecting the one place my hands craved to feel for so long.

How many times have I ached for it?

Coasting my hands downward, I watched her carefully, looking for any signs that told me that she wanted me to stop, but she was oblivious to me and completely lost in the sensations. Her arms were thrown over head and her fingers were tightly clutching the comforter.

Gulping back my sudden nervousness, I let my fingers find their way on their own, and before I long, I was palming her pussy. I could feel the heat rising from her sex and dripping from her arousal. My finger and thumb splayed her lips open, my other fingers rubbing her clit gently.

_God, she's so wet…_

"Jesus, Edward," she grunted as she bucked her hips upward.

Smiling to myself, I placed my free hand on her stomach and urged her back down on the bed.

"Patience, Mistress," I breathed as I continued my path along her slick folds, my fingers glistening with her juices.

Slowly, I inserted two of my fingers into her tight, wet pussy, causing both of us to moan on contact. It was fucking euphoric for me and my mouth-watered, eager to taste. Her ridged walls were clamped around me like a vice, and I curved my fingers up inside her, hitting that special spot. My cock was pulsating with need, spewing pre-cum all over my Mistress' silk sheets.

 _Fuck me_.

There was no way I was going to last very long. It was only matter of time before I busted a nut, and I hadn't even got to really fuck her yet. God, I wanted to experience her coming while my fingers were up inside her...to witness her come undone before my eyes.

Simply perfection.

Rubbing my thumb over her clit, I started to move my fingers in and out of her slowly, and taking my time with her. If I was going to be in control, I was going to need to show some fucking restraint.

Keeping my gaze on her, I stared at her in awe as her face contorted with pleasure and every time I pumped her more vigorously the more she would moan. Her breathing was erratic and her breasts kept me captivated as they moved up and down in a spellbinding rhythm.

"I want your mouth on me, pet," Bella gasped. "Taste me."

Never willing to deny her anything, I placed my head in between her legs, still plunging my finger into her pussy as I took stock of my surroundings. My lips were nothing but a whisper as I placed them on her inner thigh. I nipped at the soft skin with my teeth, tasting a hint of vanilla.

Looking down at my hand, I saw that was drenched with my Mistress' excitement, dripping from my fingers. Suddenly panicked, I dived in head first, unwilling to waste a single drop of her. Replacing my fingers with my mouth, I was starving and desperate to savor every ounce of her delectable nectar.

My face was buried in between her saturated folds as I inhaled her in deep, filling my nostrils with her unique and tantalizing aroma. The frenzy that ensued was instantaneous as my tongue shot out of mouth, sucking and lapping up her juices. It was like I was a man dehydrated from a long trek in the desert and I'd finally found my oasis.

I couldn't get enough...

"Yes, pet," she said faintly as she intertwined her fingers in my hair and pushed me deeper into her.

Grasping her hips, I pulled her closer to me as I continued my unrelenting assault on her pussy. Licking, sucking, biting, and everything in between to get my Mistress to come all over my face. It was the only thing I fucking wanted. I had to have her that way…

I needed it.

Pulling my mouth away from her pussy slightly, I inserted my fingers back in her, and worked with such a fury. The inner walls of my Mistress were tightening around me and I knew she was close…

"Come for me, baby," I growled.

Thrusting my fingers into her harder and faster as my mouth sucked on her clit, I could feel her muscles tense up. She cried out in ecstasy as she climaxed in such an amazing and beautiful way. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she bit down on her bottom lip, and every inch of her body was quivering as the waves of pleasure racked her small frame.

"Ungh," she huffed as she loosened her grip on my hair, allowing me to finally move from my spot.

However, I wasn't ready to leave. I like where I was too much, and in fact, I decided I was going to claim homestead there.

I was going to stick my flag in her and everything.

Nestling my head up against her thigh, I caressed her along her lips very softly, and almost languidly. Completely entranced by her, I was unaware of her calling my name until she was grabbing me by my chin and prying me away from her warm and inviting center.

"Edward Cullen." she chuckled.

"Huh?" I answered in a daze as I stuck my fingers in my mouth and sucked them clean.

"How do I taste?" she asked, smirking.

"Delicious," I replied without hesitation.

"Come here," she ordered.

Getting up from my laying position, I shifted to my knees in front of my Mistress. She took a hold of my chin, bringing my face up to hers, and licked along my lips. It was so brief, but fucking erotic. My mind was swirling from her soft and unadulterated touch.

She hummed softly against my mouth. "I taste even better when I am on you."

_Fuck me…_

I closed my eyes and groaned. "You have no idea what you do to me, do you?

Bella reached down in between us and took a hold of my cock and squeezed it. My Mistress' firm grasp was overwhelming and caused me to let out a throaty grunt.

"Don't give in yet, pet. Tell me why I should let you fuck me now."

My eyes widened at her choice of words, and unable to articulate how badly I wanted to fuck her. It was the one thing that my dick had been focused on since the first time he saw her tonight, but now, it was a raging fire. His overzealousness was going to be why I failed this test of hers.

She was toying with me and I knew it, but I it made me work harder for her.

"I think you should let me fuck you, Mistress…" I started to say, but her thumb rolling over the head of my penis as she spread the pre-cum, and inevitably sidetracking me.

"Because?" she hedged.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of the right answer. It was hard to really concentrate because my Mistress kept distracting me by idly stroking my dick. All I could think of was of her small fingers wrapped around me—which led to start thinking about her putting her mouth on my stiff cock and how fucking good it would feel to have her teeth graze my shaft.

Damn, what if she let me shoot my load in her mouth?

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

"I can't…" I said through my clenched teeth.

"Come on, baby," she cooed. "Just give me a reason. All I want is one."

Why would my Mistress grant me this last request? She already allowed me to taste her and I really didn't even deserve that much. The only reason why she didn't punish me for my misbehaviors was because she cared for me…well,  _actually_ , both of our feelings went a lot deeper than that.

_I got it!_

"Because I wouldn't be just  _fucking_  you, Bella," I told her as I brought my mouth to hers and kissed her softly. "I would be making love to you."

"What if I want to be fucked, pet," she challenged as she started to quicken her strokes on my aching dick.

This wasn't the first time she touched me this way, but it was the first time she did it to pleasure me. All the other times before she used this as a weapon in her arsenal to tease me. Fortunately, that was no longer the case. She wanted me as much as I wanted her…if not more.

"I will do anything you ask of me," I whispered, grabbing her by the back of the neck and pressing my forehead against hers.

"I want you to be honest with me. Can you do that?" she asked, twisting her wrist and making my hips buck.

I nodded as I breathed heavily, unable to fucking speak.

"Do I need to wait for the results or can I trust that you're clean?"

My head snapped up in surprise at that moment. I couldn't believe what she was asking me.

"I don't have anything, Mistress. I've always wore protection," I replied truthfully.

She bit down on her bottom lip indecisively, but she eventually let out a long exhale and nodded.

"I trust you," she said simply as she rose from the bed, hovering over me slightly as she grabbed my cock firmly, and then lowered herself down on it.

"Ungh." Bella let out a loud and breathy moan.

"Oh, fuck," I cursed as the sensation of my dick slowly entering her, filling her inch by inch until I was completely sheathed in her.

Bella was the only woman I've ever been with without wearing a condom and the bare feeling of skin on delicious skin was beyond words. Her pussy was so accommodating and it was so fucking wet and tight. The walls consumed me, igniting the flames with its scorching temperature. I've never felt anything like this before…

 _Ah, shit. I was not going to last long at all_.

Bella encircled her legs around my waist, but remained still on my lap. Neither of us attempted to move, and it was like we were both mesmerized by the feeling of me being inside her.

Fuck me, if it was possible, I would never move from this position, but my dick was getting impatient. He was twitching and throbbing, looking for some needed friction.

Placing my hands under her ass, I started to raise her up and down on me. She put her small hands on my shoulders to give her some leverage as she rocked her hips. It was slow going at first, and that was partly due to the fact that I didn't want to bust a nut two seconds into this.

The condoms had always been a blessing in a way. They desensitized the feel of a pussy and it made it easier to not get so wrapped up in the way it felt, but now, with my dick fully aware of the textures and ridges of Bella's walls…

"Fuck, Bella," I grunted, slamming my cock into her as I lifted my hips off the bed.

"Relax, baby," she whispered into my ear before taking my earlobe in her mouth and sucking on it.

"Shit," I hissed.

That wasn't helping...not in the fucking least.

What I needed was to control the pace. The way she rolled her hips on my cock and amplified her speed, increasing the raw friction, it was driving me close to my completion. I needed to see my Bella come one more time…just for me.

"Can I please fuck you now, Mistress," I pleaded through my coarse and uneven breathing.

"Yes, pet," she said, capturing my lips and seizing my awaiting tongue.

"Hold on to me," I said against her mouth.

She squeezed her leg and locking them at her ankles. I wrapped my arms around her back and held her tight against me. Rising to my knees, I shuffled and scooted her towards the front of the bed. Throwing us both back down on the mattress, I did what I could to not lose contact with her, and making sure that my cock stayed deep inside and never was removed from his warm surroundings.

Pulling myself up, I hovered over her as I started to move in and out of her. She looked like an angel as she lay beneath me, her hair splayed all around her. Leaning down, I moved my lips along her chest, apply soft and chaste pecks. My kisses were everywhere on my Mistress as I placed them on her delicate her collar bone, moving them upwards until my mouth reached hers.

She grabbed me by the back of my head and pressed her lips to mine. The kisses deepened the harder I thrusted my cock into her, and she threw her legs over my ass, pulling me further into her.

I knew that she was telling me that I was hers...collar be damned.

As our tongues mingled and danced with one another, I grabbed her by the face and put as much strength and love in that kiss as I possibly could.

I loved her more than I could ever fucking try to express and I wanted her to know that.

In all honesty, what I really was trying to do was make love to her. She would never allow me to have her in such an intimate way and telling her that I wanted to fuck her was just a ploy. What I really wanted was her in this position, looking completely beautiful and vulnerable.

The emotional need was now magnifying my physical one, and just like a fucking domino effect, my climax was rushing in on me. It was imminent now and I couldn't hold out any longer.

"I can't…I'm too close," I groaned against her lips, silently asking for her permission.

"It's okay, pet, you can come."

Letting my head fall to her shoulder, I drove my cock into her much more forcefully than before. The pace was now frantic as I slammed into her, getting closer and closer to my release. The heat and wetness of Bella was increasing and it made my cock slip in an out of her with ease.

"Please, baby," she cried out as her pussy clenched around my dick.

I closed my eyes, feeling her orgasm wash over me in waves and heightening my own as I followed soon after her. My hands grasped the sides of her pillow, pulling her closer to me as I thrusted one last time, spilling my seed deep within my Mistress…claiming her as my own.

The contracting in my stomach increased and the tingle grew into something so powerful and euphoric, possibly stronger than anything that I'd ever felt before. I wasn't sure if it was because the emotions were more real and intense, or if it was because I finally had sex without a condom.

Whatever it was, it wore me out and I slumped on top of Bella, most likely crushing her with my weight.

Finally rolling off her, I lied flat on my back, pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her. Slowly, I let my eyes drift to a close. It didn't take me long to fall asleep after that, and I wasn't quite sure when I actually passed out. All I knew was that before I let the darkness consume me, I told Bella how much I loved her… _repeatedly_.

I might not be some romantic Casa Nova, but I hoped that by my sincerity that it was enough.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

When I awoke from my deep sleep, I immediately reached out and patted down the spot on the bed where Bella was supposed to be, and to my disappointment, I found it to be cold and empty.

I was, indeed, alone.

Well, I can't say that it surprised me. It was kind of expected. Even though I'd managed to break down several walls of Bella's in the last month, I knew that there was still quite a way to go. The countless layers that she had built up to protect herself over the years was pretty extensive and I knew it was going to take me longer than just few weeks to diminish all of that.

Regardless, it didn't matter to me how long it took. I was committed to her from the moment I laid my eyes on her and I was pretty much in it for the long haul.

Last night had brought a lot of feelings to the surface, and my mind was still reeling from everything. In fact, the more I thought about it the harder it was for me to believe that it actually happened.

When Bella confessed that she loved me, I was fucking shocked. It took a while for me to come out of the haze and for it to really sink in. I mean, I always knew that she cared for me in her small way; I just didn't think that she would ever admit to being  _in love_ with me. It was what I always wanted to hear from her and I assumed that once she said those words that all our troubles would fade away.

That everything would fall into place…

Except, it didn't.

Bella was a stubborn woman. She fought against us from the start, and I couldn't begrudge her of that...especially since I did the same fucking thing in beginning.

It was embarrassing to think about all the things I did to rid Bella from my thoughts and things I tried to dispel her from invading my dreams. I continually denied my feelings for her on multiple occasions and I should've known better. The signs were all there in my fucking face, laughing at me.

Bella was definitely a difficult nut to crack. Thankfully, with my ever constant presence and devoted persistence, I was able to chip a piece off her hard facade.

In the end, she took a risk by letting herself fall for me.

That alone made all of my uncertainty and frustrations over the last few weeks well worth it.

_She said she loved me…_

Damn, that woman was my fucking undoing and she knew it.

She ruled my entire existence way beyond what was natural, and as much as I wanted to protect myself from it, I fucking couldn't. The fact of the matter was that being around her was essential for me, and it was the only time I really felt alive.

She made my world more colorful and gave it a purpose.

If I spent the rest of my life just loving her with every fiber of my being, I would consider myself a success. Nothing else mattered to me. The money, the fame, and the endless sex with multiple women that I'd aspired to have had been a meaningless existence and it wasn't what I was about anymore.

 _No regrets_.

The days before Bella seemed silly to me now, and it was no fucking wonder that Jasper and Emmett had been on my ass about getting my shit together. They'd seen the tragic and empty life that I was blindly running towards, and they warned me. Those guys had always had my best interest at heart, and at the time, I was too brainwashed and ignorant to actually acknowledge it.

I guess all it took was for a beautiful and captivating Mistress to come into my life to change all of that.

Smoothing my hands over my face, I sat up in the bed and looked around the room. The soft morning light from the sun was pouring in from the blinds, making weird and displaced shapes on the carpet. I looked at over at the clock on the large dresser in the corner of the room, rubbing my sleepy eyes, I saw that it was a little past nine in the morning.

_Fuck…I don't want to get up._

Yawning and stretching my arms over my head, I was half tempted to lie back down and go back to sleep, but the loud and sudden blaring of doorbell changed my plans.

Groaning, I kicked the sheets off my feet and quickly scanned the room for my clothes. I was naked as a fucking jaybird and thankfully it didn't take me long to spot my jeans and distressed tee. They were both thrown, idly, across the back of one of Bella's expensive white cloth chairs.

The doorbell was becoming annoying ring in my ear and soon turned into a pounding headache. As I headed towards the stairs, buckling the last button on my jeans, I took a chance and poked my head in Bella's room. The bed was still neatly made and I wondered if she stayed with me all night or if she left after I fell asleep.

I would've liked to think that I would've awoke the minute she removed herself from my arms, but this morning proved to me how hard of a sleeper I actually was.

As I descended the stairs, the obnoxious doorbell ringing stopped and sighed with some relief, hopeful that the person left, but I was wrong. The unknown person decided to switch up their tactics and now was pounding on the fucking door.

"Hold the fuck on. Jesus Christ," I muttered irritably.

The moment I got to the bottom landing, I tripped over some unassuming rug and I fumbled over my big stupid feet, like a fucking klutz, nearly face planting into the hardwood floor.

"Stupid, mother…" I growled loudly as I kicked that piece of shit rug across the hall. The fucker didn't go very far, but it made me feel victorious and I was pleased with my efforts.

_Ding dong._

_Knock. Knock._

_Ding Dong._

_Knock. Knock._

"Good fucking grief." I sighed exasperated as I turned my attention back to this morning's pain in the ass.

As soon as I reached the door, I peered through the peep hole and saw that it was Angela who was making all that God damned racket. She was anxiously shifting from foot to foot, wearing large aviators that covered half her face, and smoking on a fucking cigarette…

_What the fuck?_

She took one last puff before throwing her smoke to the ground. She turned her attention back to the door and continued on with her assault, banging on the wood, fucking relentlessly.

"Open up, fuckers. I know your home," she cursed loudly.

The very sight of her all agitated made me laugh. It was quite entertaining to watch her get all fucking flustered, and I almost wasn't going to let her in. It was too much fun making her suffer out there, but it was also still too early for her inane ranting.

I mean, my headache was only getting worse by the fucking minute, and God only knows what effect she was going to have on it.

 _Ugh, I am going to regret this,_ I thought as I let out a long exhale, deciding to let the little annoyance in.

Unlocking the door and opening, I watched as Angela was caught off by surprise. Her tiny fist was still high in the air, in mid-route, and expecting to knock once again. The lack of solid mass caused her to stumble over the threshold and head butting me in the chest. She looked up at me with a hateful scowl, brushing her hair from her face.

She took off her sunglasses and pushed past me forcefully. "What the hell took you so long to answer the door, jackass?"

"Good morning to you, too," I deadpanned as I closed the door behind her.

"Where's my sister? Is she still mad at me for last night?" she asked, completely ignoring me and headed straight for the kitchen.

I trailed after her, shrugging my shoulders. "Um, I have no fucking idea where she is or whether or not she's mad at you. She really hasn't said much on the subject."

"Yeah, right," she scoffed, "Bella always has something clever to say."

Angela was standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator door propped wide open and she was bent over scanning its contents. I leaned against the door frame and watched her with mild amusement.

"So, what are you doing here so early, Ang? I thought you would be fornicating with your new Dom…Aro," I taunted, making sure to roll the R with my tongue.

She turned her head to the side and glared at me. "Don't be an asshole, Edward. Do I need to remind you of who saved your ass last night from being molested by the skank in heels? Yeah, that badass bitch was me."

"Fair enough," I chuckled.

" _Anyways_ ," she retorted snobbishly, "Aro and I have an agreement. He gives me the mornings off to do my own thing and then in the evenings I am his," she boasted. "Tonight he wants to experiment with some electro play."

"Electro play? What the fuck is that?"

"Well, you see, it's kind of like jumper cables, but instead of hooking it up to a battery, you hook it to my nipples and cli—"

"Yeah, I think I get the picture, Ang," I cut her off abruptly, putting my hands up, and waving her to move the fuck on.

She laughed, rolling her eyes at me. "Oh, relax; I am just fucking with you. You know, I never would've thought you would be such a prude, Edward."

"Is there a particular reason why you're here, Ang?" I questioned, irritated.

"I wanted to talk—Ugh, Bella never keeps anything good in this  _stupid_  house. All she ever buys is this organic shit. I mean, who fucking eats like that?" she questioned with a pout as she slammed the door shut. She looked up at me with a quirked eyebrow. "What?"

"I never knew that you smoked," I said out of fucking nowhere.

She shuffled her feet, glancing down and away from me, looking completely shamefaced. "Oh, yeah,  _that_ …well, that's kind of a new development. Bella is going to go ballistic when she finds out about it."

I narrowed my eyes at her confused as I remembered her huffing and puffing away only a few minutes prior. The secret that she wanted to keep away from her sister was lying smashed on the front porch. Either she wasn't very bright or she was being untruthful with me.

I decided to not press her on the subject. It was none of my business, and quite honestly, I didn't really care all that much.

"A lot of people smoke, Angela. I smoke. It's not that big of a deal," I replied nonchalantly.

"Maybe not to you, but with Bella it is. She despises people who smoke."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Since when?" I asked, flustered.

Panic started to course through my veins with that little bombshell, and I felt intense guilt for this little habit of mine for the first time… _ever_. It pained me to think that Bella thought less of me as a person—as a lover to her—just because I smoked.

"Since like fucking  _forever_. She hasn't gotten on your ass about your smoking?"

Anxiously running my hands through my hair, I shook my head numbly.

"Wow, that's kind of… odd. I mean, Bella isn't the shy type and she sure as hell doesn't beat around the bush. I figured she would've made you sign a contract saying your ass had to quit. It's really unlike her to let a sub do whatever he wants…" she trailed off and glancing around the room, her eyes darting back and forth like a cartoon. She looked up at me with a perplexed expression. "Whoa, hold on a minute. You answered the door to let me."

"Yeah, so what? I'm not seeing what you're trying to get at."

She snorted. "You're a submissive, dumbass. It's practically against the fucking law, and I don't know if you notice, but Bella doesn't take her role as a Domme lightly. It's just unlike her to overlook such a crucial point. Unless…" she paused, pursing her lips as if she was deep in thought.

"Will you get to the point, please," I begged as I pinched the bridge of my nose in effort to persuade my headache to fucking go away.

"My sister told you that she loved you, didn't she?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked impassively as I tried to play dumb, but my fucking ear to ear grin was blowing my cover.

It was damn near impossible for me to hide my fucking elation.

_Damn it._

"See, I fucking knew it!" she exclaimed loudly, pointing her finger at my smile. "I mean, you're never this happy. You've always been brooding kind."

"I don't fucking brood," I stated, offended.

"Um, yeah you do. It's kind of sexy, too," she said with a wink.

I rubbed my brow roughly and shook my head. "You're crazy."

"No, I'm perceptive. There's a difference."

She was spot on in her observations and which made me feel fucking transparent. In the past, I wasn't the type of guy to leave a person guessing. I was up front about everything, but now, even the simplest bit of scrutiny left me feeling naked.

Somewhere along the line I turned into such a fucking pussy.

Sighing heavily, I reached into my jean pockets and pulled out my cigarettes. Angela watched me curiously as I nodded my head towards the door. "Do you want to have a smoke with me before I quit?"

"Sure, I could use another," Angela replied, shrugging her shoulders as she followed to the front door. "Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think I can bum a smoke off you?"

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Ten minutes later, Angela and I sat side by side and up against the wall out on the patio. We were smoking our cigarettes and relishing in the calming effect of the sweet nicotine. We were already on our second smoke and our conversation had lulled. It was nice not having to feel the need to fill the silence. It was comfortable with Angela and I really enjoyed her company. She was a fucking smartass and I loved her crude sense of humor. If I didn't have her as my ally with Bella, I don't know if I would've stuck it out as long.

She was my fucking buoy in the rapid and violent tides of the vast seas of Bella.

"You know, I tried to tell her that this was going to happen, but she never fucking listens to me, Edward. She kept telling me that she had everything under control. Yeah fucking right. She thinks because she's older that she knows more than me, but she doesn't. I could see what was going to happen the moment she agreed to take you on as a sub, and I could see that she had feelings for you. The way she looked at you was…I don't know how to describe it. All I know is that she never looked at James that way. You know, she always had this detached look in her eyes with him, but with you it was different," she droned on, taking a long drag off her cigarette. "I should have bet money on it."

"I kind of wished you've told me all this shit before, Angela. Do you realize how much this insight could've helped me? My life would've been a hell of a lot less stressful," I said cynically.

"Awe, I'm so sorry, buddy," she said sweetly as she threw her arm around my neck and pulled me into her. "I didn't want to go running my mouth off about something I wasn't completely hundred percent positive about. I would've hated to get your hopes up, just in case I was wrong."

"Yeah, I understand, but I still wish I would've got some sort of heads up," I continued to pout, shamelessly.

Angela laughed. "Oh, stop being such a sourpuss, Eddie. Things all worked out in the end, didn't they? Now you guys can run off to Vegas and get married. Pop out a few kids and buy a farm in Idaho or some shit."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed, finishing the rest of my last cigarette… _ever_.

When I told Angela I was quitting, I wasn't just bullshitting. If Bella hated smokers, I wasn't going to keep on doing it. There was no fucking way I was going to risk a life with her over some nasty habit that was bad for me anyway.

I had brains and it was about time I started using them.

"What do you mean ' _Yeah, right'_? It's not impossible, Edward. I mean, isn't that what people do when they are in love with each other?" she asked in a lovey-dovey voice and making kissing noises at me.

I pushed her away from me playfully, laughing at her. "Okay, you need to stop."

"In all seriousness, would you ever consider marrying my sister?"

I sighed. "Yeah, eventually… _maybe._ It's a complicated situation, Angela. Your sister and I aren't exactly what you would call ' _normal'_. I don't even know what I would call her. I mean, is she my girlfriend or is she my Mistress? Is she both?"

"I honestly believe that you guys can make it work. You're too good for each other not to at least try, you know," she said reassuringly.

"Yeah, I guess, but honestly, none of this even matters because before I would even consider marrying Bella, I would at least like her to meet my parents…" I smiled mischievously as my voice trailed off.

_Maybe there is a way after all._

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Angela asked warily.

"What are you and Bella doing for Christmas?"


	25. Pushing Boundaries

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**~Pushing Boundaries~**

It didn't take much coaxing from me to get Angela on board about Christmas. She was more than willing to try to get Bella to agree to come to my house—in fact, she was fucking excited about. In the last eight years the two sisters had spent every holiday eating Chinese take-out and watching endless reruns of ' _Miracle On 34_ _th_ _Street'_.

Needless to say, she was sick of it.

After their parents died, the majority of their relatives decided that this was the perfect time to desert them—Bella was eighteen years old and Angela was barely even twelve, and apparently they were old enough to be on their own. It was fucking bullshit in my opinion, and I couldn't believe how some people could be so... _heartless_.

Angela assured me that they were better off without those assholes, and in the end made them a stronger unit.

According to Angela, Bella had stepped up to the plate and made it work, selflessly taking care of her little sister with no reservations. She even dropped out of college for a year and securing down two jobs to ensure that they both had a roof over their heads. It didn't matter how hard it got for them, Bella's first priority was always Angela. She made damned sure that she was happy, and more importantly, safe.

She fought with this unbreakable strength to keep their family intact and thriving…

And that was why I was determined more than ever to merge and expand their little family with my own.

"So," I hedged slowly as I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, "which one of us is going to ask Bella about Christmas?"

Angela snorted, shaking her head. "Well, it ain't going to be me, lover boy. I'm just the person who stands back from a distance and supports your decision."

"How far is this distance?" I asked, skeptical. "Is it across the room? Is it down the street? What?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of the safety of my apartment…on the other side of town."

"Fucking chicken shit," I scoffed.

"What? Bella can be scary, Edward. Have you seen the vein? It's not pretty," Angela cried, pointing to her forehead and making a really weird face.

I chuckled at her antics as I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, well, I happen to think that your sister's vein is quite sexy."

"Really?" She raised her eyebrow at me, doubtfully.

"What can I say, her feistiness turns me on," I stated truthfully.

"Man, oh man, boy do you have bad," she said cringing as she scooted away from me.

"Alright, smartass, why don't we talk about  _your_ Dom," I challenged as I turned my torso towards her. "There must be something about that dude that you see that other people don't."

"Okay," she said happily as she sat up straighter, brushing her hair from her face. She sighed contently. "Aro is… _amazing_. He's so…tender and loving. He makes it a point to always stay within my limits and  _never_ , ever pushes me. He just, I don't know, takes really good care of me and my needs."

I scrunched up my nose in disgust and started making gagging noises.

"Ugh, shut up!" she huffed. "You know, you talk a lot of shit for someone who has it worse than me when it comes to their Domme."

"That's true, but my situation is  _totally_  different than yours."

"How is it different?" she asked, unconvinced.

"Well, first off, my Domme is a lot hotter than yours-fuck, that dude is old, Ang. Seriously, the guy has got to be at least in his hundreds," I half-jokingly teased.

Her jaw dropped as she stared at me, completely stunned by my audacity, but soon the shock faded and I watched as the vengeance gathered behind her eyes. She went to open her mouth to come back at me with some witty comment, but instead of her verbal venom, she opted for the painful route. I tensed up my body as she winded up her arm, bringing it back, and aiming to strike me in the bicep.

_**I want your drama.  
The touch of your hand.  
I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand.  
I want your love.  
Love-love-love.  
I want your love.** _

The sudden sound of her Lady Gaga ringtone that was blaring from her phone had halted her assault on me and officially distracted her.

_Thank God…she hits hard._

"You're lucky, punk," she said as she reached into her side pocket of her jeans and pulled out her iPhone.

She took one look at it and turned to me with a huge grin—the smile practically overtaking her face. A slight giggle escaped from her lips as she flashed the screen my way.

It read: Master Aro.

_Fucking perfect._

My obvious dislike for the man was evident on my face, but Angela was overjoyed and in fucking la-la land. She was oblivious to my scowl.

"Good morning, Master," she answered in a low, but sultry voice as she stood up from our squat against the wall. She walked over towards the porch stairs, keeping her back to me. "I'm at Bella's right now...Um, I'm not sure, probably for about thirty to forty minutes now," she paused, slowly glancing over her shoulder to look at me with her brows furrowed. "Yeah, I was hanging out with Ed—no, I was just going to wait for her…She's not home yet."

I watched her curiously as she listened to the other end. Her face went through a plethora of expressions before she settled upon the classic and true pissed off look. Her lips were pursed into a tight line and her eyes were narrowed into thin slits.

"Bella did what?"

Upon hearing my Mistress' name, I jumped up from my spot on the floor and carefully approached Angela. She held up her hand to me and silently asked me to give her a minute. Nodding in understanding, I backed off...but only slightly. My sudden concern for my Bella was overpowering my tactfulness, and unfortunately, as much as I tried, I was unable to hear what Aro was saying on the other end. I was only able to gage their conversation based on Angela's facial reactions…It wasn't looking good.

"I can't believe she came to you, Master. I am so sorry...Yes, I take full responsibility for my sister and that includes bearing the punishment," she stated in a tense, but even tone.

 _Punishment?_ My ears perked up.

"What's going on?" I whispered.

Angela disregarded my question as she tilted her head up and squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes, I understand why you're so upset, Master…No, I didn't tell her anything…Yes, she came on her own…Okay…I'll be there soon."

She was on the line for a few more seconds just listening and I inched myself closer to the ear piece, virtually on top of her, as I tried to get some information on the impending situation. She gave me an icy glare as she pushed me away and creating some distance between us.

"Come on," I muttered, irritated.

It was annoying the fuck out of me that I didn't know what was going on, and I anxiously ran my hands through my hair, tugging at the roots. It usually had a calming an effect on me, but now, I was in full freak out mode and nothing seemed to help.

"Angela, please," I pleaded as I paced back and forth.

I was going fucking crazy.

 _Finally_  after her third fucking apology and a whispered 'I love you', she disconnected the call from her Dom.

Stopping mid-stride and completely ignoring the fact that she confessed that she loved that fucker, I was more wrapped up in my Mistress' wellbeing, and I pounced on Angela the first chance I got.

"Tell me what's going on," I demanded.

She gave me a sideways glance as she squeezed the shit out of her iPhone, groaning in frustration, and looking like she wanted blood.

"I am going to kill her!" she muttered.

"What? Why? Is Bella okay?" I asked, panicked.

"Oh, Bella's fine. She can't mind her own God damned business, but she's fine," she said bitterly.

Reassured that Bella wasn't harmed in any way by that asshole and everything was seemingly okay, I allowed my muscles to relax.

"That's a fucking relief," I said bluntly.

Angela shot me a dirty look and I was a little thrown off by her hostile reaction towards me.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, confused.

"It's nothing. Never mind," Angela replied, waving me off.

"Okay," I said, not really believing her, but deciding to drop it.

Sometimes, it was best not to know what someone was thinking—especially if that someone was a woman. I mean, if I was to start digging around in a female's brain, trying to figure out the rhymes and reasons for shit, there was no telling what sort of things I would end up finding.

The thought alone was a little terrifying.

"God," Angela growled, "Bella just makes me so mad sometimes, you know?"

"What did she do?"

"She went over to Aro's house and demanded that he stopped fucking seeing me. Can you believe that? The fucking nerve that she has to go butting into my business. So, now Aro's all pissed off and who do you think is going have to pay for Bella's actions?" she cut herself off abruptly, as if a thought just occurred to her. "Shit, I hope to God that it's just me who gets the brunt of his wrath and not Jane…she doesn't deserve it—well, anyways, there isn't anything I can do about that. Do you know what just fucking kills me? Is the fact that she didn't come to me about Aro. No, she goes behind my back and fucking demands things out of my Dom."

Angela was pacing furiously across the small space now, making a distinctive trail in her wake as she mumbled under breath. The irritation with Bella was pretty obvious, but from my standpoint, I was fucking glad that Bella did what she did. I mean, sure she should've talked to Angela first, but that wasn't her first instinct. She saw her sister in danger and wanted her out. It was like all her fucking reasonable logic went out the window, and if my little brothers were ever in trouble, I know for a fact that I would've reacted the same way.

Damn the fucking consequences…

"She probably had a very good reason to step in like she did, Ang," I said.

Angela laughed. "Yeah, Bella always has a  _good_  fucking reason for everything she does, but it still doesn't make it right. I am so sick and tired of being treated like a little kid. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself," she said stubbornly, stomping her foot on the floor.

The childish pout was very contradicting to her statement and I had to stifle my laugh. In a way, I could understand her anger, but it the end it was for her own safety and that overruled any her hurt feelings that she may have had.

That shit was cut and dry.

"Look, she's your older sister, Ang, and she's always going to be looking out for you. It has nothing to do with her treating you like a child or whether or not you can take care of yourself," I said diplomatically. "In fact, I'm fucking ecstatic that she went over there and talked with that douche. He isn't good guy. You shouldn't be so hard on her."

She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at me. "What the…Are you trying to tell me that you're fucking happy that Bella screwed me over?"

"Screwed you over—what? No." I was floored by the way she had twisted my words.

_Fucking women._

"Then why would you say that? You have no idea the shit that Bella has stirred up for me. Do you think that her going over there, running her big ass mouth, fixed anything or got me away from this so-called ' _boogie man'_?" she seethed. "No, it didn't. Nothing has changed. The only thing she managed to do is anger my Dom and who do you think is going to be punished for her little impromptu visit, Edward? Me! Not her!"

"So, he's going to punish  _you_  for your sister's actions?" I asked in disbelief. She nodded and I scoffed. "You see, you just proved my fucking point. The guy is a monster and you need to stay away from him."

"Oh, my god, I can't believe that you're saying this shit to me. You're such a traitor bitch, Edward," she accused.

"What? No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are! You're taking her side and fucking selling me out in the process," she said hurt.

I sighed in defeat as I took a step towards her, hoping to defuse the situation. "Angela, I am on both of your sides. I am fucking Switzerland for God's sake."

"No, you're not," she shot back, stumbling away from my reach. "You're making snap judgments on a man that you barely even know, telling me that Aro is a bad guy, and fucking supporting what my sister did—shit that she did behind my back. How the hell is that being on my side?"

"Angela, I've always been on your side, but this guy—"

"I thought we were the same, Edward," she interrupted me, looking down at her feet as her shoulders slumped. "I thought we were friends and that you understood my feelings. I hoped that you would've been the one to support me on this like I've supported you, but instead you just turn your back on me," she said hurt.

"I haven't turned my back on you," I protested.

The fury and betrayal in her eyes was pretty fucking shocking and I couldn't fathom how she could misconstrue what I said. Didn't she see how much I cared for her and how I didn't want anything bad to happen to her? Aro was this vile human being and the thought of him hurting her… _Fuck_ , it just killed me. It wasn't about taking sides; it was about doing what was right by her.

However, Angela didn't see it that way…at all.

"Really? It sure as fuck feels like it. I mean, why should I believe anything you say?"

"Because…I…" I stuttered.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she said smugly.

_God! She is so fucking maddening._

"Because I care about you, Ang," I bellowed, exasperated.

She jumped back away from me slightly, looking completely stunned by my outburst.

"Look," I continued in a calmer tone, "I don't want anything bad to ever happen to you, okay? Your Dom gives me the creeps, and I'm sorry if you feel betrayed by me for saying that, but I just don't trust him. That is why I agree with Bella's decision. I know where she's coming from. I have two little brothers that I love and would fucking die for. If I ever felt, for one God damned second, that they were in danger, I wouldn't think twice about the consequences, I would just react…" I paused, approaching her cautiously, "and that's exactly how I feel about you. So, if my need to always protect you from harm makes me a traitor bitch, well, so be it."

She looked at me incredulously, sizing me up, and looking for any contradictions to my words. She was being stubborn and didn't want to swallow her pride, but deep down, she knew that I was being truthful to her. How could I not care for her? She's been my ally—the solider in the trenches—since the very beginning and it sucked to think that she would assume that our friendship was all for nothing.

Thankfully after her staring me down—for what seemed like fucking forever—I could see her walls were finally coming down, receding like the tide, and letting me in.

She was more like her sister than she wanted to realize.

"Ugh, it's fucking impossible to stay mad at you when you say shit like that," she said, smiling weakly. " _But_  you're still an asshole, though, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I said as I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her chastely on top of her head. "What can I say? It's a gift."

She laughed. "As if your good looks weren't enough."

"Well, that's not the only place I was blessed," I said suggestively.

"Ew, get off me," she said, pushing away from me and rolling her eyes.

I shook my head, laughing at her grossed out expression. "Sorry, I had to. I just love freaking you out."

"That shit isn't funny," she pouted.

"What? Come on. It was a little funny," I said, nudging her with my elbow.

"I'm mad right now, okay?" she stated adamantly. "I've forgiven you for being an asshole, but I could always change my mind."

"Okay, fair enough. I'll behave. I promise."

She narrowed her eyes, not completely convinced with me, but I could see that she was still conflicted and wanted to talk about it. It was literally bursting out of her. It was partly the reason she couldn't or  _wouldn't_  stay mad at me. She knew that I was her only confidant in all of this. She needed my friendship as much as I needed hers.

"All joking aside, Angela, I meant what I said, okay? So, come on, spit it out. What's on your mind? Let me help you," I urged as I impersonated Doctor Phil's voice.

She laughed and then sighed heavily. "What am I going to do? This whole thing is a mess, Edward. I am still so mad at Bella for going to see him. If she would've talked to me first…" she paused as the sound of a car pulling into the driveway caught both of our attention. "Well, speaking of the devil."

Bella's white Audi was parking behind my car and I had the sudden impulse to go out there and greet her. The images of last night were suddenly in the forefront of my mind, giving me an intense feeling of want and need for her. It was my driving force and my feet were moving towards the stairs before I even realized what was happening, but as I glanced down at the ground, I noticed that the fucking porch was littered with discarded cigarette filters. It was a total fucking mess and there was no way in hell I wanted Bella to come home to this… _filth_.

I mean, her porch wasn't a God damned ashtray.

"Ah, shit," I cursed loudly as I dropped to my knees and started to pick up the numerous butts.

"What are you doing?" Angela asked, confused.

"I'm cleaning up the porch. What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?" I shot back.

"Jesus Christ, Edward, you don't have to do that. She's not your Mistress anymore," she said tiredly as she tugged up on my shirt.

I sneered at her naïve assumption and I jerked my shoulder roughly, freeing my shirt from her grasp as I continued to crawl along the floor. "Yes, she is."

"Fine, suit yourself, but I think you're being silly. When is it going to end?"

I snorted. "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?"

"No, I am totally serious. I mean, what are you going to do after you tidy up your Mistress' porch? Are you going to run inside, get naked, and get into the submissive position?" she inquired semi-seriously.

"You think I should?" I asked, suddenly worried as I darted my eyes back up at her.

She rolled her eyes dramatically at me. "No, you freak, I was kidding."

"Oh," I replied lamely as I rose to my feet.

Glancing towards the driveway, I could see that Bella was making her way up the stairs. She was wearing form-fitting jeans and a black V-neck tee. Her hair was piled up on top of her head in a hot librarian type of bun, and I was completely spell bounded by her beauty. It kept me frozen in place with a slacked jaw—which wasn't fucking helping my current situation, because my hands were still filled with cigarette butts and there wasn't a trash can anywhere within my close proximity. I sure as hell didn't have enough time to run inside to dispose of it….

Yeah, I was pretty much screwed.

"Fuck," I groaned.

Angela looked at me questioningly, but before she could ask me what my problem was, Bella reached the top of the stairs and as a last ditched effort to hide the evidence, I shoved my hands deep within my jean pockets.

As an automatic response to my Mistress, I dropped my head and found a place to focus my eyes on the floor. Even though Angela told me that Bella was no longer my Domme, I was incapable of abandoning the habit. It didn't matter to me if our relationship grew into something more, she was always going to be that for me, and as her devoted sub, I was going to respect her as such.

I breathed in deeply and I smelled her intoxicating fragrance before I heard her.

"Hi, Angela…Edward," Bella said warily. "What have you guys been up to?"

"It's funny that you should ask that…" Angela paused briefly as she elbowed me, but I ignored her silent suggestion to look up and she muttered something underneath her breath that I didn't catch.

I wasn't an idiot; I knew what she wanted me to do. It just wasn't going to happen…not until my Mistress told me otherwise.

She huffed, annoyed. " _Anyways_ … I was going to ask you the same thing, sis. So, where were you this morning? Huh? Neman Marcus, perhaps?" she asked in a suspicious tone.

Well, she definitely wasn't pulling any punches.

There was silence for a moment and I was half tempted to look up from my spot on the ground, breaking away from my submissive role just to see the expression on Bella's face. The worst part about the whole non-dominant gig was that I was always feeling like I was in the dark. It was odd to miss simple facial expressions, but they were so telling of what someone was thinking and it made it harder for me to gage situations.

In the end, I was a nosy fucker.

"Let me guess, Aro called you." Bella finally spoke and immediately igniting my insides on fire.

_Fuck me! Angela was right. I do have it bad for my Mistress._

"Yeah, he told me that you went over there and  _demanded_  that he stop seeing me. I mean,  _really_? What is this…a fucking dictatorship?" Angela asked heatedly.

Bella laughed…except, it wasn't a happy, content laugh, but more of a desperate, exhausted laugh. "Is that what he told you? Well, isn't that just typical Aro bullshit."

"I can't believe that you would do this to me, Bella. You know how he gets." Angela's voice was slowly rising in octaves.

"Believe it or not, Angela, I was actually trying to help you get out of an impossible situation, but if I would've known that you walked into this shit willing, I wouldn't have wasted my time. Jesus Christ, Ang, how could you go behind my back for all these months and sneak around with Aro? Especially after everything I told you about him. How could you be so… irresponsible?" Bella asked, disappointed.

"I didn't go behind your back," Angela stated stubbornly.

"You didn't? Really?" Bella asked skeptically.

"Nope."

"Well, that just makes you a liar, too," Bella replied sadly.

A moment later, I heard the distinct clacking of her heels on the wooden porch and watched the tips of her black shoes come into my view. She reached out for me and grasped a hold of my hand. I looked up at her and saw the tiredness behind her eyes. The morning errands had worn her down and all I wanted to do was take away all of her distress. It pained me to see her so upset, but as much as I wanted to cure her, there was nothing that I could do for her at the time being. The drama with Angela was just starting to reach fever pitch and it wasn't going to end until she got the answers she sought out of her older sister.

"Come," Bella said to me sweetly, but commandingly as she pulled me inside of the house.

It wasn't long before Angela was trotting right after us. "I've never lied to you, Bells."

"Oh, really?" Bella snapped, twirling around to face her. "So, tell me. If you were never hiding your relationship with Aro from me, why is it that am I just finding out about it now? He told me that you've been his submissive for six months! Six damn months, Ang! How is that being truthful to me?"

Angela stared at Bella dumfounded. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Bella asked cynically. "Right."

"Maybe I didn't think it was any of your business," Angela fired back.

"None of my business?" Bella stated slowly and disbelievingly.

Somewhere in the last two seconds, Angela had found her backbone and she was raring to go. It was pretty clear by her weak defense that she was grasping at straws and I shook my head from the ridiculousness of it all. The argument between them was going to get pretty fucking bad. The only thing I could do was pray that it didn't get so out of hand that both of them said things that they would later regret.

"You're my little sister," Bella continued. "Everything you do is my business."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Bells. I'm nineteen years old and have a right to make my own choices. God, what do I have to do to make you trust me?" she whined like a five year old as she folded her arms over her chest.

"I do trust you, Angela. I just don't trust him. He's not good for you."

That was exactly how I felt about the fucking asshole and it amazed me how in sync Bella and I both were.

"He's not  _that_  Dom anymore, Bella. He's changed. He really cares for me."

"Aro doesn't care about anyone other than himself, Ang. He never has and he never will," Bella spoke softly and truthfully.

"You're wrong. It's different with us.  _I'm_ different." Angela's voice was so thick with emotion and I heard the true devotion she had for her Dom.

"Sweetie, I know you want that more than anything, but it's just not true. Aro is incapable of love or attachment. He's wired differently than the rest of us." Bella frowned as she reached out for her, but was quickly given the cold shoulder as Angela backed away.

"No, you don't know him like I do," she argued vehemently.

"The man that I went and saw today was the same man that I knew three years ago when I was his submissive. He hasn't changed one bit. You just desperately want him to."

The sheer pain that transpired on Angela's face was hard for me to watch and I wanted to say something…to make them both stop this fucking madness, but I couldn't. The brutal honesty of Bella's words was what Angela needed to hear and as it crept into her psyche, I could see her mind working hard to fight against it. She didn't want to believe the truth about him. In fact, she was rejecting it outright because…well, she fucking loved him.

The battle was already lost…

"Do you honestly believe that he wouldn't replace you at a drop of a hat if something  _better_  came along? You're not that special to him, Angela. Please, just trust me on this," Bella said, adding the final nail into the coffin of their relationship.

It didn't take a clairvoyant with a crystal ball to predict what was about to happen next. Fuck, I already knew even before Angela said the words.

"Why can't I be special, Bells? Huh? Is it because I'm not you?" Angela asked hatefully.

Bella stayed quiet. Silently answering Angela's question and confirming her assumptions.

"Wow. That's…" Angela trailed off, shaking her head. "I can't do this anymore, Bella. You're fucking impossible to be around. I love you, but…I just I need to be on my own."

_Fuck!_

"You need to grow up, Angela," Bella said indifferently.

"Yeah, I'll do that, but in return will you do me a favor and stay out of my fucking life?" she hissed. "I don't need your God damned help and I sure as hell can take care of myself. I've been doing it for a while now."

"Have you now?" Bella questioned incredulously.

Angela nodded. "The truth hurts, doesn't it?"

"Fine, baby sister," Bella replied simply. "You go off gallivanting with the devil, but when that ends badly, do  _not_  come back to me crying about it."

"Don't you worry, I won't. You've caused enough fucking drama in my life as it is. Thanks to you, I'm due for a punishment now," Angela spat as she grabbed her purse off the kitchen counter.

She opened the side pouch and pulled a cigarette out. She popped the sweet little gem into her mouth, openly defying her sister.

"By the way, Bells," Angela said as she gave me one last parting look before she dropped her last and final atomic version of ' _Little Boy'_ , "you fucking suck as a Domme. You don't know how to treat your subs and it's a fucking miracle that Edward has stuck around for as long as he has, because God knows he's should've ditched your ass long ago."

My eyes bulged out of my skull when she said that and I couldn't believe that she actually went there. It was a low blow. Her venom missile was aimed more towards on hurting Bella, and that shit was a direct fucking hit, but the blast was so massive that it took me down as well.

_Who's the traitor now?_

"Sorry, Edward," Angela told me sadly when she saw the absolute horror behind my eyes, "but you're on your own now."

Angela then turned her back on me, walked out of my life, and made fucking sure that she slammed the door loudly behind her.


	26. The Harder They Fall

**Chapter Twenty Five**

**~The Harder They Fall ~**

So…what the fuck do I do now?

Angela kind of just dumped a huge pile shit on me and basically high-tailed it. Now, I was stuck right in the middle of their sibling spat, and mostly because Angela had put me there, but what really pissed me off was the fact that she expected me to clean up her fucking mess.

God, where do I even begin?

The declaration of her parting insults was still looming over Bella and me like a dark and vengeful cloud, keeping us horror-stricken. There was no easy way to recover from something that horrific.

The harshness that was directed at my Mistress hit her below the belt pretty hard, and the way she stood there frozen with a crushed look on her face, it was fairly obvious that she believed every single word.

And it didn't matter how much I tried to convince Bella of how untrue Angela's statements were because it was the hurtful comments were the ones that always stuck the most with people.

Society just  _loved_  to focus on the negative.

_God damn it, Angela!_

Well, didn't this day turn out just  _swell_? I'd been smoke free for less than hour and the last thing I needed was all this fucking stress. Damn, lighting up was all I could think about now. It was the one thing that ever gave me some sort of clarity, and like an overzealous idiot, I had to go and abolish my sanity on a stick...

_Fucking perfect._

Not exactly the optimal time to be quitting; that's for damned sure.

"Well, that's that," Bella said with a finality in her voice, breaking the awkward calm. "I did what I could, but now it's up to her to make her own decisions—no matter how bad those decisions are. I just need to let go and let her live her life."

She waved dismissively towards the door…almost as if she was washing her hands of her sister and I wanted to roll my eyes at her poor attempt at deflection.

It was a defense mechanism and I knew what she was doing. She was playing possum. She gave a shit a lot more than she liked to let on, and after a beat of silence, she realized she wasn't going get the response that she wanted from me.

I refused to indulge her in her denials.

She let out a defeated sigh. "God, who am I trying to kid? I am so scared for her. She's so blind to him and has no idea what she's getting herself into."

"Is he going to hurt her?" I asked, worried.

"Yes and no," she answered tiredly. "He'll hurt her in ways that aren't exactly physical. Bruises fade, but the marks that Aro leaves behind are the ones I wanted to protect her from. These are the scars that gnaw and claw at your insides, tearing away every shred of what you are, and leaving nothing but a broken shell." Her tone was filled with anguish and heartbreak.

My gut instincts about Aro were spot on, and I knew I had to find a way to get Angela away from his clutches. It didn't matter if it came down to me kidnapping her. I'd fucking do it, no questions asked. It wouldn't take me much to go over to where she was, pack her up—kicking and screaming—and then drive her bratty ass down to the Mexican border.

She wouldn't have a choice in the matter.

Well, I hoped that it didn't come down to all that, but I wasn't willing to just sit idly by and watch him destroy her, either.

Bella was still staring blankly at the door as though she was hoping that Angela would come back through it. She looked so fucking hopeless, and in that moment, I saw how deeply affected she was by everything: The fight with her sister, the conversation with Aro, and the doubts that were instilled in her concerning me as her submissive…all of them were taking their toll.

This was the first time I'd ever seen her so emotional exposed …she was practically on the verge of a breakdown.

It was impulsive reaction in me to reach out for her, and it might've been a mistake, but I didn't give a shit, I wanted to comfort her.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I said as I caressed her with my knuckles along her soft cheek.

She glanced up at me and shrugged nonchalantly. "Edward, don't be sorry. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked, unconvinced.

"Please," she scoffed, brushing me off as she took a large step away from me…away from my touch.

I dropped my hand limply to my side.

I wanted to be the one to ease her pain.

I needed to be the one who helped heal her.

But Bella was obstinate and wanted none of it.

She was well aware of her slip by now and was hell bent on building her walls back up, but with an even sturdier foundation this time around. It aggravated me to see her do this to herself time and time again. She didn't have to hide from me. If anything, I was the one person she could probably feel the safest around because I would never judge her. She would always be perfect to me, regardless of all her imperfections.

In fact, Bella should allow herself to be who she truly was around me; displaying her vulnerability's so I could fucking comfort her…

I mean, isn't that what boyfriends are supposed to do?

_You're not her boyfriend, dumbass!_

Oh, yeah, that's right. I keep on forgetting about that key point in our relationship. No, I wasn't her boyfriend. I was just her submissive, and as her submissive, I was there to make sure that her needs were met. If my Mistress didn't want to talk to me about her feelings or what was bothering her, I was going to have to suck it up and fucking get over it.

There was no need to dwell on the shit that I couldn't change.

What I needed to do was get my head back into that submissive mind-set. Last night's confessions and unconstrained sex had my thoughts fucking skewed and it was messing with me. It made me almost forget who I was and who I was there for.

My Mistress…

I knew what I needed to do.

"Are you hungry, Mistress?" I asked unexpectedly. "I can make you some breakfast…if you want."

Bella looked at me a little surprised by my offer, cocking her head to the side with an amused smirk. "Are you offering to cook or to go grab me something?"

"Whatever pleases you, Mistress," I replied evenly, but inwardly I was hoping that she would order me to go pick her up some Burger King.

I still didn't trust my cooking skills...or lack thereof.

She smiled tenderly, shaking her head. "Neither is necessary, Edward. I'm not all that hungry."

"I understand, Mistress," I said slightly relieved, but now I was a little stumped on what I could do for her.

Well, I knew a couple things that I  _wanted_  to do for her, but somehow, I got the feeling that it would be more for my benefit than anything else—no matter how many times I tried convincing myself otherwise.

There was no such thing as a selfless good deed.

"Come," she said sternly as she grabbed me by the hand and led me towards the living room.

Following her without a saying a word, I looked around as we entered the room to the right of the foyer. There weren't too many times that I'd actually been in this part of the house and the décor in there was like everything else: Simple.

It seemed as though Bella moved in with as little as possible and never really got around to decorating. There were a few pictures of her friends, but the majority was of her and Angela. It wasn't overly done, but it added a personal touch, and when I was in this room cleaning last week, I remembered how I would always stop and stare at her beautiful, carefree face.

It was a side of her that I was slowly getting to know.

She released me from her light grip, plopping down on the couch, and covering her face with her arms. She kicked off her shoes as I stood there looking down at her like a stalker, and uncertain what I should be doing. Did she want me to sit down or did she want me to leave her alone? It was hard to know for sure because she wasn't giving me any direction. It was unfamiliar territory, and as much as I tried to get my head in the game, I didn't know what she needed at the moment.

So, in true Edward Cullen fashion, I decided to just fucking wing it.

"Mistress?" I called hesitantly.

"Hmm," She answered without removing her arms and her voice came out all muffled.

I gulped back my sudden nervousness. It was a fucking shot in the dark, but I went for it anyways. "May I rub your feet?"

She slowly uncovered her face and smirked up at me. "Well, now you're speaking my language."

I smiled, fucking ecstatic that she said yes. "Um, okay. Thank you, Mistress."

She scooted towards the head of the couch and stretched out her body. As I moved towards her to get down on my knees, she picked up her legs and motioned with her hand for me to take a seat at the end of the sofa. Nodding in understanding, I sat down as she placed her small feet in my lap. I picked up her right foot and gingerly started kneading it. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes as a look of unadulterated serene swept over her face…

I grinned like an idiot as I began intensifying my efforts, hoping to elicit an even wider smile from my Mistress.

This was the first time I'd ever done something like this for a woman. It didn't seem like it was too hard of a task, but I was never the type of guy who was willing to go that extra mile for anyone before Bella came along. I just hoped that she didn't notice how novice I truly was. All I really wanted was to do something for her that eased her mind and I was just stoked that I got to touch her in the process.

That was a double win in my book.

Yeah, I was a desperate addict and I knew it.

The best part about this foot-rubbing gig was that my Mistress' feet were pretty fucking exquisite. There was no hoof for a foot or any odd deformities. They were soft and her toe nails were painted a dark cherry red color, and I could just tell that she spent good money to get them pedicured and shit.

It was fucking nice and made my job rather easy.

"This is very appreciated, Edward. You have no idea how good it feels," Bella hummed gratefully.

"You're welcome," I replied as I switched sides and began giving her deep tissue massage on the arch of her foot. "You've had a rough day and it was the least I could do."

She laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I sure know how to make a bad situation even worse."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. All you were trying to do was protect Angela—in fact, she's lucky that you even give a shit," I stated unthinkingly.

She narrowed her eyes at me, a little taken back by my bluntness. "Yeah, well, I know that my intentions were good, but I just I went about it the wrong way. You have to understand, I've been this parental figure to her for so long and so used to having to bail her out of trouble that it never even occurred to me to discuss it with her. In all honesty, if I would've known that she was a willing participant in all of this, I think I would've been more understanding of it…maybe? I don't know. I just hate being thrown off guard. I really thought she was smarter than that."

"Is there any way to get her away from him?" I asked.

"No. Angela's way too determined to defy me. It's the stubborn Capricorn in her. That's why I should've talked to her before I went to Aro. Now, no matter what I do or say, she won't listen to me. I guess the only thing is to wait for her to come to her senses. I'm just praying that she comes to it sooner than later."

"What if we kidnapped her?" I asked seriously.

She laughed. "Well, as tempting as that sounds, I don't think the situation is that dire…yet. I'll just have to keep an eye on her for the time being and make sure that Aro doesn't cross the line. Which, I don't think he will. It seemed like he had a soft spot for her."

 _Yeah, I doubt it_.

It still didn't sound like a safe place for Angela to be, and as much as Bella tried to soothe my concerns, I knew that there were things that she wasn't telling me. There were times that she clued me in on the vileness of this man, but even those were all too vague for my liking. I needed to know what he'd done to Bella in the past and if it was hopeless venture on my part for me to try to right all of his wrongs.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to find out. "Can ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"What happened to you when you were Aro's submissive? How badly did he hurt you?" I asked carefully, keeping my voice barely above a whisper.

I felt her body tense underneath me as I began to anticipate her wrath that was soon to follow.

"That was two questions, Edward," she corrected in a cold and distant tone. She sat up abruptly and removed her feet from my lap, getting up from the couch. "Yeah, I think I've had enough of the foot rub for now."

_Fuck!_

"Bella, please don't do that," I said quietly, watching her walk away from me.

"Excuse me?" she snapped as she swung back around and glared at me.

"Don't walk away from me," I said more boldly.

It broke me to know that she kept on pushing me away and refusing me that one courtesy of her heart. It was all I fucking wanted. Sure, I was acting like a chick by being all needy and shit, but I needed to feel some sort of connection with her. She just wasn't willing to allow it, and I didn't know how much more of her constant evasions I could actually take.

It was finally reaching the point to where I was tired of walking on eggshells with her.

"When is this shit going to end?" I continued straightforwardly. "How long are you going to keep doing this to me, huh?"

She furrowed her brows with confusion. "Do what? What am I doing to you?"

"You're constantly pushing me away. You're always keeping me at arm's length, and I have to know how long you plan on…" I paused, searching for the right words to express what I wanted to say. Bella kept her eyes locked on me, and I finally decided to grow a pair. "How long do you plan on leading me on?"

"Excuse me? Since when have I been leading you on? If memory serves me correctly, I've been upfront with you about everything since day one." She shook her head in disbelief. "You know, I can't even believe you're accusing me of this shit, Edward. After everything that happened last night...Are you serious?"

Bella was furious with me as she stomped back over to me, but instead of cowering away, I was turned on by her.

"I've never been more serious," I stated firmly. "Look, I'm sorry that I'm being so needy, and I know this is the last thing you need right now, but I have to know what's happening between us. I mean, are we still in the Dom/sub relationship or have we evolved into something more?"

"Edward," she groaned, rubbing her forehead roughly, "I can't keep telling you the same shit over and over again."

"Then tell me something different," I shot back.

"What the hell do you want from me?" she asked, exasperated.

" _You_ , Bella! I just want you," I answered passionately as I rose from the couch and towering over her. The need in me to feel her had intensified. She seemed too far away. "How hard is that to get?"

"But you have me, Edward," she said adamantly as she placed her hand on my chest and pushed me gently away.

Once again, keeping me at arm's length…only this time it wasn't just figuratively.

"No, I don't," I complained as I looked down at the distance that she created between us. "I only have the parts of you that you're willing to give me, but that's not enough. I'm a greedy fucker, always have been, and I demand to have more. That means that I want to know everything about you, Bella, and that's counting the good and bad."

"Well, that's going to be a problem then because I can't give you anymore," she said bleakly. "I don't have anything left in me. Can't you see that?"

She was pleading with me to drop it and accept her as broken, but I wasn't going to let her get off so easily. She was scared, but so was I. The only difference was that I refused to let that come between us—come between something that could possibly make all the bad things go away.

"You know what I see? I see that there is more to you than you're telling me, but you're too scared to show it." I took a small step towards her and she never backed up, so I took another, and I kept taking these steps until her body was flush against mine. I cradled her face in my hands and tilted it upwards. "Am I just a sub to you or is there more to this…to us?"

"I told you how I felt, Edward."

"Please tell me again so it'll stick this time." I was only half-teasing, but the truth was that I needed to hear her say it again.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and dropped her head to my chest, exhaling loudly. "You're more to me than just a sub. I don't know what we are yet, but I know that I do care about you… _a lot_. It's why I've been so selfish with you. I know deserve so much more than what I can offer, but I can't let you go, so, I try to be different for you…a  _gentler_  Domme. But I don't know if I'll be able to be what you  _truly_  need. You understand?"

My irritation with Angela was in full swing again and I vowed to give her a swift kick in the ass for creating so much fucking havoc between Bella and me. It's not like there wasn't a ton of shit already on my plate with Rosalie, James, and that skank witch, Victoria. There was also that little thing with my family. Their burning curiosity about my budding relationship with my fake girlfriend wasn't going to go away anytime soon. It was a complete mess, and now I had to shovel up all of Angela's discarded crap.

"Bella, you shouldn't listen to the shit that your sister was saying. She was fucking lying. She only said what she said to hurt you and get you all pissed off," I insisted, but she still looked skeptical, and I decided to kick it into full gear by softening my angry tone. "Look, I don't fucking feel that way—I've never have, okay? You've been a stern and fierce Mistress to me, and I'll admit that, but what you don't know is that it excites me. I, literally, get off on it. You really have no idea how much of masochist I am, do you? I've enjoyed every second of our time together and I wouldn't change it for anything—well, uh, except for the horse. I think if we took a vote, I would abolish that fucker."

She chuckled slightly as she peeked up at me. "Well, you don't really get a say in that, my pet."

"Yeah, I kind of figured as much," I said with mock disappointment as pulled her further into me. "Well, knowing me, I'll probably do something to piss you off in the future and land my cock and balls on that wooden devil again."

"I don't doubt that," she agreed playfully before averting her eyes from mine and glancing away shamefully. "I'll be honest with you, Edward, what Angela said did bother me, but not in the way you think it did. The truth is that, she's right. I am a  _really_  shitty Domme."

"Bella, you're not a shitty Domme," I argued.

"No, I am," she said regrettably. "You don't realize how I failed you, Edward, because you don't know any different…I mean, I'm the only Domme you've ever been with and—"

" _And_  you're the only Domme I'm ever going be with, Bella," I interrupted as I lifted her head up and stared into her deep, conflicted eyes. "So, you gotta tell me why all of this even matters?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "It doesn't."

"Exactly. It's just you and me…nobody else," I implored. "Please, Bella, I am begging and pleading with you to stop pulling away from me. I may be a persistent asshole, but even I've got my limits. So, you gotta let me know if I'm wasting my time here, Bella, because there is only so much I can take before I throw in the towel…you know?" My voice came out firm and resolute.

I needed her to believe that I would actually walk away if things didn't change…

The actual truth?

I was bluffing. There was nothing in this world that Bella could or couldn't do to cause me leave her. I was a solid fixture in her life and I wasn't going anywhere.

She knitted her brows together and chewed on her bottom lip as she internally wrestled with my demands, all the while looking extremely fuckable. Naturally, this wasn't the time to being get a hard-on, especially since I was trying to have a serious conversation with her, but my body wasn't something I could easily control. Unfortunately, I was stuck with little Edward and his carnal needs popping up at the most inappropriate times.

_Que sera, sera._

"What do you want to know, Edward?" she asked, resigned.

"Everything," I replied indifferently…keeping my playing hand from her view.

"There is no turning back once you open Pandora's Box," she stated finally, but as her last and final warning. "Are you sure that you're ready for all that?"

I rolled my eyes and openly scoffed at the absurdity of her question. "I'm not worried."

"You know, I  _will_  whip that cocky smirk right off your face," she growled, her tone turning playful as she grabbed me roughly by the chin. "Do not test me, boy."

I quirked my eyebrow at her, intrigued. "Really? Is that a threat or a promise, Mistress?"

She smiled deviously. "You just remember, when you're pleading and begging for me to stop, that you asked for all of this."

"I'm used to begging and pleading, but I would never tell you to stop. That shit is just not in my vocabulary," I replied in an even cockier tone.

My plan now was to get her all riled up, and by the way she took a handful of my hair, yanking my head roughly to the side, and nipping at the skin on my neck, I knew that I succeeded.

I hissed at the sensation and pulled myself away from her sharp teeth, placing my hands on her hips and jerking her into me. She gasped loudly, her eyes widen with shock by my forcefulness, but she refused to be out done as she picked up her game. She intertwined her fingers at the back of my neck and brought my mouth down to hers. It was insanely powerful and slowly weakening my will to fight. Her kisses were better than anything—a part from sex—but when she slipped her tongue out of her mouth and she licked me along the bottom of my lip, tracing it so effortlessly, I felt the scales tipping over…and the judges rule?

 _Necking for the win_.

Everything suddenly faded into the background as sex and promise of being with my Mistress was brought into the forefront. It was the only thing I could focus on now, and I didn't know if she was trying to distract me or if I was trying to distract her. Either way, it didn't matter to me because my thoughts were consumed with touching her smooth skin and kissing her delicious lips…

"Come," she breathed as she hooked her fingers in my pant loops and tugged me towards the stairs. "I have something to show you."


	27. Around and Around We Go

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**~Around and Around We Go~**

Bella led me upstairs towards her room, and as I stared at her swaying ass in front of me, I wondered what she was planning. When we were down in the living room, the tone of her voice and the way she grabbed me, had led me to believe that she had some naughty things on her mind.

However, when she overshot her bed by a mile and took me straight to her closet, I was a little disappointed by her turn of direction...albeit confused.

Keeping quiet, I watched as she reached in behind some of her hanging cloths and pulled out a little step ladder. She then brought it to the other side of her walk-in and unfolded it. After she spent time positioning the ladder where she wanted it, I looked up and saw where her main focus lied.

There in the far left were endless upon endless shoeboxes, stacked high to the ceilings, and what seemed like a chaotic system to me was, somehow, oddly uniformed.

The questions were rolling through my mind at a rapid succession and planting themselves on my tongue…

_What is she doing?_

Bella gave me a sideways glance as she climbed to the top step and reached up to one of the boxes. She looked unsteady as she raised herself to her tippy toes, and I was suddenly struck with panic as I imagined her losing her balance and plummeting to the floor. So, I casually strolled over to her direction and situated myself underneath her…just in case she fell.

Finally after a few worrisome minutes, Bella obtained what she was looking for and pulled down a large Steve Madden shoebox.

"Here, take this," she instructed as she handed it to me.

The weight of it was slightly heavier than I expected, and I could only imagine what sort of hidden secrets were stored in there…Well, that was if they were secrets at all. Hell, for all I knew, this box could be filled with cuffs and vibrating dildos.

Although, the way she was looking at me, all nervous and uneasy like, I had a strong feeling that it was something else entirely.

"What is this?" I asked, curious.

"It's everything you asked for, Edward," she replied somberly. "It's the good and the bad."

"Should I be scared?" I joked to ease the tension.

"I don't know," she said cocking her eyebrow at me. "Do you scare easily?"

I shook my head and lied. "Not usually."

"Well, I think you just open it and find out," she spoke encouragingly.

I pursed my lips as I fiddled with the box, still unsure whether or not I had the courage to open it.

She chuckled as she nudged me softly. "Come on, don't be a chicken, McFly. It's good. I promise."

"Okay." My voice was a little shaky as I flicked the top of the box off with my thumb.

As I stared down at the inner contents, I realized that I wasn't going to get time in the playroom like I originally hoped; instead I was going to get something far more lasting…

I was getting her.

There on the very top laid a large pile of pictures. At first, I was a little taken back and didn't know what the hell I was looking at. But as I started to sift through the photos, I saw that they were pictures of Bella when she was younger—much younger. She must've been between the various ages of two to her late teens. The dreamful brown eyes that I've obsessed over, eventually coming to know and love, were shining through each frame. It was blindingly obvious how happy and carefree she once was.

I peeked up at her and saw that she was nervously chewing her nails. It was endearing in a way and I knew she was taking a huge risk by divulging this piece of her soul to me. The pained expression on her face and the uncertainty behind her eyes told me that this was a hard limit for her. It nearly broke my resolve to see her that way. In fact, I was so tempted to hand her back the box, telling her with a straight face to forget the whole thing, and that I've suddenly changed mind.

It bothered me that Bella seemed so terrified and wary of me as I poked around in her past. I mean, it was almost like she was afraid that  _I_  was going to hurt  _her_ —as if I was capable of such a fucking thing. That line of thinking was ludicrous and laughable at best. There was no way in hell that would ever happen.

God, didn't she know by now that she was the one who held me by the balls…literally and figuratively.

I was the one who was begging her to open up to me. She was the fucking master of control. She kept her feelings and emotions locked up tight, and it would take an expert locksmith to crack that safe.

If anyone was going to get hurt, it was going to be me.

But even if she did crush me, how could I even fault her for that?

It was all she knew and what she grew accustomed to. I was the one crossing the lines of our relationship and pushing her past her comfort levels. My demands were sending us both towards the unknown as I forced her to sail these uncharted waters with me.

Now, all of her deeply hidden insecurities were rising to the surface, and it made me love her that much more.

Flaws and all.

And despite her fears of losing control and feeling vulnerable, she was still willing to sacrifice everything to show me this little piece of her. That spoke volumes of her love for me and I knew that she would never regret this decision.

As I reached towards the bottom of the heap, I came across some pictures of Bella's parents. They were like everything I imagined them to be, but not. The resemblance was clearly there. The stern scowl, she apparently got from her father, but the devastating, heartbreaking smile was her mother made over.

_God, Bella looks so much like her...absolutely beautiful._

"Charlie and Renee," she murmured when she noticed my fixation on a particular photo.

Most of the pictures of them were with their girls, but the one that stuck out to me the most was the one where they weren't even paying attention to the camera. They were staring intently at each other, completely eclipsed in their own little bubble.

"That one was taken a year or so before they died," Bella informed me.

"Car accident," I stated as matter of fact. She looked at me surprised. "Angela told me."

"Oh, I see," she said with a stiff nod. "Well, that was a long time ago and possibly the worst day of my life. After they passed away, I was pretty lost. I didn't know how I was going to make ends meet or how in the hell I was going to take care of my twelve year old sister. There were a lot of things that I did during those dark times that Angela is not aware of…and I'm not proud of any of it," she paused as she furrowed her brows together. "Which brings me to the other thing that I wanted to show you…are you ready for the bad?"

She reached out for the shoebox as I slid the top back on. There was a mischievous glimmer in her eyes, and I figured that she was trying to scare me, but even though I was aware of the game she was playing, it still didn't reduce my increasing anxiety.

_Fuck me…I want a cigarette._

"Um, yeah," I replied as I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "I think so—wait, how bad are we talking?"

"It's pretty bad" she answered with a chuckle, amused by the bobbing of my Adams Apple. "What's wrong, tough guy? Where did that brave and demanding Edward go?"

"He's here...somewhere," I told her truthfully.

"Are you sure you want to continue?" she asked dubiously. "It's a lot to take in all in one day."

"I can handle it, Bella," I said assuredly as I handed her the shoebox back.

"Okay, just don't say I didn't warn you." She gave me a smile and turned her back on me as she went to go put the box away.

I watched her closely, carefully paying attention to where she stored it. There was a particular picture of her smiling into the camera that I wanted to have. It was my chicken-shit nature to not have the courage to ask her for it. So, I'll just have to settle on being sneaky and snag it from her later.

My attention was brought back to Bella as started to climbed up that small step ladder, and once again, my protective instincts kicked in. I needed to be close enough to her so I could make myself her safety net in a moment's notice.

Thankfully, what she was looking for wasn't too high on the shelf and within a minute or so she was stepping down, handing me another box.

However, this time it was starkly different than before. First off, it wasn't the run of the mill shoebox. It was black leather with a lock and key on the front latch. It vaguely reminded me of a jewelry case, but had more of the characteristics of a safety deposit box.

The kind that people use to keep all their important items in…

Yeah, this shit was definitely Pandora's Box, and I was wondering if my need to satiate my curiosity was worth it.

"You look a little pale, Edward," Bella teased.

I laughed nervously as I held out my hand for her, helping her down and off the steps. She smiled cheekily at me as she interlocked her fingers with mine and towed me out of her closet.

As we sat down on her bed, she placed the container in between us like a peace offering. She leaned back towards her nightstand and opened the drawer. She reached in and pulled out a singular key, dangling from a long silvery chain.

"Last chance to change your mind," she warned, hanging the solution to my salvation right in front of me.

My eyes followed it as it lazily swung from left to right. It was hypnotizing. Bella kept her gaze firmly on me as I searched within the deep recesses of my brain, looking for a reason why I wouldn't want her to open it. After a few seconds of deliberation, I came back more eager to see what sort of secrets she was hiding in that box. The need to know what was in there was great and it was no longer just a simple want with me. It was a God damned necessity.

I had to fucking know.

"No need. I'm sure about this," I said decisively.

"Alright," she said skeptically as she inserted the key and opened it.

She then turned the box towards me as I shifted my weight on the bed, scooting closer to the long awaited truth. She lifted the lid up just as I was peering down at it. Instead of being greeted by family pictures, I was met with a delicate gold chain. The little trinket that was attached to the chain had the initials 'ASV' scribed on it. It was Bella's collar from the days when she was Aro's submissive...that I was fucking sure of.

My throat constricted as the possessiveness and jealousy crept in, overtaking my logical thinking. The anger for this man was reaching a fever pitch and as if I couldn't hate the fucker more, I noticed the photos that were underneath Bella's collar.

It made my blood boil.

The stack of Polaroid's was of Bella in the most compromising positions. The scenes in these shots were very familiar to me, and I recognized them right away. It was obviously taken at Aro's club, and just like what I witnessed the other night with that other female submissive, Bella was tied and bound to a bench. She was bent over and completely exposed for the world to see, as her Dom, Aro, towered over her in a menacing manner.

They were the main fucking attraction.

"Consensual, right?" I asked through my gritted teeth as I shot my eyes up at her.

"More or less," Bella answered indifferently.

I continued to go through the box and there were more pictures of Bella as a submissive. It was hard for me to conceive her as this person. It was so unlike the woman that I knew now. There was a sadness and void in her eyes.

It was quite unsettling.

There was only so much I was willing to take and I just about reached my fucking limit.

"I can't look at these anymore," I grunted as I tossed the pictures back in their container and closed my eyes tightly shut as I pushed the box back towards her.

There were a few more oddities at the bottom, even a God damned video tape, but I was fucking done.

"Seen enough?" she asked.

"Why do you keep all that?" I was beyond baffled.

She closed the lid and sighed heavily. "I keep these as reminders. I don't want to forget where I'd been and how I got to where I am today. My days with Aro were painful and mostly spent in fear, but he has made me a stronger person."

"No, he made you a closed off person, Bella," I stated sharply.

"That flaw you see in me is a shield, Edward," she corrected me in a soft and patient tone. "It protects me from all the bullshit in this world—from all the needless hurt."

The only thing I could see at that moment as I stared into her tired eyes was the image of her bruised and battered…

He was a monster, not some savior!

_How in the fuck do I forget something like that?_

"Is he doing this kind of shit to Angela?" I asked, appalled.

"Yeah. Most likely," she answered sadly.

"Why isn't this fucker dead?" I hissed.

"Because it doesn't seem like she's hurt by him yet, and I need him," Bella said simply.

"Why in the fuck do you need this sadistic asshole?" I asked angrily.

"Because he's been a vital asset to my business, Edward. If it wasn't for him, I would've never had the money to get it off the ground and running. I owe him more than I could ever possibly repay him. Its why I still stay in contact with him. He knows he has me in that aspect."

"So, you were his submissive for all those years and endured all that pain because of money?" I asked, crushed. "God, if that's all you needed, Bella, I could've —"

"You could've what, Edward?" She interrupted, offended. "Are you going to be my sugar daddy now and start giving me money?"

Well, when she says it like that…

"In a fucking heart beat."

She placed her hand on my cheek to calm me. "I know how disturbing these pictures must be for you, but that's the lifestyle. It's not out of the norm for a sub to have these marks on their skin. It's the way most S&M couples behave. It's the way Aro likes to live...how he chooses to conduct himself as a Dominant. I just didn't want to be his submissive anymore. I wanted to be the one who was in control of my life. I'm the one who change. I'm the one who decided I wanted more for me and I saw that being a Dominatrix was who I was meant to be. It's why I left him."

"And he allowed you to leave?" I asked cynically. "Just like that?"

She pressed her lips into a tight line, and I knew that she was starting to lose her patience with me, but I was fuming and I couldn't control my mouth.

I wanted that man dead.

_How can she fucking blame me?_

"What was he going to do, huh? Chain me to the bed?" She may have been joking, but I didn't find it funny. She groaned. "Look, Edward, Aro may be a cruel Dom, but he would've never kept me there against my will. He just makes you believe that you would be lost without him. It's that mind fuckery that he does that keeps a submissive there and chained to him. He crawls into your brain, implants his ideas, and watches them fester. The truth is that he's a sadist. He gets off on the pain he inflicts—which would've been fine by me if I was a masochist, but turns out that I am the furthest from that."

"Are you a sadist?" I blurted out.

She cocked her head to the side and smirked. "Do I seem like a sadist, Edward?"

"The truth?" I hedged, being very careful with my words.

"Please," she urged.

As I thought back to the times in our brief relationship and how she behaved as my Domme, I'd never saw that sort of sick gleam in her eyes like I'd seen in Aro's. Even though I met the man once and it was just for a minute—if that—it was all the time I needed to know that he was one twisted fuck.

I continued. "No, I don't think you are. Do you see yourself as one?"

She snorted, shaking her head. "No, not even close. Let me put it this way, if I was a sadist, I sure as hell wouldn't have let you have an orgasm, Edward…Well, let's get serious, if I were a proper Domme to you, I would've never have let you come to full completion. You have no idea how gentle and kind I've been. Do you even realize how many of my own rules that I've broken with you?"

I narrowed my eyes at her disbelievingly. "Victoria said that you don't break rules."

"She would be right." She laughed when she saw the puzzled look on my face. "You have to understand that before you, Edward, I was insanely committed to my role as a Domme. I've set some pretty strict guidelines for my Domina's and me to follow. No one—especially me—dared to break these rules. It was that cut and dry. But ever since you wormed your way into my life…I just..." she shrugged, "I don't know. I kind of just started to bend the rules to suit my liking."

She averted her eyes from mine and I smirked at her. Man, she looked so fucking hot all guilt ridden and shit. It pleased to me to know that she did things out character because she wanted to be with me. All those times I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, it was nice to know that I wasn't alone. She needed me as much as I needed her...but it got me wondering.

"What else have you done with me that you wouldn't have normally done with your submissives?" I asked.

"The truth?"

"Fucking please."

She laughed. "Well, the swearing is one if the things I overlook when it comes to you."

"Shit, I'm sorry," I grimaced.

She shook her head, smiling. "Its fine, Edward. I mean, it's who you are, and honestly, you only seem to do it when it's just us. When we're being Edward and Bella. I've noticed that you don't do it when you're in that submissive mode. You're too well behaved to be so disrespectful to your Mistress," she said appraisingly.

"I really like being your submissive…that's who I am," I stated sincerely.

"I know," she replied lovingly as she caressed my cheek.

"What else do I do that annoys you?" I asked, oddly excitedly.

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. "Why do you want to know these things?"

"So I can at least attempt to not do them anymore. If I would've known about the smoking, it wouldn't have taken me so long to quit." My honesty was shocking me now. It was like I lost my fucking filter.

_Ah, well._

"You quit smoking?" she asked, surprised.

"Of course," I stated like that fact was obvious.

"But how did you that…Angela told you, huh?" she surmised.

"Yeah, this morning. Why didn't you say something to me, Bella?"

"I was getting close to talking with you about it. I was only willing to tolerate you smelling like an ashtray for a few more days before I approached you and demanded that you quit," she answered blunt and honestly.

It fucking stung a bit to hear that she thought I smelled badly, especially since I went through my entire bottle of Burberry Touch to mask the scent. It was a little eye-opener and I really wished she would've told me sooner.

Gods knows I wouldn't have pockets filled with cigarette butts right now if she did.

_Fuck. I wonder what I must smell like to her now..._

"Anything else you want to deflate my ego with?" I asked sourly.

"Edward Cullen with a deflated ego?" she gasped mockingly.

"Why is that such a shock?" I asked, floored.

She made it sound like I was this huge egoistical monster…

"You've always seemed pretty sure of yourself, Edward. The only time I've ever seen your humility was when I've had you bound to my bedposts," she said seductively as she leaned over towards me and brushed her lips lightly over mine. "Do you have any idea how turned on I am by you when you submit to me?"

"No," I said gruffly.

"Hmm, somehow I doubt that. There are so many things I want to do with you, pet," she purred as she pushed the box off the bed and sending its contents spilling all over the floor.

"Like what, Mistress," I grunted as she slid her hand over my growing erection.

"I want to push you so past your comfort zone and reset your limits," she breathed.

My eyes were closed now as I felt her mouth move along my jaw, nipping and kissing at the skin. She already had me under her spell and if she kept up her ruthless assault on my senses, I knew that I would be putty in her hands.

Anything she wanted from me would be hers…All she needed to do was say the fucking word.

"Yeah?" I groaned.

"Is that something you would want, pet?" she asked coyly, wrapping her arms around my neck and positioning herself on my lap. She leaned down and whispered into my ear. "Would you like to play with me?"

"More than anything, Mistress," I replied as I squeezed her small hips and bucked my hips into her.

"Are you willing to do anything I want, pet?"

"Yes," I replied eagerly.

She pulled back from me and looked me straight in the eyes, her pupils darkening with lust. "Anything?"

"Just tell me what you want me to do."

"Come with me," she said with a devious grin as she got off my lap and grabbed me by the hand.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

My Mistress was vicious and she was cruel, but she was fucking sexy. She stood in front of me, half-naked in just her bra and panties, clutching her purple flogger. It was her weapon of choice and I was more than willing to be on the other end of that toy. She stared at me as I kept my gaze locked on her. There was a sly smile playing on her lips, and as she casually tapped the flogger against her palm, I saw the fierce dominance behind her eyes.

This was her realm and this was where she belonged.

"You remember our safe words, pet?" she asked.

I nodded and mumbled out the colors of our safe words through my ball gag. She laughed as she saw my difficulty. Apparently, it was a trick question and she wasn't really looking for an actual answer.

_Evil minx._

"I'll take it easy on you," she assured me.

I shook my head vigorously and struggled against my constraints as I laid bent over one of her various benches in her playroom. My difference of opinion on the matter came out muffled by the gag that was shoved in my mouth, but I wanted to express how her playing nice was the last thing I fucking wanted.

When she promised to push me past my limits, I was excited for it. The pain was something I enjoyed more than anything. My Mistress' whips weren't something I feared. In fact, whenever she struck me with her flogger across my ass and eliciting a sharp stinging sensation, I would nearly come on the spot. The gratifying agony that reverberated throughout my whole body was a drug and I needed more.

Usually my Mistress was more than willing to compensate me in my cravings for that sweet and pleasurable ache. She always promised me that she would inflict so much pain that I would cry, beg, and even plead for her to stop. But little did she know how much insides were on fire, and how all I ever wanted at those moments was to yell for her to whip me harder.

I needed to express all of the wanton that I had for her because she didn't know.

How could she?

I was a man who wanted to feel the sweet escape of those leather fringes as they left those red welts along my sweaty flesh.

It wasn't normal—I wasn't normal—but in those moments when she bent me over the bench, lashing me over and over... I was finally me.

"Ssh," she hushed me as she pressed her ample breasts into my face. "I have another surprise for you."

She circled around to my backside and out of my view. I tried to listen as closely as I could to her movements, but it was practically impossible. She was too quiet for my liking and no matter how hard I focused; I was going to come up empty. The surprise that she promised had me on abated breath, and as the seconds ticked by, I was slowly growing impatient.

God, this woman was fucking killing me. My cock was already throbbing past the point of being slightly painful. It was all I could do not to rub the poor guy against the bench just to get some fucking friction.

But refrained and behaved as I continued to remain silent...I was completely and utterly at her whim.

"I'm going to blindfold you, pet," she whispered into my ear as she placed a silky fabric over my eyes.

I was engulfed in total darkness and now was the third sense I was going without. The only thing I had left at my disposal was my sense of smell, touch, and hearing.

"I'm going to ease you into this, pet, slowly and gently," she cooed as I felt her hands caress my bare back. "As before, the rules haven't changed, and you're forbidden to come unless I tell you. Is that clear?"

I nodded.

"Shall we get started?" She bit me on the neck  _hard_  and I dug my teeth into the rubber ball.

Bent over a bench with my legs spread, blindfolded, and gagged left me feeling pretty fucking helpless, but all the more turned on. There was something about the ropes digging into my flesh, the pain and uncertainty of my Mistress' next move that got me close breaking her rule.

At this point, one small thing was going to send me over the edge.

Deciding to relax and enjoy whatever my Mistress decided to bestow upon me, I felt my body slack. My hearing was attuned to everything in the room and I could hear her over at the wall of toys. She had quite a collection and before she tied me up, I snuck in a few glances. There were a few whips, one or two canes, and the majority of her collection was floggers. The fringe devils were her go-to toy, and if I was to be honest, I liked them the best.

However, my keen sense of hearing and my photographic memory of my surroundings never had prepared me for what happened next.

"Just relax," she said softly.

_Okay…_

My Mistress' placed one of her hands on my left ass cheek as the other one slipped in between my crack. It startled the fuck out of me and I jerked my body away from the intrusion. The cold jelly that she was trying to put on my hole was now all over the outside of my ass.

_What the…_

"Baby, it's okay," she murmured into my ear. "I'm just going to do is insert my fingers and press on your prostate."

_Code red! Code red!_

The thought of Bella going back there…well, it kind of freaked me out. I was an ass virgin in all sense of the word and I didn't know if I was going to be comfortable with something like that.

When she said she wanted to 'push me past my limits', I didn't think she meant 'anally'.

But there wasn't much I actually could do about it...

The ropes were too tight and I couldn't move.

The ball gag was firmly in my mouth and I couldn't speak.

The blindfold was covering my eyes and I couldn't see.

The fact was that she was in control and I was her submissive. If my Mistress wanted to stick her fingers in my asshole, I was obliged to let her do it…right?

Fuck, in a way, I practically gave her permission.

Hell, who knows, I might actually like it.

"Okay, I think it's best if I take off your gag, pet," she said as she unbuckled it and removed it from my mouth. "I keep on forgetting that you're still a newbie."

I yawned and attempted to stretch the sides of my mouth out, hoping to get the stiffness out from having the gag in for so long.

"Thank you, Mistress," I said gratefully.

"I'm going to talk you through this step by step, pet, but I need you to verbalize to me when something becomes too uncomfortable for you, okay?"

"Yes, Mistress," I replied, breathing heavily as tried to calm my nerves.

The faith and the trust that I had in my Mistress was slowly overshadowing my anxiety.

"Okay, I am going to apply some lube," she said as her fingers slipped in between my ass cheeks again, smearing the cold lubrication over my hole.

Well, that was…that wasn't too bad.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, concerned.

"So far so good," I stated truthfully.

"That's good," she said, pleased. "Alright, baby, I am going to slowly insert a single finger into your anus. I'm going to need you to take a deep breath to relax you sphincter," she instructed.

"Okay," I croaked.

And just as I took a deep breath, Bella slipped her finger into my butthole, and I flinched.

"Relax," she said soothingly as she made little circles around my anus with her thumb.

Inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, I felt the tension in my backside slowly start to dissipate.

"Do you think you can handle another more finger?" she asked me warily.

"Um," I hesitated.

The truth was that it didn't feel horrible—in fact, I was actually enjoying the feel of it. That realization made me feel perverted and…a little gay. It was ignorant of me to question my sexuality solely based on someone sticking their fingers into me, but I was a guy, and that shit was fucking engrained in me since puberty.

Thankfully, it only took me a few seconds to get my rational thinking back. I reminded myself that I was a straight man, and the gorgeous woman who was standing behind me fucking proved that…

To have a sexually arousing and fierce Dominatrix giving me a little anal play wasn't fucking gay—not in the slightest.

It was exactly what my Mistress promised me. She was taking me on a euphoric ride of pleasures and thrusting me beyond my normal limits.

Fuck me, I wanted more.

"Yes, please, Mistress." I managed to muster out.

"Mmm," she hummed as she inserted her second finger, "I knew you would like this, pet."

It was slow and shallow at first as my Mistress started moving her fingers in and out of me. It was far more pleasurable than I expected it to be. She continued her ministrations by making circular motions along the walls of my anus and when I felt her fingers gently press against my prostate, I let out a massive and embarrassing moan.

"Ungh." All the muscles in my body tensed.

She quickly removed her fingers from me. "That should be enough for now."

"What?" I replied a little discombobulated.

"Well, I don't want to take you completely out of commission, pet. I still have plans for you," she told me as she tapped me lightly on the ass. "Let's get you released and put some aftercare on you. I want to move this little party of ours to a different venue."

As my Mistress untied me from my constraints, my excitement for what was to come was washing away my disappointment for not coming. The idea that she nearly made me orgasm by penetrating me anally had opened my eyes to the countless possibilities.

It made me chuckle how full of surprises my Mistress was…

_Fucking minx._

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Her lips crashed against mine the moment she led me back to my room. The intent to devour me whole was very clear and I happily obliged her. My cock was pressed against her bare stomach as she pushed me back towards the center of my room. My hands tightly gripping her petite hips, pressing her into me even more.

"Overzealous as usual," she growled as she forcefully shoved me back on to my bed.

I stared up at her wide eyes as she perched herself between my parted legs, running her hands up my bare thighs. My head fell back as I relished in the way she was touching me. Her hair was falling on to my chest, slightly tickling my skin, and she was so close. The scent radiating off her smelled so good. It was a mixture of vanilla ice cream and strawberry toppings. She was my own personal sundae and I was dying to get a taste.

"Bella," I grunted, shifting my hips up and meeting her awaiting hand.

She gripped my cock firmly and immediately elicited a hiss from me. The soft and agonizing strokes of her wrist were breaking my will to stay strong. All I wanted to do was attack her and consume her with my mouth.

Unfortunately, I was bound by her rules and I wouldn't dare break them.

"Behave, pet," she warned as she leaned over, dipping her tongue out, and idly ran it across my stomach and slowly moving it up my body.

 _Fuck! I can't!_ I internally rambled.

My hands clutched at the satin sheets, digging my nails into the delicate fabric as I fought against the powerful impulse to grope her shamelessly.

It was maddening that she refused to let me have any sort of contact her—well, other than her hands on me—but how did she expect me not to touch her?

My Mistress wasn't a fool, and she knew exactly how to make me suffer.

The simple act of not allowing me to feel her silky skin was the worst kind of torture.

 _Be strong, asshole!_ I mentally castigated myself.

Bella was practically straddling me now. Her perfect titties were in my face, relentlessly teasing me, and her ass was just inches from my dick. The strength that I was able to conjure to keep my hands to myself was astonishing, but my perfect restraint was weakening, and wasn't going to last very long.

"Lay back towards the head of the bed," she breathed against my parted lips.

"Yes, Mistress," I replied.

Doing as she requested, I was lying flat on my back with my head on one of the pillows. My hands were by my sides and as I watched her crawl on the bed towards me, I felt my cock twitch in response.

She bit down on her lip as she sized me up, looking like a fucking lioness that was going to eat me alive. She placed her hand over my cock again and as I moaned loudly. It was in that moment when I didn't think her touch couldn't get any better; she decided time to wrap her lips around it.

_Holy fuck!_

My head thrashed wildly and banged up against the wooden headboard pretty hard. She continued to slide her mouth up and down my shaft; creating this insurmountable amount of pleasure…It was fucking insane.

It was such indescribable feeling and I no longer had any coherent thoughts. All I knew was that my Mistress—my Bella—was giving me head.

It was great fucking head, too.

The way her tongue licked along the slit of my penis as she stroked my dick from base to tip was unbelievable, and like a thirteen year old boy who couldn't last longer than five seconds, I was nearing to completion.

No! I can't…It was too fucking quick.

"Bella, I'm close," I moaned, shifting my hips upwards, and inadvertently driving my dick in her mouth and hitting the back of her throat.

_Damn._

That wasn't helping my situation.

Bella removed her mouth from me and looked up at me, smirking. "Were you going to come in my mouth, pet?"

My eyes bulged out of my skull and I couldn't believe that she said that. It was so fucking hot.

"Shit, woman, you have no idea," I said, panting heavily.

She smiled mischievously as she propped herself up and made her way up to me. "Well, that's exactly where I want you to be…on the very edge."

"God, are you trying to kill me?" I groaned.

"Definitely not before I have my way with you," she said as she grabbed a firm hold of my dick and positioned herself right above me.

Watching her in awe, she rubbed the head of my cock between her slick lips, moistening the tip. She then posed me at her entrance, easing down on it inch by inch, until I was filling her to the hilt.

"Fuck," I cursed quietly, my eyes rolling back in my head.

Bella sat on me completely still, her walls clenching around my dick. He twitched inside of her eagerly, begging for her to start moving and creating some needed friction.

"There are only two rules, pet," she stated as she grabbed me by the jaw and getting my attention. "Keep your hands to yourself and you don't come unless I tell you to. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Good." She smiled.

She then began to rock her hips. It was slow and sensual at first, keeping a smooth rhythm. She kept her eyes on me as we stared at each other.

It was quiet.

The only sounds to be heard was the smacking of our skin as Bella picked up her pace. The soft moans emanating from my Mistress were barely above a whisper. It was sexy, erotic, and I felt the muscles in my stomach tighten.

"Edward," she whimpered.

Bella placed her hands on my chest, her hips rotating on my cock, and causing me to whip my head backwards.

She was seriously trying to kill me.

_Fuck!_

Bella arched her back and I bit down on my tongue, fighting the urge to touch her. She placed her arms over her head, stretching her torso further back as she reached her hands towards the ceiling. I watched her in awe as she rolled her hips vigorously, and I could feel her body slowly pulling my dick back along with her…

_**POP!** _

At first there was just that loud snapping noise, causing my head jerk upright, and looking at her with confusion. She was staring down at me and there was a horrific look in her eyes. That was when things got fucked and I began to feel the most excruciating pain imaginable. The sharp, searing throbbing that reverberated throughout my cock was pulsating to an explosive level, and I couldn't control the loud screeching that came out of my mouth.

" _Red_!" I yelled. "Oh, shit, oh, shit, there is something wrong."

Bella jumped off me at the same time that I sat up in the bed and we both stared down at my flaccid penis. It was fucking cock-eyed and pointing to the left. I wasn't a God damned doctor, but even I knew that an L-shaped dick wasn't fucking normal.

"Fuck me," I hissed as the pain continued to grow. "What the fuck…is it broken?" I asked incredulously, looking up at her for some answers.

She sat frozen, her eyes glued to my cock, and a look of guilt all over her face.

"Bella, is it broken?" I asked again, shaking her gently on the shoulder.

Her head snapped up. "I'll go get some ice." Was all she said as she got off the bed and ran out of the room.

My teeth clenched as I grasped onto the sheets, trying to control my mind from losing it. But with every second that passed my cock swelled more and more, turning into a dark purple color, and starting to become unrecognizable to me.

Yeah, I needed to get to the fucking hospital...Stat!

"Bella," I called my voice raspy and strained as I carefully tried to get up from the bed.

Unfortunately, every time I moved, even just an inch, it sent a shooting pain through the base of my penis, and I was doubled over wrapping my arms around my stomach, hoping to relieve it somehow. Fuck, nothing was helping and it was only getting worse. I knew I couldn't just fucking sit there wishing that it would fix itself, I needed to suck it up, be a man, and get my fucking ass to the damn emergency room. God only knows what sort of consequences I would suffer if I stayed put…

Fuck…What if they have to amputate?

"BELLA!" I yelled again, but now my voice was on the verge of hysteria.

Moments later, she came rushing back into the room. She was wearing a long t-shirt that covered her small frame and holding a large kitchen towel in her hand. It was all bunched up and bulged at the bottom. I assumed that she wrapped the towel around something that was packed full of ice.

She took a large stride across the room, holding out the icepack to me. She gazed down at my penis for just a fraction of a second and gasped loudly. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"I know." I grimaced.

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath to calm her frazzled nerves. "Look, we need to get you dressed as quickly as possible. Do you have any sweats you can wear…you know, something that isn't as tight as jeans?" she asked as she walked into my closet and started rummaging through it.

"Um, yeah, but they're not in my closet," I said louder than I initially intended, but it got her attention, and she came back out with one of my hooded sweatshirts thrown over her shoulder and my sneakers clasped in her hand. "The sweats are in the bottom drawer, but they're not sweats, though, their more like gym shorts."

"Gym shorts," she murmured as she went over to my dresser and started digging around in the bottom drawer. "A-ha!" she boasted as she pulled out a pair of my silver Nike shorts and stood up from her crouch.

She came back over to me with her hands full and a complete outfit for me to wear—sans boxer shorts, of course.

"Alright, let's get you dressed," she said as she helped me slip into the gray sweatshirt. She then straightened the collar, zipping me up nice and tight. She glanced up at me, concern marring her beautiful features. "Can you stand?"

"Um, yeah, I think so," I said as I removed the icepack from my aching crotch and placed both hands on each side of me, giving myself a big push off the bed.

"You're okay," she soothed, placing her hands on my waist and steadied me as she assisted me on putting on my gym shorts...one leg at a time.

"Fuck," I grunted as the back of her hand slightly grazed my swollen cock.

"I know you're in pain, Edward, but I need you to place the icepack on your penis to slow down the swelling, okay?" She picked it up from the bed and handed it back to me.

I gulped loudly as I gently put the makeshift cold compress over my poor junk.

"I'm going to go get dressed really quick and then we'll take you to the hospital, okay? Now, can you get downstairs on your own or do you think you'll need my help?" she asked sweetly, cupping my cheek tenderly.

"I think I can manage it on my own. It's not hurting so much anymore and I think my adrenaline has finally kicked in," I assured her.

"Okay. Give me five minutes, Edward," she said holding up her hand, splaying all of her fingers. "Five minutes, Okay?"

"Yeah." I bobbed my head.

She gave me a parting smile as she dashed out of my room and headed across the hall. Slipping my sneakers on, I soon followed her out and reaching out for the top banister of the stairs a second later.

"Ah, fuck me," I cried.

The pain was lessening and the coldness of the ice was feeling good, but I wasn't all that confident about going down the stairs. If something was to happen and I stumbled over my gigantic, clown sized feet, I don't know if I'd survive the trauma.

Hell, the last thing I needed right now was to fall.

Well, my dick wasn't going to fix itself and I needed to stop being such a fucking pussy. Granted, my will to live was brutally severed and I didn't know if I'd be able to recover from something like this…I mean, my cock was pointing west and looking like a fucking eggplant.

I was not freaking out.

Jesus, I was freaking out.

"Shit," I cursed as I grabbed a hold of the banister tightly and slowly made my way down the steep stairs.

It was hard trying to balance the icepack on my dick and my body from swaying, but eventually, I made it safely down. Glancing back up, I saw Bella's head peek out a she came rushing around the corner. She was wearing form-fitting jeans and tight tee…looking really hot, and if I had a working penis, I'd be hard right now.

"Yeah, nice job, Cullen," I said loudly as I winced from the pain.

Apparently my dick didn't get the memo and was trying to rise to the occasion…big fucking mistake.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, fret with worry as she sprinted to my side. "Is it getting worse?"

"No," I lied. "We should go."

"Okay," she said as she hooked her arm with mine, grabbing my hand and walking us, slowly, towards the door.

The sun bright and cheerful sun was shining high over the Chicago noon sky as we made our way to her car. It was barely past twelve in the afternoon and I wondered what sort of sick pervert breaks his dick during the mid-day…this shit was not normal.

Comfortably seated in her Audi with the heater on low, she helped me buckle my belt, and slowly pulled out of the drive. The icepack was securely on my crotch as I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. It was unbelievable that this shit was actually happening to me.

"How are you feeling?" Bella asked through her muffled chuckles.

I glanced over at her and saw her shoulders' shaking…it was fucking obvious that she was trying to contain her laughter.

"This shit isn't funny," I told her grimly.

"I know," she replied, still giggling. "I just…I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing."

"Bella," I pouted, "you realize you broke my fucking dick, right? The shit is fucking side-ways."

She snorted loudly, covering her mouth with her hand, and shaking her head. "I know it's not funny, Edward. Believe me."

"Then why are you laughing?" I asked suspiciously.

Bella peeked over me out of the corner of her eye, biting her bottom lip, and looking as guilty as sin. "Because I broke your love stick." She busted out laughing…once again.

_Love stick?_

I scrunched up my nose and glared at her. "I really don't see the comical side of all this."

"It's not funny," she amended quickly, peeking over at me out of the corner of her eye. "Honestly, it's really not, and I'm sorry for laughing. I'm done. I swear. Scouts honor." She gave me an encouraging smile as she took my free hand and held it.

The rest of the car ride to the hospital was spent with me slouched in my seat, my sweatshirt hood over my head, and firmly holding the icepack to my nuts. I wasn't sure if the swelling or bruising had gone down any, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't really want to look to find out. There wasn't anything I could do to try the help the situation as it was and my whole focus was concentrating on not flipping the fuck out.

There was only so much a man could take.

After twenty minutes, Bella pulled her Audi into the emergency department at the Chicago Metro. The large building was casting shadows over the parking lot, blocking the afternoon sun, and creating a welcoming shade. I groaned loudly when the hospital came into view and I was really unhappy that we were there, but it was the nearest medical facility, and in considering my current situation, I wasn't exactly in the best position to be all choosy.

My poor little guy needed medical attention, plain and simple.

"Okay, we're here," Bella sighed as she put the car in park and reached out to caress me on my cheek. "How are you feeling?"

Her soft touch was comforting and I allowed myself to lean into her.

"It still kills," I stated truthfully, "and the pain is starting to increase in intensity again. I'm thinking the ice was what kept it at bay for so long." I held up the plastic zip-lock bag that Bella had was once packed full of ice, but now was nothing but a big bag of sloshing water.

"How does it look?" she asked me curiously, leaning over the car seat.

"I don't want to know."

"Do you mind?" she asked tentatively, her fingers already on the hem of my shorts.

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes. "Go for it. Just don't tell me how bad it is."

"I won't," she said as I felt her stretch the waistband and I forced myself not to look—I couldn't handle it. After a few moments, she replaced my shorts back and rubbed me soothingly on my arm. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," I replied.

We sped walked through the vast parking lot hand and hand, rushing to get out of this fucking weather. As we neared the entrance, I could feel my cheeks enflaming and becoming quite flush with my growing embarrassment.

I couldn't fucking believe that I was here for this shit…

_Only my stinking luck._

As we entered the through the double sliding doors, I was grateful to see that the ER wasn't busy. There were only about five to ten people gathered in the waiting room and none of their ailments seemed too dire. There were a few folks with bandaged limbs, but most of them were suffering cold symptoms: sneezing, coughing, and hands filled with tissues. Hell, the way I figured it, as long there wasn't some Joe-blow with a massive head injury, I was pretty sure my problem took precedence over everyone else.

Approaching the closest nurses' desk, I locked eyes with a heavyset woman with dark features who, through her short-choppy hair that covered her eyes, was staring us down. She was wearing a scowl that not only chilled my bones, but totally contradicted the bright, happy-go-lucky pink scrubs that she was wearing.

Her name tag read:  _Sheila_.

"Hello, ma'am," I said politely as Bella and I leaned against the counter. "How are you doing today?"

There was no need to start off on a bad foot.

"What's the problem?" Sheila replied in a flat tone without ever glancing up.

"Um," I hesitated, searching what was left of my brain and trying to find the right way to explain my problem in a discreet and delicate manner. "Well, you see, I have this problem…um, you know…" I cleared my throat as I pointed downward. Sheila finally looked up at me and raised her eyebrow questioningly. I leaned in closer to whisper, "down there."

"Sir," she huffed annoyed as she slammed her folder closed, "I am going to need you to be clearer with me. What sort of my problem are you having,  _'Down there'_?"

I swallowed thickly. "Um, I kind of have…Well; I mean to say is that—"

"He broke his dick," Bella finished.

Sheila's eyes bulged out of her skull and I shot an incredulous look over at Bella. She gave me an encouraging smile, and even though I was somewhat grateful that she said something—especially since I was unable to—I still shocked by how blunt she was.

"Wait; let me get this straight, you broke your dick, sir? Do I have that right?" Sheila mocked. She wasn't even trying to hide the fact that she was fucking laughing at me.

"Yes, that's right," I answered through my clenched teeth, trying to keep my cool.

"Oh, boy, that's a new one," Sheila snorted as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "How did you break your dick, sir?"

Wow.

Her unprofessionalism was starting to really piss me off, and that was quite unfortunate because when I'm angry, I see nothing but red.

Playing nice was longer an option.

"By fucking," I growled.

"Edward," Bella scolded as she slapped me on my arm.

"What?" I asked baffled. "I'm sorry, Bella, but this bit—" I cut myself off, taking a deep and calming breath. "Can we just get in to see the doctor, please?"

"Sure," Sheila barked as she reached down in one of her drawers and pulled out admissions papers. "Do you have insurance, Mister…?"

"Cullen," I finished for her. "My name is Edward Cullen, and yes, I have insurance."

"Edward?" I heard a familiar voice call me from behind.

 _Ah, fuck,_ I inwardly cringed.

Slowly turning around, I was met with the crystal blues of my father. He stood a mere foot away from Bella and me in the waiting room, shock displayed heavily on his face.

"Hey, Dad," I waved bashfully. "What are you doing in the ER? Don't you usually work strictly on the fifth floor?"

"ER was shorthanded today and they asked if I would help out," he answered automatically.

"What are the odds?" I laughed cynically.

_Knowing my fucking luck…I would say that they were pretty fucking good._

He took a step towards us, scanning me up and down, searching for any sort of trauma. "Why are you here, son? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's no big deal really," I replied, waving him off. "I'm actually here because of; um…of a cold. It's really bad head and chest cold." I covered my mouth and coughed loudly for dramatic effect.

Shelia scoffed from behind me. "Broken dick is the worst case of the cold I'd ever seen."

I swung around and glared at her. "Really, Sheila? What the hell? Haven't you ever heard of ' _HIPAA'_?" I asked furious. Her eyes widen as she was reminded of a little law that protected patient privacy. I smirked smugly, snatching the paperwork and clipboard from her hands. "Yeah, you didn't think I knew about that, did ya? Thanks for your help."

Grumbling under my breath and going on about how I could fucking sue her ass, I waddled towards one of the sofas in the lounge with my dad hot on my heel as he and Bella trailed behind me. I was trying to think of something on the fly to tell him as I sat down. Sheila kind of took the awkward reveal out of my hands, but I still had to deal with that uncomfortable conversation of explaining the 'how' to him. I'm sure he was well aware of the mechanics of sex, but I was mostly hoping that he would believe that I fell.

Somehow I doubted he would.

"Edward..." my dad said carefully as he placed his hand on my shoulder, "did you suffer a penile fracture, son?"

"Um...I think so, but I honestly don't know. I was kind of hoping to get in to see a doctor so he could shine some light on the subject," I replied frankly, amazed that the conversation was going along a lot easier than I initially anticipated.

He nodded as he glanced over at Bella out of the corner of his eye, and I felt like such a jackass.

"God, I'm sorry; this is my dad, Carlisle, and Dad, this is, uh…"

_My tutor, Bella…_

_My friend, Bella…_

_My Mistress, Bella…_

"Hi, sir," Bella interjected sweetly as she reached over me and shook my father's hand. "My name's Bella. I'm Edward's girlfriend."

_Or there's that._


	28. Preaching To the Choir

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**~Preaching To the Choir~**

Ten minutes later, Bella and I were sitting, somewhat, comfortably in one of the private suites located in the emergency and trauma department. I was grimacing from the pain and Bella was seated across from me, seemingly relaxed. She looked completely unfazed by everything, staring up at the forty inch plasma as she flipped idly through the TV channels. There was zero trace of anxiety in her features, almost as if she didn't have a care in the world...

But I knew better.

After the quick introductions with my father, he ushered us into this rather large, incredibly ostentatious hospital room—an obvious perk to being the son of one their top surgeon's—where we both sat in silence. We really hadn't said much to each other, but I had a hunch that we were both thinking about the same thing.

_My name is Bella. I'm Edward's girlfriend…_

The way she introduced herself to my father was still so fucking surreal to me, and unless my flaccid and misshapen dick had cut off all the oxygen going to my brain, there was no mistaken it...she said she was my girlfriend.

Therefore, I was her boyfriend.

Perhaps, I was looking too much into it…

To be honest, even though I always hounded her to express her feelings for me, I never really believed that we actually cross that road, venturing into that far away land of committed relationships.

First of all, Bella was way too fucking stubborn to ever admit that we were something more, and secondly, she kind of led me to believe, for a long time, that our bond was, sort of, one sided.

Now she was claiming that she was my girlfriend.

Hell, if all it took was for my poor dick to go pop and morph into a letter in the alphabet—making my shit practically unrecognizable—for her to finally label me as more than just her submissive, I would've broken it gladly….and probably a hell of a lot sooner.

"Bella," I started to say as I shifted on the bed, but I was immediately cut off mid-sentence as a sharp twinge shot throughout the base of my penis. I gripped the itchy and extremely flammable sheets within my fingers, breathing heavily through my nostrils, hoping to distract myself from the excruciating pain. "Fuck."

Okay, I changed my mind.

The pain was fucking ridiculous and it hurt way too much for it to actually be worth it.

"Are you okay?" she asked frantically as she clicked off the TV and jumped up from her chair, placing her cool hand on my cheek.

"Yeah, I'm good," I lied through my labored pants.

She looked at me unconvinced as she pushed my hair away from my damp forehead. I gave her a small smile, in an effort to portray that I was more than fine, but she didn't believe me in the slightest.

Eventually she realized that there was no getting through to me, nodding her head in resignation as she sat back down.

"You're incorrigible, do you know that?" she stated.

"That's like the pot calling the kettle black." I laughed.

"Keep it up, smartass, and I won't think twice about breaking something else on you," Bella threatened playfully.

I threw my hands up in mock surrender. "Yes, ma'am. I'll behave. I promise."

"You better." She winked.

The moment I got the courage in me to ask her about the girlfriend comment, the nurse came strolling into the room to take my vitals. She was a tiny little thing, barely five foot, and chattering like a chipmunk on crack as she went on and on about my upcoming treatment. She handed me a gown to slip into and informed me that my doctor—that being my father —would be in shortly to see me. He also ordered her to issue me some pain medication to ease my discomfort and to get me started on an IV; yadda, yadda, yadda.

My mind went blank and I lost all interest in what she was saying. I blocked most of that shit out. My sole focus was on the brown hair beauty sitting across from me…my _girlfriend_.

The nurse handed me two Vicodin's and watched me swallow them down. She then tapped the inside of my right forearm, rousing a vein, and sticking a damn needle into me—all the while, telling me to relax in her high-pitched voice.

Ha! Sure thing.

None too happy with her, I grunted to her as my intelligent response. Forcing a polite smile, she gave me some parting instructions and left the room.

_Good riddance._

Bella shook her head at me, obviously entertained by my sulking behavior as she ordered me to go change into my hospital gown.

Emerging from bathroom after dressing out of my street clothes three minutes and twenty-four seconds later, I sat back down on the bed and stared at her as the awkward silence continued.

It seemed as though neither of us was willing to broach the subject of the big elephant that was in the room, but by the nine minute mark, my pain meds were finally kicking in and that gave me this sudden wave of numbed confidence.

 _Idiot,_ my inner monologue chastised,  _it takes longer than nine minutes for Vicodin to kick in—try twenty, jackass!_

Yeah, whatever, that didn't mean shit to me.

The bottom line, it was now or never for me and I decided to pounce.

"So, you're…you're my girlfriend now?" I asked huskily.

Bella shot her gaze up at me, her lips curling into a small smile. "What would you have preferred I told your father, Edward? I didn't think telling him that I was your Dominatrix would've been appropriate."

"So, that was all it was? There was nothing more to it?" I asked skeptically.

"Edward, I hardly think this is a time or place to discuss  _'us_ '," she said in a hushed tone, using those lame air quotations.

"Well, I beg to differ, Mistress. You see, I am drugged up nice and good right now, and uh, in a couple of minutes, my father is going to walk through that door and gawk at my deflated manhood. You have no idea how much I  _need_ this! Please don't deny me that little ray of hope. It's the only thing I have to keep my spirits up," I said dramatically, laying that shit on pretty damn thick.

"What if I tell you something that will crush your spirits, huh? What then?" She smirked deviously.

Normally, her insinuation would've given me a nagging sense of doubt, but I was really starting to get high off those pain killers and they were making me feel like I was unstoppable.

"Not possible," I snorted, waving dismissively. "In fact, I already know the answer, I just want to hear you say it...So, come on, baby, tell me. Is it true, are you my girlfriend?" I asked in a smooth and deep tone, trying to coax her into being honest with me by using my undeniable charm.

She shook her head, chuckling softly. "Persistent as ever, I see."

"You busted my dick, Bella," I said jutting out my bottom lip, swiftly changing my tactics like I pro, I decided to whine like a petulant child instead. "You owe me."

It was a low blow, but whatever, I wasn't really caring at the moment.

"That pouting shit isn't adorable," she told me.

"But is it working?"

"Edward, I..." she started to say, but was rudely interrupted by the light tapping on the door.

We both turned our attention towards the intrusion and saw that my dad was poking his head in through the crack of the door.

"Knock, knock," he said, announcing his entrance.

"Perfect timing," I grumbled sarcastically, shaking my head.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" he asked sheepishly.

"Well, since you asked—"

"No, not at all," Bella rushed to intervene. "In fact, I need to get going."

"You don't have to go," my dad and I both protested simultaneously.

She laughed, glancing back and forth between us. "No, I do. I've got to go back to the house and pick up your wallet."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to grab that," I said disappointedly.

_Fuck._

I didn't want her to leave.

She took a step towards me and ran her hands through my hair, interlacing her fingers in my strands as she leaned over to give me a chaste peck on my cheek. She moved her lips over to my ear and whispered. "We'll talk later, okay? Just focus on getting better, and I'll be back before you know it."

"You promise?" I asked panicked as I grasped a hold of her waist tightly, almost desperately.

"Yes, I promise," she said reassuringly as she pried my fingers open, releasing herself from the death grip that I had on her. She rose from her bended stance and turned to face my father. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Doctor Cullen."

"Likewise, Bella, and please, call me Carlisle," he told her warmly, extending out his hand.

"Alright, Carlisle," Bella replied confidently, smiling genuinely and sweetly as she shook his hand.

The scene before me was a little jarring and it was hard for me to grasp that my father was  _actually_ meeting the woman who had completely enraptured his loner son—the only woman that I've ever loved so fiercely.

My Mistress.

And now, they were both aware of each other's existence and my two worlds were finally meshing and colliding as one.

It was fucking awesome.

"I'll see you soon, Edward," Bella said softly and giving me one last parting glance. "Bye."

She turned away from my father and me, ducking out of the room, and closing the door behind her.

It was quiet for a beat as my father and I stared at the door, but the silence didn't last long because as soon as my father realized that there was a pressing matter at hand, he turned his attention back to me.

Being under my father's sudden scrutiny was expected, but what I hadn't expected to see was the tickled pink expression that was written all over his face. The fucking glee and adulation was practically radiating out of his deep blue eyes.

It made me nervous, but also made me feel extremely anxious to hear his thoughts on my girl.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long to find out.

"She's really amazing, Edward," he said in awe.

"Thanks, dad," I replied almost wistfully. "I'm…you know, I'm kind of…in love her."

God, I was such a little pussy bitch.

"Yeah, I know you are, son," he chuckled.

"You do?"

He nodded. "I saw it the moment you came into my office last week, even though; you were trying so hard to hide it from me."

He knew before I did...nice.

"Well, I guess I failed miserably at hiding it, huh?"

And to think, I thought I was doing so fucking well.

"You didn't fail, son. You just tend to wear your heart on your sleeve. You've always have. The only thing I don't understand is why you would feel the need to hide your feelings from me in the first place," he paused, tilting his head to the side and looked at me, his face filled with compassion and infinite understanding. "You know, I'll support you in whatever you do, Edward. All your mother and I ever want for you is your happiness, and you never have to worry about bringing a girl home to us—especially one you're in love with—we would welcome whoever you brought home to us with open arms. And, I promise that your mother and I would be on our best behavior. We wouldn't embarrass you, Edward," I raised my eyebrow at him skeptically. He laughed, throwing up his hands. "Well, not purpose, anyway."

"I know, dad. Believe me, I do, and my decision not to introduce you guys to Bella has nothing to do with you and mom—I  _want_  you guys to meet her, it's just…" my voice suddenly tapered off.

"It's just what?"

_Well, Dad, here's the thing. The reason I never introduced her to you guys was because I was afraid how you would react when you found out she was my Dominatrix. Yeah, that's right, my Dominatrix. She basically whips me into submission on a daily basis, and if that wasn't enough for you, here's the final kicker… she also teaches at Masen and Anthony's school!_

But I couldn't tell him that.

So, I said this instead. "Things with Bella have been a bit complicated, and I wanted to be absolutely sure that it was the real deal between us before, you know; I went and started parading her around. I didn't want to get your guys hopes up if it ended up not working out."

He smiled. "You sound so much like your mother. She always wants to be steadfast and sure before she makes any big decision. I never thought that you would be that type of person, Edward. I always hoped that you to be, especially during these the last few of years...you know with the school in Arizona—"

"Dad," I groaned, "can we please not do this right now."

The fucking Arizona discussion was the last thing on my mind.

"Just hear me out, son," he said, silencing my protests with his raised hand and I nodded, waving him to continue. "You've been so undecided about your path in life since you were eighteen, and I've watched you just kind of...drift along since then. It's had me worried and I needed to intervene. I know, I've haven't always gone about it in a diplomatic fashion, but I saw you self-destructing, son. I couldn't stand by idly, you understand?"

"Yeah, I know, dad. I'm sorry I put you through that...I just thought I knew what I wanted and I figured that running away was my only option," I said sadly as I averted my eyes away from his intense gaze.

He was looking straight into me and I was afraid that I was going to confess all to him. It was bad enough that I'd been such a disappointment to him.

_What would he think if he knew the true reason behind my sudden change?_

"I guess what I'm trying to say, son, is that...I'm proud of you," he commented and effectively getting my attention.

"You're proud of me?" I asked in disbelief. "For what?"

"Because you've finally decided to grow up. Not only are you man who's found his direction in your life, but you also were mature enough to recognize that you've found a wonderful girl—a girl who's obviously in love with you."

"You think she's in love with me?" I asked incredulously.

"I know she is," he stated resolutely.

"But how can you know that by only spending a few minutes with her?" I asked, amazed.

"It wasn't like  _she_ was trying to hide it, Edward," he answered with a bemused smile.

It struck me as odd that my dad was able to see in thirty seconds what had taken me weeks and weeks to see, and that was only after I begged and pleaded for her to open up to me.

_Son-of-a-bitch._

"Why are you so surprised?" he asked.

"Well, because you just met Bella and you are already able to see her so clearly. I mean, I've known her for awhile now and that woman still confuses the hell out of me. I find her very hard to read, and I guess...I'm just a little jealous."

"Son, it's easier to see something on a broader prospective when you're on the outside looking in. I'm pretty sure the signs were always there, it's just you were to close to it to see them. The way she talks to you and the way she tends to you when you're in pain..." he trailed off as a somber look came over his face, and just like that, everything else was forgotten. He was in full doctor mode now. "Speaking of which, how are you feeling, son? Did the nurse come in and give you the medication I ordered? Are you experiencing any pain right now?"

"Not too much pain. It still creeps up every now and then, but it's more of a slight dull than a sharp pain like it was," I paused as I watched as he jotted down everything I was saying on his clipboard, "however, the nurse didn't wait long enough for the meds to kick in before she stuck me with this IV," I stated bitterly as I held up my right arm and showed him where she brutally stabbed me.

It wasn't as traumatic as I was making it out to be, but I was in the mood to be difficult and whiny _._

"Yes, I understand the discomfort, but I asked her to get an IV started on you," he said firmly, letting me know he wouldn't allow any negative towards his staff and I felt like a douche. "Now, how long ago did she issue you the med's?"

"It was about ten minutes ago."

He set down his pen and looked up at me with his brow furrowed. "Listen, Edward, I am honored that you want me to be your physician, but are you sure you want me to be the one to examine you? This is a very delicate situation and I don't want you feel uncomfortable in any way. If you want, I can refer you to another doctor. I know a wonderful trauma surgeon who could assist you."

"No, Dad, I don't want anyone else. You're the only doctor I trust," I said answered truthfully.

"Okay, son," he said as he patted me on the shoulder and then turned towards the sink.

He washed his hands quickly and put on some latex gloves as he walked back towards me. Taking a seat on a stool, he scooted closer to the edge of the bed, and I noticed the indifference in his face. He was trying to be professional with me. It confused me at first. I wanted to make fun of him for being so serious, but all that changed the moment he parted my gown and exposed my nether regions.

I finally understood what he meant about this shit being uncomfortable.

I squeezed my eyes closed and turned my head away.

There was no way I was going to be able to handle looking upon ground zero, especially in the state I was in…it would all be too much too soon.

"How long ago did this happen?" he asked in a very even and doctor-like tone, easing my embarrassment.

"About an hour and half ago," I replied, jerking slightly when I felt his hand on my balls as he moved them to the side.

His fingers were lightly palpating them and asking me if I had any soreness or tenderness, and as he shifted his focus to my penis and I felt the muscles in my body tense up. I was anticipating the pain...

But it never came.

"How are you doing, Edward? Experiencing any pain when I do this?" he asked me as he lifted my penis away from my balls.

"No, I'm not feeling any pain."

"That's good," he said, pleased. "Now, how exactly did this happen?"

"You want details?"

"Yes, Edward. I need to know what position you were in when this happened so I can have a better understanding of what tissues may have been torn," he said frankly.

"Okay," I started nervously, "I was kind of…we were having sex. Bella was on top of me and when she leaned backwards, she sort of took my penis along with her. There was this loud popping noise and I wasn't sure what happened at first, but then it started to hurt...like a lot."

Why was this so fucking hard?

I mean, it wasn't like my father and I never had the 'sex talk'. That shit was old fucking news—not to mention that I was in his office nearly a week ago getting my blood drawn and discussing the exact same topic.

"Okay, I'm all done," my dad said as he covered me back up. He sighed heavily as he peeled off his gloves. "Well, from what I can tell by just examining you, it's clear to me that you've suffered a penile fracture. You're going to need surgery to repair it."

"What?" I asked shocked, my head snapping up. "Are you sure you can't just pop it back into place?" My voice on the verge of hysterics as I gestured with my hands, but that thought sent a cold shiver down my spine and I shuddered.

"Edward, it's not like a dislocated shoulder, you can't just 'pop' something like this back into place. It's a penile fracture, you understand what that means? Do you realize how serious this is?" he inquired.

"I know it's serious, Dad. That's why I'm here…but  _surgery_? Are you sure?"

"Son, I won't know with complete certainty without an x-ray, but I'm pretty sure that you've ruptured tunica albuginea and the corpus cavernosum. There is also a possibility that you could've damaged the urethra, and if that's the case, surgery is only way to repair it. If you allow this to go untreated, you could experience a lot of complications. Urinary incontinence, penis deformity, and a severe erectile dysfunction," he said gravely.

My half of year of medical school was slowly coming back to me and as he said those words to me, I got a mental picture of my penis as the tissue within was being torn away. The idea of my 'love stick' being broken like a bone was laughable now and the furthest from the actual truth...

In fact, it was more like string cheese being bended until it couldn't bend anymore and ends up tearing in half.

Well, it wasn't an exact science, but it was pretty close explanation for what happened to my dick.

"Are you telling me that there is a slim possibility that I could be put permanently out of commission if I don't have this surgery?" I stuttered, my brain slowly catching on to the severity of the situation.

My dad nodded.

"That means that I could be a…"

 _A twenty-one year old guy who was wearing a diaper and impotent_ …

"Fuck," I cursed.

"We need to get you into surgery soon as possible, Edward. The longer we wait the chances to have normal function of your penis lessens. You've already experienced some massive swelling and hematoma around the entire groin area," my dad spoke with urgency.

I swallowed thickly. "I don't have any other options?"

"I'm afraid not," he replied empathically.

This was a fucking nightmare and I was scared shitless. I've never been operated on or put under anesthesia in my whole life. It was a fear of the unknown, and I needed some reassurance that I would be safe…that I would come out of this alive.

_I needed Bella here._

"I know your worried, son, but I can assure you that the surgery is very safe. It's a simple procedure and you would only be under anesthesia for about an hour," my dad told me.

I shook my head slowly in disbelief. "How did you..."

"I'm your father, Edward; I'm more attuned to your feelings than you may think." He gripped my shoulder and squeezed gently. "Trust me."

"I do trust you, Dad."

 _That's what scares me_.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Things moved along quickly after I agreed to the surgery. Time was of the essence and my dad didn't waste a single second as he hurriedly got the surgery consent forms.

Penile fracture was considered as a serious injury that needed immediate intervention. It didn't take long to get the ball rolling and I was being wheeled into the OR within an hour and forty-five minutes after my initial arrival to the emergency department.

Thank fucking God; Bella was waiting for me in my room by the time I got back from x-ray. She was there with me the whole time, holding my hand, as my dad went over the procedure, discussing the pros and cons of the surgery with me.

It was quite simple really.

He explained in detail that they were going to make a circumferential-degloving incision on my penis.

The wording was a bit over my head and I stared at my father like he was smoking crack. He caught wind of my confusion and decided to break it down into an actual language that Bella and I could understand.

However, that request was one of my life's biggest regrets and wished I never fucking asked.

Apparently, they were going to cut along my circumcision scar and pull back the skin on the shaft to the base of my penis. My father was quick to explain to me that it was the best way to get to the dorsum of the corpora cavernosa and repair the damage.

Whatever, it still sounded fucking barbaric to me.

From there, he was going to locate the ruptured tissue—making sure to cover the shaft skin with a warm gauze dressing to protect it from further trauma—and then drain the fluid that built up within the shaft, relieving the swelling and hematoma.

After the drainage, he was going repair the damaged corpora cavernosa by sewing them together and correcting the defect in the tunica albuginea with absorbable sutures.

Thankfully when my dad got my x-rays back, he noticed that my urethra wasn't damaged during the fracture. It was the only good news we were going to get, and it seemed like it took a lot of weight off my dad's shoulders.

I got the impression that such injury wasn't an easy fix.

Once everything was attached and in working form, my dad was going to pull my skin back over my shaft, stitch me up, cover me up with some gauze and tape, and then take me back to my room to recover.

He told me I was going to be as good as new in no time.

Yeah, well, that was a lie because I'll never be as good as I was before.

Luckily, if things went well, I would be out of the hospital in two days and regain normal functioning of my penis within a week or so.

Surprisingly, listening to the procedure was fairly easy, but my persistent and obsessive thoughts about going under the knife was the part that was freaking me out the most.

The countless stories I've heard about with patients waking up during surgery, feeling everything, but not being able to speak or move, was all I could fucking think about.

My feelings of this scary phenomenon didn't go unexpressed, either, and my father was quick to assure me that it was very unlikely to happen to me.

I had the best God damned anesthesiologist in Chicago.

"Nothing is going to go wrong, Edward. I won't let it." He had told me.

But as I stared up at the white ceiling, feeling the burn of the anthesia as it entered my veins, I realized the actual courage to agree to this surgery by signing my life away and putting all my faith in my father's capable, expert hands was,  _actually_ , the hardest part of all.

I was used to handing over control to my Mistress, but this was different. This surgery wasn't filled with pleasure, it was possibly a life threatening procedure, and even though my dad guaranteed me that I was going to be fine and come out this unscathed, it didn't soothe my fears.

The only thing that kept me relatively calm was Bella…

It was always about her.

She was the one constant thing in my life...infiltrating my mind and soul.

"Alright, kiddo, can I get you to count back from ten for me?" the polite woman, with dark green eyes, asked.

I nodded sluggishly, starting to count back from ten in a mumbled voice, and as I did this, I realized that Bella and I were no longer a dirty little secret. Whatever we were now was out in the open and on display for people to see.

That alone gave something to look forward to.

As my eyes drifted to a close, I thought of her beautiful face one last time and remembered the parting words of encouragement she had whispered into my ear before I was being rolled into the operating room.

_"I love you, Edward, and I'll see you as soon as you open your eyes."_

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

The first thing I heard was the soft murmur of the television. The sounds were still a little foggy to me and I had a hell of a time trying to understand what they were saying. As I went to open my eyes to see what it was, I found that it wasn't as easy as just commanding them open. In fact, I spent the better half of my time forcing and trying to  _will_ those bastards open. Finally after a few struggling minutes, I was able to pry my lids apart, but only to be disappointed as I was met with another obstacle...blurred vision.

_Fucking perfect!_

Not to be discouraged, I picked a spot on the wall as my focus point and as my sight slowly started to come back to me, getting clearer with every blink, I realized that something wasn't right.

The walls…they were different.

Before my surgery, my room was painted a pale; almost a hydrated piss, yellow, but now, they were more of a deep brown color.

The bed wasn't the same, either.

The sheets were soft, cottony and not as scratchy and stale feeling as before. The bed was really fucking comfortable, too. It wasn't hard as the last one. It felt like my body was slowly easing and melting into the mattress.

_Where in the fuck am I?_

Listening to the faint sounds in the room, I picked up on the program that was playing on the TV.

It was an episode of Seinfeld. It was the one where they had bet each other who could survive the longest without masturbating.

I chuckled softly as I remembered that Kramer had lost the bet within the first five minutes.

"Hey, you. You're finally awake," Bella soft voice cooed in my ear.

I turned my head to the left and saw her chocolate eyes staring back at me.

"Hey," I croaked. "Where am I?"

Man, she was a sight for sore eyes. Even though it seemed like only a second had passed since I was counting back from ten, it also seemed like forever since I'd seen her pretty face.

"You're in the hospital, Edward," she said soothingly as she rubbed her hand up and down my arm.

"No, I mean…did they move me to a different room?" I asked, clarifying.

"Oh, yeah," she replied, bobbing her head with understanding. "They moved you up to the fifth floor. It's the med-surg unit."

I glanced around the darken room, recognizing that the sun was nearly set. "What time is it?"

She glanced over at the wall to my immediate right and knitted her brows as she squinted in concentration. I watched her curiously, realizing that my Bella wasn't completely flawless.

She was my imperfect perfection.

"It's a little past five," she answered.

Fuck, the whole day was gone.

"How long have I been out?"

"They brought you down from post-op about an hour ago. Your dad was in here for awhile, talking to me about your surgery. He said it was a complete success and he expects that you'll recover rather quickly," she said with an uncharacteristic enthusiasm.

"Well, that's a fucking relief…where is he at now? I wanna thank him," I said as I looked around the vast room.

"He left here about ten minutes ago. He said he didn't want to raise any suspicion with your mom by staying at the hospital late. He kind of figured that you didn't want her or anyone, for that matter, to know about this."

Damn, he knew me hell of a lot more than I gave him credit for…well, that wasn't good. How in the fuck will I be able to ever hide anything from him?

_Yeah, you can't, asshole._

Right.

"Good deal," I replied gratefully. "It's bad enough that he knows about it. The less people know about me breaking my dick the better. The situation is just embarrassing, you know?"

"I know," she smiled lovingly. "And just so you know, I haven't told a soul."

 _Not even Angela,_  I finished in my head for her.

"Thank you…for everything," I said.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling?" she asked, smoothly changing the subject.

"I'm a little groggy, but I feel okay."

"The nurse said that's normal and you'll feel drowsy for awhile. They have you on a lot of pain killers and antibiotics. You really should try to get some sleep, Edward. They said that if you get your rest, that they'll probably release you on Tuesday."

"Just in time for Christmas," I said sardonically.

"Speaking of Christmas, your father kind of invited me over this Saturday," she said offhandedly.

My eyes widen slightly as I raised my head off the pillow and gawked at her."No shit?"

"Yeah, he asked me right before he left." She smiled at the memory. "He's a really good father, Edward, and cares so much about you.  _However_ , he's a very persistent man. I mean, he does not know how to take 'no' for an answer. I am starting to see where you get it from."

"Did you tell him you would go?" I asked, hopeful.

She shrugged. "It wasn't like he gave me much of a choice in the matter."

"So, you're definitely going?"

"Is that a problem?" she asked, offended.

"No, not at all. I'm just trying to understand why you're willing to put yourself in front of the shooting squad. Is it just to appease my father?" I asked, suspiciously.

She narrowed her eyes at me, catching on to the game I was playing, and in true Bella fashion, she came back at me with a bite. "No, Edward, Carlisle may be convincing, but that isn't why I'm going. Haven't you learned anything, pet? I  _only_  do things I want to do and I don't give a shit how persistent someone is."

God, she was sexy when she was mad, and if she only knew that I pushed her fucking buttons on purpose.

"So, why are you going? Is it for the food? Did my dad talk up my mom's green bean casserole again?" I teased.

"I'm not going for the food, jackass. If you must know, I'm going because I want to be with you," she stated in a heatedly, pushing herself away from the bed and glaring at me. "Well, you successfully pissed me off. Are you happy?"

I smirked. "Extremely."

"God, you're so infuriating," she huffed as she rested her forehead on my shoulder.

It was crazy how much I enjoyed watching her get all worked up because I saw how much she fought against herself. Sure, my mouth and my bullshit angered her, but the fact that her attraction towards me overruled that was what really pissed her off.

"Only you are able to make me lose my composure. What is that?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around my arm.

"It's a talent." I laughed as I laid my cheek against the top of her head. "I'm so glad you're here, Bella."

"Of course I am, Edward," she replied, peeking up at me. "Where else would I be?"

"I don't know. I figured you would be out searching for a new sub—one that isn't laid up in the hospital being all useless and shit."

"Why would I want you trade you in, huh? I've just finally got you broken in," she snickered.

"That's funny," I said, impressed.

"I thought so," she said as she leaned into me and placed a light kiss on my lips.

Instinctively, the moment her lips touched mine, I reached up and grabbed a hold of the nape of her neck, pressing her forcefully against me to deepen the kiss. Unfortunately, she pulled away all too soon, and I felt my body slack with mixture of disappointment and irritation.

"Edward, I think we should talk about our situation," she murmured.

"Our situation?" I asked hazily.

I studied her face for a moment, hoping to get a read on her, and as I stared into her eyes, I found that my father was right. There was no way I would ever know what she was feeling or thinking by being this close to her. My whole being was consumed with the smell of her hair and the taste of her lips.

"Where we stand as a Domme and sub…as a couple," she stated in a low and secretive tone.

Suddenly, I was reminded of our previous conversation before my father walked in and interrupted us.

She promised that we would talk later...well; it was definitely later, except, I was in a different frame of mind this time around.

"This is about us being together as girlfriend and boyfriend, right?" I asked bluntly.

She stared at me head on, eyes piercing and intense. "Is that what you want?"

She was looking for me to tell her where we stood, and I was a little shocked by the sudden change of events.

So, if she was allowing, I was going to make some demands of my own.

"That's not all I want," I said.

She cocked her head to side and quirked an eyebrow at me "Really? What do you want then?"

"I want everything we have and more. I don't our D/s relationship to stop. I want to find a way to make them both work. If that means we have to redefine our contract and reset our limits, then so be it," I spoke earnestly.

"We can have all that without labeling each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, Edward. Trust me, I've tried this kind of relationship before and things got messy. The lines got blurred. It didn't end well," she said sadly.

"No offense, Bella, but I am not like those other assholes you dated, okay? It kind of annoys me that you would even compare me to them," I paused, taking a deep breath and getting my thoughts together. I knew what I wanted to say. "Listen, what we have is different from anything I've ever experienced, and I am going to take a wild guess and say it's different from anything you've had, as well. I agree, the label is kind of pointless, and the only reason I ever wanted to be your boyfriend was so I could introduce you to my family…"

"Just for your family?" she asked skeptically.

"Okay, that's a lie. I want to be your boyfriend because I just want to be your boyfriend. I don't know if I made myself clear in the past, but I have to have you all to myself. There is no one on this horrible fucking planet that makes me feel like you do. You make me feel like what I want and desire is fucking  _normal,_  and for me, that's it. It's been a done deal for awhile now. I'm over all that other bullshit."

Her eyes widen marginally, looking completely taken back. "Wow. I don't know what to say to that."

"Just say we'll try to make it work…whatever it is."

"Okay, we'll make whatever we have between us work," she said with sincerity as she looked at me square on, never tearing her eyes away. She chuckled softly as she playfully tugged on my earlobe. "By the way, that was quite the speech. I am very impressed."

"Yeah, well, I was the president of my debate team sophomore year," I replied cheekily.

"I bet the chicks were just fawning over you," she jeered.

"I was a prick in high school and apparently chicks eat that shit up," I said smugly.

"Well, you're cocky, I'll give you that, but I don't see you as a prick. Whatever happened to  _that_  guy?" she asked.

"He met you."

She started to lean into me again, placing her lips over my awaiting ones, but this time when I grabbed her by the back of the neck, she didn't pull away.

She opened her mouth to me, permitting me entrance as I slipped my tongue in. To my delight, her tongue was already there to greet mine, and as I pulled her closer into me, I was vaguely aware of the large gap between us that kept her soft body from being flushed against me.

I growled frustratingly into her mouth. "Fuck."

She chuckled as she pulled away from me. "We need to stop anyway, Edward. I know better than to be getting you all excited like this."

"What do you mean?" I asked as I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You just had surgery, baby," she reminded me. "Your penis has stitches in it and your dad told me not to cause you any excitement to where you would be getting an erection."

Suddenly, I felt the tension in my groin and I realized what the fuck she was talking about.

"Shit," I hissed as I placed my hands over my dick and pressed down lightly.

"This is going to be a long week," she stated unhappily.

"You have no fucking idea," I replied as I wrapped my arms around my Mistress, my girlfriend, and my absolute everything, pulling her closer to my chest.


	29. Tread Lightly

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**~Tread Lightly~**

My dad decided to keep me in the hospital until late Wednesday evening. He wanted to make sure that I wasn't suffering from any post-surgery complications and to monitor my healing by keeping a close eye on my stitches, watching out for signs of infection and so forth.

Which was understandable, but I can't say that getting my junk poked and prodded by the nursing staff for three fucking days—two times a day—was my idea of fun. It was a  _wee_ bit uncomfortable at times, but thankfully, everyone was respectful and nice towards me—there wasn't a loud mouth Sheila in the bunch, and for that, I was grateful.

Bella stayed by my side the whole time and was a constant fixture in my room, almost like a faithful plant, but ten times more beautiful than any Fern I've ever seen.

It was nice having her there and it eased a lot of my anxiety, but more importantly than any of that, it kept me from going insane from the fucking boredom. The restlessness, accompanied with the monotony of being locked up and shut away was slowly getting to me, and she was my only outlet to the outside world.

It was hard being laid-up in a hospital and feeling so damned useless all the time—but even that wasn't even the worst part.

It didn't take me long to realize that when you have insurmountable time on your hands, your mind tends to wander...and frequently.

No amount of television watching distracted me from my thoughts, and God only knows how many nights I spent staring up at the ceiling, contemplating my life and shit.

It was slowly becoming another insistent obsession of mine. No matter how hard I tried to shut off my brain, I couldn't do it. It was the nagging uncertainty of mine that kept me wide awake most nights. I couldn't stop thinking about my life with Bella. The path that I'd been so sure about had taken an abrupt and unexpected turn. In the last two months since I met Bella, I was finding that my plans were no longer rooted in Arizona...they shifted.

Before my Mistress came into my focus, crashing on my shores like an enormous tidal wave, my future in Phoenix was all I could think about. It was my final escape from the atrocious Chicago weather, but even more than that, it was my out of this stagnant existence, and the standstill life that I'd been living for so long…but things changed.

I've changed.

The other thing that I was actively doing—when Bella wasn't around, of course—was getting a hold of Angela, via text messages and hurried phone calls.

I was doing this shit on the sly, but my intentions were good. If anything, I was trying to show Bella how fucking amazing of a boyfriend I could be, and my first order of business was helping Bella reconcile her strained relationship with her sister.

It was a gamble, and I knew that there was a very good chance that I was overstepping my boundaries, but I wasn't really thinking about the repercussions of my actions. All I cared about was fixing what was broken.

Besides, I missed Angela.

She'd been my bro, my ally, and my fucking priestess for so long. She was the one person who I could confess all my sins to without the fear of being judged, and the prospect of never seeing her again wasn't cool with me.

My need to have that outlet to vent was probably why I was never really pissed off at her for selling me out—even though I should've been. I mean, any logical person would be furious, but I...wasn't.

In truth, I'd completely forgotten about her so-called betrayal nearly ten minutes after she stormed out of the house on Sunday. Besides, I wasn't the type of dick to hold grudges against people or allow silly shit to fester in me.

I tend to explode like a bomb, but the smoke of my outburst dissipates pretty quickly.

That was why when I first called Angela, I was so mystified and taken back by her initial reaction. She was fucking shocked, completely flabbergasted, by me calling her, and once that died down, she started to apologize—insistently—for what she said.

She thought her actions were unforgivable and she assumed that I hated her.

That was just fucking ridiculous.

First of all, the only person I fucking hated was her piece of shit Dom, Aro, and she didn't do anything to me to merit that sort of hate. I mean, it wasn't like she ran over Rocco, the family dog.

Like I told her, she was mad at Bella and she happened to say some shit in the heat of the moment—which I knew she would later regret, but naturally, she let it get the best of her.

How in the hell could I begrudge her of that?

I've fucking been there.

However, I was smart enough to know when to capitalize on her guilt. I managed to talk her intoshowing up at my house for Christmas. Of course she gave me some line of bullshit, stating that she had other obligations lined up for that day, but I knew the truth.

She was still angry with Bella and was trying to punish her by being stubborn.

 _Women_.

I swear, I'll never fucking understand them.

"Hey there, Son, I've got some news for you," my dad said, distracting me from my thoughts as he came strolling into the room.

I was still locked away in my little prison, perched at the edge of the bed, keeping the pressure off my balls, as I waited for Bella to come pick me up.

Today was the day that I finally was getting paroled.

Fuck, I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital and get some real food in my stomach.

My diet was seriously lacking within these walls, and I didn't give a shit how nice this place was or how fancy they were with their marble floors, their food will always be God awful.

I was  _still_ having nightmares about a red, jiggling blob that they so  _conveniently_ called cherry Jello.

"Oh, yeah, what you got?" I replied somewhat hesitantly.

My father's ' _news_ ' anymore seemed to come with a scalpel or fondling nurses...

I was wary.

"When I was prepping your release papers in my office, a nurse came in and handed me this. It's right off the presses," he announced, holding up a white piece of paper to me.

"And..." I hedged confused as I leaned forward to read the fine writing.

"It's the results from your blood work last week," he stated it like that point was obvious.

"Oh." I acknowledged, somewhat surprised. "Well, good deal. So, what's the word, doc? Am I as clean as a whistle?"

I knew that I was.

He nodded as he handed it to me. "All of the results came back negative."

"Well, isn't that a relief?" I smiled up at him as I folded up the paper without even looking at it and shoving it inside of my wallet "One less thing I have to worry about, you know?"

He laughed, eyeing me skeptically. "Son, cut the bullshit."

I gaped up at him like a fucking fish, stunned beyond belief.

My father rarely cursed.

"I'm not trying to bullshit you, Dad." I stammered.

"Yeah you are, and I don't appreciate people trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I'm too old for all that nonsense. So, let's be honest with each other, okay?"

"Okay…" I agreed, still unsure of where he was going with all this.

He pulled a chair from the corner of the room and sat down. He assessed me quickly, letting out a resigning sigh. "There's been something that I've been meaning to ask you and I wanted to do it before Bella gets here to pick you up, okay?"

I gulped, nodding guardedly.

The man was quickly becoming the all-knowing and seeing Yoda. He already knew everything about me without even having to ask...what was there left that he didn't already know.

"Are you and Bella living together?" he questioned seriously, all trace of good humor was gone now.

_Well...shit._

He was slowly peeling back the layers of lies that I built up and I knew it was only a matter of time before he deduced that Bella was a Dominatrix…

What would I do then?

Come clean?

Lie?

"Where in the world did you get that idea, Dad?" I asked coyly, hoping to feel him out some…at least before I go spilling my guts to him.

He and I both knew that the truth was inevitable outcome.

"Actually, it's been quite a few things that I've noticed," he said as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs, and getting comfortable. He was definitely staying for awhile. "For one, Bella keeps on going back to her house to pick up  _your_ things and she's even referred to it as 'our home' a couple of times, but the big giveaway has been your friend, Emmett," he said pointedly.

"Emmett?" I asked as I scrunched up my face with a puzzled look.

He smiled, obviously amused by my confusion. "Yes. Emmett…he is  _still_ your roommate, right?"

"Yeah, but I still don't—"

"You see," my dad continued on as he interrupted me, "I'm going to go ahead and assume that you haven't talked to him in the last few days…would that correct?" he asked me and I answered with a single, stiff nod. "And since your mother hasn't received any frantic late night phone calls from him and he hasn't notified the police of your sudden disappearance, I'm going to take that a stab in the dark and assume that he has grown quite accustomed to not knowing your whereabouts, correct?"

_I feel light-headed..._

Fuck this surgeon shit, my dad should just quit his day job and become a modern day Sherlock Holmes.

"Well, I don't know what to say, Dad," I laughed nervously, knowing full well that I was caught, "Well, except that Emmett has been my downfall since the moment he's moved in. I knew that I should've never agreed to have that spaz to live with me, you know? From day one, I haven't been allowed to do anything without him…" I stopped myself mid-rant when I noticed that my dad wasn't the least bit interested in hearing about my grievances with my nosy roommate. I huffed. "Well, whatever, I guess the secret is out now. So much for breaking it to you over some of the Whitlock's aged brandy."

"You think getting me good and liquored would've lessened the blow?" he questioned doubtfully.

"It is the Cullen-Whitlock way," I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders.

My dad shook his head at me as he rolled his eyes, clearly getting the reference I made to my booze loving Aunt and Uncle.

"In all seriousness, Edward," my dad sighed heavily, redirecting the conversation, and taking on a somber tone, "I know that this may not be any of my business, but are you out of your mind, son?"

"I'm sorry?" I asked taken aback.

"Listen. Don't get me wrong, I really do adore Bella. She's beautiful, smart, well put together woman, and  _obviously_ way out of your league—"

"Uh, thanks," I retorted sarcastically.

He laughed. "But all and all, she's a good match for you. I truly do believe that. I just think that you're getting in way over your head."

"Dad, I appreciate the little pep talk, but I think I know what I'm doing," I said.

"Really?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "How long have you two known each other?"

_Well, let me see...about four weeks... Maybe a month in a half—tops!_

But of course, I wasn't going to tell him that. He already believed that I was rushing into things with Bella.

Why fuel his fire?

Being candid and honest about my relationship with Bella was highly overrated, and on most occasions—especially times like these—I decided that it was in my best interest to fib or embellish reality…just a bit.

Bending and twisting the truth to my liking.

_Yeah, right, just keep telling yourself that, Cullen._

"Um, about three months now," I lied without pause.

"Out of those three months, how long have you  _actually_ been living with her?"

He was cornering me and I didn't like it.

"I don't know, Dad," I sighed, irritated, throwing up my hands, "two weeks, I suppose. Are you going to stop beating around the bush and tell me what this is really about?"

He let out a long exhale as he clasped his hands in his lap and nodded resignedly. "Okay, I'll cut to the chase then. Have you told Bella about your plans to move to Arizona after you graduate?"

"No," I stated obstinately, never missing a beat as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"She doesn't know about your plans to move three  _thousand_ miles away next year?" he asked, shocked.

I looked away from him and answered indifferently. "Nope."

"Don't you think that's something a girl that you're living with should know about?"

"No, not really…I mean, why would I want to bother her with something that I'm not even sure I still want anymore."

His eyes widened. "You're staying in Chicago now?"

I shrugged. "I've been thinking about it."

"For four years now, all you've wanted to do is move to Arizona, and now, just like that, you've changed your mind?"

"That's still allowed, isn't it? I don't understand why you're so upset that I decided to stay in Chicago. I thought this was what you and mom wanted all along. I figured you would be happy about this change of plan." My voice was thick with hurt and bitterness.

"Edward, your mom and my happiness has nothing to do with it. We just want you to be happy. But I'm trying really hard to understand how you can go from one extreme to another…in a matter of weeks. Change doesn't happen that quickly in a person, son. Do you see why this worries me?" he asked, panicked.

I looked up at him, staring into his features, and that was when I realized the truth.

He wasn't the all-knowing and seeing detective—far from it. He was just a concerned father who didn't recognize his own son anymore.

It scared him.

"Dad," I said in a gentler and less standoffish tone, "I get it, okay? I really do and I want you to know that I'm still me. The pain in the ass Edward you knew a week ago, but you gotta trust me. Everything is going to be fine. I'm fine. Bella is it for me, alright? I've finally found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and that sort of realization changes a man—it changed me. I don't want or  _need_ to move to Arizona, anymore. She makes me happy and I would be a moron if I did something to ruin that," I stated firmly and resolutely.

I may exaggerate the truth about how long I've known Bella, but I'll never lie about my feelings for her…I was, literally, incapable of such a thing.

"I know how deeply you care for her, Edward, but you're only twenty-one years old, son. It's your first serious relationship and you can't just put all your eggs in one basket or go throwing away everything that was once important to you," he said as he leaned over and placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing tightly.

"Bella is what matters, Dad, nothing else."

"That statement right there is what worries me. That intense and blinding devotion you have for her. It's not healthy, son."

As if I didn't already know that I was fucking crazy, but now I got my own father rubbing my nose in it. Except, I got the feeling that he didn't really believe that my feelings were legit...and that infuriated me.

"Wait, what are you saying, huh? Are you trying to tell me what I feel for her isn't real? That it's just some extreme and silly infatuation?" I asked, feeling slightly betrayed.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew he was only questioning me because he was concerned about shit going astray and didn't want to see me get hurt, but at the moment, I couldn't see past the fucking red...

"No," he said, rushing to assure to me. "I would  _never_ do that, Edward. I just think you need to step back, take a deep breath, and slow it down some. You both have your whole life ahead of you to allow your feelings to grow and mature into something solid. I don't want you to have any regrets."

That was never going to happen. Regret...well, that shit wasn't part of my vocabulary.

I let my shoulders slump, sighing tiredly. "What do you want from me, Dad? Is this is your roundabout way of telling me that I'm making a huge mistake by living with her?"

He nodded marginally. "It's not something that you should be taking lightly. I just want you to be aware of all your options before you go jumping in head first."

The discussion was oddly familiar and I knew how it was going end. One of us needed to man up and accept defeat.

I was determined to make my father cry uncle first.

"Okay, I totally get that, but what's the worst that could happen? Really?"

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"By living with her," I replied flatly. "I mean, if we don't work out, I'll move back in with Emmett, but if we do, then what? Nothing changes. We'll continue living happily together in sin."

He smiled weakly. "I guess you got it all figured out."

"No, I don't have it all figured out and I'm okay with that. Look, I understand where you're coming from, I really do, and a few months ago, I would've agreed with you, but I know what I want. I didn't jump into this lightly. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that I needed to be with her." I smiled as I playfully punched him in his arm. "Relax, Dad, it's not like I've asked her to marry me."

He tilted his head to the side, his brows knitted together. " _Are you_ thinking of proposing to her?"

I scoffed. "What? No, no, no. Are you kidding me? Bella and I have  _too_ many hurdles to jump through before we ever reach that road...trust me, marriage is the last thing on our mind."

God, he accused me of rushing. He was the one who needed to slow his row.

"But  _would_ you marry her?" he asked.

My throat got dry, my palms got sweaty, and I could feel my blood pressure rising. The thought was frightening at first and I wanted to tell him no. That it wasn't something I would want to do, but the panic ceased as I imagined Bella walking down the aisle in white dress.

Calmness took over and I smiled, nodding to my father's question.

"I would marry that girl in a heartbeat..." I paused as the image of Bella in her wedding gown changed and evolved into a clear picture of my Mistress in black leather mini and a flogger at her side. I chuckled. "I just don't think she would ever say yes. Between you and me, she's not exactly the marrying kind."

My father looked confused. "Son, if you don't think marriage is a possibility for you guys, why would you want to continue something that has no future?"

Was he serious?

"Dad, I don't care about all that. I mean, would I marry her? Fuck yeah I would, but it isn't a must. I mean, I just can't see her wanting to get married. It's not her style. So, it really doesn't matter what I want."

He wasn't buying it...In fact, he looked even more determined now to figure me out.

"Son, I can't understand that line of thinking. You can't forfeit your life like that. You deserve a partner who wants the same things as you. Love isn't a one-sided deal. It's based on common needs."

I stared at him for a good second, letting his little speech seep in, and I couldn't believe how ridiculous this all sounded.

He wasn't making any sense to me anymore. What did he expect me to do?

Break up with her?

Yeah, that shit wasn't possible—nor would I ever do that to make someone happy.

Things may not be so black and white in my relationship with Bella, but it was progressing. It had the possibility of going somewhere and if he wanted me to throw in the towel solely based on her beliefs about marriage….well; he was out of his mind.

I didn't want to marry some random girl just so I could be married...What the fuck did I look like, some chick?

I wanted Bella, plain and simple. No matter what that entailed. That piece of fucking paper wasn't something that was going to make us or break us.

My feelings for Bella were confusing and chaotic to me at times. There was no rhyme or reason for them.

They just were.

I sighed tiredly. "You know how this always ends, Dad. It happened with my decision about moving to Arizona and the same will happen with my decision to be with Bella. How many times do we have to go over it?"

There was no point in arguing. We were always meant to bump heads. My father and I had reached an impasse.

He smiled, nodding his head. "You're right. It's pointless to set and fight with you about it. You've already decided on your path."

"I knew from the very moment I met her, Dad. It's like all that love at first sight and shit." I shrugged.

He laughed. "Who are you and what did you with my pessimistic son?

"Oh, he's still here," I replied sadly. "You just caught me on an off day."

"No, I don't think so," he said as stood up from his chair. "I think that Edward is long gone now."

"Is that such a bad thing?" I asked nervously as I watched him make his way towards the door.

He stopped abruptly and turned around to face me. "No, it's a good change, Edward. It's just going to take me some getting used to, that's all."

_Wait…did that mean…_

Holy shit, my father was accepting me—the fucked up and undeceive asshole that I was. He was really willing to set aside his own expectations that he had and just love me for who I was and not who he wanted me to be.

It literally knocked the wind out of me and I had to brace myself. The emotion behind that realization was overpowering.

"Thanks, Dad...not just for understanding, but for everything you've ever done for me. You're a really good Dad." I said, my voice breaking like a little bitch.

"You're welcome, son. All that matters to me is that my kids are happy, and I can clearly see that Bella does that for you. What kind of father would I be if I tried to begrudge you of that?" he paused as he narrowed his eyes; face overcame with a stern expression. "But can I ask you do me one small favor concerning your relationship with her?"

I gulped back my hesitancy and nodded slowly. "Sure, what do you need me to do?"

"Just try not to fuck it up," he stated simply as he turned on his heel, walked out of the room, and left me staring after him in awed silence.

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

Pulling up to the curb besides my parent's house, I shifted my car into park, and glanced over at Bella. She was seated in the passenger side, looking absolutely stunning.

My girl was pulling out all the stops today and was dressed to impress. It was the first time my family was going to meet her and she was making sure that it would be a memorable one.

Hell, she could show up in a burlap sack and my family would still fucking adore her, I had no doubt. I mean, she already dazzled the socks off my father and he was hard to impress, and frankly, the one I was worried about the most.

Today was Christmas and we were early—an hour and a half early to be exact.

I made it a point to arrive there before everyone else. It was going to be chaotic and nerve-wracking for Bella and I wanted to ease her into everything slowly.

I didn't want to overwhelm my girlfriend with the sideshow circus that was my family because it wasn't just my parents I was bringing her home to, but both of my set of grandparents, my aunt and uncle Whitlock, my cousin, Jasper, and his elusive sister, Charlotte.

She didn't usually like to attend these family events, but since her parents were in town, she decided to drive up from Burbank with her husband, Peter, and their two idiot kids.

It was going to be a full house this year.

 _That's just fucking perfect_.

Per usual, my shitty luck was intact and rarely on my side. It was constantly laughing at me, obviously enjoying the chaos it caused.

As if breaking my dick wasn't traumatic enough.

The only time it actually took pity on me was when I was alone with my Mistress, and I fucking cherished those moments.

Thankfully, they were happening more and more.

Not long after the heart to heart with my dad on Wednesday, Bella arrived at the hospital to pick me up. It took less than an hour to get me fully discharged from my father's care and I was free from the confines of that fucking hospital.

When we got home, Bella took me straight upstairs to  _her_ room and had me lay down on the bed. She told me that she wanted me in her room for the time being. Hell, that's fine with me. The separation in the past wasn't something I enjoyed, in fact, I hated it.

Bella's nurturing side was coming out in full force and I fucking loved it. Not sure if there was a God or an afterlife when we died, but I imagined that this was what heaven would be like.

It didn't take me long to sink into the patient role, and I ain't ashamed to say that I milked that shit for all it was worth.

"Well, here we are," I said, clearing my throat. "Casa los Cullen."

"Gracias por la invitation," Bella spoke perfectly as she unbuckled her seat belt and rested her hands on my thigh as she leaned over me. She gazed out my window to get a better look at my parent's large three story house. "Su casa es preciosa."

The sound of her tongue rolling the 'R' was fucking hot and I imagined what it would feel like if her tongue was to roll over my head, tracing the dominant slit ever so lightly with just the tip...

_Muy caliente._

Yeah, the idea of her flogging me into submission while shouting out demands to me in Spanish...

That shit would be fucking amazing.

I shifted in my seat suddenly and Bella looked up at me, confused at first, but when she saw the way I was burning my eyes into her, she realized what was happening to me down below.

She gave me a guilt ridden smirk, she sighed. "Edward, baby, how many times has that been today—three, maybe four times now? You know that you can't be letting yourself getting excited like that…it's not helping you heal any faster." She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously. "You know, it seems like you had better control when you were wearing that chastity belt."

"Yeah, right, that's what  _you_ think," I chuckled as absentmindedly tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, like some cheesy guy in one of those lame ass chick flicks.

She pulled away from me, completely removing her warm body from my lap, and frowning slightly. "Are you going to be okay? Please tell me that I don't have to worry about you while we're here."

"Why would you worry about me?" I asked, perplexed. "I'm not the one meeting the parents. If anything, you're the one who should be nervous."

She nodded in agreement. "You're right. I should be a mess right now, but I'm not because I'm used to meeting my students parents," she said cheekily.

"Nice." I approved.

"Besides, this situation is a lot harder on you than it is for me," she continued.

"And why is that?" I asked.

"It's because your family's opinion of me means a lot to you."

"It does to a point," I admitted. "I'm just...I don't know how things are going to go or..."

"You're worried that they're going to find out that you're a sub and that I'm your Dominatrix, huh?" Bella asked, cutting me of mid-sentence.

"What? No. That's not it," I denied vehemently.

"Edward, I know how you feel— _you've_  told me. There's this part of your life with me that you're still ashamed of and don't want people to know about. You think what we do in our bed is a dirty word to people."

I shook my head. "Bella, that's...not why I'm nervous. I'll admit, I don't think it's any if their business what we do in the bed sexually or whether or not I'm your sub," I spoke truthfully. "I'm nervous because this is the first time I've ever brought a girl home. I don't know how things are going to go down and the unknown kind of freaks me out. I know they're going to like you, that shit is a given...I guess, what worries me the most is how you're going to feel—especially when they start interrogating you."

She titled her head to the side, giving me a bemused smile. "Well, that's sweet of you, but I rarely freeze under pressure, so you can relax, okay? I'm the last person you should be worried about."

She seemed so sure of herself, and maybe I was being a little over-protective of her, but I knew how my family operated. They were fucking pit bulls and they weren't going to let Bella just slide on by…no, they were going to put her through the ringer.

If she was with anyone else, Jasper for instance, she wouldn't be such a hot commodity, but since she was with me—the family fuck-up—she was going to be viewed like a fucking oddity.

I scoffed. "Yeah, well, we'll see about that."

Bella was staring out the front windshield, completely lost in her own world. As the silence loomed between us, I started to wonder what she was thinking. God, it was crazy not knowing her thoughts. She was also editing and I never got the uncensored versions.

Everything out of her gorgeous mouth was deliberate and well-thought out. Nothing was random or unfiltered…unlike me.

She turned her body towards me, looking a little confused as she bit down on her bottom lip, debating on how to censor herself.

"Are you serious about me being the first girl you ever brought home or were you just exaggerating?" she asked.

"There was no exaggeration. You're the  _only_  one, Bella. There was no one else before you."

"You're kidding me, right? You're a good-looking guy, Edward. There had to be a line of girls dying to date you."

I shrugged. "Yeah, there were girls, I suppose, but none that really mattered."

She stared at me incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"What do you expect, Bella? I'm not the same asshole I was before, but I wasn't one of those guys who dated girls on a significant level. And to be brutally honest, I never wanted to be with a girl longer than it took to lay them."

"Oh, my God," she muttered, shaking her head at me in disgust.

_Wow, I'm such an epic moron._

This was when having a filter to your thoughts came in handy. It didn't matter how true the statement was, it was all about the approach. There were numerous ways I could've stated that sentence without sounding like complete fucking douche.

"Sorry," I grimaced. "That sounded a lot better in my head"

"It's alright, Edward," Bella assured me. "It was just…um…it shocked me and that rarely happens. Anyways, I guess I can understand why you would be so nervous for me to meet your folks. You weren't the dating kind, obviously, which leaves me the difficult task of breaking the seal. I gotta say, though, being the first gal you bring home to the parents, I'll be setting the bar pretty damn high for your next girlfriend. Sucks for her," she said smugly.

It was silent in the car as I gaped at her, not sure if she was really serious with that line of bullshit. But as I studied her face closely, I saw that there was very little joking behind her statement, and on some level, she actually believed it.

_Oh, Jesus..._

I couldn't stop the hearty laugh that erupted out of me.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"You're funny, that's what," I said lovingly as I took her hand and kissed it softly. "Bella, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you're kind of stuck with me. So, the idea of you setting the bar for my supposedly future 'girlfriend' is just…it's ridiculous. You're the first and last girl I'll ever bring to my house to meet my parents," I shrugged. "Sorry."

"Oh, really? And how can you be so certain about something like that, hmm?" she asked incredulously.

"How can you  _not_  be?" I countered.

Her relaxed posture suddenly stiffened as she stared at me, fucking speechless. She opened her mouth a few times, and I smiled at her arrogantly, knowing that I stumped her…for the second time that day.

Maybe my luck was finally turning a corner.

"Ugh," Bella groaned as she snatched her hand from me. "Don't get all mushy on me, Edward, okay?"

She opened the passenger side door and got out, leaving me in the warmth as I watched her walk around the front of the car. She stepped up on the curb and wrapped her arms around her small frame, staring up at my parent's house as the wind whipped her hair wildly about her.

It was the fight or flight for her and nowadays, it seemed as though she didn't want to fight with me because she knew I was right.

Oddly though, she still fought within herself. I guess that was the last stretch of road for Bella. She confessed all that she had to me, opening up the way she did, but she still was closing her heart off to herself…and that honestly left me baffled.

Resigning defeat, I exhaled loudly as I popped the trunk and got out of the car. Circling to the back, I retrieved all of the bags with my family's gifts stuffed inside—all the while, keeping a firm eye on my girl.

It wasn't until I reached her side again that she even acknowledged me.

"Now I'm starting to get a little nervous and suddenly feeling slightly under dressed," she said quietly.

I gazed down at her, assessing her choice of attire for the day. The dark blue button-up that she wore and had tucked into her tight, form fitting jeans that were cinched with a rustic brown belt looked pretty good to me.

But what in the fuck did I know?

I mean, I wasn't some fashion guru, and at times, could barely even dress myself.

"You look beautiful, Bella. You always do," I said.

She smiled up at me appreciatively as she hooked her arm with mine, inching her body closer. "The house is just incredible, Edward. The brick work is amazing. I love the sandstone shade instead of all the red brick in this neighborhood. It's not your typical brownstone, that's for sure."

I bent down and resting my chin on her head. I took a solid breath and inhaled in deeply. The fragrance that wafted off Bella was a comforting coconut scent and it immediately calmed my frazzled nerves.

"Yeah, I've always liked the architecture of the building. You see that balcony over the porch?" I asked, pointing and directing her attention to the second story of the house. "That was the selling point for my mom. She said she always wanted a master bedroom that had a balcony and overlooked the neighborhood. My parents searched for nearly a year and have chosen wisely. They got one hell of a deal in the process." I took a step forward, pulling her a long with me. "Shall we?"

"Lead the way," Bella urged.

Opening the front gate, Bella and I walked the short distance to the steps, leading up to the front porch. We both leaned into each other, searching for warmth as the frigid air blew on us from behind, pushing us forward and upward…almost as if fate was getting little bit impatient.

By the time we reached the last step, my ears and my face had completely frozen off.

"Okay, Bella, last chance to turn back," I warned as my finger hovered over the door bell.

She smiled. "Everything will be fine. Trust me."

"Well, just know that if my family gets too abrasive or if things get too stressful and you need to get away, just know that you can escape by going upstairs. No one will ever look for you there."

_Except me, of course. That'll be the first place I check for her._

"I'll keep that in mind…will you please just ring the doorbell already?" she snapped playfully. "I'm freaking freezing out here."

"Yes, Mistress," I laughed as I pushed the button.

Shoving my hands into my coat pockets, I listened to the chime ring throughout the house. My stomach was doing a million back flips now, and I realized how nervous I was.

It was the moment of truth and I'd been preparing myself for this all week, and in some sense, even longer than that. But no matter how much I tried to keep my wits about me, I couldn't stop from psyching myself out.

This was huge on so many levels.

Bella and I were finally out as a real, sincere couple, and for our first outing, we go over to my parent's house for Christmas.

I mean, who does that? My newly acquired girlfriend of a week was going to meet my entire family in one shot.

Most couples wait months for that milestone in their relationship—possibly even years.

But Bella and me?

Nope, we hang on for a few measly days and then just jump right on in.

After a minute or so, the door finally swung open and revealed my mom. She put her reddish-brown hair up in some weird bun and she was wearing that green holiday sweater with the dangling bells and flashing Christmas lights. The thing was fucking hideous, but my Grandma Cullen bought it for her and since my nana was making appearance this year, I'm sure my mom felt obligated to wear that horrible looking thing.

Compared to my mom's disaster ensemble, Bella had nothing to worry about.

"Merry Christmas, baby," she greeted happily as she stepped out onto the porch and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Merry Christmas, mom," I replied dryly, patting her lightly on her back.

"Love you, too, Son," she laughed as she drew away from me and had her eyes focused on Bella. "Who's your friend?" she asked sweetly.

"Oh, yeah, Mom, this is my girlfriend, Bella," I introduced, smiling like a fucking weirdo. "Bella, this is my mom, Esme." I introduced, I leaned over and mocked whispered into Bella's ear, loud enough so my mom could hear it. "Ignore the sweater. She's not crazy people, I promise."

My mom shot daggers at me and I had to hold back my laughter. It was really hard to take her serious in that thing.

Bella chuckled as she held out her hand for my mom to shake. "Merry Christmas, Mrs. Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you."

My mom's icy glare thawed as she looked over at Bella, smiling genuinely as she grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. "Awe, Merry Christmas to you, too, sweetie. It's so nice to finally meet you."

Completely thrown off guard and unprepared for the embrace, Bella went stumbling forward, giving me a stunned look and looking for me to help her.

 _Oh, no, Mistress. She is all yours._ I thought as I folded my arms over my chest and smirked at her.

She narrowed her eyes at me, probably vowing to make me pay for it later. Hell, bring it on, I didn't care. It was worth it to watch her squirm and I would take every bit of a lashing on my back happily.

"I've heard  _so_  much about you," my mom said as she pulled back from Bella, "but please, call me Esme. That Mrs. Cullen nonsense makes me feel so old."

"Okay...Esme," Bella said hesitantly.

The meeting was going fairly well and mom seemed honestly delighted to meet Bella. Hell, I expected her to be surprised about my plus one, but instead she was hugging her and demanding that my girl call her by her first name…

Wait, hold the fuck on...did my mom say she was happy to finally meet Bella and that she had heard so much about her?

_God damn it, Dad!_

"Well, he just had to tell you, didn't he?" I asked bitterly.

My mom looked over at me, her arms still wrapped around Bella, and the expression on her face was one of confusion. Almost as if she had no idea what the hell I was talking about.

_Yeah, right. Spare me the dramatics. I know he squealed._

"What are you talking about, Edward?" my mom asked.

"Dad. He's such a traitor," I groaned, irritated. "He told you about meeting Bella when I came into the hospital, didn't he? God, I swear, mom, your husband has such a big mouth. He's like a woman."

Her eyes bulged out of her head and her jaw slacked. "When were you in the hospital, Edward?"

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, you can drop the act, okay? You've already slipped up. You can stop protecting your husband now."

"Honestly, Edward, I don't know what you're talking about. Your father has not told me anything about Bella or you being in the hospital, for that matter—which he and I will have words about later," she stated fiercely.

Now I was the one who was confused. "Wait, that doesn't make any sense, Mom. I mean, if dad didn't tell you about Bella, who did?"

"Edward!" The twins' loud and echoed scream came from inside the house and I turned my head in time to see them rushing out of the family room, running towards me at full speed.

_Of course..._

"Hey there, you narcs," I said, getting down to a crouch and opened my arms to them as they came crashing into me.


	30. When It Rains, It Pours

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**~When It Rains, It Pours~**

Well, I can't say that I was surprised to find out that my little brothers were the culprits. The boys have been tattling on me since the day they could fucking talk. It was pure stupidity on my part, jumping to conclusions like I did. I really should've considered all of the possibilities before I went and opened my big fat mouth.

Well… _fuck_.

I've already said too much and I knew my mom wasn't going to forget so easily. She was a stubborn and determined woman. She was going to nag the shit out of me until I fess up and tell her why I was in the hospital.

I just can't believe I fucking did that—and to take my dad down along with me. He wasn't going to be too thrilled about the trouble I'd inadvertently caused him.

My Mistress really needed to keep me ball-gagged at all times. It seems as though I just can't be trusted.

"Edward!" The boys hollered even louder as they closed the distance, pulling me out of my self-deprecating reverie.

There they were, my baby brothers, the two little bastards who enjoyed busting my balls on a daily basis, and I couldn't even pretend to be mad at them.

My cheesy, proud older brother grin was just too big to hide.

Truth be told, I'd missed them.

It was hard for me to believe that I've gone so long without seeing them. It barely been two weeks, but it still seemed like it'd been a fucking lifetime to me.

_How in the hell did I survive not seeing them in the past?_

Per usual, the boys hit me full force like a runaway freight train, nearly knocking me over on my ass. Luckily for me and  _my ass_ , I'd anticipated most of their impact and I was able to withstand the intensity, staying upright as I wrapped my arms around their small frames, pulling them tightly against my chest.

"We missed you," Anthony nearly shouted into my ear as he threw his tiny arms around my neck, putting me into a choke hold.

"I missed you guys, too," I managed to croak out as I stood up, bringing the twins up with me.

Now, I'm going to be fucking honest, picking up Anthony and Masen wasn't an easy feat. They both weighed about forty to fifty pounds—easily—and I was exerting great effort to keep them in my arms. If it wasn't for my stubbornness and the fact that Bella was watching me as closely as she was, I would've set them back down and ask my mom for a Bayer aspirin.

My lower back was killing me and I was already suffering the consequences from my little stunt, but even still, did that fucking stop me?

_Nope._

I was too busy trying to be all macho and shit, flexing my muscles so my Mistress didn't see how weak I truly was—even though I knew she would never fault me for it.

As it was, I wasn't supposed to be picking up objects that weighed more than twenty pounds in the first fucking place. It was on my 'Do's and don'ts' list that my dad gave to me when he released me from the hospital.

It had to do with my stitches busting open or something of that nature, but whatever.

"Man, you guys are heavy. What has mom been feeding you guys?" I complained as I turned around to face my mother, giving her an accusatory look.

She was standing by the door, fairly close to Bella and I noticed that she was overcome with this emotion. She was trying really hard to hide it, but with her hands clasped over her heart and her eyes welling up, she was failing miserably.

The mood was getting a little heavy and I decided to lighten it up some.

Shifting my weight and getting better grip of the boys, I started to tease them. "Where's your garbage can, Ma? I've got some trash that needs to be taken out."

Masen and Anthony giggled as they thrashed about, trying to wiggle their way out of my tight hold. They were putting up a valiant fight, but it was hopeless on their part. I was bigger and stronger than them.

One of the many perks of being the older brother.

"We're not trash," Anthony argued as he squirmed.

"Yeah," Masen agreed, squirming even harder, "we're kids!"

I was using all of the strength in my biceps just to keep them in my arms. God knows I didn't want to drop them on my parent's wooden floor, possibly busting their skulls open like a cantaloupe.

I bent down and took a big whiff of each of their heads.

"Pee-yoo!" I exclaimed, making a disgusted face. "Man, you boys sure do smell stinky. Only trash would smell this bad."

"We're not stinky, Edward. You are!" Masen told me.

"Yeah," Anthony echoed his brother's beliefs. "You're the one who smells like Daddy's dirty gym socks!"

Only the twins would compare me to Dad's socks…I mean, how in the hell would they know unless they went around sniffing them, and that's what scared me. I could totally see them doing something nasty like that.

What a bunch of little weirdos.

I stifled a laugh, trying to keep my focus on the task at hand.

"What?" I scoffed, pretending to be offended. "Oh, that's it! You guys are definitely going in the garbage can now! I was just kidding before."

"No, Edward!" They both yelled frantically. "Mom! Don't let him throw us away! We're kids! We're not garbage!"

"Edward," my mother started to say, but I smiled her, assuring her that I wasn't really going to throw them away.

What kind of person did she think I was?

As I turned to walk towards the door, I noticed that Bella was directly in my path. Her deep eyes were fixated on me with a devious smirk playing on her lips.

It stopped me in my tracks and as I looked her up and down, sizing up my obstacle, that's when I realized...she was going to play along.

The only question that remained was: whose side was she on?

"Excuse me, Miss, but can I squeeze by you, I have some stinky trash to throw out?" I asked politely as I tried to step around her.

"Ms. Swan," Anthony pleaded, reaching out for her hand. "Please help us."

"Don't let him throw us away," Masen added, laying the helpless act on extra thick.

Gee, I wonder who taught them that...

Bella tilted her head to the side and placed her hands on her hips, standing tall as she continued to block my path.

It was clear by the way she locked eyes with them, her face filled with sympathy...

Yep, she's chosen her alliance.

_Oh, the betrayal._

I quirked my eyebrow at her, waiting for her to challenge me and she didn't disappoint.

"Put the boys down, Edward," she commanded sternly. "You don't want to hurt yourself."

I laughed, looking at her skeptically and puffing out my chest to assert my manly strength as I took another broad step towards her. "That's ridiculous. Explain to me how I could possibly hurt myself."

You know, seeing as I was indestructible in all.

She smiled coyly, glancing down at my junk quickly and then flashing her pretty eyes back up to my face. "Do you really want me to go there?"

She fucking had me and we both knew it.

However, as much as she was right about the possible injury in my groin region, I was still refusing to give in.

It was in my nature to win at all cost.

"I'll take my chances," I said flippantly as I openly defied my Mistress.

I was going to pay for that one later.

However, I didn't get too far passed Bella because my mom chose that time to step in.

"Okay, that's enough you two," my mom said as she narrowed her eyes at me, nodding her head at the twins—who were now just dangling lifelessly.

They gave up their fight long ago.

"Edward, you need to put your little brothers down before someone gets hurt." My mom managed to wedge her way in the middle of Bella and me.

Glancing back and forth between the two women, I realized that I was slightly outnumbered.

"Fine," I huffed defeated as I set the twins back down on their feet. "You win."

Anthony and Masen both looked up at me with a twinkle in their eyes, giving me a smug grin as they turned and ran towards my girl.

"Ms. Swan! Ms. Swan!" The twins shouted in unison as they wrapped their arms around her waist.

"Hey there, cuties. How've you boys been?" Bella asked as she ran her hands through their hair, giving them a sweet smile.

_Son-of-a-bitch..._

I watched as my brothers took a hold of her hand and led her past me, towards the living room. They were going on and on about how much they've missed her, their new-found love for turkey sandwiches, and all the toys they've gotten for Christmas.

All of her attention now was solely directed on them...and away from me.

I sighed heavily as I stretched and cracked my ailing back, walking to the door to retrieve my discarded bags. "Damn, those little Hugh Hefners got some major game."

My mom laughed, wrapping me in a hug the moment I reached her side. "Well, you've only got yourself to blame. If memory serves me correctly, I believe you're the one who had created the monster."

"What? I didn't teach them to scam up on my girlfriend, Mom. No, those boys have gone rogue," I stated obstinately as I pulled away from her.

"Girlfriend," my mom said somewhat stoically, pondering over that word.

I smiled nervously, not knowing exactly how I should respond. This was new territory for the both of us and we were getting used to the term… _Girlfriend._

Granted, I had more time to adjust to it.

"So, tell me about Bella, Edward. How long have you been seeing her?" my mom asked as she hooked her arm in mine, directing me towards the kitchen. "Was it before or after you offered to pick up the boys from school?" Her tone was laced with suspicion.

It was obvious that my mom had known about Bella for awhile now.

"Um," I hesitated as I took a quick glance towards the living room, scouting out Bella as we passed.

The twins were still keeping her occupied with their jabbering and she wasn't aware of what my mother and I were talking about.

The coast was clear.

"Well, it was before I offered to pick up the boys," I admitted, deciding to be truthful—for once. "I met her at a coffee shop up by the college and she turned me down when I asked for her number. Can you believe that?"

"She turned you down? Is that right?" my mom asked, sounding a little pleased. "I could tell she was smart."

I frowned at her. "Ouch. That was a low blow."

She laughed, smacking me lightly on the arm. "Oh, relax, Edward. I'm just kidding. So, she refused to give out her number, then what?"

" _Well_ after she completely broke my heart by shooting me down, I didn't think I would ever see her again," I stated dramatically, hoping to get some damn sympathy, but of course, it landed on deaf ears. I sighed. "In all honestly, Mom, when you asked me to pick up the boys that first day, I didn't know mom she worked there. When I saw her in the hallways, I was shocked."

"Was it love at first sight?" she asked excitedly.

"Ma, come on, you know I don't believe in all that hokey, lovey dovey nonsense."

But in a way I did believe in all of that. How else was I going to explain the fucking frenzy and need of mine to have her in my life?

"That's not what your brothers tell me," she replied in jest.

I scoffed. "What do they know about love, Mom? They're five!"

As we rounded the corner, heading into the kitchen, I noticed that the boys' nanny, Alice, was busy at the stove. She was gripping this big wooden spoon, stirring a boiling pot filled with...what seemed to be a thick, gravy substance.

She looked up at us as we entered, smiling warmly.

"Hi, Esme," she greeted in a whimsical voice.

"Alice, you remember my son, Edward, don't you?" mom asked.

"Oh yes, of course," Alice replied. "How are you, Mr. Cullen?"

It threw me off to be addressed so formally and I opened my mouth to correct her, but was immediately distracted by how different she looked.

She was still as short in height as I remembered, her head barely clearing the kitchen counter. But it wasn't her stature that caught threw me; it was the effort she had put into her appearance today.

She looked really pretty.

"I'm good, Alice. It's nice to see you again...um, would you like some help?" I asked as I walked around the chaotic counter, gesturing towards the countless pans just simmering on the stove.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom's jaw dropped. She watched me with a shocked expression as I attempted to try to offer my services in the kitchen. I was reaching for the oven mitts when Alice stopped me.

"No, no, its fine, Mr. Cullen. I have everything under control. Would you like me to get you something to drink?" she asked, turning towards the massive fridge.

I stood there, slightly deflated and feeling useless as I nodded my head. "Sure, I'll take a Coke with some ice. Thanks."

She smiled and nodded. "Not a problem."

I felt my mom's intense stare, and there were few times I would glance over at her to see what she wanted. There was this indescribable emotion marred on her face. It confused me to see her getting all teary eyed and I had no fucking idea why she would be acting in such a way.

_Women._

After Alice put my drink in front of me, I took a seat at the nearest barstool. The room was overwhelmed with aroma of food and my stomach gurgled in anticipation.

I eyed Alice closely as she buzzed around the kitchen, stirring this and preparing that. My eyes widened when she opened up the oven, pulling out the ham and basting it with melted butter and brown sugar.

Damn, this shit needed to be done and on the table already. I was starving.

A couple minutes later, I felt that nagging urge to do something again, but when I got up to offer my assistance, Alice waved me off and told me that everything was fine.

Apparently, I was just going to slow her and my mother down.

"Okay, everything is on simmer and we'll probably be able to eat in an hour or so. I'm going to go check up on Anthony and Masen," Alice announced as she turned down the heat on the stove, giving my mom and me a kind smile as she walked out of the room.

I looked at my mom confused. "Alice is just the nanny, right? I mean, you didn't hire her to be a personal chef too...did you?"

My mom laughed, shaking her head. "I know, I know. I tried telling her that she doesn't need to cook or serve us like a live in maid, but she insists on doing it anyways. She doesn't have a family of her own and I think she really wants to make sure we're happy with her. She doesn't want us to have any reason to fire her. Which was just silly, you know? I would never fire the best thing that's ever happened to your brothers. She's simply fantastic. Besides, even if she wasn't cooking for us or was just a mere quarter of the nanny that she is now, she would still be better than that train wreck before her."

"Victoria." I didn't have to guess.

"Yes, that horrible,  _horrible_ woman. You know why I fired her, right? Did I tell you the story?" my mom asked.

"No...Um, I don't think you did," I stated slowly, trying to recall, but I came back empty.

After the night at the club, I assumed that my mom gotta rid of Victoria because she found out that she was a Dominatrix. But the truth was that I never actually knew _why_  they fired her

"Well, she was always late to pick up the boys from school and it was small at first. You know, five minutes here and twenty minutes there, but then it got to be extreme. She would start showing up one to two hours at later and your brothers would be stuck at school. Your father and I couldn't pick them up. Their teacher called us up one evening after the third straight day of Victoria being late, very concerned," my mom said.

Now I understood why their teacher was such a bitch and scolded me that first day when I was late picking them up. She had already been burned by Victoria.

My mom continued. "The boys started to act differently, too. Whenever she would talk to them—and it didn't matter what it was—the twins would lower their heads and say,  _'Yes, Victoria._ ' There were a couple of other things that I noticed that raised some of my suspicions. That was why I hired a private eye and had him do some background checking on her. When he told me about her other profession and her X-rated website, I knew my instincts were spot on. I couldn't even wait to hire a new nanny to replace her; I had to let her go that day. I can't have those kinds of people around my babies, Edward."

My throat constricted and my face got hot, but I had to ask. "What was her other profession?"

"She was a Dominatrix, baby," she said simply.

And there it was.

That word.

D _ominatrix._

The way my mom said it like it was a dirty word had irked me… She fired Victoria because she couldn't handle ' _T_ _hose kinds of people around her babies.'_

Well, that sort of sucked…I mean, I  _was_  those people.

What would she do if she knew that Bella was my Mistress?

"Is that why you fired her? Just because of her sexual preference?" I asked, trying hard to keep the distaste out of my voice.

"Well, yes, Edward. I didn't want that woman, who lived that sort of lifestyle, around my kids."

Well, I guess that answered my question. My mom wouldn't hesitate to throw my girl out on her ass. She's already expressed, in so many words, how much she disagreed with the lifestyle and the people who chose to live it.

They were lower class human-beings.

My fears of her disowning me because of my need to be a submissive were slowly being realized.

It angered me because I was her son and she would shun me from this family because I was a vile and sexual deviant in her eyes...

I finally snapped.

"That's little narrow minded, Mom, don't you think? I mean, granted, Victoria wasn't the best nanny for the boys, and I think you made the right decision by firing her. I just think your got rid for the  _wrong_ reasons," I stated as calmly as possible.

My mom stared at me dumbfounded. "Wrong reasons? I don't understand what you're getting at, Edward."

"Well, if you hadn't found out about her being a Dominatrix, would you still have fired her? Or would you have kept her on as Masen and Anthony's nanny—despite how incompetent she really was?"

"What? Victoria was a bad woman, Edward."

"Okay, let's forget about Victoria," I continued, "and look at it another way. What if A _lice,_ you're amazing nanny, was a Dominatrix; would you fire her solely based on her sexual preference?"

I knew I was giving myself away, but I couldn't stop talking. It was verbal vomit.

"Why are you treating me like the bad guy here, Edward? You're acting like I am this fascist bigot," my mom asked with a mixture of hurt and confusion.

"Mom, I don't think you're some bigot, I just don't think your reasons for firing her were all that fair. Did she deserve to get fired?  _Absolutely_. Did she deserve to get fired because she was a Dominatrix? No. I don't think she did."

"Edward, sweetie, I love you, okay? But you have no idea what the hell you're talking about. The things that I went through with Victoria were reason enough to let her go. That's why I'm a little confused by you right now. What point are you trying to make, exactly? Are you telling me that I shouldn't have fired her? That I should've overlooked all of her indiscretions? If so, I'm sorry, but that woman was a plague on this house. I couldn't have her around my children any longer. She was too destructive."

God, how do I make her tell me without asking her outright?

"Mom," I groaned, exasperated, "I'm glad you got rid of Victoria and I'm not debating that. What I'm debating is you're biased opinion of people who choose to live that sort of lifestyle."

Damn, I was an epic idiot.

She was going to know what I was trying to get at and it was too late to retreat.

I already fucking said too much.

The realization finally washed over my mother's face and she titled her head to the side, smiling tenderly. "Oh, honey, you've totally misunderstood me. The fact that she was a Dominatrix wasn't what bothered me. Was it shocking? You bet, but her choice of lifestyle wasn't a factor in her dismissal—it was her  _decision_  to post her lifestyle online for people to see, including my two young boys, and that is where I had to draw the line, Edward. The boys are growing up fast and how long do you think it would've taken them to find her website?"

"Not long."

"Exactly. I couldn't let them be around someone like her. Victoria's time with us was already coming to an end before I even found out about her lifestyle. That little bit just made everything else click with me. The way the boys acted around her, very submissively. You could say it was the straw that finally broke that poor camel's back. I had to do what was right by my family and choose what was best for my kids. Victoria wasn't it. You can understand that, cant you?"

I nodded, feeling like shit. "Yeah, I get it. I'm sorry, Mom. I should've known better than to accuse you of being so close-minded. I don't know why I am acting like this."

The silence loomed for a beat as I pondered my feelings for my lifestyle. Why had caused me to attack my mom like that? I knew Victoria was a monster and I was the last person to be defending her, but her lifestyle reflected mine. She was a Dominatrix like my girlfriend Bella. If my parents acted so injudiciously towards Victoria based on that, how would they treat Bella?

Would they think differently of her?

And if they did turn their back, would that change the way I felt about her?

When I glanced back up, I noticed that my mom was eyeing me suspiciously.

"What?" I asked uneasily.

"You're different, Edward."

"Different how?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

My mom's keen sense of intuition was eventually going to sniff me out, but with all the fuss I made about Victoria, I just led her to her conclusion that much sooner.

I was just begging to be caught.

She shrugged. "I can't really put my finger on it, exactly, but you aren't the same Edward you were a month or so ago"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're actually here, for one," she said as she placed her hand on my cheek.

I laughed nervously as I placed my hand over hers. "Of course I'm here, Mom. It's Christmas."

"No, honey, that's not what I mean. You've always seemed so...lost. Ever since you entered high school, it was like a switch in you flipped, and you weren't ever the same. You started walking through life on autopilot. You didn't care about anything or anyone. There was no longer any enjoyment in your eyes. It was...it scared me."

Her words shocked me because I hadn't realized that my unhappiness was so noticeable.

Those days before Bella, I remembered how tedious my life seemed to be, and how I would surround myself with women, thinking it was going to fill that void.

It never did.

"But now," she continued, stroking the side of my face lovingly, "your eyes are bright and you look so happy, baby. The way you look at Bella with so much love and adoration or the way you interact with your brothers...it," she paused as she pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly as she sniffled on my shoulder, "it makes me so happy."

"Mom," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her, "please don't cry, okay? I'm sorry I worried you, I really didn't mean to. I just...I didn't know who I was or what I wanted in life. I still don't know what I'm doing."

She pulled away from me and glanced towards the hallway, checking to make sure that we were still alone.

"Edward, you're young. You've barely just turned twenty-one—"

"My birthday was six months ago," I corrected, rolling my eyes playfully, hoping to ease the tension.

She smiled, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "That's not the point, Edward. People your age often end to be self-involved  _brats—_ "  _Nice one, Mom,_ "—and there's no shame in that. Look, I never expected you to have your life figured out, but, baby, you weren't even trying. You were just doing what you thought people expected of you. Nothing you ever did was for  _you_."

"But what if the thing that is making me happy now is something that you and dad would never approve of?" I asked quietly as I looked down and stared at my shaky hands.

"Edward, look at me," she said in a stern tone. I peeked up and was met with my mother's eyes staring back at me, filled with understanding. "Are you breaking any laws?"

I shook my head, chuckling. "No."

"Then whatever it is that's made you come  _alive_ and be this man that I see in front of me—albeit it be Bella's influence or something else—I don't care what that thing is. I will  _never_ stop loving or supporting you. I don't want you to ever feel like you have to hide who you are from me because you're afraid that I wouldn't approve. I'm not that type of mother who turns her back on her kids. I love them no matter who they are or what path they choose to lead...as long as it makes them happy. That's all that matters to me. Do you understand?"

I nodded as a response because I knew I wouldn't be able to control my fucking emotions. It never occurred to me that she wouldn't care about my life as a submissive.

It wasn't the thing that defined me...somehow, I always thought it did.

That was when it hit me…hard. Almost as if a fucking boulder of awareness was dropped down on me from hundred stories above.

It was  _me._

I was the one who had the problem with Bella and her lifestyle.

That was why I thought I needed to hide who I was from my family because I feared their ridicule, but the truth was that more startling…

I was the one who was ashamed.

 _Holy fuck_.

"So" I started to say after a few quiet minutes, "I guess it's safe to assume that you like my girlfriend. That you approve of her?"

"Oh, most certainly. She's very...can I be honest with you?" my mom asked warily.

_Oh, here we go..._

I tensed."Sure."

"She's way too hot for you, Son."

"Wait...what?" I must've heard her wrong.

"Bella is extremely attractive and very...mature. I don't know how you managed to swing that one," my mom said, dead fucking serious.

It kind of floored me that she was telling me this. It was the truth. That much I knew, but it still shocked me to hear be so blunt.

I mean, wasn't she supposed to believe that no woman would ever be good enough for her son?

_Oh, the irony._

I laughed. "You know, as much as I want to be offended by your comment, I have to agree with you. I don't know why she's with me. I guess I just eventually wore her down. I just kept on hounding her until she agreed to date me."

"You're so much like your father," she stated proudly.

"Yeah, that's what I've heard," I said sheepishly, glancing away from her.

"Anyways, I think she's quite something and I'm so glad you decided to bring her home to meet the family. It's nice to see you getting serious with a girl— _finally_! I figured you were going to be one of those men who remained a bachelor all their lives. I was starting to think that I wasn't going to get any grandbabies from you."

And just like that, my mom redirected the conversation down a tabooed path.

My eyes widened and I shook my head slowly, groaning. "Geez, Ma, you're killing me. First you tell me that my girlfriend is too good for me and then you lay down the kids' guilt trip. Can we slow it down, please? I can't keep up. You do realize that Bella and I have only been dating for a few months, right?"

She smiled tenderly as she tugged on my earlobe. "I know, I know. I'm just so excited. Just so you know, accidentally knocking up your girlfriend wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"Wow. I don't even know what to say to that," I replied, stunned.

"It's just something to think about."

There were no words.

The idea of having kids fucking petrified me. Even though my mom was just being a...well, a mom, I still couldn't shake that crushing fear.

Hell, what would happen if I did accidentally knocked up Bella? What would come of us then?

No, I had to get that out of my head.

My dick was still on the mend, and at this point I was just freaking myself out over nothing. I mean, who knows if I could even still have kids. There was no way a penis can go through that type of trauma and still come out working normally.

It just wasn't plausible.

I sighed heavily. "Well, I am just trying to get through today unscathed. I'll worry about my future and procreating some offspring for you later."

_Much later._

"Well, that's entirely up to you and Bella," she said indifferently. "No pressure."

_Yeah, right._

"Hey, tell me the truth, Ma, how much grief do you think everyone is going to give me?" I asked worriedly, quickly changing the subject.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"You know, about me having a girlfriend. Do you think that they're going to tease the crap out of me?"

"Oh, honey," she said in a sympathetic tone, placing her hand on my cheek before her face turned serious. "They're going to slaughter you."

I gulped. "Really?"

"Well,  _yeah_. What did you expect?"

What  _did_ I fucking expect?

It was a little known fact that I was a bit of a ladies' man and I may have ran off at the mouth—on several occasions—about my single status, claiming that no girl would ever be able to tame me.

Well, I was sorely mistaken, and all it took was for a beautiful Dominatrix toting a purple flogger to whip me into shape.

Now my previous words were going to be thrown in my face.

What the fuck was I thinking by bringing Bella here? This shit was going to be a full-on train wreck.

"God, I knew this was a bad idea," I said, hanging my head.

"Edward, look at me," my mom said in a firm and authoritative voice. I raised my head up marginally. "They're family, okay? It's sort of mandatory that they harass you. Get used to it, kid. It doesn't mean that you've made a mistake by bringing Bella here. Why are you so worried about what people think anyways? Who cares what they have to say. Bella is a fantastic girl...I mean, from what I've seen of her, anyways. Your brothers absolutely adore her. All they ever do is talk about how great she is. They haven't left her side since she's gotten here, for Pete's sake."

"Yeah, I know. They've been trying to snake my girl from the very beginning," I replied half-jokingly.

"Well, it seems like they're doing of fine job of that," my mom said as she leaned back in her chair to get a quick view of the boys. She arched her neck, peering into the living room that was situated right across the hall.

"No shit," I muttered sullenly.

Glancing up at the digital clock on the stove microwave, I noticed that Bella and I have only been here for a little over twenty minutes now and I still haven't seen my father.

He was suspiciously absent.

"So, where's Dad at?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, he's still at the hospital. He had an emergency appendectomy this morning. He should be back in time for dinner—" My mom stopped talking abruptly and narrowed her piercing green eyes at me.

"What? What is it?" I asked, concerned.

"Speaking of your father and hospitals, would you like to tell me why you were there and why nobody told me?"

_Ah, fuck…I knew she wouldn't forget._

"So, when is dinner going to be ready again?" I asked playing coy as I glanced around the room, looking everywhere and anywhere but at her.

She grabbed me by the chin and yanked my head in her direction. "Don't try to avoid the question, Edward. You better tell me why you were in the hospital and why your father didn't tell me. The truth is the only thing that is going to save you now," she snapped angrily.

God, I didn't want to piss my mom off any further nor did I want to tell her about breaking my dick.

Maybe she'd believe that I had a mini-stroke or some incurable cancer.

I could even fake my own death…

Anything would be better than having to explain to my mother that her eldest son snapped his turtle while his Dominatrix/girlfriend was riding him.

How fucking humiliating.

I grimaced; knowing the next few words out of my mouth were going to sound pretty fucking lame. "I was in the hospital earlier this week with a severe head cold?"

I didn't even trying to lie convincingly anymore.

My deceit was getting exhausting and I no longer had the strength to do it.

"You were in the hospital with a head cold?" she asked skeptically.

I nodded slowly. "Uh huh."

She stared at me for a good minute, clearly not believing my pathetic ' _Head cold'_ story.

She finally sighed, rubbing her forehead."You're not going to tell me the truth, are you?"

"No," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Fine. I won't push you, but can you at least just answer one thing for me?"

"Okay..."

"Is it something that I need to worry about? I mean, you would tell me if it was cancer or something serious like that, right?"

I laughed, pulling her into a hug."Yes, of course I would tell you if it was something serious, but it's not, Ma. I promise you. The only reason I asked Dad not to tell you is because I didn't want you to worry about me, and to be honest, it's rather embarrassing."

My mom fell silent and full minute passed before she finally responded.

"I guess I understand...wait a minute," my mom paused as she yanked back from me abruptly, her brow furrowed. "Is that why you thought your dad spilled the beans to me about Bella? You actually thought your father would break the bro code?"

I snorted at her choice of lingo. "The bro code, Ma, seriously?"

"What? Isn't that what you guys call the universal pact between all of the male species?"

I shook my head, laughing at her absurdity. "Yeah, sure."

When in actuality, there was no such thing.

"Well, I'm here to tell you that your father kept his word—although, I am a little upset at him for keeping me in the dark. He needs to tell me when something is happening with our kids, especially when our eldest is in the hospital. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that he didn't betray your trust, but you can understand why I am upset about it, right?'

"Yeah, I know, Ma, and I'm sorry that I asked him to lie to you. It wasn't fair of me to put him in that situation," I told her truthfully.

She sighed."No, you had a right to keep your business to yourself. I guess I am looking at this the wrong way. Regardless of how I feel about it, your father upheld his obligation to you as your doctor."

I tilted my head to the side, taking into consideration the confidentiality agreement between a patient and their Physician. Maybe I didn't have to ask him to lie to Mom after all.

Maybe it went without saying.

"Well, since that's settled," she said letting out a huge exhale as she stood up from her chair and looped her arm around mine. "Should we go rescue Bella from your brothers and open some presents before everyone arrives and the craziness starts"

And just like that, the weight was lifted.

My mom would never know it, but I was so thankful for her at that moment. It was a fucking relief when she didn't pry me about my trip to the hospital or the reasoning behind my change. Her acceptance of me was the best present she could've ever given me and I wasn't afraid to be truthful anymore.

I was done with lying.

My epiphany had wiped away all my fear of being judged because it didn't matter if my family agreed with my lifestyle; if they loved me the way they claimed to, then they were going to have to accept me the way I was…sub and all.

The only thing that would make this day that much better was watching the boys' reaction as they opened their gifts. It was something I was eagerly looking forward to.

Grabbing my cold cola off the counter, I offered her my hand and smiled.

"Ladies first."

~~~ **888~~~888~~~888~~~**

The look on the twins' faces when they opened up their presents was priceless. They went absolutely ape shit when they saw how many new Xbox games I'd bought for them. Their screaming and jumping up and down was fucking epic. I fell off the couch laughing my ass off a few times—especially when I caught a glimpse of my mom glowering over at me from the corner.

Apparently she wasn't too thrilled with my choice of purchases for the boys. She'd been trying to wing them off video games for the last few months. It seemed the boys had forgotten to mention to her that they'd been gaming with Emmett for a month now.

Boy, they sure knew how to keep their mouths shut when it was something that would get them in trouble.

Honestly, I never thought that my Christmas gifts would cause that much of an uproar?

_Oh, well._

All that mattered to me was that they kept their full attention on their game, 'Deadly Carcass', and off of my girl. Those blond haired, blue-eyed little boys were constantly giving me a run for my money.

It seemed that distracting them was the only way I was going to win against them...and I was a little sullen about that fact.

I mean, I was her devoted sub. I broke my penis pleasing her, and I was still being trounced on by two five year olds...

That shit wasn't fair.

And when I didn't think my day could go any better, all four of my grandparents decided to show up around the same time of each other, initiating the dreaded family festivities, and effectively becoming my worst fucking nightmare.

My Grandma and Grandpa Whitlock were the first to arrive. They were true southerners: quiet and polite. They used their undeniable charm on Bella as they dazzled her with their stories of the great depression and how they fell in love despite the raging war that had separated them. They had her completely captivated the moment they shook her hand.

They seemed that to really take a liking my girl—which, I knew they would.

My mom's parents were good people and I wasn't too worried about them...my dad's parents were a different story.

Now, it wasn't my Papa Cullen that had me on edge, it was my Nana.

She was pure evil.

As soon as she walked through the door—even before she exchanged any pleasantries with people—she went straight for my mother's jugular.

It was the underhanded kind of attack. The one where you weren't quite sure what had happened. My nana never really outright offended my mom with harsh or mean words.

It was more of a sickly sweet criticizing.

She was a nip-picker.

Nothing my mother ever did was good enough for her. Either her cooking was horrible or the way she styled her hair wasn't up to her standards, and she even bitched about how my mom raised us boys. It was fucking maddening and it was so hard to watch my mom sit there and endure the abuse.

But she did, every holiday, and with such grace.

My mom was a fucking pro. She would nod her head, smile respectfully, and offer up conversation that didn't undermine her.

She even wore that God awful holiday sweater that my nana bought for my mom to humiliate her.

My jaw would be sore after each of these family events because of the constant grinding of my teeth.

There were so many times I wanted to put Nana in her place, but my mother wouldn't let me. She would place a soothing hand on my shoulder, shake her head, and tell me that I needed to let it go.

She would say. "She's not worth the fuss, Edward."

God, my mom was a bigger person than me.

However, as strong as she may be, I was convinced that one of these days my mom was going to snap and eventually off my Nana. And when she did, I was going to be there right along with her, toting that fucking shovel.

Luckily, my Papa Cullen was the nice one out of the two. He adored my mom and was the only person, besides my father, who outwardly stood up for her, but even their protests were futile against my nana.

She was ruthless in her assaults.

That was why I was apprehensive for Bella to meet her. It would infuriate me to no end to watch my Nana treat Bella the same way she treated my mom.

So, when I approached my grandparents to make all of the proper introductions, I held my breath and crossed my fingers.

My nana was outwardly nice—which, I expected. She was an expert at being two-faced with people. She smiled and responded politely towards Bella, but just as quickly, my nana would flip the script.

The next thing we all knew, she was shoving her purse and coat into Bella's arms—like my girl was a fucking coat checker—walking off with her nose pointed towards the ceiling, and waving her hand at us…the peasants.

The stunned silence was deafening and was only interrupted by my string of profanities.

"That's fucking bullshit. She just can't go around and fucking treat people like that. We're not her God damned servants," I muttered under my breath as I took the coat and purse from Bella's arms.

My mom smacked me for swearing and Bella gave me a sympathetic smile for caring.

And the day was only fucking beginning…

When my Aunt and Uncle Whitlock arrived, they said their hellos, but like their parents, they were a lot less abrasive than the Cullen clan. As soon as they could, they quickly excused themselves and headed straight for the liquor cabinet.

As I suspected, they were holed up in my Dads study in a self-induced whiskey haze.

They hadn't fucked on my dad's desk,  _yet_ , but the night was young and they still had a full bottle of Maker's Mark.

When my cousin Charlotte showed up with her fucking bratty ass kids and her spineless husband, Peter, I rushed through the introductions with Bella.

The last thing I wanted for Bella was to have to sit there and listen to Char's negative comments and constant whining about her worthless life. That was all she ever fucking talked about.

It was so God damned depressing.

Thankfully, Char was so consumed with her shitty life that she barely even acknowledged us.

It was her brother that I was worried about the most.

His opinion of Bella was the one I cared about the most—aside from my parents. He my best friend…and that asshole was already thirty minutes late.

_Of course._

When he finally decided to stroll in, Bella was in the kitchen with the women and I was in the living room with Masen and Anthony, keeping my distance from the madness.

I tried to convince Bella to stay in the living room with me and the boys, but she insisted on sticking it out so she could to get to know my family better.

But I think the real reason she stayed behind was because she didn't want leave my mom without an ally.

"Kill that Zombie, Edward! Shoot him! Don't let him get you! Hide! Use your invisibility cloak! Get your AK-47 out!" Anthony shouted, pointing frantically at the flat screen.

"Jesus, Anthony, will you be please shut the hell up!" I hissed, irritated.

"That's no way to talk to your little brother, man," Jasper said as he pushed me in my back, nudging me forward.

I'd been so immersed in the Xbox game that I didn't even hear the doorbell ring.

Putting the game on pause, I turned around and looked up at my best friend "Hey, Dick. Glad to see you finally decided to show up."

The boys giggled, obviously entertained by my colorful language.

I shot them a stern look and they both got really quiet.

They were good kids, and they minded extremely well, but there were those times when they liked to press their luck with me.

"Yeah, well, I got caught up in some traffic," he said offhandedly as he looked around him cautiously. "Is my sister and her miserable family here?"

I didn't know where Peter and the two demon spawns were, but less I saw of them the better.

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Yes, unfortunately. No offense, man, but I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed you and your family going to Texas for Christmas. Your sister… is a character."

Of course, I wanted to say something much more expressive about her, but I censored myself. No matter how much he hated Charlotte, it was still his sister, and I wasn't going to openly talk shit about her.

"I know what you mean, man. She's always been an utter nightmare. Are my parents, at least, here?" he asked, hopeful.

"Yeah, they're hibernating in my dad's study getting hammered on whiskey. I'm starting to think they have the right idea," I paused, turning around and handing my handheld controller over to Masen. "Hey, Mase, take over for me, buddy."

"Yes!" he cheered as he snagged it from me and waved it tauntingly in front of Anthony's face.

"That's not fair, Edward! Masen already had his turn!" Anthony pouted.

"Well, that'll teach you to sit there and talk smack to me, now won't it, little bro?" I said as I flicked him on his left earlobe.

He jutted out his bottom lip as he threw himself onto the sofa, crossing his arms over his chest dramatically, and slouched down in his seat, sulking.

Jasper laughed as we walked out into the foyer. "That was cold move, dude. You're pretty brutal with your brothers."

"Yeah, well, sometimes they deserve it. I mean, you should've heard what that little bastard was saying to me earlier. He, basically, was taunting me about getting to first base with my girlfriend," I spat bitterly, throwing the stink eye at Anthony for extra measure.

Jasper raised his eyebrow at me with his mouth agape slightly, shocked. "Anthony was? Does he even know what he was saying?"

"I didn't think he did at first, and I was going to let it go, but when that little prick started to make kissing noises at me...I swear to God, Jazz, I just about lost it" I said feigning the urge to laugh.

Honestly, how could I ever stay fucking pissed at them?

My brothers were pimps.

Jasper snorted. "Oh, man, that's some twisted shit!"

"You're telling me. They know what to do and what to say to push my buttons. You know, they haven't left her side since we've got here. I had to basically bribe them with Xbox games, just so they would leave her alone."

Jaspers eyes widened marginally as he placed his hand on my shoulder for stability. "Her who? Bella? She's here? In this house?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Huh, I thought you knew," I replied, playing dumb.

"Uh, no, you didn't, asshole. Where is she? I want to meet her," he said as he quickly scanned the hall, looking for her like she was hiding in some corner.

"Look, I'll introduce you to her, but can I ask you to do me one small favor?"

"Yeah, just you name it."

"Try not to act like a fucking spaz when you meet her, okay? I don't need you giving her the third degree and embarrassing me."

"What the hell, Edward?" he replied, offended. "I'm not a social imbecile. You know, I do know how to act in appropriately when meeting new people. Will you at least give me some damn credit?"

I sighed. "You're right. Sorry, man. This day just has been one pain the ass after another, and I'm a little high strung. I haven't had a cigarette in a week."

"No shit? You actually quit?" he asked, surprised.

I shrugged. "It was time that I stopped killing myself."

I didn't tell him that Bella was my reason for living now. It made me sound whipped...even though it was the truth.

"That's awesome, man. I'm glad you did. I hated that fucking shit."

I laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, well, you aren't you alone, man."

"So..." Jasper said slowly, sticking his hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels, "...where is she?"

I chuckled at his persistence. "She's in the kitchen with my mom, Nana, Charlotte—"

"What? You left her alone with Satan? Are you mad, man?" he interrupted me, nearly shouting in a high octave.

"What? She's a big gir—"

Before I could even finish that sentence, Jasper was off and running towards the kitchen.

"God damn it," I cursed, rushing after him. "Jazz, hold up."

He came to a halt right before the entrance the opened double doors leading into the kitchen, slowly poking his head around the corner.

My pulse was racing frantically and I held my breath as I watched him.

I didn't know why I was so fucking panicky.

"I can't see her," he whined. "What does she look like?"

"She should be the one you don't recognize, you moron," I replied, rolling my eyes.

He flipped me off without even bothering to glance back at me. "Eat me, asshole."

I sighed, slightly irritated. "Do you see her yet?"

This shit was fucking stupid. It would probably be easier for me just to go in there and introduce him to Bella than to sit out here and spy on her like two creepers.

As I went to pull him away from the door, he gasped. "Damn, is that her in the red sweater?"

I furrowed my brow, confused, remembering that Bella was wearing blue today. "Red sweater? Who's wearing a red sweater?"

"Hell, I don't know. All I know is that there's a girl in the kitchen with the black hair and she's wearing a tight, form-fitting red sweater." He was whispering now.

It took me a second to figure out who he was talking about, and I am ashamed to say that I actually had to go through the guest list and narrow that shit down.

"Oh,  _her_. No, that's my mom's nanny, Alice. Bella is wearing a blue shirt."

Jasper turned back at me with a crazed look in his eyes, it was a bit disconcerting, and it threw me off.

"Introduce me," he demanded.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You want to be introduced to Alice now? What about Bella?"

"Bella is your girl…I want this one," he said as he waggled his eyebrows at me.

"What? Alice? I didn't think she was your type."

"Dude, hot chicks are always my type. Come on, she's cute. What's her story?" he asked eagerly.

Not that I didn't think Jasper would be a good guy for Alice, I just didn't know that much about her. My mom mentioned that she didn't really have family, but for all I knew, she could be married and have five kids…however unlikely.

I was not in the mood to be playing match-maker.

"Listen, man, I don't want to sound self-centered prick or anything, but can we please just focus on you and Bella meeting, for a minute? After that, you're free to go pursue the nanny. Shag in her in the hall closet for all I fucking care," I said tiredly. "Just stay off my baby grand, okay?"

He laughed. "You got it man. No fucking on your piano…um, did you make sure that my parents were aware of that rule?"

"No," I replied, panicked. "Shit. You think I should?"

He snorted, shaking his head at me. "You're fucking killing me, man."

"Eat me, asshole," I retorted as I pulled him away from the door and walked him back a few feet. "Alright, I don't want Bella to feel like we're ambushing her, so can I ask you to wait here…in this spot?"

"Oh, yeah, of course. Do what you need to do, bro," he said as he punched me lightly on the arm. "Here, I'll do you one better and I'll wait down at the end of the hall until you wave me over. Sound good?"

"Yeah, thanks, man."

"Hey, what are cousins for?" He smiled, almost cheekily.

I shook my head as I walked away from him, mumbling under my breath. "Hell if I know."

As I approached the kitchen, I took in a deep breath, and I poked my head in. All of the women were huddled in the corner and Bella was nowhere to be seen…she was simply lost within the crowd.

Fortunately for me, the oven timer went off and the ladies dispersed, opening a direct line of sight to my girl.

"Bella," I whispered, hoping to get her attention.

The last thing I wanted to do was go in that kitchen and have to deal with everybody. It was best if I could get her attention and have her come out here.

Thankfully, it didn't take Bella long to spot me hanging out by the entrance of the kitchen. I nodded my head at her and silently waved her over. The look of relief was displayed all over her face and she quickly excused herself as she walked casually towards me.

I smiled at her, feeling the excitement engulf me as I realized that I was about to have her within touching distance again.

When she reached the hallway, and away from the chatting womenfolk's view, she rushed up to me and placed her hands on each side of my face. She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head, almost as if she was trying to expel a bad dream.

"You okay?" I asked as I put my hands on the top of her back, slowly making my way south until my hands were resting on her hips.

"Edward, I swear to God that I'm going to flog the hell out of your Nana," she said, sighing heavily.

"Are you sure you want to waste such a good flogging on her? She might like it, you know," I warned.

She opened her eyes at me and frowned. " _That_ woman  _needs_ one. I mean the things that come out of her mouth and how she treats Esme, it's just so unreal. I've never seen something so vile in my whole life. Its...I didn't know how much more I could actually take. Thankfully, I know how to keep my mouth shut…" she paused as she looked up at me and smirked. "...unlike  _some_ people."

As I went to open my mouth and respond seductively to my Mistress, I remembered that we had a set of eyes on us. Jasper was merely a few feet away and despite our low toned conversation, there was a slim possibility that he heard every word…but then again, so what if he hears us.

My epiphany was still strong and I was done hiding.

"Well, Mistress, perhaps you should gag me more often," I said.

"Not a bad idea, pet," she replied as she pulled me down into a kiss.

It was slow and chaste, but her lips tasted like peppermint. My focus was solely on the feel of her under my fingers as I dug them into her hips, causing her to yank me forward, pressing up against her even more.

In the back of my mind, I remembered Jasper was somewhere nearby and I was faintly aware of the shuffling of his feet and his throat being cleared. It was obvious that he was trying to alert Bella and me to his presence.

We both pulled away from the kiss and glanced over at Jazz. He was looking at us with a bemused smile.

Bella tilted her head to the side, looked at him curiously. "Hi there."

"Hello, ma'am," he replied as he took a small step towards us.

"Bella, I would like you to meet my cousin, Jasper...He's Charlotte's brother," I said resignedly, gesturing towards him.

"Well, not by choice," Jasper amended, holding his hand out to her. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Bella. I've heard a lot about you."

Bella raised her eyebrow skeptically, glancing back at up at me as she reached out and shook hands with him. "Really now? Well, all good things, I hope."

"Oh, absolutely. To be honest, at times, I wasn't entirely convinced that you actually existed," he said. "He made you sound too perfect."

_What the fuck?_

"Seriously, Jasper?" I muttered as I glared at him.

"He talked me up that much, huh?" Bella asked as she reached down and grasped a hold of my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Yeah, he did, but now that I'm meeting you and seeing how beautiful you are in person, I'm starting to think that he was holding out on me," Jasper said slyly, adding a little extra southern drawl to his tone.

_Did he just fucking wink at her?_

Not only was that fucker backpedaling now, but the wannabe Casa Nova was also hitting on my girl.

_Un-fucking-believable._

"Are we done here?" I asked, annoyed.

"Yeah, I really need to get back in the kitchen. I was picked to make desert," Bella said excitedly as she turned away from him and looked up at me. "I'll try not to kill your Nana in the process, though."

"Oh, please, by all means. You do what you have to," I told her as I cupped her face and kissed her forehead.

_Yeah, that' right, she's mine._

"I'll do what I can," she laughed. She turned back to Mr. Flirty pants and nodded. "It was nice meeting you, Jasper."

"Likewise, Bella," he said as he reached out and took a hold of her hand, placing a kiss on top. "It's been a pleasure."

Bella pulled away from his grasp and smiled awkwardly. "Okay then. Um…" She paused and faced me, clearly amused by his antics now. "…I'll see ya later, Edward."

"Okay, babe…good luck," I told her.

We both watched her go, and as soon as she rounded the corner, I hauled off and punched Jasper in his left shoulder.

He groaned in pain as he tried to rub it out. "What the fuck, Edward? What the hell was that for?"

"Are you serious with that shit? You know exactly what you were doing. Flirting with her, kissing her hand and shit. What was  _that_  about?" I asked, angrily.

"It was a test, man...and you passed a lot better than I thought you would. Holt shit, that's quite an arm you got there," he said.

"Test? What are you talking about? What test?"

"It's a test me and Emmett started doing when you were sleeping around a lot. Emmett and I would openly flirt with the girl you were seeing, just to gage your feelings for her. It was a way for us to see whether or not she was a keeper. Well, this is the first time you've reacted so violently," he stated sullenly.

I narrowed my eyes at him in disbelief. "You're so full of shit. I don't remember you guys ever flirting with the girls I was seeing."

He smiled widely and nodded. " _Exactly_."

As I thought back to Jessica and Lauren, I couldn't recall ever introducing Jasper and Emmett to them, and even if I did, I knew he was right about one thing.

If they did flirt with either one of those girls and acted like Jasper did with Bella, I sure as fuck didn't give a shit.

"You guys suck," I spat. "I'm going to go hang out with my brothers. They might bust my balls with Bella, but at least they don't do that underhanded shit like you and Em seem to do all the time."

As I turned to walk towards the living room, I saw that my dad was walking through the door. He looked a little disheveled and both of his hands were full of shopping bags.

"Hey, Dad," I greeted as I walked over to him. "Here, let me help you with that."

"Hey, Son. Thanks," he said slightly winded as he handed me a few bags. "You'll never guess what I found just hanging out on the front porch."

"Oh, yeah, what's that?" I asked.

But even before my dad could respond, I saw exactly what he'd found when they both poked their stupid heads through my parents front door.

"Surprise, Dude," Emmett boomed cheerfully.

Rosalie was close behind him as she smiled tightly and gave me a small wave.

_Fucking perfect._

I glanced back and glared over at Jasper, knowing full well that he was behind this.

"So, caught up in traffic, is that right?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, something like that," he answered nonchalantly as he walked over to stand beside me...and that was his first fucking mistake.

His second mistake was that he didn't think to block me when I pulled back my arm and punched him _, hard,_  in his right shoulder.

"Jesus, Edward, that shit hurts," he wailed in pain.

Now we're even.


	31. Feliz Navidad

**Chapter Thirty**

**~Feliz Navidad~**

After I helped my father put his things down in the living room, I hurried up and ushered all three of the conspirators outside on the front porch. The shock of them showing up on my doorstep quickly faded and the only thing I was left with was my unadulterated anger.

I was seething now and I didn't want to alarm anyone to my outburst—Bella mostly—so I pushed them out the door and sequestered them outside in the freezing cold.

"Well..." I started as I cupped my hands over my mouth and blew my breath into them, hoping to generate some warmth, "isn't this a fucking surprise? Would you guys care to explain to me why you're here?"

Emmett and Rosalie stared at me with dumbfounded expressions, looking back and forth between each other like a couple of cartoons. The ridiculousness of the situation almost made me laugh.

"Jesus Christ, you guys," I huffed, irritated. "What in the fuck is wrong with you, huh? Are you stupid or just plain inconsiderate?"

"What do you mean, man?" Emmett replied innocently.

I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head. "Don't give me that bullshit. I can't believe you would do this to me today—on mother-fucking Christmas! Do you have any idea how fucking..." I paused, breathing in deeply and gaining some needed composure. I sighed. "You do realize that Bella isn't some fucking sideshow freak, right? That she doesn't deserve people coming over and bombarding her, just so they can gawk at her like she's some God damned oddity."

My blood was boiling now, making the tips of my ears hot and causing my face to flush crimson red—at least that's what it felt like to me. Thankfully the sudden heat that coursed through my veins made the twenty degree weather and the smattering of snow on the front lawn no longer an issue.

In truth, I was really trying to keep my cool with them. I didn't want to get all irrational and lose my temper by flying off the handle. There was no telling what sort of shit would come out of my mouth, but as I looked over at their unapologetic faces, I found that all my reasonable logic went out the fucking window. Their  _blatant_ indifference to my anger only seemed to fuel my wrath even more.

_Fucking assholes, didn't they have their own families to torture? Why me?_

"Edward, will you just relax," Jasper said as he reached out to soothe me.

I jerked away from him. "Don't tell me to fucking relax, Jazz, alright? What did you did think was going to happen? Did you really believe that I would be happy about this?  _Seriously_?" I fumed as I paced the wooden patio, glowering at my so-called friends.

Emmett shrugged his massive shoulders as he looked down at his feet. "Well, we knew you would be a little surprised to see us, but we didn't think you would actually get … _mad._ "

 _Who are these people?_ I thought, astounded.

Did they honestly think that this sort of behavior was acceptable?

Granted, any other day, I wouldn't have given two shits if they just showed up at my house unannounced like this. I probably would've welcomed them in with open arms and told my mom to make a few extra plates for them...

But they weren't there for me.

They were there to scout out my girlfriend, and by knowing this, it changed my reaction to their impromptu visit… _dramatically_.

"Really, Edward, you're overreacting…" Rose muttered, rolling her eyes at me, "…as usual."

"Excuse me?" I asked as I stared at her, completely shocked by the sheer audacity of her words. " _I'm_ overreacting?"

"Yeah, you're completely going off the limb...over nothing," she told me as she threw her hair over her shoulder and examined her nails.

In the back of my mind, I knew that I should've ignored her. All she was trying to do was get a rise out of me.

She was an evil bitch, and everyone knew that about her. Hell, she was actually proud of it!

 _But_ today wasn't the day to be fucking with me. My temper was short, and I was already in full throttle, speeding down the highway towards a head on collision.

I was looking for blood and she offered herself to me freely—practically on a silver fucking platter.

My gentlemanly manners my mom taught me were a distant memory now and I was no longer willing to play nice…at least not with her.

"Remind me again, who  _exactly_ invited you over to my house, Rose? It sure as hell wasn't me," I spat.

"I did." Jasper stepped in and answered.

I laughed dryly, throwing my arms up into the air. "Of course you did, Jazz. Why wouldn't you? This whole thing reeks of your doing."

"Look, Edward, I know I over stepped my boundaries by inviting them—"

"You God damned right you did," I interrupted. "This is  _my_ parent's house, okay? You're  _our_ guest, Jazz. You can't just go inviting anyone you fucking want. Besides, that's not even the fucking issue anymore. What pisses me off is that you would go behind my back like this. You're my cousin, man. Where's the fucking loyalty? I thought you and I had an understanding."

"We do, Edward…it's just…" he hesitated, glancing over at Emmett, obviously looking for some backup.

"You all just figured that I would bend over and take it in the ass, right?  _'Oh, Edward, he's such a forgiving guy, he'll let us fuck him over'_ ," I said bitterly.

"Edward," Jasper stated slowly and cautiously, "Look, I didn't think you would  _actually_ bring her over here today. The last time we talked, you sort of insinuated that she wasn't coming."

I furrowed my brows in confusion, trying to understand his fucking reasoning, but there was no point.

He wasn't making any God damned sense.

"Really?" I retorted, rubbing the creases in my forehead. "Then why are these two knuckleheads here?"

"Just in case she was," Jazz replied sheepishly.

"And you don't see how fucking jacked that is?" I asked in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say? They asked me if it would be alright if they could stop by for about five minutes or so to meet her. I didn't think it would be that big of an issue, so, I said they could come. That's all it was," Jasper explained.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to keep myself under control. I was talking to a brick wall. The more I tried to stress my point the less they understood. Their complete ignorance was infuriating.

I sighed, exasperated. "Yeah, I know you guys want to meet her and shit, but you can't just show up at my doorstep and expect me not to be pissed off about it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't I still reserve that right to choose when or where you guys get to meet her? You know, she's  _my_ fucking girlfriend in all!"

"Edward _. Dude_ ," Emmett said in a placating tone, placing his hand on my shoulder, "we didn't know if you would ever introduce her to us. You've been so secretive about your relationship with her. We got a little impatient waiting on you. So, we sort of took matters into our own hands. Sue us. We were curious."

"You guys were curious?" I questioned, folding my arms over my chest. "Is that right? And this is supposed to excuse you guys from barging in on me like you did?"

"Well, yeah," Emmett answered with a shrug, genuinely believing that their actions were just.

"Un-fucking-believable," I muttered as I started pacing the porch again.

My hands kept twitching towards my pant pockets, only to be rudely reminded that I was smoke free now. It'd only been a week since I've had my last cigarette, and that fact alone only seemed to add to my anger.

"Jesus Christ, you're just a bunch of ignorant assholes, aren't you? Well guess what, I don't owe you guys a fucking thing. Nor do I have to try to explain myself to you. Whatever reasons I have to keep the details of my relationship—with my fucking girlfriend—private is my God damned business," I seethed. "You understand?"

"Edward, you're blowing this way out of proportion," Jasper added, echoing Rosalie's earlier statement. "Why are you getting so worked up about it?"

_'Round and round we go, where we stop nobody knows…'_

I should've gone into the house at this point...but I didn't...like an idiot.

"You  _honestly_ can't see why I would be pissed off about this?" I asked, fucking baffled.

"No, I get it, man. What I  _don't_ get is why you're acting like our intentions were bad. All we wanted to do was meet her," Jazz defended.

"Okay, fine. You want to meet her. I get that. But whatever happened to having respect for me as your friend? All of you have been so cavalier about my feelings that none of you stopped to think about how this would affect Bella. All you've done is doubt my feelings for her."

"What? That's not true. We've been nothing but supportive of you, man," Jasper shot back, offended.

"Damn straight!" Emmett boomed.

"That's bullshit and you guys know it. It just fucking kills me that any excitement that I had about bringing Bella home is fucking ruined. You guys managed to take that away from me by being so pushy and self-centered. Now with the way I'm feeling, I don't even want you guys to meet her," I told them truthfully, shrugging my shoulders. "And that's what sucks."

"Give me a break," Rose mumbled under her breath.

My head snapped up and I shot my heated glance in her direction.

She—of all fucking people—didn't have a right to talk on this matter.

Because I knew the  _real_ reason why she was standing there, on my parent's porch, with her penetrating blue eyes fixated on me.

Unlike Emmett and Jasper, who were genuinely curious to meet the new girl in my life, Rose had her own agenda to accomplish.

She didn't give a damn about Bella.

All she wanted to do was study her.

 _This_ woman was using my Mistress and our lifestyle like some God damned school science project. She wanted to fucking exploit her and shit, and quite frankly, I wasn't going to allow that.

The quiet acceptance of my parents had planted a seed in me. Somehow in the last hour or so, I was able to finally realize that I had nothing to be ashamed of.

My life with Bella was a little unorthodox, that was a given, but there was still more to us than the simple titles of the Domme and her submissive.

That feeling was instilled in me now. It was deeply rooted in my blood. I was no longer the same Edward that Rosalie came across last week.

That lost and broken man who cowered to her, simply because he was afraid that she would expose his dirty secret to his friends, was gone, and in his place was me.

I wasn't going to apologize for who I was anymore.

So what if she told Jazz and Em about my submissive tendencies?

After the way they just ambushed me and my girl today, I didn't care what they thought about me.

_Fuck em'._

In my opinion, their actions were far more devious and corrupt than me getting whipped and flogged by a beautiful woman.

Anything I've ever done with Bella in the privacy of our bedroom was nothing compared to what these fucking assholes were doing out in the open.

I was sick and tired of all the lies that I've managed to create.

It was bullshit and I was done being a fraud.

"Did you have something that you would like to add to the discussion, Rose?" I asked as politely as I could, keeping my fury at bay.

She looked up at me, surprised that I addressed her so boldly. "Well, I think you know the way I feel about the situation, Edward."

I shook my head, feigning ignorance. "Actually, I don't. So, why don't you enlighten us on your view of everything," I challenged. "I'm all ears."

She chuckled, glancing back and forth between Jasper and Emmett, raising her eyebrow up at me skeptically. "Are you sure you want me to travel down that road? It might get bumpy."

"You know what, Rose, I really don't give a shit what you do anymore," I replied indifferently.

She stared at me for a second, trying to find a contradiction to my words, but she'll realize the truth soon enough...

I wasn't bluffing.

"Don't test me, Edward," she warned, looking about her wildly. "I am more than willing to blow the lid off this whole charade of yours."

The power and leverage she assumed she had over me was nothing but a distant fucking memory now.

_Poof!_

All of it vanished into the thin air.

"Do it then, Rose, and watch what happens. There is nothing you could say right now would make the least bit of difference to me. The only thing it'll do is make  _you_ look bad in the end. Not me," I told her frankly.

She hesitated with her words as we all watched her, waiting for her catty reply, but as I expected, her voice got caught in her throat.

_I fucking knew it._

"So, you got nothing then?" I asked tauntingly.

Who's the fucking coward now?

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Emmett asked, confused. "Is there something you're not telling us, man?"

"You know what, there is something I want to tell you guys," I said, smirking over at Rosalie. "In fact, I should've told you last Saturday, but I was too big of a fucking chicken shit. I thought if I was truthful to you guys about my relationship with Bella that you would write me off and never speak to me again."

"Tell us what?" Jasper asked, curiously.

"It's about me and Bella and the fact that—"

"You're gay!" Emmett blurted out.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "No, I'm not gay. It's about Bella and—"

"Bella's a dude?" he shouted, his eyes widening.

"Jesus Christ, Em, will you fucking let me talk? You're the one who pointed her out at the coffee shop, remember? Did she look like a fucking dude to you then?"

"Well, no," he answered truthfully.

"Then why in the hell would you think otherwise…and more importantly, why would you ever think I was fucking gay?" I asked, slighted.

"I've never thought you're gay, I just…I just assumed that it would be the only thing that you would want to keep hidden from us," he admitted.

"Well, I'm not, okay? And Bella isn't a dude," I replied, annoyed.

"Ain't that the truth? Man, I tell you what, Em, I've  _met_ her," Jasper spoke up, nudging Emmett with his elbow and wagging his eyebrows at him, " and trust me, with that face and that body, there is no way in hell anyone would ever mistake her for a guy."

_Mother fucker..._

It was the second time today that he fucking did that shit.

Bella was  _mine_ , and it really pissed me off that he would think of her that way.

It was downright disrespectful.

I wasn't a fucking idiot and I understood that she was a gorgeous woman. Men were men and they were going to look at her. I  _knew_ that. Hell, it was her undeniable beauty that drew me to her in the first place, but even so, I still didn't want my friends to be attracted to her.

She should be asexual to them.

"Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? You really need to stop fucking doing that, asshole," I growled as I tightened my fists at my side, preparing to punch him in the gut.

Jasper looked back at me somewhat startled and confused. "Doing what?"

"Keep talking about her like…like she's some God damned random of mine. She's  _my_ girlfriend, Jazz, alright? Have some fucking respect," I replied through my clenched teeth.

Emmett's jaw dropped as he stared at me, clearly taken back with my comment. Jasper, on the other hand, was enjoying the reaction he was getting out of me.

He was hoping to ignite that spark in me...that raging and uncontrollable fire.

It was obvious to me that this was a game to him, simply by the way he insisted on taunting me and what he had told me earlier about testing my feelings for a girl by flirting with her and being a downright prick.

It was getting old.

As much as I wanted to come clean to them about my relationship, I also felt like it was something that was sacred between Bella and me. It was a part of our bond that I wanted to keep close to the vest...and it really wasn't any of their God damned business.

Besides, I wasn't the fucking type to kiss and tell…well, not anymore, anyway.

"You know what?" I announced abruptly. "I'm actually done talking with you guys about this. I'm really not in the mood to sit here and hash it all out. It's pretty fucking obvious to me that this is just one big fucking joke to you."

"What? That's bullshit," Jasper protested through his giddy grins.

"Thank you, asshole! You just proved my fucking point," I grumbled as I headed towards the front door. I stopped with my back to them and I sighed. "Look, I gotta get back in the house—"

"Dude, don't go," Emmett interrupted as he reached out and grabbed a hold if my arm, swinging me around to face him.

" _And,_ " I continued, shrugging him off as I glared at him and Rosalie. "I would really appreciate if you and your  _girlfriend_ got the fuck off my parent's porch, kapeesh? Have a Merry Christmas, fuckers."

The looks of pure shock and horror displayed across their faces was classic, and I wished I had a camera to document this epic moment. In some way, I wasn't all that angry at them anymore, but I was still a little bitter about how everything went down. After their little stunt, I had it in my mind to totally write them off. It wasn't completely unforgivable offense, but I wasn't about to let them get off so easily, either.

However, my quick getaway wasn't perfectly choreographed like I originally hoped and it was instantly foiled by my rotten luck.

Just as I turned to open the front door, I came face to face with the last person I wanted to see at that moment.

_Bella._

She looked up at me a little panicked and flustered. Her face was flushed and her lips were pursed into a tight line. The very sight of her beautiful face caught me off guard, but still managed to have this calming effect over me.

It was practically instantaneous.

"There you are!" she stated, relieved. "Dinner is ready, and I have been up and down this house looking for you. I swore I was going to put you on the horse if you ended up ditching me and leaving me here with your nana..." she trailed off as she looked over my shoulder, noticing the people behind me.

"Damn, so close," I groaned, disappointed, hanging my head.

She placed her hand on my chest as she stepped to the side of me and offered her other hand out to Emmett and Rosalie.

It annoyed me that I wasted so much time out here with these fools and now they got exactly what they wanted. And it wasn't like I could push Bella inside and demand that she not meet them…

Me, control my Domme? Not fucking happening.

I was going to have to grin and bear it.

"Hi there, I'm Bella..." she said as she shook Emmett's hand, "and you are?"

He stared at her with a slacked-jaw, completely hypnotized by her words. The hard slap to the back of his head from Rose gave him the jolt he needed and he quickly snapped out of it.

"Hi, I'm Edward's best friend," he claimed dumbly and I scoffed at his assertion. "My name's Emmett."

"It's nice to meet you, Emmett, and who is this strikingly, beautiful woman standing beside you?" Bella smiled, holding her hand out to Rose now.

She pushed Em aside and swiftly took a firm grasp if Bella's hand, shaking it boisterously. "My name is Rosalie Hale. I'm this buffoon's girlfriend."

"Rosalie Hale, huh? You look very familiar to me. Have we met before?" Bella asked.

Rose stood up straighter, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as she shook her head. "No, I don't think we've ever met directly, but I'm pretty sure I've met a few of your associates in the past."

Bella tilted her head to the side, looking over Rose and assessing her. "Really? Are you and your boyfriend in the lifestyle?"

_Whoa…alrighty then._

Well, it's pretty obvious that Bella didn't have any qualms about telling the truth. It was a bit staggering to watch her be so open with the people in my life, but then again, Rose  _did_ make it sound like she was an active participant in our lifestyle.

_That conniving little..._

"No, we're not," she answered quickly. "I just did a social paper on it for one of my classes last semester, and I was around the club a lot interviewing people."

"Um, can I ask you what you all are talking about?" Jasper questioned suspiciously.

"Yeah, I'm a little confused myself," Emmett agreed, looking at me for some answers.

Bella turned around to face me, her brow furrowed questioningly. "You didn't tell them about me?"

I shook my head. "I didn't think it was any of their business."

"Oh," she said, surprised. "Well, do you mind if I do then?"

"It's completely up to you, babe. As long as you're okay with them knowing, I don't mind," I said putting on a brave face, but inside, I was having a mini panic attack.

"I don't mind if people know," she said with a firm nod as she turned away from me and looked over at my friends. "I'm a Dominatrix."

It was the very moment that I've been dreading for so long, but I was also fucking thankful that it was finally out in the open. There was no more guessing whether or not my friends were going to accept me. I was going to really find out once and for all what they thought about my girl being a Domme.

When all was said and done, it wasn't what I expected...

It was fucking better.

First of all, the guys were speechless. They both stared at her, waiting for her to tell them the punch line of some joke. In a way, it was pretty fucking funny to watch their faces go through a plethora of emotions. It was mostly confusion before realization settled in.

Bella wasn't fucking with them.

"But...but Edward said you were the boys' teacher," Emmett stammered.

Bella and I both laughed.

"Yes, that's true...sort of. I don't teach the boys, but I do teach an art class up at the school. On the weekends I moonlight as Dominatrix," Bella explained through her soft chuckling.

Rose's smug smile slowly faded when she saw the guys' interest being piqued instead of the appalled reaction like she hoped.

"So, what does a Dominatrix do... _exactly_?" Jasper asked.

"Well, it varies. It depends on the Domme and her submissive, but I'm generally open to all sorts of things. I'll spare you the gory details, of course," she said coyly.

I smiled to myself as I thought back to all the things we've done in the last month…gory details indeed.

"Do you actually whip guys?" Emmett asked, excited.

"Don't be crude, Em," Rose castigated, folding her arms over her chest...pouting.

"Oh, no, it's okay," Bella rushed to assure her. "That's actually a legitimate question. I do, in fact, whip my subs, Emmett. It's actually my favorite part."

"That's awesome," he said, glancing over at me now. "Do you let her whip you, Edward?"

_Do I_ _**let** _ _her?_

I almost laughed at the ludicrous notion of his question.

"Well," I started to say, hesitating briefly as I wondered how much I wanted to divulge to them.

It was a fucking relief to see my friends being so receptive of my girl and the lifestyle. They weren't looking at me like I was this sexual deviant or some freak of nature, but their automatic acceptance wasn't something I could trust, either. In truth, it made me slightly nervous and uncomfortable.

_How much did I actually want to share with them?_

Naturally, it didn't take me long to answer that question.

"That shit is really none of your business, Em," I snapped.

"What? It was a legitimate question. Isn't that right, Bells?" Emmett asked, already nicknaming my girl, and looking over at her for confirmation.

She shook her head, sadly. "Sorry to break it to you,  _Em_ , but I have to side with Edward on this one. He has the right to keep his private life private."

"Aw, that's lame. You're only saying that because you're his girlfriend," Em snorted.

Bella laughed as she looked up at me briefly, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, I guess you've got me all figured out now, don't you?"

"How long have you been a Dominatrix?" Jasper inquired, redirecting Bella's attention back to him.

Jazz was standing erect and rigid. He was trying to phrase his question in studious manner, and I shot him a skeptical look. I wasn't entirely convinced that he really gave a shit about knowing the details of her life.

"A few years or so," Bella answered. "I have a Dungeon in the east side of Chicago that I own. I've had it for about two to three years now."

"How old are you?" Rose questioned, stepping out from behind her tree of a boyfriend.

"I just turned twenty-five," Bella said.

Rose crinkled her nose up like she just got a big whiff of a foul fart. "What in the hell are you doing with Edward?"

I glared at her, responding to her through my clenched jaw. "Apparently she likes to slum every now and then."

"That's obvious." Rose sniffed.

Bella glowered at me as she reached down and grabbed my hand, squeezing the shit out of it until it was throbbing in pain. It was her way of communicating to me that she was more than a little pissed off by my comment.

"What?" I said. "It's the truth. Even my mom says so."

She shook her head at me, disapprovingly. "You know better than that, Edward. I don't slum. You got that?" she said sternly.

"Sorry, Mistress," I mumbled quietly.

Emmett let a loud guffaw. "Holy shit! Damn, man, she totally just put the smack down on you! Your girl is a saucy little thing, E. That's fucking hot."

I tried to ignore him, even though my finger was itching to flip him off.

Luckily Bella was smart, and unlike me, she knew when it was time to make her exit.

"Well, Edward and I have to get back inside...are you two planning to stay for dinner?" Bella asked.

"No," I said quickly, shaking my head adamantly.

"Oh..." Bella said a little put off by abruptness. " _Okay_. Well, it was nice to meet you guys.  _And_ , Rose, if you ever have any questions for me or are interested in a little Domme training, you should give me a call, and we'll talk."

_Say what now?_

Rose's eyes widened. "Are you for real?"

Bella laughed. "Of course, I am. Here, Do you have your phone on you? I'll just program my number into it."

"Yes!" Rose nearly shouted as she dug into her purse and pulled out her BlackBerry, handing it to Bella.

I watched as this shit went down, fucking powerless to stop it. The last thing I wanted was more Rose in my life.

_Fuck._

"Here you go, Doll," Bella said, giving Rose back her phone. "Just call or text me and let me know what days you might want to get together."

"I will. That's just...wow, that's so cool of you. Thank you!" Rose replied, fucking beside herself as she bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet.

I frowned slightly, really not enjoying this overly eager side of Rose. God, I just hoped Bella knew what she was doing.

"Oh, it's no problem," Bella said, waving her off. "I'm happy to do it. Well, we  _really_  need to get back inside now. It was nice to finally meet some of Edward's friends. You guys have a Merry Christmas. Come, Edward," Bella commanded as she tugged on my hand and pulled me towards the door.

"Merry Christmas," they all said in sing-song unison.

I silently cursed them, mouthing off profanities as Bella led me back into the house. They waved at me with small smirks on each of their traitorous faces.

_Fucking jackasses..._

Once the door was closed behind us and we were alone in the foyer, Bella stopped in the middle of the room and whipped around to face me.

"So, those were the friends you were afraid to tell?" she asked.

"I wouldn't,  _exactly_ , call them friends," I answered sullenly.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me, giving me a firm and authoritative look. "Are those the friends you were afraid to tell?"

"Yes, Mistress," I replied automatically, reverting back into my submissive mode.

She sighed, placing her hand on my cheek. "You shouldn't be afraid to be who you are, Edward—e _ver_. You know, they were actually pretty nice. It's quite clear how much they care for you—well, except for the blonde. She absolutely despises you. Did you use to date her?"

I scoffed. "Fuck no...I mean, no, I haven't."

"Well, I don't know what you did to cause such hostility from her, but I  _literally_  felt the hate come off her in waves. I think she needs an outlet for all that negative energy."

"Are you really going to train her?" I asked, appalled.

She shrugged. "I might. Who knows? She's certainly got that Domme edge to her. I could tell by the way she puts Emmett in his place. I've actually been looking for someone to replace Victoria..." Bella paused, looking behind her quickly, lowering her voice. "Speaking of which, your mom told me about firing Victoria, and I couldn't believe some of the things she was telling me. That woman shouldn't be around people, let alone be allowed to take care of kids. I'm just glad your mom got rid of her before she could really do some damage."

"Seriously, you're going to make Rose a Dominatrix?" I pouted, completely ignoring her attempt to distract me. "Can you really train something that evil?"

Bella chuckled. "Will you relax? It may actually bring you two closer together. You never know, Emmett and you might have something new in common."

"That isn't funny, Bella. All I wanted was for my friends to accept my lifestyle; I didn't actually want them to be a part of it."

"Aren't you greedy little sub," she said, smiling at me seductively. "You still haven't told your parents about me, have you?"

"No...Well, not outright, anyways," I admitted sheepishly. "Why?"

"Well, when your mom was talking about Victoria, she made it a point to stress that she didn't fire her because she found out she was a Dominatrix. She actually started praising people who choose that lifestyle. So, I kind of figured you said something to her," Bella explained.

"That doesn't surprise me that she caught on to the little clues I was giving her," I said. "I'm just happy that she made an effort to make you feel welcomed. You think we can make this actually work?"

"Make what work?" Bella asked.

I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her towards me. " _Us_."

Bella nodded, smiling softly as she wrapping her arms around me. "I'm starting to think we really can."

I grinned, fucking filled with elation as I bent down to kiss her. "Well, Merry fucking Christmas to me."

"Feliz Navidad," she whispered against my hovering lips.

"Get a room," Jasper hollered—rudely interrupting as he came prancing in like a fucking show horse.

He pushed his way past us with Em and Rosalie hot on his trail.

"What the fuck is this?" I barked.

"They're staying for dinner, doucheward. I've already okay it with your mom. She said it was more than fine. The more the merrier even. So, fucking deal with it," Jasper shouted back at me.

"Are you kidding me with this shit?" I growled, irritated.

I watched as they made their way into the family dining room, completely astonished by their ever growing lack of respect for me. It was fucking insane how much they really didn't give a shit about me or my fucking feelings. Their total discard for both was extremely hurtful.

 _God_ , now they were making me sound like some whiny ass bitch.

"This is a fucking nightmare," I murmured as I dropped my head into my hands.

How did my house turn into such circus? It was like the moment I weathered one storm, another one blows in and makes shit even crazier. It was barely two in the afternoon and I was already at my wits end...when was this shit going to let up?

"It's going to be okay, Edward," Bella said soothingly as she rubbed my back.

"I need a fucking drink," I decided abruptly as I went stomping off into my dad's den.

Bursting through the doors, I was grateful to see that Jaspers parents had vacated the room. I just hoped that they left me some fucking alcohol.

Those Whitlock's were known to clean out the liquor supply without even trying.

Stingy bastards.

My father liquor cabinet door was still propped open, but down to the left of it was a clear glass mini fridge. The sight of this wet bar set-up had stopped me in my tracks. Not only was he balling like a player, but he was fully stocked with some quality shit.

I mean, he had everything: Tequila, rum, scotch, vodka, whiskey, and Jägermeister.

It was an alcoholic's wet dream.

Grabbing the open bottle on the table, I snagged an empty shot glass and filled it up to the brim. The sweet aroma was invading my senses and as I drank it, the brown essence went down smoothly, burning my throat, and immediately calmed my nerves.

After my first shot, I was feeling the stress of today being wiped away. Fuck, after a few more these, I wasn't going to give a shit about anything.

I was hooked.

As I stood in front of the cabinet, I poured the last bit of the scotch into my glass and tipped it back.

I was about to make myself another drink when Bella came strolling the room. She pressed her body up against the door until she heard the clicking noise of the handle, locking it behind her.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me sadly. "Are you sure drinking is the right way to go?"

"Probably not," I answered as I locked eyes with her, "but I quit smoking cold turkey. My dick is fucking dysfunctional, and I sure as hell don't have any weed on me. I'm kind of out of options here."

She looked so fucking hot, staring at me as she leaned against that door. Her dark brown eyes hooded with lust and my sole focus was on her chest now. I watched her intently as she breathed in and out.

Up and down.

Her perfect and perky breasts were heaving slowly, pushing against the thin cotton fabric of her blouse.

" _Fuck_ ," I muttered as I reached up and grabbed an unopened bottle of Cognac. "I need another drink."

"Edward," Bella sighed, "you have to find other ways to relieve your stress."

"I know I do," I said as I downed another shot. "But today, this is going to have to do...unless."

"Unless what?" Bella asked, puzzled.

Setting down my glass, I made up my mind in that split second and rushed over towards her. It was going to screw me in the end, but I couldn't resist her anymore. It was like she was this fucking magnet, pulling me to her, and I couldn't control my own feet.

They moved on their own accord and they didn't stop until I was right up on her. My hands were in her hair as I yanked her head roughly towards me. I needed to fucking kiss her and I wasn't going to take no for an answer.

Bella responded to me as she grabbed two handfuls of my shirt and jerked me further into her body.

My pelvis was pinning her small frame against the door, keeping her trapped under me as I put my mouth on every inch of her skin.

I refused to let her escape.

The tension in my groin area was increasing with each thrust of my hips and I could feel the stitches being stretched and pulled under the distress, but I was addicted to her. All the warnings signs that I needed to stop shouted at me, but I was lost in the feel of my Mistress. The loud pounding of my heart drowned out all of my sensible logic. The fear and the excitement were swirling around us now.

I knew I was breaking the rules by being so aggressive with my Mistress...but I couldn't find it in me to care.

_Fuck it!_

The alcohol was dulling my senses of pain and increasing my feelings of pleasure.

My hardness was pressed against Bella's stomach, making his presence known to her. She gasped loudly, pushing away from me, and removing my mouth from her sweet neck.

"Damn it, Edward!" she scolded.

"What?" I questioned, confused, moving my lips to hers again.

She put her hand over my mouth and growled. "You need to stop this shit right now!"

"Why?" I whined.

"Because your whole family is out there waiting for us... _God_ , Edward, you're so stupid sometimes. You have to learn to control your urges."

"I know," I said, sadly. "But it's hard."

_Literally._

"You don't think it's killing me, too? I fight, every single second, to keep my hands off you. It drives me nuts how badly I want you at times, but I realize that there is a time and a place for everything. This is neither the time nor the place," she said.

"I just want to taste you—"

"Stop right there," she said, covering my mouth with her hand again. "You can't say that sort of stuff to me."

I smiled, enjoying the obvious effect my words had over her. It was a nice to know that she was suffering as much as I was. The only difference was she could manually relieve herself anytime she wanted.

Damn, the image of her pleasuring herself was displayed in the forefront of my psyche, causing my already significant erection to grow even more. It was straining against my jeans, hurting more than I cared to describe, and I was acutely aware of how fucking stupid I was.

"Edward," Bella spoke softly, bringing my attention back to her. "We need to get out there before they come looking for us...do you think you can do that?"

"I may need a minute or two," I grimaced as I stepped away from her, placing the palm of my hand on my groin.

"God damn it," Bella frowned.

"I'll be okay...I just need to calm myself," I assured her.

"Why don't you go sit down over there and I'll pour us both a drink, okay?" she told me, pointing me over towards the leather sofa.

"Alright."

She sat me down and I leaned my head back, closing my eyes and applied more pressure to my junk.

The pain was slowly dissipating and I was going to have to check the stitches soon, but I was too freaked out to look.

Bella returned, sitting down beside me, and running her fingers through my hair.

"Here, drink this while I check your stitches," she told me.

I opened my eyes and took the drink, downing it quickly. She unbuckled my pants and I turned away, fucking too much of a chicken shit to look.

"How bad is it?" I asked nervously.

"It's okay," she said as she zipped me back up. "Their fine, but you need to stop pressing your luck, Edward. Next time they  _will_  bust open and you'll be laid up in the hospital again. Do you want that to happen?"

"No, not particularly," I said.

"You have to behave then, Edward. That means no more getting sexually aroused until the stitches are removed on Thursday," she instructed.

"Yeah, that's unlikely," I blurted out.

She raised her eyebrow up at me. "How so?"

"Well, are you going to suddenly become undesirable to me? Because unless you grow a mustache or some manly chest hair that shit ain't ever going to happen—and even that is fucking debatable," I said offhandedly.

My fifth shot finally hit me and I was feeling a slight buzz.

She laughed. "Well, you're going to have to find a way, Edward."

"Mind over cock." I nodded thoughtfully.

"Oh, dear, dinner should be fun," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Maybe it'll be best if I leave you in here for awhile and let you sober up."

"I'm not drunk, Bella," I argued. "I have a high tolerance for alcohol."

"That may be, but you're a little inhibited at the moment and you tend to say stupid shit even when you're completely coherent. God only knows what will come out of that mouth of yours."

I smiled cheekily, rising to my feet, and offering my hand out to her. "Well, let's go find out. I'm really not giving a shit what people think right now."

She sighed, heavily, shaking her head at me. "That's what I'm afraid of. I knew I should've brought that ball-gag with me. It was on my dresser and everything."

"You're telling me, babe. All the trouble I could actually fucking save myself if I was just muzzled," I said seriously.

"You have such a colorful way of saying things," Bella mused.

"It's sexy, right?" I asked as I placed my hands on her hips, slowly pulling her into me.

"It has a certain charm," she admitted, biting down gently on her bottom lip.

"Now  _that's_  fucking sexy," I grunted as I bent down to kiss her.

"Ugh, you're impossible," she groaned, dodging my lips and roughly pushing me away. "Come on; let's get going before we really bust open those stitches of yours."


	32. Dante's Inferno

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**~Dante's Inferno~**

Following closing behind Bella as we entered the dining room, I noticed that everyone had already taken their seats. The food was on the table and my stomach gurgled loudly in response. Bella shot me a quick glance over her shoulder and chuckled softly.

It smelled so fucking good.

My eyes combed over the entire room as Bella pulled me towards the head of the table where my father sat. He kept his eyes squarely on me, flashing a toothy, somewhat knowing smile—almost as if he knew we screwed in his office or something.

 _Yeah, I fucking wish_.

"So glad that you two finally decided to join us," my nana said snootily. "We almost sent out the search team. God forbid people  _actually_ get lost in this tiny house."

I kept my eyes glued to the back of Bella's head and clenched my jaw. The last thing I wanted to do was go off on my nana. It would make this day far more tortuous than it already was and I didn't want to further complicate things by making people uncomfortable...even though most of these assholes fucking deserved it.

I mainly kept my mouth shut for my parents and Bella's sake.

However, I didn't let the Christmas dinner crashers get away so easily. Even if I could outwardly bash them, I could at least give them one of my hateful glares.

They were all seated, ever so comfortably, by Jasper and his family. They watched my every move with arrogant smirks on their stupid faces—apparently their conscience was clear, even though they've heartlessly fucked me over.

When Bella and I got to our seats, I saw that Masen and Anthony were already occupying my place at the table. They both smiled up at her and patted the empty chair that was situated between them.

"Awe, thank you, boys," she said as she tousled their hair and sat down. "You're too sweet."

I gritted my teeth, annoyed. I could already see where this fucking shit was going.

"Nope, this shit is not happening, miniature Hughes. You're getting up," I said gruffly as I hovered over them. " _Now_."

They both looked up at me all wide eyed and innocent, but neither of them attempted to move a single muscle.

"Look, guys, I don't care which one of you gets up, but I guarantee you that one of you will be moving," I said. "Even if that means I have to physically remove you myself."

"But we were here first, Edward," Masen replied assertively.

I chuckled dryly."Is that so? Well, I have a birth certificate that says otherwise. Now, vamoose!"

The twins hesitated briefly, looking over at Bella and seeking her support, but she was busy talking with my parents. She was completely oblivious to everything that was going down.

I smiled, locking eyes with Anthony and bent down to his level. "Now, what's it going to be? Are you going to move your ass or am I going to move it for you?"

After a minute or so of our Mexican standoff, he finally gave in.

"Ugh, fine, Edward!" Anthony huffed as he stood up from his seat. "I'll move."

"That's a good lad," I said condescendingly, patting him on his head.

He jutted out his lip and swatted me off. He stomped his feet, loudly, as he went stalking off towards our dad and taking the empty seat beside him. He then threw his arms over his chest like a pouting five year old and slouched down into his chair.

It was the second time today that I picked on Anthony, but he deserved it. I was still punishing him for being a loud mouth little shit. If he was old enough to talk dirty about my girl than he was old enough to suffer the consequences.

Sitting down in my seat triumphantly, I reached across the table and poured myself a glass of wine.

It wasn't the hard liquor that I craved, but it was better than nothing.

Bella leaned over and whispered into my ear. "You do realize that  _you_ get to go home with me, right?"

I looked over at her slightly confused.

"Well, you're acting a little territorial over a seat, Edward," she explained.

"Oh, that?" I replied, downing the glass of Merlot. "I was just having some fun."

"Uh huh, sure you were. Are you going to be alright?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah, of course...Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, refilling my glass to the brim.

She eyed my glass as she placed her hand on my thigh and squeezed gently, "You need to slow down."

I nodded in compliance, sipping my wine slowly and daintily instead of just chugging it.

She shook her head and laughed. "Smartass."

I smiled as I reached down and took full of advantage of my spot by her side by grasping a hold of her hand. Even amongst the craziness and drama of the day, it was a relief to see that none of that bullshit had affected my relationship with her.

Hell, considered where we've been, the bullshit we've dealt with today was practically a fucking cake walk.

Of course, this was probably the liquor talking, considering that I was feeling far more relaxed than I was ten minutes ago.

"So, Esme," my nana said suddenly and gaining the whole rooms attention.

My mom looked up at her as she passed the green beans over to my father. "Yes, Lillian?"

The food was being passed around like a fucking assembly line, and the silence up until that point had been  _nice_ , but of course, my nana couldn't leave well enough alone and had to go fuck it all up.

The devil, formally known as my nana, continued. "I noticed the new painting hanging up in the den. Where did you come by it? It doesn't look like anything I've seen in art galleries in downtown Chicago. Is it some cheap knock off that you happened to pick up at yard sale?"

My mom shook her head and smiled sweetly. "It's a Mike Wong Joon Fong painting."

"A what, who now? A Fong Shui?" Nana asked mockingly. "Who's this person? He sounds made-up."

"He's an up and comer, actually. I met him a few months back at one of his art gallery openings," my mom said.

"Well, I've never heard of him," my nana snorted. "It sounds...  _tawdry_. How much money did you spend?"

"No offense, Lillian, but I rather not divulge what I spend on things," my mom said.

"Oh, dear, you overpaid for that finger painting, didn't you? That's why you don't want to tell us how much you spent," My nana feigned mocked surprised. "Well, live and learn, I say."

My mom forced a smile. "Well, thank you for the advice, Lillian."

"Carlisle," My nana called, turning to my father now, "do you know what your wife is spending your money on?"

"Mom, I was there when she bought the painting," my dad answered tersely. "And it's not just my money; it's both of our money."

God, Nana was fucking infuriating. She always acted like my mom was this gold digging hussy, when in actuality; she was a trust fund baby.

My mom was wealthier than my dad. She's the one who paid for this house, my college tuition, and Emmett's rent—which she still didn't know about.

"Well, how was I supposed to know that, Carlisle? It's not like Esme works. Well, I guess you can call being a housewife a job, but even then, she just hires people to clean her house and raise her kids."

"Whoa, hold the fuck on," I blurted out, throwing my napkin down on the table.

"Edward," my mom and Bella reprimanded me at the same time.

"What?" I shot back confused.

My mom held up her hand and shook her head at me.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about, Esme. Lack of respect," Nana stated haughtily, glaring at me with her piercing blue eyes.

I slunk back into my seat and poked at my food. It was pointless to sit there and try to argue with her, but she was making it fucking difficult to keep my cool.

"Oh, blah," my aunt Whitlock said and waved her hand dismissively at my nana, "you know what, Lillian; no one really cares what you think. You're nothing but a sad bully."

The room erupted with a multitude of reactions. Most were shocked by my Aunt Evelyn's bluntness.

 _I_ , on the other hand, was fucking ecstatic.

"Are you drunk again, dear?" my nana retorted somewhat bored as she poked at her food. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"Even if I was sober, I would still think you were a crusty, old bitch," my aunt shot back.

"Oh, my God!" Charlotte groaned, appalled. "Can we not do this, Mother?"

"What am I doing, sweetie? I'm not the one sitting here so high and mighty, acting like their shit doesn't stink," my aunt stated defiantly. "How can you people sit back and take her abuse? Furthermore, how can you allow her to just disrespect Esme? Are you all that afraid of this harmless, wrinkly bag of bones?"

"I agree with Aunt Evelyn, this is bullshit!" I said, reaching over the table and fist bumping her.

Bella pulled back into my seat and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Harold, are you going to just sit there and let them talk to me this way?" my nana whined to my papa, looking for him to defend her.

He sat there quietly and acted as if he never heard her as he focused on his plate of food.

"Carlisle?" She shot her eyes to my father, hoping that he would speak up and stand up for her.

It was clear on his face that he didn't want to be dragged into it, but he was the peace maker of the family, and regardless if he wanted to, he had to make it right.

"Alright, things have gotten a little out of hand," he said. "Let's try to remember that we're family and despite our many differences that we still love each other. So, can we please just get through dinner in peace and with minimal bloodshed?"

Everyone nodded and picked up their forks to eat.

After a few minutes of awkward and uncomfortable silence, Emmett broke through. "Soooo, has anyone seen any good movies lately? I know ' _Tron_ ' looked pretty good."

"Oh, yeah? I've been trying to convince Char to go, but she said it looked stupid," Peter said.

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Eat your ham, Peter."

Of course being a whipped man—and not in a good way— he did as his Mistress instructed and ate his ham.

_What a pussy._

Granted it was a bit hypocritical of me to say that about Peter, but seriously, he was a fucking disgrace. It was obvious he hated his wife and did what she said because he had no fucking balls. It was a completely different dynamic between my Mistress and me. I obeyed her because I wanted to make her happy.

I loved her and cherished her with all I had.

It was strangest thing to see my family with a brand new set of eyes. Everything that I've been through in the last month or so had changed me so dramatically. Suddenly all of my family's actions and behaviors had an underlying meaning to them. I caught myself, on more than one occasion, comparing their life to the one I had with Bella now.

"So, Bella honey, when do you expect hear back about that job in Washington?" my mom asked sweetly and obviously trying to redirect the conversation.

My ears perked up and I sat straight up in my chair, glancing back and forth between Bella and my mom.

"Job?" I asked. "What job?"

Bella looked over at me like a deer caught in the headlights, but quickly overcame that. She took a quick sip of her water and cleared her throat. "I've been offer a job in Seattle. They want me to come up there and teach twelfth grade English and art."

"It sounds like a wonderful opportunity," my dad added.

"How long have you known about this?" I asked.

"I've known about it for a few months now. They offered it to me over the summer," she stated indifferently.

"Are you going to take it?"

"They haven't got back to me about the pay and…" she paused and sighed. "I'm not sure."

My heart sank into my gut and I felt like floor was getting pulled out right from under me.

I was falling into this vast abyss and blackness was surrounding me.

It drained the blood right out of face.

"Why didn't you tell me about your plans to move out of Chicago?" I asked hoarsely.

She turned to me then with a bemused expression. "I guess I could ask you the same thing."

"What the hell does that mean?"

It took me a second to figure out what she was talking about and I shot a look over at my mom. It was apparent to me that she spilled the beans about Arizona.

_Fuck._

"That's not even for sure anymore," I told her.

"That's what I hear…look, Edward," Bella leaned over and whispered. "Can we talk about this later?"

It only occurred to me then that we weren't alone and my whole family was looking at us.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I said.

The conversation continued around me as I sulked and stewed in my unhappiness. Bella, my life, was now suddenly the focal interest at the table.

The questions my family asked and the answers she gave them was eye-opening experience for me.

To think, all of these days and nights that I've spent with her and I still knew absolutely nothing about her life.

She was thought highly by her students and place of work. She been voted best teacher in Illinois three years running.

She taught art, that much I knew, but what I didn't know was that she painted. She even had her work showcased in an art exhibit when she was sixteen. They called her the next Andy Warhol.

She was practically a God damned child prodigy—just like me.

The sudden feeling of being unworthy of her was suffocating and I had to get out...

"Umm, excuse me," I mumbled as I rose from my seat and walked briskly out of the room.

Five,  _excruciating_ , minutes later, I was in the kitchen with my head in my hands. My stress was pressing and pounding against my sternum, and I was gasping just to breathe.

"Do you want something to drink?" A timid voiced asked.

I peered up and saw Alice standing over me, holding out a cup. It looked like cola on ice and that irritated the fuck out of me.

Soda wasn't going to cut it, I needed fucking scotch.

"Alice, I swear to God, you don't have to wait on me. You're the boy's nanny, not their fucking maid."

The little pixie down at me like a wounded bird, and I instantly regretted my statement. But fuck, ever since I arrived, she been asking to get me this or get me that, and I wasn't used to being waited on… _at all._

It was driving me up the fucking wall.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen," Alice said quickly.

She averted her eyes from mine, bowing her head down in a submissive manner, and I panicked. In that simple gesture, she made me feel like the Dominant, and it was the oddest fucking feeling.

I rushed to correct it.

"Hey, none of that Mr. Cullen shit, okay? Call me Edward."

She nodded as she placed my soda in front of me.

The silence grew between us, and I felt like such a fucking dick. It wasn't Alice's fault that I was mentally fucked up and couldn't handle the idea of somebody submitting to me. I mean, all she was trying to do was make me feel comfortable, and what did I fucking do?

I yelled at her.

My thought process was so twisted anymore, and I knew that shit was going to get worse way before it got better. The simple quiet Christmas at home turned into a fucking side-show where people were showing up—uninvited—and arguing about stupid paintings and shit.

 _And_  just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Bella announced to my family that she's going to leave me and move to fucking Seattle.

That's what started my inevitable descent into misery. What solidified my place in Hades was the realization that I knew nothing about her, and then that eventually led to me to my conclusion that I wasn't good enough for her.

All of this accumulated into one big fucking revelation and I was close losing my God damned mind.

_Why did I quit smoking again? Oh, right, to please a woman I had no fucking business being with in the first God damned place._

"Fuck me," I curse loudly, startling Alice.

As I went to apologize for my outburst my mother walked into the room.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cull—Edward. Excuse me," Alice said, running out if the room.

My mother watched her departure a little confused and she turned back to me. I quickly avoided her gaze as I scowled down at my hands.

"There you are! Are you okay, Hun? You've just bolted from the table without an explanation or anything and I told Bella that I would come in here to check up on you. Good thing I did, too. Why are trying to scare off my nanny," my mom teased as she came around and hugged me.

"I'm really not trying to be an asshole to her, mom. I promise," I said sheepishly.

"Oh, Honey, you're not an asshole. You're just a little stressed. I don't blame you. This house is a zoo…but on the positive note, Bella seems to be handling herself fairly well."

"Yeah, I can see that," I replied impassively, but even the mere mention of her name sent my mood into a fucking tailspin. "It's pretty obvious that she can't even be bothered to check in on her boyfriend."

"Edward, don't be silly. She was going to come in here to check on you, but Rosalie cut her off in the hall. So, I offered to come in here myself. I told her that I would make sure that you were okay."

"Rose is talking to her? Perfect," I grumbled, taking a large gulp of my drink, and was happily surprised when it warmed my throat.

_Way to go, Alice. That girl is a fucking mind reader!_

"Is there any reason why you wouldn't want Bella talking to Emmett's girlfriend?" my mom asked suspiciously.

"No reason." I replied quickly.

" _Uh huh_ ," my mom said, unconvinced.

"Mom, you're a woman, right?"

She laughed. "Last time I checked."

"Right." I smiled bashfully. "Um, okay, here's the thing..."

"Edward, spill it," she said coaxingly.

"Would you ever consider not telling Dad about something? For instance, has there ever been a time where you weren't completely honest to him about a life changing decision; one that affects the both of you?"

"Is this about Bella and her job offer in Seattle?" She quickly deduced.

"Why wouldn't she tell me that she's moving to Washington?"

"When did she say she was moving, Edward?" my mom asked, confused.

"Mom, of course she's going to move there. Why wouldn't she? It's a great opportunity for her," I stated hopeless and defeated.

"Honey, before you go assuming the worse, I think it's best that you talk to her about it," she told me as she reached out and placed her hand over mine comfortingly. "It's probably not as bad as you think."

"Yeah, maybe," I said hazily as I pulled away from her. I shook my head marginally to clear my thoughts and stopping myself from going into a downward spiral. "Is my piano still upstairs?"

"It is," she replied, looking at me warily.

"Do you think you can keep an eye on Bella while I go and try to relieve some of this stress of mine?" I asked.

"You better not be smoking, Edward Robert Cullen," she said.

"I'm not, Mom. Honest."

I just wish I was.

"Okay...but Bella's a big girl, I don't think she really needs me to look after her."

She was right, Bella didn't need someone to look after her, but I was desperate and I needed to keep her distracted for about twenty minutes or so. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk with her and I wanted some alone time to brood.

"I know that she can handle herself—believe me—but you're her only ally out there. I just need you to keep her company and shit. Block off all the enemy attacks."

"Cut the crap, Edward," she said.

I sighed. "I want you keep her occupied, okay? I just need a few minutes, by myself, to regroup."

_Maybe sober up some._

"Retreating to the ol' man cave, eh? I get it—but if she asks, I'm going to tell her where you've run of to, okay? Just so you know."

"I understand," I said kissing my mom on her cheek. "You're the best."

"Well, that's neither here nor there."

I laughed as I rushed out of the kitchen. "Thanks, Mom. I owe you."

"I'm holding you to that," she shouted after me.

Realistically, I knew I had a good ten to fifteen minutes to myself. Bella was going to notice I was gone and my mom wouldn't even hesitate telling her to my whereabouts. The second floor was the only place I could escape to and get away from all of the craziness that was my family. My stress was reaching its peak and without my cigarettes or sex to fall back on, I needed to look for another outlet.

When I was sulking in the kitchen, my baby grand instantly came to mind, and I knew that was going to be my best bet.

It's been awhile since I had a chance to sit down and place my fingers upon those melodic white keys. After my piano classes ended for the holidays, I been so wrapped up in Bella and our life that I completely forgotten about my first love…my leading lady.

The soothing sounds that my baby grand could conjure and the emotions it could evoke within me with one simple key had me skipping the steps, eager to get my ass on that bench.

When I reached the second floor, I turned to my left and went down the hall, coming to the last door on the right.

The double doors that led me to my piano were already ajar and my breath caught when I saw her.

She was sitting there all alone and tucked up in the corner by the bay window. The mid-day sun was shining down and lighting her up. It was like a beacon leading me back to her.

Quickly closing the doors behind me, I rushed over to the piano and sat down on the bench. The shiny black paint was reflecting my image back to me like a mirror and the pure glee on my face was undeniable. Slowly, I slid my fingers under the lip of the lid and propped it open. The white keys were a vast contrast to the rest of the piano and I gently laid my fingers upon them.

I pressed down on the C note and the deep harmony engulfed me. It was music to my ears and I sighed happily.

"Hello, gorgeous. I've missed you."


	33. Redemption

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

**~Redemption~**

My eyes were tightly closed as my fingers ghosted over the piano keys, making the beautiful instrument sing with this rich and deep melody. Everything I had in me was so consumed and I managed to forget about the chaos that awaited me downstairs.

As I played my baby grand, I thought of my Mistress. Her soulful brown eyes, her soft red lips, and her dark brown hair flowing, effortlessly, over her shoulders. It was this image that I held closely in my mind's eye as I sat there and composed.

Time was irrelevant, and I didn't know how long I'd been gone, but no one had come looking for me. The solitude was a blessing. It afforded me the space I needed to separate myself from all the stress and succumb to the piano's therapeutic melody.

My creation was a slow, but a hypnotizing tune. It captivated me and kept me fully enthralled.

Granted, it would never be as great as sex, but it was a hell of a lot better than smoking, and I vowed to make this shit my newest vice.

As my ring finger pressed down on the c minor, signaling the end of my song, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jerked away from the touch, slightly startled. I turned around and looked up at the person who had snuck up on me.

My eyes fell upon my muse as she stared down with this smile that seemed to light up my fucking world.

"You play beautifully, Edward," she said.

"Thank you."

It took a second for my pounding heart to slow down and return to a normal beat. I took a quick glance behind her and noticed that the French doors were closed and locked.

"How long have you been there?" I asked. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I've been here for awhile...just listening to you play."

"You have?" I asked, shocked. "For how long?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "It's probably been, maybe, about ten minutes or so."

"Why didn't you say something?" I asked, turning to the side and straddling the bench.

She sat down on the opposite side of me, placing her hands on my thighs. "I didn't want to interrupt you. I figured you needed some alone time," she paused, glancing away as an unusual shade of red tinted her cheeks. "I just...well, I couldn't seem to make myself leave."

My hands quickly found her hips and I pulled her into me, nuzzling my head in the warm shell of her neck as I inhaled deeply.

She smelled like...fresh rain?

It was a girly thing to say, and I felt my man card slowly slipping away, but fuck me if it wasn't the truth.

"I missed you," she said, rubbing her hands up and down my legs.

"Yeah, me too," I replied.

"Edward, why did you take off like that? You just bolted out of the dining room without saying a word to me. I nearly had to browbeat your mom into telling me where you were."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, somehow I doubt that."

"I'm serious," she said. "Why did you take off?"

I groaned. "I don't know. I guess I just needed some time to myself and to get away for awhile."

She sat quiet for a moment, and I listened to her soft breathing as I wondered what could possibly be going on in that head of hers.

"Were you trying to get away from me?" she asked in a soft and somewhat timid voice.

It only occurred to me then that she would take my running off personally and I pulled away to get a better look at her. "The truth?"

She nodded firmly. "Always."

"Yeah," I admitted.

The hurt was evident in her eyes and I immediately regretted telling her. But Bella was nothing if not stubborn. She quickly pushed her feelings aside and buried them.

But even so, I still rushed to correct it because I couldn't handle seeing her hurt like that—especially if I was the one who caused it.

"Look, I just needed to be away from  _everyone_ so I could think, you know?"

"What did you need to think about?" she asked.

"All the stupid shit that's been going on today...but mostly, I needed to time to think about us."

"What about ' _us_ '?"

The last thing I wanted to do was bring up the sore subject about her leaving me or the fact that she  _should_  leave me. The self-doubt that I harbored thinking that we actually fucking belonged together or that I was good enough to be her boyfriend was still planted deep within my fragile psyche. It was obvious that I was fucking fooling myself thinking that I deserved to be with her, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

Even though it would be the hard to admit all of my faults to her, it was my desire to have her at all costs that stopped me. I wasn't a moron; I knew that we needed to talk about it. There was no point in letting this shit fester, and long as the lines of communication were open, I was going to take full advantage of it.

Thankfully, for some unknown reason, I was in this Zen-like place. I decided, way before I even opened my mouth, that no matter what she said, I wasn't going to flip out about it.

Well, that was the plan, anyway.

"Bella, are you going to take that job?" I asked.

She leaned away from me, her brow furrowed with confusion. "What?"

"I have to know if you're going to take that job in Seattle. Are you leaving me?" I asked.

"Edward," she said, glancing away.

"Is that a ' _yes_ '?"

She looked back at me, keeping her eyes locked on mine, and shook her head.

"Is that a ' _no_ '?" I asked.

"Yes—I mean no," she sighed. "I'm not taking the job, okay? I just have too much going on here in Chicago with my sister, my dungeon, and..." she paused, brushing the hair from my face. "The truth is that I can't see myself moving miles and miles away from... _you_. I realized that I would be giving up a lot for this job—and it's not even guaranteed that I would even like it."

I nodded as the relief washed over me. I tried to be cool about it, but my fucking happiness was overriding it and I found it difficult to keep the cheesy grin off my face.

Kissing her chastely on her lips, I pulled back and let out a long whoosh of air. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to sound like an inconsiderate dick or anything, but that's...that's the best fucking news I've heard all night."

She laughed, shaking her head at me. "You're not a dick, Edward. Trust me. I know a dick when I see one."

"What about a dysfunctional dick? I believe I fall in that category," I deadpanned.

She rolled her eyes at me. "You know there is more to a man than what's in-between his leg, right?"

_Oh, how little she knew._

"Bella, I know that you're trying to make me feel better about the situation, and I appreciate it, but a guy's penis is all he is. It sounds lame, but it's what makes us a man. If we don't have that...well, there really is no point."

She frowned slightly and I could see the remorse in her face for the first time since ' _The Incident_ '. I'm not sure whether or not she knew how serious the dick breaking was, but I could see that she finally understood the gravity of it.

"I'm sorry," she said as her eyes bored into mine.

"Baby, it's not your fault. It was an accident," I told her as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me.

The last thing I wanted was for her to take the blame on herself. It was just one of those things that happened, and despite my ever constant whining, I really was over it. The only thing I hated was the limitations of my stitches. They were the chastity belt that I couldn't escape.

As I rubbed her back in an effort to comfort her, I could feel her fingers clutching on to the fabric of my shirt. It was unusual for her to be this clingy and I just knew that our conversation was far from over. There was still this tension between us. She may have eased my mind about her plans to not leave me, but I realized that I still needed to ease hers.

"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Arizona, Bella. It wasn't something that I was keeping from you purposely. I honestly just forgot about it."

"I know. I'm not upset," she said as she gripped me tighter.

It felt really good to have her in my arms like this. It made everything feel somewhat complete between us. But of course, like all good things, they eventually come to an end. Before I had a chance to stop her, she was pulling away from me.

There was this thoughtful, yet distant look in her eyes. At that moment, I would give anything to know what she was thinking.

"You know that I'm not going, right? I mean, I've made that pretty clear, haven't I?"

"Yes, you have, and I don't understand why you would stay, Edward. You've made all these plans, and it seems like Arizona is something you still want. I really think you _should_ go."

Her persistence threw me and I couldn't understand what she was telling me. Why was she trying to get me to leave? Did she honestly think that I still gave a flying shit about Arizona?

"Bella, I don't want that anymore. Can't you see that?"

She looked over at me, disbelief etched in her forehead. "You've been planning to move to Arizona for the last four years, Edward. Your mother told me how much you were looking forward to it. How can you say that it isn't something that you truly want anymore?"

My mom had such a big mouth. How in the fuck did that topic come up? Was she trying to sabotage me? Not that any of that shit mattered now. Regardless of what my mom said, I had to fix it.

"Look, Arizona was my way of escaping from this shit-hole of a life I was living. Essentially, I was running away from my problems, but now, I don't to have to run. I know who I am and what I want..." I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest. I hoped I could convey just how much she met to me. I mean, she had to know. "Don't you see? Arizona can't compete. Not with you."

She placed her hand over mine, encasing both of our warmth.

"I keep waiting for the day when you see me for who I truly am and not who you want to see," she said.

Normally, I would argue with her and tell her how wrong she was, but she was right. I only had scratched the surface of who she was. There was so much more that I didn't know.

It bothered me and I was determined to set it right.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?"

She shot a bewildered look at me. "Excuse me?"

"I just realized that I don't know anything about you and I'm trying to rectify that. So, humor me. Please. What's your favorite color?"

She smiled. "It's purple. What's yours?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Hey, now, this is a two-way street, Edward. Answer the question," she said stern and demanding.

Of course, she was right again and there was no sense in me fighting it.

So, I resigned.

"It varies, but blue on most days," I said.

"To match your balls?" she joked.

I chuckled. "Yeah. I am  _all_  about color coordinating my outfit according to the shade of my ball sack."

"I figured."

"What's your favorite type of food?"

"Mexican. What's yours?"

"Pizza, I guess. I don't know. I like all food. I don't discriminate and I'll try everything at least once."

Well, except for tofu, but that shit wasn't food. I don't even know what that garbage was.

"Well, it certainly makes you easy to cook for," she said.

"That's what my mom says—wait, you cook?"

She gave me a look like she was offended. "Don't act so surprised."

" _I am_! I mean, that shit is fucking bad-ass. It's like every guys fantasy. They always hope that the girl they're dating can cook. It's like an added bonus."

"Well, don't get your hopes up. I still expect you to cater to all my needs in the kitchen—and in the bedroom," she said.

I groaned loudly, just imagining ' _servicing'_  her in the bedroom. "You're an evil,  _evil_  woman."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

The vivid memory of my first of subward duties in her office came flooding back to me...

I'd been warned.

"Duly noted," I said. "Now, what's your favorite movie?"

"You're serious with these questions?"

" _Bella_ ," I whined. "Come on, just answer them."

"Fine. Forrest Gump," she replied without hesitation.

I raised my eyebrow, surprised. "Seriously?"

"What's wrong with Forrest? That movie is a classic."

"There's nothing wrong with it. I agree with you. It's a great fucking movie. It just surprised me. I figured you would be into something like..."

"Something with a little more bondage?" she finished.

I smiled sheepishly.

She shook her head, laughing. "I may live the lifestyle, Edward, but I am not  _JUST_  the lifestyle. We are allowed to like other things, you know. Like this shirt I'm wearing," she said, gesturing to the fabric, "it isn't leather, it's actually cotton."

"Hardy har, har," I said, sarcastic.

She laughed, playfully pushing me on my shoulder. "Alright, smartass, what's  _your_ favorite movie?"

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," I replied.

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious. I mean, what's not to love about that movie? There's pizza which I fucking love. Then there are some trash-talking turtles who are  _ninjas_. Double love. A rat..." I peeked over at her and saw that she wasn't buying it. I laughed. "Okay, fine. I don't have a favorite movie."

"How do you not have a favorite movie?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't."

"So, your favorite color varies and you don't have a favorite food or movie. Is there anything you favor above anything else?"

"Well..."

She rolled her eyes for the millionth time. "Besides  _me_."

"No."

She stared at me, wide eyed. "Nothing? There isn't one thing you favor? Not one thing?"

"What? I can't help it. I'm indecisive by nature. It's hard for me to pinpoint a favorite. There's constantly something new that's catching my eye."

"Hmm, well, that at least explains all your previous womanizing," she said.

I grimaced at my past behaviors. I wasn't proud of my whoring ways. The fact that Bella commented on them meant she was well aware of how big of a prick I was, and somehow, that made me feel like a bigger douche bag.

But the fact still remained, my girl had a point, and like Dr. Phil, she pretty much diagnosed me.

I needed to change the subject...  _fast_.

"Well, I—"

"So, tell me, Edward, how long have you been playing the piano?" she interrupted.

Bella had a way of side-tracking me, and in less than a second, I'd completely forgotten about what I was going to say. So, I just answered her question instead.

"All of my life," I replied.

"And do you always come up here to get away from things?"

"Yeah, more or less, but I also came up here today because you told me that I needed to find another outlet for my stress," I said as bent down and placed a kiss along her exposed collar bone. I peeked up at her with a devilish smirk on my face. "Well, it looks like I found it, Mistress."

She ran her fingers through my hair, gripping it roughly as she tilted my head upwards. "That's good, pet. I'm glad you found something that can be used as a distraction. What was that piece you were playing just now? It was really beautiful."

"I was playing your song," I blurted out.

The truth was an automatic reflex whenever I was talking to her. Everyone else I was able to lie to—and at times wanted to lie to, but not with my Mistress. She was a game changer.

"My song? What do you mean?" she asked.

"It's the song that I wrote for you," I stated like that point was obvious.

She narrowed her eyes at me, looking a little skeptical. "Really? When did you write it?"

"Just now."

"You wrote an entire song on your piano off of the top of your head? You're kidding, right?"

I liked her this way. The shock and awe displayed heavily on her face. She was cute as hell.

I chuckled. "Would you like me to play it for you to prove it?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I would," she said as she scooted away from me, giving me just enough room to turn around and face the piano.

"Alright then," I said, spinning on the bench and placing my hands back on the keys.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as she cocked her head to the side and examined my music sheets.

"Where's your music sheet, Edward? All of these are Debussy and Mozart," she said, carefully fingering through them.

"I don't have a music sheet for it."

"How in the hell do you remember it then?"

"Bella," I said, reaching up and tucking an idle strand of hair behind her ear, "I don't need to write down the notes to remember the song I wrote for you. It's like trying to tell myself that I need to remember to breathe. It's reflexive and unnecessary. Your song is engrained in everything I am."

For a brief second, my words hit her and I saw in her eyes how touched she was. But as soon as it was there it was gone, and before I knew it, she was changing tactics on me.

"Okay, Romeo, show me what you got," she said as she waggled her eyebrows seductively at me.

_What a fucking temptress._

It was difficult for me to keep my hands off her, especially when she was teasing and challenging me like that. It made her so fucking sexy, and I shifted in my seat as I felt the enviable coming to a head.

"You love to just torture me, don't you?" I asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I guess I could say the same about you, Edward," she said, curving her hand over my thigh. "Now will stop your fucking stalling and play my damn song already?"

Holy shit! Profanity on her tongue was fucking hot. She rarely cursed and when she did, I wanted to make her use that dirty little mouth on me.

Yeah, I was already getting a little ahead of myself.

"Yes, Mistress," I croaked.

_Fuck, I need to calm down._

The background faded around me the moment I closed my eyes, and I began to dissolve into my piano. My fingers were moving across the white keys, and suddenly the room was filled with Bella's song.

Even though I was completely absorbed in the music, I was still highly aware of this beautiful and sexually charged woman sitting next to me. My focus was divided between playing the piano and listening to her breathe.

Both were equally intoxicating.

However, it was my desire to have her that overcame everything else. The need to have every inch of her and in every which way was the one constant variable in my life. The moment she moved her hand—which was already situated on the inside of my left leg— towards my crotch, all bets were off. I lost all of my focus right then and there.

"Fuck," I said under my breath as my fingers stilled.

Bella squeezed my thigh gently. "Is everything alright?"

Seeing nothing but my blinding desire, I ignored the question and assaulted her with my sudden advances. My hands grabbed her by the face and I pulled her towards my impatient lips.

Like I expected, she tasted just like a peach.

It was a chaotic kiss and I didn't give shit if it was sloppy. All I wanted was her and I was determined to get it.

She responded to me as she un-tucked my shirt and pulled it over my head. We broke away from the kiss, looking at each other with this want and need in our eyes. She threw my shirt across the room as she stood up and moved to straddle my lap.

My hands reached out and grabbed the small part of her waist, bringing her down onto my groin. I shifted my hip upwards in time to meet her as she grinded herself into me.

"Fuck, baby," I hissed.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck as she attacked my lips with hers. She pushed her chest into mine and her soft breasts were pushing through the thin fabric of her blouse, causing this amazing friction. That should've been enough for me, but it wasn't. I was greedy and I wanted the skin to skin contact.

"Baby, take off your shirt," I mumbled against her mouth.

She didnt budge and only pulled me closer into her. However, I was an impatient bastard and I didn't take well to her stalling.

I placed my hands underneath her ass and lifted her up. Sitting her down on top of the piano, her high heels pressed down on the keys, making this loud harmonic noise.

We both froze, pulling away from the kiss, and turning around to watch the door. After a few moments of our complete stillness, we didn't hear anyone coming up the stairs. Our time was limited—that shit was obvious—and if I didn't fuck her now on my baby grand, I didn't know when I would have another chance.

I looked back at her and narrowed my eyes at her, a little disgruntled about seeing her still fully clothed. "Take off your shirt. Now!"

She smiled at me, obliging to my demands promptly by removing that blue, cock-blocking fabric. My eyes roamed over her body hungrily, almost as if I was seeing her for the very first time.

"You're beautiful," I said, bending down and placing a gentle kiss on her curve of her neck.

In the back of my mind I knew that I couldn't fuck her like I wanted, but there was no turning back for me. I wasn't going to be the one who put a stop to this. I wanted this more than anything in my fucking life.

So what if I broke my cock in the process? Fair trade, I thought.

As I trailed my mouth along her soft skin, I felt the bulge in my pants, begging to be liberated. Pushing the fabric of her bra aside, I captured her hard nipple into my mouth. Swirling my tongue around the pebbled texture, I sucked on it as my other free hand massaged her left one. That shit about just about drove my girl crazy and she grabbed fistfuls of my hair as she let out a throaty moan.

Smiling to myself, I refocused my attention on her other breast. It seemed wrong not to. And as I hovered over her, my mouth tasting and devouring her, she wrapped her legs around my backside and shifted herself upwards.

The sudden position made it difficult for me to kiss and suck her breasts. When I looked up at her, I realized that was exactly what she wanted.

"Come here," she said as she licked her lips, putting her hands on my shoulders and yanked me down into another kiss.

God, I couldn't fucking stand the waiting anymore.

The deeper our kisses got and the more our tongues entwined, the more I wanted to just pound into her. The barrier of clothes that was still between us was pissing me off. The constant thrust of my hips was this bitter reminder that I  _still_ wasn't inside her.

Well, I was a proactive kind of guy, and unlike most things in my life, the clothes situation was an easy fix.

Pulling away from her, I took of her high heels and tossed them over my shoulder. She laughed at my antics as I quickly undressed her. When I got to her slacks, she took some initiative and lifted up her hips for me as I slid them down her legs.

She laid back down on my baby grand, from top to bottom naked and absolutely beautiful. The tension in my jeans only increased and it didn't take me more than twenty seconds to drop trow.

Grabbing her by the knees, I pulled her to the edge of the piano and positioned myself at her entrance. She sat up and threw her arms around my neck and back, pressing her breasts into me. She lifted her legs up and scooted her ass closer to me and in that movement, the tip of my penis felt this sudden wetness and warmth.

 _God, she's so_ …I closed my eyes tight and gritted my teeth.

"Baby, please," she whispered into my ear, softly biting the lobe.

It was all it took and I hooked my arms underneath her knees and yanked her towards me, completely entering her with one simple motion.

The feeling of being inside her was un-fucking-believable and the guttural moan that escaped my mouth was animalistic. I dropped my head to her shoulder and tried not to move one muscle. The tightness and overwhelming heat that surrounded me was my haven, and I was enjoying every bit of it.

I didn't want to move, but slowly and steadily, I began to slide in and out of her. She gripped me tighter, digging her nails into my back, and this only fueled me more.

Her soft pants became more labored with every thrust and every time I slammed into her, the more she begged for me to fuck her. It made me this frantic madman, eager to please my Mistress and trying hard to delay my release.

But she wanted it and I gave it to her harder and faster, deeper and rougher. I was on my tip toes, pounding into her. Our heavy pants were only being matched against the sound of the piano legs as it slid against the hard-wood floors.

I wondered briefly as I kissed my girl if the people could hear us downstairs. And what would they find if they ever decided to investigate the suspicious noise.

Bella let out a small gasp and I could feel her inner walls clenching tightly around me, and I knew, I just fucking knew, she was going to come.

And I was following closely behind her...

"Edward, are you okay?" Bella asked.

Opening my eyes, I saw that my fingers were still on the piano keys and my Mistress was seated beside me. We were both fully clothed and I had a throbbing pain in my crotch. I looked around me, fucking disappointed.

The reality of the situation was that I hadn't just fucked my girl silly on the piano, and as a result, I couldn't help the scowl that formed on my face.

Pushing away from my piano, I stood up and began to pace the room. "No. No. NO!"

I didn't know how long it would take for my erection to go down, but with my anger fueling the blood through my veins, I assumed it might be awhile.

_Fucking perfect!_

Bella watched me with confusion, as I am sure from her point of view I was looking like some crazy person.

"Edward, you've got me worried. Please, tell me what's going on." she said.

"I'm an idiot, Bella. I actually thought that I could..." I trailed off as I ran my hands through my hair.

"What?" she asked as she rose to her feet and rushed over to comfort me.

"I just...I can't."

What the fuck was I supposed to tell her? How sad and pathetic I was for wanting to fuck her, and knowing damn well that I couldn't?

"Edward, will you quit pacing and tell me what's going on?" she asked, slightly irritated.

Stopping in the middle of the room, I felt so depleted. I sighed heavily. "I want you so bad, Bella."

She tilted my head up so I was looking at her and she studied my face closely. The expression she gave me was filled with sympathy and I wondered what she saw in me.

"I know, Edward, but we just gotta hang on for six more days," she said as she reached down and gently pressed her hand on my crotch. "Baby," she groaned, shaking her head at me.

"I know."

"You said that you would try to control yourself," she said.

I threw my hands up in the air, exasperated. "I know what I fucking said, but my head is screwing with me. The moment I get some sort of semblance of peace, here comes fantasy Bella, strutting her stuff and seducing me."

She narrowed her eyes at me."What? How's it my fault now? I didn't even touch you."

I laughed. "That's the point I'm trying to make. You don't have to touch me to drive me crazy. You just do. It's like my cock senses your fucking proximity and has to pop up to say ' _hello_ '."

Bella's pissed off look slowly softened as my words registered.

She gave me a smug smirk. "Really?"

I gestured towards the bulge in my pants. " _Obviously_."

Thankfully my cock wasn't fully erect and there wasn't that much stress on my stitches—meaning that I hadn't popped them open, but I was going to run out of luck if I didnt put a stop to this madness.

"I can't stay with you…not while I still have these stitches." I decided.

"You're serious." She looked fucking heartbroken.

"Yeah, I need to stay at my apartment until Thursday. I'm not trained well enough to keep my attraction towards you at bay," I said.

I can see it in her eyes, she doesn't want me to leave and neither do I. It pains me to tell her this, but it seems like the only option I have. Living under the same roof, smelling her, and knowing that she was just two doors away—most likely naked, was just too much for me.

"Yeah, I gotta leave tonight." I nodded.

"Okay, Edward, whatever you need. If you think it will help."

Before I had a chance to change my mind, I give her a stiff nod, and headed for the door.

It was a crazy idea and I hated that it had come to this, but I wasn't going to survive any other way. She had to understand that. If my dick was going to have any chance to come out normal and not all dysfunctional in the end, I needed the separation.

As we ventured back downstairs, hand in hand, I felt this sudden lightness about me. Despite everything that happened less than two minutes ago in the piano room, I still felt like this massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The burden to be the perfect boyfriend, the good son, and the understanding friend was gone now.

I was just me, and I was more than fine with that.

I'm not sure when my fucking epiphany happened, but I was grateful for it. Because in my sudden clarity, I found that my friend's uninvited presence and my family drama was no longer an issue. In truth, what was going on outside of Bella and me wasn't even on my radar.

All I could see was the woman who standing beside me. The one I needed to get away from or I was likely to implode. Thankfully, the separation from my Mistress was only going to be until my stitches were out, otherwise I would've never suggested it.

Because she was the only person who was worth spending any fucking time with, and I had this sick feeling that my time with her was running out.


	34. Purgatory

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

**~Purgatory~**

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Time was moving at a turtles pace and I was growing restless. It was late Tuesday afternoon, and I hadn't seen or heard from Bella in two days.

I was way past the point of losing my shit.

How in the fuck was I going to survive three more days?

Granted, the separation was my idea, and I still thought it was for the best, but I was fucking miserable.

I missed her.

It was this agonizing pain that I've never felt before. It was raw and it gnawed at my insides. It made all of the colors lose their brilliancy and I felt like I was stuck in a tragic black and white film.

My life was pretty much pointless.

The worst part about my plan for solitary was that no matter what I did, nothing would take my mind off Bella. She was in my thoughts. The memory of her touch was imprinted on my skin, and her heady scent was saturated in my clothes.

There was no distraction in this entire world that would make me miss her less.

It was just one monotonous minute after another.

When Emmett came home, he found me sitting listlessly on the couch and staring off into the nothings. He stopped at the door, looking unsure as he wondered whether I was really sitting there or some mirage.

I'm sure he assumed that I was there to evict him, but after a few minutes he realized that whatever I was going through was far direr than his rental status.

The bitter truth of the matter was that I didn't have the strength or emotional capacity to kick him out. I was too wrapped up in my own despair to give two-shits about him.

Emmett spent the first couple of hours tiptoeing around the house, trying his best not to disturb my wallowing. After awhile, he got tired of walking on eggshells, and decided to clear the air with me.

He approached me like I was a wild animal at first, slowly and cautiously, but when he saw I wasn't showing any aggression, he relaxed.

Plopping down on the couch like a load of bricks, he nudged me with his shoulder.

"Are you alright, bro? You look like shit...you ain't still mad, are ya?" he asked.

Staring blankly at the TV, I replied dully. "Don't worry about it, Em. It's water under the bridge."

"Cool," he said, and then out of the corner of my eye, I saw the light switch flip on in his head. My tone and mood dawned on him, and he decided it wasn't normal. "Yo, did you and Bella break up?"

I grimaced.

_Fuck me! Her name even sounded good on his lips._

I flung myself into the cushions and ran my hands through my hair, sighing heavily. "We're just taking a mini break for awhile."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

I peeked over at him and glared. "It means that we're on a miniature fucking break."

"I know what it means, asshole, alright? Don't be a dick; I'm just trying to help you."

I sat up furiously, shaking my head as a dry, somewhat hysterical, chuckle came out of my mouth.

"Like you we're trying to help me on Christmas?"

"Dude, you said it was water under the bridge."

"Yeah, well, I lied. So, let's talk about this bullshit. It boggles me, Em, it really does. How in the  _fuck_ did you ever think that shit was alright?"

"Dude, I don't know why this shit is still bugging you. You act like I've betrayed you or some shit. It's not the first time I came barging in on you and your Christmas dinner for Christ sake."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Six years ago after my parents' divorce, I came over your house and we watched scrambled porn all night, remember? You didn't get all pissy then."

"What? When the fuck was that?" I asked.

He stared at me like I ripped out his heart. "Are you serious, bro?"

It took me a second as I searched the far ends of my memory banks, but eventually I came across it.

_Holy shit!_

How could I forget about that night?

It was a pivotal moment in my friendship with Emmett. It was the first time we really hung out without Jazz, and I'd never seen him so low...but how in the fuck could he compare that Christmas to the one on Saturday?

They were different in so many ways.

"We we're fifteen, Em, and I was just happy to see my best friend."

"So what, you're trying to tell me that you weren't happy to see me?"

"Yeah," My voice sharp and astute, "I was  _not_ happy to see you."

His face fell even further and he looked down at his hands. "Well, that hurts."

I felt myself getting sympathetic towards him, which was fucking ridiculous. He was the dick, not me.

I shrugged off my guilt and got back to the matter at hand.

"Em, don't you fucking get it, man? It was never about you. It was about my girlfriend. I was only protecting her. You guys show up out of the blue and demand to be introduced to her. Did you ever stop to think about what you guys were asking?  _Or_ at least think about how fucking stressed I must've been? It was the first time she was meeting my family—it was the first fucking time I ever brought a girl home!"

"Listen, Edward, it was a last minute decision, okay? Jasper had texted me, bragging about meeting Bella and shit, and since Rose and I were in the neighborhood, we decided to stop by. That's it."

"Fuck," I hissed. "I totally forgot that your mom lives a few blocks from my parents."

In my head, I had imagined him and Rose trekking across town just to meet Bella. It didn't occur to me that they probably fucking walked to my parents' house.

"Exactly, man. So, you see, there wasn't this big ol' conspiracy to piss you off. We just wanted to meet her, dude. That's all. We didn't think about how it would affect you..." he trailed off and I could see that he finally understood.

_Bazinga._

"You get it now?"

" _Dude_ , I had no idea. Jesus Christ! Seriously, Edward, we didn't mean to be such assholes. No wonder you were so pissed off. We were being...Fuck, I'm sorry, man."

"Don't worry about it, Em," I said, patting him on his shoulder. "It's water under the bridge—and this time I mean it."

The moment I said those words, the anger that I'd been feeling was wiped clean. Suddenly, I felt like things between Emmett and me were back to normal. It was this heavy feeling of happiness and serenity.

I was fucking grateful for it.

It was exhausting being angry all the time.

We then sat on the couch for a good ten minutes in silence, watching random shows on the TV. However, that didn't last long, and we were in the middle of  _American Pickers_ when Emmett turned towards me.

"Wait a minute; you guys didn't break up because of what happened on Christmas...did you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering how in the fuck he knew about my breakdown with Bella in the piano room. It took me a second to realize that he wasn't talking about that.

I shook my head and sighed. "No, of course not, Em. It has nothing to do with you guys. Like I said, we didnt break up. We're just taking a min—"

"Miniature break," Emmett interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I know. No offense, bro, but what does even mean?"

"Basically, it's a self inflicted purgatory, Em. We're just going to try to live apart until Friday. Things between us were getting a little too intense for me, and I decided it was best if I took a step back for awhile."

He stared at me like I'd given him some complex math problem. The wheels in his brain were turning, but he hadn't quite gotten there yet.

He scooted his ass to the edge of the couch and clasped his hands together. He cocked his head to the side with a questioning look on his face.

"Let me get this straight. You broke up-"

"I didn't break-"

He held up his hand to silence me as he continued. "Yeah, I get it. You took a break from her because your feelings were too intense, am I right?"

"More or less," I replied.

God knows if I didnt, I would've probably busted my stitches open by busting a nut.

 _So romantic, douche..._ my inner voice castigated.

"But you love her, right?" he asked.

"Like you wouldn't fucking believe."

"Then what's the problem? Why torture yourself like this? It's pretty fucking obvious that you're having some separation issues. I mean, look at you, dude. You're lying around this house like she died."

"Don't even fucking joke about that."

The mere mention of not having her in my life was like being stabbed in the fucking heart. The pain was unbearable.

"You know what I mean. You're in love, dude. You should be jumping up and down on the couch, grinning from ear to ear, but instead," he gestured towards me, "you look half-fucking dead. Have you even showered?"

Glancing down at my wrinkled grey v-neck undershirt and my Joe-boxers, I looked back over at Em shamefully.

I shook my head.

"Aww, come on now, bro. That shit is disgusting. You gotta get yourself together, man. Stop acting like you broke up with her."

I shrugged weakly. "I miss her."

"Jesus," Emmett said, literally putting his palm on his face and shaking his head. "Ed, man, I don't...I don't even know what to say to you..." his head snapped up with a sudden burst of inspiration. He turned towards me and smirked. "Get your nasty ass off this couch and go take a shower."

"What? Why?"

"We're going out."

"Don't you have plans to hang out with Rosalie tonight?" I asked, looking for a way out.

"Nope! She's working. So, get your tired ass up."

" _Dude_ ," I groaned, "I just want to lay here and—"

"Stew in your own filth," he finished. "Yeah, I see that, but fuck that shit, man! A bro doesn't let another bro sit and wallow, alright? So, tighten up that vagina of yours and go get ready. We're going to get fucked up tonight."

**~~~88~~~88~~~88~~~**

An hour later, I was freshly showered and locking up the door to my apartment. Emmett stood beside me, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet.

He was acting like a fucking kid.

It was quite comical to me how Emmett's idea of therapy always involved getting shit-faced at these new and grungy bars.

The last time I agreed to follow him blindly, we ended up in the seediest part of Chicago at some random rager.

Not to mention it was the same night of the tattoo debacle—which I didn't regret. That drunken idea had led me to Bella…to my Mistress.

God, where would I fucking be right now if it wasn't for that night?

"You ready to get twisted, bro?" Emmett asked as he punched me in my arm.

"Man, believe it or not, but I'm actually looking forward to this. Drink a few beers, down a couple of shots. It sounds decent. Did you call Jazz and tell him that his ass is DD tonight?"

"Nah, he's not coming tonight, bro. So, it looks like you'll be playing DD-unless we get so fucked up that we have to call ourselves a cab," Emmett said.

"Wait, Jazz isn't coming?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Yeah, he's little busy at the moment."

The tone of his voice told me that there was more to that story.

"What do you mean ' _he's busy_ '? He's always down to go out with us. Did he meet a girl or some shit?" I asked, only half-joking.

He smiled. "Oh, yeah, that dude is a fucking goner."

Coming to an abrupt stop, I shot Emmett a skeptical look. "Wait a sec, are you kidding me? Jazz didn't say shit to me about this. I mean, on Christmas all he was trying to do was hook up with the boys' nanny..." My voice tapered off and Emmett snickered. "Oh shit, he fucking didn't, did he?"

"Oh, he so did, bro." Emmett laughed.

"Alice? He's fucking Alice?" I screeched.

"From my understanding, he's not fucking her. He's...well, let's just say, he's starting to talk funny."

"Funny how?"

"He's talking pretty seriously about her. Like, I don't know, like he's going to marry her."

"What? Marry her? He barely even knows her!"

"I know, dude. That's what I told him, but he's in la-la land."

We were standing outside my car now, and I couldn't believe what Emmett was telling me. Truthfully, I always knew that one day Jasper would fall hard for a girl, but I figured that the level minded side of him wouldn't allow him to get swept into it so quickly.

Obviously, I was wrong...

As I tried to make sense of it all, Emmett said something that summed up the rare happenings of love. He practically pinpointed my feelings for Bella in two fucking sentences.

"You can't control love, man. It controls you."

"Damn, Em, that's pretty impressive. Where did you read that?" I asked, shocked.

He scoffed. "I don't fucking read. That shit comes from the heart—and you can quote me on that."

I chuckled, shaking my head at him. "You're too fucking much tonight."

"Yeah, but you know you love me. Now, come on, dude, are we going to get this party started or what?" Emmett questioned, pounding the top of my car roof.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, unlocking the door. "Stop banging on my car and get your dumbass inside."

Emmett laughed loudly as disappeared into the Mercedes and squeezed his large frame into the bucket seat.

As I went to get in to join him, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I froze, not sure what the fuck I should do. This was the first time I'd received a phone call in days, and even though Bella and I agreed that we wouldn't call or text each other—for reasons that were unknown to me now—I still hoped that it was her.

The very thought of speaking with her was exhilarating. It caused my palms to sweat as I tightly gripped the phone. My mind told me to ignore it because my resolve to stay away would quickly crumble.

But I was like a fucking crack-fiend and my craving to hear her sultry voice was overpowering.

I was weak.

Unfortunately, much to my disappointment, I saw that it wasn't her, but another Swan instead.

This was the distraction I needed.

"Hey, stranger! How the fuck are ya?" I greeted exuberantly.

Emmett quirked his eyebrows at me, giving the classic 'What the fuck' face and I turned my back to him to give myself some privacy.

"Hi, Edward," Angela said, her voice shaky. "Is Bella with you?"

"No, she's not...Hey, what's going on? Are you crying? Did that fucker hurt you?"

She sniffed and I could tell she was crying even harder now.

I was livid.

If that asshole laid even one finger on her..."I'll kill him!"

"No, Edward, don't! Master Aro didn't hurt me, okay? He...he..."

"He what?" I snapped.

"He decollared me," she said as she broke down into a sob.

"What? What the fuck does that mean?"

"He...Edward, can you please just come and get me? I need someone to talk to."

"Yeah, of course. Where are you?"

"I'm at my apartment. It's a block from Bella's dungeon. Do you know where that is?"

"Yeah, I think so, but I'll call you when I get close. Hold tight until then, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Edward."

"Yeah, no problem. I'll see you in a bit," I told her as I hung up the phone.

I glanced over at Emmett and saw that I still had his full attention.

"Hey, do you mind if we go pick up Angela?" I asked, tossing my phone in the center console and starting up the engine.

"Angela? Who's Angela? Is she some girl you be seeing on the side?" Emmett asked as he winked at me.

I snorted. "Hardly. She's Bella's younger sister."

"Seriously? Is she hot?" he asked.

"She's Bella's sister, Em, what do you think?"

"Hot. Definitely hot." He nodded. "Well, what you waiting for, man? Let's go pick her up. She's old enough to drink, right?"

"No, she's only nineteen," I said, pulling out into the main street and heading north.

"What? Are you shitting me? Aww, come on, dude," Emmett whined.

"Hey, look, she's in a jam, and we got to be the responsible adults—for once."

"Man, fuck that noise. I don't want to be responsible. I want to get drunk."

Our conversation went like that for the next twenty fucking minutes. I argued my stance on being a role model to the youngins and he protested, stating that he had the right to get smashed into oblivion.

Needless to say, it was a long fucking drive.

**~~~88~~~88~~~88~~~**

When I picked up Angela, she was already waiting outside her home, and there was a blessed cigarette hanging from her mouth.

Thankfully, she put it out the moment she saw me pull up alongside the curb. She then drenched herself with perfume as she walked towards my car, but even I knew that nothing was going to mask that sweet, sweet smell.

I had watched her curiously as she approached, noting that she looked different to me. It wasn't until she was close did I really see how much she had changed.

Angela looked...well, she looked like shit.

Her black hair was a rat's nest, piled high on top of her head, and her face was pale and sunken. She looked completely drained. The way her clothes hung off her, it was pretty obvious that she had lost a bit of weight.

She spoke as little as possible. She kept her head down the majority of the drive, and only time she perked up was when Emmett started talking to her.

He was being cool at first, just asking her questions about herself, but then he turned. She apologized about ruining our evening and that was when he unloaded—almost like he was just  _waiting_ for his cue. For five minutes after that, he whined about not being able to drink. He even painted me as the bad guy. Somehow in his twisted story, I was this reformed party boy who was practically a priest now.

Lord in heaven, I wanted to kill him.

Originally, I'd planned to go to IHop or Denny's, a family establishment of some sort, but both Angela and dipshit opposed that idea. Even though my argument was sound, and I tried to explain to them that we had an underage person with us, I was still rebuffed.

Then Angela proceeded to make things worse for me by pulling out her fake ID. Emmett squealed like a bitch, demanding that we go get wasted… _pronto!_

Apparently, I had no more excuses at my disposal and my plan for us to be responsible adults was officially thrown out the window.

Emmett wanted to go to a fetish bar on east side of Chicago, but both Angela and I were very familiar with that place, and we adamantly refused.

We went around and around about it for a while, but then I got fed up with all of the indecision, and just took matters into my own hands.

At the last minute, I pulled off at the highway, taking some random exit, and just drove them to the nearest sports bar.

Since there was alcohol there for the two lushes, I didnt get much of an argument.

An hour and a half after we arrived, Angela and Emmett were going on their fifth beer and I was still nursing my second.

I'd hoped that Angela would've told me what was going on by now, but she was still staying mum on the subject. The last thing I wanted to do was press her about it, but she had plenty of time to orientate herself, and I was growing incredibly impatient.

"So, are you going to tell me or not?" I asked, setting down my beer and looking at Angela point blankly.

"I don't know if I can, Edward. I think I need a shot of patron," she said.

"That's a great idea, Ang!" Emmett said, waving his hand over his head to get the waitress's attention. "Let's do some shots."

"None for me, guys. I'm driving, remember?" I said.

"That's never stopped you before, dude." Emmett frowned.

"Yeah, well, I was an idiot, okay?"

God, the things I did in a drunken haze were frightening and I wasn't about to repeat them.

It was best to stay sober and clear-headed.

Someone had to be.

"See what I mean?" Emmett questioned Angela, his face distorted with disgust. "He's like a fucking monk now."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Monks don't drink, Em."

"The fact that you knew that, bro, just proves my point. I mean, look at you. I don't even recognize who you are anymore," he said.

I groaned as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I was wondering when this fucking headache was going to return."

Angela laughed at the buffoon's antics as he went into a childish tirade, and I shot her an intense glare.

"What?" she asked.

"Don't fucking encourage him, Angela. He's only going to get worse. Trust me," I warned.

"Aww, I think he's fun."

"You, my lady, are my new favorite person. You get a double shot," Emmett said, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Goodie." Angela bounced excitedly in her seat.

"Jesus Christ," I chuckled, shaking my head at her. "Is this how it's going to be all night? Not only am I babysitting him, but you too?"

"You don't have to babysit me, Edward. I am more than capable of taking care of myself. I've done it for awhile now," she said.

There was more to what she was saying, and I was smart enough to read between the lines.

I glanced over at Emmett and saw that he was too busy looking for the waitress to pay any attention to what we were saying.

I was in the clear and decided to launch my attack.

"Angela, when are you going to talk to Bella again?"

"God, you just don't give up, do you?" she chuckled.

"Well, she's your sister and you mean a lot to her. I'm just concerned."

"You're concerned about me and Bella?"

I nodded.

"Well, you don't have to worry, Edward. We're sisters. We fight. We make up. It's not something you need to be stressing about. I'm not."

"But you are going to talk to her, her right?"

She groaned. "Yes, I will, dammit! Shit! Will you please get off my fucking back?"

"I'm off." I said, throwing up my hands to show her I was done butting in.

"Thank you," she said.

The waitress suddenly came up behind Angela and smiled down at Emmett. "What can I get for you, handsome?"

"Hello, Amy," he bellowed. "I would like a round of shots of patron silver, and a double shot for the beautiful lady."

"Sounds good. Will that be all?" Amy asked as she looked over at me.

"I'm good," I told her, holding up my beer. "I'm still working on this one."

She nodded firmly, giving me a sly smile, and then took off towards the bar to put in their order.

"Damn, Edward, the waitress has got the hots for you," Angela teased.

I laughed. "You're drunk."

"No, I'm not. I know what I saw and that girl wants your dick," she said.

"The waitress smiled at me, Angela. She was being polite. I think you're seeing into shit that isn't there," I told her, sipping my beer. "Besides, what would it matter if the waitress is into me, huh? I'm dating your sister."

"I was just making an observation, Edward. Damn. Chill the fuck out. Goodness, aren't you a bit uptight," she said.

I sighed. "Are we going to talk about why you called me?"

Angela's body stiffened and she crossed arms over chest. "I told you, Edward, I need a fucking shot first, okay?"

"Fine," I said.

"Hey, Angela," Emmett said, wrapping his arm around her neck and leaned into her all conspiratorially, "maybe you can help me. You know Edward, right?"

"I would say so...maybe even better than you do." She smirked.

I laughed loudly, turning away from Emmett's glare.

"Well...well, that's just not impossible, little girl," he said, waving her off. "But for arguments sake, let's just say you do. Now, as someone who knows him, can you explain to me why a child prodigy would be so  _stupid_ , that he would break up with the most amazing woman he has ever known?"

Angela slammed down her beer and gawked at me. "Shut the fuck up, you broke up with my sister? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I didn't break up with her, Ang," I explained. "We're just taking some time apart."

Her forehead crinkled up with confusion, and she had the same dumbfounded expression that Emmett wore so well.

It finally made sense of why I liked her so much.

"What? That's fucking retarded-and Bella actually agreed to this?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course she did. Why wouldn't she?"

"Because she's your fucking Domme, Edward," Angela nearly shouted. "Domme's don't let their subs come and go as they please. It doesn't work that way. She collared you, right?"

"Hold up," Emmett interrupted. "Bella is Edward's Dominatrix?"

Angela's eyes widened, and she quickly shot me an apologetic look as she cupped her hands over her big fat mouth.

I sighed, slightly irritated with all the theatrics. "Relax, Ang, okay? Emmett already knows about Bella being a Domme. And yes, I'm collared."

My candor was surprising, but I didn't have the strength to keep up with the charade.

I was no longer disillusioned by my role in Bella's life.

"Yeah, I knew she was a Domme, man, but I didnt know she was  _your_ Domme," he said awestruck, almost like he had stumbled across something new.

"Really, Em? You couldn't put two and two together?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

"You know how bad I am at math, asshole," he said.

"Jesus, man. Why must you insist on making it so easy for me to bash you?" I muttered.

Completely ignoring my dig at him, he was more interested in my sex life with a Dominatrix. I could see the wild fascination in his eyes.

"So, tell me, dude...does she tie you up?" he asked. "You know, like with latex-wait, she wears latex, right? Damn, that's hot," he rambled.

Angela rolled her eyes as she put her hand up to his face, blocking him out of her peripheral view. She leaned over the table towards me. "What happened, Edward? Why did you guys break up? I thought you were into my sister. I mean, why even go through all those tests and shit, if you were just going to walk away?"

It killed me that she and Emmett assumed that they knew what was going on between me and Bella. It was starting to piss me off that I had to repeatedly explain myself. It wasn't any of their business in the first place, but people rarely knew how to keep their nose out of shit.

It was human nature...and I was just as guilty of it.

"Alright, both of you shut the hell up and listen to me for a second, okay? I am only going to say this once," I paused, making sure their full attention was on me. It was. "Bella and I did  _not_  break up. It was both of our decision to take a hiatus from our relationship. The reason behind that decision is our business and not yours. Are we clear?"

"Yeah," Angela said.

"Sure. Whatever," Emmett echoed.

"Thank you," I said gratefully as I took a sip if my beer. "Now, Angela, would you like to tell me why you called me?"

She squirmed in her seat as she bit her lip and shook her head. "Um, no...I need that shot."

"Fuck the shot, Ang. You either tell me or you fucking don't. Quit stalling," I spat.

" _Fine_ ," she huffed, throwing up her arms. "He decollared me, alright! Happy?"

"Decollared...what does-"

"In layman's terms, he fucking broke up with me," she said.

"He did?" I asked, trying hard to hide the fact that this was good fucking news to me.

"Yeah, he told me that he couldn't pretend with me anymore. That he has his eyes set on someone else. He said the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. Can fucking you believe that? I asked him-no, I begged him not to cast me off to the side and to just keep me. I told him that I could be better for him. That if he told me exactly what he desired that I would bend over backwards to do it for him. He said that it wasn't about that. He said he'd been pleased with me and that I was truly one of the best submissives he's ever had, but I couldn't fill that void because I just..." her voice cracked, "...I just wasn't  _her_."

Angela was balling her eyes out now, and I saw how much she truly loved that asshole. It was hard for me to understand because I saw him as a parasite, but to her, he was the love of her life.

Both Emmett and I got up from our seats to comfort her.

We looked at each other, not knowing what to say to make her feel better...so, we just wrapped our arms around her.

But, man, was this shit uncomfortable.

There was just something about a woman crying that made guys uneasy.

We literally didnt know how to respond...well, except with violence.

"He's a fucking douche," Emmett spat. "Do you want us to go beat his ass?"

"No," she chuckled.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "It won't take long. I got muscles with me."

Emmett smiled widely, knowing that I was talking about him.

Fucking ego-manic.

She wiped her tears away and sighed. "No, he's...I still love him."

"He's an idiot, babe," Emmett told her. "Any douche that lets a hottie like you go has to be a fucking moron."

"He's a really smart guy," she defended. "He just loves someone else."

All the fighting between Angela and Bella could've been avoided if this fucker realized the love of his life sooner. Instead, he creates tension with the sisters and leads Angela on.

"Do you know who the submissive is?" I asked.

"No. I asked him if I knew her, but he wouldn't tell me."

"So, you don't know if he just starting seeing her or if he's been seeing her for awhile?"

"No...But, I think he has been seeing her for awhile. He's been acting different towards me for a week now. Ever since that thing with..." she slowly tapered off as her eyes went blank.

"Since what, Ang?" I asked, gently shaking her.

"Shots!" the waitress hollered over the music as she squeezed by Emmett and started lining the glasses on the table.

Angela snapped out of her daze and reached across the table, grabbing her double and downing it in one gulp.

"Damn, that shit feels good going down," she said, snatching up one of the single shots now. "I fucking needed this."

"You might want to slow down," I warned.

She was doing everything she could to avoid me and my question. This told me that she knew something that she wasn't telling me...perhaps something that she didnt think I could handle.

"Angela, you know who the submissive is, don't you?" I asked.

She slammed down the glass on the table and slid off her chair.

"Right now, I'm going to go outside and have a God damn cigarette," she looked up at me, "Would you care to join me for a smoke, Edward?"

She was shutting down on me, and I knew I wasn't going to get anything else out of her...well, not tonight, anyway.

I shook my head. "I quit."

"No shit, dude?" Emmett asked, surprised. "That's fucking awesome. Proud of you, bro."

"Thanks, man," I said, pounding fists with him.

Angela smiled at me knowingly. "You quit last week because of what I said about Bella not liking smokers, huh?"

"Of course I did," I said.

"It's amazing," she muttered, mostly to herself.

"What is?"

"That you love my sister  _that_ much."

I scoffed. "You're actually surprised?"

"No...Just jealous," she said, smiling weakly as she grabbed her purse off the chair and headed outside.

As Emmett and I watched her squeeze through the crowd, this troublesome feeling came over me. It was the same foreboding doom I'd felt on Saturday, but it was stronger now. It was crisp and more defined.

It shook me to my core, and I prayed that I was wrong...

And then my phone vibrated.


	35. Chutzpah

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

**~Chutzpah~**

There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in me, more of a reflex as I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone. Emmett was staring up at a flat screen TV that hung above my head, fully enthralled in some sports game. There were about six beers and a shot or two in his two hundred and forty pound frame, and he wasn't paying attention to anything I was doing.

Even though I wanted more than anything to speak with Bella, I secretly prayed that it wasn't her. If she broke down and had to call me first, it only meant that something was wrong.

Looking down at the screen, it flashed brightly with a picture of my girl, and my muscles tightened.

Fuck, I couldn't handle anymore problems. Life wasn't perfect—by far—but it was heading that way. In a few more days, I would be stitches free and my solitary confinement would be over. My sanity was barely holding on...

_Well, fuck it._

Whatever the problem was, I needed to stop being a pussy and deal with it like a man.

"Bella," I answered, skipping all of the bullshit formalities.

"Where are you?" she asked, just as urgently.

"I'm at a bar with Emmett and Angela."

It never occurred to me to lie to her.

"So, my sister is with you then? That's good," she said, relieved. "How is she?"

"She's okay...I think..." I paused and nodded over at Emmett, silently gesturing him to go check up on her.

He responded by downing the last bit of beer and wiping off his mouth off with the back of his hand. The big guy rose from his seat and proceeded to push his way through the massive crowd.

"...she called me about an hour or so ago," I continued, redirecting my attention back to Bella. "She was upset because Aro broke up with her."

"Yeah, I heard," she sighed heavily. "Listen, Edward, I know we agreed not to see each other until you were healed, but I really need to talk to you—tonight, if possible. Where are you?"

"I'm at some sports bar," I replied.

It was funny that I'd been there for nearly two hours and still had no fucking clue what the name of the bar was.

"Where's it at?" she asked, and I could faintly hear the engine to her car roaring to life.

"It's right off the Kennedy Expressway and Addison Street. Why? Are you coming here?" I asked loudly, pressing my finger to my ear to block out all the background noise.

"Do you trust Emmett to make sure that he gets Ang home safely—no, forget I said that. I know he's a trustworthy guy. What I meant to say is, do you think he would mind taking her back to your guys' apartment and watching her for the night?" she asked.

"It shouldn't be a problem. What's going on, Bella? Is Angela in danger?"

"No, she's not... _exactly_. She's just...Angela doesn't handle stress very well. She just needs time to digest things and she's fine, but right now, she's in a very fragile state. I need someone to keep an eye on her for me. I would ask you to do it, since she trusts you in all, but I really need to see you tonight. It's important."

To hear her say that she needed me felt so fucking good. It slightly distracted me for a moment, but I quickly pushed my gloating aside and refocused my attention on the matter at hand.

"Did she call you?" I asked somewhat offhandedly, but hoping beyond hope that Angela may have reached out to her sister.

"No," she laughed bitterly. "She's is still upset with me, and I'm sure she blames me for this whole Aro mess."

"She doesn't blame you, Bella," I said. "She blames that asshole and the sub he dumped her for."

"She knows that there's another sub?" Bella voice lowered to a whisper, and if my ear wasn't pressed hard against my phone, I may have missed her question.

I scoffed. "Yeah, the prick was at least decent enough to tell her that much."

"Did he tell her  _who_ the sub was?"

"No, he didn't, but I'm pretty sure she knows, though. I kind of got that impression from her before she went outside to smoke."

There was a long stretch of silence on the other end of the phone and that worried me. At first, I figured I lost the call, but her soft breathing told me that she was still there.

"Bella?"

"Angela's smart." Her tone had a somber edge to it. "Of course, she would figure it out. Look, I'm going to come pick you up. Did you guys drive together?"

The ruckus in the bar was increasing in volume and I found myself shouting into the phone. "Yeah, we drove in my car."

"Leave your keys with Emmett and tell him to take Angela to your guys' house. Tell him that she needs to be watched and make sure she doesn't drink, okay?"

I cringed, ducking my shoulders in and stared guiltily at the empty beer bottles and shot glasses.

"Um, there might be a slight problem with that non-drinking rule."

"Wha—please tell me you guys didn't just give my nineteen year old sister alcohol, Edward."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted to go to Denny's or some shit, but Emmett was nagging the fuck out of me. I figured if I stayed sober and kept an eye on them, that they wouldn't get into too much trouble."

She groaned with frustration. "How much has she had to drink?"

"A lot," I admitted.

"Perfect. Well, she's officially cut off, alright?"

"You got it. She's done. No more for her."

"Good. Look, I'm getting on the expressway now and I'll be there in about ten minutes. Be outside," she ordered.

"Okay," I said, looking up and noticing that Emmett and Angela were making their way back to the table. "I'll see you soon."

"Edward?" Bella asked.

"Yeah?"

There was a long pause again, a bit of static, and I pulled the phone from my ear to make sure that the call didn't get dropped. But she was still there...silently keeping my attention.

"Bella?"

"Never mind," she said quickly. "I'll see you in a bit."

Then she hung up.

"We ready for another round?" Emmett boomed, slapping me hard on my back.

Angela eyed me wearily, reading the tension between my brows. Even I could feel the crinkles in my forehead.

"Bella's on her way," I blurted out, my phone's screen still brightly lit in my hand.

Angela glared at me. "You fucking called her?"

"No, I didn't fucking call her, Ang," I replied back just as harshly. But I didn't want to fight with her—not tonight—so I tried for a gentler approach. "She called me."

Emmett glanced back and forth at Angela and me, and I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going.

"Shots," he said, waving the waitress over. "We need some more fucking shots over here."

The idea of him driving my car while carrying precious cargo was fucking terrifying and I wasn't going to allow it.

Besides, I promised Bella that Angela wasn't going to drink, and unfortunately for Emmett, that included him as well.

"No more shots, Em," I said, yanking his arm down. I opened up my wallet and pulled out a hundred, shoving it into his hand. "Get a cab and take Angela back to our place."

"What, why? I thought you were our DD, man," he said with a slight slur and I knew that he was only going to get worse.

"I'm not going home with him, Edward," Angela spat, crossing her arms over her chest with indignation.

"Yes, you are," I said, slamming another hundred down on the table and rising from my chair.

"Why can't I just go home?" she asked.

"Because your sister doesn't want you to be left alone tonight," I said.

The look of betrayal flashed across her face and her next words were low...gruff. "Oh, and I suppose we're all expected to fall in line with whatever Bella says, huh? Ugh, give me a fucking break. We're not all her little bitch submissives, who go around kissing her ass and taking her lickings.  _You_ may be bound to her, Edward, but I'm not."

"Angela," I groaned, rubbing the creases in my forehead. "I don't have fucking time for this. Will you please just go with Emmett? For me?"

"No, I will  _not_ go with him, Edward! I don't need a fucking babysitter!" she shouted, nearly drowning out the background chattering of the patrons.

Emmett took a tentative step towards Angela, reaching out to comfort her, but she was too enraged. She backed away from the table and her body went rigid. The feral animal in her was unleashed now, and slow movements and gentle tones was our best bet.

"Just relax, okay," I said, placing my hand on her shoulder, but she scowled at me, seeing my gesture as an insult...or a trap.

"Don't fucking patronize me, Edward, alright? I can see what you're doing. I'm not stupid."

Everything was going to shit and I was fucking tired of it. When I signed up to be Bella's sub, I sure as hell didnt expect that her sister was going to be a part of that arrangement.

My overall stress was reaching its breaking point and the thought of adding Angela's drama to it was the final straw.

Needless to say, I was fucking done.

"Jesus Christ, Ang! Fine, I don't give a shit where you go. I care about you, okay? I don't want to see you get hurt, but it's pretty fucking clear that you're bound and determined to go down this self-destructive path. So, do what you want. I fucking give up." I turned to Emmett, who was sobering up pretty quickly. "How are you? Are you good enough to drive or do you still need a cab?"

"I can drive," he replied.

"Here," I said, pulling out my car keys and giving them to him. "Be gentle with my baby. She's not a toy."

My phone vibrated in my pocket, almost as if on cue.

Bella's was here.

"I'll see you back home," I addressed to Emmett as I passed by Angela.

She gripped my arm tightly, stopping me mid-step. "So, that's it then? You just give up on me like Bella did?"

"See, Ang, that's exactly my point. Your sister has never given up on you, but you have," I said.

"I haven't given up, okay? I'm really trying. God, it's not like I'm going to go off the deep end and cut myself again. Why does she insist on treating me like some broken person? I'm strong, Edward," she cried, releasing me as her shoulders slumped. "I'm strong."

My eyes widened as the weight of her words dawned on me. Bella's earlier statements suddenly clicked and I realized that the only person that Angela was in danger of was herself.

All my anger washed away in an instant and I pulled her to me. Wrapping her up in my arms and hugged her tightly as she cried into my shoulder.

"Will you please just go with Em, Ang? I'll be there soon. I promise." I pleaded.

She sniffed and nodded, gripping the back of my shirt like her life depended on it.

The vibration of my phone reminded me that Bella was outside waiting. It was at the worst possible time, and I felt like such an asshole—especially since the poor girl was crying her heart out to me—but I couldn't stay...

"I gotta go," I whispered, but she only hugged me tighter, refusing to release me from her death-grip.

I looked up at Emmett for help and he jumped into action. Slowly but surely, he pulled her away from me. Her face was soaked and I looked down at my shirt, observing the puddle that she left behind.

"Don't leave her alone tonight, okay? Promise me," I instructed.

He nodded firmly. "I promise, dude."

"I'll be home in a few hours," I assured him. "I appreciate this."

He smiled, waving me off. "Nah, don't worry about it. This makes up for Saturday. We're even now."

"Right," I said, feeling another vibration of my phone, only this time, it went straight to my bones. I grimaced. "I gotta go."

"Then go," he said, wrapping his massive arm around Angela. "I got this."

It was hard to leave Angela like that, but I knew she was in good hands. Even though my friends, Emmett and Jasper, gave me shit and made me mad at times, they were there for me when it truly counted.

As I made my way through the bar, I was overcome with nervousness and it was such an odd feeling. The thought of seeing my Mistress caused my stomach to do all sorts of twists and flips. It'd been three days, two hours, and fourteen minutes since the last time I saw her...

My feet couldn't move fast enough.

The cold Chicago air hit me the moment I stepped outside, and I was grateful to see Bella's car pulled up by the door waiting for me. The dark tinted windows on her Audi made seeing her impossible, but when I opened the door; her scent hit me like a wrecking ball. It was intoxicating and I felt dizzy from the sudden exposure.

My will was already broken and there was no turning back. Slipping into the car seat and closing the door behind me, I noticed that Bella was staring at me with these wide brown eyes.

She looked, somewhat, unsure of me.

I guess it was a lot to for her take in all at once. For some unexplained reason, I was hyperventilating.

But, man, was she beautiful. It felt like years instead of days since the last time I've seen her.

"Hi." I managed to croak out.

"Edward," she said with a soft sigh, placing her hand on my thigh.

The smell of her may have been overwhelming, and the sight of her possibly had taken my breath away, but to have her touch me...it was insufferable.

The fuse was lit and it was like a bomb had exploded under my seat, propelling me forward. I grabbed her by the sides of her face and pulled her over the center console, bringing her mouth to mine.

The softness of her lips and the warmth of her breath were like no other. For three fucking days, I deprived myself of this little piece of heaven on earth. It seemed like such a crazy notion now.

The sweet taste of Bella invaded my senses, signaling that I was finally home.

It was pretty fucking clear to me my plan to stay away from her was useless torture, and any plans to separate myself from her in the future would be futile.

"Edward," Bella mumbled against my lips, "we can't stay here. We have to go."

"No," I said, deepening the kiss and coaxing her tongue with mine.

She relented at first, slumping into me and entwining her fingers in my hair. My hands roamed her body freely, feeling the softness of her breasts and the curvaceousness of her hips. The heat between us grew and emanated, causing me to ponder the possibilities. It didn't take much for my mind to plot and seek out all of the places on my girl, the parts of her that my hands were dying to touch.

Then the tension began to build in my groin, and I was reminded of my ever constant dilemma. The reasons for my exile came flooding back…

_Fucccccck me._

Begrudgingly, I pulled away from the kiss and leaned my forehead against hers, panting heavily. "Fuck, man. Why can't I control myself around you?"

"This is why I didnt want to call you, Edward, but I needed to see you..." she paused and I kissed her lips chastely, hoping to persuade the rest of that sentence out of her. After a few seconds of coaxing, she finally relented. "I really missed you."

"I was nothing without you."

She kind of laughed at my statement, blowing it off as a romantic gesture of sorts, but I doubt she really understood the truth behind my words.

"You wanna go somewhere?" she asked, leaning away from me.

"Sure. Where do you wanna go?"

"Does it matter?" she asked, smirking at me.

"Not really," I replied, placing my hand over hers as she shifted the car into first gear.

She removed her hand out from under mine so she could to steer, and as we started moving forward, I saw Emmett and Angela exiting the bar. She's wasn't in the shape I'd left her in, and as minute as the difference was, it still managed to make me feel better about ditching her...but only slightly.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

We drove around Chicago with really no destination in mind. Going back to the house wasn't an option. It was too comfortable there, and at one point I suggested that we go to her dungeon, but we both came to a fast consensus. That place was more of a tease to us than a haven we so desperately sought.

Eventually we decided to park in some abandoned lot. It was heavily guarded by night-time security, and we figured that their constant presence would keep us in line. It was our safest bet to avoid injury to my groin area, and at this point we needed all the help we could get.

I wasn't going to lie, trying to keep my hands off my Mistress was hard, but when the subject of Angela finally came up, my sexual frustration seemed less important...pretty shocking, even to me.

Bella admitted to me that her sister had been in and out of therapy since she was twelve. After their parents died, Angela took their loss pretty hard and began to withdraw. The four-point-oh average soon dropped to a staggering two-point-oh, and then the once social butterfly cut off all communication with her friends. She locked herself in her room, refused to eat, and barely spoke two words to Bella for weeks at a time.

It only got worse as time went on.

After months of despair, Bella threw whatever money she had into Angela's therapy. It helped—at first—but eventually Angela got restless and started to skip her sessions.

The self-destructive behavior intensified and manifested into the act of cutting herself.

Bella said she had noticed that her razor blades had started to go missing, but she didn't link it to Angela until she found several knives hidden underneath her bed. It was the first of many signs that alerted Bella that her little sister was far more troubled than she initially realized.

She tried to keep a close eye on Angela as often as she could; but with her being the only one working to support them, and the constant energy it took to watch her, it seemed less and less likely. In desperate times, the little hope she had to keep their family afloat was achieved by enlisting Master Aro to help pay some of the mounting bills.

It was around this time when Bella became Aro's submissive, and she admitted that those days were dark. But the pain he provided served as a welcomed distraction.

In a way, I knew exactly what she meant.

Things eventually got worse from there, and in the fall of 2008, they took on a drastic and nearly deadly turn.

Bella had witnessed, for the first time, how vicious her sister's nasty habit really was.

"The blood was everywhere, Edward," she said, shivering slightly as she relived the memory. "And  _I've_ seen blood many times before at Aro's club. Blood play wasn't something I was into, but I've watched people do it. This was different, though. It was  _my_ sister and she was lying there, lifelessly, in a pool of—I just panicked. God, I can't even tell you how many times I slipped on the  _fucking_ tile."

"Was she trying to kill herself?" I asked, thinking back to all the times I've talked with Angela and not knowing this dark past of hers.

Come to think of it, I didnt even notice the deep cuts on her wrists...did she always wear long sleeves?

"I'm not sure. She never told me, really. She likes to joke about it and say she just misjudged the sharpness of the blade," she shook her head disgustedly. "It's bullshit, you know. All of it. She wanted to die."

"I'm sorry," I said, caressing the side of her cheek.

"It's not your fault." She leaned away from me and sighed. "Anyways, after she was released from the hospital, she promised me that she would get better. She started to go to therapy four times a week. She excelled at home school, and even took a job at the dungeon. It's been over two years since then, and I thought that things were good. That, perhaps, she finally healed. So, when I found out that she was Aro's submissive, I just lost it. I knew that he was going to reopen that door—and it angered me to know that she sought  _him_ out."

"You think she's going to spiral out of control?" But even as I asked the question, a flash of Angela's distraught face came to mind, and I knew the answer.

"I hope not," she said, running her hand through my hair. "I hope she doesn't fall back. It just scares me because of the irreparable damage that Aro can cause to someone like her. I mean, I saw it in her eyes, Edward. Last week when we fought, I knew that she loved him. I knew, without a doubt, that he was going to crush her. So, when I heard that he decollared—"

"Wait, hold on. How did you know that she had been decollared? You told me that she didn't call you?"

"Aro came to see me," she said, voice flat and distant.

It sidelined me, crushing me from the inside out as I imagined the worst possible scenario. Aro, coming to see my girl, touching her...

But why would he come to see her? He breaks up with Angela and the first person he tells was the sister? The  _same_  sister who objected to Aro collaring Angela in the first fucking place?

Then like a ton of bricks, it hit me.

Everything just started to make sense. The way Angela acted when she figured out the identity of the sub and the precise timing of Bella's call—and her reaction to the news when she realized that Angela knew…

Well, it didn't take a real genius to figure out that my Mistress was the centerpiece to all of this.

"You're the sub he's in love with, aren't you?" I asked in an accusatory tone.

She nodded marginally, glancing away from my heated gaze. "Do you remember the morning after the club and how I went to see Aro?"

I nodded slowly. "The the day you cracked my whip?"

She laughed slightly, getting my reference. "Yeah, well, when I went over there to talk to him about Angela, he admitted that he still had strong feelings for me."

I gritted my teeth and my hands balled into tight fists as she told me this. It was my jealously and possessiveness that came out in full strength, causing me to see nothing but red. As much as I wouldn't say it out loud, I still felt it...

Bella was  _mine_.

"He's out of his fucking mind if he thinks for one minute that I would—"

"I know," she said, interrupting my all consuming rage by placing her hand on my flushed cheek. "I told him that I was happy as a Domme and I had no interest in going back to him."

This calmed me, but only marginally. It still infuriated me to think of him dominating her...kissing her...touching her... _fucking_  having sex with her.

Blocking out that mental image, I focused on Bella's lips as they moved once again. "He wasn't too pleased with my answer and he was upset, but I figured that he would drop it. Move on. I never expected that Aro would decollar her in hopes to collar me."

The white-hot fury erupted in me again. "So, what did that fucker do, Bella? Did he show up at your God damned house offering you his collar?"

In all honesty, I really was trying to control my temper.

"No," she said calmly. "He showed up at the Dungeon, offering me a deal."

"A deal? What kind of deal?"

"He said that if I came back as his submissive that I could keep my status as a Domme and that he would wash away all of my debt. The dungeon would be transferred into my name. It would be mine."

"And if you said no?"

"Well, if I refused, he was going rip me of my title and take back his loan. He told me that I would lose everything: My house. My car. My job. I would have to start from scratch."

"What did you tell him?" I asked through clenched teeth.

I was on the verge of crushing everything in sight...the one thing that I wished to pulverize, above all else, was in his sky-rise, plotting to take away my very reason for living.

"I told him that I would think about it," she admitted.

That was it.

I was done.

The rage inside of me blazed and roared, consuming me in its flames.

"Are you fucking—you're actually considering it?" I asked, my voice raising an octave.

"No, of course not, Edward," she said, reaching over and placing her hands on the side of my face, keeping her eyes trained on mine. "I told that bastard that I didn't make deals, but I needed to buy some time to come up with a plan. If he revokes my contract, I'll have nothing here and I'll be forced to take the job in Seattle— _away_ from you. But if I take him up on his offer, keeping my dungeon and status as a Domme, I can stay in Chicago, but I'll be his…and  _only_  his. No matter what I choose, I end up losing you."

It wasn't her fault. She didnt ask for this. It was just another thing in our life that threatened to tear us apart and I shouldn't be blaming her. I needed to be protecting her and coming up with a plan...

I smiled as the solution formulated in my mind.

It was just so simple.

"I'll move with you to Seattle," I said.

She shook her head. "No, I can't let you do that, Edward. You have a life here."

"Not without you I don't."

"I know you may think that, but I can't let you move thousands of miles away from your friends and family."

"I'll call 'em. Write 'em letters. I don't give a shit. Besides, I already planned on moving to Arizona after I graduated, and you were all for that. How's this any different?"

"Maybe... _after_  you graduate," she said, pondering that option.

But that wasn't good enough.

"No, I won't do that, Bella. I've just spent three days without you and that seemed like a fucking eternity. I can't do a whole year."

She smiled weakly, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "I know."

"Look, why do you even have to leave? Stay here in Chicago with me and forget about the dungeon. You can still teach at the boys' school, right?"

"I wish it was that simple, but it wouldn't be enough money...and to be frank, my heart couldn't take the reminders. Being a Domme is in my blood. If he rips that away from me, who am I then?"

"You're Isabella Swan," I said earnestly, brushing an idle strand from her face. "You're  _my_  Mistress. You're the woman I love..." Then something happened to me as I looked into her deep brown eyes. The one thing I'd never thought would happen was finally becoming a reality, and it seemed so obvious. Of course it would end this way. I was a fool if I thought otherwise. "You're the woman that I am going to marry."

Her eyes widened slightly and she let out a defeated sigh. "You don't want to marry me."

"Yes, I do," I said, putting as much of my heart and intensity as possible.

"Edward, emotions are running high right now, okay? You're just scared of losing this," she gestured between us. "If you knew what you were getting yourself into, you wouldn't want to be legally bonded to me. You would want to run far away from me."

"Bella," I said, rolling my eyes, "after all we've been through, I doubt anything you throw at me at this point would make me run. I'm too far gone for all that. What I need now is to make you mine."

"But I am yours, Edward," she said, taking my hand and placing it over her heart, "…every bit."

"Yeah, but I want to collar you in the only way I can."

My mind was already conjuring up ideas for a romantic proposal. Maybe my mom would let me give Bella my Great Grandma Whitlock's engagement ring...

"Edward." She grimaced, looking unsure. "I can't let you do that."

It was a control issue with her and I was asking her to give some of that up to me.

"Do you love me?"

"You know the answer to that," she said, dismissing the question.

"Do you?"

"Of course, I do, Edward. That's why this us so hard for me. It's why I didn't take Aro's offer. It's...it's why I am here with you, discussing the disintegration of who I am."

I cocked my eyebrow at her skeptically, sensing that she wasn't being completely truthful. "I am the only reason for not taking Aro's deal?"

"Yes, you are, Edward," she said like that point was obvious. "You're the only reason that matters."

"So, if it wasn't for me...you would take the deal?"

She shrugged her shoulders defeatedly.

"You would really sell your soul to that man?" I asked… It seemed so inconceivable to me.

"Now, how can I sell something that I've already given to you, huh?"

"Marry me then," I said, grabbing and pulling her to me, ghosting my lips over hers. " _Please_."

"What would that solve, Edward, huh?" she asked, depleted, as she leaned away from me. "We would still be in this shitty situation, but instead of you having an out, you would be legally obligated to stay."

There was nothing I wanted more than this woman. She was gorgeous, smart, compelling, and sexy as fuck. The very thought of her evoked a painful desire in me—one that I had no power to control.

What I wouldn't fucking give to make her be mine... _officially_.

"I'm not looking for an out, Bella," I said, unconsciously gravitating towards her and kissing her lips softly. "I'm just looking for a way in, and to be perfectly honest, you're not making it easy."

She grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, pulling me over the center console and thrusting her chest into mine. The passion in her kiss was not unlike other kisses before, but it was new in a way. It fogged my mind and managed to make me forget the little things...things like marriage.

Which, I am sure was her plan.

My hands were halfway up her shirt when there was a loud tapping on the driver's side window.

We both peered up and saw a disgruntled security guard waving his stick at us.

"Move it along," he barked through the glass.

"We're going," Bella told him as she sat up straight and gently pushed me over to my side of the car.

Fixing my shirt, I buckled my seatbelt and ran my hands through my hair.

"Thank God he came when he did." I laughed, shifting and adjusting myself. "Once I get started, I can't seem to stop."

"Just as well, I need to get you home and relieve Emmett of his babysitting duties," Bella said as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I promised Angela that I wouldn't be long. Just..." I paused, thinking of how many days until my stitches were removed and I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her. I sighed heavily, "Bella, can you promise me something?"

She glanced over at me. "What's that?"

"Promise me that we'll never go more than a day without seeing each other."

"After Friday, you mean?"

"No, I mean, after tonight."

She shot me a look filled with trepidation.

"You see, I tried the whole separation thing and that didn't work out too well for me," I explained.

"You're willing to risk busting your stitches open?" She smirked, obviously teasing me.

"When the alternative is far more painful? Yeah, it's a non-issue."

"Okay, then, I promise…under one condition."

She was hitting me with a counteroffer? I can't say that I was all that surprised.

Control.

My Mistress had to have it.

"What's the condition?" I asked.

"You stop asking me to marry you," she said.

It was like a trap door in the floor opened, dropping me down into the pits of hell, where I spent eternity being consumed with pain and misery.

That's how I felt at that moment.

How can I promise her something like that?

Marriage an hour ago seemed unlikely to me, but now, it was envisioned.

I saw it and I wanted it.

No, I refused to give in to her like that.

_Perhaps, another counteroffer?_

"How about I stop asking you to marry me until we're both ready, does that sound like a deal?"

" _Edward_ , you realize how crazy this sounds, right? You're only twenty-one years old. You're still so young."

"I am well aware of how unhinged I must sound, but I don't care. I want you. That will never change. So, we either have a deal or we don't. You make the call."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Alright, fine. You have yourself a deal. Just don't go holding your breath in hopes that day will be coming anytime soon, my pet."

If I had to wait a hundred years, I would never stop wanting to marry her. Like I told her many times before, I can be very persistent.

When was the last time I gave in and threw in the towel?

Through all of the uncertainty, the unrelenting ex-submissive, the wooden horse, Mr. Harrison, and her unshakable denial, I still came out the victor. It didn't matter how long it took, I was bound and determined to make her crack again, because in the end, I was willing to wait.

Defiant as always, I took a big gasp of air and held my breath.


	36. Four To One

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

**~Four To One~**

_God, they fucking itch._

My father said that once the stitches were removed that my skin would itch for a day or so, but I never expected it to be like  _this_!

It was maddening.

My hand was firmly on my crotch, while I shifted positions and searched for some relief from that nagging and persistent tickle.

It really was unavoidable, and until I got to a drug store and buy some Aloe Vera shit, like my dad suggested, I was going to be stuck itching my junk like a fucking hick.

It would've been fine if I was at home, but I was still in the hospital. The looks of disgust I got from people as I passed them were quite comical, and I may or may not have capitalized on that shit.

It was good cheap fun, and what did I care? They were strangers, uptight ones at that, and their opinions of me weren't going to deter my good mood.

Hell, I needed this. The last few days with the Swan sisters had been a little rough on me.

A month or so ago, juggling two women was the norm and I actually enjoyed the drama. It'd been the callous womanizer in me, but now things were different and trying to be a friend to one and good boyfriend to the other was fucking exhausting.

After Bella dropped me at home that night, Angela was sitting on the couch waiting for me. We watched some late night TV and talked for a few hours. She asked me if it would be okay if she stayed for a few days. She said her house was filled with reminders of Aro, and she needed time away from all those memories to reevaluate her life.

Considering where she's been and how worried Bella was about her, I was more than happy to oblige.

So for the last week, my bedroom had become her domain and I slept on the couch. Surprisingly enough, the arrangement worked out quite well. The sofa was comfortable and I managed to get some decent sleep.

The most important thing, though, was that Angela got better...and she did.

Luckily, I wasn't alone in my efforts to help her through the break-up/decollaring. Emmett was right by my side from day one, offering up some comic relief and honest advice.

Hell, even his girlfriend, the wicked witch from the east, Rose, had jumped in to helped. Which, fucking shocked the hell out of me; I didn't even know that she could actually give a shit about anyone other than herself.

Apparently, I'd sorely misjudged her.

Angela and Rose seemed to hit it off damn near instantly. They both had that same dry, sarcastic sense of humor, and shared a love for busting my balls

Now, I had two of them to contend with.

_That's just fucking great…_

The most surprising thing in all of this was Rose's attitude towards me.

In the year or so that I've known her, she made it her job to be a total bitch. She made sly comments about my life and even tried to blackmail me. It didn't look like we would ever get along, but something happened and she made a complete one-eighty.

Rose told me that she was impressed with how I've handled everything with Angela and that she actually thought I was a good guy.

It was so fucking weird to hear her compliment me like that, but I wasn't about to question her motives. Whatever the reason for her sudden change, I fucking welcomed it.

Considering everything I was already going through with Bella, Angela, and that fucking prick, Aro, I needed a God damned break.

Jasper on the other hand, his presence was still scarce. He was spending most of his time with Alice now. The only time he called, and reminded me he was actually alive, was to invite Bella and me over to his house for New Year's Eve.

It kind of sucked that one of my best friends wasn't around as much and I fucking missed the guy, but what could I do?

The dude was in love, and how could I begrudge him of that?

Exiting the hospital, I shoved my hands deep inside my coat pockets and walked briskly to my car. The sun was out, but didn't touch the freezing wind that blew in from the east. The frigid temperature was the only thing that could ever put a fire under my ass, and in no time, I was sprinting through the parking lot.

Once in my car, I put my key in the ignition and set the heater on full blast. Blowing my warm breath into my hands, I glanced over at my dashboard clock; I saw that it was barely on eleven-thirty in the morning.

The day was still young, and now that my stitches were out, my mind quickly shifted to Bella. The need to see her was stronger more than ever, and perhaps it was because of this sudden freedom I had.

For a whole week I had battled with my feelings, trying to keep my growing desires for her in check.

After our short but sweet reunion, we promised that we would see each other the very next day. Our middle ground was the same parking lot with those attentive, but highly annoying security guards.

They were our sexual buffer.

Whenever things got too hot and heavy between Bella and me, and the windows would fog up, the tapping on the glass would alert us that our time was up.

It was a bit unorthodox method of protection, but it worked like a charm.

I was able to be with my girl without the fear of taking things too far, and therefore, further self sequestering was no longer needed.

It amazed me how dense I'd been about the whole situation. The simplest solution was right there in front of my face and I chose the most drastic route—and I was supposed to be some fucking child prodigy.

Well, all that strict abstinence shit was over now, and I knew exactly where to find my long awaited release.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

There were boxes stacked up high against the walls, somewhat blocking my entrance, as I pushed the metal door open. Bella was seated behind the receptionist's desk and didn't notice me as I walked in.

There was an intense look of concentration on her face as she talked on the phone and went through a stack of folders. Her lips were pursed into a tight line and the dark strands of her hair constantly kept falling into her eyes.

She was beautiful.

"I understand how inappropriate it is for me to call you at work, Mr. DiMara, but I felt obligated to inform you that the dungeon is closing," she said, her voice cracking considerably.

It angered me that Bella was pushed into an impossible situation. Aro presented her with two options and she had to choose between her life with me—effectively losing her rights to the dungeon—and a life as his submissive. As much as I wanted to believe she chose me and only me, I knew better.

My Mistress was stubborn. She hated having to relinquish any sort of control. It pissed her off that Aro offered her that deal, because it left her no clear options. She couldn't—even if she tried—go back as a sub to Aro. Or any Dom for that matter.

She was a Domme through and through, and that was never going to change.

"All your personal information will be shredded, sir," she said, catching my eyes as I approached her slowly. "I understand. Thank you for your loyal business, Mr. DiMara, and good luck on finding another Domme. Goodbye."

She hung up the phone and let out a long and exasperated sigh.

"Tough day?" I asked.

"It hasn't been the best, that's for sure."

"Are you calling all of your clients," I asked, pointing to the folders.

"Yeah—well, mostly the ones who had appointments with me tonight and over the weekend. So, it's been quite exhausting. How's my sister?"

"She's fine. Her and Rose were going shopping today. I guess for dresses or some shit. I tuned them out once they mentioned that they were going shopping."

Bella laughed. "Well, I'm glad that she has Rosalie. She seems like a strong person."

"Speaking of Rose, this has been bugging since Christmas, but gotta ask, are you really going to make her a Domme?"

"Oh, Edward, not this again," she said, rolling her eyes at me.

"I'm just curious why you would. I mean, don't get me wrong, we've actually been getting along lately, but I can't really see my girlfriend training my best friend's girlfriend. It's weird."

"Why would it be weird? Don't you think Emmett deserves to be dominated some? The boy is practically begging for it."

I groaned. "You see, I don't want to be hearing this shit."

"You know, for such a sexually experienced guy, you can be quite the prude."

I laughed, nodding my head in resignation. "Unfortunately, you may be right."

"I'm always right, Edward, or have you not been paying attention these last several weeks?"

"Oh, I've been paying attention—very closely, in fact. I just," I huffed loudly; annoyed that she still was considering training Rose. "Look, can you just do me this one favor and not make Rosalie a Domme? I really don't think I can handle it."

"Why does this bother you so much?" she asked.

A week ago it was because I couldn't stand her, but now, even though we were more on friendly terms; my decision was still based on those old still feelings. I couldn't tell Bella that. So, I said the next best thing.

"I don't want what we have being shared with anyone else. It's fucking selfish, I know, but its how I feel."

She eyed me for a minute, assessing my sincerity. I may have thrown in a pouted lip for good measure.

" _Please_ …"

"Fine, Edward. I won't train her."

"Yes!" I cheered, doing a little victory dance—and not very well, I may add.

"Okay, you can stop now," she said, shaking her head at me and laughing.

I finished up my version of the robot before I gave her an appreciative wink and said. "Thank you."

"Goodness, what the hell I am going to do with you?" she paused, tilting her head to the side and looked at me thoughtfully. "Speaking of which,  _how_  are you? Did you finally get your stitches taken out?"

"Yeah. I just came from the hospital." I omitted the fact that my shit still itched like crazy and I was fighting the urge to scratch it.

She rose from her chair and leaned over the counter, combing her eyes over my body.

"Can you...you know...does it work?" she asked.

I smiled at her, pleased that she was as eager as I was. "I really haven't tested it out, yet. It's why I came straight here. I needed some...inspiration, if you will."

"Inspiration? Is that what I am?" she asked, coming around the desk and staring me down like I was a piece of meat.

"You know you are, Bella. My body is very responsive to you."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my lips softly. "Well, are you inspired now?"

"I don't know. Kiss me again," I said, splaying my hands against her firm ass and pressing her into me.

"Mmm, I think I can do better than that," she hummed against my lips, before taking my bottom one into her mouth and biting down hard on it.

She sucked it and pulled it away, drawling a cry out of me.

It was such a fucking turn-on.

She released my lip and smirked. "How's that for inspiration?"

Glancing down briefly, I could see a slight bulge growing in my pants, and I said. "I think you can do better."

She narrowed her eyes at me as I presented her with a challenge—or was I defying her?

"How about I take you to the playroom and defile you."

I gulped. "Are you serious?"

"Do you still remember our safe words, pet?"

"Green, yellow, and red."

"Very good," she said, reaching in-between us and gently rubbing her hand over my librated crotch. "Is this what you want?"

There was no stretching and there was no pain, just the feeling of a very hard erection.

Fuck, I missed that.

Leaning my head against hers, I sighed happily. "Yes, Mistress."

"Are you sure?" She said as her hand slid down the front of my pants and wrapped her fingers around me.

"Yes!" I squeaked loudly, shoving my hips into her.

"Okay then," she said, removing her from hand from me and backed up a few steps. "You are to go to the room we had our first session in. You are to undress, get on your knees, and  _wait_ for me. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mistress," I managed to croak out.

"Go."

Without saying a word, I spun on my heel and headed for the hallway. The walls were still that same deep burgundy color, but the pictures were gone. The only proof of their existence was the holes in drywall.

The red room was just as I remembered it. The benches were in the same place, still clean and pristine. The cross that Bella tied me up to was pushed up against the far back wall, and I smiled at the memory.

As I underdressed, my eyes examined her whips, floggers, and canes that were hanging from their respective hooks. Some people might take one look at the collection and perceive them as weapons, but to me, they were toys—painful and pleasurable toys.

I breathed in deeply, taking in all the mixture of scents.

It felt like home, and at that moment, I knew that I was going to miss this place.

Completely naked now, I slowly got to my knees and into the submissive position. The concrete floor was freezing and the hard surface didn't have much give. If Bella took too long, I knew that my knees would be sore and bruised.

Thankfully, my Mistress was prompt, and less than a minute later, she was stepping into the room.

My head was cast down and my eyes were focused on the little imperfections on cement floor. The clicking on my Mistresses heels kept my senses alert and I fought with myself, resisting the urge to look up.

She didn't say much to me, but I listened to her movements as she sashayed around the room. The predator in her was out in full force as she circled me for a minute or two and assessed her prey. She then left me, a wanting mess, and went over to her wall of whips. My eyes closed tightly as I anticipated her next move.

_This is it. She's picking out her toy._

The muscles in my arms were taut as I balled my hands into tight fists, trying to grasp on to anything I could. My body was aching for her touch now. The thought of the leather straps of her flogger on my back, chest—or anywhere, for that matter—was making my head spin.

It was driving me mad.

The sudden poke of her heel in the middle of my back startled me, and she pushed me forward roughly, making me lose my balance. I placed my hands out in front of me, just so I didn't go face first into the ground.

She made a tsking noise, and I could just envision the disappointment on her face.

"You've been babied way too much, my pet. All of that is going to change tonight. Do you hear me?" she asked, digging her heel deeper into my skin.

It fucking hurt and the only thing I could muster was a grunt."Yes, Mistress."

"I don't think you really grasp my meaning, pet...I guess I'll just have to show you. Get up!" she snapped, removing her shoe from my back.

Rising to my feet, I was still facing the door and away from her. It was unclear to me what exactly she had planned, but I trusted her. She would never push me past my limits, and whatever she had in store was going to be pleasurable for the both of us.

"Face me," she said.

 _Happily,_ I thought.

Turning around, I was met with the most beautiful and sexy looking creature. My eyes quickly went over her and appraised her slim frame. She was wearing knee high boots with fishnet stockings, a short black skirt, and a black leather bodice that accentuated her amazing breasts.

There was something very familiar about the outfit she was wearing...

The moment I realized where I'd seen it, I broke character. "You're wearing what you wore that first night! I can't believe you remember."

She looked at me stunned for a moment, gripping her flogger tightly, and I could tell that she didnt know what to say.

I was, clearly, out of line.

So, I lowered my head and mumbled. "I'm sorry, Mistress."

She placed her hand on the side of my face and sighed. "I'm trying to re-create your first time as my submissive. It...It seems like the perfect way to say goodbye to my old life and start my new life with you."

I looked into her brown eyes and saw them completely open to me. There was no hidden agenda or fallacy to her words.

Ignoring everything else, I grabbed a hold of her hips and pulled her into me, until our bodies were completely flushed. Once upon a time, this would've been forbidden and it should've been now, since I was her submissive in all, but I couldn't resist.

She was giving up everything to be with me, and I loved her even more in that moment.

"Do you love me?" I asked.

"Of course, I do," she replied, glancing away from my gaze.

I placed my hands on the sides of her face, redirecting her eyes on me. "Then tell me."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I...I just can't, okay? You're just going to have to trust me on this. Do you?"

I nodded. "Completely."

"Do you want to continue?" she asked.

"Yes."

She walked back towards the table and wall of toys and pulled out a ball-gag. There was a mischievous smirk on her face and I knew what she was trying to tell me even before she said the words.

"No more talking."

Once I was gagged, she grabbed a hold of my hands and fastened them behind my back with a silk rope. She hit me with her flogger and stood out in front of me, tilting her head to the side. Her eyes then followed a straight path down to my very hard and attentive erection.

She smiled, gently rubbing the straps over my cock. "Everything seems to be in working order. Is there any pain or discomfort, pet?"

"No, Mistress," I answered.

"That's good, pet," she said, still inspecting it. "You healed up quite nicely. We can definitely work with this." She then placed her hand on my shoulder and roughly pushed me back down on my knees.

The pain of the drop stung a bit, but all was forgotten as she circled around me, touching my heated skin with her hands and the tip of her purple flogger. It set off a chain reaction of prickles all over my flesh.

The scents that surrounded me were mind-blowing. The leather and perfume mixture was concentrated in my head. It drove me to the point of tears and I wanted to yell, beg, and explain how badly I wanted her. But I was gagged. My voice was muted with leather—or was it a rubber?

Oh well, it didnt fucking matter. My teeth didn't know the difference as it sunk into the ball, locking down tightly.

"You look so good, my pet," she taunted, slapping the flogger along my back. "Your skin just cherries and swells for me."

Sting after sweet sting, I was assaulted with her toy. The blood in my body boiled and reacted, rising to the surface and flushing my sensitive flesh. The more she intensified her hits, the harder my dick got. My mind was well aware of how turned on I was by the pain. I relished in it. It was the only thing that was real for me at that moment.

"You're so vulnerable on my floor," she whispered into my ear, sending a wave of chills down my spine. "Do you want to taste me, pet, or would you like to be punished more for your outburst?" she asked, whipping the flogger abrasively across my shoulder blades.

Without thinking, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Punish me," I mumbled, but the ball-gag made it sound like gibberish.

"What's that, pet?" she asked, bending down before me and spreading her legs wide, showing me exactly what I could've had if I was smart…

Maybe it wasn't too late after all.

I made sure that my words were clear and precise, just so there was no confusion. "I want to taste you, Mistress."

She unbuckled the gag and removed it from my mouth, replacing it with her fingers, and instructing me sternly to..."Suck."

Doing as I was told, I closed my mouth around her fingers and sucked. The taste wasn't like I hoped, in fact, it tasted like lotion. But she was watching me, and I think it wasn't about what I wanted; it was about her wants and needs. She enjoyed the feel of my tongue as I licked and poked between each finger.

Her excitement and arousal only intensified mine.

"That's enough," she said, pulling them out slowly from my mouth. "You have an expert tongue."

"Yes, Mistress," I said, licking my lips.

"I wonder where else I could put that tongue of yours to good use," she said, rising to her feet.

Like a kid in school, I wanted to raise my hand and offer her some choice places.

Fortunately, my Mistress had already made up her mind.

"Stand up," she ordered.

It was far more difficult to get to my feet with my hands tied behind my back. In the end, I shuffled my knees along the floor—which were already numb, dulling out the new ache.

My Mistress leaned against the wall, watching me as I struggled. Luckily, I found my groove and soon was on my feet.

"Now," she said, coming up to me and pushing me backwards with the end of her flogger. "I want you on that bench."

The bench in question had two wooden legs and a black leather seat. It didnt take me long to realize that my Mistress wanted me bent over.

It was disappointing, because I had hoped that she was going to let me put my mouth on her. Then a strong surge of excitement hit me. There was more fun to be had.

She wasn't quite through with me.

Lying down on my stomach, I was bent over the bench with legs spread. It was kind of awkward with my hands tied behind my back and I was getting a strong sting in my right shoulder from the weird angle.

The word red was forming on my lips when my Mistress came along and untied me.

She then took my arms and strapped them to the hooks that were on the end of the bench. It stretched my sore and tense muscles out. It was kind of nice.

"I heard you the first time, pet," she said.

This statement confused me at first, but when she started paddling my ass, I caught on to her meaning.

This was more of my punishment.

Apparently, it  _had_ been too late to change my mind.

The feel of the paddle was in-fucking-describable. It ignited something in me, and I bucked my hips forward, searching for a way to transfer its power.

As my thrusts got more forceful, my Mistress' spanks became increasingly more painful. It fueled my arousal and did the opposite of what I wanted. I felt myself nearing my inevitable peak...

That was when she stopped.

The hits ceased and my balls throbbed, craving a release, but cruelly rebuffed.

My Mistress knew how close I was and she couldn't allow me to come.

It was part of her job as Domme, bringing me to the edge and shutting me down.

I clenched my jaw in frustration.

_Teasing minx._

My Mistress placed her cool hand on my heated skin and pressed her naked body up against my back.

I groaned loudly as the skin to skin contact washed over me.

"Patient, pet," she said, taking my earlobe in-between her teeth.

"Please," I begged.

"Please?" she questioned, running her hands along the side of my body.

"Please, Mistress, I need to be..." I tapered off, the strength of my emotions overwhelming.

"Say it," she coaxed as she smoothed her hand over my ass cheeks, slowly inching closer to no-man's land with every breath I took.

Instead of freaking out like the first time she went that route, I actually encouraged her.

"Say it," she snapped, gaining my attention by slowly retreating.

That made me panic, and I gave in, knowing exactly what she wanted to hear. "I need you to touch me."

"I am touching you, pet," she said, getting further and further away.

God, how in the fuck do I tell her? I couldn't even believe that I wanted her to stick her fingers in me, but I did—badly.

_How do I say this shit out loud?_

"Come on, baby," she purred into my ear. "I know you want it." She reached around and grabbed a hold of my hardness. "I CAN feel it."

"I do," I grunted, eagerly thrusting in her hand now.

"Say it then," she said; her tone had a frustrated edge to it.

"I want you to put your fingers in me, Mistress," I blurted out, rushing through my words.

"That's good, pet. Very, very good."

I took a deep breath, anticipating the moment she would insert her fingers into my anus...but she never did.

Slightly confused, I tilted my head up and she forcefully shoved it back down. She then removed her warm body from mine and untied my hands.

"Get up," she instructed.

Lifting myself from the bench, I turned around and saw that she was topless. The boots, stockings, and skirt were still on, but somewhere between now and the paddling, she lost her corset.

"I want you to make me orgasm four times, pet."

My eyes widened and I was unsure if I heard her right. "Mistress?"

"Four times," she repeated. "You can use your mouth, your fingers, and any toy you can find. The only thing you can't use is your penis. If at any time you should get too excited and close to climaxing, you must stop."

I nodded, totally pumped and ready for the challenge.

"However, pet, if you stop, you are taking the chance of ruining my orgasm, and if that should happen, my count doubles. And if you orgasm before I say it is okay for you to do so, my number triples. Is that clear?" she asked, eyeing me sternly.

"I understand, Mistress...can I kiss you?"

She smiled, leaning up against one of her large bed-like benches and parted her svelte legs. "You may do whatever you like. Just remember this ratio, pet...four to one."

"Four to one," I repeated like a mantra.

Slowly, I approached her, already working out a game plan. Four orgasms shouldn't be that hard to accomplish...at least, I didn't think it would be.

I placed my hands on her smooth thighs, parting them further apart as I squeezed myself in between them. My lips went to her pert nipples, taking the hard peak into my mouth and rolling my tongue over it.

She hummed with pleasure, entwining her fingers in my hair. It was the type of response I was looking for, so I decided to up my game.

My left hand moved up her body and palmed her right breast as my mouth worked on her left. She arched her back, clearly enjoying my technique. I slipped my free hand in the middle of her legs, pushing her panties aside.

My two fingers rubbed her clit, creating some much needed friction. She moaned at this, and I slipped one finger inside of her, curling it upward.

I kept my eyes closed and my mind clear. If I was to focus on what my hands were doing or the way her skin tasted like strawberries, or the simple fact that my penis was just an inch or two away from her entrance, I would be fucking done.

"Kiss me," she demanded, pulling my face away from her chest and up to her lips.

Her mouth opened to me, allowing my tongue to enter and intermingle with hers.

By this time my one hand was gripping on to her hip tightly as my other hand thrusted two fingers up inside her.

I pumped fiercely, looking for that pesky G-spot as I kissed her. It was a complete out of body experience, and I was so focused on making her come that I didn't even think about myself.

She wrapped her one leg around my backside, pulling me into her. It was a bit distracting, but the change of position made it easier for me to plunge deeper inside. As my fingers curved and pushed that most precious button, I could feel her walls tightening around me.

She bit down on my bottom lip, clutching my shoulders and digging her nails into my skin. Two seconds later, she climaxed.

That was one.

She was panting softly as I pulled away from her. My mind quickly went into phase two of operation four to one.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw the station of toys. It wasn't for sure, but I hoped that there was something over there I could use on her.

"Hold on, baby, I got an idea," I said, giving her a peck on her lips and walking over the toys.

I could feel her eyes on me the entire time as I went through the drawers. The set-up she had was what I pretty much expected from her. It was neat and fucking colored coded. When I got to the pink drawer of the small wooden cabinet, I pulled out Mr. Pinky.

I laughed, mostly to myself. "I remember you."

Turning around to face my Mistress, showing her my find, she smiled.

"Nice choice. But are you sure you can handle such equipment?" she asked, jumping up on her bench and leaning back on her elbows.

"I think I can manage, Mistress," I said, clicking the on button and watched as it hummed and vibrated to life.

I didn't know what my exact plan was, but I knew I wanted to be front row center when it happened.

Crouching down in front of my Mistress, I set the vibrator aside and removed her black laced thong.

She was completely bared to me now and I gripped the edge of the bench, willing myself to compose my feelings.

 _I only have to give her three more orgasms,_ I thought.

Once I was back under control, I opened my eyes and grabbed the vibrator. I turned it back on, poising it at her entrance. She was already insanely wet as it was and further lubrication wasn't needed.

At first, I toyed with her, rubbing the top of Mr. Pinky up and down and in-between her lips. The cries of pleasure were encouraging and I fought the impulse to take a quick taste.

No, that was my grand finale.

Slowly, I started to ease it in and out of her. I watched, very fascinated by the whole process. The tempo and speed only increased when my own arousal came close to being unbearable.

As much as I wanted to be a part of every single thrust of the vibrator, the visual aspect accompanied with her heavy and breathy moans, I was losing my grasp on everything.

Thankfully her orgasm was quicker to achieve this time around and she came right before my hungry eyes….

The way her thighs quivered was fucking magical.

"Damn." I heard her say from up above.

Rising to my feet, I hovered over her and trailed kisses all over her damp skin on her chest, working my way up to her delicate collar bone.

That was two.

I was half-way there...

The challenge was proving to be a lot harder than I thought, but I still had a few tricks up my sleeve and I was eager to show her.

"Can I taste you now, Mistress," I asked, lightly kissing the hollow part of her neck.

She sat up and stared down at me, her brown eyes were wide. She smirked, almost deviously. "Can you handle it, pet?"

I gulped loudly, suddenly unsure of myself. "Yes, Mistress."

"Then by all means, pet," she said, lying back down.

This moment was going to make or break me, and I knew it. But I was determined to see this through.

Getting back down to a crouch, I placed my lips on the inside of her left thigh and started to kiss the soft skin there.

She smelled and tasted heavenly, and as I progressed upwards, my heart pounded in my chest. My dick was a very unhappy camper at this point. He witnessed in tortured silence, several activities—to which he wasn't a part of.

He needed to buck up and deal with it. Hell, I was pushing my needs aside and so could he. Our job right now was to please our Mistress, and I was determined to do just that.

My hands were parting her legs wider and my tongue slipped out of my mouth and reached out to taste her. I licked around her delicate and sweet flesh, enjoying the exquisite banquet. The tip of my nose was tickling the lower part of her clit and that little maneuver drove her absolutely crazy. It wasn't long before she had both hands in my hair, shoving my face further into her.

Sucking and licking her like my life depended on it; I took my free hand and inserted two fingers into her, and it worked like a charm.

It was chaotic and I didnt know which end was up and which end was down. All I knew was she tasted amazing. A flavor that was completely Bella and I savored every bit of it.

As I drove my fingers deeper and flicked my tongue on her clit, I could sense another one of her releases building, but this one wasn't like the others. It was far more powerful.

"Oh, my..." she moaned, wrapping both of her legs around my head and squeezing them securely together.

I was locked up and cocooned in her. This time when she came, I felt every shudder and quiver as she climaxed around me.

It was fucking beautiful…

That was three.

The moment she came down from her intense orgasm, her legs loosened and she set me free.

I smiled smugly as I stood up and looked down at her. She was such a gorgeous mess. Her hair was mussed up, she was panting and her chest was heaving. The look in her eyes was extremely relaxed and dazed.

"Three down and one to go," I said.

She sat up and pointed behind me. "Go sit down over there."

I turned around and saw that she wanted me to another go sit on another bench, but this one was more like a foot stool of sorts. It was taller, but it looked just the same.

"Yes, Mistress," I said, going over to the stool and taking a seat.

She hopped off the table and sauntered towards me. She was so beautiful and her body was out of this world, it never ceased to amaze me how much I was attracted to her. It drove to the point of insanity, and I placed my hands behind me, gripping the seat. I waited for with abated breath, anticipating whatever she planned to do to me next.

To my surprise, she bent down and kissed me. It was deep and passionate, and I lost all my sense of being. It wasn't until she pulled away from my lips and grabbed a hold of me firmly in her hand, did I snap back to reality.

She threw her leg over my lap and hovered over me. She was basically straddling me now. Her hand was still gripping my cock and poised it at her entrance.

She looked at me cautiously as I sucked in large quantities of air, and I nodded at her. It was my way of silently communicating and ensuring to her that I could fucking handle it.

Hopefully I wasn't all talk.

"I come first or we come together, is that clear?" she warned.

"Yes, Mistress." My voice was shaky.

"Baby," she said, grabbing my chin as she lowered herself on me. "Keep your eyes on mine at all times."

I nodded as she completely immersed me in her heat and tight walls.

_Fuck!_

It felt so fucking good—to the point where I thought I was going to fucking pass out. Everything about her was driving me crazy, and if she moved one fucking inch, I was done.

"Please, don't move," I begged, gripping her hips and keeping her put.

I was fully inside of her now—up to the fucking hilt. She stayed still, placing her forehead on mine and wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Just let me know when you're ready," she said.

"I'm ready," I replied, shifting my hips upward and felt her clench and contract around me. " _But_ slowly, okay?"

"Okay," she said as she started to rock her body back.

It was so agonizingly sweet and I was barely able to within stand it.

"Kiss me, please," I said.

She bent down and placed her lips on mine, chastely at first, but as our movements quickened and became more forceful, so did our kiss.

It was fucking exquisite—the smell of her hair in my face, the taste of her on my tongue, and the feel of being up inside her.

Our hands roamed over each other's bodies, feeling as much as we could as we got closer and closer to completion.

My mind was in utter bliss, and as I bucked my hips, lifting her tiny frame up, I could feel her climax building once again.

I was going for number four...

"Baby," she said, kissing me more deeply and forcefully. "Come with me."

That was all I needed to fucking hear.

"Wrap your legs around me," I mumbled against her lips.

She did exactly as I asked and I placed my hands underneath her ass, quickly rising to my feet and lifting her up with me. I shuffled us both across the room and laid her back down on that large, bed-like bench of hers.

That was when I got some footing and leverage as I pounded into her, almost relentlessly. It was rough, it was quick, and it was what we both needed.

She grabbed a hold of my shoulders and arched her back. My mouth immediately went over one of her erect nipples as I fucked my Mistress... _hard_.

She screamed my name and squeezed around me, like a God damned vice, as she came. It took two to three more forceful thrusts until I was coming undone, as well.

My climax was explosive, intense, and well overdue.

I may have shouted out a string of profanities that were intermingled with my Mistress' name before collapsing on top of her. I was completely spent.

I peppered her skin with soft kisses as we both laid there out of breath and exhausted. She wrapped her arms around me and hummed softly.

I peeked up at her and smirked. "And that's four."

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

The dungeon was eerily quiet as we exited the playroom. It was pretty late in the evening now and we both were pretty worn out from our extracurricular activities. Bella stated that she wanted to get home and take a shower before we head over to Jasper's party, and that was just fine with me.

In fact, I needed to get back to my own apartment and pack up my things. Bella may have not said it outright, but I knew that she wanted me to move back in with her. We were in this hazy and peculiar place in our relationship where I was her boyfriend, but also her submissive. I'm not sure if the same rules applied, but if she wanted me to cook her dinner and clean her house, well strap a fucking apron on me, because being away from her was far more torturous. My need and desperation to be with her wasn't entirely healthy, but I said goodbye to my sanity the moment I laid eyes on her.

Bella shut the door quietly behind us and there was a moment of stillness as we said our goodbyes. She was handling it a lot better than I expected. The strength she showed was incredible and I didn't know how she was doing it. The dungeon was a huge chunk of her life. She was giving up more than just a business. She was letting go of some of her identity.

"Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing my hand up and down her back.

"Yeah, I'm fine—well, I'll be fine," she replied, looking up at me and smiling weakly.

She was trying to be strong…for whom, I didn't know.

"Maybe we should go…" I trailed off, my eyes glancing away from her and down the hall.

She stood up straighter and gave me a firm nod, resolute even. "No, you're right. I need to get on with it."

"That's not what I meant," I protested.

"No, I know, but someone needs to say it. Look, I'm going to be fine. This is just the grieving period, that's all."

"Baby," I said, taking a step towards her and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "who are you trying to convince?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"You know, you don't have to be strong all of the time. It's okay to be…"

"What? Vulnerable?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know what that even means, Edward. The only thing I know how to be is  _this_ ," she said, gesturing around us. "There wasn't time to be anything else but strong. This is who I am."

"I'm not debating that you're strong, Bella. I fucking know you are. I just want you to know that it's okay to  _not_  to be."

Bella shook her head at me, fighting against those feelings that wanted to break through. She was so stubborn and I knew how important it was for her to be tough. It just killed me that she was hurting inside and I couldn't fix it. I was just a mere spectator on the bleachers, wishing that she would let me play a few innings.

I reached out for her, but she blocked my advances, putting her hand on my chest and forcing me to keep my distance.

"We should go," she said, echoing my previous statement.

I cleared my throat and nodded. "Okay."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, signaling to me that she wasn't mad…just closed off. At this point, I would rather her be pissed—at least it would be something.

It was like trying to cross a bridge to safety because your running away from a fire, but when you get there, a piece of the bridge had been broken off. You can't go back because you'll be burned alive, but you can't go forward, either. You're just stuck…hopelessly waiting to die.

If Bella won't let go forward with her, where was I to go?

As we came into the lounge, we both stopped in our tracks. There was a cold wind blowing in through the open door and in front of that door was Aro. He stood in the middle of the room, his long black trench coat whipping around him. He smiled when he saw us, almost like we were all friends.

"Ah, there you are," he said to Bella.

I wasn't a person, just a submissive in his eyes.

"Aro, how did you get in here?" Bella asked, horrified.

"It's my dungeon, my dear—or did you forget?" he said.

"I didn't forget," she replied. "I'll be completely out of here by tomorrow, Aro. I just needed to cancel my appointments."

"Oh, there's no hurry," he said, waving her off. "I just wanted to orientate my newest employee to the dungeon."

"Your employee? You're going to keep the dungeon open?"

"Of course, I am. Did you honestly think I would shut this place down? It's a gold mine."

"I see," Bella said as she squeezed my hand even tighter. "So, who did you get to run the dungeon, Aro? Annabeth?"

He laughed. "Annabeth? Oh, no, not that… _woman_. No, I got someone who has the same vision as me and knows how to follow rules."

I could see the confusion on Bella's face as she mentally went through a list of Domme's. Aro patiently waited for her, but the curl of his lip, told me that she was going to be way off—no matter who she guessed.

"Give up?" he teased.

"Don't I always?" Bella said, spitting as much venom and hatred as she could in that one sentence.

"Hmm, well, not in the ways I want you to. At any rate…my dear," Aro called over his shoulder, "you can come in now."

The next few seconds were agonizing as we waited for the new Dominatrix to appear. The click-clacking of her shoes on the ground was an ominous sound and even before she came strolling into the Dungeon, I knew it wasn't going to be good.

The red, fiery hair was the first thing I saw, followed by her calculating smirk. Her wide, green eyes focused on me for a second, then back over to Bella where they narrowed into thin slits.

"Victoria?" Bella hissed.

"I bet you're surprised to see me here, aren't cha?"


	37. Plan B

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

**~Plan B~**

Bella barely flinched, smiling with complete ease as she replied to Victoria's taunting question. "I would've been more surprised if he hired Annabeth—an actual Dominatrix—who is at least qualified for the job. But Aro doesn't want a real Dominatrix; he just wants to get back at me. So, he hired you." She turned her attention away from Victoria and locked eyes with that prick. "Isn't that right?"

There was neither a hint of remorse or amusement on his face as he stared back at her. The man was an emotionless enigma—like a soulless and blank canvas.

Victoria, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. Every thought and feeling she had was easily conveyed on her scowling face.

She crossed her arms over her chest and spat back viciously. "Oh, you would just love that, wouldn't you? You don't want to admit that I'm a better Domme than you. It must kill you to know that actually lost your dungeon to  _me—_ the same woman that you fired! Tell me,  _Bella_ , how does it feel to be second best?"

 _This woman is delusional,_ I thought, chuckling softly to myself.

Bella was poised and controlled, shrugging her shoulders impassively. "Honestly, it doesn't really matter what I think anymore."

The lack of interest in Bella's response only seemed to infuriate Victoria more.

She wanted vengeance.

She wanted Bella's blood.

Victoria wanted my girl to pay for all the wrong that was ever done to her, and she had hoped that Bella would be heartbroken over the loss of her dungeon—which she was—but Bella's indifference was the thorn in Victoria's side. No matter what they did to her, my Mistress was never going to give them satisfaction of seeing her pain.

"Get out of  _my_ dungeon!" Victoria screamed as her face turned beet red with anger.

"With pleasure," Bella said as she squeezed my hand and proceeded to lead me towards the open door.

As expected, Victoria wasn't pleased with letting us leave civilly and decided to push my Mistress' buttons even further.

"Hold on there," she said, stepping into our path and placing her hand on my cheek and gently caressed it, making my fucking skin crawl. "You can't take him. He belongs to me now."

_Wait a minute…What the fuck did she just say?_

As her words fully registered, I felt my anger slowly seep its way into my veins, coursing and pulsing through me with a fury. It took all that I had to fight against my instincts to react. My initial thought process was chaotic, and I kept telling myself to remain calm and stay still. The last thing I needed was to fucking respond with blind violence—not that I would ever hit a woman...but the thought sure did cross my mind.

"What did I tell you about touching my submissive, Mistress?" Bella seethed, smacking Victoria's hand away from my face.

She smirked, looking smug for finally getting a reaction out of Bella. "Well,  _technically_ , you're no longer a Domme in this community, and therefore, you have no ownership over a submissive."

What the fuck was she talking about, owning me and shit? Granted, I was Bella's sub, but I could leave whenever I wanted. I wasn't her fucking slave—well, so to speak.

Aro nodded in assent and said. "Leave him."

"Now hold the fu—" I started to say but was immediately cut off by Bella.

"Edward is leaving with me."

"He's not yours to keep,  _Bella_ ," Victoria said, reaching out to grab a hold of my arm.

Bella was quick and yanked me away from her grasp. "He's not yours to take, either,  _Victoria_. He may be a submissive at heart, but he's not a possession. He's a person who chooses who he wants to be with, and he chooses to be with me."

I wanted to say something; to raise my voice and address the fucking insanity, but I stayed quiet...invisibly gagged by my Mistress' dominance.

My eyes landed on the root cause of all this chaos. He was standing by the front desk, leaning against it casually. He looked disinterested in everything that was going on, and I fucking hated him. He ruined my girl's life, simply because of his pure and unadulterated selfishness to attain her as his own...

And I wanted that fucker dead.

Bella gently squeezed my hand, bringing me back from the brink. I hadn't realized it, but I'd been slowly advancing towards Aro.

"We're both leaving now," she said with assertiveness, looking back and forth between Aro and Victoria.

She was daring them to stop her.

"What is he to you, Isabella?" Aro asked, suddenly interested. "Why do you care so much about this one?"

"He's more than just a submissive to me, Aro. He's also my twenty-four seven," Bella said.

"Yes, so was James, but when I asked you to decollar him, you did so without an ounce of remorse or hesitation," he said, pushing himself off the desk.

"That was completely different situation," Bella said, giving me a sideways glance before flitting away from my gaze and back at him.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Bella replied, confused.

"Why is he different? You've choose to give up your title as a Dominatrix and your dungeon for him. I want to know why you're fighting so hard to keep this... _boy_."

My jaw clenched and my muscles strained as I tried to remain in control.

"It's because she's selfish, Aro," Victoria spat.

Now, that woman was grating on my last fucking nerve and definitely wasn't helping the situation.

"No, my dear, I don't think that's the reason," Aro said, waving her off. "It's something else...something more, isn't it?"

He was asking a question he already knew the answer to, but he wanted her to say it out loud. He knew as well as I did that asking her to confess her feelings—admitting to being vulnerable—was a hard limit for her.

He was hoping to stir conflict between us, and I looked down at my girl, begging her with my eyes.

_Come on, baby, just tell him._

The silence loomed and I feared that she was going to succumb to his trap. It didn't look promising when she untangled her fingers from mine, causing my hand to fall limply to my side. The smile on Aro's face told me that he won this round, and my heart broke into a million pieces.

 _Well, if she can't tell me that she loves me, there was no way she was going to tell him._ My inner-pessimist reminded me.

Then Bella did something completely unexpected. She turned her body into mine and wrapped her arms around my waist, tightly interlocking her fingers as she pulled me into her.

"You want the truth, Aro?" she asked.

"Of course, my dear," he said.

"I'm in love him."

That was when shit finally hit the fan. The simple declaration of love was momentous and the room erupted with a plethora of reactions: my boastful grin, Victoria's outrageous hissy-fit, Aro's immense disappointment, and Bella's indifference to it all.

It was fucking great.

"Oh, Isabella," he said, shaking his head. "I thought I trained you better than that."

Bella shrugged. "I was never the behaving kind."

"Yes," he said, rubbing the deep creases on his forehead, "I'm starting to see that about you."

"I want you and your..." Victoria huffed, unable to say the words out loud as she stomped her foot like a pouting child. "I want you both out of  _my_ dungeon. Now!"

Good God, she was... _ridiculous_.

"Oh, don't you worry, we are definitely leaving," Bella reiterated, inching me towards the door once again. "I'll be packed and completely out of here by tomorrow afternoon."

This time around, Victoria was more than willing to let us by, but Aro, well, he wasn't as generous.

He shot his hand out and forcefully laid it upon my chest, stopping me in mid-step, and causing me go stumbling backwards.

He narrowed his eyes and spoke tersely. "This will not end well for you, boy."

There was that fucking word again…boy.

"Edward, just ignore him, okay? He's getting desperate now," Bella said, gently tugging on my arm. "He knows he can't control me anymore."

She was right.

The man was obviously trying to get a rise out of me, looking to gain some leverage in a war he'd already lost. In hindsight, I should've listened to her, but the gag order had finally been lifted and I'd been silent for way too fucking long.

"Dude, get your hand off me," I told him.

"Do you know who you're talking to, submissive?" he spat back condescendingly.

I laughed, shaking my head at the sheer audacity of his self-appointed importance.

"Look, man, Bella isn't a Domme anymore, remember?  _You_ fucking took that away from her. So,  _technically_ , I'm no longer a submissive. As far as your concerned, I'm just a pissed off boyfriend, who  _will_ break your fucking hand if you don't remove it from my God damn chest. Got it?"

The prick's eyes widened slightly as the realization dawned on him—I would literally kill him if he continued to test me.

"Fair enough," he said as he slowly retracted his hand, taking a large step back and giving me a wide berth to pass him.

It seems as though the big bad wolf was a giant pussy. It was a little disappointing to see him back down so easily. I mean, I would've really loved punching the asshole in his fucking jaw.

_Ah, well...maybe next time._

"Edward, come on, let's go. He's not worth it," Bella said, glancing back at Victoria. "Neither of them are."

I looked down at her and saw the fierceness in her eyes. She wasn't scared or concerned; she was just done with it.

I smiled, stroking her cheek lovingly. "You're right. Let's get the hell out of here."

We left hand and hand, feeling completely triumphant as the large metal door closed behind us. The loud boom echoed and reverberated off the cement walls. The garage was virtually empty, but our cars were parked side by side...presenting a united front, just like Bella and me.

Okay, admittedly, I was a tad bit giddy and pumped by the confrontation with that Aro. The fact that I said what I wanted, expressing how much I hated that fucker, had added a little extra pep to my step.

This didn't go unnoticed by Bella, and when we got to our cars, she placed her hands on her hips and glowered at me.

"What?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"That caveman shit still bugs the hell out of me, you know that, right?"

I laughed, grabbing a hold of her hand and pulling her into my arms, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "Yeah, I know, but the fucker was trying to intimidate me. I just wish that he had taken it a step further and punched me or something. At least make the shit interesting."

"Edward, the last thing you need to be doing is fighting Aro. It would be a pointless effort on your part and you would just end up pissing me off."

"It would be worth it to me just to hit the smug smile off his fucking face." The hatred that I harbored for that man was evident in my voice.

She groaned, realizing that she wasn't going to win with me.

"I mean, wouldn't you just loved to deck Victoria? I'm telling ya, she was clearly asking for it."

She laughed, shaking her head at me. "You men are all the same—flexing your manly muscles, determined to mark your territory."

"There are just some traits that even evolution couldn't dispel, Bella."

"Are you implying that your actions were driven by Darwin's theory of ' _Survival of the fittest_ '?"

"Well, I sure as hell wasn't referring to Nietzsche's theory," I joked.

Bella removed her warmth from our embrace, looking up with her eyebrows quirked and a bemused smile. "Yeah, well, both ' _theories_ ' were a bit flawed—Granted, some more than others. Anyways, let's not get into that, okay?"

"Okay," I said, chuckling.

It impressed me that Bella got the Nietzsche reference, and I wanted to pick her brain a little more on her thoughts on evolution, but I knew that we couldn't stay here any longer. It was time for us to leave.

"Are you coming home with me?" she asked, her eyes wide and hopeful.

"Yeah, I'm just going to follow you there."

"Okay," she said, unlocking her car and getting in. She glanced back up at me before she closed the door. "Do me a favor and try not to get into anymore trouble."

I shrugged, folding my arms over my chest, flexing my biceps as I leaned back against the side of my car. "I'll see what I can do."

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

As I followed closely behind Bella on the freeway, I mentally tabulated how much it would cost to buy my Mistress another Dungeon. She said that the only way she would ever be able to start up a business of her own was if she liquidated all of her assets.

In other words, the amount to rebuild her life as a Dominatrix was going to be astronomical.

Money was going to be a constraint for the both of us, and for the first time ever, I wished my family had set me up with a mother-fuckin' trust fund.

The only way I was going to get my hands on some cash was to ask my parents for it. If I could work with them for a down payment and get a decent loan from a bank, I figured that getting my girl up and running again would be fairly easy.

The only problem was trying to summon enough courage to approach them. Did I want to tell the truth about everything or did I want to lie to them? Since Christmas, they've seemed very open and receptive towards Bella and my life with her, but did that open-mindedness extend to her lifestyle as a professional Dominatrix?

There was only one way to truly find out: I had to ask them.

Pulling up behind her in the driveway, I smiled when the house came into view. It seemed like years since I'd been here last. All those days of living away from her—my home—was complete hell. But now, I was staring up at heaven's pearly gates and it was fucking surreal.

Bella greeted me at my window and gave me a strong feeling of déjà vu as my first day here came to mind.

She smiled, tapping her knuckles against the glass. I rolled it down and she leaned in, engulfing me with her heady fragrance.

"How was the ride? Did you stay out of trouble?" she asked.

"Yes, Ma'am, I did as I was asked and was a very good boy."

"That's too bad...I like it when you misbehave," she said with a slight pout as her lips came crashing into mine.

The kiss was deep and fervent as her tongued peeked out of her mouth and intermingled with mine. The soft sensation of her fingers sweeping across the little hairs at the nape of my neck was fucking tremendous.

The large chunk of metal that separated us was my new found nemesis, and I reached for the door handle in an effort to set me free. However, the shit was jammed shut, and my motor coordination was being easily distracted by my girl's close proximity.

Bella pulled away from me when she caught on to my unsuccessful attempts to open the door. I groaned in frustration and eagerly chased after her lips.

"Let's go inside," she said, slapping me lightly on the cheek as she righted herself.

I sat in the car fucking speechless, watching her as she walked away from me. Every sway of her hips was hypnotizing and forever imprinted into my memory. When she stopped by the stairs and glanced back at me with her brow furrowed with confusion, I decided not to keep her waiting any longer.

Once inside, Bella dropped off her purse on the foyer table and headed straight for the kitchen. She kept looking over her shoulder every few seconds to make sure that I was still following behind her—which I was...

Of course, I was.

Where else would I be?

"You hungry?" she asked, opening the refrigerator.

"I can eat."

"Good. What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Well, I got leftover Chinese takeout, some lunch meat..." she paused and peered up at me with a mischievous grin, "Do you like tofu?"

That one word put my feet into motion, and if I didn't intervene soon, Bella was going to be sticking some healthy sludge down my throat.

Suddenly there was this overpowering need to take over and cook for her. It was strange that my hatred for tofu turned into this desire to please her. The only way I could explain such a strong impulsion was the fact she trained me so well. The priorities that she instilled in me from day one were unlikely to ever leave me.

My Mistress may not realize it, but she had a very committed submissive.

"Tell you what, why don't you go sit down and let me make  _you_  something to eat," I told her, placing my hands on her hips and steering her towards the kitchen bar high-top.

She looked up at me nervously, biting down on her bottom lip. "Do you think that's such a good idea? You nearly burned down my kitchen the last time you cooked."

Fuck, I was never going to live that down.

"I'll be fine," I sighed. "I promise. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? You'll be right over there supervising me."

"This isn't about the tofu, is it?" she asked.

I scoffed. "Bella, give me some credit. I want to cook for you. That's all."

"Uh huh, sure. So, what if I wanted you to cook me up some tofu stir-fry? Would you?" She shoved the package into my face tauntingly and I dodged it, weaving my head to the side.

I opened my mouth to a few times to debate her claim, but ended up snapping it shut. She caught me and we both knew it.

"I can't believe this. Why do you hate it so much?" she asked.

"Because it's fucking awful," I said, gently snatching the paraphernalia out of her hands and reading the ingredients.

"If you tried it, Edward, you would actually see that's really good. It mimics the flavor of many foods and it's packed with protein..."

"Using the terms coagulating and curd to describe food on the packaging is not the way to sell me on it. How can you even eat this stuff?"

She laughed. "It's coagulated  _soy milk_  that is  _shaped_  into curd squares."

I made a disgusted face and some gagging noises to drive my point home.

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright, you've made your point. So, what are you going to make me then? I hope you have some grand meal in mind."

"I've got a few ideas..." I trailed off as Bella put her fingers through the belt loops of my jeans, yanking me towards her and I couldn't think. Literally my mind had checked out. I sighed, closing my eyes and putting my hands on her shoulders as I gently pushed her away. "Can you please just go sit over there?"

"Okay, fine," she pouted as she went and sat down at the bar. "I don't mind being waited on."

"Thank you," I said, relieved. "Now, where was I?"

The first order of business was getting all my supplies ready. I pulled out all the food that I needed from the refrigerator and pantries, setting it down on the kitchen islander.

Since I wasn't much of a chef, I decided to go for simplicity. It was pretty late in the afternoon and we still had Jasper's barbeque later—now that kid could cook.

I was just about to prep the food when Bella spoke up.

"Sandwiches? That's what you're making for me?"

"Yup. It's my version of turkey and cheese on wheat," I replied, holding up my choices proudly. "Is that alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I was just…checking."

Ignoring the fact that she was kind of making fun of me, I took my culinary skills very seriously. It wasn't easy making a sandwich to my Mistress strict specifications.

Bella was extremely vocal about her likes and dislikes. In fact, she didn't mess around when it came to her mustard. It may seem like just a glob of yellow on her sandwich to most people, but to her, it was a very precise and weighted amount.

Cutting her sandwich in half, I placed it on a plate and handed it to her.

She took a tentative nibble of it, chewing it thoroughly before swallowing it down. She smiled up at me and nodded once in approval.

"This is really good," she said, taking a larger mouthful this time.

"Good deal," I said, pleased. My eyes flitted away as I was incapable to look her in the face with my next question.

It was a taboo topic in a way. It'd been on my mind since we left the dungeon and I'd been itching to ask her, but I needed it to be the right moment. Since she was content and currently being fed, I decided it was time to finally broach the subject with her.

"Is it okay if we talk about what happened back at the dungeon?" I asked.

Bella looked up at me and her eyes suddenly closed off and guarded. She slowly set down her half-eaten sandwich "Sure...what do you want to talk about?"

There were some reservations in her statement and it was best to tread lightly with her—especially if I valued my nuts.

"What were the terms of Aro's contract... _exactly_?"

She sighed, sounding a little flustered. "You never ask the easy questions, do you?"

"I ask the ones that matter," I said, still unable to fully meet her gaze.

"The terms were simple, Edward. Aro handed me the dungeon—rent free—and told me that all of the profits that were made would be mine. He didn't want any of the money and wasn't looking for me to pay him back. He said it was a gift to me. The only thing he asked was that he got complete control over all of my staffing and clientele."

"And that didn't alert you that something wasn't quite right?"

"He had a club of his own and I figured he was looking out for me. I trusted him and his experience. I didn't know how much he wanted to be involved in my decisions."

"So, this ex-Dom of yours gives you the free space—"

"And he also supplied me with the equipment and tools that I needed."

"But all of that stays with him now? None of it belongs to you?"

"Yeah...that was a bit unfortunate," she said with a shrug.

It was clear to me what she was doing, and as much as I understood her need to not dwell on shit that she couldn't change and to move on with her life, I knew she didn't mean it.

"It's gotta suck to lose all those toys and equipment."

"Yeah, it does. I mean, I'm not fully without toys, though. There were a few things that I'd bought over the years out of my own pocket. But those things were for my personal lifestyle and they're all upstairs now," she said with a small smile, reaching out and putting her hand over mine.

One of the personal items that she bought was the horse, and I briefly wondered how much she actually paid for that thing. It was basically a bunch of wood made into a bench, and I estimated that it couldn't have been that much.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I glanced back up at her and saw that she was watching me. There was this look of trepidation on her face...she was nervous.

Frankly, I think she was scared of my reaction, and didn't know how well I was handling her sudden candor.

"Did you ever think about buying him off?" I asked, hoping to keep the conversation going and to ease her fears.

"It wasn't a loan, Edward...Actually; I'm not sure what it was."

"So, let me get this straight, everything that in that building belongs to Aro now?"

"That's right."

"And after everything is said and done, you have nothing to show for all of your years of hard work?"

"Pretty much," she said, looking me dead in the eyes.

This was fucking insane. Bella was a smart woman, and I always assumed she was business savvy, but this deal she made with Aro was the irresponsible and stupid. He was the only one who got anything out of the deal and he knew exactly what he was doing when he offered it. Giving Bella that Dungeon wasn't done out of sheer generosity. No, it was a way for him to keep tabs on her and maintaining some form of control. It didn't matter if she stopped being his submissive, he still fucking owned her.

"Why would you ever agree to such ridiculous terms, Bella?" I blurted out, unable to contain my frustrations with her.

Her body stiffened and she narrowed her eyes at me, offended by my insinuation.

"I was desperate, Edward. I wanted to be out on my own and away from him, and I didn't care how I got it. So, when he offered me the deal, I jumped on it. I was too eager and too stupid to recognize that it was a mistake. By the time I'd realized it, I was too far into it. I had a responsibility to my clients."

Her eyes were burning a hole into my skull and I had to look away. Glancing down, I noticed that I'd been putting layers upon layers of mustard on the same slice of bread. It was nothing but a soggy mess now.

I laid the butter knife down and went around the islander, taking the seat beside her.

"So, what were you going to do? You weren't planning staying under his dictatorship forever, were you?" I asked.

"No, I was saving up money. I even had enough to buy my own dungeon at one point, but Angela needed an apartment and then there was her college tuition. I was back to resaving most of it when...well, when this happened."

It was hard to fault her for her decisions. She was only doing what she thought was right, and as misguided as that was, it made her imperfect—which made me love her all the more.

"Tell me about the situation with James."

"James was my boyfriend...who eventually crossed over and became my part-time submissive," she said.

I flinched slightly and clenched my teeth. "Okay."

The guy was old news, but I still didn't like thinking of him and her together. It was a selfish and hypocritical to want her to be celibate before she met me—especially considering my patchy track record.

"We were together for a few months when Aro found out about us," she continued. "He disapproved of it, of course. He told me that I needed to break it off with James or he was going to revoke my contract. So…I did."

"And just like that?" I snapped my fingers. "He tells you to do something and you just do it?"

That snarky comment of mine had sparked something inside her—guilt, sadness, anger—I didn't know, but she practically exploded out of her skin.

"Yeah, just like that. I'm a heartless and horrible woman, Edward. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I'm not trying to attack you, Bella. I'm just...I'm trying to understand," I said.

She nodded and let out a heavy sigh, regaining some of her composure. "He threatened to take away my dungeon—my livelihood. What was I supposed to do? I had to make a choice. Was it the right one? I believe so."

James' anger that day was making so much sense now, and I wondered if he actually knew why she broke up with him.

It would've driven me crazy if the tables were turned and Bella broke up with me, only to replace me with James a few days later.

My sympathy for him was short lived, though, and only went so far. The fact of the matter was that I still detested the guy.

The truth was slowly coming out, and I realized what really had happened between Aro and Bella Tuesday night.

"That night you picked me up, Aro had came to you and demanded that you get rid of me, didn't he?"

"Yes, that was one of his demands. At first, he asked me to come back and be his submissive, and like always, I said no. I told him that I loved my life as a Domme and I wasn't going back."

"What did he say to that?"

"He said he was fine with my decision and he could deal with me not being his submissive, but he would not—under any circumstances—tolerate me having a twenty-four seven. He said that I was his and demanded that I decollar you at once...or else."

"You don't fucking belong to him, Bella," I growled.

 _You're mine_.

She placed her hand on my cheek in an effort to calm me. It worked—to a point—but I was so blinded in my hatred for this man that I had no control over my resentment.

It consumed me.

"No, you're right, Edward. I don't belong to him. I never have. When I called you Tuesday night, I sort of led you to believe that I was undecided about my decision, but that was a lie."

"What do you mean?"

"I was anticipating something like this to happen ever since the night at Aro's club."

"You knew if you took me to his club that he would see me and..."

"Yes, I knew that he would be pissed and probably tell me to decollar you, but I wasn't going to hide you away. If he was going to make me choose between you and the dungeon, I already decided who I was going to choose. It wasn't even a contest."

There had always been that nagging fear that she was going to get bored of me and move on—which I probably deserved—but she actually stuck around and fought for me.

My mouth went dry, causing my voice to come out a bit raspy. "You gave up everything to be with me?"

"What else was I supposed to do? I wasn't about to lose you for a dungeon that'll never be mine." She angled her body towards be, placing her hands on my thighs. "There's nothing in this world that Aro could ever offer me to make me give you up."

All the sacrifices I'd made to be with her were nothing compared the sacrifices she made to be with me.

I was in fucking awe of her simple beauty, and I wanted nothing more than to make her mine.

"Then marry me, Bella."

She groaned, falling back into her seat. "You promised you wouldn't do this, Edward."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but I just can't understand why you don't want to. I know you love me."

"I do, but I just don't think I would be a good wife to you. I'm not wired like most women. I don't care about...I can't be that docile, and furthermore—"

"Hold up, time out," I interrupted. "I'm not asking you to change who you are. Why would you think that?"

"Well, isn't that what married people do...they change?"

"Sure, I guess, but we're not other people, Bella. We're us. We set our own limits and make up our own rules, remember? We have a fucking contract that says so."

"Then why do you need another contract to solidify our commitment? Why can't we just be?"

She was fighting so hard against me and looking so fucking beautiful in the process, but I was determined to stay focused. She was going to see it my way—even if it killed me.

"It's not about some nonsensical piece of paper. I'm committed to this relationship no matter what."

"Then what is it?" she asked, pressing her forehead against mine and running her fingers through my hair. "Why do you need to marry me so badly? What is with this obsession of yours?"

I debated for a good minute, deciding whether or not to tell her, but in the end being truthful with her always won out.

"Because it's the only way I can collar you and show the world that you belong to me."

The need was pretty evident in my voice, more than I wanted, and I cursed myself for being that weak.

Bella pulled away from me and chuckled. "Ah, so you want to mark your territory?"

She was making light of the situation and I was relieved.

"Why not," I said, lifting up my shirt and pointing the homage tattoo of my Mistress. "You've marked yours."

She reached out and touched my skin gingerly. "Yes, I forget you have this. I've never told you, but this is..."

"Sexy?"

"Yeah..." She cleared her throat, sitting back up in her chair and shaking her head, almost as if to clear her thoughts. "But that's not the point. You went behind my back and marked yourself. As a submissive, Edward, you don't get to collar your Domme. It's just not the way things are done."

"But it's not impossible?"

"No, it's not  _impossible_...it's just..."

"...Unheard of?"

"Yes—exactly! It's very unheard of and very unique."

"Like us?"

"A lot like us."

"Well then, that just proves how fucking perfect it all is. We have a chance to do something different and set new standards for Dommes and subs everywhere. We can make this work, Bella. We've just gotta try."

It took all I had to put as much passion and strength into that one sentence. I had to make her see. She had to know that we could do it. That we were better than most and that we fucking belong together.

Bella had to know it was true, right?

She looked at me doubtfully, and I could see her mind making up all these excuses why it wouldn't work. She was starting to believe all that negative and pessimistic bullshit that her inner voice told her—the protector, who wouldn't give in…no matter what.

"Wow, you just don't give up, do you?" she asked.

"No, not if it's something I truly want."

She picked up her forgotten sandwich and took another bite. "I can be stubborn, too, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But I can wait. I've got nothing but time." I smirked.

"Why doesn't this scare you? You're a young guy, Edward. How can you even begin to think about marriage? You haven't even graduated college."

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just not holding myself back anymore. I find something that I want and I just go for it."

"That takes a lot of courage...being so sure of what you want. Most people aren't so lucky."

"It wasn't easy, that's for sure, but the moment I decided to stop lying to myself about who I was and what you meant to me, things got a hell of lot simpler. I'm not over thinking shit anymore. I'm embracing it."

"That's wise advice," she said, smiling warmly at me. "Your mom told me that you were some kind of a genius. I'm starting to think she was right."

I rolled my eyes. "Even if my IQ was  _forty_ , Bella, I would still be smart enough to recognize a good thing when I had it."

"Well, maybe that makes me a genius, too."

"Of course you are. You chose me, didn't you?"

She laughed. "Cocky as ever, I see."

"Bella," I said, my tone turning serious, "you know that this break from Aro is a good thing, right? That we'll get through it and things will get better."

Her eyes bored into mine and so many emotions flashed across her face. It was brief, but long enough for me to fully encompass what she was feeling. Mostly she was scared and unsure, but under all that fear was hope.

"Yeah, I know," she said quietly, looking away from me and breaking the connection.

The plan to get back her life back as a Dominatrix was formulating in my mind, and as I reached over to kiss her, I silently promised her with my lips to do what I could to make her happy again...

And I'd always been a man of my word.


	38. Auld Lang Syne

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

**~Auld Lang Syne~**

"Hey, guys! Happy New Year!" Jasper greeted, ushering Bella and me through his front door. "Come in, come in."

It was a little after nine—less than three hours until the ball dropped, bringing in the year two-thousand and eleven—and Jasper's party started at seven-thirty...so technically, we were late.

Normally, I'd be the first one at Jazz's house, feasting on his famous barbeque bratwurst and hamburgers, but this year, things were different.

I had Bella.

When we were leaving our house, I suggested to her that we get some dinner, just the two of us, before heading to the party.

It was selfish request, but I wanted her all to myself for just a few more hours longer.

Thankfully she was more than willing to oblige me—and I didn't even have to get on my knees and beg her.

Then again on second thought, that might not have been so bad.

"So..." I started to say as the silence lingered.

We were standing awkwardly in his foyer, staring at each other as the music thumped loudly from the living room. Jasper was fully decked out in his Sunday's best and wearing this ridiculous top hat. It was appropriate for the occasion, displaying 'Happy New Years', across the front in glitter, but it killed his cool factor. To make matters even worse, he cocked it to the side to where it dipped below his right eye.

"...I'm loving that cap, dude."

He smiled widely, taking my jeer as a compliment. "Thanks, man."

"This is for you," Bella said, handing him a bottom of champagne.

He reached out for it, swaying slightly from side to side and nearly losing his balance in the process. I watched him suspiciously, not sure if he was just fucking around or if he truly needed someone to catch him.

He read the label, mouthing the words to himself and he looked back up with a shocked expression. "This is some good and expensive shit. That's awesome. Thanks, Bella."

I cocked my head to the side, feeling slightly affronted by the way he didn't thank me as well. I mean, not to sound petty or anything, but it was from my parents fucking collection. I was the one who swiped it from them on Christmas, and what sort thanks do I fucking get?

Nothing! Absolutely jack shit.

No, Jasper just shoved the bottle of Cristal Brut into my chest— _hard_ —and practically forced me to hold on to it. Luckily, my reflexes were good; otherwise the 'bubbly' would've smashed all over his fancy, but highly destroyable, tile floor.

"Wow, Bella,look at you," he said with a slight slur, grasping a hold of her hand and kissing it. "How do you always manage to look so damn amazing every time I see you?"

I scoffed.

This was the second time he's seen her…Seriously, was he fucking kidding me with this shit?

"It must be the lighting, but thank you," Bella said dismissively, smiling politely and withdrawing her hand from his. "You also seem... _well_."

He winked at her a few times, almost to the point to be fucking excessive, and I chose this time to step in and put a kibosh to his tactless flirting.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What she  _meant_ to say, Jazz, is that you  _seem_ pretty fucking wasted. How many drinks have you had, man?" I asked, slightly more concerned than angry.

It was unlike him to drink so much, and it kind of worried me. He was acting a lot like...like the  _old_ me.

He waved me off. "I've had a few here and there."

"Just a few? I don't know, man, you're pretty fucking shit-faced. Where's your girl? Why isn't she keeping better tabs on you?" I asked, looking over towards the crowd, hoping to locate Alice and have him focus his attention on her.

"Who do you think is my bartender, buddy?" he replied, leaning over and throwing his arm around my neck. He practically covered my whole ear with his lips and whispered. "I think she's trying to get me drunk, hoping to lower my inhibitions so I'll put out later."

"Seriously, dude?" I asked, shoving him off me. "Keep that sort of shit to yourself."

He chortled loudly, shaking his head at me. "Jesus, man, since when do you get all fucking bashful about sex?" He turned to Bella. "What have you done with  _my_ Edward?"

She put up her hands defensively. "Hey, don't look at me. I actually encourage the dirty talk—the more the better."

"You see," he said, throwing his arm around her, "now that's the kind of stuff I am talking about— _liberation_."

He then took off his hat and placed it on top of Bella's—almost as if he was knighting her—and pulled her towards the living room.

"Let's get you drunk, gorgeous," he said.

_What the fuck..._

I clenched my teeth, keeping my temper under control as I held the bottle tightly to my chest.

It was serving as a distracter and a way for me to refocus my thoughts...except there was a slight problem. It was very short-lived.

My eyes honed in on Jasper as I followed closely behind him and Bella. I watched the placement of his hand on her back and the way he smiled down at her as they chatted, swapping jokes and whatnot.

In the far back portion of my brain, where I thought logically, I knew that his actions were harmless. He wasn't trying to hook up with my girl or anything—I fucking knew that. But the part of me that took over, the irrational and possessive part, didn't like him touching her.

There was always this painful and uncomfortable pang that shot through me whenever my jealousy kicked in. It had a way of knocking me flat on my ass, and it wasn't something I could easily control, either. It was more like a reflex. It caused this fierce need to keep her all to myself, and the only thing that ever eased that feeling was when I had her back in my arms.

It was a vicious fucking cycle, destined to repeat itself.

Of course I would never admit to this shit out loud—nor would I let my feelings get the best of me.

I wasn't  _completely_ off my fucking rocker.

When we entered the living room, it didn't take me long for me to track down Emmett. He was out there on the make-shift dance floor, grinding his ass up against an amused looking Rosalie.

As he turned around to face her, he raised his cup above her head to give him more room as he danced, but the motions of his poorly executed moves were spilling beer out of the cup and all over Rosalie's hair. I watched this for a couple of minutes, highly entertained by it, until she finally figured it out and pushed him away.

Rose looked over and locked eyes with me briefly. She smiled and started to swat at an oblivious Em and redirected his attention to where we stood.

"Hey!" he shouted, waving his hand high in the air—as if we couldn't see him.

The guy was six-five and towered over everyone. Overlooking him in the crowd was the  _real_ fucking challenge.

"It's about time you two got here," he said as he approached us.

Rose was trailing close behind him, but veered off course when her eyes landed on Bella.

"What the hell happened? Did you guys get lost?" he joked, pulling me into a hug and patting me hard on my back.

"No, we didn't get lost. We just stopped off and grabbed some dinner before we came," I said, managing to cough out a sentence.

"What the fuck, man?" Jasper asked, swinging around and punching me in my bicep—nearly missing it.

His coordination skills were a bit off.

"Suddenly you're too fucking good to eat my food?" he asked, offended.

The kid was already pissing me off with the touchy feely shit on my girl and what I really wanted to say was:

_Yes, fucker, I wanted some alone time with my girl—and with good fucking reason, you God damn Hog!_

But I showed restraint and kept that shit to myself.

I rubbed my sore arm and asked. "Where did you say Alice was again?"

The mere mention of her name was his undoing, and like a clever plotted distraction, he walked off without saying a word, determined to go find her now.

I let out a sigh of relief.

Emmett laughed, shaking his head. "Man, I've haven't seen him this drunk since junior high."

"Yeah, it's definitely not the norm for the prim and proper Jasper. Seriously though, is everything okay with him? I mean, we don't have to set up an intervention...do we?" I asked only half-jokingly.

Like I said, the shit concerned me.

He was the only Whitlock in his family who actually knew how to spell the word ' _sobriety_ '.

"Nah, he'll be fine," Emmett said, waving me off. "He's just been hanging out at the bar with Alice most of night and being her little guinea pig," he paused and assessed me thoughtfully. "Speaking of which, you look like you could use a drink...unless you plan on drinking that whole thing."

He pointed down at the bottle that I still had clutched to my chest.

"Oh, hell no, this shit is way too rich for me." I laughed, setting it down on at the nearest end table. "Actually, I'm doing the sober thing tonight."

"What? Why?" Emmett asked.

" _Well_..." I started to say, giving a sideway glance over at my Mistress.

She was standing less than a foot from me talking with Rosalie, but she had her eyes on me. She'd been paying very close attention to my conversation with Emmett. So, when I silently sought her out to back me up on my decision not to drink, she answered with a firm nod and an encouraging smile instead.

I shook my head and chuckled. She never does what I expect.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"I'm DD tonight, remember?"

I'm not quite sure why I was protesting so hard, but the last thing I wanted to be was some drunken asshole. Jasper had already taken on that role for tonight.

"It's okay, Edward, I'll drive us home. I'm not much of a drinker, anyways," she said.

Fuck me; I was all out of excuses.. _._

" _But,_ " she continued when she saw my face fall, "If you're worried about drinking too much, I'll make sure to keep my eye on you."

"We both will," Rose added. "I'm keeping Em under a tight leash tonight. I don't want to have another repeat of last year."

"Jesus, baby," he groaned. "I puked on your mom's rose bush that one time and you still keep busting my balls about it. I brushed dirt over it with my shoe, didnt I?"

"Yes, sweetie, you covered your tracks very well and she never found out about it, but that's not my point. I'm just looking out for you, babe," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

As I looked away, I managed to lock eyes with Bella. She gave me a slight smile, and I could tell that she was just as uncomfortable with their PDA as I was.

The display lasted a little longer than needed, and even the music couldn't mask the wet, smacking noises they were making.

It was fucking gross.

"Jesus," I muttered. "Get a room."

Bella covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a laugh, and looking away from me.

I heard Rosalie sigh in irritation. "Well, it's always nice to see you, Edward."

"Likewise, Rose," I replied, keeping my eyes focused on anything and anyone but her and Em.

"Yeah, well, somehow I doubt that," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

There was a shift in the atmosphere and her attitude had caught me by surprise. It didn't take me long to realize that my half-hearted comment was taken at face value.

It was a mistake on my part and I snapped my head in her direction, eager to correct myself.

"No, I mean it. You've been a  _huge_ fucking help with Ang these past couple of days, and I was glad you were there."

Rose provided that estrogen element to the equation that neither of us guys could—and it didn't matter how many chick flicks we watched to get into that softer side, Angela needed a female perspective.

"Yeah, I second that," Bella said, placing her hand on Rose's arm. "Thank you."

Rose shrugged. "Please, you guys, it was nothing. Really. Angela's awesome, and I was happy to help out."

"Well, I'm just grateful that you were there for her," Bella said. "She needs someone she can look up to and,  _hopefully_ , listen to."

The longing in Bella's voice for her sister was evident, and it fucking crushed me.

"She's here, you know," Rose said.

"Oh?" Bella asked trying to play it cool now, but I saw right through her—and so did Rose.

"You've never been to Jasper's house before, have you? Would you like a quick tour of the place?" Rose asked.

Bella smiled knowingly, she wasn't stupid. She knew that it was just a ploy for Rose to get her alone, but like a pro, my girl decided to play along.

"Sure...why not," she said, looking back at me.

"If you need to find me—"

"He'll be over at the bar," Emmett interrupted me.

Bella nodded and turned away, following Rose down the steps that led into the kitchen and out of my sight.

The tightening in my chest was immediate and I wanted to search her out to relieve the sting, but I had to remind myself that she was only in the next room.

 _Fuck!_  Why the hell was I so clingy tonight? I needed to get a fucking grip and stop being so damn girly.

"Alright, dude, you got some catching up to do. You ready?" Emmett asked, throwing his arm around my neck.

Suddenly, drinking myself into an oblivion didn't sound like such a bad idea. Hell, I was willing to do whatever to help dull the ache and smooth out my edges.

"Lead the way," I said.

"Alright then," he said, tightening his hold on me and dragging me out towards the backyard.

Jasper had a wet bar set up out on his back porch. It was something he'd bought out of a magazine and had shipped to his house. He wasn't an avid drinker like his parents, but he was a well-prepared host. He even went as far as to set up at least six to seven heat lamps outside. It was winter in Chicago and the temperature at night would drop to a staggering ten degrees.

I'm sure he bought the lamps for his girl, making sure that her bartending duties didn't result in hypothermia. But even with the artificial warmth it was still chilly enough to make Alice wear her parka.

At first glance, I almost didn't recognize her. She looked the same as she always did with her shorter than normal stature and raven black hair, but it was her carefree behavior that had thrown me off.

She smiled and laughed with ease, mixing a various drinks and chatting with party-goers.

 _And_ she must have been a really good bartender too, because her tip jar was overflowing with money.

"Hey, Al," Em said as he stuffed some more bills into it.

"Hi, Emmett..." she replied, her sentence trailing off when her eyes landed on me. "Mr. Cullen."

In all fairness, we weren't exactly friends, and she was just being respectful towards her boss' son, but it was all too fucking stuffy and formal for my liking.

Mr. Cullen was my father's name, not mine.

Besides she was dating my fucking cousin. The lines between work and her personal life had already been crossed, why bother keeping up with the charade?

"Hello, Alice," I said, pulling a few bucks and added then to her ever growing pile. "It's okay to call me Edward, you know."

"Yeah, I know—and I'm sorry," she said, laughing nervously. "I just...I've known you as one thing for so long that it's kind of hard to break the habit."

"That's understandable," I said, quickly shifting gears. "So, what's good here? What do you recommend?'

"Well, let me see," she said, looking around her station. "I know the Jägerbombers have been a fan favorite tonight."

"Oh, yeah? How do you make one of those" I asked.

"Skip the bombers, Al, and just give these two knuckleheads a beer."

I turned towards the unexpected voice and saw Angela standing there. She was smirking up at me, looking more like the smartass girl I'd come to know and love.

"Hey there…Skipper," I said.

Emmett snorted. "Skipper. Classic."

Angela glared at me and I could tell she wanted to slap me senseless. She fucking hated it when I called her that, but that was the whole point of a nickname. She wasn't supposed to like it.

The way I stumbled upon that particular nickname was a happy accident, and ironically, she was the one who started it.

One night she was bitching about Bella, complaining that people only saw her as the kid sister or some shit, and so naturally, a light-bulb went off in my evil head. Somehow, I managed to pull out of my memory banks the name that Victoria used to insult her that night at Aro's club.

It was mean, granted, but that shit was too good to pass up. I couldn't resist.

"I will fucking end you, Edward," she said in a threatening tone.

I laughed, mussing up her hair with my hand."Uh huh, sure you will, Skipper."

She swatted my hand away. "You don't think I can? Try me."

I rolled my eyes. "I have sixty pounds on you and I tower over you by eight, maybe nine, inches. You don't have a fucking chance."

"Oh, yeah?" She spat, punching me in my chest—which hurt like a bitch, but I wasn't about to back down.

"You hit like a girl," I teased.

She went to sock me again, but this time I was ready for her and caught a hold of her wrist. She began to struggle, trying to free herself from my grasp, but I only tightened my grip.

Emmett was laughing loudly now. "She's so tiny, E…like a little mouse."

"God, you guys need to fucking grow up," she growled, finally yanking herself free.

"Nah, it's too much fun bothering you," I said.

"Yup, you're our little sister now," Emmett said, yanking her into a massive bear hug and lifting her off the ground. He swung her around like a rag doll. "You're just going to have to deal with it."

" _Great_ ," she said once he put her back on her feet. She pushed Emmett playfully, "as if a pain in the ass older sister who's steals your Dom wasn't bad enough."

That comment rubbed me the wrong way and I glared at her, all humor gone now. "You don't know what you're talking, Ang."

She let out an exaggerated sigh."I was  _joking_ , Edward."

"Bullshit," I said.

Behind every joke there was a bit of truth to it. That comment she made was deeply rooted and saturated with bitterness. She had no idea what her sister had given up for her or what kind of an asshole her so-called Dom was.

"What do you want from me, huh? She's the one who stuck her nose in where it didn't belong—and then I get dumped because of  _her_!" she spat.

The longer they refused to hash it out the more hell my life was going to be. It was time that one of them swallowed their pride and ended this stupid fight of theirs.

"You need to go talk to her," I said.

"Why? We're better off without each other. She's happy and I'm…breathing."

"She's your sister, Ang, and this little fight of yours is killing her."

" _Good_ ," she said stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest.

I rubbed my forehead creases in frustration. "Despite what you may think, Ang, what happened between you and Aro wasn't Bella's fault. When are you going to stop making your sister pay for that asshole actions, huh? When are you going to start making him accountable?"

She looked at me like something had just occurred to her and she smiled. "You know what, I think you're right."

"So, you're going to take my advice and go talk with your sister?" I asked, somewhat hopeful, but knowing better.

She shrugged. "Sure."

Fuck, I knew it. She had no intention talking to Bella, which made me worried about the advice she was taking from me.

"You're going to do it tonight, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure thing," she said, blowing me off.

"I want you to promise me, Ang," I said, placing my hands on her shoulders and bending down to her eye level.

I wanted her to be looking me in the eyes when she lies to me.

"God, Edward" she groaned, pushing away from me. "I fucking promise, okay? Jesus, what the hell happened to you? You used to be more fun." She turned to Alice. "You know what, I changed my mind. Give this up-tight ninny the strongest shit you got. Grandpa fucking needs it."

Alice smiled tensely. "Um, okay, sure."

Angela looked up at me, clearly pissed, as she slammed her shoulder into my body as she pushed past me. I watched her as she stormed off towards the house. She never looked back.

_God damn it!_

"Edward, man, you gotta let them work shit out on their own," Emmett said.

"I am," I snapped, running my hands through my hair.

"No, you're not. You're pushing it."

"Don't be ridiculous, Em. I'm just leading them in the right and obvious direction."

"Dude, that's the same fucking difference. Look, just let them handle that sisterly crap on their own, alright? You don't want to get involved in that cluster fuck. Trust me."

"Fine, I'm staying out of it," I said, resigning in defeat. I sighed. "I just hate seeing them fight over such stupid ass shit."

"Yeah, I hear ya, bro, but you gotta let the chips fall where they may. They're sisters. They'll work it out. Well, anyways, enough of the heavy shit. Are you ready to get your drink on?"

Alice was pouring me a shot of Jager and pushed it towards me. It was the hard stuff and most likely to knock me on my ass, but I wanted to be clear tonight. I didn't want to fog up tonight's events with alcohol.

So, I pushed the dark brown liquid back Emmett's way and said. "Just give me beer."

**~~88~~88~~88~88~~**

As the party was droned on, I managed to slip away from my friends and go off on my own. My beer was warm now, and I'd idly been peeling off the label, working out a way to approach my parents for money. So far, after an hour or so, I've basically decided that taking them out to lunch in a crowded restaurant was my best bet.

There would be less yelling, but a lecture from them about my life and decisions was still a big possibility.

Whatever, I was used to it.

The solution to my Mistress' problem wasn't an easy fix, by any means, but I'd been thinking about it all day. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to be unhappy, and I would go to the ends of the earth to get my girl a dungeon.

Of course, I was fully aware that my plotting and scheming behind Bella's back would probably blow up in my face, but it was worth the risk. After all, I'm the reason she lost her dungeon in the first place.

I owed her.

Pouring my stale beer out into the bathroom sink, I looked up at my reflection and grimaced.

 _Fuck...what if she ends up hating me_?

The doubt was starting to seep its way in and weaken my resolve.

Her happiness meant more to me than anything, but I was selfish creature. The thought of not being with her was beyond horrifying.

"She loves you, Cullen" I said to my reflection.

But it did nothing to convince me.

Growling with frustration, I tossed my empty beer bottle into the trash. It seemed that my drinking days were over now, and add my decision to quit smoking to all of that, it was safe to say that my only relaxation outlet was going to be sex.

 _Bella_.

That's what I fucking needed.

It's been awhile—well over an hour—since Rose took her away from me. It was time to get reacquainted with my Mistress.

My one track mind was put into action, and as I exited the bathroom, I thought of ways to get her alone. It was going to be hard. My friends were clingy as fuck.

As I came around the kitchen and into the side hallway, I was immediately halted in my tracks. Bella and Rosalie were standing by entryway leading into the living room, and even though they were talking in low voices, I was able to overhear everything that they were saying.

I pressed myself against the wall, trying to flatten myself as much as possible, and hoping with all fucking hope that they didn't see me.

"When Emmett told me that Edward was in a serious relationship, I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical," Rose said.

"Edward was a player," Bella stated.

It wasn't a question and that killed me.

"Yeah, pretty much. It was nauseating to watch him go through women like they were nothing."

The sad part was that she was right. They were nothing to me but a notch on my bedpost—if that.

"I figured," Bella said, and I could just fucking see the dismay on her face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, but he was the biggest asshole I'd ever met. I hated him from the get-go. He was so arrogant about it too. It irritated me when Emmett tried to make excuses for him. I mean, I realize that they're boys, but come on. Your boy is a whore, you know?"

"What kind of excuses would Emmett make?"

"Well, he told me about Edward getting his heart broken when they were kids and how that kind of skewed his opinions on women."

 _Kate_.

I was going to fucking kill Emmett and his big ass mouth.

"Ah, so he was in love once."

Again, it wasn't a question.

"I guess. I really couldn't see Edward ever being in love, but stranger things have happened. He's obviously in love with you."

_That's right, Rose, bring the focus back to Bella._

"Do you know who the girl was?"

_Fuck!_

"Not really. She was some girl he had dated for a month or so. I guess he was fourteen, I don't know the exact details. Em just told me that she took his v-card and then broke up with him a week later."

Bella scoffed. "What a little bitch."

"I know, right? Such a bitch, but Edward made it really easy for people to  _not_ feel sorry for him, believe me."

It was silent for a split second and I wondered what Bella was thinking. The picture that Rose was painting of me wasn't all that flattering. It showed me for what I truly was, and well, the truth was ugly.

"Maybe he did those things so people wouldn't feel sorry for him. It's a lot easier to have people hate you than pity you."

My eyes widened, shocked by Bella's insight. Hell, even I didn't realize that was what I was doing until she said it.

 _Yeah, keep making piss-poor excuses, Cullen_.

"Maybe...I don't know. I just figured he was this disease infested man-slut who didn't give a shit about anyone but himself," Rose said.

Well, her kind words about me certainly didnt last long. We were back on the Edward-hate train.

_All aboard._

"Can I ask you a question?" Rose asked.

"Of course," Bella replied.

"What did you see in him?"

"Why did I decide to date the disease infested man-slut?"

That term was quickly grating on my nerves.

"Yeah," Rose answered through her chuckles. "You don't seem like the type of woman who puts up with guys like him. You know, the man who just uses girls."

I'm not denying that I was a fucking cad, but she makes it seem like these girls that I dated didn't know what they were getting into with me. As if I ever fucking lied to them and lead them to believe we were something more.

If there was an ever a moment I wanted to make my presence known and interrupt their conversation, it was definitely this one.

"I kind pretty much summed up who he was the moment I saw him," Bella said.

"So, why did you date him? Why even go there? I can't imagine that any lie he would've told you would convinced you otherwise."

I took a few steps in their direction, inch by tiny inch, desperate to hear Bella's answer.

"To Edward's credit, Rose, he never pretended to be something different. I don't know how he was with other girls, but with me, he was very truthful about what he wanted."

"So, that's why you dated him? He wasn't fake with you?"

Rose sounded surprised, like that wasn't a good enough reason to date the man-whore. This wasn't going the way I'd hoped—in fact, I was pretty sure whatever confidence I had was now shattered.

"No, it was his unyielding persistence."

"So, he actually chased you?" Rosalie asked, sounding shocked.

Bella laughed. "He did more than just  _chased_ me. The boy practically  _stalked_ me. But you're right about one thing, I didn't trust him…not one bit. Edward is handsome and  _extremely_ charming, and I'm sure a lot of girls—girls who don't know any better—fall for that, but I'm not so easily persuaded."

Yeah, that was for damn sure.

"So, you played hard to get. Good for you."

"No, I didn't play hard to get. That would be assuming that I wanted him to get me, which is just not true. You see, I had absolutely no intention in getting involved with Edward. I saw him as this boy. A kid, who's only interest, was to get me into bed, and there was no way in hell that was going to happen."

I debated with myself, unsure if I could handle hearing anymore of this...but I stayed. I needed to know the truth.

"Did you tell him to fuck off? I sure as hell would have," Rose said.

"No, not in those words, but I was honest with him. I told him that I didn't date guys like him. Of course, he didnt listen to me…he's stubborn like that. But I figured after awhile of not getting anywhere with me that he would eventually grow tired of the game and move on."

I smiled, reliving those early days in my head and how I promised to be persistent.

Bella continued. "The more I refused him the harder he would try. He just kept pushing against my resistance until finally…I had no choice but to give in."

Well, imagine that. Emmett was wrong after all...I was a pushy asshole and still won.

Rose let out an audible gasp. "Holy shit, you're 'brown eyes'. I can't believe I didn't put it together until now."

_Oh, joy..._

"I'm who?" Bella asked.

"You're 'brown eyes'. You're Edward's dream girl."

"I'm still not following."

Rose had peeked around the corner and scanned the hallway for eavesdroppers, and I could've sworn she fucking saw me.

I stopped breathing preparing for the moment when I was revealed, but it never happened. Instead her head disappeared behind the wall once more.

She then lowered her voice to a hush tone, but not low enough to where I couldn't hear her. "It was something that Edward said one night when he was drunk. It was before we met you—or even heard of you. I mean, I just assumed he was rambling about nothing, but he was actually talking about you."

"Wait…when exactly was this?"

God, I prayed that Rose's timeline was off.

"Well, it was sometime after Em moved into Edward's apartment. I guess it was a week after Thanksgiving…I think."

Silence.

I'm pretty sure Bella was figuring out that we met four days after Thanksgiving, and she was finally realizing how long I've really been obsessed with her. It could either go two ways now. She would run far, far away or she would think it was sweet and fuck me hard as a reward…

I'm not a betting man, but I would put money on the former.

"Are you sure it was about me?" she asked.

_Hold on, what did she just say?_

Was she high? Of course it was about her.

"I'm a hundred percent positive it was about you, Bella. That was the turning point for him. After that night, he dumped all of his regular skanks and went celibate."

_Oh shit…please doesn't ask. Please don't ask._

"So, let me get this straight..."

_Fuck me._

"The night he supposedly was talking about his dream girl, he was with another woman?"

God, I wanted to be the one who explained that night to her—me! Not Rose.

"Yes, he was—but honestly, I don't think he slept with her. The girl left the house pretty pissed off and unsatisfied," Rose said, trying to salvage this fucking mess.

It was a nice gesture, but rather pointless.

"I see…Well, for someone who has a skewed opinion of Edward and hates him like you do, you're sure quick to defend him," Bella said suspiciously. "Why is that?"

"I don't hate Edward—I mean, I used to, but I don't anymore. I just...I just don't want you to be upset with him."

Well...that was  _surprising_. Rose was actually on my side for once. Imagine that.

"Why do you care if I'm mad at him?"

"Because I don't want you break up with him. Believe it or not,  _you've_  made him a better person."

My jawed dropped. Did she really just fucking say that about me?

"Well, I'm not going to break up with him, Rose. It takes too much time to break in another boyfriend."

Rose laughed. "You're a woman after my own heart."

"Besides, as much as I would like to, I can't take credit for the person Edward is now. He's the way he is because he wants to be."

"Yeah, I know, but you're the one who gave him something to live for. I'm just shocked that he hasn't gone and fucked it up, yet. That's classic Edward behavior."

"Well, he's been close a couple of times, but..."

"He sucks you in."

"Essentially."

There was a long stretch of silence and I wondered if they walked off. I went to move forward, checking to see if they were still there when Rose spoke up.

"Go head and ask what you want to ask me," she said to Bella.

"Do you honestly believe that I'm this 'Brown eyes'…this so-called woman of his dreams?"

"You honestly believe that you're not? Seriously?"

How was it obvious to everyone but her?

The denial she clung to was baffling. What would I have to do to prove how fucking crazily in love I was with her?

Time and devotion, I guess.

"It's a nice thought, but…" she trailed off.

"Well, in that case, what I believe really doesn't matter, does it?"

A small chuckle came from Bella, and I could just see her shaking her head. "I'm a little hard to convince at times."

_No fucking shit._

"Yeah, I'm like that too, but eventually I take my head out of my ass and realize what's right in front of me."

God, I wish I could see Bella's face right now. Did Rose's words register with her? Did she finally open her eyes and see what's right in front of her? This eavesdropping gig had their disadvantage, that's for sure.

"Look, I'm going to go get another drink and check up on Em, do you want refill?" Rose asked.

"No, I'm okay. Thank you," Bella said.

"Okay. I'll be right back," Rose said.

The opportunity to my girl alone was finally here and I wasted no time reaching around the corner and her grabbing a hold of her hand.

She seemed startled by my touch, looking up at me with wide, questioning eyes. "Edward?"

"I need to talk to you," I told her, pulling her into the hall and leading her towards the bathroom.

Privacy with her was my main goal and being forceful with her was the only way I was going to get it.

Once the door was closed and locked behind us, I placed my hands on the side of her face and kissed her roughly. There was so much I wanted to say to her and so much that I needed to prove. My lips were doing the talking for me, tasting every bit of her on my tongue, and as vague as this form of communication was, I still put my passion into it.

She placed her hands on the lower part of my back, gripping my shirt tightly, and vigorously pressed her body into mine. I walked her backwards until she was fully flushed against the sink.

God, it'd been too long and I fucking missed her.

Taking a needed breather before we both turned blue, I pulled away from her lips and nuzzled my nose into the curve of her neck. The scent of vanilla on her skin was fucking intoxicating and I breathed her in deeply.

"Damn, you smell good," I murmured.

She rubbed her hands up and down my back. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"No," I said, drawling away from her deliciousness and crashing my lips to hers once again.

My hands roamed over every inch of her, feeling the warmth of her body through her clothes. The annoying pieces of cloth were serving as a barrier between me and her soft skin. The things that I wanted to do with his woman was all I could think about, and we had to be naked to do it.

I didn't make the rules.

"Edward," she said against my mouth, placing her hands on my chest and gently pushing me away. "Not here."

If I had it my way, I would take her right here in this bathroom. The mirrors that overlooked the sink would serve as my guide as I bent her over and took her from behind. I would still be able to see every one of her facial expressions as she came to her highs and settled down into her lows.

Nothing would be missed by me.

"Why not, baby?" I asked, closing my fingers around the fabric of her jeans and yanking her hips towards me.

Bella caught the edge of the sink and quickly glanced behind her, catching my eye in the reflection. The smirk she gave me was filled with mischief, and she clearly understood where my mind had been for some time. She turned her body around in a complete one-eighty, making sure she brushed her breasts up against my chest, and faced towards the mirror. She then bent over, spreading her legs wide and pushed her ass into me.

"Is this what you want?" she asked, biting down on her bottom lip.

She fucking knew what that did to me.

"Yes." My voice probably sounded a lot whinier than I intended. "I want you so bad right now. Please."

My need was straining against my jeans, and I'm sure she felt every bit of it.

She tilted her head to the side, shaking it slightly as she sighed. "Edward, we're in a bathroom."

"So? The door is locked," I said, my hands already finding a spot on the front of her pants.

My fingers were twitching, eager as hell to unbuckle them.

Bella stared at me and I pressed myself into her, driving my point home. She raised an eyebrow, amused with my persistent efforts, but the likelihood of her agreeing to a bathroom nookie was slim to none.

She laughed. "Do you honestly believe that I would allow you to have sex with me next to a toilet seat? Really?"

I glanced over and saw that the toilet bowl was filled with someone's urine, and I quickly understood what she meant. It was disgusting and not a place to make love to my girl.

Keeping my hands firmly on her waist, I lifted my leg up and pressed down on the handle with my foot, causing it to flush.

"I'm sorry…" I said, resting my forehead on hers. "I really wasn't thinking about our surroundings. I'm just…I'm more interested in you and that mirror."

But even as I said those words, I was still rock hard and antsy. My thought process was spastic and I couldn't stay focused. All I wanted was her, and with that blinding my common sense, I was willing to press my luck until I finally got what I wanted.

The fleshy patch of skin on her shoulder was peeking and calling to me. I had to nibble. It was out of my fucking control.

"Don't do it," she warned.

Giving her a playful grin, I lowered my head to her neck slowly. I kept my eyes on her as she watched me. It was an old fashion Mexican standoff and we were testing each other. How far was the other one willing to go?

Well, I was willing to take it all the way, but I knew that I had less than a second to make it happen and I wasn't going to waste it. The repercussions for my disobedience was going to be swift and painful, but well worth it in the end.

Holding her tightly to me with both hands, minimizing her movement, I sunk my teeth into her skin. The taste of her that overwhelmed my mouth was exquisite and I welcomed the brutal consequences.

Hell, I was even ballsy enough to slide my hand down the front of her pants and slip one of my fingers up inside of her.

The heat was scorching and I nearly lost my mind.

Bella was still and her eyes were closed. I stared at her, even more mesmerized than before. The flawless shape of her lips was parted slightly and I wanted to kiss her. The way she leaned up against me, shifting her ass upward and positioning her body just perfectly, giving me just the right angle to curl my fingers. I was deeper inside her than I'd ever been…but the little bliss that she'd given me was short lived. My Mistress was quick to come back to her senses.

Her eyes snapped open and she looked at me, shaking her head disapprovingly. "We can't."

"Please," I said, inserting another finger.

"I'm not sorry, Edward," she said, grabbing a hold of my hand and removing it.

It was heartbreaking, and I may have pouted.

"If you want to have sex in a bathroom so badly, then you need to take me home—or preferably to place that doesn't smell like beer and piss."

"Yeah, I know," I said, leaning my head against on hers, burying my face in her hair. Then suddenly her words sunk in. "Okay, let's go home then."

Readjusting my bulge in my pants, I tried to make myself look presentable—just in case we ran into my friends on the way out—and I took a hold of Bella's hand, proceeding to drag her towards the door.

She stood her ground in the middle of the bathroom, yanking her hand from mine and glowering at me. "You know, things haven't changed between us, Edward. What was true last week is just as true this week."

It seems that my impatience had been misconstrued as dominance.

"I'm sorry," I said, lowering my gaze.

She walked over to me and lifted my chin up, her eyes boring into mine. "Did you know that I have this sort of sixth sense with you?"

I shook my head.

"Whenever you're close by, even if I can't see you, I can  _feel_  you. It's amazing how accurate it is. Like for instance, I knew you were spying on me and Rose. "

"So, does that mean that everything you told her was for my benefit?" I asked, but I didnt know whether that would be a relief to me.

"Everything I told her was the God honest truth. Does that bother you?"

"No," I said.

The reality of it all sank in, and I realized how grateful I was for it.

"Good. It wasn't meant to hurt you in any way. It's obvious that my feelings for you have changed since then."

Out of all the things that Rose told Bella tonight there was only one thing that stood out for me and I had to know how she felt.

"Does it bother you to know that I've loved you from the moment we met?" I asked.

"No," she said, and I let a sigh of relief. "But does it bother you to know that I don't believe that you did?"

"Yes, it does."

She cocked her head to the side, shocked by my candor. "Why would that bother you?"

"Because I don't know what's worse: You thinking that I'm this crazy guy who's madly in love with you or some guy you think is a liar. Honestly, I rather you think I was crazy…at least then you would be accepting the truth."

She gave a disheartened shrug. "I'm not trying to be difficult."

"I know you're not, Bella, and I keep hoping that one you'll figure it out. Just tell me what I can do to speed the process along."

"You don't have to do anything. It's my hang up, not yours."

"You know that's not true, right?" I asked, taking a hesitant step towards her.

She laughed softly, nodding her head, and taking a small step towards me. "Yes, I know, but it's the way it is, Edward. I can't change who I am."

"Not even for me?" I took another step.

She can give up her dungeon for me, but she can't tell me that loves me? How does that fucking work?

"You actually want me to change who I am?" She took two steps, closing the distance.

"No...I want to change how you communicate with me." My hands were reaching out for her now, begging her to come closer.

She smiled at me with ease, but didn't move—not even an inch—my way. "Lack of communication is a hard limit for you?"

"Yeah, I'm a chick like that," I said sarcastically.

"Okay, Edward, if that's what you want," she said as she walked completely past me. "I'll work on it."

I turned around and grabbed her by the arm, stopping her. "Is there anything you would like from me—you know, since we're negotiating and all?"

"I don't want anything from you," she said, cupping my cheek with her hand.

I scoffed. "Liar."

She shrugged, slowly backing away from and inching towards the door. "You'll never know."

"But I do know," I muttered quietly to myself, following her out of the bathroom.

The party had quiet down some, and when we rounded the corner into the living room, we realized why. The ball in Times Square was just seconds away from dropping. I took a hold of Bella's hand and led her to the center of the room. The crowd was hardly a crowd at this point. In fact, I counted heads and there was about eight or nine people left. There were a few kids I'd known in passing from school, but it was my near and dear friends that I sought out. They were the ones I cared about.

Jasper had his arms wrapped around Alice and the sheer size of him compared to her was quite shocking. They seemed like an odd couple, but the more I watched them, I saw how truly perfect they actually were for each other.

I was happy for the both them.

Emmett was the same as he always was with Rose, and I quickly took my eyes off them. I didn't want to accidently catch them making out. That shit—no matter how many times I'd fucking seen it—it always managed to gross me out. I guess it was because they had no shame and probably would screw in the middle of the room if they could.

My eyes surveyed the rest of house, looking for Angela, but she was nowhere to be found. It appeared that she had left, and I feared that she went off to go do something really fucking stupid.

But despite Angela's disappearing act, I looked around the room and my eyes fell on each and every person that I loved. Somehow I managed to mesh both of my worlds: my sub life with my regular life—except, these two parts of me weren't dividing me in half anymore. These two vital pieces of me had  _finally_ made me whole…

"Here we go," Emmett said, gripping my shoulder and redirecting my attention towards the television screen.

The large, disco looking ball was brightly lit up and it slowly started to drop…

"Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Happy new year!" The whole room sang.

The cheers were thunderous as everyone celebrated bringing in the year two-thousand and eleven. The couples around the room kissed as the song 'Auld Lang Syne' played in the background.

"Happy new year, Mistress," I said, placing my hands on the side of her face and bending down to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her body into mine, and putting as much love and passion into that one kiss as I did.

The world faded behind us and I allowed myself to be fully immersed in her.

We pulled away from each other and she stroked the side of my face, and pierced me with her warm brown eyes.

"I love you, Edward," she said, kissing me briefly. "Happy new year, pet."


	39. The Proposal

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

**~The Proposal~**

_I love you, Edward…_

That simple declaration was echoing in my head the entire ride home, and it had taken root in my brain, planting itself deep within my memory.

It had taken a lot for my Mistress to say those words to me. She wasn't the overly romantic type or one to gush and openly proclaim her love.

No, she had always been far more reserved with her feelings—hid them even.

That's partly the reason why it was so hard for me to keep my hands off her. Every single syllable that she uttered to me, in a room full of my friends, was heartfelt and honest.

Also, the almost bathroom tryst wasn't so easily forgotten by me. From the very moment I touched her, all I wanted to do was get her home—as fast as humanly possible—and ravish her.

The unabated need to have her splayed under me, moaning, and writhing was insatiable—and if my Mistress was allowing, I would work all night long to make that need come to fruition.

My gut was wrenching with anticipation now, begging and aching to be with her in some minuscule way.

It was nearly two in the morning when we pulled into the driveway. The house was lit up by the cars headlights, and the realization that we were finally home caused my throat to constrict. As I shifted the car into park, this unknown nervousness overwhelmed me, and every muscle in body tightened.

My fingers were like steel vices, wrapped rigidly around the steering wheel.

Keeping my gaze forward—not even trusting to play it cool—knowing full well that one look at her would be my fucking undoing.

"Finally," she said, placing her hand on the inner part of my thigh.

Everything she did always had a way of capturing my full attention. I snapped my eyes shut and tried my best to concentrate on something far less arousing than her voice, but even thoughts of architecture design and dimensions of the Willis Tower was no match for her.

The small confine of the car was making the air thick and hot, and I could feel the beads of sweat just rolling down my forehead.

"Yup," I replied, squeezing the shit out of the steering wheel.

"I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to stripping off these clothes and crawling into bed. It's been such a long day."

Yeah, as much as my mind wondered to my Mistress naked in bed, I was smart enough able to read in between the lines. It was code for:  _You're not getting any tonight, buddy._

All my hopes for tonight were dashed in that one sentence, and I tried not to convey my disappointment to her when I responded with a nod, but when I opened my mouth…Well, that was a different story.

"Yeah, I'm pretty worn out myself," I said not all convincingly.

I yawned loudly to drive my point home, but even that was contrived. Sleeping was the last thing on my hierarchy of needs.

"We should go inside now," she said, opening the car door and getting out.

I stayed frozen in my seat, keeping my eyes forward, and willing my semi to go down.

Even though my girl was well aware what she did to me on a daily basis, I still didn't want her to think that all I cared about was sex—which may have been true ninety-nine percent of the time.

Bella halted at the end of the stairs, leading up to her porch, and looked back over at me. She tilted her head to the side and stared curiously. The inner monologue in her head must've been filled with so many questions as to what the hell I was doing just seating in the car. There were rare times when she broke her stoned-face façade and allowed me to see into her.

But despite the narrative that was going on in her head, I noticed one thing that always remained true. She stopped and waited for me. She didn't continue to up to the house, knowing full well that I would find my way. No, she waited. My Mistress, no matter what was going on; she would never leave me behind.

Beyond her tough exterior, she was just as dependent on me as I was on her.

Adjusting myself in my jeans, I finally got out of the car and jogged up the drive to join her.

"What was that about?" she asked, nodding towards the car.

The truth wasn't all that romantic—In fact, it was downright embarrassing—and there was no way I was going to fess up to it.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing."

Well, that was...fucking atrocious.

"Nothing?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

She was unconvinced, and that almost made me laugh. She knew me all too well—and that made fibbing to her rather pointless.

"I'm just exhausted," I said.

"Well, we should really get you to bed then, huh? I mean, I had other plans in mind for us tonight, but if rest is what you want..." she said in a seductive voice, letting her sentence just to hang there.

_Oh, no, I made a mistake._

God, I'm such a fucking moron. All the cues she was giving me and I go fucking misread them. It wasn't the first time I'd been this dense when it came to her. It was basically my fucking calling card. I'm the classic idiot extraordinaire.

The inner turmoil within my head must've been written all over my face because Bella laughed.

"Come on, sleepy head," she said, hooking her finger on the loop of my jeans and dragged me up the stairs.

As we neared the front door, the sad truth was finally dawning on me: There was absolutely no chance in hell that I was going to get any kind of sex tonight.

Nah, I done fucked that shit up.

Bella unlocked the door and pushed it open. The lights were off in the house, and I searched with my hand blindly, looking for the elusive switch.

"Shit," I swore.

"It's right here, Edward," Bella said slightly irritated as she reached across me and flicked on the overhead lights.

Bella walked in ahead of me, placing her purse on the round table in the foyer. Without even thinking about it, I bowed my head down and stared at the floor. The silence that been deafening was only disrupted by the clacking of her heals against the tile floor. It was that sound, and that sound alone, that alerted me to her fast approach.

The door wasn't even fully closed behind me when she slammed me up against it, jamming the doorknob into my back. She grabbed both of my wrists and forcefully pinned them over my head, pressing her chest into mine.

The sudden aggressive and dominant gesture had caught me off guard, and I hadn't put up much of a fight—not that I ever would.

The truth of the matter was that, if I wanted to, it wouldn't take much for me to break free from her captivity. She was strong, that much was obvious, but I was a guy, and my strength would always surpass hers.

But as her submissive, giving her that control of me was second nature—and it was powerful. It was liberating.

My heart was racing as I stared down at her face. The little freckles on her nose were such a treat to see. They gave her this childlike innocence.

"You're a horrible liar, Edward," she said.

Her body was flushed with mine and I was completely boxed in. The heat that generated off her, accompanied with her luring fragrance was overwhelming my senses and any intelligent thought from me were faltering.

"I know," I replied.

"Did you honestly think that I would believe that all you wanted to do was sleep?"

"Maybe," I said.

" _Seriously_? How oblivious do you think I am? All you've been doing since we left Jasper's house is eye-fuck me."

Damn, I loved it when she swore. It was a rarity for her and that's what made it hot...

My girl had a filthy mouth.

I grunted in response.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." She smiled, fully captivating me with her eyes.

They were that deep and a hypnotizing brown—so fucking warm and delicious. They looked like melted chocolate.

"It just seems to me," she continued, releasing one of my wrists and moved her hand down the front of my pants. She wrapped her slender fingers around my length, sliding it upwards, and eliciting a husky moan from me, "that the last thing on your mind  _is_ sleep."

The feel of her hand as she gently stroked me had ignited this raging, uncontrollable fire within me. She had barely even begun to put some solid effort into her ministrations and I was already panting.

I was merely putty in her hands and she fucking knew it, and she used it to her full advantage.

"Yes, Mistress," I manage to croak out.

She raised her eyebrow. " _Yes_ what, pet?"

"I don't want to sleep."

All I wanted right now, in this fucking moment, was her.

"What do you want?"

She put more vigor into her movements and the tension in my balls started to grow…

I was unable to speak.

"Answer me," she hissed, removing her remaining hand from my wrist and twisted my nipple.

The pain brought me back from my euphoria and I replied to her question.

" _You_ , Mistress. I want to be with you."

"You are with me, pet. Tell me what you  _really_ want."

She tweaked my nipple again and I let out a loud yelp, along with the truth.

"I want to be inside you, Mistress."

She leaned in to whisper, covering my ear with her mouth. "Would you like to fuck me, pet?"

It was so blunt and direct, it shocked me. My jaw drop to the floor and eyes widened...

How was I supposed to respond to such profanity?

My dick knew what to say and he chose to respond with a twitch.

Bella smirked.

"I'll take that as a yes," she said as she stroked me, rubbing the tip of her thumb over my head before she let go and removed her hand. "So, since we're all in agreement, I have a plan for both of you."

She took few steps back and away from my grasp. The heat of her body was gone, leaving this cold chill. It was torture to have her tease me with fierce but gentle touches, only to have her to take it away.

"Stay," she demanded.

My eyes followed her as she went into dining room and pulled out one of the chairs from the table. It was almost the size of my Mistress, but she picked it up with such grace and brought it into the foyer.

She placed the wooden chair in the middle of the room, taking time to make sure it was in the spot she wanted.

Her eyes were on me, so filled with lust and arousal, and when she licked her lips, I knew I was a goner.

 _Fuck me_.

My Mistress controlled me with just one look, and if she asked, I would give her anything she wanted.

Hell, she didn't even have to fucking ask me. She could tell me to sell my parents and I would do it—I'd even throw in my little brothers for extra measure. Just to have the chance to shower her with adoration was enough for me.

"Sit," she said, pointing down at the seat.

Keeping my gaze on her, I walked over to the chair and sat down. She wrapped her arms around my neck and placed her lips just below the earlobe, nibbling and sucking.

My eyes rolled back in my head.

"Do you remember the last time I tied you to a chair, pet?" she whispered.

I gulped, nodding fervently. "Yes, Mistress."

How could I fucking forget? It was a cruel punishment—even worse than the horse—watching her masturbate in front of me as I watched helplessly.

Mr. Pinky did most of the work that day.

_Lucky bastard._

"You were so disobedient back then," she said, circling around and taking a seat on my accommodating lap.

My hands immediately flew up to grasp her hips, but she glowered at me and slapped them both away— _hard_.

"Did I say you could touch me?"

"No, Mistress," I replied, putting my hands behind my back and interlocking my fingers.

This was my safest bet. I couldn't be trusted otherwise.

She looked down and traced the wording on my shirt with her fingers. "Hmm, you're a bit overdressed, pet."

"Yes, Mistress," I replied automatically, and I'm not really sure why.

"Let's see if we can fix it."

The next thing I knew, she was pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it across the room. The chill in the air hit me hard, and I realized that she wasn't going to stop there.

My Mistress got up from my lap and proceeded to take off my shoes and pants. She smiled, looking me up and down down, as if she admiring a work of art...

 _Me_.

"That's much better," she said. "But something is missing..." Bella tapped her fingers to her lip, looking all introspective and sexy. She snapped her fingers. "I know what we need."

She pivoted on her heel and walked away from me, towards the kitchen. Instinctively, I wanted to turn my head and keep her in my sights, but my sub brain told me that was a bad idea.

 _Stay obedient_.

My eyes found a spot on the floor and stared at it. All my focus was set on the little imperfections in the grouting. The cracks that swirled in the cement paste were keeping me distracted, but it only worked for so long. More often than not, my thoughts always came back to Bella...wondering where she was and what she was doing.

I could hear her somewhere behind me going through drawers and cabinets. It was still unclear what she had gone to find, but when she returned a few moments later, it became crystal clear.

"I knew I left some silk scarves down here for emergencies. They may not be the furry handcuffs like you're used to, but they'll get the job done," she said, tying my hands behind my back. "How's that feel, pet?"

"Good, Mistress."

"Good."

She circled back around me and held up a black silk scarf, showing it to me, before tying my ankles to the legs of the chair.

My arousal was on full display and making itself known—not only in my face but down below, as well. It had sprung free the moment she had removed my boxers.

"Now," she said, throwing her legs over my lap and lowering herself down on me, "where was I?"

My Mistress was still fully clothed. The starchy fabric of her jeans were rough on my erection, but when she rolled her hips fluently, grinding herself into me, it caused this painfully sweet friction.

I let out a throaty groan, to which she responded by rocking her hips more. My eyes found residence on her rising chest, and I tried in vain to see through her shirt, but it was fucking pointless. The blouse was thin, but only  _looked_ see-through. In reality, it might as well been a steel door because I couldn't see shit.

Hell, I couldn't even tell if her nipples were hard-but did the unknown stop me from imagining that they were?

 _Nope_.

I was already conjuring up ways to lick them, bite them... _twist_ them.

However, that little fantasy of mine was a mistake on so many levels because without warning, I bucked my hips upwards and threw Bella forward.

She braced herself by grabbing onto my shoulders, but the movement had pushed her chest into my face. My mouth was filled with flesh and fabric—which was fucking glorious—but short-lived. It did provide me with enough time to know that her nipples were definitely hard.

I smiled to myself.

My mistress quickly righted herself and brushed hair from her face. She looked down at me, her eyes narrowed into thin slits.

"You just had to go and prove me wrong, didn't you?" she asked, anger and discontentment was heavily saturated in her voice.

Two minutes ago I was a well-behaved sub, but now?

_Shit._

"I'm sorry, Mistress." I truly was, but the damage had already been done.

She reached down between us and gripped me tightly—almost to the point of being painful. "You and your dick were  _so_ close to being inside me, pet. What am I to do with you?"

My overzealous behavior was my downfall, always had been. The disappointment in her eyes shamed me and I had to make it right. As much as I needed to feel her and be inside of her—immerse myself in her—I needed her approval more.

I wanted her to be proud of me.

The only way to make this up to my Mistress was serve her needs and wants first.

It sadden me how quickly I'd lost sight of what was truly important. Why I was there, and what being a submissive truly meant.

I bowed my head and spoke softly. "I'm sorry, Mistress. Please allow me to make it up to you. Let me please you."

She scoffed. "Is this your attempt to change my mind, pet, to make me feel sorry for you?"

I looked up at her and searched her eyes. There was a small part of her that allowed me to see into her, to read her, and this was one of those times.

So, I made every word count. She had to see.

"I just want to please you, Mistress."

"So, you don't care about climaxing, pet?"

"No, Mistress."

And I meant it.

"Well, let me see how truthful you are to your word," she said, smirking wickedly as she began to sway and roll her hips smoothly and gracefully.

I gritted my teeth.

It was fucking heaven and hell all wrapped into one hot-ass package, but I was determined to prove my sincerity. So, I kept my face neutral, showing her that I was in control of my body. My dick responded to her efforts, which I knew he would, but he was a mindless organ, simply ruled by sensations.

It took me a long time to fully grasp my Mistress' meaning of obedience. My body was ruled by me, I called the shots, but I was ruled by my Mistress.

It was that simple.

I watched her mouth, wanting so badly to kiss it. She gnawed at her bottom lip, looking so focused and intense on her movements. She was a Goddess to me at that moment, and if it wasn't for my strong resolve to show her my obedience, I probably would've begged and pleaded with her to set me free.

My hands closed into tight fists, pulling against their restraints, as the urge to touch her overwhelmed me.

Bella shifted her weight backwards and decided to up her game one more notch. She reached down between us and began to stroke me, twisting her wrist in such a delicious way.

It felt amazing, and it was becoming difficult for me to not succumb to it, but it wasn't about me.

My focus was solely on my Mistress.

She was persistent though and was working diligently to make me break.

"Mistress," I panted.

"Yes, pet," she huffed, barely even looking up at me as she pressed her breasts into my face.

God, she smelled good.

"I want..."

It was going to be hard to get this sentence out because she chose this time to lean down and kiss me. Her lips were my kryptonite. They were so soft, so plump, and tasted so sweet. As my mind wondered off and imagined how her lips would feel wrapped around me, I almost broke my promise to her. I could feel the tension build once again, but luckily, I was determined to see this through.

Finally after a moment of kissing and stroking me, my Mistress released me from her spell.

It was now or never…

"Please, I need..." My voice was haggard and desperate now. "I don't want to come."

She pulled away, her hand stilling mid-motion as she stared at me in disbelief. "What did you just say?"

I didn't need to repeat myself, she heard me loud and clear.

But it had the opposite effect that I wanted. Instead of proving my undying devotion, she saw it as rejection.

"Don't you want me, pet?"

"More than anything," I said, my hands pulling against the scarves, hating that I couldn't touch her...couldn't comfort her.

When she removed herself from my lap, I thought I'd fucked it up. That she was going to untie me and call it a night, leaving me saddened and frustrated. But she didn't untie me; instead she stood before me and slowly began stripping off her clothes.

My eyes honed in on her, hungrily going over her body, and burned the images of her narrow waist, prominent hips, and shapely breasts into memory. The creaminess of her skin was entrancing me and I licked my lips, salivating for the chance to taste her.

Every time my Mistress displayed herself to me always felt like the first time, and my will was crumbling…fast.

She stood over me, naked and beautiful, and gently touching her breasts—showing me exactly what I could not do.

She fucking had me.

"Do you want me, pet?" she asked with more seduction than before, placing her legs on each side of me.

My throat was fucking desiccated, and I nodded, unable to form simple words now.

"I want to hear you beg," she said, running her fingers in my hair and pulling at the roots.

The lower half of her body was within inches of my face, and it was sweet torture. She was practically straddling me...but still so far away.

"Please, Mistress," I grunted. "I need you. I want you."

She tilted my head back as she bent down and licked along my parted lips.

"You know the rules," she whispered against my mouth.

I gulped thickly. "Don't come unless you say."

"Very good," she said, crashing her lips to mine.

The kiss was intense and I had a hard time keeping up with her. All my thoughts were wrapped up in the feel of her tongue intermingling with mine. The feel of her fingers as they entangled and knotted themselves into my hair. The need she brought out of me and to the surface when her hardened nipples briefly brushed up against my skin.

Time and time again, the restraints to my hands were the worst torture of all. My senses were hyper acute, and I appreciated the sensations she was giving me by taking away other distractions—like my greedy fingers—but I was very much a tactile type of guy. The need to touch her, move my hands along her body, and slip my fingers up inside her was something I so desperately craved.

Finally, I couldn't take anymore—she won.

" _Please_ ," I cried, desperate in need of bodily contact.

I bucked my hips upwards, hitting the tip of my penis on the lower portion and curve of her ass cheek. It wasn't very sub-like, and I erased all of the hard work I'd done prior to prove to her that I was well-behaved, but I needed her.

If anything else, I wanted to see her face when she came undone before me.

My Mistress, never missing a beat, withdrew her feverish lips from mine, and took a hold of me. She positioned herself over me, and slowly began to lower her hips. My breath ceased as I watched the scene before me, anticipating the precise moment when I entered her.

She was poising herself, lining it up, when she stopped and looked up at me. The curl of her lips and the twinkle in her eyes told me that she was teasing me. Somewhere she felt she had lost control over the situation, and now, she was showing me that not only did she have that control back but she never lost it in the first place.

_Well played, Mistress._

"Do you want to fuck me, Edward?" she asked, gently sliding the head in between her lips.

My heart was pounding out of my chest and sweat was rolling down my forehead. The air was thick, and my throat constricted, causing my breaths to come out more labored and rapid. The fact that she was causing me to hyperventilate by just fucking existing wasn't missed by me—nor did she miss it.

"Yes! Please," I begged, my voice coming out raspy and frantic.

Slowly and agonizingly, she lowered herself down on me until I was fully sheathed, and she was tightly enclosed around me. Both our breaths hitched, enjoying the feel of the initial penetration. That part—no matter how much I prepared myself for it—was always a shock to me.

How was it possible for it to erase any sort of semblance of thought? The feelings of sheer euphoria of senses weren't like anything I felt before Bella. They were forceful, abrupt, chaotic, sensual, and addicting—hypnotic even.

"Stay with me," Bella said, placing her hand on the side of my face. "Stay focused."

I nodded as I let out a long whoosh of air.

"Do not go until I say," she warned.

"Okay," I said.

She placed her hands on my chest and began rocking her hips in a deliberate, rhythmic motion. Each time she would arch her back, I was buried more deeply inside of her, and hitting a spot that elicited moans from the both of us.

The tempo of her efforts picked up pace and she was running the show. All I could do was hold on for dear life and try to not to come before I was allowed. Her breasts were in my face and I flicked my tongue out, licking at the nipple when it came within in my reach. My Mistress was generous and seen my struggle, she propped herself up, and permitted me to take her hardened peak into my mouth.

The salty sweet taste of her was un-fucking-believable, and I was hooked. She locked her fingers around my neck, stabilizing herself as she worked us both into frenzy and I nibbled on her delicate flesh. However, I got carried away and bit a little too hard for my Mistress' liking.

She pulled back from me, panting out of sentence of distaste. "Bad boy."

I was unapologetic about my actions as I stared up at her, transfixed by her effortless beauty. The curves of her petite frame and the slight bouncing of her breasts were heavenly—and if I could touch her right, fucking hold her in some way, I would show her with my hands how much she was adored.

"I love you," I blurted out.

She huffed irritated, shaking her head at me as she shifted her weight once again, and she was up on her knees. The angle she was at poised my dick in such a way that slipping in and out of her would be effortless—and holy fuck, that shit felt amazing.

My eyes widened, looking up at her with a silent plead…I wasn't going to last too much longer.

"Baby," I grunted.

"Don't," she snapped at me.

The chair started to creak under the sudden duress as Bella rode me with such fury, bringing forth this intense pleasure that was waiting to combust. The sounds that invaded my ears were erotic torture of their own. The deep and sensual moans from my Mistress echoed throughout room, accompanied with the smacking and slippery sounds of our bodies coming together.

I was dangerously close to closing the deal—thank fucking God, she was closer than me.

She slipped her hands in my hair again and shoved my face into her chest. The heat of her body was smothering, but it only heightened my arousal. The moment she shouted out my name, telling me in quick spurts of breath that I could go, I felt her inner walls clench tightly around me. After that it was nothing but a cascade of jerky movements as I released up inside her.

The build-up in sex was like the main event and the brief—entirely too short—seconds of the orgasm was the grand finale.

She fell against me in a heap, breathing fast and drenched in sweat. I could feel the pounding of her heart, and return my heart pounded just as hard. It was almost as if they were competing, seeing who could out beat the other.

Bella sighed into my neck, causing a chill to go down my spine. Suddenly, it was fucking cold in here.

"I think I am ready for bed now," I said through my yawns.

She laughed, pulling herself up into a sitting position. "Awe, are you punking out on me? I was thinking we could go another round. But this time, I'll let you tie me to the chair."

I choked, throwing out words that didn't even make any fucking sense. "What? Are you…but that would mean…I…are you sure?"

The possibilities were endless and I couldn't believe what she was offering.

_Fuck sleep! I want that!_

"Maybe another night," she said, stretching her arms out and pushing her beautiful breasts in my face again.

"You're such a tease," I pouted.

She smirked smugly, knowing full fucking well how much she tortured me without even trying. "Guilty as charged."

As she removed her warmth from me, I missed the feel of her and wanted to reach out to bring her back to me. She took my shirt that had been discarded on the floor and put it on. It went down to her mid-thigh and she looked so fucking sexy in my clothes. What was with that? How can my clothes look so fucking hot on her?

She untied my hands first, and as she stood up to untie my feet, I took the opportunity to grab her by the wrists and pull her down to me. There was something that had to get off my chest. It may be moot now, since we were both fully satiated and all, but I still hoped that my words rang true. It was about the epiphany had about her needs coming first, and I wanted her to know—I needed her to know.

"Bella, I would give up years of..." I paused, searching for the right words to say, "…years of climaxing—I would abstain from all sexual gratification and devote my life to pleasing you, just to be deemed worthy in your eyes."

"Edward," she said, giving me a tender smile mixed with a no nonsense gleam in her eyes, "you already are."

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

During the night as Bella laid in my arms, she stirred and whimpered in her sleep. I kept her close, hoping to ward off any nightmares that she was having. My heart wrenched when she thrashed and called out my name.

She rolled over towards me, entangled her legs in mine, and nuzzling her face into my chest. I brushed the matted hair from her forehead and placed kisses on her lips, trying to comfort her. She never woke up from her tremulous dreams, but she eventually did relax into a quiet slumber. My arms stayed wrapped around her body, pulling her into me tightly, unwilling, for any reason, to ever let her go.

I leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on the crook of her neck, and slowly closed my eyes. Whispering that I loved her over and over again until, eventually, I fell into a deep sleep.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

The next day when I woke up, I reached out for Bella and was met with just a cold side of the bed. She was gone. In my sleepy haze, I recalled her kissing me goodbye and telling me that she was going to be at the dungeon all day.

It bothered me that she didn't wake me up to accompany her or at least help her pack, but I figured she needed to do it on her own.

So, I busied myself with working out and browsing the internet.

There were a few properties scattered around Chicago Metro area that were up for lease. The web was filled with high-end real estate, and I'd even made a few appointments to check out in person.

That was how my search started, but even that ended up running its course. So, I ventured out and did some ground work to expand my options. My meticulous research and heavy scouting had finally led me an amazing property. I even placed a bid on it.

The only problem with my well thought out plan was the money situation, and that was where my parents came in.

It was Thursday afternoon, and I baited my parents into going out to lunch with me. It was a last minute thing, and luckily my dad had the day off—otherwise, there was no telling when there was going to be a break in his schedule, and I couldn't afford to wait. The clock was ticking and the property wasn't promised to me. There was this big-time investor looking to snatch it up, and I only had to the end of the day to close the deal.

Basically, to sum it all up, I was ambushing my parents.

 _This is going to go over well_ , I snorted.

Glancing down at my hands, I noticed that my napkin was a tattered mess in my lap. There were little white pieces of shredded paper all over my jeans, and my throat was bone dry.

My parent's sat across the table eating their veggie deep dish and looking at me with puzzled expressions. They were curious as to why I asked them out today. They knew me well enough to know that it wasn't because I wanted to shoot shit with them.

I wasn't that kind of son. In fact, I was more of an absentee son—which made me feel lower than dirt.

There were so many wrongs in my life that I had to make right.

_Don't do this, douche. Not now. Stay on topic._

"Edward, honey," my mom called. "Is everything okay?"

We'd been at the pizzeria for a little under an hour and I was barely summoning the courage to ask them for the money. The weight of the situation had dawned on me at the last crucial second…

And I completely froze up.

"Yeah, everything is good," I said, clearing my parched throat.

My mom looked at me sympathetically as she reached over and rubbed my hand. It was a trick she used to help ease my nerves. Normally, under different circumstances, it had worked.

"Are you sure? You look upset...wait a minute, you and Bella didn't break up, did you?" my mom asked, suddenly panicked.

I shook my head, giving her a weak, but reassuring smile. She had the tendency—like me—to overreact.

My father watched me carefully, most likely seeing right through me. The all-knowing doctor had a long history of calling me out on my bullshit. He probably had a hunch about what I was going to ask, but he was going to be way off. There was no way in hell he'd be able to predict the bombshell I was about to drop.

It was a heavy payload...even by my standards.

Alright, enough of pussy-footing around, it was time to man up.

"Here's the thing, I've got something I want to ask you, and I need you guys to keep an open mind about it, okay?" I asked, my voice raising an octave and shaking a bit.

My mom's eyes widened as she threw her hands over her mouth and let out a slight squeal. "Oh, my God, Edward, you're going to propose, aren't you? Is that why you brought us here, to ask for Grandma Whitlock's wedding ring? Oh, honey, it's yours!"

My dad was trying to reel her in, but she was off, talking a million miles a minute. Things were rapidly getting out of hand.

As much as I was pleased to know that the ring was mine when I wanted it, I had to remind myself that wasn't my main priority right now.

_One thing at a time, Cullen._

It killed me to break my mom's heart like this...

"Mom," I interrupted her, "I'm not asking Bella to marry me. That's not why we're here."

Her face fell significantly and she dropped her hands. "You're not?"

I shook my head.

 _Well, not yet. Someday_. I silently amended.

"Oh...okay. Then what is it that you want to ask?"

My mom's enthusiasm had dwindled down into nothing. She was just going through the motions now.

"Well, the truth is that I…" I started to say, but nervousness overwhelmed me again and caused my sentence to drop off short.

My dad seemed a little annoyed with my theatrics as he leaned back in his chair and waved me on. "Whatever you need, son, we'll try to be understanding."

"Thing is—"

"Do you need more money for school?" My mom asked, already pulling out her wallet to write me a check.

She was the problem solver in our family, but the amount I was asking...it was going to take some coaxing.

"In a way, yes—no, that's a lie. It's not for school. It's more like an investment," I said.

"An investment in what,  _exactly_?" my dad asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"It's a..." I gulped loudly, glancing down at my hands and trying to get my thoughts in line. The next words out of my mouth were either going to make or break the deal.

My hesitance went on longer than expected, and my mother got antsy. Of course, she assumed the worst.

"It's not illegal, is it?" she asked.

I laughed loudly. "No, mom, it's not illegal. It's just...it's unconventional."

"Unconventional?" my mom repeated, trying the word out.

"Son, cut the shit, what type of money are we talking about?" my dad interjected, crossing his hands and taking on a business-like tone.

"It's not that much really. All I need is a down payment for the loan."

"A loan?" my mom gasped, her eyes widening into large saucers. "Have you been talking with a bank?"

"Yes, I have. I went in there the other day and spoke with Alec."

My dad shook his head in disbelief, staring at me like he had no idea who I was.

I hadn't even got to the worse part of it.

"You talked with Alec Klein?" my dad asked.

"Yes, sir."

"You talked with  _our_  banker?" he asked, to which I nodded. "What did you guys talk about?"

My mom still had her purse clutched in her hands, and I felt like such an asshole. I should've gotten them more relaxed with alcohol or something.

I took a deep breath and just came out with it.

"I was thinking about starting up a business, and Alec said he could get me a really good deal on a piece of property. All I needed was a co-signer and fifteen thousand dollars for first and last month's rent."

My dad choked on his water. "Excuse me? You want us to co-sign now?"

"You want us to give you fifteen thousand—are you crazy?" my mom asked, shocked.

_All indications would point to yes._

"Look you guys, you promised to keep an open mind. I've put a lot of thought into this, and I've done my research."

My father was patting up the water he had spat on the table, looking up at me, still highly skeptical of what I was proposing.

"Edward," my mom groaned. "It's a lot of money..."

"I know, mom, but it's a really good property. It's located just outside the city, twenty-five hundred square feet, and a perfect place to start a business. The thing is, I don't have much for credit—"

"Yeah, of course you don't have any credit, Edward. You're a twenty-one year old kid," my dad snapped.

"I know this seems nuts—"

They both laughed dryly.

"But if you guys are willing to get on board, I promise that you won't regret it. It's just...well; we kind of need to get this handled today. Preferably before five."

"Oh, that's just not..." my mom trailed off.

"You see," I continued, "they have another investor bidding on the property, but Alec said he'd be willing to hold it for me."

"Overlooking the fact that this idea of yours is  _insane_ , what sort of business are you hoping to start, son?" my dad asked, and God love him, he really was trying to understand. "Is it an architecture studio? Something you want to build up after you graduate?"

I could see where he was going with this. He was trying to rationalize my business venture, and hoping to stall me for another year or so.

_Fuck!_

Now, here comes the part I'd been dreading.

"No, this has nothing to do with architecture. In fact, it's not even for me..."

My parents glanced back and forth between each other, looking even more confused.

"If it's not for you...then whose it for?" my mom asked.

Looking them both straight in the eye, I replied without fear or hesitation. "It's for Bella."


	40. Technicalities

**Chapter Thirty-nine**

**~Technicalities~**

My parents stared at me with blank expressions, and that alone made me nervous. The confidence I'd exuded only moments ago was starting to wane. My uncertainty had reduced me to a little boy with sweaty palms, a racing heart, and a persistent pounding in my head. It pulsated behind my eyes and my vision was losing some of its clarity.

 _Calm down_ , I told myself.

It was amazing how much my emotions had fluctuated in the last hour. They bounced between being sickly nervous to being undeniably resolute in my decisions and back to being sickly nervous. It was a ride I couldn't seem to get off or slow down.

Wiping my hands down side of my jeans, I repeatedly wished that my confidence would make another appearance. The longer my parents stayed silent the more I was sure that I'd made a mistake by asking them.

_They are going to say no..._

The song was on the second verse of its mind numbing acoustics, and I couldn't take it anymore. The suffocating tension was becoming too much.

"Will you guys just say something," I blurted out. " _Please."_

"What do you want us to say, son?" my dad asked, his voice calm and steely.

"Anything," I said.

It didn't matter.

"I guess I'm just a little confused," my mom stated slowly, her eyes searching mine. "You're not going to propose to Bella, but you're going buy her...what, a building instead?"

"That's correct," I said with a firm nod.

Generally speaking, most women would take the diamond over anything else, and if I had it my way, I would be proposing, but Bella was steadfast against it. This was my version of a diamond ring and only way to prove how much I loved her. It was a grand gesture with a high probability of failure, but I didn't care.

"So, you invite us out to lunch—under false pretenses, mind you—ask us for money for a business you want to start, but then tell us that it's not even for you, it's for your girlfriend? You can see where we're having some difficulty with it, right?" my dad said.

"Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry, but it's not about  _just_ buying her a building, you guys. It's a place for her to run her business and make a living doing something that she loves. All I'm doing is just investing in it," I sighed heavily, running my hands through my hair. "Look, I would've never brought this to you if I thought there was another way."

"We know," my mom said with a sympathetic smile, reaching out to hold my hand.

She was easy to win over—like most mothers are—but my dad was a different story. He wasn't quick to jump aboard my SS crazy. He needed more than my enthusiasm to be persuaded. He wanted some cold, hard facts.

"Okay, son, you've got my attention. What exactly is this business of Bella's you want us to invest in?" he asked.

As I went to open my mouth and reply to his question, my mom saddled up to the edge of the table with excitement and asked. "Is it the art studio?"

"It's more like..." I started to say when my mom's words registered, completely catching me by surprise. "What?"

"The art studio?" my mom stated, tilting her head to the side, obviously seeing the confusion displayed across my face. "You know; a place for Bella's students to display their art work? Isn't that what you're talking about?"

Well, this was all news to me. Bella never mentioned—not once since I've known her—that she wanted to open up an art studio for her students. It was pretty fucking shitty that she was she divulging all this to my mom while keeping me in the dark.

Made me wonder what else she's been keeping from me.

"Edward?" my mom called, breaking me out of my reverie.

_Oh, yeah, right._

"No, it's not a studio. It's more like...well, here's the thing..."

Now, there was several ways to play this: on the one hand, it was tempting to go with the art studio gimmick rather than tell them that Bella was a Dominatrix. There was a taboo stigma attached to it, and the way my mother casted Victoria to the pits of hell for being one, it would be smarter to lie. But I was done being a fraud. It'd been so taxing in the past, but above all else, my parents deserved complete honesty.

So, I took a deep breath and jumped in head first into the frigid, turbulent waters.

"... Bella's a professional Dominatrix."

"I'm sorry?" my mom's voice hitched, drenched with disbelief.

"She's a Dominatrix, Esme," my dad answered, rubbing his hand down her back in comforting manner.

His eyes stayed trained on me, and I could see his mind working as all the pieces to the puzzle came together. He was seeing my admission to the hospital in a brand new light, playing on a whole another level of kink.

I'm sure he was shocked at first, but as he came to terms with it, I knew he was oddly proud of me. If my mother wasn't here, he probably would've fist pumped me from across the table and congratulated me with, ' _Atta boy.'_

"Well, there it is," my mom said, lifting her glass to her lips and gulping down all of its contents.

Sadly, she didn't share my dad's feelings of approval.

"So, you want to invest in her Dominatrix business?" he asked. "What  _exactly_ does that entail?"

This was where I made my sales pitch. Luckily, I came prepared.

"I brought some figures with me—just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about," I said, reaching down, opening the front part of my satchel and pulling out a big manila folder.

It was filled with all the numbers I needed to convince them that their money was going to be well invested. It took a lot of covert ninja shit to get my hands on such information, and it required going through Bella's personal items. The boxes she brought back home from the dungeon were stored away and stacked up against the wall in her home office. It was sneaky and a huge invasion of her privacy, but proved to be a very fruitful endeavor.

My girl was meticulous and she kept track of all her profits, along with a very extensive client list. It was color coordinated, alphabetized, and dated.

I placed the papers in front of my parents and spread them out.

"As you can see, Bella's business has been very successful for the past three years. The highlighted sections are the profit margins and I compared those to the business expenses. The profit exceeds the costs. And with client base is already built up, it won't take long for her to get back on her feet. All she needs is a place to run her business, and that is where you guys come in."

"This is impressive, son," my dad said, but his voice was strained, and it wasn't necessarily a compliment.

It was almost like he was disappointed that I'd been so prepared. That wasn't a good sign.

"Thanks," I said, forcing a smile on my face. "I thought it was best to show you guys where your money would be going."

"Well, it definitely gives us a lot to discuss," he said, stacking the papers into a neat and solitary pile.

I looked over my mom, seeking her out now. She was quiet and that made me nervous. I knew her well enough to know that she wasn't happy.

"Mom?"

She looked back at me, betrayal rooted deep in her green eyes. "How long have you known about her and this business of hers?"

"I've known for awhile," I said.

"And why didnt you tell us? Don't you think this would've been something that we needed to know about your girlfriend?" she asked.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I was going to tell you on Christmas, but after hearing your thoughts on Victoria and that being one of the reasons you fired her, I couldn't risk it. I didnt want you running off to the school and getting Bella fired."

"Oh, come on, Edward. I thought you would have a little more faith in me," she answered rather snappishly.

"I would hope you wouldn't do that, but after what you said in the kitchen about—"

"I told you exactly how I felt about that woman, Edward," she defended, but it only proved my point.

"Exactly, mom," I said as the memories of my mother's skewed and hateful opinions came flooding back. "That's why I couldn't tell you. You would've written her off—just like you're doing now."

"So...you just lied to me? That was your solution?"

I took a sideways glance over at my father, looking for some backup on this, but he was too focused on the papers before him. He was looking at this situation from an investment standpoint and wasn't concerned about the conversation that was happening between his wife and me.

Her eyes continued to bore a hole into my skull, anticipating my answer.

" _Technically_ , I didn't lie to you, mom. I just omitted that part about her."

"It's the same thing, Edward."

"Look, if I had told you the truth about her being a Dominatrix, would we still be on talking terms?" I asked.

"Of course we would still be talking. You're my kid," she said without really thinking about it as she waved me off.

Perhaps, I needed to be more direct.

"What I'm asking is whether or not you can accept her."

"What?" she asked; nearly stunned into to silence.

"If you can't accept her for who she is—all of her—then I don't see how to make it work between us," I said.

"You would break up with her because I didnt like her?" she asked, skeptical.

"No, mom, I wouldn't break up with Bella."

My Mistress was my whole world and I would always side with her—no matter what.

Her eyes widened as she caught on to my meaning. "You would stop talking to me, wouldn't you?"

"If you made me choose? Yeah, I would."

She sat back in her seat and let my words digest. She was clearly hurt and taken aback by my callous truth. It was a tough thing to tell her, but it needed to be said. She had to understand that there was no way in hell I would ever allow my mom to treat Bella like nana treats her. Nothing against by father, but he needed to stand up and protect his woman.

It was a simple as that.

It was the moment truth, and what she said would make all the difference. She thought long and hard about what I was saying, and as the minutes ticked by, I feared that she wouldn't accept her and that would destroy me. The last thing I wanted was to stop talking to my parents, but if it came down to it…

"So," I started after the silence went on for too long, "can you accept her?"

She looked up at me, smiling weakly, and giving me a slight nod. "Of course, I can, honey. I already have."

"Really?" I asked, searching her eyes for any fallacy. I found none.

"Of course, Edward," she said, patting my hand. "What kind of mother do you think I am? How can I disapprove of something that makes my son so happy?"

"Thanks, mom," I said, getting up from my chair and giving her a hug.

She clutched on to the back of my shirt and sniffled into my shoulder. It was funny how emotional she got, but my mom wore her heart on her sleeve. In a way, it's where I got some of my passion. I wasn't as easily brought to tears, though.

Unlike her, I kept that shit hidden.

"I love you, Edward," she said.

"I know," I said, rubbing her on the back.

It was starting to get a little uncomfortable and I pulled away, sitting back down in my chair. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy now, and my shirt sleeve was soaked.

I laughed, handing her a napkin. "Are you going to be alright, Ma?"

"Oh, sure," she said, wiping the dampness from her cheeks. "I just get a little misty at times."

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," I said teasingly.

"Ha ha," she deadpanned. "Very funny."

"Hey, I got a question for you, son," my dad said out of nowhere, making his presence known again.

He hadn't said anything in so long; I'd completely forgotten that he was here.

"What's that?" I asked, raising my eyebrow with curiosity.

"Where's does Bella fall in all of this?"

"I'm sorry?" His question confused me.

"Well, you have all your ducks in a row with your documentation, but you're missing one key element: The borrower. She's the one who needs the loan, so why isn't she here discussing all of this with us?" he questioned, his brows knitting together.

The mere mention of her name brought me back to the topic at hand, and the tightness in my chest was back again.

I took a quick swig of my water, gulping down the cold liquid loudly. The nervousness was coming off me in waves.

"Edward," my dad called, tired of my stalling.

All my plotting and scheming and it just occurred to me that I hadn't told them the truth about the money. I'd been skirting around it the whole time, slowly easing them in…But I couldn't avoid it any longer.

I set down my glass and just came out with it in one rushed sentence. "There's something that I need to tell you guys."

My mom winced, digging her nails into the red checkered table cloth as she braced herself. My dad, well, he was pretty much expecting this.

"Of course there is, son," he chuckled dryly. "Why wouldn't there be?"

_I guess I deserve that._

"Well, I lied about how much money I need to borrow from you guys. It's actually a tad bit more than the fifteen thousand," I said with a grimace, tucking my head into my shoulders.

"How much more?" my mom asked.

"Fifty thousand," I answered.

My dad groaned loudly, shaking his head. "You're just full of surprises today, aren't ya?"

"It's a lot of money, I know," I said.

"That doesn't even begin to cover it."

"Why do you need that much money, Edward?" my mom asked.

"The first month's rent is going to be fifteen thousand—that part wasn't a lie—but what I failed to tell you was that property needs to be filled with equipment and that's going to cost money."

My dad sighed. "Like fifty thousand?"

"Correct—I've done my homework. I've compiled a list of things I need, along with the prices," I said, pulling out another sheet of paper from my manila folder.

They looked over my figures, both of their brows furrowed in concentration. The number wasn't exact and I overestimated a lot of the equipment on there, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.

Shaking off my unease, I continued on. "Alec told me that I could add all of those costs to the loan, and since you guys have a ten year relationship with him and are willing to cosign, he said he could get us a five percent interest rate."

That was the part I liked best.

My mom looked up at me, frowning slightly. "Do you realize how big of a risk you're asking us to take with this?"

"I know it looks like a risk, but it's really not. You can see the numbers that she produces year after year. The business pays for itself. You can't deny the fact that she has done extremely well."

"Yes, everything you've showed us makes a lot of sense, and investing money into it seems like it would be profitable venture, but that's not what concerns me," my father said, rubbing the skin raw on his forehead.

"Is it because she's a Dominatrix? It's a legit business, Dad. She doesn't sleep with her clients, alright? It's not like that," I defended.

He laughed. "Oh, please, give me some credit, will you?"

"Then what is it?" I asked, confused more than ever.

"Well, the money you're asking is...it's absolutely mind-boggling, but more so than that is the fact that Bella isn't even here. If this is her business, where is she?" he asked.

"Well," I started to say when my mom cut me off.

"She's probably scared, Carlisle. It can't be easy for her to ask us for money. I mean, she doesn't know us very well."

"That's exactly my point, Esme. He obviously has no intention on marrying this girl, but we're expected to loan her fifty thousand dollars?"

"Hey, I'm going to marry her," I muttered.

He ignored me. "Not to mention the fact that she wants us to consign on this loan for her..." he paused, looking back over at me. "Wait a minute...Edward... _son_ , why would Bella need a cosigner for her loan?"

"Um, yeah, about that..." I said, feeling the contents of my stomach make its way back up. "You see, Bella, kind of, doesn't know that I'm here."

"What does that mean?" my mom asked.

"Well, she knows that I'm having lunch with you today and that's about it. She just doesn't know that I'm asking you guys for money."

My mom narrowed her eyes at me. "Isn't she going to wonder where you  _suddenly_ came up with fifty thousand dollars?"

"I'll bet that she doesn't even know about the loan, Esme," my dad deduced.

"Is that true?" she asked, shocked.

I shrugged, lowering my gaze. "I wanted to surprise her."

There was silence, and it lasted a few seconds longer than a heartbeat. It was only interrupted by my mom's laughter.

I looked up at her startled as she buried her head into my father's shoulder.

"Oh, Carlisle," she gasped in a breath, laughing hysterically. "Your son is such an idiot."

"Excuse me?"

_Did I fucking hear her right?_

"Well, he does take after your side of the family, Esme," my dad said, trying to hold back his own laughter, but he was failing miserably.

She pushed away from him playfully and glared. "Oh, no you don't. Don't you dare try to blame me for this. You're the one who decided it was best to hold him back in school."

"Well, I didn't think his intelligence would take such a hit," he retorted.

 _Hold the fuck up_.

They were flat out making fun of me, and it was really starting to piss me off.

"What the hell, you guys?" I said, folding my arms over by chest and kicking the leg of the table and making it wobble, catching both of their attention.

They looked back at me, and the expression on my face must've of been  _fucking_ hysterical because they laughed even harder.

"This shit isn't funny," I said, irritated.

"Edward, honey," my mom said, reaching out for me again, and I moved my chair away from her.

I wasn't in the mood to be comforted.

"We love you, son, we really do," she said, ignoring my attempt at distancing myself as she scooted her chair closer to me.

"But we're not going to loan you the money," my dad finished.

"What?" I nearly yelled. "Why not?"

"Honey, you're going behind Bella's back," my mom said. "It's not right."

"I'm  _not_ going behind her back," I argued.

"Oh, really? Then why doesn't she know about any of this?" she asked, holding up the papers I brought.

"I already told you. It's a surprise," I said feebly.

I was losing steam—and any sort of ground to stand on.

"Edward, cut the bullshit," my dad said. "We're not idiots. Tell us the truth."

"Okay, fine. You want the truth? Well here's the truth!" I said, throwing up my hands in defeat. "She would never allow me to do this for her if she knew, okay? So, I took it upon myself to do it anyway. I love her. And I'll do anything to see her happy. Is that a crime?"

My mom smiled, her eyes glistening with moisture and dangerously close to crying again. "Awe, honey, no, it isn't a crime. In fact, it's really sweet. But you can't go buy a piece of property for someone without telling them. Bella's a grown woman, and from you've told us about her, she just doesn't seem like the type to let others pay her way."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. " _Right_."

Little did they know about her history with a certain ex-Dom.

"The point your mom is trying to make is that we're not cosigning for you, and we're  _certainly_ not going to loan you  _fifty_ thousand dollars. You're insane if you think otherwise."

They were slamming the door shut right in my face, but I refused to give in.

"Look, I understand where you're coming from, but this is important to me.  _Please_ , I'm begging you. Just do me this one favor."

My mom looked over at my dad, pleading with him to give me the money, but he stayed firm, shaking his head.

"We can't do it, but I'll tell you what what you can do. If you need this money so badly, come down to the hospital and talk with the HR department. I'm sure they can get you a job answering the phones or cashiering in the lunch room," my dad offered.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You want me to get a job as a cashier? Are you serious?"

Maybe I was a fucking snob or some shit, but those jobs were below me. I was in school to be an architect. Anything other than that would just be a step down. I wasn't that fucking desperate for money.

"Yes, son, they're called ' _jobs_ '. You're old enough to be paying your own way now. We've paid your rent for the past two years while you've been attending college, but we're not your personal ATM. If you want fifty thousand dollars, you're going to have to get a job and work for it," he said, pushing himself from the table and waving the waiter over.

"That's not...it's just not possible, Dad. It'll take me forever to earn that much money and I really need it by today. Can't you just loan me the money and I'll pay you back later?"

"No," he said.

I was treading water, just trying to keep my head above the surface, but I was rapidly sinking...drowning in my failure to persuade.

"But, Dad, you don't understand. It's perfect place and it's ridiculously cheap. This type of property doesn't just happen. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. If you want, I can pay you back with interest—hell, I'll triple the interest!"

"How do you expect to pay me back, huh? You don't even have a job," he said.

_Good point._

"After college!" I snapped my fingers and smiled confidently. "I'll pay you back then. It won't take me long to find something. Mack Curtis in Phoenix is just dying to give me a job at his firm."

"I thought you changed your mind about moving to Phoenix," my dad said, drilling holes right through my plans.

"I did, but I gotta do what I gotta do to make money, right? Isn't that what you want?"

He sighed tiredly, shaking his head. "You're missing the whole point, Edward."

"I guess I am, Dad. What  _is_ your point?"

"My point is that I'm not going to make any deals with you. You have to grow up, son. You're twenty-one years old, a year away from graduating college, and being completely out on your own. But you still haven't fully grasped the concept of hard work. Do you think things were just given to your mother and me?"

"You guys came from money," I argued.

"Yeah, we did, but so did you. But unlike our parents, we have been giving you a free ride all of your life. It's time we show you the same kindness that they bestowed upon us."

I scoffed. "What are you going to do? Cut me off?"

He smiled. "Precisely."

My heart sank. "What?"

"We're not doing it anymore, Edward. We'll pay the remainder of your tuition, but as far as your rent and cost of living goes, consider yourself on your own."

"Carlisle," my mom started to say, only to be cut short by his intense gaze.

He was resolute and there was no way to convince him otherwise. I lost the battle for Bella and managed to demolish my financial stability in span of an hour's time. My panic was starting to seep in...Shit just got real.

"You can't do that to me, Dad," I choked out. "How will I survive? How will I pay for my gas or utilities?"

My thoughts immediately went to Emmett and how his ass would be thrown out on the streets. There was no way either one of us would be able to cover the rent. It just wasn't feasible.

"You're smart. You'll figure it out. Just think of how much this will help you in the future. You'll be able to manage your finances. I'm very excited about this," he said, rubbing his hands together.

"This can't be fucking happening," I said, slouching into my chair.

"We're sorry," my mom mouthed to me, and I knew she meant it.

I didn't respond. There wasn't anything I could say to change the outcome.

The waiter came over and dropped off the bill. It was quiet between us now. It was the longest two minutes of my worthless fucking life.

My dad stood up and placed a few dollars for the tip on the table. He came over to me and patted me on the back.

"Trust me, son, you'll be thanking us later for this," he said.

"Yeah, no offense, dad, but I highly doubt that," I replied sarcastically.

"We'll see," he said, chuckling softly. He turned to my mom and nodded towards the front, indicating that he was going to go pay the tab.

"I'll be there in a minute," she told him.

"You'll be fine," he reassured me one last time as he walked away.

_Yeah, whatever._

"Honey," my mom said, grabbing my hands that were folded in my lap. She sighed. "I know you're upset, but I hope you know that if we felt like you truly needed this money that we would give it to you—in a heartbeat."

"Mom, your husband just cut me off. I need this money more than ever," I said dejectedly.

"You don't worry about that. I'll talk to your father. In the meantime, I think its best that you do go out there and find a job. Show your father that you're at least trying. It'll impress him."

"Yeah, impressing my deadbeat father is the last thing I wanna do," I said.

She smiled, brushing my hair from my forehead. "Do it for me then, okay?"

I nodded once, agreeing to her terms. It wasn't like I could actually say no to her. She had the power of persuasion. It was like being hypnotized into doing her bidding.

Obviously, I didn't inherit such a trait.

"This is unbelievable," I groaned, completely floored by my bad luck. "He's such a..." I cut myself short. Even though he pissed me off, he was still my father and I would never disrespect him by calling him a foul name—well, not out loud, anyway. "God, he can be so stubborn, Mom."

"You two are more alike than you know."

"Yeah, I'm seeing that." I chuckled, but that good humor was short-lived when the severity of the situation dawned on me. "Mom, she's going to have to take that job in Seattle. She can't afford living here on her teachers' salary."

Wherever Bella goes, I was sure to follow.

"Did she tell you that?"

"No, not exactly, but she's mentioned it a few times. You know, despite what you and dad seem to think, I'm not an oblivious to shit. I know what happens when people run out of options."

My desperation was just as fragile. There was no telling what crazy shit my mind would concoct when my back was pressed against the wall.

"I think you should talk with her, sweetie, and if what you say is true, then I'll loan you the money myself."

My head snapped up. "Really? You would do that? What about Dad?"

"Like I said, let me handle your father. I'll do whatever I can to get you that money, but under one condition."

"Yeah, of course, I'll do anything, Ma. You just name it."

"Bella has to be the one who asks me for the money."

Oh, yeah, anything but that.

"Mom, she would never go for it."

She shrugged. "Those are my terms, Edward. You can either take it or leave it."

Well, I was desperate and out of fucking options. The terms were impossible to abide by, but I decided to take her up on her offer, anyways.

"Okay. You got yourself a deal," I said, holding my hand out and she shook it, solidifying our pact.

"Perfect. Now, I gotta go, but I love you very much," she said, getting up and pecking me quickly on the cheek.

"I love you, too, mom," I said, giving her a weak, halfhearted smile in return.

"Relax, honey, everything is going to be okay. I promise," she said.

"I know," I replied, but didn't actually believe her.

She gave me one small wave as she walked up front to rejoin my father. I watched them from afar, feeling so exhausted from everything that went down today. It wasn't until they walked out of the restaurant, completely out of view, did I finally allow myself to relax.

How in the world did I fuck up things so royally? Granted, I expected some resistance, but being completely cut off by my father?

That was just fucked up.

I had to trust that my mom would make things right before I had to fill up my gas tank—and that was already running on fucking empty.

Exiting the pizzeria, I turned the corner and walked right into the devil. He was smirking at me, looking smug as fuck, but it didn't reach his black eyes. They were as empty as he was.

"Edward, right?" he asked, holding out his hand to me.

The weather was far too warm for a long black trench coat, but there he stood, looking like a fucking homicidal flasher.

Ignoring his civil gesture, I glared at him. "What the fuck, dude? Are you stalking me now?"

He dropped his hand and chuckled. "Well, you certainty have some colorful language."

"What do you you want?" I hissed, annoyed with all his formalities.

"I believe we've gotten off on the wrong foot."

"Did we now?"

"You see, I'm not sure what Isabella has told you about me, but I'm not the boogie man. Despite what you may think, I really do care about her."

"You do?" I asked, laughing dryly. "Because from where I'm standing, taking away a person's place of business and sense of livelihood isn't caring about them, it's the exact  _opposite_ of caring about them."

"There are some things you'll never understand about a Dom and his submissive," he said in such an astute manner.

"She's not your fucking sub anymore."

The fact that I was still standing there entertaining this man was beyond shocking to me.

"Do you honestly think that if Isabella sent you away today that you'd automatically stop being her submissive...or that you would stop loving her?"

He was right, and that alone, annoyed me. I would never stop loving her. The very thought of her leaving me caused this pain and agony in my chest, but I would not give this asshole the satisfaction by agreeing with him. He was shit. Vile. Less than fucking dirt on my shoe.

"You would always be hers—even if she wasn't yours anymore," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I jerked away from him. "What about Angela? Where did she fall in all of this? Oh, yes, that's right. You discarded her."

Considering that this man was in my face, bugging the shit out of me, I would have to assume that Angela hadn't done anything stupid on New Years.

_Unfortunately._

"I care for Angela...deeply. But I couldn't give her what she wanted, and I refused to lead her on. Not all Dom's are a perfect match for their subs."

"Do you have any fucking idea the shit you caused between them? They're not talking because of you. Do you even care—you know what, fuck that. I don't care. We're done here."

I started to walk away, but he stepped right into my path, blocking me off. My fists tightened at my side and I fought off the urge to hit him.

"That was never my intention, Edward. I care for both of them, but Isabella's my mate. We can't help who we love," he said, pleading with me to understand.

I took a deep breath, trying to maintain composure, but it was hard. I was hot-headed and quick tempered. My Mistress taught me control, but she never prepared me for this.

"You do realize that I'm with her, right? You understand that she's my girlfriend?" I asked slowly, giving him a chance to back the fuck up and recant his story.

He sighed. "Yes, I'm aware, but I can't say that I'm happy about it."

"So what? Why are you here fucking harassing me? What do you want? My Sympathy? My Understanding? What?"

"I want your compliance."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Compliance...as in you want me to breakup with Bella?"

"You can't give her what I can, Edward. She needs to strive as a Dominatrix, and she needs a dungeon to do that."

"Yeah, I know that, but you took that away from her, remember?"

"But I'm offering her new dungeon—one that's free and clear of me. Isabella's name will be the only name on the title and she would have complete say. I would have no involvement."

"But you want me out of the picture, right? That's the stipulation."

"That's all."

The dude was out of his fucking mind if he thought that I would agree to such terms. He was lying through his teeth by promising her a dungeon that was free and clear of him. It was so ludicrous. It was almost laughable.

She would never be free of him.

"Well, I appreciate the offer, but you can kindly go fuck yourself. We're not interested, alright. If anyone is going to get my girl a dungeon, it's going to be me," I said, side-stepping him.

He, of course, wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie and proceeded to block me off again.

_Motherfucker._

He smiled smugly. "How exactly do you expect to get her a dungeon when I scoop up every property you bid on, huh?"

"So, you're the big time investor," I said, not all that surprised.

"Who else would bid on such a low-end property? Did you honestly think that Isabella would be happy with that... _scrap_? Compared to what she used to have? You have a lot to learn about your Domme."

He was floundering, and we both knew it. He could buy all the property in the world and it wouldn't matter in the slightest.

"It must just  _kill_ you to see a guy like me with her. Young and inexperienced, totally not worth her time, but here I am. I'll always have the one thing that'll you'll never have again. No money, no deals, and no scooping up real estate will ever make her love you," I paused, leaning in really close to him. "In fact, she fucking despises you."

He glared at me with such hatred, and I took gratification in knowing that I broke his cool façade.

"I would be careful, boy," he warned, making his tone low and menacing.

I just smiled, giving him a casual nod. "Sure thing, man, I'll try to remember that."

We stared at each other for a long time, challenging the other one to take the first blow, but neither of us did.

After awhile, I got bored. "Are we done here?"

He finally stepped out of my path and let me pass. It wasn't until I was around the corner, out of his fucking sight, did I seek out the first person with a cigarette.

It was an elderly woman with Virginia Slims that loaned me a smoke. The cigarette was skinny and fucking menthol, but I was in no position to complain. The stress had reached its peak and I needed something to calm my nerves. The sweet nicotine had been my blessed savior in the past, and today, it was working its magic through my bloodstream.

I wasn't proud of my fall of the wagon—especially since I'd been doing so well.

_Oh, well…_

It was hard to care when it felt so good.

The elderly lady smiled at me as she watched me take drag after drag, never wasting a second.

"What's wrong, handsome, having a bad day?" she asked.

I laughed, nodding my head. "Yeah, and I have a feeling it's about to get a whole lot worse."

Because the next thing on my agenda was telling my Mistress the truth about  _everything_ …and for some reason, I knew it was going land my nuts back up on that horse.


	41. The Reckoning

**Chapter Forty**

**~The Reckoning~**

The nicotine was still circulating its way through my blood, calming my nerves as I drove straight home. For twenty minutes, my mind was reeling over the conversation with Aro and the deal he'd proposed. It was obvious the dude was on drugs if he actually thought I'd ever agree to those terms. Bella was my fucking life. She was all I knew anymore. If she was to go away, I would be lost and simply unreachable…which brings me back to present and the shit storm that I'd inadvertently caused upon myself.

_How in the hell was I going to tell her?_

I'd been going over what I was going to say, but nothing seemed to be coming out right. No matter what excuse I came up with for lying to her, I was screwed. In the end, all I could do was prepare myself for the absolute worst outcome: my balls locked up in some medieval device as my Mistress hangs me from the ceiling.

It made the boys retract and curl up inside me just thinking about it, but I knew, more than anything, that my punishment was well-deserved. Despite my good intentions, I stillwent behind my Mistress' back and defied her.

Somewhere in the Dom/sub rulebook that was a big time ' _no, no'._

Twisting the handle and opening the unlocked door, I grimaced. My Mistress was expecting me, and that was not good. Things were only going to get worse from here and immediately braced myself.

As I walked in, I saw Bella sitting down at the kitchen bar with her back facing me. My eyes made a quick scan over her, hoping to determine her mood by the tension in her body...all in all, she seemed relatively relaxed.

But as soon as that door closed quietly behind me—barely making an audible click—Bella swung around in her chair and faced me dead on. Those deep, endless eyes immediately found mine, penetrating me to the core of my fucking soul and freezing me. The hardness to her face was familiar. It was the same coldness that I'd seen so many times in the beginning of our tumultuous relationship. It was back and in full force.

_I'm in deep shit._

"Hey," I croaked out, giving a small wave and taking a furtive step towards her.

"Hello, Edward."

The slightly detached tone of her voice caused my hand to spasm uncontrollably, sending the sharp end of my keys jamming into the skin on my palm. The pain was excruciating, but it kept me in check. This was not the time to be losing my cool. No, I needed to be focused and attuned to my Mistress' emotions.

She hid them so well.

"So...um…" I hesitated, inching closer to her, but being mindful to keep my distance, "what's new?"

"I don't know, Edward, you tell me," she replied with a shrug, still giving nothing away.

"Bella, look, we need to talk."

"We do?" she asked with a mocked surprise.

Gulping back my nervousness and summing up some fucking courage, I tried again…with little success.

"Yeah, you see, the truth is…" and that was where I stopped. My voice got caught up in my throat and the rest of my sentence came out as a gargle.

My mind was chaotic cluster fuck, going over multiple scenarios and searching for a way to explain myself. The truth, above all else, was looking like definitive victor. However, my internal calculations were taking too long and my Mistress eventually grew impatient.

"Because it just seems a little odd to me that you have this  _sudden_ urge to talk to me, Edward," she said, getting up from the barstool and walking over towards me.

"That's what I'm trying to say, Bella," I said, running my fingers anxiously through my hair. "It's not like I didn't want to tell you, I just thought..." my sentence trailed off when I noticed the sheets of paper clutched in her right hand. It was hard to make sense of any of it from my vantage point.

"What's that?" I asked.

"What? This?" she answered, holding it up.

"Yeah," I said, tilting my head to the side and quickly skimming it. "What is that?"

"You don't recognize it?" Bella asked, holding it up more clearly for me. "You should, it has your name written  _all_ over it."

It took me less than a second to comprehend what it was and my eyes widened with shock, completely floored by what she had in her possession. But then again, it really shouldn't have been all that surprising. This reeked of Aro.

"So, he took it upon himself and fucking told you."

"Oh, so you  _are_ familiar with this then?" she said, shoving the papers into my chest.

Oh, yes, I was very familiar. Not only was it the listing of the property that I placed the bid on, but it was all of the properties I'd ever showed any interest in. The prick had been watching me for  _awhile_ it seemed, and there was no telling how much he knew or what he has told Bella.

The asshole didn't even give me the fucking courtesy of telling her myself.

"Unbelievable," I said. "This guy, man, it's just—and the lengths that he was willing to go to break us up."

Bella watched me as I started to pace the room, now muttering mostly to myself.

"Stop pacing and talk to me."

"What's the point, huh? Nothing that I say now will make a bit of difference. The asshole made damn sure of that," I told her, gritting my teeth, trying to keep from going over to his house and killing him.

Bella reached out and grabbed a hold of my arm, stopping me in mid stride. She narrowed her eyes into thin and unforgiving slits, burning me straight to the core. "Do not make me repeat myself."

All the muscles in my body relented and went limp. I stared down at my hands, unable to make eye contact with her anymore. The exhaustion of my double-life had finally taken its toll. All that was left was this overpowering remorse.

"Look, I was going to tell you," I said.

"When, Edward? When exactly were you going to tell me, huh?"

"Today—right now, I swear."

"Really? Just today? How about telling me a week ago when you were going behind my back and conversing with Aro? What about then? Or why didn't you talk to me before you went and asked my ex-Dom for money? Huh? He's the devil, Edward. Why would you ever go to him for anything? Are you mental?"

_Say what?_

Furrowing my brows in confusion, I stared her, unable to fully grasp what she was telling me. It all sounded like Chinese. "Hold on a minute, time out. I never asked Aro for money."

"Oh, no?" she asked, turning on her heel and walking over towards the counter. She picked up a large envelope and handed it to me. "Well, he's saying otherwise."

Flipping it over in my hand, I opened it up and pulled out the letter. It was dated today.

"When did you get this?" I asked.

"Does it matter when I got it?"

I shook my head, knowing full well that the timing didn't matter; the effect was still going to be the same.

The detailed and finely scripted letter was from Aro—which he so eloquently addressed to  _'my deepest love'_. That alone got my blood boiling, but what made me fucking irate were the countless lies he continue to tell her throughout the letter. Paragraph upon paragraph, he told Bella about my property searching and multiple visits to the bank. He even mentioned Alec by name.

Granted, most of what he said was true, but the part that stood out the most was when he completely deviated from reality. He wrote that I came to him for the loan, to which he agreed to, but forgot to mention the part where he wanted me to leave her.

_Edward isn't sub-worthy material, Isabella. He puts his needs over yours. Be careful._

I looked back up at her and saw she was watching me closely, wondering how I was going to react. Needless to say, I was fucking livid.

"Please, tell me that you don't actually believe this shit."

"No, of course I don't, Edward. But I can't just ignore that there might be some truth to it. So, just be honest with me, okay? That's all I ask."

The tone of the conversation shifted, I was no longer on trial. She just needed to hear my part of the story. Thankfully, her opinion of me was a lot higher than Aro's—but not by much.

I crumbled up the letter in my hand and sighed heavily."Ever since you came to me and told me about that bastard taking away your dungeon, I've been looking for a way to get it back for you. At first I was going to try to buy Aro's dungeon—seeing as it meant so much to you—but that didn't pan out too well."

"Victoria," Bella said, shaking her head with disgust.

"Exactly. Besides, I figured you would want to start fresh somewhere else. So, I ventured out. I went online and started looking for properties, seeing what was out there. I found a place. A really good one, I thought," I said, gesturing towards the paper and directed her attention to the property that showed the most promise.

She took it from me, going over it carefully. At one point, it looked like she smiled. The corner of her mouth twitched, wanting to pull upwards, but she caught it in time and scowled at me instead.

"Tell me about Aro," she said.

"What about him?"

"How did he get involved?"

"He's  _not_  involved," I stated adamantly. "This was all  _my_ doing, Bella. Just me. He had absolutely nothing to do with it. He's lying, through his God damned teeth, about me going to him for money. Why would I be that stupid, huh? What he wants is for us to break up. You gotta believe me on this," I implored, brushing the back of my hand against her cheek.

There was this unmistakable far-off look in her eyes and she looked so beautiful. I hoped that she was seeing the truth, but the moment I leaned in to kiss her, something inside her snapped. She came back to life with a fury.

"God damn it, Edward! I don't give a shit about Aro! Why didn't  _you_ tell me?" she shouted, pushing me away. "Why did I have to have his sub  _knocking on my door_ bearing gifts, huh? Tell me!"

"I  _was_ going to, Bella," I said, grabbing her by the waist, desperately pulling her back to me. "I swear on my pathetic life, I was going to tell you  _everything_. I just...I wanted to surprise you."

"You wanted surprise me?" She glared, removing my hands from her waist and stepping away from me. She was practically across the room now. "Well, mission accomplished, Edward."

"I'm sorry," I said, lowering my gaze.

"What were you thinking?" she demanded, almost as a plea. "Why didn't you come to me with this? Don't you think it's something that I should've been a part of? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn't want another dungeon?"

My head snapped up. "What? You don't want a dungeon anymore?"

She groaned, throwing her hands up, clearly annoyed. "That's not the point, Edward! The point is that you lied to me. Day after day, you looked me in the eyes and _lied_."

"Baby, it wasn't like that," I said, rushing over to touch her, soothe her anger. The distance was becoming unbearable to me and I needed to wrap my arms around her. I needed to feel her.

"Don't!" she hissed, putting her hands up to block me. "I'm  _not_ your baby, and it was  _exactly_ like that. If you care anything about me or this relationship—at all—you'll start telling me the truth."

"Okay, okay," I said in a calming tone, slowing backing up and giving her some space. "What do you want to know?"

"Were you working with Aro?"

"No, of course not, Bella," I answered, shaking my head vigorously. "I hate that prick."

"Then how did he know, Edward?"

The look behind her eyes said it all: she didn't believe me. The trust between us was broken. Effectively tarnished by my reckless actions and that killed me.

_I caused this. Me. Not him._

What could I say to make this better? My creditability was already fucking shot. The only way to make her trust me again was by telling her the truth and nothing but the truth.

And surprisingly, it rushed out of me like projectile vomiting. It was spewing everywhere and I couldn't seem to stop it.

"I don't know, Bella," I said, pacing the foyer once again. "The guy is crazy. Did you know that he ambushed me today?"

"He did?"

"Yeah, he did. Right after I had lunch with my parents, I walk out of the restaurant and guess who I bump into? Aro! Yeah, apparently he'd been following me."

"What did he say to you?"

"He told me that he still loved you and wouldn't stop trying to get you back. He went off about some bullshit connection he thought he still had with you…just because you were his sub at one time."

Bella rolled her eyes, scoffing.

"It's crazy, I know, but he fucking believes it. He admitted to outbidding me, and said he would keep running interference by snatching up all the properties that I showed any interest in. According to him, that shit building that I was trying to buy wasn't up to par and below your standards. So obviously, I was fucked there."

For some reason, that statement of his still pissed me off. Who was he to tell me what was good enough for my Mistress? The last time I'd fucking checked I was the one who was with her, not him.

Well, that could all change.

"Is that it?" Bella asked, breaking me out of my internal rant and urging me to get on with it.

"No, he did offer me an incentive."

"Incentive? Like what? Money?"

"No, not money… _per se..._ He basically offered to buy  _you_ a dungeon. One that was bigger, nicer, and not located in the worse part of Chicago. He said the property would be in your name and he would have no say in it whatsoever. Free and clear of him," I said, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of it. "The only thing he wanted from me was to walk away."

"Walk away from what?"

" _You_.  _Us_. This relationship," I said tiredly. "He was trying to buy me off, Bella, but he was smart about it. He knew that if he offered me your happiness that I would be tempted to take it—and I was. But I knew that he was a liar and not a man of his word, and despite his promises, it was just another way to keep you under his thumb."

"What about the money?" she asked.

"What money? That's what I'm telling you, Bella, he didn't offer me any money. I told him to fuck off, and that was the last time I spoke to him."

"I understand that, Edward," she said, exasperated, "but you keep skirting around the main issue. That property, the one you acquired a loan for, is nearly four-hundred thousand dollars. How were you planning on paying for it? Were you going start selling Girl Scout cookies?"

I grimaced. "No, not exactly."

"Then how?"

This was part of the story I didn't want to fess up to. She was going to be pissed off, that was a fucking given, but what was I supposed to do? Lie? No, lying was what got me here in the first fucking place.

"I was going to borrow the money from my parents."

"You asked your parents for money? How much?"

"Fifty thousand." But even that was an underestimation of what I really needed. The true amount I wasn't even willing to admit to myself. It's called denial.

She groaned, covering her face with her hands and shaking her head. "Fifty thousand? Oh, Edward." She peeked back up at me through her fingers, afraid of what she might find. "What did they say? Did you tell them what it was for? Did you tell them about me?"

"Yeah, I told them everything. I had to. It was the only way to get them to loan me the money…but unfortunately, they wouldn't go for it. Not even when I showed them all of this," I said, reaching into my satchel and pulling out the manila folder.

As I handed her belongings back to her, I watched her facial expressions carefully, knowing that they would tell me everything. I just had to catch the reactions early; otherwise I'll miss them completely.

"What is this?" she asked, thumbing through it, but she didn't even wait for my answer. She looked back up at me, her eyes saturated with betrayal. "You went through my things?"

"I'm sorry," I said, dropping my head in shame.

"You're sorry?"

I nodded, keeping my gaze to the floor. The silence grew between us and I anticipated my Mistress to hand out my punishment...but it never came.

"I don't even know who you are anymore," she whispered.

Raising my head, I looked up at her and saw this distant, but clear resolution in her eyes. It wasn't a good sign—in fact, it alerted me that she was deciding to do something drastic and it scared the living shit out of me.

_Fix it, dumbass!_

"Bella, I admit it, I'm a fucking idiot," I said, bending at my knees and tilting my head to side, trying to get an obstructed view of her beautiful face. "I'm a moron, alright? We know this. We've established this long ago. I do stupid shit without thinking and I…but I'm still the same Edward who loves you more than anything and just wants to take care of you."

"Take care of me?" she asked furiously, slamming the folders roughly on the counter behind her. "Do I look like I need someone to take care of me?"

"No, but I just thought—"

"You thought what? You thought that I would be so overjoyed with having a dungeon again that I would just  _forget_ that you lied to me—or the fact that you went behind my back, and snooped through my  _things_?"

"No, of course not, Bella. Look, when all of that shit went down with Aro and I'd seen how sad you were about losing the dungeon, I felt like it my fault. Like, if wasn't for me, you would still have it. So, I decided to fix it. Was it stupid? Hell yeah it was, but I was only thinking about you. I wanted—no, I  _needed_ to make you happy again."

"But I  _was_ happy, Edward— _you're_ the one who made me happy. But now? I'm just so...I don't how I feel."

My thoughts swirled and I tried to see things from her perspective, but I kept getting caught up on the fact that my actions were done out of love for her. How could see it as anything but?

"You have every right to be mad at me, okay? I get that. I know that I should've been up front about things and I shouldn't have gone through your things."

"Yeah, that was a huge invasion of privacy, Edward."

"Agreed. It was a shitty thing to do, but you're looking at this the wrong way."

"Excuse me?"

"I did what I did because I love you. I would do anything for you. Why can't you see that?"

She looked at me in disbelief, a million thoughts going through her head all at once. I tried to read every minute expression—no matter how brief—as it crossed her face.

Unfortunately, she settled on one: absolute and unadulterated anger.

"Is that supposed to make everything okay? As long as you love me and your intentions were good, you can lie to me whenever you want? Is that what you're saying?"

"No," I said so depleted and worn. She was still twisting my words. "It's not like that."

"Just stop, Edward! It is like that and you know it..." she paused, taking a deep breath to compose herself. "Look, I just can't do this anymore. It's  _too_ hard."

"What's too hard?"

"Us—this relationship of ours where we try to balance being boyfriend and girlfriend with a Domme and sub relationship. You're not capable of being one of those things let alone both…and I can't keep this up, punishing you and teaching you how to behave. It's just…I thought I was strong enough, but I'm not. I can't do this anymore."

We just barely began and she was throwing in the towel? Call me fucking dense, but I was having trouble seeing how things were escalating so fast. How did she get from point A to Point fucking Z?

"Look, Bella, we just have to try harder at it, okay?"

"It's not about trying harder, Edward. I've done that. I guess when it comes down to it; it's not even about the dungeon or our relationship. It's who you've turned out to be."

"What do you mean," I asked, fucking confused by her cryptic statement.

"All the scheming you did behind my back, going through my things and  _lying_  to me on a daily basis...it's just…you reminded me of  _him_."

Those words hit me hard, and it was almost as if she punched me in the gut. The wind was completely knocked out of me, doubling me over. The hate and anger I felt for that man was brewing and practically busted out of me.

"I remind you of  _Aro_?"

She nodded.

"I'm nothing like him."

"You are more like him than you realize."

_No, no, NO!_

Aro was the most heartless and calculating creature, who sought out to destroy lives. He was everything that I was not. How could she even begin to compare me to someone like him?

"The fuck I am," I spat. "No, I am nothing like that asshole."

"Edward," Bella said in a soothing voice, which surprised me, "you were trying to buy my love, but unlike him, you didn't need to. You already had it."

"Had?" I questioned suspiciously, noting her usage of past tense.

"Have? Had? What does it matter? I thought we were in this together, but you decided to go off on your own," she said sadly.

"Bella, we are," I said, reaching out and grasping a hold of her hand.

She didnt pull away—which was a good sign…sort of. But like all good things, they eventually come to an end and I was gearing up for the fallout.

_Fuck me and my stupid plotting. I ruined everything!_

"I'm so sorry about everything. I can't begin to tell you how fucking sorry I am. My intentions weren't meant to hurt you. I swear."

Slowly she pulled her hand from mine, breaking the connection. She took a step back, putting some painful and torturous distance between us.

"I don't see how we can get past this, Edward."

"What are you trying to say?"

She sighed. "I don't think we should be together anymore."

"What? No, that's not true. We just need to get some air and cool off," I said, completely waving off her statement. "Everything will be fine."

"Please, do not make this harder than it needs to be, okay?"

"What am I doing?"

"You know exactly what you're doing. You're refusing to get what I'm telling you."

"Is this my punishment?" I blurted out.

If so, I think I would rather have the horse.

She narrowed her eyes at me and said so matter-of-factly. "This is not about punishing you."

"If it's not a punishment, then what is it? Why would you say that? You know how I feel about you."

She was so fucking far away from me and with every passing, agonizing second she was slipping out of my grasp.

I held out my hand to her, hoping with all hope... "Bella, please, just come here."

She shunned away from me, shaking her head. "Don't, Edward, alright? It's done. I can't trust you anymore. You lied to me. How can you guarantee me that it won't happen again?"

"Because it won't!" My voice strained, coming out raspy and desperate. "It was mistake to lie to you, I know that, and I promise you that it'll never happen again."

But she wasn't listening to me, and my promises were being ignored. Her mind was made up. She was done with me.

"I think you should leave now, Edward," she said coldly as she turned to walk away.

In that moment, my life without her flashed before my eyes. What I saw was nothing. There was no life, no future, no anything. If I was to lose her, I'd be an empty shell. Deranged and shut up in my own misery. If my life seemed meaningless and inconsequential before I'd met her, well, knowing what I had and didn't have any more was far worse.

I fucking panicked.

"You're a coward," I shouted after her.

She swung around, eyes blazing. "What?"

"If the roles were reversed and you were lying to me, I would forgive you, Bells—in a fucking minute. I wouldn't be giving up and turning my back on you. Do you know why?"

"Why? Is it because you're a stronger person than me? Much more forgiving?" she asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"No…it's because there is nothing that you could do to me that would ever make me not want to be with you. No matter what, I will always want you. That would never change."

She laughed dryly. "You think it's so easy, don't you?"

I shrugged, giving a slight nod. "When you love someone? Yeah, it is."

"Okay then," she said, keeping her eyes trained on me, never breaking away from our intense gaze. We were challenging each other, and I felt the scale tipping in my direction.

But I was wrong. I'm always wrong.

"I think it's best if we go our separate ways now," She said robotically, glancing away from me. "Let's end things before…"

"Before what? Before one of us falls for the other?" I scoffed. "Too fucking late for that, don't you think?"

"Yes, I know it's a little late for all of this, and I thought I felt the same way about you, but it was a fantasy. Something I've let myself get caught up in, but you've helped me realize that we both need to wake up. All we've done since we've known each other is lie. It's pretty obvious neither of us can be trusted."

I shook my head, reaching out and softly caressing her cheek with the back of my hand. "That's not true. You can trust me."

"But you can't trust me?" she asked, swatting my hand away and taking another step back, getting further and further away from me.

She was shutting herself off to me and time was of the essence. I had just mere seconds to bring her back.

"What are you talking about? Of course I can trust you. You're my girlfriend—my  _Domme._ It kind of negates the whole purpose. Jesus, Bella, I've put everything I have into this relationship. Why are you always giving up so quickly on us?"

"I'm not giving up, Edward," she hissed. "I'm just being honest for once. What we had—or what you thought we had—was a fraud. You think you're the the only one going behind the other ones back, Edward? Well, you're wrong."

My initial thought was chaotic and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Are you cheating on me?"

She laughed, shaking her head. "No, don't be ridiculous. I may be many things, but a cheater is not one of them."

"Then what? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter to me. I don't care. I meant what I said."

"I have been lying to you, Edward."

I've already decided to forgive her, so when I answered; my tone was a little blasé…so to speak. "Oh, yeah? About what?"

"It's about the job in Seattle," she said, and that threw me. It wasn't what I was expecting.

" _Okay_ …what about it?"

"I'm moving there in three weeks."

"You're moving?"

"Yes, I am."

"So, you've decided to take that teaching job? I don't get it."

"There is no 'teaching job', Edward. I lied to you. The truth is that I bought a dungeon up there with a fellow Domina of mine."

"What? I'm confused. What does that mean?"

"It means that I've bought a dungeon in Seattle, Edward, and I'm moving up there in a few weeks," she stated slowly, making me feel like more of an asshole.

"Yeah, I got that," I fired back, annoyed. "What I don't get is why you're just telling me this now."

She shrugged. "Look, I've wanted to tell you for awhile, but it never seemed like the right time."

"The right time? Really? Well, I am pretty sure any time is the right time to tell your sub-slash-boyfriend that you're leaving him," I argued.

She just stared at me with indifference.

"How long have you been planning this?" I asked.

"It's been going on for about year now. I've been planning the move since the dungeon opened its doors in November."

_November?_

She's fucking known since  _November_? None of this was making any sense, and everything was beginning to swirl around me, making my vision blurred and hazy. It was hard to keep things straight, and anger and frustration towards her was making it difficult to act rationally.

"What about Aro's dungeon? We're you just going to run both? How was that ever going to work?"

"It wouldn't work, Edward," she said, giving me a bemused smile. "In fact, Aro's dungeon is what has been keeping me here for so long. I'd been trying to figure out a way to get out of his contract for awhile now, but he had me locked in pretty tight. Then, like a savior, you came along and presented me with an opportunity."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Aro made it pretty clear that I wasn't to take on any 24/7's. It was a breach of contract—which I learned firsthand with James. I knew he would be furious when he found out about you and give me some bullshit ultimatum."

"You knew?"

Bella smiled, but it was cold. It didn't reach her eyes. "Of course I did. Hell, I was anticipating it. The only thing I didn't expect was Angela being his sub, but everything worked out in the end."

The heaviness in my heart migrated to my lungs, basically suffocating me with immense pain. I was literally gasping and choking out the next words as the realization hit me like a fucking three ton boulder.

"So, you lied about choosing me? All of that was all bullshit?"

"No, it wasn't bullshit," she said…either denying my claim or lying to me about it. "I did choose you. I mean, you're the reason it happened at all. If it wasn't for you, I would still be tied to Aro. You helped me get away from him. Not all of it was a lie, Edward."

"But it wasn't the truth, either, was it? So, that's it then? You've been playing me the whole time? Loving me was just a ploy to get Aro to drop you from the contract?"

"It wasn't like that," she said, throwing my previous words back at me.

There was just one thing that I needed to know.

"Do you even love me?"

The distinctive pounding in my chest, telling me that I was alive, was gone. My heart had completely stopped. Somewhere in amidst of waiting for Bella's reply, there was a cease and desist order. My heart didn't want to be around when she broke us in two.

After a long and painful minute, Bella looked up at me with absolutely no emotion in her face. Her normally chocolate brown eyes were black and hollow now, leaving me already in despair as she answered with a simple and devastating, "No."


	42. What Comes Around

**Chapter Forty-One**

**~What Comes Around~**

_No…_

She actually said  _no_.

The impact of just one word—one fucking syllable—hit me with such a force, completely knocking my entire world off its axis. The initial shock of the assault kept me somewhat lucid, a lot longer than expected, but like a latent effect of a substantial concussion, the pain was seeping its way in and causing irreparable damage.

"Well, that…sucks," I managed to croak out, suddenly feeling very lightheaded.

Bella's mouth was moving and I'm sure she was saying something in response to my statement, but it was unintelligible to me. Her voice was muted and in its place was this high-pitched ringing. The combination of events made me feel disjointed and panicky.

_I'm going to be sick._

Breathing heavily through my nostrils, trying in vain to combat my nausea, I tore my eyes away from Bella's hypnotizing lips. Slowly, almost cautiously, I started to back away from her. The heat that radiated off her body was maddening. It rattled my senses and had this unexplainable power of luring me into her, breaking me into a million fragments of hopelessness. It made my unsettled stomach lurch.

I needed to sit down before my lunch made an unwanted appearance.

Stumbling backwards, tripping over my feet and not really paying attention to where I was going, I finally met some resistance in my path and collapsed into it. The unknown object groaned loudly as it gave into my weight and the faulty springs beneath me creaked. The smell of leather was everywhere, and I realized that it was Bella's loveseat which happened to catch my fall.

It didn't take me long after that to give in to my despair. Dropping my head in my hands, I allowed the reality of her words to wash over me and fully sink in.

_She really said no._

The corner of my eyes started to prickle, and I could feel something salty and traitorous making its way to the surface. I clenched my jaw and bit down on my tongue, hoping to distract myself with physical pain to keep the emotional pain at bay.

 _Don't do it, Cullen,_ I told myself over and over, sensing Bella's unwavering stare.

But it was a pointless mantra because one tear managed to slip by me, rolling down my cheek and displaying my grief. As discretely as possible, I reached up and quickly wiped it away. Inwardly, I was cursing myself for being so fucking transparent.

_Well, you're a dumbass! You mean nothing to her, Cullen. The fact of the matter is that you never meant anything to her. You were just a pawn in her heartless game. So you need to stop fucking crying over her and get on with it, you pussy._

Pressing my fists against my forehead in frustration, I wanted to beat the shit out of that nagging voice in my head. He was killing me with his insistent taunting, always pointing out the fucking obvious. It wasn't like I didn't know the truth. That I didn't know that she…that she…didn't love me.

_Oh, fuck._

It was that whisper of a reminder that did me in, and before I had a chance to stop it, I lost all control and started to fucking sob.

God damn it! What the fuck was wrong with me? The last thing I wanted to do was show her how weak I was. Sure, she'd crushed me with her honesty, that was true, but the whimpering on her couch like a wounded pup was a little extreme—even for me.

_Why are you_ _**still** _ _fucking here, Cullen?_

Well, if I was smart, I would've walked out the door the moment she told me about the dungeon in Seattle. I could've saved some face and found a bar or something with a roof to wallow away in my self-pity. But I stayed and asked questions, seeking answers from the woman I was madly in love with—who didn't love me—like a fucking masochist.

My breakdown was imminent, but was it necessary for her to bear witness to it? Did she really deserve to see the fallout of her words?

_Jesus Christ, you're pathetic, Cullen! Why are you still protecting her? She broke your fucking heart and completely annihilated you, remember?_

Fuck me, he was right! Damn it! I should be furious with her—fucking irate, even. She played me and used my love for her as a weapon against Aro. Every word she ever uttered to me was a God damned lie, and like a love sick fool, I believed her.

_Man, I wanted so badly to believe her…_

Deep down—I'm talking way deep fucking down in the pits of my being—I hated her. I wanted to just leave this wretched house and show her that she couldn't keep fucking doing this to me, leading me on and shit. One minute she loves me and the next minute she doesn't...the head games were getting old and they had to stop.

Every part of me wanted to tell her that. I wanted to be done with her. Unfortunately, I knew that I would never act out on it…because, truly, I would never be able to hate her.

I couldn't.

My love and devotion for her wasn't something that I could turn off, like a flick of a light switch. It wasn't like that. Bella was my Mistress and I was her submissive—a rejected and unloved submissive, but hers all the same.

The only thing she managed to do by telling me she didn't love me—other than tear out my fucking heart and stomp on it—was make me even more resolved on my love for her.

Sure, it was painful as fuck to realize that she didn't love me. I wasn't immune to the hurt nor was I dead. Death was the only thing that would ever cause me to stop loving her. As long as there was blood in my veins and air in my lungs, I would follow her to the ends of the earth. The fact that she didn't love me had no bearings on my feelings for her, whatsoever.

Well, what do you know, Aro was right.

"That's just fucking great." I sniffed, pinching the bridge of my nose and willing my heart to stop beating.

"Edward?"

Bella's hand suddenly appeared on my knee, and out of my peripheral vision, I could see her silhouette sitting beside me. I longed to touch her, but that privilege was over. She wasn't mine to touch anymore.

Embarrassed and ashamed, I jerked my leg away and stood up. Shoving my hands deep inside my pockets and keeping my eyes off her, I decided to get out of this room—out of this house—before I could disgrace myself any further.

"I gotta go," I said, searching for my nearest escape route and bolting for it.

I didn't know where I was going to go or what I was going to do when I got there, but I knew that my time here was done. I'd overstayed my welcome.

"Edward, wait," Bella called after me.

"I'll pick up my stuff later," I said over my shoulder, still refusing to look at her.

As I opened the door to my freedom, instantly blinded by the sun, I could feel her eyes on my back. It sent a chill through me, despite the heat that flooded in from the outside. It sat high up on its perch mocking me with its bright and sunny deposition. It was a far cry from the coldness that lay behind me.

"Edward, will you just look at me?" She was much closer to me now.

_Don't be an idiot, Cullen! Just keep going._

That voice in my head was making a lot of sense, and as much as I wanted to heed his warning and get the fuck out of there, I knew that Bella still owned every part of me. I would always succumb to her demands.

That undying loyalty and obedience was what made me turn around and face her—despite my better judgment.

"Sure," I said, finally locking my eyes on her. "What do you want?"

She stood less than four feet away from me, her shoulders were squared and her face severe. But despite all the hardness in her features, she was still so fucking beautiful, and that made me want to kneel in front of her feet…like a chump.

"Listen," she said, taking another step towards me.

I studied her, noting the way she moved and expressed her thoughts with her hands, and I quickly noticed that something wasn't quite right. The emotion she was trying so hard to convey was a bit off. Of course, she was sending all the proper cues: the furrowed brows, the narrowed eyes, and the pursed lips, but it seemed...forced. Almost as if she was holding back her true feelings from me—which from my astute observations; I was able to pinpoint the exact emotion behind her eyes.

It was straight-up pity.

_Well, isn't that just…wonderful._

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Look, Bella, I already know what you're going to say."

"No, you don't," she said.

_Yeeah, I think I do._

The lecture she was about to give me, I've heard before. It was about moving on, but still remaining friends. It was the same schpeel I got from Kate nearly seven years ago. When you get your heart broken by a woman, everything she says sort of becomes ingrained in your head…and well, I couldn't bear to listen to empty promises again. It hurt too much the first time.

"I understand, and it's okay, alright? We've had a good run, you and me, and it's been fun, but you don't want to be with me anymore. I get it, and as much as that shit fucking..." I stopped myself, shaking my head to clear out those feelings. How I felt about things didn't fucking matter to her. So, I soldiered on. "I don't expect you to say or do anything for me. I'm a big boy, okay? It's a breakup, Bella. No big deal. I'll get over it."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me, crossing her arms over her chest. "No big deal? You'll get over it?"

Of course, I was all talk. I mean, there was no getting over her this woman—God knows I've fucking tried on more than one occasion. But it was important that she believed it.

"Pretty much," I replied, shrugging my shoulders with indifference.

She shook her head, eyes filled with disappointment. "So, that's it then? You're just going give up and move on? Where's your fight, Edward?"

"My fight?"

Was she serious?

All I've ever done was fight for her, and probably would continue to long after she's casted me away. I'd never expected my acting skills to be believable, but even so, she was throwing it back in my face and calling me a quitter?

I was stunned.

"Yeah, where's your fight? You told me that you would never give up on us."

"I'm not giving up," I argued feebly.  _I'm just giving in._ "Besides, what does it matter whether or not I've giving up on us, Bella? You're the one who's moving to Seattle, remember? You're the one who decided to end our relationship. All I was just trying to do is make it easier on everyone by bowing out gracefully."

I failed to mention the part where she said she didn't love me, but why dwell on that?

"Yes, I know what I said, but I didn't..." she sighed. "Look, you said that no matter what, you would always want to be with me. Was that the truth or just another lie?"

"No, of course it was the truth. I still want to be with you more than anything, but you..." I fumbled over my words, my head spinning from all of her accusations and that was when it hit me.

She was crazy; absolutely, without a doubt, certifiable.

That was the only explanation I could come up with for why I was standing there trying to explain myself to  _her._

I mean,  _she_ was the one who broke  _my_ fucking heart!  _She_ was the one who twisted my good intentions and perceived as anything but. She accused me of working with Aro, for fuck's sake. I hated that guy, and yet she actually believed his word over mine.

Then I come to find out that she was the one who used me to get away from him. She lied to me from day fucking one. And there I was, defending my right to give up on us—to be fucking hurt?

What the hell?

The continuous hypocrisy of hers was getting fucking old. Domme or not, I wasn't going to sit there and let her turn this shit around on me.

"Wait a minute, why am I the one on trial here, huh? You're the one who used my love for you to get away from your sadistic Dom. And then to top it all off, you tell me that you're planning on leaving me—that you're moving to fucking Seattle?"

Again, the fact that she lied about loving me was left out on purpose. Saying it out loud would only confirm what I already knew, making it more real for me, and I didn't want to succumb to reality…not yet.

"So, yeah, okay, you're right, I fucking gave up. You ripped out my heart and I cracked. Congratulations, Mistress," I said mockingly, bowing down to her, "you  _won_."

"You think that's what all of this was about?" she asked, appalled. "Winning?"

The pained expression on her face was breaking my tough exterior. Deep down, I knew it was a ploy to gain some of my sympathy, but fuck me if it didn't look real.

I shrugged, still playing it cool. "Why else would you continue to fuck with my head? Was it for fun? Are you a sadist?"

Bella's eyes widened slightly and she fell silent. It was a dick thing to say to her, and it hit her pretty hard. The hurt was so immense that I had to turn away from her, not trusting myself to stay strong.

The voice urged me to leave, but I couldn't make my feet move. I was an idiot for staying, but I was a selfish and self-indulgent creature. My wants always overruled me.

And fuck me all to hell, I still wanted her.

"Look," I said, keeping my back to her. "I didn't mean that. I'm just...you lied to me and it—"

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

The tone of her voice, filled with so much anguish, caused my chest to tighten and ache. I stared down at my hands, feeling like the biggest cad ever. If anything, Bella was the one person I would never want to see in pain—regardless if she hurt me a million times over—I loved her too much and I would do anything to protect her from that.

Knowing full well that I was going to regret it later, I took a deep breath and turned around. Bella was standing less than five feet away with her eyes squarely on me. In a span of forty-seconds, she had broken down all of my walls that I'd built up, and once again, I was weak for her.

She brushed the hair from her face and exhaled. "It hurts when you find out that the person you love more than anything has been lying to you. It just..." She placed her hand over her heart, keeping her eyes on me, "it has this way of breaking you into two. It makes you question  _everything_ , and you start to wonder what's true and what's not."

I scoffed. "Yeah."

"You see, Edward, before today, I'd never lied to you. Not even once," she said, taking another step, slowly closing the distance.

"Wait, what? But you said…" I stuttered, my brain still slow to catch up to her meaning.

"I know what I said, Edward...but what I'm trying to tell you is that all of it was a lie."

"Which part was the lie, Bella, because right now, I'm so confused? I don't know what to believe…"

"You see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Lies muddle everything, and you should be confused. That's the point I'm trying to make, Edward."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and groaned. "Can you just stop speaking in code and tell me what the hell you're talking about?"

She let out a long exhale in resigned defeat. "Look, I lied to you about the dungeon in Seattle, and about using you to get away from Aro…just everything. All of it was a complete and utter lie."

"What?" I narrowed my eyes on disbelief. "Why would you do that? What's the point of…" I trailed off, unable to look at her now.

I couldn't fathom how she could purposely hurt me like that.

"You needed to be taught a lesson," she said without a hint of remorse, and that just angered me.

"So, you chose to tear out my fucking heart?" I blurted out. "What kind of lesson is that?"

In the past she wouldn't have tolerate such an outburst from me, and I expected her to come back at me just as fiery, but to my surprise…she didn't.

She gave a half-hearted shrug of her shoulders and replied in a calm voice. There was no hostility in her eyes. "How else was I going to make you see? Sure, I could've punished you by putting you back up on the horse, or perhaps denied you sex for a couple of weeks, but what would you have learned from that?"

"Well..." I faltered, not really sure how to answer her.

_What would I've learn from the horse or no sex?_

"Nothing," she said, answering my unspoken question. "You would've learned  _absolutely_ nothing. If anything, all it would've done is make you a better liar. You would have never fully understood why I felt so betrayed by you."

The words where slowly sinking in, and hope was starting to fill in the void. It was still too soon to trust it, though.

"So, you lied to me?" I asked her again, making sure we were on the same page.

She nodded. "I needed you to  _feel_ the pain and uncertainty that you've caused me, even if it meant just giving you a small taste. I needed you to experience firsthand how hurtful lying can actually be. It was a cruel thing to do to you, I know that, but I was at a loss, Edward. I had two choices. I could either make up some stuff, making you think I've been lying to you, or just break up with you." A nervous chuckle escaped her lips as she gestured between us. "Obviously, I chose the latter. I'm just not willing to let you go…not yet."

I gawked at her for a long moment, my mind running wild. Less than twenty minutes ago, I believed that everything that she told me up until then was a lie, and now, she expects me to negate all of that…I was still so fucking confused, and no matter how hard I tried making sense of it, none of it was clicking with me.

"Say something," Bella said.

"I don't know what to say," I replied honestly.

"You always have something to say."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Okay then, just so I know that I understand things properly. The dungeon in Seattle was a…"

"A lie."

"And the part about using me to get away from Aro…"

"That was another lie—a horrible lie. I didn't think you would actually believe it, but...you did."

"It made sense to me," I muttered, thinking about all the times I felt as though I didn't deserve her.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like your love meant so little to me," she said, glancing away from me, breaking the connection and the hold she had over me.

There was something in her voice that got my attention. It wasn't an empty apology. It was genuine and she wasn't saying sorry for leading me on, it was something else entirely.

"Bella?"

She looked up at me curiously, clearly seeing the indecision on my face. There was just one question that I needed to know the answer to, and I was trying to summon the courage to ask her again.

"Yes, Edward?"

My heart was pounding out of my chest, sweat dripping from my brow and running precariously down my neck.

Finally after a long minute of just staring at her, I decided to just go for it. I just hoped, with all fucking hope, that I got a different answer this time around.

"Do you love me?"

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me with such a serious, but thoughtful expression. "What do you think?"

"I think..."

It took me was a half of a second to decide that it didn't matter to me anymore...well, that was a lie. I mean, it will matter later on when my head wasn't so consumed with need for this woman. All the agony and pain I felt moments ago was forgotten and the only thing that I wanted more than the truth was my Mistress.

"...I think too fucking much," I said gruffly.

Slamming the door behind me, I strode over to Bella and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her forcefully to me. Desperate and eager, my lips found hers. And despite the hastiness' behind my rough kiss, Bella didn't push me away. Instead she wrapped her arms around my neck and reciprocated my advances by parting her lips, allowing our tongues to unite.

Digging my fingers into her hips, I pushed her backwards towards the nearest wall. As I slammed her up against, the breath got knocked out of her and she broke away from me, grunting loudly.

This hiccup didn't deter me and I continued to kiss her, moving my mouth from her lips and down to the hollow of her neck. My hands slid up her body, conforming to each curve, and relishing the feel of her under my fingertips.

Putting all my weight into her, I pressed up against the wall and officially trapped her there. She didn't too mind the entrapment, though, reaching in between us and unbuckled my jeans.

Placing my hands on the wall to balance myself, she slid them down past my ass, just enough to spring me free. She took a hold of me, and I bucked my hips into her instinctively.

She moved her wrist in a circular motion, eliciting a hiss out of me. The feel of her grasping me tightly was fucking incredible, but it made me want more.

I was ravenous.

Lust and excitement pulsed through my veins at an alarming rate, and I thrusted my need into her. She increased her tempo even more, determined to make me come first, but I needed to be inside her and a hand-job wasn't going to cut it.

Placing my hand on her neck, gripping her tightly, I pulled her to me and attacked her with my lips.

The kiss was deep and my tongue was forceful. My intent was clear as I reached down and slipped my hand inside the front of her sweatpants, rubbing her clit.

Bella responded to my efforts, moaning against my mouth and bucking her hips into me. The pleasure must have been building because when I inserted two of my fingers inside of her, she bit down on my lower lip...fucking hard.

"Fuck," I hissed, pulling away from her.

"Take them off," she instructed.

I nodded obediently, pulling her sweatpants down. She grabbed me by the base and wrapped her right leg around my waist, pulling my ass into her with her foot.

She pressed the tip against her entrance, and I bended my knees slightly, getting a better angle. Slowly it slid into her, and I gripped her by the upper thighs and lifted her up. Supporting all of her weight with my arms, I eased in and out of her.

I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of My Mistress as she tightened around me. Our breaths became ragged as I picked up the pace. She had her arms wrapped around my neck, trying in vain to support some of her upper weight and giving me more energy to fuck her good.

The picture frame that hung to the right of us started to shake as the wall vibrated with every single thrust. Eventually it could no longer withstand the duress it was under and went crashing to the floor.

Kissing her deeply, I continued pound into her as fast and forcefully as possible. Her thighs squeezed my hips and I could feel the tightening of her inner walls, indicating she was close.

Fuck me...I assumed that I lost this—that I lost her—and was suddenly given back to me.

_God, I fucking love her so fucking much._

"Edward," she moaned against my lips, and that was all it took.

One...two...three more vigorous, deep pumps into her and I was done. Releasing inside of her, I felt all the tension in my muscles dissipate. Suddenly after my pent up energy was gone, I realized how tired my limbs were from all the stress of holding up Bella's weight.

Pulling out, I set her back down on her feet. She reached up and brushed my hair from my face, smiling up at me.

"Did you go?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

I frowned disappointed. "Are you serious?"

She smiled sympathetically. "Yes, I'm very serious, but it's fine."

"Were you close?" Not that it matter anymore, the damage had already been done.

She shook her head, chuckling softly. "Oh, honey, I wasn't even in the vicinity."

I gasped. "Why did you let me come then?"

"Did I let you?" she asked skeptically, raising her eyebrow.

The events played out in my head and it dawned on me...

"Oh, fuck...I just took it, didnt I?"

"You did," she said with a shrug. "But don't worry; you're going to make it up to me, six to one."

My jaw dropped."Six to one?"

"Would you rather have at it be ten to none?" she asked, a slight mischievous smirk playing on her lips.

"No, no," I said, putting my hands up in surrender. "Six to one is good."

"Hmm, that's what I thought," she said, grabbing me by the chin and pulling me down to her face and breathed softly against my lips. "Well, pet, you better get started then."

**~~~888~~~888~~~888~~~**

"What's in Seattle?" I asked Bella as I made circular patterns with my fingers on her bare back.

We were laying on the living room floor, both naked, with only a small quilt covering up the lower portions of our bodies. It was this ugly pattern, kind of scratchy on my skin, but my girl seemed to really like it.

"The Space needle," Bella mumbled into my chest.

She was clearly avoiding the question, and I frowned down at her. "I'm being serious."

She raised her head and propped herself up on her elbows, giving an exasperated sigh. "There's nothing in Seattle, Edward."

" _Nothing_?" I asked skeptically.

"Yes, Edward, there is absolutely nothing in Seattle. There was never a dungeon with some Domina. As if I would ever co-partner with anyone," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "And the teaching job that I was offered a few months back? Well, I turned that down a week or so ago."

"So, the teaching job was true, then?"

Bella laughed, shaking her head. "Look at you, still questioning me. It's not as easy as you thought, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Being able to trust me again after all of those lies I told you," she answered. "It's funny how you still believe them even though you know the truth."

"They were pretty…fucked up."

She nodded in agreement."So, I'm taking that you learned your lesson then?"

"Yeah, I definitely did. More than you know." I reached up and cupped her cheek, putting as much sincerity into my next words as possible. "I promise you as long as I'm fucking breathing, I'll never lie to you again."

"I really hope you mean that, Edward," she said, placing her hand over mine. "Because I promise you that the next time you do lie to me—I don't care how small the lie is—we're done. You got that? I don't offer second chances."

"Yes, I understand, Bella. It won't happen again," I said.

She smiled relieved. "Good."

"Hey," I said, caressing her cheek softly with the back of my hand, "you don't still believe all of the lies that Aro told you about me, do you?"

"I did at first, but I don't anymore." She smiled, reaching up and cupping the side of my face. "I know who you are, Edward, and I know what you did was done with good intentions. I just was so angry at you for going behind back that couldn't see past it."

"I'm know, Bella. I'm sorry for doing that. It was stupid."

"Yes, it was very stupid," she said, tilting her head to the side, studying me. "You know, you're the only person in this world who can get under my skin and irritate me. I can't seem to control my temper around you."

"Hopefully that's a good thing, right?"

"It's a good and bad," she replied, sitting up and putting her beautiful breasts on display.

In full view now, I was slightly distracted by them. Bella was still talking but I didnt hear a word. After a moment of my obvious ogling, she stopped mid sentence and smacked me hard on my chest.

"Ow," I whined, rolling away from her.

"You're unbelievable. Were you even listening to me?" she asked, annoyed.

"Yes," I said. She raised an eyebrow skeptically. I smirked. "No. Not really. Your breasts distracted me."

"They're just tits, Edward," she huffed, grabbing them roughly. "You've seen them a million times. You even put that defiant mouth of yours on them."

The hands, the language, and the 'screw me' look she was giving me, all of it was fucking arousing. It caused the blood in my big head to go rushing down to my little head.

I groaned, closing my eyes tightly. "God, woman, you're going to be the death of me."

She leaned down, pressing her chest into mine, and nibbled along the side of my jaw. She hummed softly, sliding her hand down my chest and underneath the quilt.

"What do we do now?" I croaked out.

It was a way of getting my mind off her hand and where it was going.

"Well," she said, slowly continuing her path until she found what she was looking for and wrapped her fingers tightly around it, "I suppose we just continue to lay here and fuck in the mid-day sun."

"After that?" I grunted, bucking my hips and passively creating some wonderful friction.

She stilled her hand and stared down at me. "Are you asking me how we'll spend the rest of our lives?"

"More or less..." I answered, rolling over on my side and out of her grasp, "but mostly, I wanna know what you plan to do about your dungeon."

She groaned. "I don't have a dungeon."

"That's my point, Bella. We need to do something to change that. I was thinking about, you know, maybe getting a job. It might take awhile for me to save up, but after graduation I could get an architectural job—"

"And then what? Seriously, Edward, what is up with this obsession of yours? Why is it so important to you that I have a dungeon again?" she interrupted. "Can't you see that I'm perfectly happy with the way things are?"

"Bella," I frowned, smoothing out her furrowed brows with the pad of my thumb, "we both know that's not true."

"Fine," she huffed. "I miss it. I do. But that doesn't change anything. I only have enough money saved up to keep me living comfortably with my job at the school. I can't afford spending all of that money on a dungeon and losing it all when the place folds in three months."

"You don't know that, Bella. Trust me, we can make it work. My mom said she'll loan us the money we need it. All you have to do is ask her for it."

"Edward, come on, get serious. I'm not going to ask your parents for money. I rather do it on my own and fail. I don't need anyone's help, okay?"

"If you just ask—"

"I'm not going to ask your parents for money, Edward. Will you please just drop it? For me? Please," she pleaded, grabbing my hands and holding them to her chest.

I relented. "Okay, okay. You win, alright? Considered it dropped."

"Now, I want you to promise me, Edward. Promise me that you'll never ask me about this again."

"What? No. I can't promise that, Bella," I said, shaking my head.

"What? Of course you can. You just say, ' _Bella, I promise never to ask you again about buying you a dungeon_.' It's that easy."

I laughed, amused by her impression of me, but I wasn't going to budge on this. Not now, not ever.

"Look, I've already promised not to ask you to marry me, okay? And believe me, that was a hard fucking limit. But now, you want me to add this to it? No, I'm not going to do it. It's not fair to ask me to do both, Bella. I'm sorry. You're just going to have to give up one."

Her eyes widened and her jaw fell open, and I could clearly see the shock in her face. She couldn't believe how brazen I was, demanding things out of her.

"You're seriously giving me an ultimatum?"

I smirked. "It's your choice, Mistress."

"Oh, you think you're so clever, don't you?" She glared at me playfully, reaching out and twisting my nipple.

I yelped in pain. "Ah, no, I'm not clever. I'm not clever."

She released me her death grip and sat up straight, contemplating her options.

Rubbing my sore nipple, I cocked my head to the side, and nudged her with my knee. "Soooo, which is it, Mistress, are you going to let me get you a dungeon or are you going to marry me?"

She thought about it for a long moment, and I couldn't decide what I wanted more. The dungeon would make her happy, that much I knew, but if she was to marry me, I would work every day to make sure she was more than  _just_  happy.

"Okay, fine," she said, tapping me on the chest to get my rapt attention.

I chuckled. "So, what did decide?"

"First, I wanna know how you propose we get the money for the dungeon? Do you even have a plan—one that  _doesn't_  involve your parents?"

To say that I was disappointed in her decision was an understatement. Once again she'd shunned the proposal of marriage, but unlike before, I wasn't hurt by it. It just meant that marriage wasn't in the cards for us. Not yet, but soon enough. I wasn't going to give up on us.

Right now my main focus was her happiness, and she made her choice.

I smiled and nodded assuredly. "Yes and no. You see, I was banking on that money from my parents, but I think if we put our heads together, we can figure something out. We can do something amazing."

She sat back up and gazed down at me, eyes boring into mine. "You wanna be my partner?"

"Wait, are you asking a submissive to be your business partner?" I teased. "Well, that's just unheard of, Mistress."

She pinched me on my side…hard. "You sure have a smart mouth, don't you?"

"Come here," I said playfully, grabbing by the arms and pulling her down to me. She smelled so good and I inhaled in deeply, resting my forehead on hers.

It was peaceful and I relished in this moment of having her near. It wasn't too long ago where I actually believed that I would never hold her in my arms again. It was the epitome of hell to me, and at the time, I wasn't sure if I would ever survive life without her.

"Bella?" I whispered.

" _Edward_?" she whispered back jokingly.

"Do you love me?"

She wiggled herself out from under my arms and sat up. The sudden removal of her warm of her embrace was like having ice water doused on me. It sent a shrill of panic through me, and I feared that I pushed her too soon. That she was going to confess for the second time this evening that she didn't love me. There was no chance of my survival if she broke my heart again.

I knew that now.

Placing both of her hands on the side of my face, she stared down at me and penetrated me with her eyes, burning me with this unknown intensity. She smiled, and it was fucking stunning.

She lowered her lips down to mine and answered me with a simple, yet a resounding, "Yes."


	43. Morbidity is the Omission of Sorrow

**Chapter Forty-Two**

**~Morbidity is the Omission of Sorrow~**

My eyes jolted open and I sat up abruptly, gasping for air as my heart pounded forcefully against my chest. The sheets were all tangled up at my feet and the overhead fan was on the highest setting, but I was drenched in sweat.

This was the sixth night that I've woken up this way, and each and every time, it scared the living shit out of me.

Taking a deep breath, I threw my legs over the side of the bed and sat there in the dark, willing my heart to slow down.

Bella laid beside me, dead to the world and sleeping soundly. Her breathing was slow and even, eyes fluttering every few seconds as her eyelashes brushed against her skin. She even smiled, seemingly content.

Brushing the strewn hair away from her face, I stared at her in awe… _She was stunning_.

Well, whatever she was dreaming about, it sure wasn't wrought with misery and sadness…not like mine.

For the past week now, feelings of doubt were creeping into my dreams, infesting and multiplying in my brain like a swarm of bees. It consumed me.

The first time it woke me up; I thought I was having a heart attack. It came out of nowhere and I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was dying and that drove me into a panic, which only made it worse. It took some time for me to calm down, but after forcing air into my lungs and allowing my heart rate to slow and my body to relax, it eventually went away.

By the third night, it was a common occurrence to be awoken this way, but I was smart enough to realize what was going on and put two and two together. My nightmares were the chief cause to all of these panic attacks.

You would think I'd be somewhat accustomed to these dreams by now and wouldn't react so drastically. I mean, the outcome was the same and always ended in heartbreak. The only thing that differed from night to night was the circumstances leading up to the end.

The dreams were about Bella and me, and we would be at the grocery store, sometimes her dungeon—wherever, it didn't matter. Somehow, though, I'm not really sure why, but we would just start fighting.

Bella was callous and cold in these dreams, telling me all these things about Aro and her dungeon in Seattle, stunning me into near silence. We were fighting about the lies all over again, but this time they weren't lies…She was telling me the truth.

At the end—right before I wake up—I would ask her if she loved me, and each time that one syllable word would pass her lips, becoming louder, distinct, and more crushing...

 _No_.

That would then send my mind into a tailspin. The incomprehensible destruction of her words and that feeling of loss would wake me up from the nightmare and transpire into a full-blown panic attack.

The dreams were so vivid and real, which made them that more haunting. Night after night, the fears that weren't realized during my waking hours would crawl inside my head and punch me in the face. Forcing me to open my eyes and look around.

It was easier being blind, and every time I kissed her or made love to her, I would have to push those nagging qualms away. I would bury them deep down inside and try to forget about them.

Why wouldn't I?

My fucking love for Bella was like breathing. It was effortless and required no real skill. Since day one, all I wanted to do was be with her. It controlled me. It gave me something to live for. She made me a better man.

Anything she desired, I would do and be for her. It was all I knew…except, lately, it's been getting harder to ignore.

The obsessive and consuming love for her was the same, but my reasons for being with her were changing. Day by day, slowly, they became practically unrecognizable.

The lies that broke me were still there, lingering over my head like a dark, menacing cloud. It was a constant reminder of the pain that ripped through me, shredding apart my insides as she looked me dead in the eye and said…

_No._

The lie to trump all lies angered me the most and I was pissed at myself for overlooking it so easily.

Fuck me—no, fuck her! This shit was detrimental for my health and I was a fool to be drawled into her web; plain and simple.

A love-sick idiot, whose adoration and constant lust distracted him from using his common sense. It muddled up my thoughts, and whenever I was around her, I saw one thing and one thing only... _Bella._

But when school started up again and there was some distance between us, my blinders came off, and I was able to think about things—like really fucking see some perspective. All of her lies, our one-sided relationship, and whether or not she truly loved me. It all became crystal clear, and despite my initial belief, I was unable to move past it.

I mean, it's been a week—seven fucking days, and there I was, still dwelling on it. It seemed as though my mind refused to follow my heart's lead by letting it go and...

"Edward?" Bella mumbled in her sleepy haze, scooting closer to the edge of the bed and rubbed my back. "Baby?"

Guilt for my idle thoughts hit me full force, and I lay back down beside her, pushing those feelings of doubt deep down inside once more.

She wrapped her arms around me and nuzzled her face into my chest.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, babe, everything's fine," I lied, kissing her gently on the forehead. "I promise."

**~~88~~88~~88~~**

It was nearing the second week of bad dreams and panic attacks when I had my revelation.

It was during my sociology class, and my teacher, Professor Ascot, was lecturing on the theories of socialism. He'd been rambling for about an hour and I'd been thinking about Bella—like always—and then out of nowhere, Professor Ascot read off a quote by some theorist. It was random, but the meaning behind the words was significant to me and immediately caught my attention.

"' _A man cannot live if he were entirely impervious to sadness. Many sorrows can be endured only by being embraced, and the pleasure taken in them naturally has a somewhat melancholy character. So, melancholy is morbid only when it occupies too much place in life; but it is equally morbid for it to be wholly excluded from life'._ Does anyone know who said that? Anyone want to give it a shot?"

That was it. That was the reason for my nightmares and panic attacks. I was afraid of hurting...of letting go. In fact, I tried avoiding it at all cost. The very thought of not having Bella pained me, but what was I really gaining by staying?

The sorrow that Bella's lies caused me was irreversible, and I denied that it even existed. The ripple effect was still making waves, reopening old wounds, and I couldn't escape it. My dreams were trying to break through my stubbornness...and show me that things were just going to get worse if I didn't make a change.

Everything was starting to make sense now.

Aro said that I would always love her, even if she didn't love me, and that was true, but he was wrong about one thing. Just because he was determined to do anything to keep her with him—even if that meant he had to force her to love him—didn't mean I was going to do the same.

Fuck that, I would never force Bella to be with me. If she didn't love me, really, there was no point in staying in the relationship. It was only me who was going to end up hurt...

_It's time to rip off the Band-Aid, Cullen._

"No one knows then."

Professor Ascot brought me back to the present, and I glanced up at the clock. There was forty minutes still left of this class, but I couldn't wait that long.

No, I needed to do this now.

Deciding to cut out early, I put my notebook and pens into my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder, and rising to my feet. The scuffling of my movements drew attention to me, but I was on the move and already at the door.

"Young man," Professor Ascot called, banging his hand on the desk, "where do you think you're going? Class is still in session."

My hand stilled over the knob, and I wanted to bang my head up against the wood. The last thing I fucking needed was some arrogant Professor throwing his weight around.

"I'm sorry, Professor Ascot, but something important just came up," I told him, barely glancing over at him as I pressed my shoulder to the door and opening it halfway.

"What's your name?" he asked, going over to his attendance sheet.

I sighed heavily; aggravated by the spectacle he was creating. "It's Edward Cullen."

"Ah, there you are. Mr. Cullen," he said, writing in the book with a red pen.

What the fuck? Was that asshole marking me as absent? What a fucking dick. Marking me as a tardy, I could see, but absent?

By the time he looked back up at me, I was fuming.

"Would you like to enlighten the class with the answer?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he smiled up at me with condescension.

"What answer?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "Why, weren't you paying attention to the lecture, Mr. Cullen?"

 _Not really_ , I thought.

"Yes, I was paying attention, Professor, but I missed the question you asked. Do you mind repeating it?"

"As a matter fact I do," he said, irritation heavy in his tone.

Of course…why wouldn't he mind? It was the same shit all over again and I was bumping heads with my professor. All of the teachers in this fucking school acted like their shit didn't stink. Well, I begged to differ; the stench in this classroom was horrid.

"I'm sorry, Professor," I replied through clenched teeth, trying to play nice. "But I don't know the answer to your question."

"Would you care to venture a guess?"

He was challenging me, and probably pegged me as the slacker student of the class. It was difficult to be put on the spot like this, especially since I had so much going on in my head with Bella and life. How was I supposed to answer under all this fucking pressure?

"Okay," I said, furrowing my brow in concentration.

By now, everyone in the class was staring at me. Some faces were filled with sympathy, while others were talking shit about me with a smug look on their fucking faces.

 _Fuck them and fuck Professor Ascot_ , I decided, going with the only answer that came to mind at that moment…well, besides the flushing heat on my neck, the dampness on my palms, and advancing dryness of my throat.

"Emile Durkheim," I blurted out, turning on my heel and walking out of that asshole's classroom without giving him a chance to respond.

**~~88~~88~~88~~**

"I'm glad you could see me on such short notice," I said, shaking my student advisor's outstretched hand.

He smiled tersely, giving me a stiff nod. "Of course, Mr. Cullen, What can I do for you?"

I sat down in one of the tacky pea-colored chairs. It smelled like stale smoke in his office, and my eyes scanned the room, eager to find the cause.

By the window pane to my left was an ashtray filled with cigarette butts. My mouth watered at the very sight of it and I had to force myself to think about something else.

_Oh, shit, that's right..._

"I'm here acquiring about a possible accelerated program," I said.

Graduation was still over a year away and judging by the way things were going with Bella now, I realized that I couldn't wait that long. So, I decided to step up and apply my intelligence to higher learning—for once.

All I needed was thirty credits to finish my degree, and by taking a few more extra classes—most of them during the evening—I could be out of school within five months. The job that Mack Curtis offered wasn't promised to me, and I had to snatch it up while I still had the chance.

The architectural firm that Mack owned was in Phoenix, and frankly, the prospect of getting out of Chicago was tempting, but it wasn't about running away. The annual salary was within the three figures range. That's extensive amount of cash flow. A year of hard work and I would be financially set. The possibilities were endless. There was just one last loose end to tie up.

"You want to finish early?" he asked, brows bunched together in confusion. Almost as if the concept was beyond comprehension.

"Yes," I replied, shrugging the backpack off my shoulder. "I still have a year left of school, but I was hoping to graduate by June."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible, Mr. Cullen."

"Why isn't it possible?"

"Well, first of all, the semester has already started."

"Yeah, and the deadline to enroll in new classes is next week."

"Yes, that's true, but can you be sure that there are spots available? It's already two weeks into the semester," he said, facing his computer screen and wiggling the mouse on the pad."What's your student ID number?"

"I've looked into the classes, Mr. Delaney, and they have several spots open. I just need to get into them before Monday. That's why I'm here…seeing you. Can you help me?"

His eyes widened, glancing away from the computer screen and back over at me. He wiped the sweat from his forehead.

Why in the fuck was he so nervous?

"You do realize how extensive these classes are. It's going to be a lot of work—and a lot of long hours."

"I don't mind."

"Even so, Mr. Cullen, can you even afford another year of tuition up front?"

"My father already paid all four years in advance. That's not an issue."

"Well, that's...that's unusual."

"Why is that unusual?"

"Well, most students change their major like they change their underwear. It's odd to see a student so resolute in their degree."

What point was he trying to make, exactly? Was he hoping to talk me out of it? Well, at any rate, I was growing bored of the runaround and decided to cut to the chase.

"Can you or can you not enroll me?"

He exhaled heavily. "Are you sure you can handle the workload? You only have until the beginning of February to drop out without it going on your record. After that, well, it gets applied and counted on your GPA. I would hate to see you lose your four-point-oh average."

I forced a smile on my face and said, "I'll be fine."

"Okay," he said, looking quite skeptical.

I tried not roll my eyes at him, but this guy had no idea that my time was was about to be freed up.

"Alright, Mr. Cullen, you're registered in all eight classes. I'm asking you again, so please don't take offense, but you're taking on twelve classes. Are you sure this is what you want?"

His concern for me was endearing, however unnecessary.

"It's the only thing I have going for me at the moment, Mr. Delaney," I answered, picking up my backpack.

He seemed shocked by this. "No girlfriend?"

"No." I shook my head slowly. "No girlfriend."

That statement seemed unnatural to me, and blood rushed to face, making it extremely hot in the room. It was like my body was rejecting that blasphemy.

"Okay, then. Good luck, Mr. Cullen, and you can pick up your revised schedule with the front receptionist. There are several night classes on there, so don't be alarmed."

"That's fine. Thank you, sir," I said, shaking his hand.

"Sure thing," he paused, holding tightly to my hand and pulled me towards him. "Remember, I am here to help you."

I narrowed my eyes at him and chuckled nervously, yanking my hand away. "Okay, thanks."

We said a few awkward goodbyes, and I left his office, swinging by the receptionist to pick up my schedule. And holy shit was he right. The schedule was nuts. It was back to back classes, and all hours of the day were filled. I was committing social suicide, but there was no turning back now. My mind was already made up.

Now, all I had to do was go home and breakup with Bella…

God help me.

**~~88~~88~~88~~**

The drive home was spent blasting Pink Floyd and speeding down the Kennedy expressway. It took me less than thirty minutes to get from point A to point B, and when I pulled into the drive, I was relieved to see that Bella wasn't home yet. It gave me some time to pack up my things and decide what I was going to say to her.

The house was eerily quiet when I walked in, but I didn't waste time pondering the significance of that omen. I just bolted up the stairs to my room and started to pack.

The duffel bag that I brought with me was still in the closet and I pulled it down from the top shelf, stuffing my clothes in it. Fuck me, it was a God damn mess and my shit was everywhere. I tried to comb through it carefully, getting as much of my things as I possibly could, but it was already three o'clock and I didn't have much time.

It took an extra ten minutes going into each room and picking up discarded items. When I got to the playroom, though, I froze. There was so much of Bella and me behind those double wooden doors, and I didn't have the fucking guts to face them. Right now, my conviction was weak and I couldn't risk diminishing anymore of it.

So, I skipped that room altogether and headed downstairs. When I reached the bottom step, Bella was walking through the front door. She looked tired. Her hair was piled on top of her head, messy and sexy as fuck. The white pressed blouse from this morning was wrinkled and untucked. She set down her briefcase and keys on the foyer table, heaving an exhausted sigh. She noticed me off to the side, fucking gawking at her. She smiled.

"Hey, you're home," she said, slipping off her heels and walked towards me.

I wasn't sure how I was going to do this. Honestly, I was panicked. If she sheds one tear—just one fucking tear—or pleads with me to stay, I know my resolve will be squashed. Somewhere in my fragile fucked-up psyche, I hoped that she would beg or demand me not to leave her…but knowing Bella, she'll probably escort me out the fucking door.

She stopped short, glancing down at my bags clutched in my hands. "What's this, Edward? Are you going somewhere?"

"I'm moving back in with Emmett," I replied, my voice coming out strained, and somewhat mechanic. "He needs help with the rent. You see, my dad stopped paying my bills for me, so, it kind of screws him out of an apartment. He's got nowhere else to go."

"Oh, okay then," she said, giving me a relieved smile. She walked over and wrapped her arms around my neck. I flinched slightly, to which she noticed. Of course, she would notice. She pulled back and narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I answered, swallowing thickly.

"Are you sure? You just seem...different," she said, sliding her hands up my neck and into my hair.

When she touched me, it gave me a mixture of emotions: wanting, needing, love, distrust, and disgust. But when she leaned in to kiss me, the sickness won out, and I turned away from her advances.

"Okay, seriously, what is going on with you, Edward?" she asked, taking a hold of my face with her hands and turned my head roughly towards her. She looked me squarely in the eyes. "Are we okay?"

I dropped my bags and reached up, grabbing a hold of her wrists and clasped them tightly. I brought them down to her chest and pushed her away. "This is not working for me anymore."

"Wait a second," she said, realization dawning on her. She took a step back. "Are you…are you breaking up with me?"

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing," I told her truthfully.

"It sounds like you're breaking up with me, Edward."

"Yeah?" I asked, not really believing it myself. But there I was, packed and ready to go. "I guess I am."

She folded her arms over her chest, stance rigid, and face stern, yet still incredibly beautiful. "Why?"

I shrugged, briefly glancing away from her penetrating glare. "I don't know if what we have is real anymore."

"Real? Opposed to what…wait a minute, does this have anything to do with all those lies I told you? Edward," she sighed, exasperated, rubbing her forehead roughly, "it was meant to teach you lesson. That's all. None of it was true."

"I know, I know," I said, frustrated, running my hands through my hair. "I understand why you did it. I do, Bella, believe me. I just…I just can't understand why you said _no_."

"No?" she asked, her brows drawing together in confusion.

She didn't even see how significant that one word was.

"When I asked you if you loved me, you said—"

"No," she whispered, finally getting the meaning. Her eyes widened and she shook her head. "Jesus, Edward, that's what this is about? I didn't mean it. It was just..."

"A lesson," I said, frowning slightly. "Yeah, I got that—and it worked. I mean, I'll never lie to you again. But I can't get over how you just sat there and watched me self-destruct. It's…it's why I'm leaving."

"So, you're leaving because I lied to you?"

"Essentially," I said with no apologies.

"Don't you think that's a little hypocritical?"

"No…Well, perhaps just a little. But, I mean, you were going to break up with me for lying, Bella…which, thinking back on it now, maybe you should have done that instead of what you did."

"Instead of what I did?" she shot back, eyes ablaze with fury. "You begged me not to give up on us, Edward, remember? That's why I chose to do what I did. I was trying to find away to trust you again."

"I know," I said, closing my eyes tightly, fighting the urge to kiss her and make this all go away. Fuck me, I loved her so fucking much...but...I couldn't stay with her. "Shit."

"Tell me what this is about," she said, cupping the side of my cheek. "Please."

_Be strong. Be strong._

My eyes shot open and I stepped away from her touch. "It's just…I don't  _believe_ you."

"You don't believe me?" she asked, her arms dropping to her sides. "What do you think? Do you think I'm lying?"

"No, no, I don't think you're lying, Bella. In fact, I know you're telling the truth. I just…" I sighed. "I just don't believe you."

She laughed dryly, rolling her eyes. "That makes no sense."

"I know it doesn't. But it's the only way to explain why I'm leaving. Why I can't be with you anymore."

"That's your explanation? Really?"

I nodded, shoving my hands deep into my pockets. "Yeah."

"Well, not meaning to sound petty or anything, Edward, but this  _is_  your fault. You're the one who went behind  _my_  back. You're the one who lied to  _me_. How was I supposed to forgive you for all of that, huh?"

"No, you're right; this shit is all my fault. I take full responsibility for that. But my lies, as stupid and misguided as they were, Bella, I didn't do it to hurt you. Believe it or not, I was trying to help you."

She glared at me. "Did I ever ask you for your help?"

"No, you didnt...and I think that was where I went wrong in all of this. I was always trying to fix your relationship with your sister and the dungeon—"

"I don't need you to fix any of that for me, Edward."

"No, I know that...but it didn't stop me from trying. I just wanted to see you happy." I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe, I just wanted to feel  _needed_ by you."

The anger in her was boiling over, but she stayed collected, and the only sign of any emotion was the coldness of betrayal in her eyes—something that I was fairly familiar with.

"You keep saying that you want to make me happy, right?"

"Yeah, that's all I ever wanted."

"Then what's the point in all of this? Why are ruining everything?"

"I'm not trying to ruin anything, Bella. I'm trying to do what's right. This," I said, gesturing between us, "this is not healthy. We aren't working."

"Well, fine, go! I'm not going to force you to stay with me, Edward. Consider our contract voided," she said, waving me off. "You know your way out."

_Contract?_

Did she just really fucking liken our relationship to a written contract? It was hard to differentiate between her being hurt by me and trying act unaffected by it or her just being a cold-hearted bitch by reducing me to nothing but a contractual submissive.

A part of me was going to leave without saying anything, but the other part, the larger, pissed-off, and unrequited part, needed to be heard…if only for one last time.

"You see, you say shit like that, Bella, and what am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to see past that and believe that you actually feel something for me, huh? Tell me."

She stayed silent and kept her back towards me…which spoke volumes.

I threw my hands up in defeat. "That's it. I'm done. I can't stay here and bleed my fucking heart out to you and get nothing in return." I sighed, feeling the anger wash away from me. "You know what I think, Bella? I think there was some truth to what you told me about Aro and the dungeon. You used me to get away from him. Maybe not consciously at first, but you knew what would happen if he found out about me."

She swung around, eyes red and swollen, but her cheeks were dry…not one drop fell. "I took a risk, Edward. What was I supposed to do, hide you away? Even if I did, it would all come out sooner or later and we would still be where we are right now. My reasons and actions have the no effect on what's going on between us."

"It has a lot to do with what's going on, Bella. Why can't you see that? Those actions of yours have consequences, just like my actions did. We're no different," I said, picking up my bags and headed for the door.

"Wait," she said.

I stopped, turning around to face her. "What?"

"I don't have anybody else," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

At that moment, I knew that leaving her was the right thing to do.

"Bella, I don't want the woman I'm madly in love with to be with me just out of pure necessity."

"I'm not with you out of necessity," she argued, her eyes forming into thin slits as the fire inside her was reignited.

It was better to have her attack me than for her to fall to pieces. I can stay strong and be asshole to her if she fights, but if she was to crumble before me, it would break whatever little resolve I was clinging to. It would devastate me to see her that way, and despite my better judgment, I would drop to my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

Luckily, she refused to be vulnerable.

"Besides," she continued, "I thought you said you wanted to feel needed by me. Well, guess what, you can't have both, Edward. So, which is it? Do you want me to need you or don't you?"

"I know that's what I said, and honestly, that belief is what kept me here for so long. I thought being needed by you was love, but it's the wrong kind of need, Bella. It's not the all-so-consuming need for a person; a need that you can't live without. No, what I'm talking about is you only being with me because every other aspect of your life is so fucked up."

"And whose fault is that?"

In her own way, she was actually begging me to stay—and God knows that deep down inside, I wanted to—but we couldn't keep going on this path. One of us had to step up and put a stop to it.

Go figure that it would be the submissive.

"It's mine, Bella. That's why I'm leaving. I'm no good for you."

The truth was painful and I'd never felt so low in my life.

"You are good," she whispered. "I'm not."

My semi-cold façade broke at that moment, and I walked up to her, placing both of my hands on the side of her face. I leaned in, giving her a kiss. It was brief, and when I was done, I laid my forehead against hers. "Please, please,  _please_ , make things right with your sister, get back your dungeon, and fix those things that I couldn't, Bella. And after all of that and you still want to be with me, you know where to find me."

"And what if you've moved on by then?" she asked me, a look of panic in her eyes.

Kissing her forehead for the last time, I made her a promise. "I won't."

Then, I picked up my bags and walked out the door.


	44. Shell-Shocked

**Chapter Forty-Three**

**~Shell-Shocked~**

Twilight was on the horizon, and I'd been driving for hours, wasting gas, without really any specific direction in mind. For all I knew, I could be driving towards a cliff; one that drops three hundred feet down into a canyon with rigid rocks, causing my imminent and fiery death. But even so, I wouldn't slow down or turn back. Hell, I might even accelerate on the gas pedal. Because truly, what did it fucking matter?

Nothing mattered—not since four this afternoon.

That was when my plans to be with Bella for the rest of my life came to an abrupt halt. I made a snap decision, thinking it was for the best, and walked out on the only woman I'd ever loved. The look in her eyes nearly broke me, and I expected to fall to my knees with grief, begging her to forgive me, but the opposite happened. I got in my car and drove away, putting miles and miles between us.

The world that I'd known hadn't come crashing down on me—not yet—instead, I felt... _numb,_  and completely shell-shocked the whole experience.

It was a blessing, really, to not feel the hurt of my ignorant choices, and to be able walk away from my Mistress, practically unscathed.

The only problem with not feeling the pain of the separation was that it left me feeling gutted, my insides raw and destroyed. I was an empty shell of a man now, and I couldn't seem to make myself care about anything. The part of me that lived and breathed happiness had stayed with her...

" _My_  Bella," I said aloud, marveling at the sound of her name.

That tiny, insignificant, slip was my undoing, because the simple acknowledgement of her existence had awoken something inside me. I could feel it now, the  _pain_. The numbness was slowly wearing off like morphine, and the hurt and anger that lived inside was clawing its way to the surface. Its sharp and jagged teeth were tearing and ripping away the last shreds of my damaged heart. It was only a matter of time before it broke through, slaughtering me with its insatiable wrath.

Yes, despair was lurking around the corner, and it would eventually bring me to my knees.

I needed to get home...and it had to be  _fast_.

There was no telling how long I had until the earth parted and dragged me down to hell. My mind was already teetering on the cusp of insanity. As I drove through the streets, speeding and passing cars like a mad man, I thought about  _her_ and the break-up and how she didn't beg me to stay.

"Ugh," I growled, clutching the steering wheel and banging the back of my head against the headrest. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

This was stupid. I was an idiot. What did I expect by ending things with Bella? Did I actually believe if I was the one who stepped up and broke it off first that my pain would be lessened? That somehow, it wouldn't affect me at all?

_Really?_

Jesus Christ, I  _was_ a moron. If anything, the breakup was harder because I was the one who caused my agony and despair. I had the power to end it. Hell, that's assuming Bella would even take me back, and that was un-fucking-likely, I was the one who walked out on her. I abandoned our relationship—and this was after all my fucking talk about always wanting to be with her and working shit out, no matter what the circumstances were. But that's all it was:  _just talk_. The first sign of trouble, I fucking jump ship and bolt for the nearest exit like a coward with his tail between his legs.

 _But she lied to you_.

Yeah, but I lied first, didnt I? This started all because I went behind her back with the dungeon. Of course, she acted the way she did. I'm no better. In fact, I'm fucking worse.

_She purposely hurt you with her lies._

That's true, her lies fucking broke me into a million pieces, but it was for a reason. She wanted to teach me a lesson about the consequences of lying—and it fucking worked, didn't it? Wasn't that the point? How can I fault her for that?

_She watched you crumble and sob on her couch, like a fucking whiny ass bitch, and not once did she recant her statement. She just stood there and did nothing._

Yeah, that was pretty bad...

_If the roles were reversed, what would you have done?_

I would've forgiven her...no questions asked.

_Exactly. You would've held her in your arms, kissed her, and told her that you understood why she lied. You would've never seen her actions as devious or worth your distrust._

I know, I know...

_Face it, Cullen, she never loved you. You're a fool to believe otherwise._

"No!" I shouted.

The loud echo of my voice in the small confines of my car startled me, and at that moment, I realized that how fucking crazy I was. For the last twenty minutes, I've, _literally_ , been arguing with myself—like seriously having a full on fucking conversation. I was losing my fucking mind.

I sighed, giving in to my insanity. "She loves me, damn it. I know she does."

 _God_ , I just wished that  _I_  didn't love her so much. How simpler would've my life been if I didn't?

What if I'd never met her or if Emmett had never pointed her out that day at the coffee shop? If I'd never pursued her or known the pure pleasure of the pain that she brought to my flesh, my soul...

If she never existed in my life, would I have been happier and more fulfilled with a mountain of skanks and their superficial love?

No, fuck that. I refused to even consider it. Loving Bella, as chaotic and confusing as it was, it was the only thing I've ever done right in my life. Even if things between us were over now, I would never regret one single moment spent with her.

 _Calm down…_ I coaxed myself, forcing to take deep breaths.

It was fast at first, making me slightly lightheaded, but eventually as my nerves relaxed, my chest rose and fell in a slow and steady motion.

I peeked up from my steering wheel, and glanced around cautiously.

Somewhere between speeding through the downtown district, talking to myself, and beating my head to a pulp against the steering wheel, I had managed to make it back to my apartment...safe and sound.

_Thank fuck._

Even in a daze-like state I was still highly functional, which was a relief, but at the same time, it fucking scared me. If couldn't remember the simple task of driving home, what else couldn't I remember?

The clock on the dash illuminated a bright blue, indicating that it was nine twenty.

It's been five hours since I left Bella's house?

_Fuck me! That can't be right. Has it really been that long?_

Shit, I needed something to eat, and my stomach growled loudly, further proving my point. It was late and my gas tank was bone dry, so going to some burger joint wasn't feasible. I just hoped that Emmett stocked up on food...that seemed highly unlikely, though.

Turning off the car, I got out and grabbed my bags in the backseat. The neighborhood was oddly quiet for a Friday night, and as I walked across the courtyard to my apartment, I glanced up at the two windows of my house. I could see that the kitchen and hall light was on.

Well, that was good, at least Emmett was up. However, I didn't want to deal with all the questions he was going to throw my way about my reasons for being home. Hopefully, I can give him some vague answers to appease him for the night. I just needed time to myself to sort things out before Emmett and everybody else debriefed me, hounding me for all the gory details.

That's why it was imperative to get my ass upstairs and into bed. I needed to forget about this day—and maybe, by some miracle, I'll be able get some decent sleep. It'll be nice not having to wake up short of breath and with my heart pounding out of my chest. I just hoped that the nightmares weren't worse…where would I be then?

Sliding the key in the keyhole, I unlocked the door and stepped inside. The living room was dimly lit and out of the corner of my eye and to my left, I noticed slight movement. It took me less than a second to figure out what was going on, and it was mainly due to the combination of the smacking sounds of skin coming together and two sets of voices, moaning and grunting…

"Oh, shit," I blurted out, taking in the blinding sight of Rosalie straddling Emmett.

They were  _fucking_  on  _my_  couch—my mom bought me that couch.

"Jesus, Edward! What the fuck?" Emmett shouted at me, wrapping his arms around Rosalie protectively, trying to cover up as much of her naked body as he could.

"Sorry, sorry. I should've called," I said, covering my eyes with my hands, navigating through the living room in darkness. "I'm just…Don't jizz all over my couch, asshole!"

Microfiber fabric was hard to clean…I knew that shit firsthand.

They said some choice words to me as I rushed to my room, closing the door behind me. The image of them screwing was hard to dispel from my fucking brain, and a lobotomy seemed like the only cure.

Leaning my back against my door, I threw my bags to the floor and let out a tired sigh as I rubbed my temples. The room was dark with the moon being its only source of light, which was nice; I was already developing a migraine. My bed was just two to three steps to the right and I could fall into it from the door…and I did, collapsing into it with a loud thud.

The pillows and sheets were completely devoid of Bella's scent, and that was comforting. The hurt was still clouded by anger and somewhat under wraps, but it was the comical situation of walking in on Em and Rose was what put my mind at ease. Sleep would come easy to me tonight…only if my nightmares stayed away.

As my eyes drooped and closed, I prayed and begged that I didn't dream of her.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

The alarm went off, blaring loudly into my ear, and I rolled over to my side to turn it off. The only problem was that the clock wasn't on my bedside table. I moved it. It was sitting on my dresser—across the fucking room. What seemed like a good idea a few months ago to get my lazy ass up to turn it off was now just irritating the fuck out of me.

"Shit. Damn it. You fucking cock sucker," I snapped, roughly kicking the covers off my legs and getting up from the bed.

I stomped my feet like a petulant child and slammed my fist down on the off button, repeatedly, forcing it into submission.

It made a low guttural groan, beeping a few more times before finally dying and leaving me with some peace and fucking quiet.

Glancing around my room, still not used to my surroundings quite yet, I ran my hands anxiously through my hair. It was a vast departure from Bella's lavish bedroom.

I frowned.

"Jesus," I said, shaking my head, not too keen on the pigsty at my feet.

Clothes were everywhere, and I couldn't believe that I actually lived like this. How in the fuck did I ever get girls to put out in this filth?

_Well..._

Sighing heavily, I shook that derogatory thought out of my head and grabbed a huge pile of my clothes. They were dirty,  _naturally_ , and I walked across the room and stuffed them in the overflowing hamper.

It took a good five minutes to clear the floor, but it was an instant improvement. I could actually see the carpet with its tan shade and multi-colored speckles.

As I moved to go retrieve my bags at the door, I saw my phone light up out of the corner of my eye and I stopped breathing. Only one person came to mind and the chances of it being her was scarce, but it didnt deter me from hoping that it was.

Self-consciously, I smoothed down my shirt and fixed my hair as I approached my phone. The screen had gone dim by the time I reached it, and I would have to unlock it to see who texted me, but as I swiped my finger across it, I felt my muscles stiffen.

_What if it is her…_

My breathing was much more labored now and my hands were getting shaky. There was a large lump in the back of my throat and I swallowed profusely, hoping to dislodge it. But nothing worked, and all I was doing was gulping down massive amounts of salvia.

Fuck me, why was I so nervous?

Sitting down on my bed, I held it tightly in my hand and stared at it. I was fucking stalling, and I knew it, but I was petrified. Whatever or whoever it was, they had the power to determine my mood.

"Stop being a pussy."

Shrugging it off and being a man—for once—I unlocked my screen. As the message opened, I prepared for the worst, but the unknown number confused me. It took a lot longer than it should have for me to realize that it wasn't from Bella. No, it was from some random girl I'd slept with nearly a year and a half ago. Why she was texting me after all this time, I had no fucking clue, but the timing of it was impeccable.

 _It's a sign_.

My life before Bella was rearing its ugly head once again. Almost as if the last few months never happened. I was destined to repeat my whoring ways, drinking, smoking, and being an embarrassment to my parents. It was the realization of what my life was to become without Bella in it that had finally broken through my denial.

The pain that I'd been hiding from had found me, and it was making up for lost time.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I gritted my teeth and threw the phone across the room. It hit the door and bounced back, landing on the carpet face up and fucking taunting me with that God damn message.

It was an explosion, and all my fury came out as I started to punch the wall and throw inanimate objects around, feeling little satisfaction in their demise.

Why in the fuck was I killing myself over this woman? What redeeming quality did she have to get me so whipped? She was beautiful and sexy, that was true, but what else? She controlled every aspect of my life, and what did I get in return?

Nothing but fucking heartbreak, that's what.

She was cruel and closed off, never allowing me to fully get to know her. So, what was it? Why did I love her so much?

My eyes searched the room wildly, looking for something to destroy, and my gaze fell upon my duffel bag. It was wide open and a clear plastic object was sticking out. It struck me as odd and I reached down to grab it, palming the hardness in my hands.

The silver plated lock dangled from it, clamping it closed and making it all one piece. My Mistress had the key to the lock, and with us being apart, the chastity belt was worthless. Nothing but a piece of plastic, and yet, it held so much significance.

That was it. The belt was my reminder of why I loved Bella as much as I did.

She evoked feelings within me, challenged me, and kept me on my toes. There were parts of her that she showed me, the kind and caring aspects of her personality. She had a dry sense of humor and I would see it when she teased me. That's why her lies hurt as much as they did and gave me those panic attacks. I felt like I was slowly losing that part of her, and I needed her more than I needed to breathe. But she had to choose me, too. She needed to decide if she wanted me. And she wasn't going to figure it out with me being so close to her, everyday, twenty-four seven. I fogged up her thoughts like she did mine, and we both were too distracted to see that things between wasn't right. We were broken. We needed to be apart to see how perfect we were for each other.

My Mistress, despite her many flaws, was worth a million heartbreaks.

This pain, however, was the worst. The ache that I felt at Bella's house when she told me she didn't love me was mild compared to the agony that ripped through me now. Every part of my body slumped, and I slid off the bed and onto the floor. Pulling my knees up, I buried my face in them and wrapped my arms around my legs. I rocked back on forth as the tears spilled out of me. The burning in my chest intensified with each gasp, and I sobbed loudly and uncontrollably. And I'm pretty sure Emmett could hear me through the door, but I didn't care.

I've finally given up and allowed the pain in.

It consumed me, wrapping me up in its cold embrace. I felt more broken than ever, but even so, it was better than feeling nothing. It allowed me to grieve and to cleanse Bella out of my system.

Except, it didnt heal me right away. No, I suffered. The hurt was deep and it throbbed...

And it would last for three days.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

It was late Monday night when I finally got up and left my room. For seventy-two hours and forty-five minutes, I laid in my bed, curled up in the fetal position. I stared at my phone, willing Bella to call me…but she never did.

Emmett checked up on me several times throughout my seclusion, but staying true to his word, he didn't stay for long periods of time and only came into my room to give me water or food. Apparently, I wasn't any good to him dead.

But the time had come, and I knew that I couldn't stay locked up in my room forever. There was twelve classes still looming over my head, and in a way, I was anxious for the distraction. If I kept my mind busy, I might be able to survive the months to come. Deep down though, I hoped that Bella would come back to me—regardless if her life was fixed. I didn't give a shit about that anymore.

I missed her.

Walking out into the living room, I felt a little wobbly and placed my hand on the wall to steady myself. It been days since I was erect and my legs weren't responding very well to the sudden movement. Emmett saw me struggling and jumped up from his seat to help me to the kitchen table, but I waved him off. He stood close to me, expecting me to go falling to the ground at any moment.

It was ridiculous.

Rose watched me curiously, her expression hard to read. There was some sympathy behind her blue eyes, but also some distrust. I'm not sure if any of them knew what was going on with me, but judging from my depression, it should've been obvious.

I slouched in the chair and stared down at my hands, refusing to make eye contact with either of them. My phone, however, was face up in my palm…just in case she called.

"Edward," Emmett called hesitantly. "Are you ready to talk about what's going on?"

"I broke up with Bella," I answered, but my mouth was so dry and my voice was barely audible.

"Here, dude," Emmett said, and I glanced up and saw him pushing a bottle of water in my direction.

I smiled gratefully as I opened it and chugged down the cool contents. He was a good friend.

"Thanks," I said.

"So, you broke up with Bella?" he asked, reaffirming my statement. "Are you serious?"

I nodded, glancing away from his stunned stare.

I'm sure it was hard to believe that I would do such a thing. Everyone knew how whipped I was for her—everyone except for Rosalie.

"I knew it," she laughed dryly, sitting back in her chair and shaking her head. "I knew you would fuck this up."

"Hey, Rose." Emmett snapped, shaking his head at her.

"What? No, don't look at me like that, Em. It's true, isn't it? He had a good thing going with her and he blew it. What happened, Edward, commitment got too much for you?" she sneered.

Her words were harsh and I flinched, seeing some truth behind them. That's why I didn't get mad or lash out at her. She was sorely misinformed, and believed me to be the same guy that she'd known a few months back. It made sense that she would assume the worst about me.

Hell, even I thought I was shit.

"No," I replied after a long silence. "It's not like that…" My voice cracked. "…I'm in love with her."

Rose was thrown off by the sincerity in my response. She was expecting me to get angry with her, but that was an emotion that I didn't have the strength to possess. I was too overwhelmed with grief.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're not lying, are you?"

I scoffed. "Nothing good comes from lying."

The intense stare down we were giving each other got a little too much for me and I had to look away from her. My phone was far more interesting to me, anyway. I had unlocked the screen to check if she called or texted me, but unfortunately, like many times before, I was left disappointed.

I sunk in my seat even more, feeling the life just being sucked out of me. It was clear to me now; I wasn't going to survive this break-up.

"Baby, I love you," Emmett said to Rose, "and please don't take this the wrong way, but fucking go somewhere."

"What?" she gasped and I could hear the shock in her voice. I could only imagine what her face looked like.

"Listen, you don't have to leave the house, but you do have to leave this room. Just go to my bedroom and watch TV. I need some alone time with my boy. Okay?"

No call. No text. No nothing.

"Emmett," Rosalie protested.

The plea in her voice caught my attention and I glanced up in time to see Emmett rise from his chair and kissed her gently on the forehead. It was his way of putting the end to their conversation. He was dismissing her, and when she realized this, the flush of red that overwhelmed her face was almost funny. But she refused to leave, even after he turned his back on her, she continued to sit there. The anger was building and she sat there, staring viciously at the back of Emmett's head. He was unaware of what was going on behind him, but he didn't care. He just ignored her and focused all his attention on me.

Eventually she got up and stormed off to his bedroom, bitching about him disrespecting her and his insensitivity the whole way there. I think she even said she wasn't going to give sex for weeks—perhaps months.

The door slammed hard, and I shuddered. That was some exit.

Suddenly, I felt guilty for causing a rift between Emmett and Rose. I mean, they shouldn't be fighting, especially not over me.

"Dude," I said, shaking my head, "you should go talk with her. I don't want you guys pissed off at each other."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "We're fine. She's fine. She says that sort of shit to me all the time. It used to work, too, but I found out that it bothers her if I act like I don't care about getting sex from her."

"Seriously?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, Rose likes to use sex as a weapon, but I unarm her with indifference. By the end of the day, she's usually climbing all over me, just begging me for give it to her." He laughed.

He had her under his thumb and he knew exactly how to work her. That was fucking cool and I saw him in a new light. And to think, all this time, I thought he was whipped more than me.

"Wow. That's some manipulating shit there, Em. I'm impressed."

He waved me off. "Nah, don't be. You would've figured it out, too, man—In fact, it probably wouldn't have taken you as long."

"Yeah, unfortunately, I don't think that tactic would have worked too well on Bella."

My phone lit up at that moment and my eyes shot down at it. Sadly, it was nothing. It was just some fucking  _Groupon_ phone app of mine. I needed to delete that fucker.

"What happened, bro?" Emmett asked, lightly punching me on my arm. "Why did you break up with her?"

I groaned. "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? Do you still want to be with her?"

My heart clenched, and I nodded. "Very much so."

"And you still love her, right?"

"Yeah…" I grimaced. "But me loving her is not the issue."

"Then what's the issue? I mean, do you honestly enjoy being miserable?"

I laughed. "It would seem that way, huh?"

He shrugged. "Well, I don't understand why you would break up with a girl you're crazy about."

"Bella...she has some problems."

"Yeah, so? We all have problems. You deal with it and move on."

Life seemed so simple in Emmett's eyes and I envied him for it.

"You think I'm an idiot, huh?"

"Kind of." He smiled. "No, I'm being serious now. How long have you been seeing her?"

"A month, maybe two, tops."

He raised his eyebrow, looking at me like I was fucking nuts. " _And_  you're already giving up on the relationship? Checked out?"

"No, I just..."

"Edward, man, listen, relationships aren't perfect right out of the gate. I know you're new to it and all, but I can't even begin to tell you how many times Rose and me fought during that first year of our relationship. It was like vicious, too. Like each time, we didn't stop until the other person's throat was completely ripped out."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I remember those days. Holy fuck."

" _But_  we were just getting to know each other and learning how the other one ticks.  _You_ , my friend, gave up even before the first round ended. The moment that things got too deep with you guys, you bailed."

I exhaled exasperated. He just wasn't getting it. "It's more complicated than that, Em. Bella isn't like Rose. I've watched you guys interact and she gives you as much as you give her. Good and bad. Bella refused to do any of that. She has trust issues."

"And you don't?"

"Yeah, I do, but hers were affecting our relationship, Em. She was always holding back from me. In truth, she wasn't ready to fully commit to me and I sensed that she never would. I couldn't continue to stay there knowing that."

He scrunched up his nose at me, looking like he smelled something foul. "Dude, what are you a woman?"

"What? Yeah, okay, Em, it's been nice talking to you. Fuck off." I crossed my arms over my chest and kicked him in the shin.

"I'm sorry, man, but seriously, you think too fucking much. That's your problem."

"Unbelievable. I'm sitting here and telling you that she didn't fucking love me, and you're saying I'm over thinking shit?" I asked, pissed. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Look, I am just trying to help. But if you want to be miserable, be miserable," he said, scooting his chair away from the table. "I give up."

My anger quickly dissipated and I sighed, feeling so drained.

"I'm sorry, Em. You're right. Look…she needs to decide if she wants to be with me. That's why I broke up with her. I couldn't keep on pretending that everything was fine between us. I'm fucking miserable because of it. I miss her. But if I stayed with her and things didn't change, it would only kill me in the end."

He was silent, not much to be said as he stared at me. There was sympathy in his eyes and it was embarrassing. If only I could shut my fucking mouth and suffer in silence…but alas, I couldn't do the most simplest of things and like fucking word vomit, I continued to dig my own grave.

"You know, I was going to marry her."

His eyes widened, and he shook his head, trying to comprehend what I fucking said. "Wait, what? You were going to marry her? Like seriously? You're a walking contradiction, man. You say one thing but do the other."

"Yeah, I know." I laughed. "But that's where we are. She hasn't called me. She doesn't care. That's it. It's done. All I can do now is finish school and…live a celibate and miserable fucking life."

"Celibate?" His head snapped up. "What? No, fucking way, Edward. Not on my watch. We should go out tonight and forget about all of this celibate talk."

Ah, of course, he was a fix it man, but booze and woman wasn't going to help me. No, that part of my life was over.

"No, I'm not in the mood to go out and drink, Em. I got school tomorrow and I need to start studying," I told him, rising from my chair. I picked up my shirt and sniffed it. "First, I think I should go take a shower."

"So, that's it? Are you sure that really done with her?" he asked.

He wanted to know if I was going to lock myself up in my room again, wallowing in my filth absorbed in grief and self-pity. He was worried about me, I knew it, but he didn't need to be. If anything, I was resilient. I wasn't over Bella, not in the least, and I probably will never be, but I needed to make something of myself. So, if she did get her shit together and decide she wanted to be with me, she wouldn't find a worthless, out of work, bum. She would find a successful and rich man, deserving enough to be her boyfriend…eventually, maybe her husband…but always her submissive.

I shrugged, feigning indifference. "I am for now."


	45. Moving Forward While Standing Still

**Chapter Forty-Four**

**~Moving Forward While Standing Still~**

It's been four months, twenty-seven days, eighteen hours, and thirty-two minutes since my world stopped... _respectively_. The months trudged on and my days were long and tedious. I filled those lonely hours with school, locking myself in my apartment and ignored my ever growing misery. I kept my eyes on the prize and buckled down, studying my ass off. It was hard work and took a lot of focus, but I got it done—and in record time.

But really, what else was I going to do?

The week following the breakup with Bella was a transitioning period. It took a lot of will power not to go crawling back to her, and at times, I thought about driving past her house, just to catch a glimpse of her.

Of course, I never did...but as the hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, I started to forget why I'd broken up with her in the first place. The only thing that I realized by being apart from her was the painful and refutable truth: Bella didn't want me and she wasn't coming back.

 _And_ as much as I didn't want to accept the fact that she'll never be in my arms again and kissing her lips was nothing but a distant memory, I managed to move on with my life.

Well, okay, again, that's a fucking lie.

Time forced me to move forward physically, but emotionally and mentally, I remained stunted and unchanged. Every aspect of me was stagnant and trapped in my heartache, completely frozen in time where things used to make sense.

Emmett saw me going down this path resembling one of a recluse and he felt the need to step up and give me an intervention of sorts. Except this time it didn't involve massive amounts of alcohol or easy women. Instead he brought me straight to my parent's doorstep. It was what I needed, we both knew it, but it had led to one awkward encounter.

The fury towards my father was stronger than ever, and I couldn't forgive the way he'd cut me off so callously. The one time I truly needed him and he turned his back on me. My hurt and depression was staggering and it made it impossible for me to see logic. My dad, to his credit, stood firm and didn't see his actions as a betrayal to me. He truly believed that what he did was right, just a lesson that his dim-witted son had to learn.

We were so much alike in many ways, but prominently, we were both stubborn jackasses who'd stuck their heels in the dirt and refused to budge.

This trait we both shared lead to silence and that grew into animosity. After an hour or so, I was tired of staring at him. Nothing was going to get solved. We've reached an impasse, and more or less, I'd given up.

But as I turned to leave, my mom, the level-headed one in the family, chose that time to intervene. She told us,  _eloquently_ , to knock our shit off. It was the nudge that my father and I needed. We came to terms and an agreement of sorts.

He was going to start paying all of my bills again, and in return, I had to visit them at least three times a week. Apparently, they missed me.

Which, I missed them, too...

However, I had this nagging suspicion that my breakup with Bella and desire to graduate early had worked in my favor. The funny part was I didn't even give a shit if they approved of my decision—hell, I didn't even care if they were proud of me. Besides myself, there was only one other person I was doing all of this for…and she would never even know about it.

"Purple," I sighed, aggravated. "The fucking cap and gown just  _had_ to be purple, didn't it?"

Karen…. _something,_ looked up at me all perplexed, her eyes squinted. It was a random thought, and I didn't mean to say it as loud as I did, but whatever, I was nervous.

We were standing at the sidelines waiting for Professor Grady to usher the graduating class of twenty-eleven on to Ryan Field, and all of my family and friends were out there in the bleachers. Each one of them brought a congratulatory sign for me and I could sense embarrassment in my near future.

Maybe their faces will be lost in the crowd...one could hope.

"What's wrong with purple?" Karen asked, readjusting her glasses by pushing them up from her nose. "I think it's a sophisticated color. Prestigious even."

I shrugged. "It just reminds me of someone."

She asked me who that someone was, but I ignored her and refocused my attention back to the stage. The pompous Dean of the University was standing under the canopy, making a small speech and congratulating the graduates on their success.

_Blah, fucking blah._

I rolled my eyes, unimpressed by the bullshit profusely coming out of that man's mouth. He was an idiot, and what's worse, he wasn't even trying to hide it.

The only thing semi-exciting about today was that Stephen Colbert, NU alum, was going to be our guest speaker. It was a big deal to the college, it being the 153rd graduation ceremony, and the fact that the guy was famous. His political satire show was almost as big as Jon Stewart—maybe bigger. It depended on who you asked.

So...I guess, in a way, it was something to look forward to.

_Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me? When did I become so cynical?_

It was my graduation day. I was supposed to be in a great fucking mood, right? The excitement of being done with school, and having all these hopes and dreams of my bright future lay ahead of me… _right_?

Unfortunately, it was the exact opposite and I found that smiling these days was a chore. In fact, the last time I was genuinely happy about  _anything_ was probably five months ago. Since then, I've been in this robotic and zombie-like state.

My acting skills did get put to the test from time to time. Often, I would pretend to be happy around my parents, Jasper, and whoever was in the room. Even Emmett had fallen victim to my show-smile, but he wasn't fooled by my shit. He knew me all too well, but he also understood that I was trying to live with this agonizing and debilitating pain. Every single day was a struggle for me, and I think that's why he tolerated my emo as much as he did. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure he would've had me committed to an institution.

"Without further ado, I would like to present to you the graduating class of Northwestern University twenty-eleven."

That was our cue and we stomped out into the football field like cattle, lining up before the audience. The sun blinded me briefly, and I glanced up into the stands, looking for some familiar faces. I managed to catch a glimpse of my mom jumping up and down with a huge smile, and I felt the corners of my own mouth twitch in response. The one face I searched for, hoped with all hope that she would make an appearance, was obscured in a sea of people. The smile that was so close to forming took a downward dive and I frowned all the way to my chair.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

"Thanks to you, the class of twenty-eleven. You are what some have called the greatest generation, not many but some, so far just me. I'm counting on you to not make me look like an idiot by saying it," Colbert said, getting many laughs from the crowd. "So be great, no pressure."

Well, I had to admit, the guy was pretty funny. He got a few chuckles out of me, and I was a moody bastard.

The pounding in my head increased as the sun beat down on the back of my neck. I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the beads of sweat rolling down my forehead. The heavy gown was only making matters worse, suffocating me in its fabric and I was practically smoldering in my seat.

Cameras were positioned around the field, getting multiple views, and projecting it back to big screen on the scoreboard. They were showing the live footage of Stephen Colbert on stage and occasionally panning to the audience to focus on the student's faces, catching the various reactions. Every time the camera would swivel and pan to my row, I cringed.

Thankfully, I was in the middle of the crowd and my face was never shown. It was the unlucky bastards who sat on the front and outer sides of the aisle that the camera zoomed in on.

The commencement speech lasted for twenty minutes and afterwards the ceremony went fairly quickly. Before I knew it, my name was being called.

"Edward R. Cullen."

Taking a deep breath, hoping to calm my nerves, I stood up and forced a smile on my face. It came out as a grimace, and as I walked up to the stage, I caught a glimpse of myself on the screen.

_Jesus, what a brooding looking asshole…_

The dean, Stephen Colbert, and all of the professors were lined up and greeted me with a slight nod of their heads.

"Congratulations, Mr. Cullen," the dean said, handing me my diploma.

I shook his hand. "Thank you, sir."

The cheers were loud and thunderous, and looked out at the twenty thousand plus people who were standing up in their seats. I held my diploma over my head and moved my tassel over to the left. The feeling of accomplishment washed over me, and as the applause boomed on my behalf, I continued to stare into the crowd searching through a blur of faces, trying in vain to find  _her_ …

I left the stage with my head hung and my hopes dashed.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you," my mom said, grabbing the sides of my face and brought my head down to her level, kissing me on the cheek.

Embarrassed by her display of affection, I pulled away. "Thanks, mom." I glanced over her head, scanning the packed field. "Where's everybody else?"

My mom was the first one to ambush me in the middle of the football field. She wedged her way between thousands of people, wanting to hug her eldest boy. It shocked me that she was able to find me in all of this chaos.

As far as I knew, my dad and the boys were here, and Jasper and Emmett showed up, bringing their girlfriends along. I asked my parents to keep the guest list small. In fact, I didn't want any of my grandparents here or my aunts and uncles. All I cared about was my close friends and family…and someone else…someone who I wanted here more than anybody.

"Oh, they're coming," my mom answered offhandedly. She hooked her arm in mine and started to lead me off the fifty-yard line.

"So, did you like the ceremony?" I asked for no reason in particular, other than to keep her talking.

"I thought it was great, and you looked so handsome up there, honey," she said, her eyes gleaming with pride.

"Really?" I scoffed, remembering how miserable I was. "You don't think I looked all disgruntled?"

"Well, yeah, you did, but that's how you look these days, sweetie. You've had that sour face for months now, but that doesn't mean you're not handsome…" she paused studying my face. "On second thought, perhaps you should smile more."

I shook my head, wanting to laugh, but cleared my throat instead. "So, I take it that my little act wasn't very convincing."

"What act?" she asked, furrowing her brows.

"You know, the…" I said, slightly distracted by the twins fighting and wiggling their way out of my dad's grasp. "Never mind."

Breaking free, they came running at me full speed and hollering, " _Edward_!"

I got down to my knees and opened my arms to them. They both stopped a couple feet from me and frowned.

"What's up, guys? What's wrong?" I asked, confused by their hesitancy.

"You look sad," Masen answered.

"Are you not happy to see us?" Anthony asked.

I glanced up at my mom and she gave me a sympathetic shrug. That's when it hit me—like really fucking hit me. My mom didn't know what I was referring to by my act because I wasn't fooling anybody. I mean, if my five year old brothers could sense something was wrong with me, it just meant that the older and more wiser folk weren't buying it either. In fact, they were the ones who were acting. They all pretended that they didn't notice my sadness, when in truth it was blatantly obvious.

I forced out a convincing smile, one that I knew didnt come out as a grimace or wince. This one was for my brothers. And maybe one day I'll be able to give them a true and sincere smile.

"Of course I'm happy to see you guys. You're my boys. Now come give your older brother a hug," I demanded.

Believing my words, they grinned and closed the distance between us. They wrapped their arms around my neck tightly, nearly choking the life out of me. I hugged them back with just as much force—if not stronger.

"I love you, guys," I said.

"We love you, too," they replied in perfect unison.

My parents watched us with a semi-sad expression, and I wished I could get my shit together. They didn't deserve the part of me that I was giving them. It wasn't fair that all my happiness was wrapped up in Bella…a woman who never even wanted me.

I pulled away from the boys, brushing back the blond strays of hairs off their forehead.

They needed a haircut.

"Hey, who wants pizza?" I asked.

The twins' eyes widened and they nodded their head, grabbing my hands and pulling me upward.

"I want pizza! I want a pizza with pineapple!" Anthony rattled off excitedly.

"I want a cheese pizza and breadsticks!" Masen added. "And, and, I want marinara sauce, too!"

"Come on, boys," my mom said, reaching out for their hands. "Let's see if we can beat daddy and Edward to the pizza place."

"Oh, daddy and Edward are gonna be eating our dust, mom," Masen said, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Yeah," Anthony agreed.

As they went running off to the parking lot, I could see Jasper and Emmett standing in the bleachers. They were holding up their signs, managing to not only congratulate me but taunt me, as well. That takes talent.

I chuckled, rolling my eyes at the fuckers. "Nice."

"Son," my dad said, catching my attention.

"Hey," I said, giving him a stiff nod in return.

"I wanted to hang back and talk to you for a minute."

"I kind of figured that," I said, watching my friends leave without coming up and saying hello. Apparently, my dad had spread word that he needed sometime alone with his prodigal son.

No wonder my mom rushed from the stands when she did.

"So, what's up?" I asked.

We stopped and stood in the middle of the track on the field. The people around us were dispersing and the clean-up crew was starting to gather the chairs. Even the stage was beginning to be taken down. By the west end of the field, I noticed that Stephen Colbert was still around taking pictures. Talk about dedication.

"What time is your flight?" he asked.

"It's not until seven tonight, why?"

He better not be trying to talking me out of going. My mind was made up—more so than it's ever been.

"I'm not going to persuade you into staying if that's what you're thinking," he said.

I chuckled at his mind reading skills. "No, of course not, dad, why would you?"

"Believe it not, but I've been preparing myself for this for awhile now. So has your mother. We know that it's the best thing for you. We just hope that it makes you happy."

"But," I said, knowing that there was one.

"No, there's no buts, son," he said, patting me on the back.

This talk of his was confusing me, I had no idea where he was going with it, but I sensed there was something he wanted to say. For the first time ever, he wasn't being forthcoming with me and that made me a little nervous.

The gauntlet was going to fall.

"So, what is it, dad? You've kept me behind to talk to me, but you haven't really said what's on your mind. You're kind of beating around the bush," I said, hoping to coax him into spilling it.

It worked…sort of. He hesitated for a moment and sighed heavily, having the weight of the world being pulled off his shoulders.

"You can't keep running away, son."

There it was…I fucking knew it.

"I'm running towards something, dad, not away."

Neither of us was convinced. We both knew otherwise.

"You know, I don't like to get involved in your personal relationships."

"I know."

"But I can't bear to see you this way, son."

"Dad," I groaned, feeling the headache reemerge and pulsating behind my eyes, "I'm trying to move past it."

"Are you?" There was skepticism in his voice.

It was a simple and straight to the point question, and it summed up my state of mind over the last five months. Was I trying to move on from Bella or was I simply waiting her out?

I knew the answer even before I said it.

"I told her that I wouldn't."

He narrowed his eyes at me, quite taken back by my response. "So, what's the plan, Edward?"

"There is no plan, dad," I replied, shrugging my shoulders in defeat.

He reached out and gripped my shoulder, tightly but comforting me in a way. He smiled slightly, filled with such sadness. "I just want to know—"

"Hey, graduate!" a loud and cheerful voice cut him off.

We instantly turned our heads to the sound and saw Angela speed walking up to us. It took me a second to register what was going on…I mean, was it a mirage or was she really here?

The last time I saw her was new years eve and she's changed so much since then. She was fuller figure, her hair was shorter and a golden blond hue. In all truthfulness, I didn't recognize her.

"Hey..." I said, tilting my head to the side.

She threw her arms around me and pulled me into a fierce hug. "Congratulations!"

Still stunned, I glanced up at my dad, who was as equally as confused.

"Angela?" I asked, taking a step back and to take a better look at her. "Is that you?"

"The one and only." She smiled. "Did you miss me?"

"Holy shit," I stammered. "I can't believe you're here. That you actually came."

She cocked her head to the side, giving me a look that resembled Bella and I felt the air get knocked out of me.

She didn't notice.

"Of course I came. Why wouldn't I, huh?" she asked. "You're my friend. I had to come and support you."

"I just..." I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I noticed my dad off to the side, his eyebrow quirked, waiting for an introduction. "Shit, where are my manners? Angela this is my dad, Carlisle."

"Hi-ya, pops," Angela said with a grin and boisterously shook his hand.

"Dad, this is Angela…" I hesitated, swallowing my nerves, "Bella's younger sister."

His eyes widened slightly at the name, but he recovered quickly and put his game face on. "It's nice to meet you, Angela. Are you coming to the graduation party?"

"Yes, I am definitely there," she said, glancing over at me and winking.

I chuckled at her antics. She was a lot to digest and I could see my dad getting exhausted by the energy she exuded.

"Great, I'll see you both there then," he said, nodding his head and taking a few steps back, sensing that I needed some alone time with Angela now. "I'm going to go wait by your car, son."

"Alright, dad, I'll be there in a minute," I told him, reaching into my pocket and handing him my keys.

"No rush, son," he replied, giving a slight wave as he walked off towards the parking lot.

I turned to Angela, still in awe of her presence, not quite believing that she was real. "Shit, it's so great to see you. You have no idea. How did you know?"

"Emmett called and invited me," she answered, waving her hand at me dismissively.

"Of course he did," I said, knowing full well that he was always sticking his nose in where it didnt belong. A thought occurred to me then, and I searched the people around us, wondering how far Emmett's meddling went.

"Is she..." I trailed off, hope seeping into my voice.

"No," Angela said, shaking her head sadly. "She's not here."

How many times was I going to torture myself? I knew she wasn't going to be here, but still, like a compulsive tick, I couldn't stop looking for her.

My shoulders slumped and I nodded, severely disappointed. "I figured she wouldn't be...So, I take it that you guys are talking again?"

"Yeah, we are, and I gotta say, our relationship is so much better than it's ever been."

"Bullshit," I blurted out, ecstatic by the possibility.

"No, it's true. She came to my house a few months back, sat down and apologized to me about Aro, and well, basically everything. She told me how much she loved me, and explained why she did what she did. She admitted that she should've trusted me in the first place, and should've had more faith in me that I would make the right decisions.  _Obviously_ , now, being away from Aro, I'm really thankful for the fact that she did step in. It was really..." Angela glanced away and chuckled with embarrassment, trying to disguise how touched she was. "It's been nice having the old Bella back, you know?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know how to explain it, exactly. She's just not the same hard-ass woman that she once was. It's like she's the Bella I knew before our parents died. I don't what made her change…but I'm thinking you have a lot to do with it."

"I broke up with her, Angela," I said with a bitter edge. "I'm hardly the blame for anything good."

Deep down, I felt vindicated in a way, that maybe what I did was right thing to do…but then again, it also made me feel so fucking lost. She simply had abandoned me. This new and better Bella had no cause for me in her life.

"We don't always see that good fortune for our deeds right away, Edward," Angela said somberly, regaining my attention.

The look in her eyes, the deep brown, just like her sister's, was trying to tell me something. I'm not sure what that  _something_  was. The secretive and cryptic shit was lost on me these days.

"Yeah, we'll see," I said, trying hard not to roll my eyes, but her fortune cookie advice was a little too optimistic for a pessimistic asshole like me. "Regardless of what happens, I am just happy to know that things are getting better for her-and you. That's all I really wanted anyway."

"Liar," she scoffed, narrowing her eyes at me.

"No, no, I'm being honest," I said.

She didn't believe me—not one bit—and I'm sure my acting skills were poor, but she chose to ignore the sadness behind my voice…like most of the people have in my life chose to do. It was easier to entertain my delusions than to poke holes in my story and watch me crumble to pieces.

Yes, denial was far better than the latter.

"Anyways," I said, shaking off those dark thoughts, "how are you?"

"I'm great," she said with a shy smile. "I've got a new Dom."

"Really?" I asked as my eyes widened with surprise.

"Yeah, he's here, actually..."

"No shit? Where is he?" I asked, looking around me now, spying everyone's face.

There was a big dude with a black leather coat off to my right and considering all the other people out her, I knew that it had to be him. There was no one else.

"He's right there," She said, grabbing a hold of my chin and redirecting my gaze at a man standing behind me. He was off by himself, leaning awkwardly against the bleachers. "His name is Ben Cheney."

"That  _guy_?" I asked, highly skeptical. "Are you serious?"

He was a small guy, medium in stature and had this nerd-like quality. He was dressed in brown slacks and a light blue shirt. He wore these thin wire glasses, which he kept pushing up the bridge of his nose with his middle finger. Hell, I wouldn't be all that surprised to see him sporting a pocket protector.

"Yeah, I know, he doesn't look like much, but—"

"Ang, he looks like he writes  _Star_   _Wars_ fanfiction." I nodded my head over at him, indicating that I've acknowledged his presence and he waved back, almost bashfully in return. I turned back to her, confused as fuck. "Seriously, Angela?  _That_  guy?"

She sighed rather wistfully as she stared at him, her face filled with devotion. "I know it's crazy, right? I mean, he looks like a dork, and that's exactly what I thought when I first met him, but...Oh, my God, Edward…He's so much more behind closed doors. He's domineering, yet gentle. He has this commanding aura about him, and anytime he's near, I just want to fall to my knees and submit before him. I can't explain it."

"That's quite alright. I don't need details—trust me," I chided, swearing to God that I would stab my ear drums with a knife if she continued.

"That's Right," she said. "I keep forgetting that you're such a prude."

"I'm not a prude, I just don't need to hear about your sex life," I corrected.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She laughed.

I stood there for a moment just watching her and assessing her relaxed demeanor. The way she smiled whenever she talked about her Dom was remarkable. Inspiring. I knew that she finally found her happily ever after.

"You look happy, Ang."

"I am," she said, her eyes appraising me now. She frowned for the first time since she's been here. Now, that can't be good. "But you're not."

"I'm..." I paused, thinking of the right word to ease her worries without lying to her outright, "...I'm taking it day by day."

"She's suffering, too, you know."

"What?" I stammered. "But…you…you just told me that she was happy."

"I never said that, Edward. I just told you that she was back to the old Bella. That doesn't mean that she's happy."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, taking a step back from her, suddenly feeling suffocated and claustrophobic. As if the air was being ripped from my lungs.

"Why not? I think you should know," she said unapologetically, her face took on a somber quality without a single trace of wrinkle or crease.

"What's the point of me knowing that? It just makes it harder for me to..." I couldn't finish that sentence. It would've just been a lie.

Move on? That was never an option for me.

"I'm sorry; I just don't want you thinking that…I don't know. I don't want you thinking that it's just one-sided."

Did she really just say one-sided? My relationship with Bella has always been one-sided. What difference did that make? And even if what she says was true, that Bella and I were on equal footing now, all it truly meant was that we were just two sad people, hurting and living in misery because we couldn't make it work. How was that going to help me get through today and the next?

Unless…I was missing the point in what was she really trying to make to me? Was Angela telling me that there was silver lining, a spark of light at the end of the dark tunnel? And if so, was she hinting to me about Bella's frame of mind? Maybe, a very slight maybe, there might be hope for us after all.

Fuck it, I am going to throw my heart out there one last time.

"Look, Angela, my plane takes off for Phoenix tonight at seven o'clock. Can you let your sister know that?"

"Wait, what, you're leaving? Why? How long will you be gone?" she asked, shocked.

"Depends on the interview...but if all goes well, I'm going to be moving there."

"Why do you want me to tell Bella that? If there's a chance you'll move there permanently...I just...I just don't see the point."

"Because she's the only one that can make me stay," I told her truthfully. I took her hands in mine and practically pleaded her. "Will you let her know that? Please. It's all I ask."

"Yeah...but, Edward, there's something you gotta know about—"

"Just give her this, okay," I interrupted, pulling out a piece of paper from my wallet and shoving it into her hand. It had my flight information on it. She seemed a little hesitant, shaking her head at me. "As your graduation gift to me?  _Please."_

She nodded slowly, seeing the desperation in my eyes. " _Fine_ , Edward, okay? I will do this for you, but honestly, I don't think—"

"Thanks, Ang," I cut her off mid-sentence, afraid that it might lead me into another downward spiral of depression. "I owe you...more than you'll ever know."

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Trust me, Edward, we're even."

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

My party was a bust, and quite honestly, I wasn't even there for it mentally. My mind was ahead and at this very moment in time at the airport. It took me a few hours to weasel my way out of the pizzeria and make my way home. My bags were already packed and sitting by the front door. It took me less than a second to gather them.

My mom was the worse of the bunch and she didnt want me to leave. She clutched onto my shirt for dear life and cried into my chest, for what seemed like hours. It was sad really, and I hated having to leave her that way, but I had to get to the airport. My flight was at seven and I wanted to get there at least two hours beforehand. The whole process of checking in was unpredictable, and I didn't want to be rushed...

But above all else, I wanted to be there if Bella showed up. I didn't want to miss her.

So, like an idiot, I'd been at the airport in one of those plastic seats since five forty five, scoping out the crowd. But as each person that passed me, none of them ever being Bella, I fell deeper and deeper into a black abyss of depression.

She wasn't going to show, and my flight was ten minutes from take-off now. Time was quickly running out...

The window was closing.

Foolishly, I believed that Bella would come up to the airport and tell me how much she loved me. But of course, like most things concerning Bella these days, it was just another fruitless fantasy.

Shit, why didn't I see it? It was clearly displayed all over Angela's face when I asked her to deliver the message. She pitied me because she already knew what I refused to accept.

My relationship with my Mistress was over.

It's been over for quite some time now, I just couldn't—or wouldn't—see it then.

That's it. There's nothing left for me in Chicago anymore and I had no reason to stay.

"Sir, we're boarding," the flight attendant said, tapping me on my shoulder.

I rubbed my eyes with my fists, feeling that stupid emotion rising to the surface. It was a break that I'd been so determined to keep at bay, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Yeah, okay," I said with a grunt, reaching down to grab my carry-on.

Turning away from the terminal and the people who walked through, I was finally letting go of my past and boarding the plane that was headed for my future.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

"I must say, Edward, your portfolio is very impressive," Mack Curtis said, leaning back in his black leather chair. It rocked back and forth against his weight, and I stared at him for a minute, hypnotized by the motion.

"Well," he hedged when I didn't respond right away to his compliment.

"Thanks, Mack," I said, genuinely grateful that he was giving me this opportunity. It was a huge step into the architectural world, and I was, well, I was fucking lucky to be sitting there. "I mean, for seeing me and actually giving me the chance."

"You're talented, Edward. Any fool can see that," he paused, eyeing me for a long minute, measuring me up. He leaned forward and waved me over to him, creating some sort of huddle. He lowered his voice and addressed me in conspiratory tone. "You know that I'm taking a gamble on you, right?"

I gulped, suddenly uneasy about my future with this firm. "I do."

"Most of my colleagues think I'm insane for hiring a kid straight out of college, but I've got a good feeling about you. I've always have. And your drawings and designs that you've shown me are fucking brilliant. It's something I'd never seen before. It's revolutionary."

I stared at him, not sure what to say to that. He was one of the top men in architecture, and he'd just given me the highest of all compliments. I was floored.

"Um, thank you."

He pointed his finger at me. "You're a hard worker, kid. I can see the eagerness in your eyes."

Eagerness? It was more like desperation. Hell, what's the difference?

"I'm willing to give this job a hundred and ten percent. Whatever it takes, I'm your guy," I said.

He smiled, nodding in assent. "That's what I'm counting on, Edward. So, what do you think about working with us? Can start by next Monday?"

"Definitely," I answered, maybe a little too eagerly.

"Great," he said, slamming his hand down on the large conference table. "I'll have Tina in HR go over all of the forms and you're annual salary with you. How's that sound? Sound good?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you for everything, Mack. You have no idea how much this means to me."

We both stood up and shook hands. He patted me on the back and the force of it pushed me forward. Thankfully we were already walking towards the door; otherwise, I may have fallen over. The shock of getting my first job was fucking with my equilibrium.

"Hey, don't mention it. You just show me and all these other idiots what you got, alright?"

"That's a deal."

"Okay, buddy, we'll see you next Monday." He gave me thumbs up and walked out of the office.

For the next forty-five minutes I sat with Tina in HR and did all of my paperwork. The W-2 forms took the longest and she literally had to walk me through the first one. Luckily, I was a quick learner and didn't need her help past that. By the time I was done, though, it was already one in the afternoon and I was fucking starving.

I'd been in Phoenix for two days now and I've enjoyed every aspect of it. The term 'dry heat' was hard for me to fully comprehend, but feeling it firsthand, I gotta say, it was fucking fantastic. Even in triple digit temperatures, it was still better than Chicago. That was for damn sure.

Exiting the elevator my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and chuckled when I saw who was calling. The guy had a sixth sense or something. His fucking timing was impeccable.

My life was slowly coming back together and I needed to tell someone about it.

"Hey, Emmett, I was just about to call you. Guess what, dude? I got the job."

"Yeah? That's great, man…so, uh, I guess you're moving there then, huh?" he asked.

"It looks that way. Otherwise the commute would be a bitch."

He didn't laugh at my joke, albeit lame, but still Emmett always came back with something. Instead I was met with his silence and I knew right then that something was wrong.

"Is everything alright, man?" I asked.

"Yeah, everything is…" He let out a heavy and stressed sigh. "Bella just called me."

I skidded to a stop in the middle of the lounge upon hearing her name. The guy who was walking very closely behind had slammed into me. He cursed a slew of profanities, yelling and flipping me off as he pushed me aside. None of this fazed me and I stayed completely immobilized. Lost in a trance, my mind overwhelmed with thoughts of Bella.

"What?" I croaked out. "She…she called you? Why would she call you?"

"I don't know."

"Well, what did you guys talk about? What did she say?"

"We didn't talk about much. Mostly she wanted to know where you were."

"What?" I was frantic now, unable to get a strand of coherent thoughts together. The stuttering was making me sound like a broken record. "What? Why would she ask you that? Why didn't she call me? What...what did you tell her?"

Questions of why she would call my best friend and not me were plaguing me now.

So many doubts among a one sliver of hope…

"Well, I told her the truth, man. I said that you moved to Arizona..."

"Jesus, Em, I'm not moving here, why would you fucking say that to her?" I yelled.

"What? You just said you were moving there, jackass!" he yelled back.

"Well, I didn't fucking mean it!" I was chewing on my tongue, so frustrated with the turn of events and longing to hear Bella's voice.

"You meant it and you know, but none of that even matters, douche," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"It turns out that's not what she actually wanted to know. In fact, she already knew you were in Arizona."

_Angela…she made good with her word._

"And?" I said, sensing there was more to this story.

"And well, she wanted to know where,  _exactly_ , you were in Phoenix. So, I just gave her the address," he said and I couldn't literally see him shrugging his massive shoulders.

"Huh? That's...so, you just gave her my address? Just like that?"

"Yeah, I did. I didn't think you would mind…not in the long run, anyway."

"What address did you give her, Em?"

"Um, I think…" he hesitated and I could hear paper shuffling in the background.

I was fucking irritated at this point. What was he trying to do to me?

"Emmett," I said in a gentle tone, keeping my frustrations at bay, "Did you give her the address to my hotel or did you give her…" My sentenced trailed off as my breathing ceased as my heart pounded hard against by chest.

Bella was standing outside in the scorching summer heat, her hair down in waves, much longer in length now. She was wearing shorts that showed off her slender legs and a tank top. The sun had golden up her skin—Almost as if she been under their rays for months. She was fucking breathtaking. I was overwhelmed with this feeling of elation by her sudden reemergence into my life.

Her eyes were steadily trained on me, keeping my legs frozen and my feet glued to the floor. I gulped loudly and nervously, feeling the world of my past come colliding with my future.

Fuck me; she was still beautiful beyond words…

"Never mind, Em," I mumbled into my phone, my hand sliding from my ear and dropping to my side, "She's here."


	46. Desire The Fire

**Chapter Forty-Five**

**~Desire the Fire~**

 

' _ **Those who are the hardest to love need it the most.'**_

_**-Socrates** _ **...** _**ancient douche-** _

There were no words to describe the shock of seeing her after five months of her absence. Even if I'd wanted to gaze upon a picture of her, I'd quickly found out that I didn't have one. In a way, it was like she never existed. Which, thinking back was probably best for my sanity…but now, here in the flesh, all bets were off.

Isabella Swan was real.

Feelings of love, hatred, happiness, relief, and anxiety bombarded me, hitting me full force and turning my brain into mush. It delayed my reaction time and I wasn't as prepared for her as I wanted to be.

I stood there in a daze just gaping at her. It was hard to process that a mere glass door was the only thing separating us now...it was flimsy, so breakable, and highly penetrable.

God only knows how many times I fucking thought about this exact moment and how I'd planned my words so precisely. Hell, even my damn facial expressions were meticulously calculated.

However, none of that meant shit now. Everything was crumbling before my eyes, turning a sturdy built wall into wasted rubble.

_Well, fuck it. Here goes nothing._

Slow and steady, I made my way out to her just as she crossed the small courtyard, meeting me in the middle. We stood at least three feet from each other, creating this invisible barrier that neither of us wanted to cross.

_Here she is..._

In that moment, when her eyes met my own, I'd forgiven her. Even before she had a chance to open her mouth to say anything, I was hers.

 _Yeah_ , I was that fucking easy.

"Hello, Edward," she said in a formal tone, instantly reminding of the first time we met at in the school hallway.

"Bella." I gave her a stiff nod, keeping my reply quipped and terse.

The air between us was thick and uncomfortable. My heart was racing a mile a minute, pounding against by chest, giving me a sense of lightheadedness. The sweat was dripping from my brow, running down my face. The sun shining from above, suddenly, was too bright…

_Relax, Cullen._

Outwardly, I was putting on a good show, looking calm and unfazed by her—at least, that's what I hoped—but inside, I was fucking panicked. I didn't trust my heart to keep myself in check. The pull that this woman had over me was only getting stronger. And when the wind picked up, blowing her hair around and engulfing me with that intoxicating scent, it nearly became unbearable.

"You look…" she paused and pursed her lips together, her mind working overtime and searched for the right words. Obviously thinking of ways to censor her thoughts. "You look really nice in a suit."

Glancing down at my navy blue suit by some obnoxious designer, I shot my gaze back up at her, slightly confused. I didn't know how to respond. It was an empty compliment, something to break the tension between us, that I was sure of, but it was inconsequential gesture. It was a diversion tactic, a way of avoiding the explanation of why she was really there.

"Thanks," I said, shrugging. "I had a job interview today."

"Really?" Her eyes widened with surprise and she reached out to touch me, only to change her mind a fraction of a second later. It dropped to her side and smiled weakly instead."That's so great, Edward. How did you do? Do you think you got it?"

I wanted to tell Bella that I got the job, and how fucking excited I was. I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her soft lips. I wanted to confess my undying love to her, and tell her how the last few months were miserable without her. How much I wanted to be with her, marry her, and to have fucking kids with her. All of this was aching to come out of me, but I couldn't. And I wouldn't.

Because confessing all of those inner thoughts would be a huge fucking mistake on my part. How could I show her all of my cards without her even offering me a small peek at hers?

So far, all she's done was compliment me on my fucking suit. Hardly reason enough to bleed my soul to her.

No, I had to play it cool…act aloof.

Readjusting and widening my stance, I crossed my arms over my chest and cut to the chase. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay…" I said, suddenly suspicious of her motives, " _and_ you came all the way to Arizona to do that? What did you have some frequent miles saved up?"

I was still quite bitter.

All I kept thinking about was my graduation and the airport and how she was a no show to both. How each time it fucking broke me into a million fragments not to see her there.

"No, I just..." she started to say, pausing briefly and glancing away from my stare.

It was the break I needed, and I capitalized on the opportunity to fully take her in. My eyes roamed hungrily over her body, noting how the sun had highlighted the red hues in her hair or how her flushed face was a glorious rosy pink shade—most likely caused by the scorching Arizona heat. It made her look less hard…soft even. The freckles on her shoulders were catalogued, as well. Those brown little dots, a road map of sorts, were my newest obsession now…Something else to fantasize about.

When she looked back up at me, I quickly diverted my gaze and erased all emotion from my face.

"Would you like to go somewhere to talk, somewhere quiet, maybe grab some lunch? It's kind of hot out here," she said, raising her hand over her forehead to block out the bright rays.

"Okay, sure, sounds good." I nodded, pulling out my car keys. "I know just the place."

As I walked passed her, our shoulders brushed up against one another, and like a chemical catalyst, it reignited that old fire within me. It raged, it soared, and it engulfed every fiber of my being.

I pretended not to notice.

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

We went to the Pink Pony Steakhouse in old town Scottsdale. It was fairly close to Mack's firm, and I'd overheard some people talking about it while Tina showed me around. They were saying how they had the best steaks in town, juicy and succulent. Needless to fucking say, I'd been salivating over it for the past two hours.

When we got there, I noticed there was a ton of baseball memorabilia throughout the restaurant, even a large banner with Chicago Cubs hung proudly on the wall. It was kismet. It reminded me of home. I knew right then that I'd chosen the right place.

Bella sat across from me in a large U-shaped booth, looking through the pink colored menu as I stared at her, wondering what the hell she was thinking. Why was she was there...after all this time.

Why now?

Why Arizona?

I waited patiently for our waitress to take our food order before I pounced. It took all I had not to pepper her with questions the moment we sat down, but I kept reminding myself to play it cool.

_Do not act like a fucking spaz._ _**Do not** _ _act like a fucking spaz._

" _So_ ," I started, "we're out of the heat, do you wanna tell me why you're here?"

"You know why I'm here, Edward," she answered annoyed, keeping her gaze off mine.

"Do I?" I asked, quirking a single eyebrow at her, stunned and baffled by the audacity.

"You're  _actually_  going to make me say it again?" She chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"Say what, Bella?" I snapped angrily. "You haven't said anything."

Her lack of disinterest in the conversation irritated the fuck out of me. Why did she even bother bringing me here if she wasn't going to be forthcoming?

"I thought it was pretty obvious, Edward." She sat back in the booth causally, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why rehash everything?"

My heart sank as I studied the coldness in her face. The way she continued to dick around with me and for what? For fun? Was it for a sadistic fetish sport?

Whatever the reason, I was done with all of her games.

_Great, now I've lost my fucking appetite._

"It's the same shit with you, isn't it?" I sighed, shaking my head at her disappointedly.

"I'm sorry?" she asked, taken back by my bluntness.

"Nothing has changed."

Finally after months and months of denial, I'd conceded to the realization that she wasn't going to give her all to me. She was incapable of such a love. And as much as I wanted to be with her, I couldn't put myself through the pain and uncertainty that a relationship with Bella would provide. Even though being apart from her was pure agony, I knew what it entailed. It was the only thing I was sure about...she on the other hand; my doubts with her were solidifying.

I rose from my seat and threw my napkin down.

"You're leaving?" she asked, actually fucking surprised.

Did she  _really_  think that this was going well?

"Lunch is on me," I said, reaching into my wallet and pulled out some money. I slammed it down on the table, giving her one last fleeting glance. "Take care of yourself, Bella."

She grabbed my wrist in a panic, stopping me in my tracks. "Wait, Edward."

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, ignoring the way electricity pulsated between us every time she touched me. "What is it?"

"Don't go."

I laughed dryly, refusing to even look at her. My focus was on the front entrance, out through door, and to my car, as far away from her as humanly possible. "Why? What's the point?"

"Because…because I love you," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

Long ago that would've kept me there, but now...

"It's just good enough," I said, yanking my wrist free.

Time stopped in that moment as I watched her hand slip down my arm and limply to her side in the booth. The weight of my words dawned on her, leaving her dazed and speechless. She knew as well as I did that we were over...and there was no promise for reconciliation in the future.

That was a final goodbye.

 _Happy fucking birthday to me,_ I thought sarcastically.

As I walked out of the building, my pace picking up speed as I neared the door, I felt this sense of emptiness wash over me. The desire for that raging fire was fizzling out, leaving my soul in complete darkness. I'll be fumbling blindly in this new life of mine for quite some time, and it'll take years to get over her, but eventually in time, I _will_ move on.

Exiting the restaurant, the water misters on the front porch hit me in the face, cooling me down. The anger and hurt towards Bella was still circulating in my veins, making my core temp increase…one degree, possibly four degrees higher.

"Edward, hold on," Bella called after me. "Will you please just wait?"

_Keep walking, Cullen._

I was inches away from my escape out of this hellish nightmare when she caught up with me.

"I'm stupid," she shouted after me.

It was such a random thing to hear from her and it brought me up short. I swung around to face her, confusion displayed across my face.

"What?"

Bella's eyes were wild and frantic. She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling and tugging at its strands, instantly reminding me of...well,  _me_.

Everything about her now was slightly unkempt as her life spun wildly out of control.

"I had this whole speech for you and—"

"Wait...you prepared a speech for me?" I interrupted, my eyes blinking rapidly as I tried to comprehend her blatant, and somewhat embarrassing, honesty.

"I did," she said, reaching into her back pocket and pulling out a folded piece of paper. "See? But I fucked it all up."

She was a God damn mess. A beautiful, yet tragic, hot mess. This side of her made me take pause, entrapping me and sucking me back into her twisted web.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Why was she doing this to me? Just when I'd lost all fucking hope for our relationship, she comes up with this shit? Chasing after me and producing a God damned speech. I was  _so_  fucking close to finally being done with her... _so_  close. But now? What did she expect me to do? Forgive and forget?

 _No!_  I decided.

"Bella, I can't do this," I groaned, pulling out my car keys and taking a step off the curb. "Not anymore."

She saw the resolve in my eyes and freaked out, stumbling over her feet to get to me. Her arms were outstretched and a look of sheer desperation marred her once stoic features. And then suddenly, sensing her time was up, everything that she ever planned to say to me came flooding out of her in a rushed and chaotic flow.

"You were right to break up with me, Edward. I didnt see it then, but I do now. I understand why you did it. I do. I was closed off to you and you didn't deserve that. You deserve so much more. That's' why I came here, but when I saw you…When I saw how beautiful and perfect you were, I couldn't think. I just froze up. When all I really want to do is tell you how much I love you. How much I've missed you. I'm so stupid. I'm sorry. I messed everything up. I feel so lost without you and I don't know why I do the things I do—"

"Whoa, whoa, Bella, slow down," I said, taking a step back on the curb with my hands held up, trying to fucking calm her.

She was panicked, and had been talking so fast and so loud, and as much as I tried to follow her, it all came out as one big jumbled mess. However, her intend was clear.

"Breathe." I coached her by breathing in and out.

She followed my command, taking deep lungful of air and blew it out slowly. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Just don't leave me again, okay?  _Please_."

Unlocking the car, making a loud beep as it echoed over the uncomfortable silence, I walked around and opened the passenger side door. I nodded her over.

"Get in."

She didn't hesitate and quickly got in. We sat there in silence as the engine hummed, and I cranked up the AC on full blast. Even with a windshield visor the hundred and ten degree heat made the inside of my car feel like a fucking broiler oven. It took a moment for the cool air to make an impact.

Glancing over at Bella, I noticed the dampness of her cheeks and the hiccups that were escaping her every few seconds. What I hadn't realized when she was bleeding her out to me was that she was crying. What I misconstrued as sweat was actually tears. The fact that she was so wrecked by the thought of me leaving her fucking killed me. I never wanted to be the cause of her tears—no matter how just my reasons were.

This needed to end, this hurt we both put each other through, and it needed to end now.

"Are we going keep doing this to each other?" I asked, reaching out and wiping the moisture underneath left eye with my thumb. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry." She sniffed. "I just want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too…so fucking much."

Her breath caught, and she looked over at me, a hint of a smile on tugging on the corners of her mouth."You do?"

"I've always wanted to be with you, Bella, that's never going to change...but those fears I had concerning us five months ago, they still exist. They didn't go away."

The indecision, the panic attacks, her incapability of admitting that she loved me. Even those little mind tricks and lies deemed as punishment was something I'd worried about. If I handed over my soul to her again, what would I be getting in return?

What I wanted was her, flaws and all.

Almost as if she heard my thoughts, she grabbed a hold of my hand, covering it with hers, and placed it over her heart.

"I know they do, and I'm sorry. You were right about me. I was with you for all the wrong reasons…but now, I  _know_  that I want to be with you—and not just out of necessity, but  _need_. Like an all consuming need a person has for air. I can't breathe without you."

"And if I proposed marriage?"

Her eyes were locked on mine, allowing me access into the depths of her soul. She was still unsure of herself and the insecurities within her ran deep, but at the same time, I saw the resolution behind those chocolate browns.

"I would say yes. I want it as long as it's with you."

I smiled for the first time in months, unable to hide my fucking exultation. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So, this is it then?" I asked, reaffirming our unspoken agreement to each other. "We're doing this? No more fucking around? This is it?"

"You're it for me, Edward. No more barriers, no more lies. It's just you and me…" she paused, her face dropping slightly, and uncertainty displayed across her brow, "unless, you've moved on…have you?"

" _Baby_ ," I said, gripping her by the back of the neck and pulling her towards me, my lips hovering over hers. "I told you that I wouldn't, didn't I?"

She let out a sigh of relief, overcome with emotion now. "Yeah, you did."

"I love you."

"I love you." She palmed the sides of my face. " _So_  much."

Everything fell away after that and I kissed her. Slow and tenderly at first, relishing and enjoying the softness of her lips, but soon that need grew into something fierce and so did my kisses. The long months were a distant memory now, and I felt complete again. The happiness that was missing in my life was in my grasp, and I took it without an apology…over and over again.

"I missed you," Bella mumbled against my mouth, to which I grunted in return.

Things between us were quickly escalating and the more I kissed her, I knew that our reunion would have to be cut short. We were still in the parking lot of the Pink Pony, and I doubted my radiator could withstand triple digit temperature without overheating...but that wasn't even the biggest issue.

It'd been five fucking months since any kind of sexual release—well, except for my hand, but even that was lackluster—any touch or a slight graze over my package was giving me a hard on. Blue balls would be setting in if I didn't get her to a place with a bed.

Yes, we needed to leave… _now_.

Begrudgingly, I pulled away from her, but quite pleased when she chased after my lips.

I laughed. "As much as I want to continue to make out with you, we can't stay here."

"I know," she said, caressing the side of my cheek, her eyes boring into mine. "Can I show you something?"

"Sure, what is it?" I asked, instinctively looking around the tight confines of the car—like an idiot.

"It's not here," she said, breaking the connection further and sat back in her seat. She buckled up. "You're going to have to drive us to it."

"Alright," I said, suddenly very excited about the unknown and shifting the car into gear. "Is it the Hilton?"

"No," she said with a faint smile, grasping my hand. "It's better."

**~~88~~88~~88~~88~~**

As we drove north towards Phoenix, Bella told me about the things she did when we were apart. When I first walked out the door, she said she went into a rage, and some dishes and cups were broken and destroyed. In the after math and days following our spilt, Bella said that she was still so blinded with fury and feelings of abandonment. She refused to see my point and shut herself up in denial. But as the weeks progressed, she started to feel the absence of me, and decided to just take my advice by fixing her life.

She compiled a list of the things she needed to change, and my girl took care of herself first, making sure that Bella was the top priority.

She cleared out all those bad memories and mementos of Aro that she'd locked away in her closet. She took that box down and threw away all its contents. The pictures, on the other hand, she burned on her stove. She described how watching the past go up in flames was cathartic. It was the cleansing of her spirit. The weight of being Aro's submissive was lifted, and she was finally free of him once and for all.

It would be a few more weeks before she worked up enough courage to reconcile with her sister. There were still hurt feelings there, harsh words were said, and she didn't know where to start.

Eventually though, she told me how she went over to Angela's apartment one day and just apologized about everything, from Aro to when they were growing up without their parents. All their issues, no matter how small, was put out in the open and discussed.

After a few tears, some tight hugs, and a gallon of Ben and Jerry's, Bella finally was able to mend the relationship with her baby sister.

The list only grew from there, never dwindling, as Bella found new things to add to it.

The last thing on her list was the dungeon. She said she'd looked into some properties on the internet in and around the Chicago area, hoping to buy a place within a year's time. She had enough supplies to get her started, and all of her clients were willing to follow her. But unfortunately, by the end of March there was a tiny snag in her plan. Everything that she hoped for came crashing down.

"What happened?" I asked, turning right and headed south down Seventh Street.

"I didn't have enough money. All my funds were wrapped up in my house, and with Chicago's cost of living being so high, I couldn't afford it."

"I'm sorry," I said, reaching over and rubbing her knee.

"It doesn't matter," she said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. "I decided to do something else instead."

To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. I'm not sure why I was so adamant about her getting a dungeon, but I couldn't let it go. It was a part of her livelihood, and I wanted that for her. I needed her to be happy.

"Well, don't worry, baby, we'll think of something when we get back home to Chicago."

"Chicago?" she asked, surprised. "I thought you were moving  _here_ , Edward."

"Well, yeah, I  _was_  going to move here when I got that job today, but things change."

She gasped. "You got the job?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm not going to take it."

"What? Why not? It's your dream, Edward."

"Yeah, I know, but there's no point in taking the job and living here when you live in Chicago."

She opened her mouth to argue with me, but instead her eyes were trained back on the road ahead of us. She pointed at the windshield. "Hey, hun, you're going to want to make a left up here at the light."

" _Okay_ ," I said slowly, following her directions, but keeping a suspicious eye on her.

We traveled down this road for a few blocks before turning down this side street. It was filled with industrial buildings. Body and tire shops mostly, but all the other buildings looked like Ma and Pa businesses.

"Are we there yet," I teased.

She laughed. "Yeah, just keep going until you reach the end of this street and there's going to be this parking lot on the right. I want you to pull in there."

Doing as directed, I saw where she was leading me. It was a single story brick building painted white and somewhat resembling a house. The fairly large lot with designated parking spaces told me that it was being used for a business. The ' _Sorry, we're closed'_  sign hanging in the door should've been my first clue.

"What is this place?" I asked, pulling up front and shifting the car into park.

She reached over and unbuckled my seat belt, giving me a coy smile. "Why don't we get out and go see."

"Alright," I said, turning off the engine and following her out.

She walked up beside me and grabbed my hand. It was a simple, but poignant gesture. It was something she wouldn't have done before, unless she was dragging me somewhere. It solidified our connection.

"It's closed, Bella," I stated the obvious, nodding to the sign.

She pulled out a set of keys and jangled them in front of me. "It's open now."

"Wait…" My mind was slow to catch up, and really, it shouldn't have taken me so long to figure it out. I blame the heat and Bella. They both fogged up my head. "This place is yours?"

"It sure is," she said proudly, inserting the key and pushing the door open. "It's been mine for about a month and a half now."

I shot her a look of shock and confusion. "You've been here for almost two months? This is what I think…Is this your dungeon?"

"Come in and I'll tell you all about it," she said, tugging on my arm and trying to persuade me past the threshold.

My feet weren't budging and I stood outside, peeking my head in the door, looking around the room warily.

"Edward." She laughed. "It's not going to bite you. I promise. Come on, it's okay."

Slowly, but surely, I succumbed to her coaxing. It took me a second for my eyes to adjust to the darkened room. Bella walked around and opened a few blinds. The bright light shone in and I took in my surroundings.

It was the same set up that Bella had in Chicago. It was a meager lounge, a single black leather sofa in the corner. There wasn't a TV, but a coffee table sat in the middle of the room and stacked full of magazines. The receptionist area to my left was just a dark cherry wood office desk. It had a laptop and a cordless phone on it, but that was it.

Like I said, compared to Bella's dungeon in Chicago, this was on the lower scale and less flashy.

"What do you think?" Bella asked, nervously chewing on her bottom lip and shifting from one foot to the other.

"It's…" I searched for the perfect words to describe what I was feeling in that moment. There was so much I wanted to say, but I stuck with simplicity. "It's fucking incredible. How did this happen?"

She smiled with relief. "When I couldn't find anything in Chicago, I decided to look into other places where the rent would be cheaper and business would be good. I searched outside the city and in outer parts like Evanston on real estate websites, but there was nothing. On a whim, I decided to check out Phoenix real estate. I mean, why not, you know? It was perfect really. It's where you wanted to be and the rent here happens to be  _extremely_  cheap."

"Yeah, but how did you know I would move here?" I asked. "You couldn't have known about Mack Curtis."

"I didn't," she said. "But I  _knew_  you. I knew you would come here. So, I figured what the hell. What could it hurt by coming here and settling down? I would buy myself a property, get my business up and running, and then when I was ready to be the person you deserved, I would go up to Chicago and try to win you back."

"You were going to woo me?" I joked.

She smirked. "Yes, I was going to come  _woo_  you. Smartass."

Glancing around the room and fully taking in my surroundings, I realized that this shit was for real. Bella bought herself a dungeon. She did what I couldn't, and to top it all off, it was in  _Phoenix_. The very city I'd been wanting to move to since I graduated high school.

"You really did all this for me?" I asked in awe.

"Of course, I did, Edward. I love you. I wanted to show you that I was willing to put forth effort into our relationship. That it wasn't just about me. I would move to the moon to be with you."

Taking a broad stride across the room, I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her. It was deep and meaningful, expressing all my love and then some.

I pulled away, whispering against her mouth, love and adoration thick in my voice. "I can't believe you did all this for me."

Then out of fucking nowhere, guilt took over. I knew what this meant for Bella. She had given up her life in Chicago, moving away from her family…for  _me_.

"You didn't have to do all of this, Bella. I mean, I would be happy anywhere with you. I don't want you to be so far away from your home and work. What about your sister?"

"My home is with you, Edward. And please, do  _not_  worry about Angela. She's fine. In fact, she was the one who actually helped me sell my house and get all of my things moved out here. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have gotten the heads up about you. Like always, you were an unexpected surprise."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I knew you were graduating on Friday…sorry, I wasn't there by the way. I wanted to be."

"I know. It's okay," I said, caressing the side of her face. "Which reminds me, how  _did_  you know I was graduating?"

My thoughts immediately went to Emmett and his meddling ways...how far had his olive branch extended?

"The twins told me a few months back," Bella replied. "It was how I kept tabs on you."

Well, look at that, I was wrong. My brothers had ratted me out…those conniving and traitorous little bastards.

"I should've known—but wait a minute, they never said anything to me about it. Not once did they offer up any information about you when I asked. I even tried bribing them with candy," I huffed.

She nodded, chuckling softly."Yeah, about that, we sort of pinky swore that we would keep our conversations a secret."

_Fucking figures._

" _Sure_...they're loyal to  _you_ ," I scoffed.

"They love me more than you," she taunted, squeezing my cheeks playfully.

"Can't really blame them there."

"Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes, your graduation day. You see, I was here Friday, just getting things in order when she called me. I hadn't expected you to fly out here so early and I flipped out. There was so much to do and only two days to do it. Everything was a mess. Your playroom, in particular, was still under construction and I had to—"

"Wait a sec," I interrupted, "I have a playroom?"

"Uh huh." She grinned deviously, hooking her fingers in the belt loop of my slacks and yanking me forward. "Do you wanna see?"

"Um, fuck yes."

She giggled at my enthusiasm—and it was such a cute fucking giggle.

"Alright then, follow me, pet." She entwined her fingers in mine and led me towards the playrooms in the back of the building.

The hallway was painted that same burgundy that she had in Chicago, and this familiarity away from home was comforting.

There were six rooms in total, each room having their own name and theme. The name plates on the doors distinguished them as their own identity; a lot like what Bella had established in Chicago. There was the red room, the school room, the medical room, the church room, and so forth. But it was the fifth door on the right at the end of the hall that caught my rapt attention. There in a silver plaque, like all the other rooms had, but this one was special. There in black lettering was my name written in script.

I shot a surprised look at her. "The Edward room?"

She shrugged her shoulders like that shit was no big deal. "Every dungeon should have an Edward room."

"Well, I agree," I stammered. "But won't it be weird for your customers?"

She cupped my face with her hand and stared at my thoughtfully."You're the only customer that'll be entering this room, Edward."

My jaw dropped slightly and I shook my head, still not believing it."I have own fucking room? Are you shitting me?"

"No, I'm totally serious. This room is all yours and yours alone." She smiled at me shyly. "Are you ready to go in?"

I leaned and kissed her. "Baby, I've been ready."

"Good answer," she said, opening the door and gently pulling me in.

My room was painted purple. It was a darker shade then the one in Chicago, but it was the same color as her favorite flogger. There was the wooden cross in the back of the room, next to the spanking bench. In the other far corner was a tall black metal tool box, presumably filled with toys. Above the tool chest, Bella had all her her whips, floggers, and crops hung up on a wall full of hooks. Even a few canes lingered on there, taunting me.

The horse, my nemesis, was also there. It was pushed up against the south wall, sitting in the shadows in an ominous way. It sent shivers down my spine, and I wasn't sure if it was out of fear or excitement. The fact that it was in my room was no surprise, and I figured Bella had put it there as a sentimental gesture rather than actual device for any future punishments—well, at least that's what I hoped.

"This is…" There were no words to describe this moment, and I stopped myself short. I just stood there in the middle of the room, soaking in its brilliance, "it's fucking…unbelievable."

My focus was on the wall of whips now, and I took a step towards them, feeling myself hardened at the thought of my Mistress using them on me. Fuck, it's been so long since I've felt like this…liberated and intact. The million pieces of me that were shattered had come together, making me whole one puzzle piece at a time.

I was starting to feel like my old self again.

"There was one more thing I wanted to give you…" Bella whispered into my ear. "It's a birthday gift."

"Oh, yeah…" I asked flippantly, my fingers idly running across the fringes of her purple flogger. "Whatever it is, I gotta tell you, it'll be hard to top this room."

When I turned around to receive my present, I was confused to see that Bella was gone. She wasn't in my direct line of sight anymore. And at first it threw me into a panic, but as I moved my gaze downward, I found myself thrown into another state, one filled with pure ecstasy.

There she was, my Mistress, on her knees before me. Her head down, arms rested by her thighs and palms flat on the floor. She was in the submissive position.

I rubbed my eyes roughly, not really believing what I was seeing…was she for real?

Bella, my Mistress, was bowing down and submitting to her fucking submissive!

My throat went dry and my heart skipped a beat or two, and my breathing...well, that shit was a lost cause. I was practically hyperventilating at this point. My excitement had been kicked into overdrive.

"Bella?" I croaked out, raspy as fuck, and took a tentative step towards her.

In response, she lifted her hands and held her wrists out to me. Without raising her head, mindful to keep it down at all times, she spoke to me in a timid but determined voice. "Tie me up, Master?"


	47. Epilogue

**~Epilogue~**

"When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again."

―Albert Einstein―

_**-Exactly One Year Later-** _

The velvet box made a loud snap every time I closed it, only to make a creaking noise when I opened it back up. The action of opening and closing it, getting a brief glimpse of the diamond, was soothing to me. It was a compulsive tick, and it distracted me from the stresses of Mack Curtis and company.

The job of my dreams was slow going, and foolishly, I'd assumed that I would've had my own corner office and be the top architect in Arizona by now.

In reality, I was an errand boy, personal assistant to all the suits. If they needed coffee or someone to go pickup their dry cleaning, they would nod their heads and watch me come running. Faithful and true…like a fucking lap dog.

Hell, I had to start somewhere.

It could be worse. Mack could've stuck me in the mailroom. Where would I be then? At least this way, I could learn from the talented men around me. And if I just keep working hard, and showing them my ideas, I'll be a working Architect in this firm in no time.

On the upside, the money wasn't bad. Not exactly the three figures like I hoped, but it was still decent. It helped pay the bills, and even some I got to save.

"Cullen, get in here," Mack hollered at me, poking his head out of the office briefly, only to disappear around the large oak.

"Yup," I grumbled, standing up and slipping the box into the inner pocket of my suit jacket.

Making my way into Mack's office, I saw him standing by his drafting table with his two business partners, Jeff Darcy and Steve Hooper. They were talking about a project in Tempe. It was a big account, worth  _a lot_ of money. They had been going over ideas for the past week now. The stress was palpable up and down the halls of the office. People were all on edge, and to make matters worse, they couldn't seem to come to an agreement. The client had been very unsatisfied with the progress thus far, shooting down every design.

If they didn't come up with something soon, the client was going to pull out, and the fat account would be lost—which brings me back to my role in all of this. Well, let's just say that, lately, errand boy had become punching bag boy, bitch boy, and go get me a hooker boy.

Those titles, demeaning in ways, didn't bother me. I'm a submissive with fresh welts on my back, rope burns on my wrists, and a chastity belt on my cock. Needless to say, I've grown quite accustomed to the treatment.

I'd been standing in the doorway for nearly a minute now, and nobody had even looked up. They were deeply immersed in the design plans, talking in low voices, and arguing.

I took another step into the room and cleared my throat. "Did you need something, Mack?"

He peered up and his eyes widened, looking almost thrilled to see me standing there.

It wasn't the reception I'd expected to get.

" _Edward_ ," he boomed, taking a large stride towards me. "We need your eye."

"My eye?" I repeated, confused.

He nodded and patted me on the back, leading me over to the table.

"We're stuck and fucking desperate here. We've exhausted all of our ideas, and if we don't come up with something soon, we're going to lose the biggest account that this firm has ever seen. Our reputation is on the line here. You understand?"

"Yeah," I said, peeking over Jeff and Steve's shoulders. They noticed me gawking, and like Moses with the red sea, they parted and gave me wide berth to the table. "Tell me what you need me to do."

"Well, take a look at the designs," Jeff snapped irritated, and I could almost feel him rolling his eyes at me.

"Okay," I said, somewhat hesitant.

This was a moment that was going to make or break my career in this firm. The pressure was crushing, and I tried to not be blinded by my anxiety. Closing my eyes briefly, focused on something calming. Bella's beautiful smile and the hard object in my pocket, that kept hitting me in the ribs every time I moved, had done the trick and relaxed my mind in an instant.

Reaching up and adjusting the overhead lamp, I shone the light down on the translucent blueprints. The drawings, ignoring the mediocrity of them, were fucking atrocious. It made me question how they'd been so successful in the past. The drafts of the prototype building lacked imagination and creativity. Everything about it was basic. The lines were off, chaotic, and the strokes were too stiff.

The whole thing was a fucking contradicting mess.

"Can I be frank?" I asked.

"Please," Mack said.

"There's nothing visually appeasing about this design," I said.

"What?" Steve barked. "You're a God damned kid, Cullen. What the hell would you know about visually appeasing architecture?"

Well, now I knew who designed this piece of shit, and really, I wasn't all that surprised. The guy was an asshole, but above all that, he was fucking idiot. I found myself dumbing down my sentences so he could understand them. How in the hell he got to where he was today was beyond me. I could only guess that his connections were far more impressive than his brain capacity.

Holding back my tongue, I shrugged my shoulders and backed away from the table. "I guess nothing."

Steve satisfied with my seeming incompetence, waved his hand at me dismissively.

Mack stepped forward, blocking my path as I turned to leave and gently pushed me back towards the table.

"No, keep going, Edward," he said. "What else do you see?"

"Jesus, Mack, you can't be serious with this shit?" Steve whined.

"We need an outside perspective, Steve," Mack shot back, his aggravation with his partner reaching its boiling point.

"He knows nothing about this business. He's been here, what, a year? All he knows is how to get me a cup of coffee, and even that he gets wrong half the time," Steve said.

His tirade angered me, and at that point, I didn't give a shit if I got fired. I wasn't going to stand there and let this arrogant fucker undermine my intelligence.

And for the fucking record, the asshole doesn't even drink coffee.

"Maybe I don't know anything about this business, but I do know architecture, and this is shit. It's a disgrace to this firm. The axonometric measurements are off," I said, taking a ruler and showing them how one aspect of the design doesn't line up with the other. "But other than that, the arch is misplaced, the portico is slanted. This design is boring and badly constructed. If the client was dumb enough to buy this, the building would collapse on itself within a year's time. You need to scrap it."

Steve glared at me with hatred. Jeff stared at me with his jaw slacked, floored that I had the guts to tell Steve off, and as for Mack? He was nodding in assent and wearing this shit-eating grin. He knew I was more than knowledgeable when it came to designing.

"So, what do you think, Cullen? You got any ideas how we should do to fix this?" Mack asked.

Steve's eyes were bulging out of his fucking skull and his face was beet red. He looked like he was going to explode. I guess he couldn't understand why Mack was entrusting me with their biggest account. I was lower than shit on the bottom of his shoe.

Well, fuck him. This was my time to prove to him, and anyone who questioned me, that I was more than just an errand boy.

"I got a few drawings with some ideas that have been floating around in my head," I said, shrugging, like the shit was no big deal.

Inside, I was praying that they would take the bait.

"Do you have them?" Jeff asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

I nodded, suppressing a smile. "They're in my top desk drawer."

"Let's see what you got, kid," Mack said.

"Have you guys have lost your mind?" Steve stomped and complained as I jogged out of the office and to my desk.

A few weeks back when they were touring the property with the client, Mack had brought me along to aid them in their trivial needs, like water or food, whatever they were in the mood for. It had been quite educational for me; I observed my surroundings with open eyes. The location, the buildings adjacent to the project was giving me such ideas. Inspiration came flooding through my veins and I couldn't turn it off.

That same night, I went home to Bella and told her about the things I could do if they would let me. She encouraged me to sketch out my visions. I was hesitant to do so at first, not seeing what good it would do, but she said that one day it might come in handy.

Lo and behold, she was right.

Grabbing every last bit of my designs, I rushed back into the office and pushed Steve's blueprints aside and spread out my drawings across the drafting table. There was a hushed silence as the men looked them over. I waited with an abated breath, knowing that whatever happened next, good or bad, was going to have a big impact on my life.

"You…you drew these?" Jeff sputtered and tripped over his words.

He couldn't comprehend that a twenty-two year old—well, twenty-three now, it being my birthday in all—could have such an eye and talent for architecture.

"I did," I answered, keeping my tone flat.

"These…where did you get these ideas?" he asked again, his eyes wide with disbelief. "They're brilliant."

"I don't know," I said truthfully. "It just came to me."

"See, what did I tell you guys? This kid has a gift," Mack boasted with excitement. He shook my hand and patted me on the back. "Good work, Cullen. Somebody needs to get the client on the phone. Pronto."

"I'm on it, Mack" I said, turning on my heel and heading back towards my desk.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute," Mack said, grabbing me by the arm. "Where in the hell do you think you're going?"

"I was going to get the client on the line," I answered lamely, not sure what the problem was.

He shook his head and threw his arm around my neck, leading me back to the drafting table. "No, I don't think so. That's not your job anymore. Somebody else can do that. No, you're staying right here with me…" he paused and looked over his shoulder, giving his partner a fleeting glance and said, "Steve, make yourself useful and get the client on the line, would you?"

**~~88~~88~~88~~**

For the rest of the day we labored over my designs, working out the kinks and getting a presentation together. The client was coming out that Friday and Mack wanted me to spearhead the meeting. Everything was moving so fast now and I had a hard time keeping pace. After a year of being ignored and used, the job of my dreams was finally within my grasp...

I couldn't wait to get home and tell Bella.

Home was situated between Scottsdale and Phoenix, two cities that practically overlapped each other. Hell, the entire valley in Phoenix overlapped. Mesa was running over into Tempe, Tempe was running over into Scottsdale, and so forth. Half the time, I didn't know what town or city I was in.

When I arrived here last year, Bella had already bought a townhome in Phoenix. It was close to her dungeon, but it was small. It only had two bedrooms, and with our combined belongings, we soon realized that they couldn't fit into such a compact space.

After a few months of working and saving our money, she sold her place and we bought one together. It was weird taking a huge step like that with her, but at the same time, it felt natural. Besides, who did I have to answer to? It was just Bella and me, and anyone who would disapprove lived thousands and thousands of miles away.

When I mentioned it to my parents, they were concerned that we were moving too fast and lectured me for an hour over the phone. To which, I just rolled my eyes at them. I mean, what were they going to do? Ground me? Hardly.

They were just worried and still getting used to the fact of Bella and me. Not that they didn't like her, they adored her, it was just the hurt that they seen in my eyes during my brief but painful break-up with Bella. It was a necessary evolution to our relationship. I didn't regret the decision that was made to leave her, but I do regret how poorly I'd handled my grief. If I'd known ahead of time where I'd be in a year, I probably would've socialized more with my friends and family.

Live and learn, I guess.

Parking under the carport in our complex, I saw Bella's Audi. She was home. I'd called her an hour ago, seeing if our anniversary/birthday plans were still on for tonight, which of course they were. It was just a ploy to see where she was at.

Today was June twentieth. It was my birthday, but it was also considered our official anniversary. The time before our breakup wasn't completely forgotten, and we did celebrate it when it passed, but today was more important to us. It was the day we stopped fucking around and decided to be together. No more lies. No more barriers. It was just us.

It was also the day she'd given me the best fucking gift I'd ever gotten in my whole fucking life. In her dungeon, in the Edward room, my Mistress had gotten down on her knees and called me  _Master_. She even asked me to tie her up.

In theory, I would make a good Dom. I mean, before Bella I was the one who controlled sex in the bedroom. In reality, I had no idea what to do with such a gift.

My hands had shook and my knees had wobbled, and I'm pretty sure I stuttered like an idiot. It was awkward, and I kept asking her what I should do next…seeking her command at all times.

" _Is the rope too tight?"_

" _Are you sure?"_

" _Is this okay?"_

" _You want me to whip you with what?"_

Yeah, that shit was embarrassing.

The problem was that I couldn't hit her in the way she wanted. All I wanted to do was touch the skin on her back softly and kiss her delicately on the neck. There wasn't a domineering bone in my body when it came to her.

Naturally, we kept trying, and after a couple times of trial and error, I got the knack of playing Master. These sessions, however, were few and far in between. I enjoyed being her submissive. It was easier for me to fall into and more fulfilling to my needs.

Even if it was a disaster, the memory of her submitting before me was vivid and fresh in my brain, and still had a way of exciting me.

"Bella?" I called out as I entered the house, setting down my keys and briefcase on the foyer table. I shrugged off my jacket and folded it nicely.

There was precious cargo in the pocket and I didn't want to fling it around carelessly. It might dislodge and ruin my plans for tonight. The last thing I wanted to do was to fuck up the proposal.

Bella came around the corner a second later as I entered the living room. It was her day off today. School was out for the summer and Heidi, one of her many Domina's that she had working with her, ran the dungeon on Wednesdays.

Bella didn't like to work on the weekends anymore. Those nights were saved for me.

"Hey, handsome," she said, bounding and jumping into my arms.

I held her up as she kissed me. It was chaste at first, but soon it turned deep, and I groaned into her mouth. She always did this to me.

She pulled away with a smile, and allowing me time to catch my breath. "How was your day?"

"Good," I murmured against her lips, kissing them a few more times and getting my fill…which really was an impossible feat. Nothing, when it came to Bella, was enough for me. I set her back down on her feet. "There was some stuff that happened…"

"Like what?"

"Just some stuff. I'll tell you later at dinner," I said, going in for another kiss.

I was an addict.

She jerked her head away and narrowed her eyes at me. "Why can't you tell me now?"

"Why can't I just tell you at dinner?" I countered.

She huffed and puffed, pushing me away. "You're so annoying."

"Yeah, but you love it." I smirked, grabbing her quickly and firmly by the waist before she had a chance to walk away. I yanked her back to me.

She grunted in response, but something was off. I studied her face, noting the way her eyes were tightly shut and her brows were furrowed, making deep creases in her forehead, and all this added up to one conclusion: My girl was in pain.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried.

She shook her head, waving me off. "It's nothing."

But when I slid my hands up and gripped her around the waist tighter, the pain was evidently too much for her to take. She pulled my hands away, breaking our connection.

Now, I was fucking panicked.

"Baby, what's going on?" I asked, my eyes roaming over body, looking for blood or bruises…anything to explain why she would be in hurting.

"It's nothing, Edward. I'll tell you at dinner."

"No!" I growled. "Tell me now."

"You tell me yours first."

I took a step back from her, eyeing her suspiciously. "Are you messing with me?"

"Not in the slightest," she said, almost a little too innocently.

I really didn't want to tell her until dinner, but I still had the proposal to look forward to…and honestly, I couldn't bear the thought of her keeping something from me—especially if she was hurt somewhere. I was a nosy bastard.

"Fine, you win," I said, my shoulders slumping in defeat.

She grinned. "Don't I always?"

"Pretty much," I answered with a sour and pouting edge to my tone, rolling my eyes.

She played me like a fiddle.

"You go first," she said.

So, I told her everything about Mack and how he called me into his office. How showing my designs to my bosses eventually came into play. The story was brief but detailed, and came out of me in one excited, rambling sentence. Once I got started, it seemed like I couldn't get it out fast enough.

She beamed with pride as I told her about Friday and how Mack wanted me to lead the meeting. This was a huge opportunity for me—for the both of us. We were a team, and my success was her success and vice versa.

When I was done, she threw her arms around my neck and embraced me tightly. "Edward, I am so proud of you."

"Thanks, baby," I said, returning the hug, but steering clear of her upper torso. There was still the matter of her being hurt…somewhere underneath her clothes and hidden from me.

"What did I tell you, huh?" she said, leaning back and nudging me playfully with her elbow.

"You were right...like always."

That was one of the many things I loved about her: That aura of infallibility.

"Well, you know," she said, winking and pretending to pop her collar.

"You're silly." I laughed.

And that was another thing I loved about her, too...deep down and past that hard exterior lied a dork.

"Alright, woman, enough fucking around," I said, my laughter dying down and my tone turned serious, "It's your turn now. Tell me."

Bella nodded once in reply and took off her shirt. She wadded the thin fabric in her fist as she stood there nervously. My eyes searched along her flawless skin, looking for any signs of trauma, afraid of what I might find. The stark white bandage on the right side of her ribcage, secured by medical tape, stood out like a sore thumb and caused my pulse to quicken.

This was serious.

My mind spiraled out of control, thinking about all the injuries that would require such a large bandage. It nearly took up half of her body.

"Jesus, baby, what happened?" I asked frantic, grabbing her by the hips and turning her towards me to get a better look.

"It's not…" she said trailing off. She reached down and slowly peeled it away. What I expected to see was fairly different than what really lied beneath.

_Holy fucking shit..._

I collapsed to my knees and set back on my heels as I stared up at her fresh ink.

"You…" I couldn't speak.

All I could do was read the phrase tattooed into her delicate skin over and over again.

_I desire the fire in my submissives eyes._

There it was, bold and in black ink _._ She'd copied my tattoo, but instead of hiding it in Greek—like a coward—it was right there in English for everyone to see.

It was even in the same location as mine.

"We match now," Bella said, running her fingers through my hair in a petting and loving way.

Without thought and controlled by my emotions, I sat up on my knees and placed my lips along her tattoo and kissed it softly. This meant the world to me. She was claiming me, making it known that I was hers…and just when I thought it was impossible for me to love her more, she goes and does something like this.

She was the reason for everything and made sense of my life...

"Marry me." I murmured against her skin, peering up at her through my eyelashes, imploring her to say yes.

She stared down at me for a long time, penetrating me with her warm brown eyes. There was so much depth in that one look, and I was only able to decipher a fraction of it. What was she thinking?

"Marry me," I said—no, I demanded.

"Okay," she whispered.

" _Okay_?" I repeated. "Is that a yes?" I needed to hear her say it.

Slipping out of my firm hold, she slunk down to her knees, and held my face in her hands. She wanted me to focus on her next words as she said them. "Yes. I will marry you."

It was like a nuclear reactor exploding, and I crushed her with my lips. Everything that I'd ever wanted was being realized, and I couldn't contain myself any longer. All the love and need that I possessed for this woman came rushing out of me as I kissed those soft lips, burning the feel of them into memory.

Pushing my chest into her, I laid her down on the floor. As I hovered over her, I placed my mouth on the hollow of her neck and tasted the sweet flesh there. My knee wedged itself in between her legs, nudging them open to make room for me.

_Yes._

_H_ er words echoed in my head on a consistent loop.

_Yes._

Bella slid her hands up my back and into my hair, gripping and yanking at it, eliciting a low growl from me. Lifting my head upwards, kissing along her jaw and eventually attacking her lips once more, I felt my arousal grow…

_Pinch._

"Ow," I hissed. "Fuck."

_Pinch._

"What's wrong?" Her eyes wide with panic.

"It's the chastity belt."

She bit her bottom lip to stifle a laugh. "I can see where that could be a problem."

"You think?" I sat back up, pulling her up with me as I pondered our options.

Well, on second thought, there were no other opitions. The chastity belt had to come off…like now.

"It's an easy fix, baby," she said, gesturing to the gold chain around her neck with a silver key hanging at the end of it. "But we must do something about these clothes."

Never being the one to need further instructions, I proceeded by loosening my tie, just enough to get it around my head, and cast it off to the side. My fingers nimbly unbuttoned my dress shirt, showing far more restrain than I thought I had.

Glancing at Bella, I noticed that she was further along. She was just in her bra and panties now, waiting patiently for me to catch up.

"Here, let me help you," she said, unbuckling my belt and pants, pulling them down, along with my boxers. I stood up instinctively, stepping out of the clothes and kicking them across the room.

The scattered clothes were thrown haphazardly around the room, making it look like a bomb exploded.

Bella gripped my cock, holding me firmly in place as she slipped the key into the lock. The hard plastic confines were now two pieces and lying on the table next to us. But the effect of my liberation was instantaneous.

There was no more pinching, no more pain, just a growing affection for my fiancée.

"Your turn," I said, nodding to the lacy blue bra and panties she was wearing.

She smirked, lying back down on the floor, looking innocent and delicious. "You want them off? You get them off."

I scoffed. As if that was a problem. "Alright then."

Dropping to my knees, I slid my hands up her legs at a leisurely pace, watching her eyes roll back in her head. She was sensitive to every aspect of my touch, and I capitalized on the luxury to do just that. Because feeling the softness of her skin under my fingertips was a rarity with my Mistress. She often denied me such a treat.

My wrists, still sore and red from the night before, were a shining testament to that.

My hands were on the inside of her thighs now, gradually making a path up her body, only stopping to rub my fingers up and down her clit, causing her hips to buck.

I pulled away from her and sat back on my heels. She propped herself up on her elbows and glared at me.

"Are we being a naughty pet?"

"Maybe," I said, hoping to ruffle her feathers more.

I loved the way her lips pursed in a tight line and her eyes narrow in dissent. She was sexy as fuck when she pouted...so flustered and so horny.

She took the tip of her toe and pressed it up against my balls, sending a sharp pain into my stomach.

"Okay," I grunted, "I'll behave."

"That's better," she said, stopping her assault on me and spread her legs. "Now, where were you?"

"I was right about here," I said, hooking my fingers underneath the thin waistband of her lacy thongs, pulling them down her legs. The bra was the last barrier of fabric to be discarded.

Beautifully naked on the floor, she was ripe for the picking. She was so sexy and obviously aroused; I couldn't keep my hands or mouth off her. Lifting up her leg, I kissed that naughty big toe of hers. I moved my mouth to her ankle, along her calf, up to her knees, and eventually her soft inner thigh. Bit by bit, I worked my way up her body, drawing out pleasurable moans from my girl.

"You're so beautiful," I said, my hands cupping her ass now.

In one quick motion, I raised her hips up and buried my face deep between her legs. The sensitive and responsive clit, I attacked with my tongue. Lazily flicking and licking it, my teeth grazed and nibbled at it. I kissed her sweet flesh, sucking that tender spot into my mouth.

"Shit." She gasped, digging her nails into my shoulders.

Her words were nothing but obscenities now, and I knew it was time to up my game...push her over the edge.

Inserting two of my fingers into her, I curled them up and sought out that G-spot. It was there, I've pressed it before, and when I did find it, I licked her clit and bit down on. She jerked away from me, and both my mouth and fingers slipped away before I could make her come.

I looked up at her worried. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she panted. "It just got too intense."

"And that's bad?" I asked, still fucking confused.

"No," she answered, reaching up for me, wrapping her legs around my waist and pulled me down. "Come here. Please."

"Okay," I said, obliging to her demands.

She wasn't happy until our skin was flushed with one another. I smoothed back her hair, and stared down at her, wondering what was going on in that head of hers.

"What is it, baby?" I asked. "Did you not like it? I can do it differently."

"No, no," she said. "It was good…amazing even. I just…" she paused, grabbing my face and bringing me down into a kiss. It was brief, but filled with so much that she wasn't telling me outright. She broke away, her gaze fixated on my eyes. She smiled faintly, almost bashfully. "Let's just take it slow, okay?"

"Okay," I said, kissing her lips once more as I shifted my hips into place and slowly eased into her.

I stilled my movements, not going any deeper, and we both gasped at the contact. The feeling of her was so warm and comforting. Each time was like returning home. And I relished the feel of her body surrounding me, entrapping me, and keeping me.

There was no need to rush through this moment, and that was when I realized what she wanted.

Leaning my forehead against her, I allowed my heart to get back to an easy rhythm before I started to move again.

Pushing in and out slowly, kissing her deep and tenderly, our bodies moved together in a synchronized motion. Her hips lifting up to meet my own, our hands clasped tightly together. We stared into each other's eyes; neither of us needing to speak a word, but knowing full well what the other person was thinking. It was all right there, behind those deep and thoughtful eyes: love, devotion, friendship, wanting, needing, and…so much more than I could ever describe.

My pace quickened after that, our need building and building and reaching its peak. Bella rocked her hips, wrapping her legs around my waist, pushing my ass into her, causing me to thrust harder. It was heady now, my vision slightly obscured and I closed my eyes, warding off my impending orgasm.

Bella yanked me down, attacking my lips fiercely and I could tell by the way she tightened around me that she was close.

"Come with me," she said against my mouth.

"Always."

We tensed together, moaning, and grunting, and as I pushed into her a few more times, I felt her inner walls clench around me and I came with her…just as I promised.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I fucking love you," I whispered back, rolling off and pulling her into my arms.

We lay there, panting and spent, and I couldn't fucking grasp a hold of what just happened. It was very different from all the other times before it because it wasn't forceful or impatient like sex. The orgasm lasted longer, albeit weaker in intensity, but more powerful than any other one I'd ever experienced. It wasn't about the final destination; it was about the journey that led us there.

It meant something more to me in that moment than just getting off…which was a fucking first for me.

"Did you feel that?" I asked, still in awe.

"What?"

"I think we actually made love."

She laughed softly, sitting up and looking down at me with a loving expression. "Yeah, I know."

**~~88~~88~~88~~**

A few hours later we were in our bedroom. We made love again, taking it slowly, and enjoying the feel of each other as we explored our bodies, kissing and caressing. It was amazing in every since of the word, and I couldn't imagine a simple fuck being as satisfying...Not that I was ruling it out. I still wanted my Mistress every which way possible. I'm just saying, the change of pace was nice.

Glancing down at the object of my affection, I marveled at her simple beauty. She had her head on my chest and her hair was splayed out and blanking us in her dark brown tresses. My arms were tightly wrapped around her, and I stared up at the ceiling as I replayed her words over and over in my head.

_Yes..._

Again, one word had held so much power.

The proposal, on the other hand, was a bust. I was irritated with myself for popping the question like that. It was not what I'd planned at all. There were no flowers, no romance…there was a bended knee, but what did that matter in the scheme of things? It just sucked because I wanted it to be special for her, but like an overzealous idiot, I was so overwhelmed by her tattoo and my love for that it just slipped out.

There was no point in trying to salvage the situation. I'd already asked her and she said yes. The only thing that was missing was the ring.

_Oh, shit, the ring!_

Peeking down at her, I watched her breathing. It was slow and even, soft and melodic. A year of sharing a bed with her, I was familiar with the telltale signs…

She was asleep.

Gently, I slipped out from underneath her, laying her back down on the bed. She stirred, only slightly, and I stood frozen, holding my breath. After a few seconds of silence, I was confident that she was still sleeping.

Leaving the room as quietly as I could, I tip-toed through the house, completely butt-ass naked. All the shutters were closed, so there was no chance of a passerby seeing my dangling goods.

Rummaging through my jacket, I pulled out the velvet box and opened it. The antique diamond with blue sapphires was gleaming up me in all its magnificent glory.

It was my Grandma Whitlock's engagement ring. My mom had delivered it to me when she was down here visiting nearly a month ago. It had taken me that long to summon up the courage to ask her.

Also, I was waiting for this day...My birthday… _Our_ anniversary.

Walking back to the room, ditching that tiptoeing shit, I poked my head in and was relieved to see that she hadn't moved. She was still lying on her back with her head facing the doorway. It was perfect position because her left hand was exposed, giving me easy access to it.

Making sure to stay silent with my steps, I crept back into the room and crouched down at the side of the bed. I pulled the ring out of the box and eased it on to her finger.

It was a perfect fit, and I smiled with relief. Getting it resized would've been a bitch, and asking her what her ring size was would've tipped her off. Yes, I was lucky that it worked out.

 _Damn,_ I thought, fascinated with the way the in pouring light from the windows caught the many facets of the diamond.  _She's really going to be my wife._

Bella opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she slowly roused from her sleep. She turned her head to the side and her brows knitting together in confusion when she saw me staring at her.

"What's up?" she asked in a sleepy haze.

She hadn't noticed the ring yet.

I smiled. "Nothing. Just thinking about how much I love you."

"Aww, I love you, too," she said, reaching up to cup my cheek. Her eyes widened when she saw the ring, pulling her hand away and sitting up abruptly.

I gulped thickly, nervously watching her face and trying to gage her reaction. She was shocked mostly, holding her hand up to her face and examining it closely.

"Edward," she murmured, glancing back at me with a mixture of fear and excitement. "It's..."

"You're mine now," I said unthinkingly and showing my possessive side.

That diamond on her finger was more than just adornment or something sparkly for her to wear. It was my version of collaring her. A public display, proclaiming to the world, from a fucking mountain top, that she was my girl.

 _Mine_.

She nodded in agreement, leaning over and kissing me on the lips. "I've always been yours…from the very moment I saw you sitting outside with Emmett. I just was too stubborn to see it then."

"Wait, what?" I was momentarily distracted by this tidbit of information she was giving me. "When was this?"

"At the coffee shop," she answered slowly, tilting her head to the side and looking at me like I was high, "where we first met."

"You actually saw me outside with Emmett?" I was stunned.

She nodded. "Of course, I did. You're kind of hard to miss with all that hair." She tousled it to make her point. "I thought you saw me, too. I mean, you were looking right at me, and when you came inside, chasing me down, I kind of assumed that you had."

I thought back, only remembering seeing the sea of people. Had I saw her and for some reason or another overlooked her in that moment?

No, I would've remembered seeing her because what we experienced was a rare phenomenon…

"It was love at first sight," she said, echoing my thoughts.

"Love at first sight?" I pondered the meaning of it.

It was something that I never really believed existed…not until now.

"You think it's cheesy, huh?" she asked, embarrassed.

I pulled her hands away from her face and smiled, shaking my head at her. She was so absurd sometimes. "No, it's not cheesy. It's kind of perfect."

"Yeah?" she asked, still skeptical.

"Yeah," I laughed. She had no idea how much my life had revolved around her— _still_ revolves around her. "Maybe one day I'll tell you the story about us."

"The story about us?" she asked cocking her eyebrow at me. "I think I know how that one goes, Edward. I was kind of there, remember?"

I scoffed, shaking my head. "You don't know this version."

"Okay then," she said, sensing a challenge. She scooted over and sat up against the headboard, patting the mattress beside her. She smiled. "We've got some time before we have to leave for dinner, why don't you crawl up here in bed and tell it to me."

"Fine," I said, accepting her invitation and getting under the covers. "But prepare to be amazed."

"Oh, I can't wait to hear this."

I threw my arm around her neck and pulled her into me. We both slouched down into the bed and got comfy.

It was going to be a  _long_  story…

"Once upon a time, in a far off land, there was a boy who fell in love with his Mistress."

**The End**


End file.
